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Chapter 26 - Drunken Sailor
Ryan was sitting in his office, catching up on his reading in preparation for his class when his Receptionist/Secretary, Susan, knocked on his door and let herself in; knowing that he wasn't with a client. His plan for the day was to prepare his class, then head over to the University for his lecture before meeting Kyle at a gay-friendly adoption agency. He would have preferred to use Catholic Social Services, but their policy was to deny gays the opportunity to adopt a child even if that child had already been identified as gay. Since there were other agencies that allowed gay couples to adopt, Ryan was not inclined to enter a battle with his Church.
"Doctor, there's a man outside asking to see a psychologist; he doesn't have an appointment but he looks rather disturbed." Susan said.
"OK, send him in." Ryan responded.
The young man that entered his office was dishevelled and it was obvious that he had been crying for some time. He had dark hair, was about 5' 5" with a slight paunch, but otherwise seemed fit.
"My name is Dr. Loud; Ryan Loud, what's yours."
"I'm Glen, and I just want to die! My whole life is such a waste. I came out today with the idea of ending it all, but when I came into the building, I'd planned on throwing myself off the roof; but then I saw your name in the building directory, so I decided to come and talk to you." He said and then began sobbing. "I can't go on!"
"Don't say, 'you can't go on'. If you keep repeating it, you will believe it." Ryan corrected the stranger who was pleading for help.
"I'm so ashamed. I've been married three times and now my last wife's just left me and took our child. I ruin everything. But I can't stop drinking. I take one drink and I can't stop myself from having another."
"You're having a bad time and you have a drinking problem! But don't keep saying that you can't stop yourself. Again, if you repeat that over and over, you will believe it and then you won't be able to stop." Ryan interjected.
"I don't want to drink ever again, but I've tried and I can't stop." Glen said, looking at Ryan with defiance in his teary eyes. He was quickly using up all the tissues in the box that Ryan kept on his desk.
"Alcoholism is a cycle. Even when you stop drinking, you are still trapped in the vicious circle. You just need help to understand the mind games that you play to prepare yourself to fall back. Have you thought about going into a rehabilitation program?" Ryan asked, trying to motivate his client to accept help.
"My dad won't let me; he says that I can do it on my own." Glen said.
"How old are you Glen?" Ryan asked.
"Twenty-seven." He replied. "I gave up my job with Bank of America because I hated being behind a desk all day, and I now work with my father in his shop. He gives me all the money that I need and I like it better, even though I have a degree in accounting." Glen explained.
"I see, well, maybe I could talk to him?" Ryan said.
Ryan had Susan call Glen's father, and found him to be most agreeable and even willing to take his son to Treetop Village, but Glen felt so ashamed he did not want to see his father. Ryan agreed to take him, but first called the program to see what was needed for entry into the program. He was told that they only required an interview with the client and a medical exam which they would provide. They also explained that they only did intakes from Tuesday to Thursday each week up until 3:30 p.m. So Ryan cancelled his class and drove Glen to the center.
In the car, Glen confessed that he was also using cocaine.
"Are you injecting?" Ryan asked.
"No, just snorting it a couple of times a week." Glen said trying to minimize his addiction.
Ryan knew that he was headed into detox and that the next few days for Glen would be like walking through hell and he wanted to help prepare the young man for the painful days ahead.
"Think back to a happy moment in your childhood." he directed Glen; "try to recall all the details of a particular moment in your past when everything was wonderful and you had no problems."
Ryan expected to see the young man begin to relax a bit. However, his suggestion had just the opposite effect. Glen began to sob.
"I was so happy when my Grandfather was alive. I loved him so much and he loved me. We did everything together. He made me breakfast, he prepared my lunch for school. I miss him so much and nobody loves me like he did." Glen said between sobs. Ryan had a towel in the car, and handed it to Glen who used it as a handkerchief as he cried his eyes out.
"How long have you been drinking?" Ryan asked.
"About ten years." Glen replied.
"Was that about when your Granddad died?" Ryan asked, following his line of questioning.
"Yes, that hurt so much. He was laughing and joking one minute and the next he'd died of a heart attack and my life has never been the same since." Glen elaborated.
"Glen, your granddad lives in your memories. Try to hold on to a happy moment you had with him and how much he would want you to be well." Ryan said as they pulled into the rehabilitation center.
A young man opened the front gate and told them where they could find the reception desk. Ryan's eyes were wide open as he noticed how many handsome young men were walking about the compound. 'Damn' he thought, 'these guys are so attractive, but they have no idea of how far they could have gone in life if it weren't for their addictions.' Ryan parked and looked over at Glen. He noticed too how beautiful Glen's profile was and how his crying had disfigured him so that Ryan hadn't noticed till now how attractive he was.
"Are you ready to go inside?" Ryan asked.
Glen just nodded.
They were greeted by the receptionist, obviously an inmate too. After a short wait they were taken through into an undersized cubicle by a rather oversized young man. His overweight belied his competence. But it soon became apparent to Ryan, that the interview had more to do with assessing Glen's financial situation than his suitability for their program. He began to rue having brought Glen to this place and was feeling his anger grow. 'Why the hell does the Catholic Church spend so much time writing treatises against gay men when there is such a real need for rehab programs for the needy?'. Ryan thought, feeling himself withdraw emotionally from the process which was nothing more than a business transaction.
As Glen wasn't even carrying his wallet, much less any identification or insurance cards, the interviewer suggested that they present Glen to the courts and have them order him into rehab: and then the state would pay the costs. All this meant more paperwork in government offices. There was no way that they could meet the three-thirty p.m. deadline and Ryan knew that Glen could not make it through the weekend. It was very doubtful that on the following Tuesday Glen would be willing to sign into the program, if he was even still alive.
Ryan felt so defeated. 'Don't these people understand how difficult it is and how rare to convince an addict to accept help?' he lamented to himself. It was not the first, nor would it be the last time, that Ryan was frustrated by the system. Now he had to drive the young man home and Ryan was worried about Glen's reaction. Hopefully his father would be willing to pay the thousand dollar fee for detox and the five hundred dollar fee for entrance into the program and the weekly maintenance fee of seventy-five dollars.
Once at Glen's home, his middle-aged dad came running out of the house. Glen just hung his head not wanting to face his father. Earlier he had said that he felt like he had let his father down. But his dad grabbed him without saying a word, stroked his face lovingly and then kissed his son on the cheek.
Ryan introduced himself and explained where they had been and the obstacles they had met. "Your son needs to be in rehabilitation. I have an appointment waiting so I can't stay and talk, but Glen can fill you in and I hope you will help him do what needs to be done." Ryan handed Glen his card. "Keep me up to date." They shook hands and Ryan was off.
It turned out that Glen lived far out on Long Island and Ryan had completely forgotten about meeting Kyle at the adoption agency. Kyle was waiting in the crisp afternoon air in front of the building where the adoption agency was located. Kyle wasn't the most patient man in the world [if only he knew DQ, Ryan had thought many times], but he knew that Ryan wouldn't fail him. Kyle jumped as his cell phone rang.
"Kyle, I'm awfully sorry. I got all wrapped up with an emergency client. I can't make it on time. Can you just go in alone and find out what you can until I can get there? I am on my way, but I'm out on Long Island."
Kyle felt strange going in alone, but he also realized that Ryan was very dedicated to his work and it dawned on him that probably like many health-care professionals, Ryan would on occasion, neglect his own family to help some stranger. Kyle was thinking about this and how difficult that would be at important moments, but also how much he loved Ryan precisely because of his ability to reach out to others.
"May I help you?" asked the receptionist.
"Hi, my partner and I would like information on being foster parents or possibly adopting a child."
"Please take a seat and I'll get one of our agents to attend you." The neatly-dressed young girl said.
Kyle took a seat and waited another thirty minutes. Finally a Mrs. Roman walked up to him and introduced herself. "Would you please follow me to my office?" she asked.
Once inside, Kyle noticed how homey she had made her small office. There were pictures of her family all around. She had a contagious smile and a lilt about her that made her instantly likable. When she saw Kyle's 'wfs', she too, took to him immediately.
"My partner and I are interested in fostering or adoption. We are a gay couple and already have a second year high school boy in our care. He's not homosexual."
"I see. May I ask where your partner is?"
"Oh, he's a psychologist and got hung up with a client, but he is on his way." Kyle answered.
"Oh what's his name?" Mrs. Roman asked.
"Ryan Ryan Loud." Kyle answered.
"And how long have you two been together?" She continued her interview.
"I know this sounds bad, but a little over a month." Kyle said bowing his head.
Mrs. Roman winced and then said, "that is a very short time, perhaps in six months or a year we could re-evaluate your situation."
"Maybe you could give me some information on what you require and the processes involved." Kyle asked, hoping to continue the conversation and also his hopes.
"Well, we arrange for foster placement and that is a free service because the state covers our expenses; but an adoption can cost as much as five thousand dollars for a newborn and there is a very long waiting list especially for white children. We do arrange for Chinese babies but the rate can go as high as eighteen thousand dollars, but the waiting list is much shorter. We also arrange adoptions for HIV babies for nominal fees." Mrs. Roman explained. "We also do the legal work for surrogate mothers and that can cost anywhere between five and fifteen thousand dollars."
As she spoke, and the disappointment was penetrating Kyle's being, there was a knock at the door and in came Ryan.
"Doctor Loud?" Mrs. Roman said with surprise in her voice.
Ryan extended his hand to his former student, but couldn't recall her name.
"You don't remember my name! Does the name George Kelly ring a bell?" Mrs. Roman asked.
"Lynda Roman! Of course, how could I forget, it was you who introduced me to Kelly's Personality Theory. How have you been?"
"Just fine, Doctor, I finished my Masters about five years ago and found this job here. So what are you doing here?" Mrs. Roman asked inquisitively.
"Kyle is my partner, we are interested in adopting." Ryan said bewildered.
"Why didn't you tell me that your partner is THE DR. LOUD? I never made the connection. I feel so honoured." Mrs. Roman said beaming. "Can I excuse myself for a moment?"
"What's going on?" Ryan said to Kyle as they hugged once the agent had left her office.
"She said we need to be together as a couple for longer to be acceptable." Kyle said dejectedly.
"Oh, I should have guessed. It figures." Ryan said nodding his head.
Mrs. Roman returned and invited the two to follow her. She led them into another room where there was a drawn curtain.
"I want to show you someone." She said as she opened the drapes.
As the drapes opened up they saw an eleven-year-old Hispanic boy. He had curly hair, was tall and thin, but looked terribly depressed.
"His name is 'Emmanuel,' and he is from Puerto Rico. But he's been living in the US since he was about five. His father abandoned the family about two years ago. His mother was arrested a few days ago on narcotic charges. It doesn't look good for her. She is HIV positive and in the late stages of Aids. Emmanuel is not adoptable at the present time, but we need foster care for him like immediately. Dr. Loud, I can't think of a better person than you for this boy."
Kyle had tears in his eyes as he listened to Mrs. Roman.
"I was going to take him to my home tonight, but I already have two and they are a handful and I would not be able to keep him and then it will be even harder on him. Would you like to meet him?"
"Yes we would," said Kyle before Ryan could even process the question.
Mrs. Roman led them into the room on the other side of the one-way mirror.
"Manny, these two men would like to meet you." Mrs. Roman said in a gentle and caring way.
Manny looked up and then looked back down.
"Hello, Manny, my name is Ryan."
"And mine is Kyle. Ryan and I live together and have a son, Mark, who is a little older than you and feels lonely. He asked us if we could find him a little brother. We are looking for a boy who would be interested in having an older brother and two daddies."
"I would like that, but I don't want to leave my mommy." Manny said very deliberately.
"I can understand that. If my mommy were still alive, I would want to be with her too." Ryan said.
"We understand that your mommy is very sick and needs to be in the hospital and that you need somewhere to stay until she gets better?" Kyle said.
"I was taking good care of her!" Manny said. Clinging to his action toy of superman.
"I'll bet you were, but she has a very serious illness and needs doctors and nurses to help her now, but I promise you, when she gets better you can take care of her again." Ryan said as he rode the gray line between truth and lie.
"So how about coming to live with us and being Mark's little brother until your mommy sends for you?" Ryan asked.
The boy just nodded, not really sure and feeling very anxious, but the idea of being with another boy was very attractive to the lonely child. Mrs. Roman left to tell her supervisor the good news and to start the paperwork.
"Kyle, you had better call your son, so that he isn't too shocked when we come home with another son." Ryan said as Kyle's world famous smile began to manifest itself.
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