Calling All Stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big DISCLAIMER: Hey, I still don't know Lance or Justin or any of the other guys in N'Sync, and don't take this story too seriously, okay? Just sit back, read, relax and generally be groovy!
Welcome back once again friends, and thank you for reading! Once again, it's great to be back! The usual stuff, as always: feedback and cash should be sent to kandlstories@aol.com, visit our neato new group at http://groups.yahoo.com/Kevin_Lance, or pay a visit to www.railwayshoes.net to read Maze and all kinds of great stuff!
I seem to be the king of the long pause here lately. I never meant for this chapter to take so long, but one thing after another kept happening. Still and all, here we are, and I'm glad to see all of you again.
Happy New Year to one and all! I wish you nothing but the best in 2004, and I hope you all had a safe and wonderful holiday season!
Let's get right to it!
--Tony
The Maze of Moments - A Kevin and Lance Story
Chapter 21 - Into The Darkness
"There are days when I swear I could fly like an eagle,
And dark desperate hours that nobody sees.
My arms stretched triumphant on top of the mountain,
My head in my hands...down on my knees."
--From "Sometimes It's A Bitch" by Stevie Nicks
If anyone had stood in front of the elevator when the doors opened, they would have seen the young man standing inside with one hand placed on the right side wall, and the other over his mouth. Even though his eyes were closed, they would have noticed that they were swollen a little, possibly from crying, or exhaustion, or a little of both. He stepped out of the car and turned to his left, almost sleepwalking down the hall towards one of the rooms.
They all looked alike, really. Hospital rooms usually do. A bed, a chair, a small bathroom, a variety of monitoring equipment and instruments used to keep the patient healthy and comfortable, all the usual things that one would expect to find. He walked past a number of them, keeping his head bowed slightly. There were only a few people, nurses and such, that walked by him and he didn't really feel like making eye contact with them right now. All he wanted to do was sit down.
He was beyond tired at this point. He had been up for over twenty-four hours, and had been in the same clothes for over twelve, so to be tired was perhaps something of an understatement. Although he may have nodded off for about twenty or so minutes earlier in the morning, that hardly constituted sleep. If anything, it was more like passing out, and the sleep he had gotten was fitful at best.
Stepping into the room, he saw his boyfriend lying in the bed. He had been sedated some hours earlier, and the effects of that combined with the concussion he had suffered ensured that he would be asleep for some time. He looked at the soft restraints that bound his arms to the sides of the bed and sighed. The struggle they had gone through in order to calm him down and get him back to his room was something he cared never to see again in his lifetime.
He leaned over and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead, but got no response. Not that he expected any.
Pulling up a chair, he sat down in it heavily and closed his eyes again, sighing heavily as he did so.
Eric Hagen was dead. Kevin Douglas was under sedation and suffering from an injured back and a concussion.
And as for Lance Bass?
Lance had just done something he never dreamed he would do.
He opened his eyes and stared at Kevin.
"How could this happen?" he said to himself.
May 12, 2000. Friday Morning.
The sun came up and began to cast the same unrelenting heat over the state of Mississippi that it had for the last several days. The light reflected off of the exterior of Saint Dominic - Jackson Memorial Hospital, turning the façade a shade of orange-red. The crowd that had gathered outside braced themselves, knowing that the longer they waited to see something or someone, the more likely that heat would bring discomfort and impatience. The best thing to do, naturally, was to go home and watch what was unfolding on any one of several television stations, or perhaps read the story in the newspapers. There certainly were enough reporters around to make sure that the story was going to be told, so it was unlikely that anything was going to be missed. It would have been the right thing to do, after all, to give the individuals inside their privacy and relieve some of the burden from an already taxed hospital staff. But this was the information age, after all, a time when the lives of celebrities brought out the curious or the nosy.
Lonnie shook his head in a combination of wonder and disgust as he took it all in. Granted, his charges were in the public eye, but something like this was a little different. They were entitled to some privacy. In spite of his anger over the situation his boys had put themselves into, he was determined to make sure that they would not be bothered. He and several members of the security assigned to N'Sync from Jive Records had just arrived in Jackson and made their way to the hospital. All he wanted to do was get them out of there and back to a hotel, or better still to the airport.
"Um. Excuse me? Sir?"
Lonnie stopped and turned around to see a young man trotting up to him. By the looks of him, he had been up all night waiting.
"Sorry, son, N'Sync won't be available to sign autograph..."
"No, no.... sir, my name is Terry, Terry Reid. I work for Lance Bass."
Lonnie stopped and thought for a moment. "Terry. Oh yeah, that's right. I remember Lance mentioning you. What're you doing out here? Why aren't you inside?"
Terry pointed to the police that were standing guard. "They wouldn't let me in, sir. They insisted I stay out here. I know they're only doing they're job and all, but..."
"Come on, you come with us. We'll get you inside."
Even though he was tired, Terry managed to smile. "Thank you sir."
"Stop calling me sir, huh? Damn boy, you're making me feel old here. It's Lonnie. Now, why don't you tell me what the hell happened last night?"
And Terry did just that, explaining that after the concert, N'Sync, Kevin Douglas, and Eric Hagen had apparently gone off to eat dinner and blow off some steam. Sometime later, they chanced upon a church that was on fire, and Kevin and Eric had run inside to save two children that had been inadvertently left inside. The roof collapsed, and even though Terry wasn't at the scene, he had heard enough reports via the radio or from the onlookers to know that Kevin and Eric had been hurt.
"Why were the boys with these two afterwards anyway? Good friends or something? I never heard of them before," Lonnie asked.
"Well, you see.... um.... Eric is Kevin's roommate. And Kevin is.... he's...."
"He's what?"
Terry stopped walking and pulled Lonnie closer to him. "He and Lance are.... you know."
"No, I don't know. What are they?"
"They're...you know. Together," Terry whispered.
Lonnie did a double take. "Well, damn. 'Bout time that boy found somebody. No wonder they.... all right, we need to get in there! Come on kid."
They moved swiftly past the police and the private security guards that had been brought in to contain the crowd, and stepped into the hospital. If confusion reigned just outside the doors, on the inside things were moving along as if nothing at all had happened. The hospital tried very hard to carry on its mission as if N'Sync was nowhere to be found and that they were currently at the center of a media storm. So far, it was working.
"Wow. I didn't expect to see this," Terry said as he looked around at patients, nurses, and doctors.
"What did you expect then kid? Screaming and crying teenagers or maybe some groupies?" Lonnie replied.
"Something like that, yeah."
"Life has to go on, and apparently that's just what the hospital intends to do. That's good. I'd rather they go about their business than come to a complete stop."
"Well, since you put it that way. Yeah, that does make sense."
Lonnie left instructions for two of his men to stay downstairs, and then went to find the hospital administrator. That left Terry alone, and unsure of what to do next.
'I don't even know where to begin,' he thought to himself as he walked down a hallway past the admissions desk. Next to the elevators was a hospital directory, and his thinking was that maybe he could figure out what floor Lance and the others would be on. As he began to read the list, the doors to one of the elevators opened, and out stepped Chris Kirkpatrick and an obviously shaken Justin Timberlake.
"Mr. Timberlake! Mr. Kirkpatrick!"
Chris turned to Terry. "Oh. Hey Terry," he said blankly.
"Is everything all right? What happened? Where's Mr. Ba...Lance?"
"Lance is upstairs, fourth floor waiting area. Go on up."
Terry looked at Justin and frowned. Normally, the youngest member of N'Sync was full of energy and expression, but this morning he looked shaken, and was unusually quiet.
"Mr. Timberlake?"
"Terry," Chris continued, "go on up, okay? Justin and I are gonna go back to the hotel."
"Well, alright. Can I get you anything? Should I call ahead? Is Mr. Timberlake okay?"
Justin looked up. "No, Terry, I'm not. Okay? Just go see Lance. He'll explain it to you."
"Come on Justin," Chris said, leading his young friend away.
Terry pushed the button and waited for the elevator to return once more, as the doors had closed while he spoke to Chris and Justin. Looking back, he could see the smaller Chris wrapping his arm around the waist of the taller Justin, almost propping him up, as they made their way towards the security the record label had provided. As he watched them go, Terry wondered what could have happened to make Justin act the way he was.
Stepping off at the fourth floor, he looked around for a moment or so, and then saw a sign pointing him in the direction of the waiting area. Walking towards it, he could see JC Chasez and Lance Bass standing with whom he assumed were Lance's parents, speaking in hushed tones. Lance, Terry thought, looked as though he would fall asleep standing up at any moment.
"Mr. Chasez? Lance?"
"Hey, Terry. Mom, dad, this is Terry Reid. I've told you about him before. Terry, these are my parents, Jim and Diane."
Pleasantries were exchanged, and then Terry turned to his employer with a worried expression. "I just saw Mr. Timberlake and Mr. Kirkpatrick downstairs...what happened?"
Lance sighed and closed his eyes, and began to summon the inner strength to go over everything that had happened during the night, when JC came to his rescue.
"Terry, why don't we go find some coffee and maybe something to eat for everyone, and I'll tell you on the way. There's bound to be a cafeteria in this building someplace."
"Oh. Okay...sure," Terry replied.
"We'll be back in a few minutes folks," JC said as he led Terry off.
Lance rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I want to wait here until Eric's parents arrive. They're going to want to know what happened last night, and why."
"Why not let the doctors and the police handle that, son. You've been through enough for one night," Jim Bass replied.
"Because, dad, that wouldn't be right. Besides, I don't think Kevin is in any condition to see them without someone else there. I don't want him to have to go through that alone."
Diane walked over to her son and took him by the arm, leading him to a chair. "Here, honey, sit down before you collapse."
"He should go home and get some sleep."
"No, dad, I'll be fine. Some hospital coffee and I'll be as good as new."
"What did the doctor have to say about your friend?" Diane asked gently.
Lance sunk down into the chair. "Well...they have him sedated for the moment. They were afraid he might aggravate his back, so they gave him something to calm him down. I think they had to restrain him, too."
A pained expression came over Diane's face as she felt for her son. "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry."
"Thanks, mom."
"Well," Jim said, "I still think there's little more you can do here. I'm going to go call the other parents and give them an update. In the meantime, you should really think about going home, Lance."
As Jim walked out of the room, Lance sighed again and turned to his mother, who was now sitting beside him. "Momma...I'm so sorry. I never thought...I never imagined that something like this...that someone would..."
"I know, honey, I know. But it's not your fault, none of it. Your friends just did what they thought was the right thing to do, and two children are alive because of them."
Lance nodded. "I know," he said, looking away from his mother to stare off at the wall. "But at what price?"
Joey Fatone put down the newspaper that he had been using to shield his face, and looked at the passengers coming out of the long tunnel as they exited the airplane. There weren't many of them so far, and since this was a pretty early flight he didn't expect a huge crowd. A father came off and embraced his wife and young daughter. A college student put his headphones on and strutted down through the terminal. Two elderly ladies chatted away as they attempted to figure out where baggage claim up would be.
And then the young blonde woman emerged.
"Britney," Joey said as he began to walk over. "Good to see you, girl."
Britney Spears dropped her small bag and embraced Joey. "You too, Joey, you too. I just wish it didn't have to be like this. Now, tell me," she continued as she let go and bent down to pick up her carry on luggage, "what happened? Is everyone all right? Where's Justin?"
Joey sighed as he took the bag from Britney and led her away, a security guard a few steps behind. "JC thought it might be a good idea if I came to pick you up instead, considering the circumstances."
"What circumstances? Oh my God, Joey! Is Justin hurt?"
"No, Brit. Let's start from the beginning."
Chris helped Justin into the room he had been sharing with Eric.
"Want me to get anything for you? Want something to eat?" he asked.
Justin shook his head and sat down on the bed, kicking off his shoes as he did so.
"You sure you're okay?" Chris asked.
"I'm fine. I just need some sleep," Justin answered as he lay back on the bed, not bothering to take off his clothes.
"I'll go wait downstairs for Joey and Brit. Her flight should be in anytime now...want me to bring her up when she gets here?"
Justin didn't respond. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
"Pick a card. Any card."
Justin walked into a room...somewhere. He wasn't really quite sure where he was or why, all he knew was that there was a table, two chairs, a light over the table, and someone seated there with a deck of cards. He sat down and reached out for the deck of cards being offered to him. He pulled one out and brought it close to his body.
"Now, don't let me see your card. You're gonna love this."
The dealer shuffled the cards again, cut the deck, and indicated for Justin to replace the card he had taken. Once the card was back in the deck, he again began to shuffle them.
"It's about time you got here. I've been waiting for you. I thought you liked to sleep."
Eric leaned forward and shuffled some more.
"Eric?" Justin asked.
"Who did you expect? Maverick?"
Justin laughed, remembering the character Mel Gibson had played in the movie.
"Don't tell me we're going to play poker? I don't think I have any money."
"Nope, no poker," Eric said. "Just a card trick."
"Eric, how did you...how did I...where are we?"
Eric shrugged. "Everywhere and nowhere. Someplace between fantasy and reality."
"In other words, I'm dreaming," a confused Justin said.
"Something like that, yeah. And then again, maybe you're not. You never know. But listen, I can't stay too long. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be okay."
"Well...yeah, I think I am. I guess. Why?"
"Because, my boy, I have places to go and things to see. And you and Lance have to take care of things for me while I'm gone. You're going to need each other, no matter what bumps there are in the road."
Justin nodded and watched Eric shuffle some more.
Eric's voice got quieter as he continued. "Make sure to take care of yourself, okay? And keep an eye on Kevin for me. I think Lance is going to need a hand with that."
Eric put the deck down on the table. "We had some fun together, didn't we?"
"Yeah, we did," Justin said with a smile.
Eric smiled back, then cut the deck and held up half. He looked at the card and then looked at Justin. "What was your card?"
"Ace of hearts."
Eric held up that same Ace.
"Whoa...how'd you do that?" Justin asked.
"Just a neat little trick I learned here recently. You'd better get going. And help take care of things for me."
"Eric, wait, don't go! You can't! You have to..."
"Sorry, Justin...I gotta go," Eric said, his voice becoming more faint.
"No! Wait! Eric, don't! Eric? Eric??"
Justin sat up in bed with a start. Seeing this, Britney got up from her chair and came over to the bed, while Chris and Joey got to their feet.
"Justin? Honey?" Britney asked.
Justin looked at his girlfriend, then over to his friends, and then back.
Then, collapsing into her arms sobbed and began to cry.
Lance leaned back in the chair, almost too tired to sleep. His mind kept going, though, as if it was stuck in the 'on' position. He had to go upstairs in a few minutes and check on Kevin. The doctors wanted him to wait for a couple of hours to make sure he had calmed down, and that time limit was fast approaching. Then, there was the matter of Eric's mother and father. He wanted to meet with them, tell them what had happened the night before, and tell them how sorry he was.
But he didn't think there were words to express that.
They would need a place to stay, but Terry could arrange that. Good old Terry, always knowing when to show up at just the right time. And JC, he could help, too.
Lance sat up and looked at the worried expression on his mom's face.
Mom and dad. It was great that they were here. He was drawing strength from them. But, at the same time, he was picking up all kinds of tension from his father.
A little known fact was that Jim Bass didn't exactly approve of Lance's decision to join N'Sync. He relented in the end, mainly because his wife and some of the other parents were going to accompany them to Europe. He wanted no part of that world, which is why he remained anonymous for the most part all these years.
Now, with the events of the last few hours, it seemed as though his dad may have been right after all. That this was a mistake, and that something awful was going to happen to them. It almost did, a couple of years ago when Lance became seriously ill while on tour. He, like his parents and the others, were afraid that it might aggravate his heart problem. Fortunately, it did not, and one argument later, he was back on the road. His dad gave in that time, too.
And now, this.
He had to make sure his parents understood that he had to stay here with Kevin, but without telling them exactly why. His one great fear, greater than anything else he was ever afraid of, was on the edge of being realized.
His mother would probably understand. Moms are like that. But his dad?
Lance sighed and got up. He wanted to pace the room a little, keep the blood flowing. His mom sat and watched him.
He seriously doubted that his father would understand. No dad wants a gay son, after all. Especially here in the south, where that sort of thing was not only frowned upon, it was the kind of topic that could lead to a whole series of sermons at Sunday church about the dangers of hell, and Bible passages being quoted. He had to keep it from his father.
Not just because of his fear. But also because of the love he had for him. He didn't want to disappoint him.
The solution?
Get mom and dad out of the hospital.
"Momma," Lance said as he turned to his mother, "I'll need to be here for who knows how long. Why don't you and daddy go on home, and I'll call you later. Or, you can go to the house, maybe with JC and Terry. I'll meet up with you tonight.
Diane Bass looked at her son. "Honey, if there's anyone who should go home, it's you. You look exhausted."
"I'm fine, momma."
Diane got up and walked over to her son and hugged him. "Honey, it's going to be okay. You've done everything you can for right now. You can always come back later tonight and visit your friend."
"No, momma...I have to be here when he wakes up," Lance said while trying not to cry.
"But, why? Why is that so important?"
"Because...because..."
Jim walked back into the room.
"Well, I got in touch with everyone. They were all pretty worried."
"I imagine they are. I was just telling Lance that he should go home for a little while and then come back later."
"Son, your mother is right. Go home and go to sleep. There's nothing you can do here, anyway."
Lance closed his eyes and in spite of everything that had happened gave a slight smile. "No, dad, I think I'm needed here. More than you know. I'll be fine...I just need to catch a third wind."
Diane pondered her sons' words carefully. And, like most mothers do, began to figure things out.
Lance was right. He did need to stay.
Unfortunately, her husband didn't feel the same way.
"Son, listen to me. This has been a terrible experience, I know. But you really don't need to be here any longer. You've done your part. No, go home and let the doctors and the authorities handle the rest. We'll make sure the others know you've left, and..."
"Dad," Lance interrupted, "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I have to stay here."
"Jim, leave it be, if he wants to stay, then let him..."
"Diane, he's been through enough as it is! How much more should he have to put up with?"
"Dad..." Lance tried to interject.
"Jim, he wants to stay with his friend and make sure he's going to be okay. If he wants to do that, then we should..."
"Diane, he's ready to collapse! His...friend, or whoever he is, will be fine. The doctors will take care of him."
"Dad..." Lance tried again.
"Jim, honey, look..."
"No, Diane! This is ridiculous! He shouldn't even have been there last night to begin with! Bad enough he's all over the country and all over the world and God knows where else and now this! He could have been killed last night, and..."
"DAD! Stop talking about me, and start talking TO me!" Lance yelled, suddenly more awake.
"Lance, son," Jim Bass began.
"Dad, stop it! Both of you! I said I'm going to stay here, and that's final! Kevin is upstairs, he's hurt, and I want to be here for him."
Lance started to walk off towards the elevator.
"Lance," Jim tried again as he walked after his son, "come on now, it's over. Let's all go home and leave this alone now. He has family coming in, and the other poor boy does too."
"Kevin doesn't have any family close by," Lance said as he pushed the elevator button. "I'm staying here. You all can stay at the house if you want. I'll come home later in the day to shower and change clothes."
JC and Terry were walking back, holding two trays with coffee and donuts. Terry's eyes were somewhat red, indicating that he had been crying. The whole story, or at least a condensed version of it, had been told to him. When they saw that Lance and his father were speaking to one another in raised voices, JC held out his arm to hold Terry back, making sure they wouldn't intrude.
"Jim, let him go upstairs if he wants," Diane said as she joined her husband and son.
"I don't see why he wants to stay here! It's not like this guy is his boyfriend or anything," Jim said to his wife.
JC and Terry's eyes went wide. Lance's eyes had fire in them as he turned to face his father.
"What did you say?" he asked softly.
The elevator door opened. Lance put his hand out to keep the door from closing.
"You heard what I said, son. Now, listen to me...go home, please. I'm still your father, and I know what's best...be careful how you choose your battles..."
"No! No, dad, that's where you're wrong! He IS my boyfriend! Why do you think I want to stay here?! I suggest YOU choose YOUR battles carefully and leave me alone!"
Lance stepped into the elevator, facing his shocked parents. As the door closed, he put his hand over his mouth, and steadied himself on the sidewall with his free hand.
"What...what did he say?"
JC and Terry inched closer.
"Jim, come here, come sit down," Diane said.
"No, wait...did Lance just say what I think he said?"
JC walked forward. "All they had was plain donuts, I hope that's all right."
Terry cautiously followed. "Um...yes. And, uh, they didn't have any kind of sweetener, so all we have is cream."
Jim turned to face Diane.
"Did...did my son just tell me he was...gay?" He turned then to JC. "Did you know about this?"
JC sighed and took another step forward. "Yes, Mr. Bass. I knew. We all knew. We've known for awhile now."
Jim Bass laughed. "This...this is a joke, right? That kid upstairs...that's not really his boyfriend. Is he?"
"Jim," Diane said as she pulled her husband back into the waiting area, "come and have some coffee and we'll talk about this."
"Talk about this. Talk about this? What's there to talk about! Are you telling me that you knew?"
"No, honey, I didn't know. Not until just now. Now, come on over here and..."
"This is unbelievable! I knew it! I knew this whole thing would turn out wrong! He's been changed, that's what! This was a huge mistake!"
"Jim, you're overreacting..."
"Overreacting! I think I have every right to overreact!" He looked at JC again. "And you! Why didn't you do anything about this?!"
"Mr. Bass, Lance is who he is, and we respect that. Now, with all due respect, sir, I don't think this is the time or the place to..."
"Well, when is the time or the place! This...this is too much!"
"Um, excuse me?"
The four turned to see a weary Jacob and Chad Douglas enter the room.
"We're looking for my nephew. Kevin Douglas? We were told to come to this floor?"
Lance looked down at his hands for a few moments, and then at Kevin.
"How could this happen?" he asked again.
A soft knocking at the door interrupted his train of thought, and he shifted in the chair to see two people enter the room.
"You must be Lance," the older of the two men said. "My name is Jacob Douglas, Kevin's uncle. This is my son, Chad."
"Hi," Chad said with a small wave.
Lance got up and walked over to shake their hands. "Hello, Mr. Douglas. Kevin's told me a lot about you. You too, Chad."
"Good things, I hope. Are you all right, son?"
Lance nodded. "A little older than I was last night, but I'll be fine."
"The doctor told us about what happened. I'm so sorry to hear about Eric. Are his parents here yet?"
"Not yet," Lance said looking at his watch, "but I'd imagine they'll be here any time now."
"I'm going to see about getting Kevin out of those restraints."
"Dad, can I stay here and wait? In case Kevin wakes up?"
Jake Douglas nodded. "I don't see why not. Lance, are you staying too?"
"Um...yeah. I think I will."
"Alright, then. I'll be back in a few minutes."
As Jake left the room, Lance went back to sit down, and Chad stood next to him.
"Is he hurt bad?" he asked.
"Bad enough," Lance replied. "It could have been a lot worse. He was a real hero last night. Both of them."
Chad nodded. "That's my big cousin for you."
Are you awake yet?
"No, not yet. I'm really sleepy."
Oh. Your family is here to see you. You should wake up now. Lance is here, too.
"I want to sleep. I want to sleep and never wake up."
Now, don't talk like that. That's crazy.
"No, it's not. When I'm asleep, bad things can't happen to me, or to the people I love. So, I figure, why be awake when more bad things could happen?"
But that's life. You never know what's going to happen. You have to give it a chance. I think you should wake up.
"And I think you should go fuck yourself. Leave me alone."
Nope. Sorry. Can't do that.
"Why not?"
You won't let me.
"I won't let you? You're the one talking to me. I didn't ask you to be here."
Not in so many words, no.
Cat got your tongue?
Well, you can't stay like this forever. Time to start the healing.
"Hey! Did you just pinch me?"
Would I do that?
"Yeah you would! Ow! Stop that!"
Time to get up...wakey wakey!
"Hey, I think he's waking up! Kev?"
"Kevin?" Lance asked, as he pulled closer in his chair.
Kevin looked around the room through foggy eyes. "Chaz? Is that you? How'd you get here?"
"Chaz?" Lance said.
"My nickname. Yeah, Kev, it's me. Dad is here, too. Well, somewhere."
Kevin moaned in pain and tried to sit up, but Lance put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him back down. "Easy, Kevin, easy. Remember your back. Just go slow."
Kevin looked around again, shaking the cobwebs as he did so.
"Lance?"
"Yes, Kevin. I'm right over here."
Kevin blinked a few times.
"It wasn't a bad dream, was it?"
Lance shook his head. "No, it wasn't Kevin," he said softly.
Kevin lay his head back on the pillow, and remained silent.
"You uncle went to go talk to the doctor about taking the restraints off. He should be back any second now."
"Yeah, Kev. Then maybe we can help you sit up some."
"Whatever," Kevin said without emotion.
"Justin went back to the hotel with Chris, and I think Joey and Britney should be there by now. But JC is still downstairs and so is Terry...and my...my mom and dad," Lance said.
"Great," Kevin said. "Have them all come through and see the guy who killed his best friend."
Lance and Chad looked at one another.
"Uh...I think I'll see what's keeping my dad. I'll be right back."
Chad left the room, and Lance looked back at Kevin.
"Don't talk like that," he said softly, "it's not your fault."
Kevin snorted. "Face it, Lance. It is my fault. If I didn't go running in there like that, he wouldn't have followed me, and Eric would still be alive right now."
"Yeah, but Kev, you couldn't have known what was going to happen."
"I should have though. Instead, I didn't think, again, and went ahead and did it anyway."
Lance sighed and started to undo the restraints.
"Shouldn't you wait for a doctor to do that? After all, we wouldn't want a killer on the loose, now would we?"
"Stop talking like that!" Lance said as he began to undo the opposite arm. "Just...just stop. Okay? For me?"
"Yeah, fine. Whatever."
Lance sat on the side of the bed and leaned in to hug Kevin, but his boyfriend pulled away as best he could.
"No, Lance, don't."
"But...but why?"
In spite of everything, Kevin had to laugh. "Because my back still hurts, that's why."
Lance laughed a little as well, and leaned in to put his head on Kevin's shoulder. "Please stop talking like that. Okay? Please?"
Kevin sighed and only nodded his head to appease Lance.
Lance sat back up. "We're going to work through this. Okay? You and me."
Kevin nodded again.
"It'll take some time, but things will get better. I promise. Okay?"
Kevin closed his eyes. "Okay."
The door opened again, and Chad and Jake came back into the room.
"Kevin...there's some people here who want to see you," Jake said as he opened the door wider.
Kevin looked up and when he saw whom it was, began to cry.
"Mom...dad..."
Joe and Teresa Hagen walked into the room and came over to Kevin.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!"
"Kevin, shhh, it's going to be okay," Teresa said through her own tears as she sat on the bed next to Kevin.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry..."
"Once we eat something, we'll go to the hospital. Are you sure you don't need to sleep some more?" Joey asked as he watched Justin sit down on the bed and put on his shoes.
"I'm fine, Joey. We should all be together right now."
"Honey," Britney began, "you've only been away for, what? Two hours? Why don't we just get some room service and you can relax."
Justin nodded his head. "No, Brit, I can't do that. I need to get back there. I'll sleep tonight."
Justin stood up and looked at his friends.
"Look, I'm fine. Really. I just need something to eat, and I'll feel a lot better. I'll meet you guys downstairs, okay?"
Brit kissed her boyfriend on the cheek. "Okay, sweetie. Don't take too long."
As they walked out of the room, Justin sighed and looked around to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything.
"Damn, where's my wallet," he said to himself. Seeing it on the nightstand, he went over and picked it up. Turning to leave, he saw one of the dresser drawers slightly open.
He walked over to it and was going to close it. Stopping, he pulled it open all the way.
Eric's clothes were inside.
Justin blinked, and took a step back. Looking around, he saw Eric's bag.
Somebody should pack these. Get them ready for...for whatever.
As he pulled out a pair of jeans, something fell out of one of the pockets. He looked down and saw on the floor several bills of various denominations. It was the money he had put back a few nights ago.
Eric had found it, after all. And he hadn't spent it.
Justin sank down to the floor, just as Chris came back into the room.
"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you had the extra key...Justin?"
Justin looked up at Chris and began to softly cry again.
"Maybe...maybe we should stay here," he managed to choke out.
Chris nodded and sat down next to his friend. "We'll call the lobby in a minute, tell them to come back upstairs. Okay?" he said quietly.
Justin nodded and wiped his eyes with his arm. "You know what?"
"What?"
Justin looked at Chris.
"I never had a friend die before."
Justin began to cry harder as Chris pulled him into a hug.
Lance waited outside the room.
The elevator opened, and JC stepped off.
"Lance? You okay?"
Lance stared through his friend.
"I...I can't do this, Josh."
"Do what? Lance, nobody's making you do anything, it's okay..."
Lance walked down the hall, JC next to him. "I can't believe what I did down there...telling dad and mom like that." He stopped and looked over to his friend. "I didn't mean to, Josh, I really didn't."
"I know. But what's done is done. One step at a time."
"Where are they now?"
"They're still downstairs. Talking. Terry is with them."
"Oh, God," Lance laughed in spite of himself, "poor Terry."
They walked on in silence to the end of the hall, and then back towards Kevin's room. As they did so, the hall began to shift and sway, and the colors began to change their hue.
And Lance fell against the wall.
"Lance!"
JC propped him up and looked around for help.
"So tired, Josh...so tired..."
Friday, May 12. Five minutes to midnight.
Lance woke up in unfamiliar surroundings.
He was in a room, but it wasn't his room, that much he knew.
"Hey, sleepyhead. Welcome back."
Justin smiled as Lance sat up in bed.
"Justin?"
"Yeah, Lance, it's me. Man, and they say I have bed head first thing in the morning."
Lance ran his hands over his unruly mop, attempting to put it back in place. "What happened? Where am I?"
"Still in the hospital. You kinda zonked out on JC this morning, so they brought you in here."
"What time is it?"
Justin looked down at his watch. "Well, let's put it this way. About two more minutes, and it's Saturday."
"Holy crap. I've been asleep that long?"
"You were worn out."
"Guess so. Where's everyone else?"
"Brit is downstairs with Chris. Joey and JC are at your house...I guess they're using that as headquarters or something. Your mom and dad left a little while ago, but your mom said she'd be back in a few hours. I think Terry is with JC."
"What about Kev?"
"His uncle and cousin are with him. And...Eric's parents left a few hours ago."
"They need a place to..."
"Terry already took care of it."
Lance chuckled. "Remind me to give that kid a raise." Then, he got serious.
"Justin. I told them."
"So I heard. Well, JC filled us in, anyway. He made sure your folks were out of earshot when he did it."
Lance brought up his knees and put his head in his hands. "I really fucked up, didn't I?"
"I don't think so. They way I see it, that was a pretty brave thing to do. Remember your birthday party last week?"
"What about it?"
"At one point, you said you had big balls. Well, you were right. You sure do."
Justin got up and sat next to his friend on the bed.
"I'm proud of you, Lance."
"Thanks, Justin."
Justin gave his friend a hug. "Love ya, buddy."
"Love you too."
Lance broke the hug and got out of bed, stretching as he did so. "Man, I need to brush my teeth. My breath tastes like hot garbage."
"Pleasant thought! Come on, let's see if we can't find you a hint of mint. And maybe a cap to cover up that thing you call a head of hair."
They walked to the door and Lance stopped.
"Justin. Everything's going to be all right, isn't it? I mean...with Kevin, and with my folks and everything?"
Justin thought for a minute.
"I don't know, Lance. I don't know."
As Lance opened the door, the light from the hallway poured into the room, and they stepped out into it. In their minds, Justin and Lance couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel right at the moment.
Instead, for the time being, all they could see was darkness.
One step at a time.
End of Chapter 21 But Kevin and Lance will return in Chapter 22, coming soon! Stay tuned!