This story is copyright Triple X. It cannot be used on any site without my consent. If you wish to use it, please contact me at XXX_Supafly@yahoo.com. Please check out my site for other stories, as well as updates on my writing. http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/TripleX
Disclaimer: This story features sexual situations between gay males. If you are not supposed to read this for whatever reason, please leave. For those of you still here, I really hope you enjoy this story.
(Quick note. This story is written from the perspective of the main character writing a book of his life. So when it says Author Note, and dedication below, it is written as the character, not as me.)
Author's Note: I've been in this business for almost 22 years now. And looking back over everything, all the memories seem so much sweeter now than they did the first time. So many things have happened to me because of this business, some good, some bad. And I'll use this book to share them all with you. After years of pleading from my publishers, managers, record labels, etc. I have finally caved in and written these, my memoirs.
This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever had a dream.
Chapter 1: First Big Break
I had dreamed from the first time I'd heard a Diana Ross song, to be that big of a superstar one day. And after years of trying, I was finally on my way. Of course, I was nowhere near superstardom yet. But after dreaming of it for so long, the record deal alone was a dream come true.
The year was 2013. And contrary to what everyone thought in the late 90's-early 2000's, pop music stayed around. It was just as big then as it was from the first time Britney Spear's "Baby One More Time" blared through speakers across the world. Of course, teen pop singers we're few and far between in them days. The artists that the world thought would fizzle away, continued to dominate the music scene. And it was one of them that helped me get to where I am now. Cue the flashback music.
I had grown up in the small town of Anson, Texas. And by the time I turned 17, the entire town knew of my vocal talents. But still, nothing had ever come of it. But I never let that discourage me. I continued to take what little gigs I could get, singing at birthday parties, weddings,and even a funeral once. I loved to sing, and that's what I wanted to do. Even if it would only be for a small crowd of people in the Anson Town Hall.
It was right around that time that I met Mick Jensen. He was an older man, about 60 at the time. Pretty much everyone in Anson knew him. His pizza parlor was famous. Not just for the pizza, but for the Karaoke Friday nights, that everyone in Anson had been to at least once.
Not me though. I was a bit of a late bloomer socially. My time was always buried in music. Be it listening to, writing, or singing it; music always had my attention. But in seventh grade I met Ashley. And with her, came an actual social life for me. Which is how I came to know Jensen's Pizza Parlor.
One Friday night in the ninth grade, Ashley called me around 8 pm, and told me to get ready. I asked for what, and she eventually told me. I was kind of excited. After all, these Karaoke friday nights were famous all throughout Anson. And finally after 16 years, I was finally going to one. I got ready quickly and ran to my car. Ashley said she'd meet me there.
I got ready as quickly as I could. I decided against my purple contact lenses. (The world would just have to live with my blue eyes tonight.) I stood infront of the mirror for a few seconds, trying to decide on what to do with my dingy blonde hair for the evening. I decided to just throw a hat on, as I was supposed to meet Ashley at Jensen's in less than 20 minutes. So I grabbed my white Oakland Raiders hat, and my car keys from the kitchen table and was on my way.
I arrived at Jensen's to find Ashley waiting for me by the front doors. When we walked in there was hardly a seat to be found. Ashley and I scanned the entire restaurant, eventually noticing a small table in the corner next to the stage. I grabbed Ashley by the hand and drug her quickly over to it. We sat down and began to look over the menu. We decided on a chips and cheese, and flagged down the waiter. As he smiled over at us, I noticed the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. I continued to stare in his direction, as my thoughts drifted off to my attraction. I had often found myself attracted to men, celebrities for the most part. I hadn't really come to terms with that just yet. But here I was, staring at this gorgeous man, attracted to him beyond belief. It was him walking to our table that snapped me back to my senses.
"Hey Doyle," Ashely said as he approached.
"Hey Ash," He said back. "What can I get you two tonight?" He asked, flipping open a note pad.
"Small chips and cheese, and a pitcher of Coke," She replied.
He jotted it down quickly then looked straight at me. I could feel my knees begin to knock underneath the table. Never in my life had I felt an attraction this strong.
"Will that be it?" He asked, smiling at me.
"Y yeah," I stammered out.
"Okay," He said again.
He smiled at me again then reached across the table and took our menus. I continued to stare at him as he walked back to the kitchen. Ashley waved her hand in front of my face, bringing me back to my senses. I looked over at her, a look of silent amusement on her face. She began to chuckle slightly.
"What?" I asked
"You have so got a thing for him," She said back, throwing a straw wrapper at me.
"After 2 years of knowing you, you have finally got a crush. I'm so proud Ethan," She said, laughing slightly at the finish of her statement.
My eyes connected with her's and froze. In an instant my body iced over. It had been my intention to never let ANYONE know about my secret gay longings. And now, Ashley had found out. I was freaking out inside, but outside, my eyes had not left her's.
"Its okay Ethan," She said, grasping my hand in hers. "I'm cool with it,"
"C--Cool with what?" I asked, nervously.
"You being attracted to guys. Hey, it gives us more to talk about," She said, smiling at me.
"I looked at her and shook my head. Well that was horrifying. But at least she was cool with it. The rest of the world still wasn't going to know. I planned on having a career in music somehow, and the whole world knowing I was gay; probably wouldn't help.
The incredibly cute waiter, who was now identified as Doyle eventually returned with our food. Ashley and I sat and talked for a few minutes, both of us picking at the slightly over cooked chips and cheese, when the Karaoke emcee announced that the Karaoke was about to begin. I turned in my seat and heard the music to Janet Jackson's "That's the Way Love Goes" start up. As the woman began to sing, I cringed. This was one of my all time favorite songs, and what this person was doing to this song could be considered a felony in 48 states. I plugged my ears and began to shake my head. After the song came to an end, people began to clap and cheer, for some odd reason. But as usual, my big mouth got me in trouble.
"My cat has sang better," I said, I thought quietly enough, but obviously not.
"You think you can do better?" the "singer" asked me.
I had lost all reason at this point. When people confronted me on singing matters, I lost all track of reality.
Think. Hell, I know I can do better than that,"
"Well be my guest," The singer said, extending the microphone in my direction.
I slid out of my seat and walked up to the stage. I walked over to the emcee, who was laughing hysterically and asked for a song list. He handed me the extremely thick book, and I changed my mind immediately. Oh no, I was still gonna show this bitch how to sing, but I decided against looking through that book.
"Do you have My All by Mariah Carey?" I asked the emcee.
"Sure do," He said, typing the title into the computer.
I walked up to the monitor and grabbed the other microphone. After that torture that woman had put the other mic through, it needed a break. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, as the first words began to appear on the screen:
"I am thinking of you. In my sleepless solitude tonight. If its wrong to love you. Then my heart just won't let me be right. Cause I've drowned in you. And I won't pull through without you by my side.
I'd give My All. To have. Just one more night with you. I'd risk my life. To feel. Your body next to mine. Cause I can't go on. Living in the memory of our song. I'd give My all. For your love. Tonight..."
It was usual for me to close my eyes as I sang. I got that much into it. If my eyes would've been open, I would've noticed that every eye in the place was glued to me. As I belted out the last note, the entire restaurant erupted in applause. You couldn't have surgically removed my smile at that point. I looked around and noticed that one by one, the entire restaurant had began to stand. I had recieved a standing obation. How bout that for showing that bitch up.
"I think I did better," I said smugly.
I put the mic back into its holster and walked back to our table. Ashley who had heard me sing many a time, was laughing. I was so proud of myself at that point, I almost bounced back to the table. Ashley didn't say anything to me, just gave me a slight little smirk. I immediately knew she was up to something.
"Encore," She began to chant loudly. "Encore, encore, encore,"
The words travelled quickly throughout the restaurant as the normal smell of pizza did when the doors opened at lunchtime. The crowd began to beat on the table as they chanted "encore, encore, encore," I could faintly hear the emcee over the roar saying
"Come on dude, or they'll tear this place down,"
So reluctantly (yeah fucking right) I went back to the stage. As I stepped back onto the stage the crowd began to quiet into just applause, then into eventual silence. I walked over to the emcee and opened the book quickly. I flipped through about 3 or 4 pages and put my finger on a song. Hopelessly Devoted by Olivia Newton-John, luckily I knew that one.
"That one," I said to the emcee, showing him the book.
"You got it chief," He said, clicking away at his computer.
I grabbed the microphone and cleared my throat. A hush fell over the whole restaurant. I looked out, and this time noticed everyone in the restaurant was focused on me. This gave me an incredible feeling of power. I was determined to give them an even better performance than the first one. I cleared my throat once more as the music began to play and the words entered the screen:
"This smile, is not the first Heartbroken. My eyes are not the first to cry. I'm not the first to know. There's just no getting over you.
I know, I'm just a fool. Who's willing. To sit around. And wait for you. But baby can't you see. There's nothing else for me to do. I'm hopelessly devoted to you..."
As I finished the song, the restaurant once more erupted into applause. I put the microphone back into its holster and walked smugly back to my table. Being her normal self, Ashley felt the need to remind everyone "That is my best friend," I just laughed at her as the emcee began to sing my praises.
"Wow, I'm not sure anyone's gonna wanna come up here after that," He said, walking around the stage. "But hey, someone be brave,"
The stage had completely lost my interest, since no one was murdering a song at the moment. Ashley kept telling me how great I was, as if she had never heard me sing before. But hey, I loved her for it. My thoughts bounced from my amazing talent, to the cute waiter as he began to approach us. He had his apron slung over his shoulder, and a coke in hand. I knew before he even walked up to us what Ashley was going to do.
"Hey Doyle, care to join us?" She asked
"Don't mind if I do," He said, sitting his coke down on the table and sliding in next to Ashley.
"Oh Doyle, this is Ethan, Ethan Doyle," Ashley explained, introducing us.
"Nice to meet you," He said, extending his hand to me.
I shook his hand and felt shivers shoot down my spine. I know its stupid, but even a minor touch like that gave me chills. I released the handshake but didn't remove my eyes from his beautiful face. His green eyes sparkled, much like his smile. This boy was gorgeous. But I shook those thoughts from my mind quickly, so he wouldn't notice my staring. I grabbed the pitcher and re-filled my coke. I took a quick sip at it, then spoke.
"So how do you two know each other?" I asked
"Oh duh," Ashley laughed. "I should've said, this is my cousin Doyle."
"Cousin? Poor guy," I joked, grinning at Ashley.
"Tell me about it," Doyle agreed, flashing his killer smile.
I smiled over at him and completely lost myself once more in his gorgeous green eyes. I could see Ashley out of the corner of my eye, smiling like she had just won the lottery. It was her kicking me under the table that made me realize I hadn't stopped staring at Doyle. I definently needed to cool down a little. I announced I needed to use the restroom, and quietly slid out from the table. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I walked up to the sink and stared deep into the mirror.
"Pull yourself together Ethan," I sighed, splashing cold water on my face. "He's gotta be straight,"
I snatched some paper towels from the dispenser and dried my face. I gave myself a quick look in the mirror, then re-emerged into the restaurant. I began to walk back to my table when a voice called to me from behind.
"Hey you, singing kid, come here," The voice yelled.
I assumed he was speaking to me, and began to walk towards the bar. As I walked up to the bar, the person who yelled for me pointed to a door behind him.
"Mr. Jensen wants to see you," He said, pointing to the door behind him.
"Okay," I said, unsure of what exactly was happening.
I walked behind the bar and cautiously knocked on the door. I could hear the voice inside the room yell "Come in." I walked in and shut the door behind me. In front of me sat a grizzled old man, looking over a stack of documents on his desk. He looked up from his papers and smiled at me.
"Sit down," He said, sitting his papers down on the desk.
I obliged and pulled the chair up in front of the desk. I was still completely clueless as to what was going on here.
I heard you sing earlier," He said, removing his glasses and putting them in his pocket. "You were amazing,"
"Thank you," I said, once again proud of myself.
"I asked you here for one reason. I don't know if you know, but the usual Tuesday act here just got a record deal, and is moving to New York,"
"I had no idea actually. This is the first time I've ever been here," I replied
"Oh, no biggie. What I'm saying kid, is would you like to take over the Tuesday slot?"
All at once I was lifted from reality. This was too good to be true. I kept expecting to wake up anytime, still in my bed. I couldn't believe it, I had been offered my own time slot. Where people would listen to me, all night. There was no way in hell I was turning this down.
"I'd love to," I said, still in somewhat shock.
"Great," He said. "You get to perform anywhere from 10-12 songs a night, depending on how business is that day. Its only Tuesdays for now, but that is one of our best days. You just take these papers here, fill em out and bring em back to me. Then you can start," He explained, handing me the papers he had been looking over.
I took the papers and shook the man's hand. My un-removable smile had once again returned as I walked back to the table. I didn't care what these papers said, as long as I could sing, in front of an audience. And if the other act had gotten a record deal, maybe I could too. I sat back at the table and stared at the two of them for a few seconds. Ashley gave me this inquisitive look, and snatched the papers from my hands. She looked them over for a few seconds, then showed them to Doyle. He looked them over and smiled brightly at me.
"Getting a job here?" He asked, handing me back the papers.
"Yeah. I just became the new Tuesday act," I said, keeping my calm, waiting for Ashley's reaction.
"You what?" She asked, a shocked look on her face.
"I just became the new act Tuesday nights," I replied.
She stared at me for a few seconds, then burst out screaming. She almost jumped across the table and grabbed me into a hug. If it were possible, I would've thought she was happier than me. She started in once again with the "that's my best friend" chants. I put my finger up to my lips to shush her, but alas, it was too late.
"Whoa kid," The emcee said, the microphone echoing the statements throughout the restaurant. "Your the new Tuesday act?"
I knodded my head and yelled "Yeah."
"That's cool. Kelly left some big shoes to fill, but I think you can handle it. How's about you come up and sing one more for the folks tonight, to commerate your first night at Jensen's?" He asked, pointing the microphone at me.
"Okay," I obliged, walking up to the stage. I had run out of idea's on which songs to sing, so I grabbed the book. I told the emcee to bring someone else up while I looked for a song. He agreed, and the woman who had started this whole thing tonight, came back on stage. I looked up at her and flashed her my best devilish smile. I think she knew better than to pick a Janet Jackson song again. As the song began to play, I noticed the sounds of Britney Spear's "From the Bottom of my Broken Heart," That was when it occured to me. I walked over to the emcee and began to talk to him.
"You got Born to Make You Happy by Britney Spears?" I asked, quietly, to not disturb the "singer" on stage.
"Yep, sure do," He said, typing it into his computer.
I knodded my approval and sat next to the emcee, waiting for the "singer" to finish her song. As she murdered the last note, I stood up and grabbed the microphone. I cleared my throat and waited for the music to start. As the first sounds started, I closed my eyes, and began to sing:
"I'm sitting here alone up in my room. And thinking about the times . That we've been through (oh my love). I'm looking at a picture in my hand. Trying my best to understand. I really want to know . What we did wrong. With the love I felt so strong. If only you were here tonight. I know that we could make it right.
I don't know how to live without your love. I was born to make you happy. 'Cause you're the only one within my heart. I was born to make you happy. Always and forever you and me. That's the way our life should be. I don't know how to live without your love. I was born to make you happy..."
For the third time that night, the entire restaurant erupted into applause. I smiled, said thank you this time, and exited the stage. As the applause died down, I could hear the emcee start to speak.
"And that kid is here to stay ladies and gents. Meet our new Tuesday act....hey what's your name kid?"
"Ethan," I yelled
"Okay. Come check out Ethan on Tuesday. With his first full length show,"
That was when it occured to me. I was not prepared to start a show that soon. Did I know 10 songs well enough to sing without the words? Well I'm sure I did. But what songs? I couldn't flood my entire show with just Mariah Carey. I would definently have to spend the rest of my weekend trying to get my show together.
My thoughts once again drifted away from the table. There was alot of preparation that went into a show. Yeah, I would be singing to music coming from a the synthesizer, but when music means as much to you as it does to me; you tend to take things seriously. There were lots of things I had to plan for. What I would wear, how I'd do my hair, but most importantly what I would sing. I had to cut my evening short, and go home and start my planning.
"Ash, I'm gonna head home. I've got alot of planning for this show," I explained, snapping back to reality.
"Okay. If you need help planning, call me," She said, stirring around her soda with her straw.
"Okay," I said, standing up from the table.
"I'll walk you out," Doyle spoke, much to my surpise.
I looked at Doyle and flashed him a quick smile. My attention then flashed to Ashley. I smiled and glared at her. I knew she was definently up to something. Question was, was it something I would like?
I motioned for Doyle to follow and began to walk towards the door. I was hounded on my exit by people saying "Your amazing." "I can't wait to hear your show," Stuff like that. I just smiled, said thank you, and kept on walking. I had fans, already. That was definently something I could used to.
As Doyle and I entered the parking lot, nervousness hit me. Here I was, alone in a parking lot with this incredibly hot guy. And he had offered to walk me out. Would Ashley have told him of my feelings for him? That was a dumb question, of course she would. But she wouldn't have told him, if she didn't know he was gay, or at least bi. There as my one ray of hope. As I reached my car, I opened the door and got in. I started it up, then turned to look at Doyle. His body language was telling me nothing. Un-readable people angered me sometimes.
It was nice meeting you," I said, breaking the rather awkward silence.
"Same here," He agreed, no emotion in his voice.
He really was un-readable. I was hoping for at least hint of nervousness in his voice. But nothing. There was no way he was interested anyways. I reached out to grab the door, but he stopped me. I looked up at him questioningly.
"Umm," He stammered, a bit nervous. "Ashley said that maybe, umm, you'd like to go out sometime?"
The nervousness had completely enveloped his voice with the finish of his statement. I had to be dreaming now. Was every dream I had ever had going to come true tonight? And then boom, it started raining money. No, not really. I looked up at Doyle, and noticed him shuffling nervously, almost like a little kid who really needed to use the restroom. I stood up from my seat and took Doyle's hand in mine.
"I would absolutely love to," I said, beaming with happiness.
Oh Thank God," He said, exhaling a relieved sigh. "I was afraid you were going to say no. Ash has played jokes like that on me before," He explained.
"Say no? To you? Never. I've always been a sucker for green eyes," I returned, sitting back down.
He smiled his gorgeous smile and immediately melted my heart. I had to give him my phone number. But my car was seriously lacking in adequate writing material. That was when it hit me. I leaned over the passenger seat and dug in my glove compartment. I produced a demo cd I had made, and opened it up. I reached around to the backseat and grabbed my book bag. I ripped out a pencil, and quickly jotted my number down. I closed the CD and handed it to him.
"It's a demo CD," I explained, handing him the disk. "I wrote my number on the inside,"
"Okay, great," He said, an extremely happy tone in his voice. "I'll call you tomorrow, when's a good time?"
"I'll be there all day, gotta plan for this show," I replied, turning back normal in my seat.
"Great, talk to you tomorrow,"He said, shutting my door for me.
"Yeah, bye Doyle,"
I threw my car in reverse and backed out, waving to him as I did. He waved back to me, then walked back into the restaurant. I cranked the radio up and drove from the restaurant. As the warm Texas air blew on my face, all I could think of was Doyle. I couldn't believe how perfect this evening had been.
As excited as I was about Doyle, thoughts of my show began to take over my mind. I couldn't believe he had given me my own show, after hearing only two songs from me. What a magical place Jensen's had turned out to be. My life had never been better.
I couldn't sleep that night. I would drift off for about 20 minutes, then a song would pop into my head, or an idea on what to wear. I got sick of it eventually, and gave up all hope of sleeping. I picked up the clock from the table next to my bed a cringed, 3:30 am. Oh well, maybe if I stayed up longer, I would eventually fall asleep. I staggered from bed and walked over to my computer. I flicked it on, and in seconds it was booted, thanks to the new Pentium 200 Processor. I signed quickly onto the internet, and clicked on my Yahoo Messenger. As was no suprise for the weekends, Ashley was still awake. Before I had a chance, she sent me a private message.
YouWishYouHadThis: Up kinda late aint ya, Ethan?
PharohOfYourFantasies: I can't sleep, this stupid show has my brain frazzled.
YouWishYouHadThis: That and?
PharohOfYourFantasies: That and your incredibly sexy cousin
YouWishYouHadThis: LOL, when you going out with him?
PharohOfYourFantasies: Whenever he calls
YouWishYouHadThis: He'll call, he did nothing but talk about you after you left. He sooooo has a crush on you.
PharohOfYourFantasies: That's good, because I sooooo have one on him too.
YouWishYouHadThis: How cute, you two are gonna work together.
PharohOfYourFantasies: Damnit Ash, I had succsessfully not thought of that show for 5 minutes, then your brought it up.
YouWishYouHadThis: Sorry, you know what song you should do?
PharohOfYourFantasies: Wha?
YouWishYouHadThis: Irresistable
PharohOfYourFantasies: By Jessica, or that wanna be Aguilera?
YouWishYouHadThis: Duh Ethan, I hate Aguilera just as much as you.
PharohOfYourFantasies: Hmm, good idea. You think of anymore, email them to me, I'm gonna go scrounge through my jukebox looking for more. Night.
YouWishYouHadThis: Night
With that I disconncted myself from the internet, and opened up my music jukebox. Saying as every single song I ever liked was on here, I'm sure finding 12 songs would be no problem. Then I could burn them to cd, and my show would be set. And being the man of chance I am, I would let the song-shuffler pick them for me.
Click song 1. Alone In Love by Mariah Carey. 'Ooh, good choice' I said to myself
Click song 2. That's The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson. 'I woulda picked that anyways, regardless if you did or not' I said aloud, obviously speaking to the computer (it was 4 am, I'm sure you talk to stuff when your tired too)
Click song 3. I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys. 'Okay, might not have chose that, but I'll live.'
Click song 4. Please Remember Me by Tim McGraw. 'Good choice, it is Texas after all, have to have some country.'
Click song 5. I Still Believe by Mariah Carey. 'Would picked that one even if too.'
Click song 6. Hurt So Good by John Mellencamp. 'Good Karaoke song, it'll go good at Jensen's'
Click song 7. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. 'Yikes, I hope my voice is up to that one.'
Click song 8. Tu Solo Tu by Selena. 'Ooh, Spanish. Eh, it is Texas.'
Click song 9. Baby Come Over by Samantha Mumba. 'Hmm, we'll try that out for a few days, not sure how Jensen's will like it.'
Click song 10. Play by Jennifer Lopez. 'Hmm, we'll test that one out too.'
Click song 11. The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia by Reba McIntire. 'More country, good karaoke song, Jensen's should like it.'
11 songs picked by the luck of the draw. And add Irresistable into it, that makes 12. Couple more clicks of the mouse, and CD is burning. I let out a yawn then turned back towards my bed. I plopped down on it, and just stared out the window. The beautiful Texas sky was a blanket of stars. Off in the distance, I could see a star shining brighter than all the others. 'That one' I told myself. 'Is my lucky star. I said thank you to no one in particular, and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep, more happier than I had ever been before......
To be continued in Chapter 2