Disclaimer: This story is a fictional representation of reality. It is not the purpose of this story to imply anything about the private and personal lives of any Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC member. If you are not of legal age in your state (18/21 depending) then stop reading this now. If you are offended by homosexual themes then you should stop reading and exit this screen.
Hi everyone! Thank you to all of you who e-mailed me after chapter one- your encouraging remarks were very inspiring and gratifying! Now I realize that I told most of you who wrote that this chapter was going to be up much earlier in the week, and I'm sorry for its late arrival. Things have been hectic around here lately. And for those of you who read and didn't write me, I'm waiting :) im_kant@hotmail.com
Shout out to Lucas Thompson! All of you should know him as the very talented author of 'because-I-love-you' (BILY), to me he's just an editor ;-) Thanx for all your criticisms and thoughts- they contribute so much to this story, you're a helluva guy. :)
Without further interruption from me here's installment two:
Maverick II
His eyes focused on me again, and I returned his gaze. My body seemed to melt as the sensation of his mesmerizing, piercing; almost hypnotic stare probed my depths. He was questioning my character and I knew it; my soul felt it. He seemed to be trying to discover if he could trust me, if I really cared about his problems, if telling me, a complete stranger, would help to alleviate his pain rather than add to it. While these thoughts raced through my mind, our eye contact never broke; neither of us blinked. Suddenly his demeanor changed, he had apparently found the answers to his questions.
"No, I can't explain it to you." His voice wavered and eventually trailed off into a whisper as he spoke. If I had to guess I would assume it was from either frustration or desperation, perhaps both. Before I could say anything he continued, "At least not here," he motioned at the surrounding bar atmosphere.
"Why don't we head over to a cafe, it'd be quieter and a lot more private," I suggested.
Silence. I caught myself wondering why I had been suddenly overcome by JC's condition. 'We don't know a damn thing about each other,' I thought. 'Why am I so hell-bent on getting him to tell me his problems'.
"Let's go," his words interrupted my thoughts. His voice was no longer a whisper and his mood was far more resolved than it had been moments ago. His words made my senses revert to him; I again witnessed the pain in his eyes. My mind ceased to wonder why I was so compelled to help him; it was beyond the power of words and rationalization. I followed him out of the club and met him in the street. We walked in silence and entered the first cafe we came across. He seemed lost in thought as I was still taken aback by how one individual could convey such emotion to me, just through his eyes.
We both ordered large coffees and found a secluded booth in the smoking section. Once we sat down, I lit up a smoke and waited for him to speak.
"Tell me about yourself."
"What do you want to know?"
"I want to know who Randy Maverson is."
"Wow. That's something you don't get asked everyday. I don't really know how to answer that."
"Well, why don't you start by telling me how you ended up at that club tonight."
I told him that I had just arrived in NYC and that Tom and I were celebrating our new jobs. I recounted how I met up with Nick and Kevin. He wanted to know about how I had met Tom, and how long I wanted to pursue a legal career. So I told him. In turn, I asked him about how he started in the music business and how Nsync came to be what it is today. We laughed a lot through the conversation, I rarely felt so at ease with someone I had just met. It was like we had known each other for years, and had lost track of one another and now were catching up on all the things that had happened to us since we parted ways. After about an hour had gone by, and we were both on our third cups of coffee, his cell-phone rang.
"Hello."
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU DISAPPEAR TO?" Chris shouted, he had been looking for JC along with Joey, Kevin, and Nick but had only discovered he was nowhere to be found at the club. "Are you alright? Randy didn't kidnap you or something did he?" The anger had faded from his voice, and was replaced by anxious concern.
JC had opened his mouth to say something into the receiver twice, but was apparently cut off by the speaker on the other end. The sight was rather amusing to me, and I laughed at him. My laughter soon became infectious to him, and when he finally managed to respond he had to force the words out through his laughter. Damn he had the sexiest laugh, and his smile- it shone pure brilliance.
"Yeah Chris," he laughed, "I'm fine, and Randy is with me," he snorted, "we're at a cafe a block or so down from the club. "
"I'm glad you find this so amusing," Chris coldly replied.
"I'm sorry Chris... I didn't mean to take off like that- Randy and I just decided to unwind in a quieter atmosphere. You guys can come join us if you want," he offered.
"No... it's already close to three in the morning and I'm pretty tired, Joey is probably going to head back to his room with Gina- the brunette he picked up earlier... so if you're sure you're gonna be alright-" he trailed off.
"Yeah I'm fine, besides Randy is here to protect me," he smiled at me- and I actually blushed at that, "are Kevin and Nick still there?"
"Yeah they're here."
"Cool, could you put Kev on the phone?"
"Sure, just a sec."
"Hey JC, what's up?
"Well, I was hoping to meet up with you sometime tomorrow to go over what we are working on. Actually, if you're not too tired you could join Randy and I at the cafe for a coffee."
"Yeah sounds good to me, I was hoping to talk to ya tomorrow too- I'll see what Nick wants to do and I'll meet up with you in a few."
"Cool, when you head out of the club take a left and we're in the first cafe you'll come across."
"Ok got it, see ya in a couple."
"Alright, bye." He closed his cell, and returned his attention to me. "I asked Kevin and Nick to come, I hope that's cool," he said questioningly.
"Naw, it's all good- I wanted to see them again before I went home anyway." I assured him.
"So you want another coffee?" I asked him.
"Yeah, but I'll grab 'em this time," he stated. I didn't give him any argument. I smiled at him and motioned for him to go. He grinned at me and then bowed grandiosely, "I'll be right back with your request sire," he said mockingly and assumed a humped-back posture as he limped away.
"Do make haste, Quasimoto." I replied laughing at him. He turned back to say something, but I just waved him off, motioning for him to keep going. He closed his mouth and opted on giving me the finger instead. I laughed harder.
When he returned, he brought Nick and Kevin along with my coffee. I looked at the three very sexy men heading my way, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning ear-to-ear. 'Damn this is turning into one hell of a day,' I thought to myself. My hormones overwhelmed my thoughts and my imagination began to present various impure ideas of how the three of them could make this night even better.
"What's on your mind Rand, you're grinning like a Cheshire cat." Nick's question tore through the images flooding my mind and I was thrust back into reality.
"You really don't want to know," I truthfully replied and successfully managed to hide my embarrassment.
"Yes I do," was his answer as he sat down beside me and smiled.
"Well, I was just thinking of how many people would sell their soul to the devil to be in my shoes right now," I smiled at them, mainly out of relief as I had managed to escape a very embarrassing situation. I made a mental note to be more careful around these guys, as I seemingly couldn't help myself.
"Yeah I guess you should feel honored," JC piped up, and I was about to give him a smart-ass remark, but his smile melted away that intention.
"Whatever," was my insightful retaliation.
"Well you should, it's not everyday that you're graced with the presence of greatness," Nick chimed in.
I smiled at Kevin, who was grinning at the two self-proclaimed gods of the music industry; "It's good to see one of you isn't encompassed by deluded visions of self-importance."
He returned my smile, which in itself was a sight of greatness, "No, I know that you and I are the only people at this table who are of any importance." He and I cracked up at that, as the two self-proclaimed music gods feigned indifference.
After a few minutes of Nick and Kevin sharing the embarrassing moments that had happened to Chris and Joey earlier at the club, JC and Kevin began talking about the music the two of them were currently working on, and Nick and I broke off into our own conversation.
"So Randy when do you start the new job," Nick asked.
"Actually, I don't start until next Monday, during the first week of May. Tom and I just wanted to get here as soon as possible to get moved in and get used to the city."
"Hey that's cool, so you are pretty much free to hang all week then," he smiled widely.
"Yeah, pretty much," I said- amazed at his excitement just because I'd be free during the week.
"Cool. What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Well Tommy and I will probably spend the day getting unpacked and moved in... other than that, I haven't really thought about it."
"Cool, do you want some help getting unpacked?"
"What!?-I mean sure if you want to, but I really don't think that it's exactly what I'd want to be doing on a Saturday." I was shocked that an international superstar, namely Nick Carter, was offering to spend one of his rare free days helping me (a nobody who he had just ran into at a club) move in to an apartment.
"Of course I want to help, like I told you before, you seem like a cool dude and I would like to get to know you better. Besides, I don't have anything to do this weekend; the contract negotiations don't start until Monday. Kev, Brian and I decided to come in early just to chill, plus the Nsync guys were already here and Kev wanted to go over some stuff with JC."
"Well if you're sure you have nothing better to do then that's great, 'cause I'd like to get to know you too- one can never know enough celebrities." We laughed my imitation of Kevin's voice. Kevin and JC had apparently finished their conversation.
What's so funny?" Kevin wondered.
"Nothing Kev," Nick said, still snickering.
"Alright, well it's pretty late and I'm very tired so I'm heading out- you coming Nick?" All of us looked at Nick in time to catch him in mid yawn.
"Yeah, I guess I'm pretty tired too," he smiled before yawning again "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then Randy."
"Yep, see ya tomorrow Nicky," he glared at me when I said that... I guess he really doesn't like being called 'Nicky'. But by the time he and Kevin finally left he was all smiles... damn he had a beautiful smile. Kevin's was breath taking as well and my eyes lingered on the two of them as they were walking out, leaving me alone with JC.
"I guess all those rumors about the Nsync-Backstreet rivalry are all media lies, seems to me you guys are pretty good friends," I observed.
JC just looked at me after I said that... His eyes captivated me... then he spoke; "No the rivalry is definitely there... for some of us, let's just say there are a couple members in each group that really don't like each other."
He looked at me expectantly, as though I was supposed to say or do something that the situation required. Not having the slightest idea what, however, I said, "Oh, that's rather unfortunate for those that do like each other, I guess."
He looked surprised by my answer, but he didn't let on what he had expected me to say. "Yeah it is unfortunate," he agreed. He paused, signaling that it was my turn to speak. I decided a change of subject was necessary.
"So are you gonna tell me what was bothering you earlier?" My voice had involuntarily became softer.
Again his demeanor changed, as his piercing eyes were flooded over with pain, confusion and longing. A searching look of innocence suddenly washed over his pained face. "What does it mean to you that I am JC from Nsync?"
I thought about his question, as I seized the opportunity to light up a smoke. "To me it means you are a talented and rich individual, who has the ability to be in the public eye and shine. It means that music is a passion in your life, and that you are very successful in making that passion into a great career. But beyond that... it is only a part of who JC Chasez is... and although it's a definitive part, it's not who you are... at least not to those that you call your friends and family... and it's not who you are to me.
"Who am I to you?" He asked, as the piercing eyes returned.
I took a haul off my cig. "You are a gentle, confident, caring person who I think of as a friend... a friend who is going through a hard time right now, who needs someone to be there for him... someone that he can trust."
"Can I trust you?" The searching, painful, longing gaze returned to his eyes. My heart and soul was breaking for this guy.
"That's for you to decide... but I hope you decide that you can."
"Do you... trust me?" His voice was small.
"Yes. I just have this feeling about you. I can honestly say that I trust you... yes I do trust you JC."
Silence. I butted my cig.
"I have a question for you..." he motioned for me to ask, "what does it mean to you that you are JC from Nsync?"
"It means that I have a label. A label that requires a certain expectancy and a certain responsibility on my behalf." His answer was direct, deliberate, and unhesitant. His voice was monotonous, almost without any emotion.
"How do you feel about having been labeled?" I took a drink from my coffee.
He thought about that. I just wanted to see him smile again... I loved the way he made me feel when he smiled... it was though everything was in harmony in the world... but I knew he wasn't about to smile.
"It makes me feel a lot of things... usually it makes me happy to be recognized and adored by millions of people... sometimes it makes me feel claustrophobic and confined by the limits and censors fame imposes on my life... sometimes it makes me feel overwhelmed at the sheer responsibility because I have influence over the lives of so many impressionable minds... but lately it leaves me with an empty feeling of who I am away from popularity and away from the group."
I didn't know what to say, so I opted to light another cig to buy me some time. I took in a couple slow, long drags as I studied his eyes- I just couldn't get over the way they affected me. "Sounds to me that either you are working too hard, or there is a deeper reason, other than the group and fame, as to why you have this empty feeling... and I think you know what that reason is."
"Oh really, and what reason is that?" He was suddenly on the defensive, and it was not one of his most endearing qualities.
I took another drag, "I have no idea, maybe it has something to do with being 'labeled'."
He looked away from me, obviously upset. I waited for him to speak, as I continued to smoke. Finally, I decided to break the silence. "I'm sorry if I upset you JC, I didn't mean to imply anything by that."
"No it's not what you said... well I guess it is in a way, not because you meant anything by it... but because it is the truth." He admitted softly.
"I'm not following you... what truth have I hit on?" I said as I butted my cig.
He was silent, seemingly having an internal struggle with what he'd say next. "I guess I'm just sick of the stereotypical classifications and judgements society uses to label everyone." His voice was tired and bitter.
"Yeah that's something we all have to deal with though- I mean democracy and liberation has their costs as well as benefits, its not a perfect system but it's the best one we've come up with so far."
"That's all fine and good, Randy, but what do you say to someone who is forced to live a life that is not reflective of who they are because of the standards set by society's imposed labels?" His voice was hostile and loud, but his eyes told the true story. He was frustrated and sad, desperately wanting a way out.
"Someone who is forced into living a lie because of society's standards... who exactly is that someone JC?"
Silence. JC stared down at the table. He was talking about himself that much was very clear to both of us. But the part I didn't understand is how society was forcing him to live a lie. I mean he had restrictions imposed in his life, such as spending most of his days on the road, away from his family and his home. As well as being under the constant microscope of the public eye. But that was all a trade-off for his career, a highly successful career that he gave the impression of being very passionate about. Most guys his age would be prepared to do almost anything to live in his shoes for a day, nevermind live his life.
JC finally looked up at me; I could see tears in his eyes. But he was too strong to let them fall. "What I'm trying to say, Randy, is that I'm gay." His face was blank, his movements were robotic, and voice monotonous, only his eyes registered any kind of emotion. He was staring at me, and all I could do was return the stare. Eventually his will was overwhelmed by emotion as a single tear slid down his right cheek.
After I recovered from my initial shock, I wordlessly made my way over to his side of the booth and held him, I could feel the tears in my eyes as well... but for some reason, I just wouldn't let them drop. He buried his head in my shoulder, it seemed like an eternity, but it was no more than four or five minutes. I continued to hold him against me lightly rubbing his lower back for several minutes before he pulled away. He immediately looked into my eyes, his were full of questions; I couldn't tell you what he found in mine because my brain had lost all control of my senses. My hand moved up and lightly brushed the side of his cheek and made its way around to deftly cradle the back of his head. I leaned in towards him and his soft lips met my mine. It was the most sensual, passionate experience of my life. I savored every moment of his touch, his taste, his soul, and for those few moments I felt more alive than I have in my entire life.
End of part 2.
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