Disclaimer: N Sync not mine. Plot's mine though. This does not imply anything about the true sexual preferences of the guys. Note: This takes place after * the * lawsuit and before the NSA came out. I'm assuming that the guys have their own apartment in Orlando. Justin lives with his mom.** the voice*** and [character thoughts].
All comments to Snow C at iefour@hotmail.com mailto:iefour@hotmail.com and visit my site at http://www.geocities.com/rf2107/blue_ocean.html
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The Masks That We Wear
Previously in Chapter 4...
***Joey my love, just a simple slit and all the loneliness will be gone. Go on. ***
" I'm not strong enough to fight it. I'm sorry, Lance." Joey whispered with tears in his eyes as he sank into the dark abyss, not able to swim back to the surface anymore.
Chapter 5
There was a strained silence in the car as JC waited for Lance to say something while Lance waited for JC to question him. Both men kept quiet, the only sound was the rain pelting down harder on the windows. The car stopped at a traffic light. "Lance, did you find out anything about Joey?" JC finally raised the question. The car started moving as Lance was about to say something.
" I don't think I should tell you now, you're driving. I'm tell you when we get back to my place." Lance barely made the statement when JC increased the speed of the car, steadily going way past the speed limit. Lance stared at JC in increasing alarm. JC barely flinched when he made a violent turn, honked at a slow driver, cut lanes and went straight past a red light, just missed hitting another car. Lance held on for dear life until JC did an impressive swerve into one of the parking lots near Lance's house and stopped the car engine.
"Okay, we're here. Talk." JC noticed that the younger man was quite pale. "What?"
"How the hell did you learn to drive like that? We could have been killed, JC! " Lance burst out, his pale face now flushed with anger. There was a pause as Lance calmed down while JC looked guilty.
"I'm sorry, Scoop. It's just that I'm really worried about Joey. He's the most happy-go-lucky of the five of us. Whatever is bothering him must really be a big thing. I mean...I've never seen him this depressed before." Lance sighed as he realized that JC simply was concerned about Joey.
"JC, it was a horrible trip on the cruise..." Lance finished telling everything that had happened, not adding in his own comments about his feeling of unease. JC took some time digesting the whole incident.
"So, you are telling me that this voice of Joey's is telling him all that stuff and a psychiatrist couldn't help him. This is really worse than I thought." JC couldn't think of anything else to say. He felt totally useless. " Isn't there anything that we can do to help him? Lance?"
The blond was in a daze. His green eyes suddenly glazed over and he didn't respond to JC calling his name. The same feeling of unease overcame him as he virtually felt the pain go through his mind. The pains of someone close to him.
[Go to him. He needs you. Save him from it.]
"Joey! Damn, Joey's in trouble. We have to get him now! " Lance snapped out the daze, his heart gripped by the same fear he had experienced on the ship. " Start the damn car, JC. We have to save him before it's too late! GO!" He shouted while fishing out his cell phone and dialing Joey's number. JC didn't ask any questions and started the car. " No one's answering, JC. He's not answering the phone." Lance was panicking. JC heard the command and fear in Lance's voice and floored the car all the way back to Joey's apartment.
The car screeched to a stop in front of the block of posh apartments where Joey lived. Both men ran out of the car and to the lift. Lance kept on pressing the button frantically while JC tried to figure out what was going on. Throughout the lift ride, Lance prayed under his breath. The lift doors opened and Lance headed straight for Joey's apartment. He started banging on the door with his fists.
"Joey! Open the door. It's me, Lance! Oh god, Joey please open up!" Lance was going out of his mind with the unknown terror. He was only aware that the older man was in trouble and Joey needed him. " JC, he's not answering the door! " JC stopped to think. Then he saw the floor mat on the ground and remembered Joey's bad habit of forgetting the house keys. [Please let it be there.]
" Get off the floor mat!" JC ordered as Lance quickly moved to one side while he flipped the mat around. There was a key taped to the side. JC ripped off the extra key and unlocked the door. He entered the house and moved through the living room, Lance following closely behind. He gasped in horror when he arrived at the dining room. "Oh my god." JC breathed out, frozen with shock. There were broken glass pieces all over the floor and blood spreading slowly towards them and Joey's hand was covered in blood.
"JC, get me a towel and call the paramedics. Damn it, Joey what the hell did you do this for?" Lance knelt down next to the unconscious body and cursed rather colorfully while JC called the hospital on his cell phone. He gave Lance a towel and stooped down beside the blond. He heaved a sigh of relief as he noted that Joey did not cut his wrists.
"He didn't cut his wrists. See, the blood's coming from his right hand. This red liquid is just red wine." JC pointed out with a sigh of relief. Lance took a deep breath and examined the deep cuts on his right hand. As he pressed the towel against the cuts to stop the bleeding, Joey moaned. The older man groaned again as Lance pressed harder.
Joey opened his mocha colored eyes briefly, looking into worried green ones before closing them again. " Lance...sorry." Joey managed to croak out.
"It's okay, Joey, I'm here. I'll make sure you're safe from everything." Lance dropped a soft kiss on Joey's forehead while holding on to his hand with the towel. JC noted the whole display of affection before the paramedics finally arrived to save the day.
" Where is Joey? What happened?" Justin and Chris arrived to the hospital at the same time. They had received a rude shock when JC informed them that the brunette was hospitalized, dropping whatever they had been doing to come to the hospital.
" Joey's fine, don't worry. He just cut his hand and was unconscious for a while. He's now resting in the room." JC spoke in general terms while the people who walked past ignored them. He was thankful that it was near midnight and the number of people at the hospital were at a minimum. Less chances of being recognized.
" Has Johnny gotten word of this?" Chris questioned.
" Yeah, I informed him on the way here. He's arriving soon." A voice behind Justin and Chris replied. They turned around to see an exhausted Lance holding two cups of coffee. He handed one to JC and sipped at the other cup, grimacing at the horrible taste. " The good thing is that the press doesn't know yet and I intend to keep it that way. The doctor has agreed to keep it quiet and let Joey leave early next morning, around eight. Look, there's Johnny."
"Guys! How is Joey? Is he fine? Does the press know yet?" Johnny rushed in and started shooting questions at Lance and JC. Lance repeated what he said earlier on while the man heaved with a visible relief. " This is great. But what exactly happened?" JC gave an detailed account of what had happened to the guys, from Lance freaking out to finding Joey on the floor surrounded by the million broken glass pieces.
"Wow, so you knew that what was happening to Joey." Justin spoke to Lance in an awed voice. " Scoop, you never told us you were psychic. "
"That's because I'm not. It was just instinctive, like a gut feeling. The little warning voice in my head told me. And usually it's right on target." [Not to forget the unmistakable fear in my heart.] Lance added silently.
Suddenly, JC started laughing loudly, attracting the glares of a older man sitting nearby. " Sorry, I just remembered something really funny. Lance, I never knew you could swear like a sailor. I'm telling you, you guys should have been there when Lance was cursing like a redneck. He was saying stuff like fu..." Lance covered JC's mouth with his hand, blushing when the rest of the guys stared at him with fascination.
" I was terrified and wasn't thinking clearly. You should have seen how JC was driving. It was as though he was in the Grand Prix or something." Lance retorted, lightening up the tense mood of the group.
"Can we go see him for a while? I want to make sure he's fine." Justin pleaded while Chris helped by pulling at JC's shirt. JC looked at Lance for approval before nodding his head. They all sneaked quietly into the private room. The staff had placed him in a private room to ensure more privacy. Joey was asleep. His right hand was bandaged and he was hooked on a IV drip. Other than that he was fine.
" He looks quite alright. Why don't the rest of you go back first? I'm sure everyone is tired, especially Lance and JC. I'll stay here in case he needs someone." Johnny suggested.
" I'm staying here. He needs me." Lance spoke up, allowing no room for protests in his tone. As if on cue, Joey moaned out Lance's name. The blond was immediately at his side, murmuring soft words to comfort him, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. The group sneaked out without Lance.
" I think someone should clean up Joey's house before he gets back. I'll handle that. Now the rest of you go back and get some rest. Tomorrow's recording session will be postponed to Tuesday and I expect everyone to be there. Understand?" Johnny returned to his business demeanor.
" I guess that's it for tonight. I will make the necessary arrangements with the hospital tomorrow morning to send Joey back home. I think Lance will be enough to handle sending Joey home. I don't want any of you in this place tomorrow. I don't want the press to know." Johnny added in the last line, cutting off any protests that the trio had. " Is that a promise from you guys to not show your faces here? "
"Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir." The three of them chorused like little angels, their fingers crossed behind their backs.
Joey groaned again. Lance held his uninjured hand while smoothing his hair back with his other hand. "Hey, Joey. I'm here." Lance whispered. " You have nothing to fear." Lance watched as the older man opened his eyes, focusing on Lance.
Joey mumbled groggily. "The voice was there, Lance. It taunted me. Told me that my knight had other things to do than to coddle me."
"My knight?"
"I think the voice likes referring to you as my knight in shining armor. I thinks it's because of your name. Lance is short for Sir Lancelot." Joey explained. Then he giggled. " I like it. You're my knight in shining armor, fighting my dragons or rather demons for me. Then who am I? I can't be your damsel in distress. I'm a guy."
" I'm not very sure. Hey, you can be the...um...duke in distress?"
"That is so cheesy, Mr. Knight. Duke in distress?" Joey stared giggling again. Lance thought about it and let out a chuckle. Then he resumed his serious expression.
"Were you going to kill yourself if you didn't black out again?"
The smile faded from Joey's face, replaced by uncertainty and fear. " I...I don't know, Lance. I guess we'll never know. I do know that this voice is afraid of you. For some reason it doesn't like you all that much. Lance? How did you know I was in trouble?"
"Gut feeling and my little warning voice. It just screamed at me go to you, to save you from it. So I did just that." Lance replied, noticing that Joey was asleep again. He stifled a yawn, determined not to take a trip into dreamland. A few minutes later, the blond was fast asleep, his head resting on the edge of Joey's bed, their hands entwined in each other's, both with a contented smile on their lips.
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Chapter 6
" Did you know that Lance was actually cursing yesterday? Man, I never thought I'll say this but he has one hell of a vocab." [That was JC's voice. He's still harping on it. I am never going to live it down.]
"Yeah and he stood up to Johnny. He said in his I'm-being-stubborn voice ' I'm staying here. He needs me." [And Chris does a horrible imitation of my voice.]
"And he's psychic." [Justin still thinks I'm psychic.]
"My knig...I mean, Lance did all that? Wow."
"They are just kidding, Joey." Lance mumbled, finally giving up on pretending to be asleep. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and ignoring his screaming backache and neck pain. "I'm not psychic and I did not use my stubborn voice."
"Yeah right." The three of them chorused at the same time while Joey gave him an amused look. Lance examined Joey carefully for signs of illness or uneasiness. He looked perfectly fine except for the bandaged hand and the dark eye bags.
"Whatcha lookin' at, Scoop?" Justin asked. Lance tore his eyes away from Joey to meet brown eyes. Lance blinked again. There was no mistake about it. He was staring into the brown eyes of Justin Timberlake.
"What happened to your eyes?" Lance blurted out, eliciting a round of laughter from the guys. He scrutinized everyone carefully. Besides the fact that everyone was wearing the standard hat and sunglasses, there were minor changes to their features. Like Justin's brown colored contacts, JC's light stubble and Chris's normal-looking clothes. "Chris? Is that you? I mean you look so...normal."
"Hey I was..." Chris was interrupted by the sound of Lance's cell phone. " You can't answer that in here. Shoo, out you go." Lance got up and left, leaving the four of them in the room.
"So, how are you feeling now?" Justin ventured cautiously. " I mean we've all heard from JC what has been going on and I just want to know why didn't you tell us."
"It took me a while to realize that I had...have a problem. I'm not sure what is going on inside my own mind half the time." Joey answered as truthfully as he could. " It's just one big confusion. I mean the main thing that scares me is this disembodied voice telling me to do things I don't want to do."
Joey stopped for a while before going on. " Like...like yesterday. I think...I think I would have killed myself if I didn't black out in time. And I don't want to die. I am depressed and I do feel lonely but this...this voice. It's almost as if it's preying on me. It's waiting for me to slip up, to lose control of myself before going in for the kill and collecting it's reward, my soul. And that is what scares me shitless."
Nobody knew what to say to comfort Joey. They were all shocked at how close they had been to losing one of their closest friends and none of them ever had a clue that so much was going on with the supposed slacker of the group. Each of them made a mental note to be more aware of each other's problems from now on. But first, they would have to help Joey get through the whole mess.
"I think it's time for a traditional group hug." Justin broke the silence first, hugging Joey tightly. The other guys joined in as well, trying to give their friend and band member some measure of comfort and reassurance. " And Chris, you pervert. Get your hand off my ass."
Lance stood by the door and chuckled, not wanting to intrude into the heart-warming show of support that they were involved in. " Hey, Lancey-poo, come here. It's a group hug and you are part of us." Justin motioned Lance over with his hand. The blond grinned as he joined in the hug. It was like a reaffirmation of their strong bonds with each other.
"Uh...is there a Mr. Clark Kent staying here?" A timid voice called out from the door, breaking up the moment. The guys turned to see a tall, Asian girl with short black hair holding a clip board shifting from left to right anxiously.
"Mr. Clark Kent?" Joey asked incredulously.
"Yeah...well the hospital staff needed to enter you under a fake name to not arouse suspicion so I figured it would be cute." Lance blushed while the guys started guffawing.
"It's cute alright." Chris stated, trying to keep a straight face but failing miserably.
"Um...excuse me!" The little voice boomed this time. Everyone stopped laughing and stared at the girl who was now embarrassed beyond belief. "Uh...I'm sorry for screaming but Mr. Wright wanted me to make sure that you guys get out of here by eight."
"And what is your name?" JC asked gently while the girl blushed furiously.
"Um...my...um...name? Oh, my name...um...it's...it's...Yuki. I...uh...am...Mr. Wright's temporary errand girl. He also wanted me to tell you that he saw you guys crossing your fingers behind your back in the reflection." She informed them in a soft tone with a shy smile.
"Busted by the man himself. Hey, you can tell him we disguised ourselves." Justin grinned triumphantly while Chris rolled his eyes.
"Yuki, I assume our ride is already here?" JC grinned at Yuki who took a few minutes to calm the butterflies in her stomach before nodding. The rest of the guys pulled on their various hats and followed the star-struck girl to a black minivan parked at the back of the hospital.
"JC, stop flirting with the girl and let's get out of here already. Hey Yuki, that's a nice name. What else did Johnny tell you?" Justin winked at the girl who simply turned a darker shade of red.
"He said that Joey had a fall and cut his hand by accident. And since Joey didn't want to kick up a big fuss about such a trivial thing, you guys decided to sneak out of the hospital and I'm supposed to be the designated driver since the original chauffeur got sick today. Don't worry, I'm not supposed to say anything and I won't. Um...Joey, are you feeling better?" Yuki looked at him with genuine concern.
"Yeah, I'm still alive and kicking." Joey chuckled, getting a look from Lance and JC while Yuki did not notice anything amiss. "What about your car, JC?" Joey recalled suddenly.
" All of us took a cab here. Separately of course. I don't think Johnny would appreciate it if I drove my car here and the reporters recognizes it and starts asking questions."
"Okay, so Joey, where do you want to go now?" She asked as she started the car engine and drove out of the much-hated hospital.
"Home."
Yuki dropped them off in front of Joey's block of apartments after leaving Lance and JC at Lance's place to pack his stuff. "Thanks for the ride. " Justin totally charmed the girl who blushed yet again before driving away.
Joey entered his apartment, fully expecting to see the broken pieces of glass and the stains of the red wine. There was nothing. In fact, his apartment had never looked so clean and tidy before. "Johnny got someone to clean up the whole place. Don't worry, Justin and I will be here until Lance comes back. Hey, you have any food in here?" Chris asked, going into the kitchen.
Joey shrugged and started to unpack the luggage he still had from the cruise and the hospital trip. He took out his medication for the wounds on his hands and the vitamin pills. Justin and Chris were bickering in the kitchen about the best and correct way to make chicken soup.
Then he heard it.
You were so close to being happy. I think you would have been so beautiful, lying in the red, blood with a smile on your face.
"No, I wouldn't be happy. This is where I belong. Whatever you are, just leave me alone. I refuse to be afraid of you. I am standing up for myself." Joey sat down on the couch nearby, feeling the blood rush to his head. He was going to defend himself.
***Ooh...spunky. I wonder if your knight would look as good lying in a puddle of blood, his blood. I do believe a little accident could be arranged. ***
"Oh god...No...not Lance. Please leave him alone." He brought his knees up to his chest and started shivering.
*** Think about it, Lance lying on the floor below a flight of stairs, his neck twisted at an odd angel. No? How about finding in lying in a bathtub full of his own...***
" NO!!! " Joey wailed and started rocking back and forth. He was slowly losing control of himself again. He could feel the voice taking over. Then he felt arms around him, bringing him back to reality. Chris was holding him. Joey had never felt so relieved as reality came crashing back. He could see Justin standing near the phone and feel Chris's steady heartbeat against his own racing one.
" Justin, call Lance and tell them to get their asses in here fast." Chris ordered before cooing softly to the frightened young man. "Okay, Joey, look at me. Look at me!" Chris lifted Joey's chin up and stared into his eyes. " Can you tell me what happened?"
"The voice..." Joey not breaking eye contact with the older man. "It threatened to...it threatened to take Lance...kill Lance...accident...Chris, please stop the voice in my head."
***No one can stop me, Joey boy. No one...I will leave you for a while. Enjoy it while you still can. Oh, say hi to the knight for me, will you? ***
"Lance and JC are on their way here. Lance wants to talk to you, Joey." Justin handed the cordless phone to Joey who gripped it with his left hand.
"La...Lance?"
"Joey? It's me, Lance. Listen to me. I'm fine." His voice broke into the frightened fog that Joey was in. "Joey, focus on my voice. Just take a deep breath. That's right. Now just let everything go. I'm on my way to your place now. Just relax." Joey managed to calm down slowly even though he was still afraid of the voice coming back.
"Lance, just keep on talking. Please..."
"Um...okay. Talk. What do you want me to say. Oh I know. Remember that trick that Chris supposedly played on Justin, a few weeks back at the sleepover at Justin's place? You know the morning where Justin woke up with red silk ribbons all tied to his hair; that really wasn't Chris. I did it all by myself. Aren't you proud of me? Now JC is looking at me in horror. You tell Curly and I'll do it to you. I know Joey wouldn't tell him. I trust him. Sorry, just warning JC" Lance paused for a while to take a breath before continuing.
" Yuki, that cute Asian girl whom JC was flirting outrageously with, came back to my place and left the minivan with us. Now JC is doing his speed-demon routine again. I'm getting used to it. Me and him in a car speeding past the streets. JC! Look out for the...never mind. He just ran through another red light. I'm surprised that he hasn't been given a ticket for dangerous driving at the rate he's going. JC, that was an illegal U-turn! Oh, we're here. I'm on my way up. I have to hang up now. Just wait for a few minutes alright? I'll be right at your side."
"Promise?" Joey spoke in a soft, unsure tone.
"Promise." Lance assured before hanging up. Joey held on to the phone, listening to the dial tone. Then there was a frantic banging at the door. Justin rushed to open the door. Lance burst through the door, all flushed and a worried expression evident on his face. He made a beeline for Joey who was still huddled in one corner of the couch. Chris barely got out of the way when the blond took over his place, hugging him as though he was never ever going to let go.
JC followed behind, dragging two suitcases through the opened door. "Great, now that everything is back to normal and Lance and Joey are involved in a passionate embrace, can someone help me out here?"
"Shh..." Justin and Chris hushed him while the pair on the couch simply basked in each other's comfort.