"Master Primus"
It all started with a notification on my mobile phone - one new gmail.
My thoughts were some or other scheme or spam-mail. I have obsessive-compulsive traits so wanted to get rid of the icon as quickly as possible...
"Hi there sub ... read your story. What are you doing these days?" Master Primus
I immediately got an erection, while the rest of the blood in my body went ice-cold. Why, you might ask?
A year ago, almost to the day I went onto a gay dating site, looking for a "fuck-buddy". My life-partner of 23 years, older than myself suggested I go out and find someone to satisfy my sexual needs before they disappeared. I am in my early fifties.
Looking through the various profiles of men into fetish-gear, specifically "leather-fetish", there was one that stood out like none of the others, but he promoted himself as a "Master". I wasn't looking for a Master. I don't deny I liked the idea of being "owned" in my fantasies, not in reality. It just didn't seem practical in these times when you barely have enough hours in the day to do the essential, let alone find time to role-play. I had also heard stories of guys who had given themselves up to the Master/ slave lifestyle that were totally horrendous and beyond any form of human dignity. No thank you -- not for me.
But, this Master sounded intelligent, kind and compassionate, something I found both strange, yet enlightening at the same time. I took the plunge and sent a courteous reply, as I thought one should address a Master and offered myself for training ... seeing that I'd never been a "slave" or submissive before. Allowing yourself to be the passive partner in a sexual relationship, isn't the same.
We connected, he told me he wanted me to do x-, I did it without questioning. Stop, y-instead, I did it without a doubt. I cannot tell you all the things I was told to do, and I did them without questioning once, even when I couldn't afford to buy a particular item.
I like to think I am eloquent, but I cannot find the words to tell you what it felt like to have him in my World, not my life, my World...
I felt loved... like I've never before.
I felt cared for... like never before.
I felt needed... like never before.
I felt worthy... like never before.
I didn't have a care or trouble in the world, because not only did he tell me what to do or wear, he also took care of all my physical, spiritual and emotional needs -- simply by being in my life. We had only been communicating via video-calls to my mobile, when it was by his doing/ choosing, never mine.
We did meet, once. During that 24 hour period, when he said suck me off, I did without hesitation ... lick his feet... drink his urine... smell his sweaty pits...lick his shoes or his hairy arse... I did all those things because I loved this man taking control of my thoughts and my actions. I wanted to please him in any and every way I possibly could. I surrendered entirely to his will and his actions, words cannot describe those feelings enough. I can only think of it now, as an out-of-body experience.
He asked me to write up my experience and post it online. I did, because I was so proud and happy. I never saw him again, after that weekend.
I have never felt so broken in my entire life.
Master Primus, said he would like me to write for him. He thought I would do well to have a Master in my life: my need to serve was very evident in my writing.
I had an erection and my pulse was racing... a Master in my life again!
I'd write a chapter of a story for him, because he told me to. You see, as he must do have done - I'm a pleaser, even if it comes at my own expense.
The panic and rush of writing a piece that would please him was exhilarating. Many times I was oozing pre-cum at the thought of having someone, in that very special, unexplainable way again.
Master Primus says, I will surrender to him...
Master Primus says, I will fall in love with him...
Master Primus says, I will serve again...
Master Primus says, I'll never want/ need again...
pup-writer
"I want to serve a Master again ...
who is trustworthy, sincere and honest
who is strong, kind and fair
who has integrity
who will guide me in my servitude.
... I want so badly, but cannot forget the hurt
... I hope he will understand me fears and read this with the utmost respect and sincerity, it is meant with
... I hope too, he will show himself to me, it's hard to trust or believe in an enigma.
pup-writer