Ellen's funeral was just a blur to Mickey.
It wasn't unlike the feeling he had about his father's funeral following his suicide. He had been in the hospital for treatment of his injuries sustained that terrible night so many years ago. The funeral and his injuries merged making him almost shut down. The careful attention of his mom and his brother, along with friends like Mrs. Glynn and her husband, his early benefactors, were the only things that got him through the shock of Ellen's death. His family and friends, especially Drew, kept him alert, and sane and grounded this time too. Mickey and Drew also had to keep themselves grounded in order to welcome the two additions to their family who would be arriving the next day. He couldn't be numb for that.
As Mickey and Drew were leaving the gates at the cemetery they were approached by Brad, who had just put his phone away.
"Hey Mickey, I know this isn't exactly a good time, but can we talk for a minute?", Brad asked as he approached from the direction of the burial site, pulling his jacket tight against the strong breeze.
"Of course, I'm just a little, um... out of it right now," he replied as he took a deep breath.
"But no worries, go ahead. I think that I could use any distraction."
He pulled on the lapel of his suit, thinking about the fabric. It wasn't quite the dark funeral attire that one might expect for the occasion, but the shade of deep blue seemed sufficiently respectable to him. Besides, Ellen once saw the suit in his closet and said that blue was his color.
"I know what you mean," Brad replied, looking back at the billowing graveside canopy before turning toward them. "But I just got a text from Khalid. Would you guys be able to meet with him soon, maybe even later today? I know it's a bit rushed, but he was able to go through the will and wanted to walk you guys through a couple issues."
Drew put his hand on Mickey's shoulder. "Yes, we can do that, I think," he answered, before turning to Mickey and getting a nod. "It would be good to get it over with and all. Maybe she has some plans or intentions for the kids, that would really help. We just don't `know what she would have wanted."
"Her parents gave it to us but we couldn't even look at it," Mickey admitted. "Maybe we should have, but...it was just too hard, at least then. I'm glad that Khalid is available and could really dig into it."
"I'm not expecting much in the will. I don't even know when she wrote it, although it is not likely she did so before she was pregnant. But who knows?" he said, looking at no one in particular. "But we want to get the adoption process finished as soon as possible and this is the first step. We don't want to leave anything to chance or have her parents change their minds."
*** Khalid greeted them as they stepped through the paneled door into his office, which was just down the hall from Mickey's. While he saw Mickey almost every day, he also had had the opportunity to meet Drew at firm events, so they weren't complete strangers. But the circumstances now put everything in a completely different perspective as he was quickly to become more intimately involved in their lives.
"Thanks for coming in today, guys. I'm really sorry about what happened. Are you both OK?" he asked.
"About what you would expect," Mickey answered. "But thanks to you for taking the time to dig into this all so quickly. We really appreciate it."
"No problem at all Mickey, I'm really glad to do it and feel honored that you guys are trusting me with this. I realize how important it is," Khalid responded before reaching out to shake hands.
"We can do this at about any pace that's comfortable. I just don't want you to feel rushed at all," he added.
"Khalid, thanks, we're good, I appreciate the thought. I'm not sure what kind of shape we're in, but we need to press ahead with everything that affects the adoption and get that process moving."
"OK, Mickey, thanks. But if that goal is important then we'll need to go through the entire document piece by piece because there are a couple important items that need to be discussed," he said.
Looking at each other, Drew and Mickey did not know what to expect. Ellen didn't have a financial fortune, but maybe there was some clue as to who she thought should raise the kids, or even what to name them. Drew braced himself for the nomination of her parents as the default choice for adoption, which, if not a realistic option, could nonetheless complicate things. But even more likely, it could have been written before she was pregnant and so there would be no clues at all. And that would even have been before Mickey had reestablished contact with her.
"Like Mickey said, we're OK. If nothing else, it will bring some closure and just help us both to get this step out of the way," Drew added.
"OK, that all sounds good, so have a seat and make yourselves comfortable," Khalid said, gesturing to a sofa in the small lounge area adjacent to his desk. He didn't have a lot more experience than Mickey, but the firm thought that the people in the family law practice needed a living room-like atmosphere for the type of client encounters that they might have. It was a relatively spacious and traditional arrangement to accommodate all the overstuffed chairs and quietly modern wood tables, the `props,' as Mickey thought of them.
Taking a seat across from them, Khalid pulled out a manila envelope from his battered leather briefcase and opened it on his lap. He tried to balance the small stack of papers on his legs as he placed the briefcase on the floor beside him. He seemed to fumble around, a bit nervous, but Mickey knew how dedicated Khalid was to his clients and could understand the pressure that he was putting on himself.
"Well, I'm not sure that we ever have good news in these things, being what they are," he started. "But there were some things that Ellen wanted to have happen that should give you some peace," he said before dropping a piece of paper on the floor. He quickly retrieved it and slipped the sheet back into the stack.
They looked at each other again. "I just hope that she's OK with us in this role, wherever she is. I can't think that she could have ever imagined something like this happening," Drew said, folding his hands across this chest. "But we'll just deal with whatever it is as best we can."
"I never met her," Khalid replied, "but she perhaps had more foresight than either of you have given her credit for." He pulled out a couple more sheets that Mickey could see were notarized and had what he remembered as her very flowing, flowery signature.
Khalid dropped another document but quickly picked it up off the thick, vaguely abstract formal rug that seemed to engulf half of the room.
"Well, let's get down to business," he said as he neatly rearranged them on the highly polished wood surface of the table.
"This will," Khalid emphasized, "was written only two weeks ago. In fact, she did indeed consider the children. In fact that is the whole point of the document."
They both tensed up. There really would be a decision here. They each prepared for the worst.
"And to answer what is probably the most important issue, she does in fact wish that in the event that something happened to her, she would want you two to raise the kids, if you were willing. If you were willing, that is.
"Really?" Mickey asked. "Really? Really?" they both repeated as they sat up in their chairs, looking at each other and then back at Khalid.
"Yes, really," he replied, smiling but not surprised at their reaction. "Her parents were the backup, but you two are her definite first choice," he said as he raised the sheet and showed Mickey the text of the will.
`...I hope that they find it in their hearts to raise these two kids. I don't know how difficult it will be, and don't really have much to give to give to support them, but I trust Mickey Deringer and Drew Patterson more than anyone else and hope that they...'
"She goes on to say that you can sell whatever there is in her apartment to help with the expenses, et cetera, etcetera. But I don't think that matters a lot to you now."
Mickey turned to Drew. For a moment, all the sorrows of the day briefly passing away. "Oh my god..." he could hardly believe it as bumped his shoulder into Drew.
Drew could see color even coming into Mickey's scars and knew how happy he was.
"So, I take that as yes, correct?" he asked.
"Yes!" They both responded back without looking at each other.
"Ok, good. That's the answer that I expected, but I had to ask the question," Khalid said as he smiled at both of them.
"I know that's good news, " he continued. "That's one of the reasons that I wanted you to come today, even though I knew it would be tough."
"Yes, good news for sure. Or as good as we could get," Mickey replied softly. Neither cared about any money. What she said about the fate of the kids was all that they wanted to hear.
"It will still take a time to get the adoption completed, a few months at the minimum," Khalid added. "But with this kind of endorsement, and her parents not contesting the will, it should go through as quickly as you can make these things happen."
"Until then, I don't think that I'll be completely calm. But right now, it is as good as it could be," Mickey replied.
"That goes for the two of us,' Drew added. Both of them kept sighing, relieved. Drew slumped back in his chair as he reached over and squeezed Mickey's arm while Mickey pulled on his. It was about as physical as they ever got out in public.
Nodding at them, Kahlid put a paper clip on that first set of papers. He then pulled another set from the envelope. He glanced down at this new document, then looked back up at them as they both seemed to have sunk back into the couch even farther.
"There are a few more things here, the contents of her apartment are at your disposal as I mentioned, though she doesn't think that there is a lot there to sell, etcetera," he continued.
"We won't sell anything," Mickey replied. "Maybe we'll donate what we can, but I'm hoping that there are mementoes and pictures, that, you know, maybe the kids would like someday."
"Good point, Mickey. But it's all yours to go through as you see fit," Khalid said as he put away that set of papers back in the envelope and pulled out another. "But there is one more thing."
"What else could there be?" Drew asked as he noticed that this new document was unlike any of the other ones, on bluish legal-size paper with a different letterhead.
Khalid appeared to be looking for a certain piece of information as he shuffled around between the pages. He looked at one, then shook his head, then another and shook his head again. Finally, with a brief, `ah hah!' he separated out one particular sheet with lots of signatures on top, including again Ellen's unique calligraphy.
"What's this part about? Mickey asked. "I'm not sure what else there could be after that good news."
Khalid looked up at both of them with a half smile on his face then focused back down at the paper. "Well...I'm not sure if either of you are aware of this, but It seems that Ellen made an egg donation to a fertility bank a year or so ago. She said that she did it on, I guessed you could say, kind of on a lark.' She mentions a friend who did it and thought that it was maybe a good insurance policy. you never know what could happen,' she says. In any case, she said the egg could be destroyed but should first be offered to Drew if you guys want to try for a baby through IVF."
"What?!" Drew said. He looked at Mickey.
"She had told us about her friend who did that, but I had no idea that she did, too," Mickey added, his mouth wide open.
"It was just a back-up for her, I guess," Khalid replied. "She probably thought it was never going to be used, especially as, well..." he started, before pausing, looking down at the paper.
"As well... what?" Mickey asked.
"To quote her," Khalid responded, `I'm not sure that I should ever need to save these eggs, as I seem to get pregnant rather easily.'" Mickey couldn't help but quietly chuckle.
"But you guys don't need to do anything with the eggs," he added, "there's no obligation. If you don't want them then they can be destroyed...'
"No way!" Mickey exclaimed, as Drew simultaneously said, "No!"
Drew felt like the earth was shifting underneath his feet. He understood Mrs. Deringer's comments to Mickey about not being able to plan everything out but now the careful timetable of family growth that they had so neatly arranged was thrown out the window.
He was startled back to the conversation when he heard Mickey say, "...from what I remember, the eggs can be OK for a couple years, but sooner is always better than later."
Kahlid look at them both. "To be honest, I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it's a decision for you two to make, though it sounds like it's just a matter of timing. So I'll get in touch with the agency and see about next steps here, too."
When they got home and came through the front door they could hear movement upstairs in the house, like furniture was being dragged around. Looking at each other, they cautiously approached the stairs.
"Hey, who's up there," Drew yelled up. Instinctively, he put his arm out to hold back Mickey.
There was no sound, then they heard tiny footsteps running toward the balcony above. Then saw Chessie.
"My mommy and daddy and Uncle Marty are making a baby place!" she yelled down at them, clutching her doll and twisting and turning with pride on her announcement.
"Oh sorry, guys, I tried to call but it went into voicemail," Bik said as he came up behind her. "Laura and I thought that you might need a nursery ASAP, so we all got together and brought over a few things. I know that you'll want to get your own stuff, of course, but there might not be enough time. These things should tide you over."
"Come on up and see," he added.
"Yeah, come up and see!" Chessie repeated, clutching her doll even tighter and grinning.
The guys looked at each other and then practically bounded up the stairs.
"We had to make an executive decision, and Laura thought that this looked like a natural for the nursery," he said as he led them into the room next to their bedroom. It was the room that Ellen liked so much.
Along one wall there were two mismatched cribs, one white and one blue. Along the other wall was a changing table, with a couple of bouncy seats and more baby furniture on the floor. Next to the large window, the one that brought in the light that so enthralled Ellen, were two rocking chairs. Marty was on his knees with a screwdriver, putting the final touches on the leg of the blue crib.
"Sorry it's kind of a ragged collection, but it will get you by if the kids come back in the next couple days," Marty said. "By the way it's just a loaner. We hope to need it back soon," he added, smiling. "We're expecting for Number Two soon."
Mickey beamed. "That's great, congratulations!"
"They can grow up together, which will be pretty cool," Marty replied.
After Mickey and Drew shook his hand, Marty thanked them, but knew that he had to return to the task at hand and explained to them both how the handrails moved up and down. "A little easier for loading and unloading, especially as they get bigger," he said.
But before he could continue, they heard a swishing sound in the hallway as if something was being shuffled across the old wood floor, then onto the carpet then back onto the floor. A moment later, they saw a modern, sleek chest of drawers being pushed into the room, with Mike and Brad huffing and puffing behind it.
"Oh my gosh, are you guys OK?" Drew asked as he and Mickey both quickly rushed toward the drawer side of the piece and helped to maneuver it through what used to seem like a large door but now was more like a mousehole.
"Oh, we're fine, Brad replied. "it's just those stairs. Maybe next time..."
"...A freight elevator," his architect husband Mike chimed in. "I'll draw it up for free."
"By the way, how did it go with Khalid? Brad asked, pulling a towel from around his belt and wiping the sweat from his forehead before passing it on to Mike, who did the same.
Mickey and Drew were both weary at this point, not from the kind of physical work like their friends were doing but from the roller coaster emotions of the day. They told the story with a sense of weary relief.
"Those kids are lucky," Mike responded. "The circumstances are pretty bad, but it could have been even worse, a lot worse for them. It's one thing when parent's have kids that they didn't want, but when children get foisted on some uninterested relative, that can be a really bad scene."
"But these kids are going to have a great home," he added, reaching over and squeezing Mickey's shoulder.
"I hope so," he replied. "I guess that I'm trying to be ready. But I have my moments, I mean, when it seems...daunting."
"You've got the right attitude," Brad said. "These aren't toys, they're people and need a lot of work and attention. But I have no doubt that guys will be great parents."
"And speaking of great jobs and work and attention," he continued, leaning into the short side of the furniture, its form still askew in the room . "These kids are going to need this stuff in their new home like really soon. So where should we put it? Lead the way, dads!"
Did Ellen burp yet? Drew asked, bouncing lightly on his feet to soothe the baby in his arms as they prepared to take them home. He remembered reading that hospitals had been revamping their maternity wards to be homier and less institutional, but it seemed like this place hadn't gotten the memo, as the harsh fluorescent lighting glared down on them and their new family. But it didn't seem to matter.
The were no directions in the will for naming the kids, so it was the first task they had in acting as parents. Picking the name of `Ellen' for the girl was an easy decision. The boy's name, however, was turning out to be a challenge.
There wasn't really a male form of the name `Ellen, and there didn't seem to have any important men in her family to act as namesakes. It had to be significant and meaningful, they thought.
"Did she have a middle name?" Mickey asked his mom the morning after the birth. All of them had had a fitful night's sleep but were on an adrenalin rush at the moment.
"Let's see," she responded, putting her finger on her mouth, her way of contemplating something, a habit Mickey sometimes displayed. "A lot of them in that branch of the Deringers had family names as their middle names, if they had them at all. But I can't think what it is...but...wait a minute," she said before reaching for her purse on the kitchen counter.
Rummaging into the bottom, she retrieved what looked like a hospital form of some kind, with the institutional seal at the top and a couple signatures below. "Let's see..."
"Her middle name was...Charlotte!" she declared.
Mickey thought for a moment. "Charles is certainly related to that, but let's just see what others there are," he said, his hand quickly punching the question into his phone.
"hmmm...there's...no...huh...hmm...," he mumbled.
"Ah here!" he finally declared. "There are a few forms of the name, like Karel,' K-A-R-E-L," he replied, spelling out the Czech version, "that are very particular to certain languages that would probably sound a little odd in English. English also has Carl,' which is actually the German version except that the Germans start it with a `K.' It can be spelled both ways in English."
"What do think that she would like," he asked Drew.
"Ha! You know what?" he exclaimed, smiling at Micky and his Mom. "I just remember that she was joking around once about names that she didn't want and Charles actually came up."
"What did she say?" Mickey asked, looking away from the screen and up at Drew.
"She said that it sounded kind of stuffy, especially `Charles Deringer.' She said it had too many syllables and sounded like it could have been the name of one of her father's law partners, and that wasn't a good thing. It would have to be something punchier, but at the same time, more casual."
"Those are kind of two different things," Mrs. Deringer gently pointed out. "Good luck with that," she added as they both smiled.
"Well, Karl is sort of punchy, at least it starts out that way," Drew joked. "But to be honest, I actually just kind of like it."
"Me, too." Mickey said. "If I try to rationalize that, I'd say that it starts out hard but ends up soft."
"This is such a momentous decision, you know? They will have these names for the rest of their lives." he added.
"Yeah, it is. I'm not sure what other criteria should be considered, but we need to get something on the birth certificate, and we've done about as much due diligences as, well...parents can do," Drew said, pausing at the mention of `parents'.
"Ellen and Carl..." they sound good together, and both of the names really mean a lot. It's the right thing to do. " Mickey replied. "But spelled with a K' or a C'?"
"C" Drew replied, "Closer to Charlotte."
"So Ellen and Carl it is," Mickey said, sounding relieved. "Gosh, that sounds good. Plus. I didn't want to continue with him' and her' for much longer. That makes them sound like strangers."
"I'm not sure I even know what a baby's burp is supposed to sound like," Mickey answered, "but she's not fussing, so maybe she did the burp already."
"You'll know if she's not comfortable so that sounds right. The first burp is kind of nice. But soon you'll get the first poop, and that will be a little different," Mrs. Deringer said. Holder her phone camera only inches from her face, she used her free hand to motion for them to stand closer together.
"Get right next to each other, this needs to be good, it's the first one," she said as she directed Drew, with Ellen, to the left.
"Close enough?" he asked, leaning into Mickey as he moved Carl in between them while Mickey did the same with Ellen.
Looking at the shaking image, she said "Ok, good...now, smile!' Neither one of them could manage the kind of celebratory grin that she knew they had in them, but it was still a smile.
Placing the camera in her purse on the edge of the bassinet, she approached and put an arm on each of them as they held their children. "We all know the circumstances here, guys, and this wasn't how anyone wanted this to happen," she said as she looked down at the babies, who were now squirming a bit but otherwise seemed content.
"But Ellen and Carl don't know anything about that. All they want to feel is that they are loved. All the time, every minute. And if you don't smile at them, they won't know that. That's your job as parents. You can always remember their mom, but she would want you do whatever you had to do to make them happy.
"So you both need to start doing what every good parent does," Mrs. Deringer said as she again pulled out the camera. You need to sacrifice for your children and do what's right for them."
Drew nodded, then looked at Mickey.
"OK," he said, after Mickey looked back at him.
"We're ready," he proclaimed, as they stood side-by-side and beamed for the camera.