I had forgotten what it was to wake up in the morning feeling warm and secure, to wake up with strong arms wrapped snuggly around my waist, as if protecting me from any danger the night would bring. I'd forgotten what it was like to be awoken by light kisses tracing my jaw, or by fingertips ever so gently brushing the hair out of my face. Indeed, I had been on my own for so long that it took a while to really become use to sharing a bed with someone again. Matthew had been so wonderful about our lives coming together again, never expecting or pressuring sex. We were simply enjoying loving each other. He even offered to leave his parents to stay with me at my apartment. Eventually our life together became split half and half between spending time at my house and spending time at the Lettermans' house, though at first I had my doubts as to how it would work out. Never did I remember Robert and Nadine looking happier. Whenever Matthew would put his arm around me while sitting on the couch, or pull me into his chest during long movie, Robert and Nadine smiled like Cheshire cats. Truth be told, I don't think I had felt this happy in a long time. Though I felt guilty about how our relationship had, not only ended, but had been from beginning to end, I had to admit to myself that my time with Drew had never brought me this much happiness. Perhaps what surprised me more than anything was Matthew's acceptance of our (Drew's and my) time spent together. Though it was in the past and over, I had still spent my fair share of time wondering how Matthew felt about this. He proved to me very quickly, however, that I had nothing to worry about. I breeched the subject one evening as we snuggled at my apartment. "Matthew, are you sure it's not weird for you to come here, I mean with my life with Drew being here?" "Alex the past is just that, the past. Whether we want to admit it or not, we've both lived different lives since breaking up, and that's okay. You've forgiven me, so who am I to hold some kind of grudge against you?" Indeed, that more time I spent with Matthew those first weeks, the more I began to realize how much we'd both changed, and that's what amazed me. It was amazing to me that, for all the changes in both our lives in the past almost two years, our love for each other was still just as real and strong as ever. We had both learned to accept the other for both our good traits and our faults. We never spoke of history or things that "had been." We were living in the present, determined to give the other a fresh, honest, open start, free from history or baggage. It was because of this little unspoken agreement, at least partially, that I received a great shock not a full month after we'd began dating again.
"Alex?" "Yes, hon?" "I've been thinking. We're trying to make a fresh start, right?" "Yeah, I thought that was the general idea." "Well, I think you and I should start looking for somewhere to live, on our own I mean." "What?" "I know it's a little out of the blue, but I think it would be good. You've told me a time or two that you still feel a bit strange coming back here, and you know that I feel a little weird about your place, because of why you had to move there in the first place. So all that being said, why not let's truly put the past behind us and start over? We don't have to move away from town, just somewhere neither of us have a history together." Wow! Was he serious? Though he knew it was a little strange for me, I'd tried to never allow Matthew to know just how strained and uneasy it felt for me going back to his parents' home. It certainly was nothing against either of them, but there were too many memories in that house. And the cruel truth was that those memories brought back even more memories, memories that we'd both tried our best to put behind us! "I think that's a great idea. Where should we start?" There was that dazzling smile, that smile that took my breath, but also meant that he had some kind of trick up his sleeve! "Well, I guess I should be honest. I've kinda had my eye on a little place." I did my best to mock displeasure and being upset. "Oh, really?" "Well, now before you get upset, just hear me out. When I was out the other day, you know the other day when I said I needed to be alone? Well, honestly I did want to be alone, but not for the reasons I made you think. I didn't want to ask you until I made sure I knew the whole story, but I've found a great little place just a few miles from here. I wanted to make sure the thing was livable before I brought it up, but now I'm excited to show you. I really think you will like it!"
I didn`t "like" the house, I loved it! It was like something out of a fairy tale. As it turned out, the house wasn't a "house" at all, but an old log cabin, sitting alone at the head of a "holler," as the mountain people called it, between two ridges of the mountains. The closest house, we had guessed, was about two miles back, so should we decided to rent, we would have great privacy. The owner had no idea how old the cabin really was, saying she "just always remembered it being there on the family land." The house seemed to fit perfectly into the surroundings. Being in the mountains, surrounded by the massive poplars, oaks, and pines of Appalachia, the whole thing looked as though it needed to be on some post card, and if I hadn't been sold on the outside, the inside did it! Though I still thought "roughing it" when I heard the word cabin, I was very pleasantly surprised by the insides. Though the outside gave an entirely different feel, the inside of the log house was a thoroughly modern house. The front door opened into an open floor plan with both the living area and kitchen, separated only by a beautifully done bar between. The living area was fairly spacious, the furniture obviously chosen to make one feel that "outdoorsy" feeling. But the truth actually being said, the house had been decorated in a way that still felt cozy. Instead of the typical hunting lodge feel with animal heads and skin rugs everywhere, overstuffed leather furniture and plaids made the house feel cozy and like a home. The couch and two loveseats were centered around a massive stone fireplace that took up the entire left wall of the living room. Even as we stood listening to the chatty lady clatter on about who owned the house in 1968, and someone else in 1975, I found myself staring at the fireplace, imagining a roaring fire crackling, and my Christmas tree glistening through the windows toward the cold snow outside. The kitchen, though a little cramped, seemed it would serve our purposes just fine, having a beautiful view of the small pond at one end of the house. At the very back of the house stood a wrought iron winding staircase that led up to the second floor. The second floor almost gave the impression of another house altogether, lacking only the kitchen. A small landing at the top of the stairs sat directly centered in the house, with a door on each side opening into the bedrooms. The master bedroom was fairly roomy, filled with it's own furniture, an antique sleigh bed, another tiny sitting area, and a very nice bathroom, and this was what surprised us the most. "And right in here is the highlight surprise. You'll have your own hot tub in here." We both could've fallen over as the lady wiggled her eyebrows at us mischievously. Though we'd both been surprised at how modern the inside of the house had been updated to, neither of us had expected the beautiful hot tub that sat looking out a window towards the small pond and field that surrounded it. "I expect you two'll make real good use of this, if you decide to rent!" The woman cackled as she left us goggling at the bathroom. Matthew's face grew crimson as he turned and mouthed toward me "I didn't tell her!"
Back in the living room there were details and serious questions to be worked out. Did the house have other heat besides the fireplace? Was the plumbing usable, or would it catch us at the worst time and cause mayhem? And what about heat and insulation? Finally the lady stood and gave us both a serious look. "Guys, I've been as honest with you as I know to be. As best I know, the house is perfectly livable and in good shape. I'll tell you what, though. If it'll ease your minds, you get an inspector out here first thing tomorrow, and he can tell you the facts as he see's `em!" As it turned out, Robert and Nadine had known about Matthew's plans, both of them smiling wicked smiles as they listened to our recount of the day. Robert had already planned on sending a friend of his, an inspector, out to help us decide on the house. "I'll send Clay out first thing in the morning with you, and he'll tell you if there's anything to worry about." But as we found out that next morning, there was nothing to worry about. The house was in great shape. Finally the landlady, Myra as we learned, sat down with us to discuss price, and this was what I dreaded most, but for some strange reason, Matthew seemed unusually calm about the ordeal. "Okay, Myra. Are we still on for the same price agreement?" The lady smiled and nodded. "Hun, that sound's good to me. You keep the house in decent shape and do the work around the old place, and we'll agree on $100 a month." The next two days were as hectic as any I could remember in a great while. Though my cousin Carla was surprised at my leaving the apartment above their garage, she was ecstatic at Matthew's and my news, even agreeing to give me a few days off "to get settled in," as she said with a sly wink. Ten trips from my old apartment and the Lettermans' later Matthew and I stood smiling at each other like little children. "Well, I guess we're home." "Yes, I guess we are." Matthew crossed the floor and hugged me tightly. "Are you sure this is okay? You know, we could've went somewhere else? I can still call and tell her we've changed our minds." "Babe, I've told you. As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we are, but yes. This is perfect! Besides, it's only fifteen minutes from my work and twenty from your parents. It's not like we've left civilization." He chuckled. "I don't know. We're pretty far out here in the sticks. Are you sure you'll be able to handle this?" I shoved him playfully as I ran out in the yard, running into the late spring sunlight. "The question is will you be able to handle it?" In an instant I was practically smothered by his strong arms. "Have no worries. I can handle you. Now, come here. I've got to carry you across the threshold." I laughed hysterically. "I'm not your bride!" To my surprise, he suddenly grew very serious. "No, you're not, and I'm sorry. You're not a woman, and I shouldn't treat you like one. You're a very strong, self sufficient young man, the love of my life. That's what you are to me, and I'm sorry for saying that." It was my turn to grow serious. "Matthew, I know you don't look at me as a woman. I was only joking. I like the fact that you show me love and care. That's what attracted me to you on that very first evening, the fact that you are such a caring, tender person. You treat me with more tenderness and love than anyone else I've ever seen, like I'm breakable. I don't want you to stop. If you ever stop, if you ever leave me, then I may really break. My heart really will!" There was that dazzling smile that made my heart jump. "Then come here, my little breakable china. I will carry you across the threshold of our new life together!"