Michael's Story (part 4)
Cheryl Marie was a lovely girl I met in Cincinnati a number of years ago. Sadly, her life was cut short when she was hospitalized and died from pneumonia acquired there. This story is exactly as she wrote it, except for a few spelling and grammatical corrections. I publish this in fond memory of her – I only wish she had lived to see it published.
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Shortly after the first SCC conference, the plot thickened and my life took a dramatic turn. As amazing as the odds were in a mid-sized firm of 45 attorneys, I began to notice for several months dramatic changes in one of my partners by named Gus, a transactional corporate attorney and former military man. A very nice and intelligent person, but on the quiet side. He had undergone a dramatic weight loss, was letting his hair grow very long, and then began to tint it very noticeably.
In addition, he began to keep to himself almost always. Once I swore I noticed what I thought was some breast growth! Or was that my overly-active imagination? I began to suspect he might be in transition! I shared my suspicions with Gloria, and she scoffed that I was over-reacting.
I also shared my thoughts with my various TG friends, and they suggested approaching Gus directly. If I was right it could be beneficial for both to have a contact. But if I were wrong, it would be mortifyingly embarrassing and would be a dead give-away for me.
But if I were right, did this suggest a high level of acceptance within my firms of liberal and well-educated attorneys? It made perfect sense, and if all of this happened it would give me a tremendous sense of comfort that I had nothing to fear if they discovered my dual life. Such an amazing development!
My suspicions were answered one evening when Gus appeared at a social dinner sponsored by the local TG group. But not as Gus, of course! I instantly recognized him ... well her! ... presenting herself as a tall willowy brunette by the name of Tamarra! She instantly recognized me. But the mutual shock was so profound and laden with issues of mutual confidentiality, that we had no direct discussions that night, nor the succeeding days at work.
It was mucho awkward! Neither of us knew how to break the ice.
All of this changed when the management committee informed everyone that Gus had decided to leave the firm to practice on his own. Nothing that unusual on the surface. Even partners come and go. But a few days later, I saw Gus and said how sorry I was to see him leave and where would his new office be? When he said "I haven't set one up yet," I knew what was really happening, and it was very disturbing!
We agreed to meet for lunch and then shared everything we could in 50 minutes, all while munching our weight-conscious friendly salads! Such girls!
Yes she was being forced out, and in a very rushed and ugly way that was very very unusal for partners leaving. But it was unusual for a partner to be forced out at all ... and without letting other partners know or agree! She opined, and I had to agree, that this was a clear case of trans-phobia and discrimination.
The shock of all of this was overwhelming! I felt totally alienated and out of place among partners whom I had known and liked for so long. Men and women whom I had liked and respected. If this could happen among liberal attorneys, it could happen anywhere! And the sheer immorality of it was intolerable to me. I dared not speak up, but I could first vote with my feet, and then let my esteemed partners know what I truly felt!
Somehow I had to get out!
It was a matter of hours, if not minutes, before I recalled the firm that I had met with at SCC! Would the waters of my Red Sea part for me through that firm? Oh I know that sounds over-the-top dramatic, but that is how I viewed it! Drama was part of my inner being.
I could cope with living my dual life in secret for a long long time, but not the sense of surviving in what was unmistakeably an environment of hostility and rejection. Knowing that if somehow my true feelings were known, the result could well be equally hostile, although not knowing whether the situations would be viewed differently without my pursuing on the job transition. But could I take that chance?
So I quickly put together the requisite resume and cover-letter stuff and contacted the Chicago firm of Bishop and Hall, they were looking for an attorney in their Cincinnati branch, and I was put in touch with my Moses, a rather nice guy by the name of ... yes you guessed it! ... Michael.
Within two months, I was invited to work in the Cincinnati office where the work load was heavy. Michael, in particular, was over-loaded in intellectual property cases and I had had some decent experience in that area. If this was some form of Kismet, I cared not. It was new hope and a new life.
Prior to all of this, I felt like a complete coward and sell-out in my old firm, not daring to raise my voice in the face of such injustice and immorality. Not only did my partners perpetrate an inexcuseable act of discrimination, but also caused immense emotional anguish to Tamarra.
Thus, I had some modicum of vindication when I disclosed to some of my close partners the truth about me, but did so on my terms. I pulled no punches in expressing my profound sense of disappointment of how horribly they had treated Gus/Tamarra. How totally devastated she was emotionally. At last, I had that belated satisfaction, although trying to minimize the burning of bridges, if I could. I ain't no fool.
I hope some of my thoughts registered with some. There were expressions of surprise about me ... and meaningless assurances of continuing respect and friendship for me. Plus fumbling justifications about Gus. But they were total bullshit ... oops there I go again! I hope my gentle reader has not-so-gentle ears! If not, this might not be the story for you!
And the move was the event that allowed Gloria and I to take the painful choice that we knew was growing more inevitable, living truly separate lives. We could only hope it would be the best for us, and somehow we would still manage to be there for each other emotionally as best we could. Lofty thoughts, indeed, but sincere.
–––––––––––––––––––– To be continued ...
Feel free to contact me with your comments or requests. –Bill (oral_guy_2000@yahoo.com)
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