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Then it hit me , Connor's son had committed suicide while attending his first year of college. I had heard my folks talking about it several years ago but I hadn't really paid much attention. I had only met Mitch twice , both times at the company Christmas party . He was probably 8 years older than me and had hardly given me a glance as we shook hands, the meetings had been pretty brief.
From what little I knew he was border line genius and had always pushed himself. So this is where it was all coming from. Quickly thinking back on it , Mitch had seemed kind of feminine to me at the time.
Perhaps there was another reason for Mitch killing himself. I had heard Connor make some pretty bad remarks about homos ( as he called them ) in the past while I was at the office with my Dad. It seemed like my Dad wanted to say something toConnor but my presence probably stopped him from doing so. Even back then anything about homosexuality caught my attention.
" Mike , your Mom and I already knew about the Core classes but decided to see how you performed during the first quarter. We had planned on speaking to you about changing classes but you beat us to it. The school had recommended Core when we registered you but we went with the college prep classes instead. Had we known what we know now, you'd have started in Core and we wouldn't be having this conversation. "
At this point I tried to pull away from him but he just pulled me in tighter. I tried to interrupt but he cut me off before I could even get a word in."Let me go back down and talk it over with your Mom , but you know what ever we decide it will be what we think is best for you. We both love you very much and after I've talked with your Mom you'll have a chance to speak. OK?"
I tried pulling away again but it was no use. The tears had started again but I managed to say thru the sobs;
" I can't believe you guys knew about this and didn't say anything to me. . You knew about this all along ! And here I've been making friends only to lose them again... Why don't we just move again , it's the same fucking thing. I know you Dad , you've already decided. "
"I know you're upset so I'll over look the language.
Yes , I think the move will be best and what we do for you we do out of love , you'll understand when you have kids of your own someday."
I knew my parents loved me but at this point I truly felt that I hated my Dad .
I almost said fat chance of that happening but caught myself at the last second. This was definitely not the time to tell him I was queer.
He gave me another squeeze before leaving me in my misery. I heard him walk down the stairs and try to talk to my Mom but before he could say much Mom lit into him. I stopped sobbing and crept to the top of the stairs to eavesdrop. Obviously my Mom had been doing the same.
" I don't believe you Tim , how could you do that to him! ? " she began rather loudly. " We , as in the three of us haven't made a decision on this yet and before we do I want to hear Mike out completely. He's growing up Tim and it's time for him to start having some input . "
" Carol , I told Mike we'd hear him out on this. "
" Yes , but you pretty much said your mind was made up.
Why would he even bother now? If you want to push him away, you just keep on going down this path with him and I guarantee what you have with him now you'll lose.
Other than the fights he's been a damn good kid.
Didn't you even hear him when he said he was able to get those bullies to leave Sam alone without fighting? Look at some of the neighborhoods we've rented in . A good kid so far considering how many times we've moved !
Tim , you grew up in the same house from the day they brought you home from the hospital to the day you left for the Marines. You're still in touch with at least a half a dozen of your childhood friends. Mike will never have that unless we start letting it happen right now."
Alright , go Mom I thought. My folks fought rarely but Mom was on a roll and didn't seem to be letting up anytime soon.
" Have you even noticed how his face lights up when he talks about Sam ? I haven't seen him like that in years , Tim. For the first time in years he has a friend he can share things with ! Sure he'll still see him and the other ones he's mentioned but even I know it won't be the same. I think you'll see it also if you think about it. Let's give him a few minutes to calm down and then we'll hear him out. OK? "
I crept back into my room and shut the door , I didn't want them to hear me talking with Sam . He answered on the first ring.
" Mike are you ok ? Why did you hang up so fast? What's going on " , he asked with one long breath.
" My folks already knew about the Core class and were planning on me moving after the first quarter because the fucking school work and shit doesn't come easy to me Sam. It takes me forever to do my homework just to get fucking C's. The tests are even worse. My Dad thinks I'm too stressed out and may off myself or get strung out on drugs or booze. " I went on ;
"I told both of them that we were going to study together but my Dad has pretty much made up his mind . My Mom just laid into him and in a few minutes they'll want me to come down and talk to them about it. "
" Jesus Mike , I hope you can stay in our class but please don't argue with your folks .... we'll make time for us to spend together, I promise you that ! Just don't argue , please? "
" I won't argue with my Dad over it Sam, I promise. I'd just lose anyways. It sounds like Mom is on my side but once my Dad's mind is made up he never changes it. Never. Well hardly ever . If anyone can make him change it, it will be Mom.
I did have a glimmer of hope but had a sinking feeling it was going to Core for me. I heard my Mom calling to me to come down so told Sam I'd call him back and quickly added " I love you " as I hung up. I told Mom I'd be down in a minute and went into the bathroom to rinse my face.
Man , did I look rough. My face was tear streaked and beet red. I decided not to wash my face as it might show them how badly I felt about this move.
As I slowly walked down the stairs I had realised that I had told Sam that I loved him for the first time. I had done so without even thinking about it. It had just popped out . Hmmmm.
In the living room my Dad sat in his easyboy while Mom had her usual spot on the couch , dinner was still on the table slowly growing cold. I sat on the love seat and waited for the bad news.
nstead my Dad got up and sat with me and asked me to begin.
I thought it would only be fair to tell them I had over heard them earlier. My dad just nodded and told me to make my case.
I began by telling them I was sorry for being disrespectful by leaving the dinner table and for swearing upstairs. My Dad gave me a weak smile and said I was forgiven . I knew I had to sell my Dad on this more so than my Mom so I looked directly into his eyes while I made my case.
I didn't want them to feel guilty about moving so much and told them that I understood why we did. My Dad had busted his ass to make T & C a success. He and Connor had both put in long hours and now they were finally able to hire more people for the field and to help Connor out in Boston. Allowing them a little breathing room. I knew the moves hadn't been easy on any of us and told them so.
I went on to say that I hadn't bothered making any close friends as we'd just be moving again so I didn't see the point. But now that we had bought a house things were different , I felt like I could finally make some real friends to hang out with and share things with . I was tired of being alone.
I reminded them that Sam was on the honor roll and was more than willing to help me and that he'd be getting something out of it in return , it wasn't all one way.
" I promise not to get too worked up over the homework and tests. Getting Cs aren't the end of the world and I should push myself.
What's going to happen if I decide to join the Marines ? I won't be allowed to slack off just because it's hard , now will I Dad? Didn't you push yourself to be better than you thought you could be? Nothing bad is going to happen with me. I promise. As far as drugs or alcohol I know better than that. That stuff's for losers ! And I'd never feel bad enough to kill myself . Heck I want to see the world and that's hard to do if you're dead.
I just want to hold on to what I have now. It means a lot to me , please? "
I couldn't help myself and the tears I'd been holding back rolled down my checks but never stopped looking my Dad.
I was running out of things to say to make my case so I finished up by adding , " Look if you think I'm melting down I'll go into the Core class willingly but only you if let Sam help me first. OK? "
My Dad said that they'd talk it over between them after dinner and I'd have an answer before bed time. So we returned to the table and carried on as if nothing had happened.
I asked to be excused before heading back up to my bedroom to call Sam.
To be continued .
I'd like to thank Adrian for proof reading me and Sam and making the story a much better read !
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