Sex takes the edge off of a big hurt. I am staggered by the news of this beautiful city dying. I thought a little memory of mine of a night in the Big Easy would be soothing. I mean no disrespect to the dead to conjure up the highly sexually-charged atmosphere that was the City That Care Forgot.
"Louisiana, Louisiana, they tryin' to wash us away, they tryin' to wash us away..." (Randy Newman)
The usual caveats apply. Don't read this if you're under age, even if you've been doing it for years.
Copyright A.J. Weiss, 2005
The last time I was in the Big Easy, I was staying in a room with a balcony at a charming little hotel on Prytania St. in the Garden District, west of the French Quarter. It was late on a hot humid evening with that slightly sweet, slightly fetid, slightly salty atmosphere that the city has that made you feel like moving real s-l-o-w-l-y and languorously. I'm short and handsome, of Hungarian extraction, with lots of humpy muscles and a round bubble butt that everybody always seems to want to fuck.
Dressed in my faded cut-offs, a flamingo muscle shirt and a pair of sandals after a night on the town, I walked around the corner to St. Charles to put a letter in the mailbox. Right behind the mailbox, up a few steps and set back a few yards, was a little bank building on an elevation and in the shadows. It looked ominous, but then so does everything else in N'awlins.
A streetcar came gliding by down the unpaved middle of St. Charles Avenue. By the bank, in the dark, I saw a night watchman in uniform, but with the sleeves rolled up to show off a bulging pair of biceps. He was about six feet tall and looked kind of like a latin/cracker mix, with that kind of pouty overripe masculinity that seems indigenous to southern Louisiana. He was busting out of his uniform pants, his glutes maximally stretching the fabric around two big melons resting on top of a pair of massive thighs. The mound at his crotch promised big things to come.
I lingered and he looked at me curiously. I licked my lips. We stared at each other for a few seconds. Far away, a muted horn was playing a lazy blues. His left hand drifted to his crotch and he traced the length of his dick with one finger and then made lazy circles around the cock head while he rubbed the thumb and the first two fingers of his upturned right hand together. Hot damn! The dude was hustling me.
Now, there's a kind of straight trade that'll do a homosex scene in exchange for a little gift, not a lot of money like a professional, but as a symbolic kind of gesture. I scoped out that that's what his game was and took a twenty out and wafted it back and forth in the night air. He motioned me up the steps and as I neared him, he led me to the back of the little building.
"Hey, little dude, you lookin' for some sugah?" he purrs to me, caressing my cheek.
I hand him the twenty, which he puts in his shirt pocket and then pulls me close and lays a honey kiss on my lips, tongue and all, while caressing up my ass. He finds my hole and starts pushing in through my shorts.
"You gonna give me some of that sweet pussy tonight?"
"Anything you want, baby," says I, falling to my knees.
Lewdly looking down at me with his bedroom eyes, he pulls down his zipper very slowly while sticking three fingers in my mouth with the other hand.
"Suck them like a dick, dahlin'" he coos to me, and I do exactly that. Up and down his fingers like it was the juiciest cock in the universe. "Oh yeah, you little cocksucker" he murmurs, pulling out seven inches of thick meat. "You want this?"
I nod, slurping on his fingers. He takes his hand out of my mouth and slaps me across the face just enough to sting but not really hurt me. "Then eat it, baby!"
I dive down on it as it stretches to its full ten-inch length, blowing it like there's no tomorrow, aware of the holstered pistol a few inches from my face.
"Oh, yeah, good boy...good boy" he grunts, pushing the back of my head so his cock goes down my throat. I'm in a little bit of heaven, down in New Orleans, with the precum-leaking mushroom head of a rent-a-cop in my gullet.
After a few minutes of this, I come up for air and took a good look at the hardest, most scrumptious dick in the world oozing its honey juice. Man, what good deed did I do to deserve this??
Back down on the dick of death. "Oh, baby!" he keeps saying, pushing me down and feeling his cock in my throat with his hand.
The night is quiet except for the sound of crickets. Strange bugs and other critters are crawling and flying around. A very light breeze smelling of gardenias wafts by. He gently lifts me up.
"Gotta fuck ya, honey, gotta fuck ya." Undoing my shorts he pulls them down and turns me around.
"Baby! Look at that ass on you!" he sighs, putting two fingers in my mouth to get them wet and then shoving them up my hole. "Sugah, you gonna get fucked, you gonna get fucked..." he burbles, poking around in my boy love cunt. Massaging inside my hole, he reaches around with his face and gives me another soul kiss. I melt into his mouth.
Taking his fingers out, he bends down behind me and starts licking at my asshole. His magic tongue goes in and out and up and down and side to side, setting my twatty tush to tingling. I don't believe I have a private dick munching on my butt. Licking lovingly on my asshole. Pausing for a moment, he murmurs "Man, I love to eat pussy!"
After a while, he stands up and slicks his dick with his precum, and poises it at my pulsating pucker. "Oh baby, I'm comin' in, I'm comin' in!" he says breathlessly, as the head of his cop meat punctures my hungry Hungarian sphincter. I'm so ready it doesn't hurt at all, it's all pleasure as the full length of his ten inches cruises down my inner highway. "You okay, honey?"
"Oh yeah, oh yeah," I whisper as he pumps all the way in and all the way out and plunges back in, sometimes bumping side to side like the fuck master he is. Oh yeah, here I am on St. Charles Avenue in the Big Easy, after midnight, getting pistoned by a big thick southern drooling private dick. Doesn't get any better than this.
But it does. He starts jacking me off, saying "Come for me, dahlin', I wanna feel your cunt muscles clampin' down on my dick." As his hand glides on my cock, nothing exists for me but my dick and his dick in my ass. Heaven opens and a shower of rose petals fall down around us. My come wells up from somewhere very, very deep and takes several centuries of bliss to travel through my electrified penis and start spurting out. As I ejaculate, my ass spasms and clutches around his dick like it's milking him.
"Argghhhh!" He comes and comes and comes and comes and comes. And then slumps over my back.
We stay like that for several minutes, and then he turns me around and plants another snog on my mouth.
"Sugah, " he says, "I shoulda paid you for that!"
"Tell you what," he says, "I'm gonna give you a special present. Take off all your clothes and lie on your back on the ground"
As I comply, he mutters "I usually charge fifty for this," and points his heavy flaccid cock at my face. I know what's coming and start jacking off. A stream of piss hits me square between the eyes, and then travels down to my mouth, lingers there while I drink a couple of gulps, and then he starts moving the flow, wetting down every part of my body. I'm dripping piss everywhere as I come again.
"You're a tourist, right?" he says while continuing to urinate on my prostrate body. I nod yes.
"Well, sugah, welcome to N'awlins!" he says, shaking the last drops on me as he gathers himself together and disappears around the corner of the building.
I get dressed and walk back through the embracing darkness to the hotel. It's called The Elysian Fields.
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