Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to real people or events is coincidental. It contains descriptions of sex between adult men. If this type of material offends you, or if you are forbidden by law to read it, please exit the story now. E-mail comments are gratefully accepted.
It's been a while since the last chapter. The past few weeks have been difficult ones as I'm fighting depression. I considered just quitting the story, but somehow it drew me back. If the quality of the writing is going down hill, though, let me know and I will stop. Thanks for your support.
Metropolitan Romance-7
By the next morning, I still felt shell-shocked. Eric and I had held each other through most of the night. It seemed difficult for him to leave for school. I knew I would have liked to spend more time with him. Nothing felt completely resolved somehow. I went in to the office, but more from a lack of anything else to do. Loren had become so adept at reading me that there wasn't any need to rehash what had happened last night. My car had been in the driveway this morning as if I had driven it home. Loren brought me a cup of hot chocolate and smiled knowingly at me. I was almost overwhelmed by the dependence on Loren that I was developing. It was amazing how quickly these people were becoming so important in my life. It wasn't always clear who was ministering to whom.
My dazed brain was awakened by Loren announcing that I had a phone call.
"This is Steve Williams."
"Steve, this is Tom Baxter."
"Hello, Tom. What can I do for you?"
"I talked with Paul this morning. I asked him about the canoe trip. I'm desperately hoping for some kind of positive experience for my grandson. But Paul said something rather strange."
"What was that," I asked.
"He said he didn't think you would want him to go on the canoe trip now. When I asked him why, he said he didn't want to talk about it. I don't want to interfere, but I need some guidance here. I'm still willing to help with the expenses."
"Tom, I appreciate your help. The funds will allow us to offer this trip to some boys who wouldn't be able to afford what the trip would normally cost. I'm afraid I can't say much about Paul's comment, but we are still planning the trip and the staff has not been completely decided."
"That's good to know, Steve. Is there anything else I can do?"
"Not that I know of Tom. I truly am grateful for this contribution. Did you receive the information I sent you about the canoe trip?"
"Yes, and my grandson is excited about participating," he replied.
"Good. Have him fill out the form I sent you. We will need releases and medical information, but he ought to be set to go."
"Thanks, Steve. And on the other subject, I hope everything works out for what ever the problem is with Paul," he said.
"Thank you, Tom."
Would I ever figure out Paul Langley? I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next. I felt immobilized by my feelings. I'm convinced I didn't get anything accomplished for the rest of the day. Finally, I decided I might as well go home. It seemed as if I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with anything. I simply wanted to be held, but I wasn't convinced Eric and I were back to that place with each other yet.
When I drove up in the driveway, I noticed Jared's blue Toyota pickup. My heart raced as I contemplated why he was here. I truly had become very attached to that young man. I had to consider that he might be coming by to say that because of the situation at home he would need to stay away for a while. As I opened the door, I took in a deep breath and stepped into the entryway. Jared was sitting in the living room looking handsome as ever in his tight blue jeans and Abercrombie t-shirt. He seemed nervous, which I took as a bad sign.
"Hi, Jared. Good to see you."
"Hi, Steve. I hope you don't mind that I stopped by. I needed to talk to you," he said, barely making eye contact.
"Sure, Jared. Sit down. What's on your mind," I asked as we each took a chair in our own perspective corners.
"I hadn't talked with you since the other night, when, you know," he trailed off meekly.
"That was a pretty dramatic scene that night. I've been concerned about you. Is everything going all right?"
"It's a little strange at home. It's like everyone is walking on eggshells. My dad is really trying though. He sounds like he accepts me."
"Jared, my father died when I was young and I always wished for another chance with him. I hope things work out for you and your dad."
"He said some mean things about you that night. I was standing by the door for some time. I almost walked out until I heard him say he would fight for me."
"I wondered how much you had heard."
"You must hate my father," Jared whispered.
"No, Jared. I don't hate your father. I'm not sure I understand him, but I don't hate him."
"Even after the awful things he said about you," he asked.
"No," I replied. "Does your father know how much you heard?"
He shook his head and looked at his hands that were folded in his lap.
"Jared, I know this is a difficult time for you."
"You're so much easier to talk to than my father," Jared said almost crying.
"It's not unusual for fathers and sons to have difficulty sharing their feelings. It wasn't that easy with my own sons," I stated, holding back the emotion that threatened to surface.
"Am I going to lose you if I try to start over again with my father?"
Perhaps this was the question he had come here to ask.
"There is no reason for you and I not to have a relationship. I hope to be with your uncle Eric for a long time and that makes us family too."
Jared sprang out of his chair and ran into my arms as I stood to embrace him. As he began to sob, I held him as tightly as I could. For all I knew I was cracking his ribs, but he didn't complain. I realized as my own tears fell how much I had feared losing this young man whom I had come to love. As we began to regain our composure, I realized we were not alone. Eric was standing in the doorway. As I caught his eye, he smiled and walked toward us.
"How are my two favorite men doing," Eric said as he put his arms around both of us.
Jared looked at him and returned his smile. The three of stood there together, none of us wanting to break the moment. Finally Jared spoke.
"Thank you Steve. Thank you uncle Eric. Thank you for everything you have done. I don't know how I would have made it through the last several weeks without the two of you."
"We're here for you, bud," Eric said. "You know that."
"Is there anything we can do to help at this point, Jared," I asked.
"Well," he paused. "I kind of hated to ask. You've done so much for me already."
"You can go ahead and ask," I reassured. "There might be something we couldn't do, but we'll certainly do all we can."
"I know it may be early," he resumed. "But I was hoping eventually we could get the whole family back together again."
The look on his face showed that he understood the magnitude of his request. Eric's expression spoke a great deal of his reluctance on this issue as well.
"We're only part of that equation, Jared," I said, stalling for time.
"I know mom and dad want you to come back. They've said they understand how much I miss both of you," he said so expectantly.
I knew I had pushed Eric a lot recently. This was going to be one decision where his timing was sacred. This was his family and I had already been a big part of stirring things into a tempest as it was.
"We'll have to see, Jared," Eric answered. "We can't make any promises. Maybe everybody needs some space for a while."
Jared tried to cover the disappointment that flashed across his face anyway. Eric noticed it, but I kept quiet. I gave Jared another smile, hoping to encourage him a little. Jared then said he needed to get home. His parents didn't know he was stopping by, so he didn't want them to worry. Eric gave him a parting promise to consider what he had asked. Again it was just the two of us.
"I heard you tell Jared that you wanted to be with me for a long time. Did you mean it," Eric asked.
"I meant every word. Eric Andrews, I'm in this for the long haul if you'll have me."
His response was to take me in his arms and place his lips against mine. Soon we were passionately trying to climb into each other's skin. Clothes were quickly discarded. I certainly hoped Jared had shut the door. As I laid on my back on the couch with Eric over me, I realized it had been some time since we had been amorous in the middle of the day. Eric often let me take the lead in deciding what we would do, but now he was taking charge. He needed to be inside of me and I wanted him there. It felt tremendous being taken by this man.
Afterwards, we both lay on the couch that wasn't quite big enough for the two of us like this. Neither one of wanted to move, though. I think we could have stayed that way all evening, but the phone rang. I was tempted to let it ring, but that was something that was difficult for Eric to do.
While he talked with someone obviously from school, I decided to start dinner. Neither one of had gotten dressed yet. It was almost unthinkable for Eric to walk around the house naked. But there he was wearing nothing but a smile. This could definitely turn out to be a fun evening.
The next day was Saturday, and Eric and I were being lazy, lying in bed, recovering from an absolutely incredible night. The phone rang and Eric answered. He's much more compulsive about that phone than I am. It was his sister inviting us for Sunday dinner. Obviously Jared had at least reported in about his conversation with us. I wanted the decision to be Eric's, but we talked about what it would be like to resume the Sunday dinners. We knew it would be awkward as hell, but if we were ever going back, it was an obstacle we would have to overcome eventually. Neither one of us had a clue as to what to expect from Paul. Finally, Eric suggested that we try it. If it didn't feel right we could make it a short visit and eat and run. I sensed that he really wanted to reconnect with his sister. She was way too important to him to stay away too long.
The telephone call and the discussion after had dampened the mood of the morning but not the closeness. I didn't want to be very far away from him for some reason. I found myself following him from room to room. When I trailed into the utility room after him, he realized I was shadowing him. He turned and took me in his arms.
"What is this? You're never clingy," Eric said.
"I don't know," I replied. "I just want to be near you. Is that all right?"
"Oh yes. It's perfectly all right. It surprised me, that's all. You are usually more. independent."
"Well, regardless of what I may project, I do desperately need you," I affirmed. "I have become very dependent on you if case you haven't noticed."
"I like being needed."
Soon, the washing machine wasn't the only thing spinning. We hadn't been this physically demanding since early in the relationship. Maybe we were getting a new start. What ever it was, I certainly wasn't complaining. We spent the entire day hardly ever more than arm's distance apart from each other. By evening, we were cuddled up together on the couch watching television. As we sat there with as much physical contact as we could arrange, I reflected that it had been one of the happiest days in a long time. We decided to turn in early, since neither one of us wanted to start some new project. I thought that maybe our ardor would start to wane. Boy was I wrong. By the time Sunday morning cane around, I literally floated into church. One thing about this congregation was that sometimes they were too smart. More than one person winked and made a comment like `someone got lucky last night.' They had no idea how lucky I was.
Eric and I tried to stay focused on those good feelings as we drove to the Langley home. With fear and trepidation we walked up to the door. Jared was instantly there to greet us. The look on his face told us we had made the right decision. Now, if everything would hold together for one meal. Carol quickly joined us and was all hugs and smiles. Paul followed after her, but he was definitely nervous. That didn't necessarily mean anything, however. In the past, he demonstrated that he could shift suddenly from vulnerable to aggressive in a heartbeat. He shook our hands, and making eye contact, told us he appreciated us being there. Time would tell. Conversation over dinner was a bit stilted, but we were all good enough at protocol to keep things moving. Jared was the one bright spot as he was obviously reveling in having the family together again. In his excitement, Jared stumbled into one of the many minefields we were all so desperately trying to avoid.
"Steve, I'm really excited about the canoe trip," Jared said enthusiastically. "How are the plans going? Do you have enough sponsors?"
The room went as still as a crypt. The rest of us evidently were aware of the dilemma as to whether or not Paul was going to be a sponsor. Call me impulsive. Call me a fool. I had a sudden instinct and acted on it.
"We actually need at least one more man to help," I began. "Paul, does your offer still stand to go on the trip?"
If it was quiet before, now everyone had stopped breathing. Paul finally spoke.
"You.you would let me.I mean you want me to go?"
"Yes, Paul, I think it would be good if you were to participate."
Then Paul did something I would never have expected. He turned to Jared and with complete sincerity asked his son if he wanted him to go on the canoe trip. In a way I wouldn't have believed possible, he transmitted respect to what his son wanted. Every single one of us caught the magnitude of what was happening. And when Jared told his father that he very much wanted him to go on the trip, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. But the surprises weren't finished. Paul began again.
"Do you suppose Nick would like to go, also," Paul asked Jared. Then turning to me, "That would be all right, wouldn't it?"
"Yes," I responded. "The trip is open to any gay youth. There is still room for several more guys."
Jared was now overcome with excitement, relief, and pure joy. Father and son stood and embraced. I had no more doubts about Paul's love for his son. He still might make mistakes. This new attitude was still in the early stages. But he had convinced me that his love was real. Jared left to call Nick, leaving the four adults alone together for the first time that afternoon. Paul once again took the lead.
"Steve, I can't thank you enough for what you've done. I'm not sure why you keep giving me chances, but I'm extremely grateful. I vow that I will not betray the confidence you have bestowed on me." Turning to Eric he continued, "Hold onto this guy, Eric. I think you've found a winner."
"After the way he held onto me last night," I interjected, "I'm not going anywhere."
Eric blushed and then turned white as a sheet. Carol's wide-open mouth finally formed into a smile. But the expression on Paul's face was priceless. Pure astonishment then worked its way into that patented grin that he and his son both had fine-tuned to perfection.
"Definitely a TMI," Paul said. "Most definitely a TMI."
Then everyone started to snicker. For reasons we perhaps wouldn't even have been able to name, we all started laughing so hard we were red in the face. Jared came back in the room and was floored.
"What did I miss? How come I miss all the good stuff?"
Somebody tried to explain it to him, but nobody could stop laughing long enough to talk. Soon, Jared was laughing at the four strange adults who couldn't seem to regain their composure. We finally settled down and told Jared what had been so funny. He naturally didn't think it was that funny, which of course it wasn't. We went on to talk about the canoe trip. Nick was sure he could go but was going to check with his parents. We talked about a lot of things, and the conversation was definitely now much more congenial. As Eric and I prepared to leave, Paul came up to us. First with me and then with Eric, he put his arms around each of us and held us tightly. There were also hugs from Carol and Jared.
It might seem that a minister's schedule would revolve around Sundays. Mine seemed to hinge on Monday mornings. Loren and I had spent a good part of the morning coordinating the church calendar and creating our to-do list for the week. Both the dance for the youth and the dance for the adults were shaping up nicely. With Paul going on the canoe trip, that staff was in good shape. I decided that a staff training for the trip would be a good way to introduce the different men who were going and discuss rules and philosophy for their time together. I gave Loren several times that were good for me. It is always so time consuming to try and get even a small group together with everyone's busy schedules. Surprisingly, Loren came back that afternoon with a time for this Saturday that all the adults could attend. Loren had also prepared a tentative budget for the trip.
Eric called in the middle of the afternoon. I realized it was his planning period.
"High, Steve. You got a minute," he said.
"For you, babe, I've got all the time in the world."
"I've been online looking for some more info for our trip this summer and had a few questions."
"As long as I can be with you, anything will be great," I replied.
"While I appreciate the sentiment, Steve, a little input would also be helpful."
"OK, what are my choices?"
We went on to discuss preferences of some options along the way. As much as we were in love, there was still a lot we didn't know about each other. We were getting there, but there's a point in a relationship that can only be reached after some time together. Neither one of us was confident we could always predict what the other wanted. In life-long relationships, it's often the little things that have a big impact on the quality of that relationship. Fortunately our compatibility was being confirmed as we made plans for our first vacation together.
I was about ready to leave for the day when Loren stepped into my office.
"Chief, Brad Carlisle is here and wants to speak with you. He seems very upset."
"Show him in, Loren," I said as I stood to greet a young man who had seen more than his share of grief. "Brad, come in and sit down. What can I do for you?"
"Rev. Williams, my counselor suggested I talk with you. It's about my dad," he sputtered out with some difficulty.
"You can call me Rev. Williams or you can call me Steve. Which ever is more comfortable for you. I'm glad you came to see me."
"My counselor and I have talked about a lot of stuff. He thinks it's time I started trying to forgive my dad. He said you might be able to help me. I'm having a tough time with it."
"Brad, forgiveness can be a difficult thing to do. You will never in your life ever forget the things that have happened. You've maybe heard the phrase `forgive and forget,'" I asked.
He nodded.
"The real goal, the real challenge is to forgive and remember. Every time you think about what has happened with you and your father, you're going to have some pretty deep feelings. You can't change what has happened, but you can choose how you will react to the memories. Forgiveness is letting go of the anger. It's saying I've been angry long enough. Today I choose to respond differently. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I think so. It's just that every time I think about him, I get so upset," he answered.
"Are you tired of being angry yet?"
"Yeah," he said with a sense of surprise, "I am kind of tired of it."
"Brad, the memories aren't going to change, but you can," I said softly.
"How do I do that?"
"When you can decide that you want to forgive, you have half the battle won. I'm sure your counselor can give you other suggestions, but you might try writing your father a letter. If you don't like what it says, you don't have to mail it. If it does sound good, giving it to him might start the healing process between you two."
"I'll try that, Rev. Williams. And thanks."
He stood to leave. I could tell he was questioning whether or not a hug was appropriate. Even gay teens can be awkward about propriety. He settled for shaking my hand. It had been a long day and there were still meetings tonight. It was definitely time to go home. Yes, that's exactly what it felt like. Home.
Comments are appreciated. bccccand@netscape.net