Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to real people or events is coincidental. It contains descriptions of sex between adult men. If this type of material offends you, or if you are forbidden by law to read it, please exit the story now. E-mail comments are gratefully accepted.
Metropolitan Romance-5
As I moved more and more of my things into Eric's - Our house, the relationship began to feel increasingly real. We were actually doing this. We quickly discovered the little things each of us did that annoyed the other. Eric was extremely neat and I was more of a slob. I worked at being tidier, but I also pushed him to be more spontaneous. We even went out to dinner one night before the evening "chores" were done. The order created by his routines was helpful, but there was a point at which having a time and place for everything was down right oppressive. The one distraction that always worked at getting him out of his routine was sex.
He was uncomfortable at first having sex any where but the bedroom. I set my mind to changing that pattern immediately. We soon learned though that our second favorite room in the house for amorous activities was the kitchen. There was a butcher-block covered island there that was used for things I suspect he never dreamed of doing in that room. The first week of course was almost like a honeymoon. Being with Eric and living with him seemed so natural. Each day I was convinced I couldn't love him more, and each new day brought a deepening of my appreciation for this incredible man. The euphoria was to be short-lived, as Friday finally arrived.
We had agreed with Jared that he would call us if that evening were going to work for coming out to his parents. He didn't want to officially ask for time for fear of giving something away prematurely. Around six-thirty, he called to say his parents were staying in for the night. We drove to their house holding hands, not so much out of affection, but out of the need to join forces for whatever was ahead of us. Carol answered the door and was surprised to see us. Paul came into the living room where we had stopped. I thought I could sense that he was not happy that we were there. Jared ambled in completing the cast of characters for the drama to unfold. I opened the conversation.
"Paul, Carol, we have something we want to tell you. I have moved in with Eric. We are officially a couple."
Carol beamed at the news. It looked as if our announcement answered the question of why we were there. Jared was noticeably nervous, but I'm not sure either of his parents was aware of it. Carol was gushing about our relationship and how "cute" we were together. Paul was very noncommittal in his reaction. Eric and Carol shared a few happy moments as she congratulated him on "getting his man." I decided it was time to pick up the gauntlet.
"I know that you were all aware that Eric was gay and I assumed, because of the church I serve, that you suspected I was as well. With this step, we pretty much admit it to the world. I hope that this won't be embarrassing to you or cause you any trouble."
"Of course not, Steve," Carol replied. "I hoped that the two of you would get together. I think that you will be very good for each other. I couldn't be more pleased."
"I am aware that not everyone understands why two men would want to live together as lovers," I added. "I appreciate your acceptance of our lifestyle."
As I made the last statement, I looked directly at Paul. For a moment, unguarded hatred flashed across his face. It was only a moment and then he regained his composure. I didn't want to look at Eric or Jared to see if they had noticed.
"Our father was truly one of those people," Carol responded. "Hate is an ugly thing," she said, almost as an afterthought.
I decided that the time wasn't going to get any better for the big announcement.
"Jared, how do you feel? Does that the fact that Eric and I are in a relationship bother you?"
Jared gazed at first me and then Eric. I sensed that he was drawing up his courage.
"Uncle Eric. Steve. I don't have any problem with the two of you being together," Jared stated with determination. Then he turned to his parents. "Mom. Dad. I don't have a problem with Eric and Steve because I also am gay."
Carol was stunned. I had hoped that this was a possibility she had considered. Mothers often have a sense about these things. It didn't appear that she had. Paul, on the other hand, was a bomb obviously on the verge of exploding. His face was crimson and his eyes were cold. Every muscle in his body was tensed. He moved toward Jared. Fearing what he might do, I stepped between them.
"Get out of my way, faggot. I'm going to take care of this once and for all," Paul ranted.
When I didn't move out of his way, he slugged me in the jaw, knocking me backwards. I hit my head on something sharp as I fell to the floor. I remember hearing Carol scream. The rest was a confusion of shouts and curses. Finally, I heard Carol speak with a voice that chilled me to the bone.
"Paul, go to the other room right now."
I couldn't see his response, but he eventually left the room. Attention was then turned to me. I could feel warmth on my face, which I discovered was blood when Eric cried out.
"Oh my God, Steve. Are you all right? You're bleeding."
Everything was in a daze, but I could hear Jared crying. I knew we needed to get him out of there fast. Despite my head warning me against it, I asked Eric to help me to my feet. He didn't want to do it, but something in my tone must have told him it was important. Carol had gone for a wet cloth for my head. She was crying as well.
"Eric. Jared," I said softly, wincing back the pain. "We need to leave. Jared, do you have your bag packed?"
"Yes, it's in the garage. I'll get it."
"Carol, I know this is a shock, but we need to get Jared out of hear before Paul changes his mind and comes back for him. He will be at our house, and we'll take good care of him."
She argued about the necessity of doing that, but agreed when we heard Paul slam a door somewhere in another room. We hastily made our way to the car. Jared was still sobbing. Eric was mumbling under his breath. They were both angry and hurt, and I wasn't sure what to say to either one of them. My head was really beginning to throb, but I hated to mention it for fear of setting off another round of sobs or curses. Being the martyr that I am, I suffered in silence, figuring that we could all use a little quite time on the way home before we had to address the bigger questions.
We arrived home and Eric attentively ushered me into the kitchen, Jared followed behind like a lost puppy. Head wounds tend to bleed profusely, and my shirt was soaked. Eric had determined in his quiet time in the car, that I needed to go to the emergency room. He was worried about a concussion or my needing stitches. I wasn't about to leave Jared alone, and he didn't need the circus of an emergency room. Pain or no pain, Jared needed some attention. When in doubt, I usually try humor.
"Well, Jared, that didn't go too badly."
Eric started to puff up like a self-inflating balloon until I shot him a warning look. Jared stared at me with disbelief and then I think he caught the gist of what I was doing.
"Just fucking fantastic."
So it wasn't much He was at least talking.
"Jared, we suspected it wasn't going to be easy. Your father has some serious issues here."
Eric had been silent up until now.
"That bastard isn't getting anywhere near either one of you again."
I wasn't sure how he planned to enforce this edict, but his feelings were clear. At that moment, Eric exchanged the bloody rag that I had been holding to my head with a clean, cold on. The cold made me shudder unexpectedly. That set Jared into another fit of crying.
"He hurt you. I can't believe he hurt you. Why didn't he go after me?"
"Because Superman here stepped in his way," Eric added sarcastically.
I understood that Eric didn't begrudge me protecting Jared, but that he was angry about the situation.
"Jared, your father was enraged and he was determined to hurt someone. It doesn't matter in the end which one of us he hit. I'll be all right. We have to go on from here."
Eric checked the new cloth on my head and discovered that I was still bleeding.
"We have got to have that checked. You may need stitches"
"I'll be all right," I tried to say with as much determination as possible.
"Damn, you are stubborn. I'm calling Loren."
I was astounded. I didn't know whether I was more surprised that he would call Loren or that he realized that he had that trump card to play. Within fifteen minutes both Loren and Larry arrived. Loren's face showed concern. Larry's face showed suspicion.
"Steve, who did this to you?"
"Larry, I fell and hit my head."
"Did you give yourself that swollen jaw as well," he asked with a glare.
"My father hit him," Jared interrupted.
I could tell this situation was getting out of hand quickly. The fierceness in Larry's expression told me you didn't want to mess with Larry when he was mad.
"Eric thinks I need to go to the emergency room, but he needs to stay with Jared."
"Larry and I will take you," Loren responded.
I suspect that Loren could read where Larry's mind was headed, and picked up on my diversionary tactics. Eric protested that he wanted to be with me, but he understood that someone Jared trusted needed to be with him. Also, since it accomplished his primary goal of getting me to the hospital, he acquiesced to Larry and Loren taking me. The ER was a zoo, of course, and the doctor was unconvinced about my story of hitting my head. He ended up putting in twenty- eight stitches. The gash ran from directly behind the temple on the right side of my head back to almost the crown. I honestly didn't know it was that bad a cut. He said to keep ice on the jaw for tonight. I figured the ride home would be interrogation time.
"So spill it, chief. What happened," Loren asked.
"Jared came out to his parents this evening. We were concerned that his father would be a problem. Eric and I were there for support, and to take him home with us if needed. His father started to go for Jared and I stepped between them. He hit me."
"My hero," Loren swooned.
Larry turned and grinned at Loren and then turned to me.
"You should press charges. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this."
"I don't want to complicate the situation any more than it already is. It's apt to be difficult for the family to reconcile without adding legal ramifications."
"Larry, he never gives up on the possibility of a happy ending," Loren added.
"If you report the incident, then there is a record of violence that could be important later on, if he does it again," Larry said calmly.
"I agree that makes sense, but it doesn't feel right here."
"Whatever you want to do, Steve," Larry conceded. "But if he does anything else, to anybody, I won't take no for an answer."
"I can accept that."
The rest of the ride home was quiet. Loren and Larry brought me into the house. We had been gone for over three hours. Jared was in bed, and Eric thought he might be asleep. The four of us discussed the events of the evening again. Eric was feeling justified that I had indeed needed to go to the hospital. His victory was ebbing though as I saw him relive the scene at the Langley household. Larry and Loren traded eye signals and excused themselves. My guess is that they figured we needed some private time.
"Steve, I'm so sorry this had to happen."
"Eric, it's not your fault. You didn't hit me."
"But you were defending my nephew from my brother-in- law."
"If we are in this together, then they need to become my family as well."
"Some family. It seems like I am always wrecking families."
I could see where this was headed. Insecurities often don't go away very far. We held each other and second- guessed what we could have done differently. The discussion shifted to what was likely to happen next. We affirmed that inheriting a teenager wasn't all that bad. So much for a honeymoon: we already had a six-foot baby boy. Finally, we went upstairs to bed. I had to stay awake for a certain length of time in case of a concussion, but we eventually drifted off to sleep.
The next morning I awoke with a jackhammer of a headache. Eric must have been listening for me to stir. He was there instantly with something for pain.
"Is Jared awake," I whispered as softly as possible.
"I don't know how well he slept, but he was asleep when I checked on him a little while ago.
I tried to get out of bed, but did it too quickly. Eric was there to catch me.
"Whoa, fella. You're going to have to take it easy today. Loren called and wondered about finding a sub for you tomorrow."
"I'll be able to preach. No bump on the head will keep me down."
"That's between you and Loren." He said with a grin.
"You're enjoying this new alliance, aren't you?"
"We both want what's best for you."
He kept the smug look on his face as he helped me downstairs and into the kitchen. He had already started breakfast.
"How do you think Jared is doing," I asked. "I really hated to leave last night. This must be awful for him."
"He didn't say much. I think he's as worried about you as anything."
"This bump on the head? I'm too hard-headed to let a little bump get the best of me."
"I think he feels guilty."
"There's no reason for him to feel guilty."
"I understand how he feels," Eric said sheepishly while he turned away to work on something on the stove.
"Eric, come here."
Reluctantly he came to me. I patted my leg and he sat in my lap.
"Tell me what's wrong, baby."
"We've been living together less than a week and my brother-in-law beats you up and sends you to the hospital."
"I'd stand in front of a Mack truck for you. Your brother- in-law's fist is an insignificant obstacle."
"But if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be hurt."
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be having hot sex in this very room."
"That's definitely a TMI," Jared interrupted as he walked into the room.
"Oh, you think we're too old to be having hot monkey sex in every room of the house."
Eric slugged my shoulder and got up to work at the stove. Jared blushed a bright red.
He was standing there in his boxer shorts. The kid was definitely a looker. With a body and a face like that, he wouldn't have any trouble hooking up with someone soon.
"So, did you have to have stitches," he asked, changing the subject.
"Yea, twenty-eight of them," I replied.
Immediately, his face clouded over. The light mood set by the humor was gone. I had considered not telling him how many stitches, but I knew he'd find out eventually. Besides, if Eric was right, we might as well deal with the guilt here and now.
"Jared, none of this is your fault. You didn't choose your parents. You didn't choose your sexuality. You didn't make your father into a raging homophobe."
"I know," he said unconvincingly.
On a whim, I patted my leg as I had done with Eric. Jared looked at me with surprise, but moved to me and sat in my lap. He was bigger than Eric, and it seemed a little awkward at first. He quickly snuggled in, though, and laid his head on my shoulder.
"You two guys are going to have to realize that I love you both. If I do something for either of you, it's because I want to do it. Accept it as a token of my feelings for you, OK?"
I had actually though he wouldn't sit on my lap for long. He showed no signs of moving, however. As Eric began setting breakfast on the table, I wondered if he was planning to eat this way.
"Why couldn't my dad be more like you," Jared whined.
"Somewhere in his life, he learned this behavior," I said softly in his ear.
All of a sudden, I discovered I was crying. Jared was alarmed at first, but I clung to him, not letting him go. As I held him, I began sobbing. Eric came over and started rubbing my shoulders.
"Jared, Steve lost two sons in a car wreck," Eric said as he started rubbing Jared's shoulder with one hand, the other still giving me attention.
The three of us stayed in that pose for what felt like a long time. Finally Eric broke the silence.
"Let's eat. We can't stay in the past. We have to move forward."
I do so love this man. We did eat breakfast with Jared in his own chair. But we had bonded, the three of us. I silently wished that Jared would be with us for a while, but I knew that was selfish. He needed to be reunited with his family if possible. He would at least need his mother, who had to be going through her own personal hell right now.
As if on cue, the phone rang. It was Carol. Jared took the phone from Eric, obviously not knowing what to expect. He was in tears again quickly, but it appeared the conversation was going well. He handed the phone back to Eric who said a few more things to his sister. To my surprise, Jared came back and sat on my lap. We held each other tightly as we both wept again, each with our own sense of grief.
I did stay home from church on Sunday. It seemed any movement brought on a major headache. Carol came over for dinner. Mother and son had a tearful reunion, but things went well unless Paul was mentioned. He was sleeping in the guest room. There had been no more violence, but I was still worried about Carol. She seemed to have the situation under control in any case. She and Paul were at a stalemate, though, about Jared. It was decided that it was best for him to stay with us for a while. We would go over during the day while Paul was at work to get more of Jared's personal items. It was as if we were settling in for a siege.
Monday morning included encouraging a teenager to get ready for school. Jared was definitely not a morning person. I imagine also that he was reluctant to go, even though there was no reason for anyone at school to be aware of his situation. My head was still sore, but passable. Loren balked at my need to be at the office, but we quickly settled into our regular routine. About mid-morning, Loren buzzed me to say that Mrs. Carlisle wanted a few minutes of my time.
"Thank you for seeing me, Rev. Williams."
"Have a seat, Beverly," I said, noticing that she was dressed nicer that I had seen her previously. "What can I do for you?"
"I wanted to thank you for visiting Bob."
"It was no problem."
"I went by to see him this weekend. It's the first time."
"How did it go?"
"It went surprisingly well. He sent me a letter this week. It sounded like the man I married. I had to see him."
When in doubt as to what to say, I said nothing. She picked the dialogue up again.
"He appears to be truly sorry for what he did: to Brad as well as you."
"Did you feel he was sincere?"
"Yes, I did. Maybe it's a wife's wishful thinking, but I did believe him."
"What about Brad?"
"He refused to read the letter. I though it best not to force the issue. He's been going to that counselor he met at the church meeting. Bob said he saw a counselor of some kind, too."
"They have people who volunteer at the jail to do that."
"You told me not to give up hope. Am I being unrealistic to hope that happiness is still possible for my family?"
"Remember that there are a lot of obstacles yet to be met, but there is also no reason to give up on hope."
"Brad and I are coming to church next Sunday. Some of the youth in the group invited him."
"He needs peers to help him through this adjustment."
"Thank you again Rev. Williams for all you have done."
As she rose to leave, she held my hand between both of hers and smiled a sad smile.
After she left the office, Loren came in and shut the door.
"Steve, I need to talk with you."
"Have a seat Loren. What's on your mind?"
"It's Larry."
"Is something wrong?"
"We were eating at Antonio's when some officers he knew came up to us. Larry says they are jerks and it doesn't matter, but they were giving him a hard time for being with me. You know I don't want his career to suffer because of me."
"I think Larry needs to have some say on that issue."
"Larry said to forget it. I guess I would have felt better about it if we had fought over it. It's like he dismissed the subject. I know it bothers him."
"Do you think he was embarrassed," I asked.
"I'm sure he was embarrassed, I just don't know if he was embarrassed about being with me."
"Is this the first time you two have been seen together by his fellow officers?"
"Yes."
"As much as a person can prepare for something like that, it was probably more difficult that he anticipated."
"Oh Steve, I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to forget me and move on with his life, but I love him - I love him."
Loren started to cry, so I moved closer so that we could hold each other. I had no answers, especially only knowing one side of the story. Loren had become very vulnerable in loving Larry. I wanted to be protective. Yet, I couldn't always interfere in their relationship every time there was a problem. A knock at the door brought us back to the present.
"Come in," I said loudly as Loren and I straightened ourselves up a bit.
"Is Loren in here with you," Larry asked as he stuck his head in the door.
It was probably obvious that we had been crying. Larry walked directly to Loren and knelt.
"Loren, baby, forgive me, please."
"What do I need to forgive you for," Loren questioned.
"I - ah, how do I say this?"
"Why don't I let the two of you have some privacy," I offered.
"No. Stay, please, Steve," Loren pleaded.
"Yes, Steve. Please stay. I've really screwed up and I need all the help I can get to get myself out of this one."
"OK," I conceded as I sat down again.
"At the station today, the two jerks from the restaurant were pulling my chain pretty bad. Karen asked me what was going on. You remember me talking about Karen don't you babe," he posed to Loren.
Loren responded with a nod.
"I told Karen about the restaurant. She asked me if what the guys were saying was true. I said, `what did it matter.' She said it mattered because if she had been you, and we were important to each other, then she would have been deeply hurt. I didn't think about what you were feeling. I was only thinking about myself."
Larry was scanning Loren's face for any signal that he was saying the right things. I didn't see any signal, I don't know about him.
"I told Karen that you were the most important person in my life. She asked if you were more important than my career on the force. I didn't even have to think twice on that one. Loren, baby, you are more important than anything in my life."
Now there were signal going off like fireworks. Loren was torn between elation and concern. Elation won the day.
"Oh Larry, are you sure? I don't want to be responsible for you losing you job."
"They wouldn't dare fire me. Some of the guys may try to get under my skin, but to hell with them. I can take anything they can dish out."
Loren was now climbing all over his body, knocking him to the floor, covering him with kisses.
"Uh, I'm here, remember," I squeaked. "I either need to leave or get my video camera."
Loren turned and gave me a knowing grin.
"I'm going to make some hospital calls," I said as I hastily gathered a few things. "I'll lock the outer office door."
Larry was moaning before I could shut the outer door. I took that as an affirmative that Loren forgave him. All of a sudden, I didn't really want to go to the hospital. It was nearly three o'clock. Eric would be home in an hour. I decided to go there instead.
When I arrived home, Jared was already there. Oops, forgot about that. Maybe having Jared around wasn't always convenient, but my libido could wait. We started talking. School hadn't been too bad. Nobody knew anything was different, except Jared that is.
"What about that guy you kind of liked," I asked, hoping I wasn't pushing too much.
"Nick?"
"You never told me his name, just that he's smart and good looking."
Jared blushed but grinned at me. That grin was infectious. If he aimed that at Nick, oh my. We talked about relationships and how you know when someone is special. I discovered I truly enjoyed talking with Jared. The time passed quickly and soon, Eric was home. He broke out in a big smile when he walked in the door. It felt like a family with the three of us together. I realized that I was thinking that Paul didn't deserve a son like Jared. Here sat a tremendous young man, and Paul was willing to throw him out with the garbage. A father who couldn't accept his son because of something over which his son had no control, wasn't fit to be a father. Paul Langley was a disgrace to fathers everywhere.
All of a sudden, I noticed Eric looking at me oddly. I hadn't recognized how angry I had become. Fortunately, Jared didn't catch it, but Eric did. When Jared left to go to his room, Eric came and sat sown beside me.
"This isn't turning out to be too much is it? Having a teenager around, I mean."
"It's ironic, because I was thinking what a terrific young man he is. Then I started focusing on the fact that Paul doesn't deserve a son like Jared."
By now I was starting to shake. Eric wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. I dissolved into his arms. He was being so patient with my grief.
"I don't want to break down every time I think about a teenage boy. You'll get tired of having to comfort me."
"That's where you are wrong. I sometimes struggle with what I can do for you. You do so much for me and for others. It makes me feel needed when you want me to hold you until the pain lets up a little."
"I do need you, Eric."
"And I'll always be here for you."
Neither of us saw Jared quietly walking back toward his room, praying that someday his time would come.
Carol came over the next evening. She had easily accepted her son's sexuality once she got past the surprise. She chided herself for not being more observant. She did concede that she had hoped for grandchildren, but that was her dream, not Jared's. But for all the love and acceptance between mother and son, they were still separated. The situation was rocky at home. Paul was hardly speaking. Carol was determined not to budge an inch. Nothing short of complete acceptance of Jared would suffice.
A friend of Paul's from work had called her because he knew something must be wrong. Carol didn't give any details, but did confirm that there was a major family problem. The friend shared that Paul was morose and irritable around the office and coworkers were beginning to lose patience with him.
I suggested to Carol that if the friend called again to encourage him to talk with Paul. Sometimes expressing our thoughts out loud gives us perspective. I wasn't hopeful that Paul would see the error of his ways, but there was always a chance. I confessed to myself that I wasn't sure I wanted Paul to shape up and work at reconciliation. It was selfish of me, but I was already imagining Jared being around for a long time. I told myself I wasn't doing anything wrong. I believed that I had Jared's best interests at heart. I had to believe that.
By the weekend, our household had settled back into a routine, albeit a different one. Jared was once again the upbeat young man he had been before the ordeal with his father. The grin that I had come to love was more prevalent. He had a long talk with Nick. It seems Nick could tell something was wrong and asked Jared about it. Jared told him the whole story, including the reason for the fight. Nick confirmed that he was gay, also. He told Jared his parents had struggled, at first, but hadn't gone off the deep end like Paul. They were "cool" with it now. The two had planned a movie night for Saturday. It was cute watching Jared nervously prepare for his "date." Eric and I razzed him a bit, but finally told him that he looked great.
Nick picked him up. They came in for the obligatory introductions before heading out for their evening. When Nick brought him home, we couldn't help but peak out the window as they stayed in the car for a long time. We rushed up to our bedroom when he started for the porch. We didn't want him to think we had waited up for him. He came into our bedroom, though, and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Well, Jared, did you have a good time," Eric asked as we both tried to keep from snickering.
"Yeah, I had a great time. Nick is so cool. The movie wasn't that good, so we made fun of it all through the show. An usher actually told us to keep it down. That made everything even funnier. The people around us were glaring, but we couldn't help it."
"It sounds like the two of you get along together well," I stated.
"Oh yeah. It's like he already understands me. He's so easy to talk to."
"We're glad you had a good time, Jared," Eric added.
"Thanks you guys, for everything."
Before leaving, he gave us both a big hug. Afterwards, Eric and I held each other. We were each in deep in our own thoughts. Eric broke the quietness.
"We could be foster parents for teenage gays."
"Where brought on that idea," I asked.
"I was thinking how much we will miss Jared when he goes back home."
"Oh, yeah," I said dejectedly.
"Think of the good we could do."
"Would you be interested in something like that?"
"I would if you would," he said, as he looked me straight in the eye.
"I wouldn't want you to do it just for me."
"What if I want to do it with you."
"I could handle that."
"But can you handle this," he chuckled, taking my hand and placing it between his legs.
Needles to say, the conversation came to a halt. His spontaneity was definitely improving. We ended up handling each other quite nicely. Before falling off to sleep, the vision of teenage boys running through the house brought a smile and a tear.
The next week went by quickly. Once again, I found myself at the church on a Friday, which was supposed to be a day off for me. I was trying to catch up on some correspondence and do some paperwork that I always managed set aside for later. I promised myself I would go home at noon. I was preparing to leave when Loren came into my office and shut the door. I had come to realize that this was a bad omen, so I braced myself.
"Steve, there's someone to see you," Loren said cautiously.
"Well, who is it, Loren"
"It's Paul Langley."
We both stared at each other for a few moments. We were both remembering another visitor several months ago. This man had an even more personal grudge. Where was Larry when you needed him? What do they say about finding a cop? Suddenly Loren and I felt very vulnerable.
"What would Larry want us to do," I asked.
"He said to come in here and lock the door. He's on his way."
"You called him?"
"You bet your ass I called him. That man scares me to death."
"Is Charlie still here?"
"Yes, I think he's cleaning the kitchen. Why," Loren queried.
"Buzz him and ask him to come to the office."
Charlie was the custodian. He was gentle as a lamb, but he was built like an ox. Maybe Paul wouldn't know that he was a teddy bear. Charlie responded, and we made up an assignment to keep him in the office. I decided I had been hiding long enough.
"Loren, ask Paul to come in, please."
Loren gave me a suspicious glare, but acquiesced. The door was left open and I conceded that measure of protection. Paul came in and sat in one of the armchairs by the desk. He didn't look aggressive.
"Rev. Williams, thank you for seeing me. I had to do something. I was at work, but I wasn't worth a plugged nickel. I knew I needed to talk to someone, and you were the only person that came to mind."
"Frankly, Paul, I am surprised. After the incident at your house I would have thought that I would be the last person you would want to see."
"That's the point. The `incident,' as you politely call it, has ruined my life. I don't know how to try and save it."
"Tell me what's been happening since that night."
"As I'm sure you know, Carol is furious with me. She hasn't spoken more than two words to me. I offered to stay in a motel, but she said not to waste the money. I'm sleeping in the guest room."
Paul was obviously shaken. Being a little cynical, I couldn't help thinking that this could be an act. He sounded sincere, but I was going to hold out on the verdict for a while.
"Things got worse when I went to work. There's a guy at the office, his name is Kevin, and he and I are friends. We don't do anything outside of work, but we have a good time telling jokes and such. We hadn't ever discussed anything serious before. He could tell something was wrong and asked me if there was a problem. I told him about what had happened, and how my son was a - faggot."
"Paul," I interrupted, "if you want to have a constructive conversation, I insist that you not use that word or any other derogatory phrases."
"Oh - sure. I'm sorry. It is what I said, however. Kevin just walked off. Well, that pissed me off, so I followed him. We had a confrontation in his office. Finally, he told me to get out because he was gay, too."
"I take it you didn't ever suspect that before?"
"No. It never occurred to me."
I could literally see him swallow what he wanted to say next. I'm sure it was something like `he looked so normal.'
"Then what happened," I asked.
"I guess we had made a lot of noise. As I was storming off, I ran into the boss. He wanted to know what the problem was. I told him in a little less graphic terms. He then read me the riot act. It seems his grandson is gay. It was like everywhere I turned, I ended up making matters worse."
"What did your boss say?"
"Well, he didn't fire me, but he did say he wouldn't tolerate any gay bashing around the office. Hell, even if he doesn't can me, my stock around that place couldn't get much lower."
"What is it you want to save, Paul?"
"I want my family back. I want things back the way they were."
"Do you want your son back or the boy you thought he was?"
"I want Jared back. I want Carol speaking to me again."
"What about his sexuality?"
"I can't say I understand it. It doesn't seem natural. But I don't want to lose my son. After Jared was born, the doctor told us we couldn't have any more children. That never mattered before. We had Jared."
"Then can you explain your reaction?"
"No."
What his answer lacked in completeness it made up for in honesty. This man was truly confused. I wanted to say something like `what did you expect, numb nuts.' My well- used prescription for moments like these is to say nothing.
"I know I'm not making a lot of sense," he offered, breaking the silence.
"Nothing about the situation makes much sense."
"I know I've screwed up big time. Is there anything I can do, or am I too late?"
"Paul, you say you want your family back. What do you think it will take?"
"I know I have to apologize, to a lot of people now."
"Apologies are important, but they won't go very far in this case," I added.
"I need to find a way to accept my son," he continued tentatively.
"Do you have any thoughts about how to do that," I asked.
"I don't know where to start," he confessed.
"OK, Paul, here's the deal. I'm going to give you a few suggestions. You can take them or leave them, but they are not up for negotiation."
"I can live with that."
"First of all, you need to learn more about sexuality and preferences, and I mean from objective sources. You also need to become acquainted with what your son is feeling, and understand it from his perspective. I have some pamphlets with some information, but they also refer to some websites for further reading. You must look at this information with an open mind, or it won't do you any good. Second, you need to meet with a group of family members who are also going through problems such as yours. We have a group that meets here at the church on Monday nights at seven o'clock."
"I can do that," he muttered.
"Furthermore, you need an ally, someone to help you catch yourself when you slip into old patterns."
"That can't be you?"
"No. For one it needs to be someone who is around you often. But more importantly, I can't be that person because of my commitments to Jared and Eric."
"I see your point. How am I going to find this person, then?"
"What about your friend at work," I suggested.
"You mean Kevin," he asked incredulously.
"I think it's worth a try."
"He's probably not speaking to me."
"Lots of people aren't speaking to you."
I knew when I said it that it was cruel, but it was the truth.
"What do I say to him," he asked.
"You mentioned apologies. He would be a good person as a start. The stakes aren't as high as with some of the family. Tell him you want and need his help. If you're sincere, he might give you a chance."
"What if he says no?"
"They next person to try is Carol."
"Oh my God," he exclaimed.
"You need to face her soon anyway."
He was grimly becoming aware of the challenge ahead of him. We discussed some more possibilities, and then he acknowledged that he needed to be back at work. As he was leaving, he turned back to face me.
"Why are you helping me?"
"I believe in a God of second chances. My role model was always giving second chances to people society had dismissed. It's not my place to judge whether or not you deserve another try at being a good father."
He nodded and turned to leave. The small outer office was full to capacity. Larry had arrived as promised. He glared menacingly at Paul, but let him pass. Charlie was standing around the office looking out of place. Loren was hovering around the desk. The atmosphere was frigid. I knew once Paul cleared the door, all hell would break loose. Larry was the first to explode.
"What the hell is he doing here?"
"Larry, it's my job. He came to me. I couldn't turn him away, could I?"
"I'm glad it's your job and not mine. If he came to me, I would have decked the mother-fu."
Loren's hand gently took Larry's arm and he stopped in mid-sentence. I was impressed with the teamwork. Loren knew when and how to calm the tiger when he fought to escape his cage.
"How are you planning to explain this to Eric," Loren asked.
"Wearing full boy armor I imagine," I replied.
We discussed further the idiocy of my actions, and once they were sure I was crazy, they decided I wasn't likely to change. They left for lunch and I went home to prepare my explanation to Eric. He wasn't going to be happy. I had given up on any good plan and was reading when first Jared and then Eric arrived at home. Jared was bouncing around bubbling on about another evening with Nick. While he was in the shower, I decided the time wouldn't get any better.
"Eric, I have something to tell you that you're not going to want to hear."
"What have you done now?"
"I went to the office for a short time this morning. While I was there I had a visitor."
He scanned my face for a clue. I didn't know what he finally saw, but a wave of recognition spread across his face.
"It was Paul, wasn't it?"
I nodded and tried to look apologetic.
"What happened? Did he do anything rash? Did you call the police? Dammit, Steve."
"He didn't do anything but talk. Loren called Larry who was there in a flash. We also had Charlie come to the office for effect."
"Charlie wouldn't hurt a flea," Eric sputtered.
"No, but Paul didn't know that."
"Why did he come, to take another shot at you?"
"He just wanted to talk," I responded.
I knew there was still trouble lurking in this conversation.
"What did he want to talk about with you?"
"It appears that things have fallen apart at work as well. He was desperate to get his life back on track."
I had finally let the cat out of the bag. Eric stared at me in disbelief. I realized that he was trying to temper the full extent of his anger. If his face was an indication, it didn't look like he was winning the battle. When in doubt, that's right, say nothing. Finally Eric was able to speak.
"He had the audacity to come to you for help," Eric asked incredulously.
Again, I nodded.
"But what's really going to make me angry is that you helped him, isn't it?"
"Eric, I know it's difficult to understand, but it's what I do. You teach. I do this."
"You couldn't kick his ass out the door and tell him to find some other sucker to listen to his bullshit?"
I caught on that the question was primarily rhetorical, so I didn't reply. I silently wondered if Eric's earlier reservations about being involved with a minister were coming back to haunt him in ways he could never have imagined.
"What did you tell him?"
"I gave him some information and some resources to learn about his son. I also suggested he come to the PFLAG meeting," I said hesitantly.
"Did it ever occur to you that you may have given him instructions on how to pull the wool over everyone's eyes," Eric asked resignedly.
"No, that didn't occur to me. I don't think he'll be able to fake it now that they're on to him."
"I hope you're right."
"Are you angry with me," I asked tentatively.
"No. I'm not angry with you. I actually figured you would do something like this. I didn't think it would be this soon, though."
"Eric, I know that this whole situation is very upsetting, and I'm sorry if I have added to your pain."
"You haven't. It simply feels as if I was seventeen again all over. My father has been replaced with my brother-in- law. He'll try to come between Carol and me just like dad did."
"Carol will never abandon you. She's devoted to you, Eric."
"I know. But there's a big difference between a father whose house she was going to leave anyhow, and the man with whom she planned to spend the rest of her life."
I took Eric in my arms and we held each other so tightly it started to hurt. Neither one of us, however, was willing to let go of the death grip we had on one another. It's so tragic, because life is difficult enough on it's own without having to suffer because of someone's stupidity. I was aware that I was being idealistic, but I had to hope that Paul would be able to make a real reconciliation.
The weekend was the usual blur. Jared continued to be ecstatic with his new boyfriend. Carol came over for dinner again on Sunday. She said that Paul was spending a lot of time on the computer. I chose not to tell her of Paul's visit to my office. I didn't want to raise her hopes unrealistically. Eric's explanation that Paul was merely looking for the information for a new scam continued to trouble me.
Monday night arrived and I made it a point to be at the PFLAG meeting. Paul was there right on time. He gave me a knowing look. I decided that the best thing to do was not to mention our connection to anyone, but to let him determine if he wanted to share that information. After introductions were made, I excused myself from the meeting, and went to check on the youth. Jared had started meeting with the group last week, but we made sure that he had other plans to avoid any possible contact between he and his dad at this point. Brad Carlisle was still attending. That was good news.
The next day, I received a call from a Kevin Thompson. The name didn't ring a bell, but it wasn't unusual to get calls from people I didn't know. I went on immediate alert, however, when he identified himself as a friend of Paul Langley. I did remember that Paul had said his friend at work was named Kevin.
"What can I do for you, Kevin?"
"Paul came in to talk to me today. It was very strange. He did say he had talked with you and that you knew what all was happening in his life," he posed more as a question than a statement.
"I am familiar with Mr. Langley's situation. Any conversation with him would be confidential, of course. How may I help you?"
"Would our conversation be confidential as well," he asked.
"Yes it would. I do try to avoid triangulation, though, by that I mean getting in the middle between two people."
"I can appreciate that. Let me try asking what I want to ask, and if it's inappropriate, then simply say so. Will that work?"
"Let's give it a try."
"Paul said he told you about our argument and what it was about, so you know that I am gay."
"Yes, he did tell me that," I replied.
"Today, he came into my office and apologized. He said he had been doing a lot of reading, and he asked me if I would be willing to help him understand."
"What did you say?"
"I told him I would. I really value Paul's friendship. I'm assuming this change of heart came from his conversation with you."
"We can never completely understand what drives people to do what they do."
"It's just that is seems like such a radical turn around in a short time."
"What does that mean to you," I asked.
"I guess I have to wonder if it's genuine."
"But are you saying that you're still willing to help?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe we have to be totally convinced of someone's sincerity to be able to offer our support."
"So it would be OK to help and still keep my eyes open, in case it's some sort of act."
"In my line of work, I give support to a lot of people. It doesn't mean I have to be gullible to do it."
"Thank you. This has been very helpful," he said with a sense of relief.
"You're welcome. And good luck."
I wasn't sure how to interpret what I had heard. Paul was obviously doing everything I had suggested. The question was still his motivation. I couldn't ignore an ominous feeling about the whole situation, though. I was too deeply involved to be objective, so I guess I would have to go with the flow.
I decided to go home a little early. If the truth were known, I liked being there when Jared came home. Home? I wasn't even used to calling Eric's house my home. There was no way Jared could feel that way. But that's where we were, when Jared asked to talk to me. The serious look on his face caught my attention immediately.
"Steve, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Jared. Ask anything you want."
We were sitting at the kitchen table and he continued to play with a placemat.
"This is kind of awkward, but I don't know who else to ask."
"It's all right, take all the time you need."
"I wanted to ask you about sex."
Oh. I thought it was going to be something about his dad. What exactly was my role here? Was I a pastor, or a parental figure, or a friend?
"I'll try to answer any question I can."
"I've never done anything before, not with another guy."
"If you're comfortable telling me, what kind of experience do you have."
"With girls, all I've done is kissing. I've known I was gay for a long time, but because of my father's attitude, I tried to change. I couldn't go any farther than kissing, though. It didn't feel right somehow."
"Can I assume you are asking because of Nick?"
"We haven't done anything, yet."
I took the `yet' to be significant.
"But you want to, don't you?"
"He's been real nice to me. He hasn't put any pressure on me. But I know he wants to."
"What exactly is your question, Jared?"
"I don't really know what to do. I've read some stories on the Internet, but I don't know if they are realistic or not."
"There's probably some accuracy in those stories, maybe exaggerated a little. Don't set your expectations on what you read, though. Everybody is unique and every couple is different. What's important is what works for you. They say golf and sex are the two things you don't have to be good at to enjoy. You don't have to measure what you want by anyone else's standards."
"You're not telling me to abstain."
"I'm telling you to be careful, and of course never do anything that's not safe. You know what that means don't you?"
"Yes. I understand safe sex. They make sure of that in sex ed."
"Well, they're right and it's serious business."
"Are you saying it's all right for me to have sex?"
"Jared, it's not my place to make that decision. I know that there's no way to talk to your parents at this time. Most guys your age wouldn't talk with parents anyway. For what it's worth, I believe that you are mature enough to make those decisions."
"So the responsibility is on me?"
"Ultimately, that's where it has to be. I will advise you to not do anything you don't want to do. There's nothing wrong in going slow. That way nobody gets coerced into a situation they will later regret."
"If it feels good, do it," he asked with that ornery grin.
"That was the slogan of my generation. You have to chart your own path, Jared. Your uncle and I will support you in any way we can, including answering question."
"What questions are we answering," Eric interrupted as he entered the kitchen.
"We were just talking about sex, Uncle Eric," Jared said with a devilish glint in his eye.
"Oh, is that all," Eric chuckled. "And here I thought you two were having a serious discussion."
The three of us continued to make jokes until the puns got so bad we had to call a truce. It was moments like these that you would like to extend forever. Whatever was to come, we would at least have the memories of good time like this. Jared's life was a roller coaster at this point. From being virtually thrown out of his house to finding his first boyfriend and most likely exploring his sexuality. His coming out had dramatically changed his life. Whatever happened now, there was no turning back at this point. I both envied him and feared for him, but most importantly I vowed that Eric and I would be there for him when he needed us.
Comments are appreciated. bccccand@netscape.net