Mile High Part 7
Chris sat in silence along with Kelvin and his family in the small chapel that served the hospital. Jim's and Brian's classmates were also in attendance, also keeping vigil and praying for them all.
He had been shocked when the Lear jet had landed at the airport. It wasn't based there and he only learned later that it was loaned to Kel's dad by a friend and fellow Aggie he knew. The news that brought the jet and Kel's family together had floored him. He couldn't believe it was as bad as they said it was. Some of the most fun they'd had was teasing Brian, and he gave as good as he got. Chris had been even more surprised and eternally grateful when he was asked for and given permission to accompany Kel and his mom and dad. Kel's dad said that he wanted someone to stay with Kelvin while he and his wife handled whatever needed to be done, whatever hard decisions needed to be made.
Everybody's attention shifted instantly to the elderly woman dressed in green scrubs who entered the room. "Mr. Stuart?" She approached Kel's dad; the calm demeanor displayed was betrayed by the grief in her eyes. "I'm Doctor Light. May I speak to you and your family alone?"
"No, it's OK, you can tell us all." James waved his hand inclusively. "These kids are part of my son's life now."
Dr. Light looked around at the faces. This would be hard no matter how it occurred. She shrugged and sat next to James and his wife. "I'm the chief Neurologist here and I've just finished a series of tests on Brian. I'm afraid there is nothing more we can do. I signed the form that states he is brain dead. I'm afraid it is irreversible."
"Brian's gone?" Kel spoke up, disbelief breaking through his shaking voice.
"Yes, he is." Dr. Light looked at the tear-stained face of what had to be Brian's younger brother. The family resemblance was unmistakable. "The machines are keeping his body alive but he is gone." She looked at the incomprehension on the young man's face in front of her. "Let me try to put it another way. This body we live in is our home on the earth." She touched Kel's chest. "It's as if Brian has left this home for good, but the water is still on."
"What do we do now?" James whispered. This was so wrong. He wasn't supposed to bury his sons; they were supposed to bury him! He was ashamed; he should be crying like everybody else was, shouldn't he?
Dr. Light took a deep breath. She was reluctant to bring it up at all, but it was state law and she preferred that if anyone brought it up, she do it. "We found an organ donor card and a note in your son's wallet." She motioned to a nurse who brought the object and handed it to James. "Brian must have been full of life and love for him to request what he did."
James read the note attached to the card and felt himself finally tear up. "Oh Brian, you were never any trouble."
"Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, I guess I'm gone. For
all the trouble I've
caused, I'm sorry. Please let them use everything they
can. Let me give back
some of what I've had. I won't need the parts any more. I
will always love
you forever! Brian."
James passed the note to his family. "Can you give us a few minutes?"
Dr. Light stood and motioned everybody out of the room. "I'll be in my office. A nurse can direct you. Let me know what you decide or if you have any questions." She watched the tragic line of students leave the room and followed soon after. She hated to lose.
"D', Dad, you're not going to let them just cut him up, are you?" Kel didn't want to face the reality. Couldn't face that Brian was really gone.
James pulled his youngest into his arms. "Kelvin, Kelvin, listen to me. Brian is gone! It's what he wanted. We have to grant his last wish! What would he say if we said no?" James felt his wife's and Jim's arms embrace the two of them, lending their support.
"But, but what if it was my fault?" Kel had heard from some of Brian's friends that he had been pedaling back from a support group meeting when that car hit him.
"Kelvin! It's not your fault! The only blame here is with the drunk in that car. It was an accident! You're not to blame!" James pulled back to look Kel in the eyes. "Your mom and I are going to talk to the doctor now. Then we'll all go see him."
Chris crouched with his back to the wall outside the chapel. He let his folded arms cradle his head as his silent tears dropped into his lap. He hurt. He hurt for Kel and he hurt for the family that had done so much for him. They had kept him alive and he didn't know how to make this any better for them.
"Mind if I pull up a piece of floor?" Chris looked up at the young lady who had spoken. He nodded as she sat next to him.
"My name is Juliana Mackenzie. Most people call me Julie." Chris barely let the words through. This one sure was different from the other 'Julie' in his life.
"May I ask how you know the Stuarts?" she continued. "You look too young to be a student here."
"I came with Kel, I mean Kelvin. We're best friends," Chris said. Couldn't this girl leave him alone? He had to think.
They both sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Julie came to a decision: "Do you love him?" she asked, taking the risk. "I was in charge of a support group Brian had started going to. He told us about Kelvin's problems."
"Yes, I love him," Chris whispered.
"If you don't mind taking some advice from good old psych' one-o-one, all I can tell you is, be there for him. Don't let him push you away." She studied Chris, hoping what she said got through. "He'll be angry as hell, among other things. If he lashes out at you, give him some space to talk, but know it isn't your fault. He may say things he doesn't mean. Let him! Just promise that you'll be there. If you love him, I know you will!" She pulled a business card and placed it in his hand. "If you need help or want to talk, call me."
Kel sat by the bed, oblivious to Chris in the door behind him. One look at his brother's half lidded eyes told him the truth, Brian was no longer there. He was there to say goodbye but his brother had already left.
So he addressed the air around him: "Brian? Why did you leave me? I needed you to keep me in line. I don't know how to be the 'pink sheep' without the 'black sheep' to keep me company." Kel felt ashamed by what he said as he said it. This wasn't Brian's fault, either. "Wherever you are, I love you. Please forgive me...." Kel dropped his head onto Brian's still hand, wishing life back into it.
"Kelvin? Chris? It's time to go." James quietly guided both boys into the hall to join his wife. He then returned to sit with Brian until they came to take him to the operating room.
Chris felt like he was a small boat caught in Hurricane Kelvin. One moment a storm would rage, followed by a period of calm, the eye of the storm. Then the tempest would begin again. When he and Kelvin and his mom returned home that night (James would return with his son's body), Chris stayed with Kel that night. Though he disagreed with the decision, he volunteered to take Kel to school the next morning. Kel's parents had insisted he go. He had missed too much already with his stay in the hospital.
"I'll never get to go flying with him," Kel said under his breath as Chris held him tight on his bed during a quiet time. "He'll never share what I can do. Go with me on the trips I dreamed of...."
"Kel? I think he'll always be with you, whatever you do." A plan slowly formed in Chris's mind. "As for your flying with him, why don't you show him?"
"Show him? How can I do that now?" Kelvin heatedly replied. He thought his boyfriend had finally gone over the edge, but his numbed mind was willing to latch onto any action. That was preferable to doing nothing.
Chris relaxed and pulled them both back against the headboard. They discussed his plan well into the morning.
Mrs. Lee met the boys as they came through the doors of the school. Both of them were dragging, arms wrapped around each other for support. Christopher was still in his work uniform. The call she got from Kelvin's mother that morning had left her speechless. She remembered Brian fondly. He had spent a lot of time in her office, grinning, telling her the most outlandish excuses for what he had just done. Despite the size of the school, she was unfortunate to remember all the students and former students she had lost over the years. That family, and especially Kelvin, had gone through so much, she and her staff were going to have to watch him very closely.
"Kelvin?" Her first instinct was to want to hug him. but she decided that she didn't want him to feel smothered. "I'm very sorry and I want you to know that we will be there to help. Do you want me to make an announcement?"
"No! I'll tell my friends." `That won't take long' Kel thought bitterly. If these people didn't care before, why should they care now? He hated being here! His brother was dead and his enemies were still here. He couldn't face the hypocritical sadness they would show towards him! He was fighting hard to keep his temper in check. He wanted to explode again. Thank God, Chris was still there through all the storms his mind projected at everybody.
"OK, except for your teachers, I'll let you tell who you want." Mrs. Lee saw the conflict in Kel's features. She hated the directives to the schools that forced the boy to be here. He needed to be at home, but she'd be forced to fail him for the year if he missed much more school. The School Board had taken away her options.
Chris followed Kelvin to his locker. He didn't want to leave him alone at all today, but knew he didn't have permission to skip his classes. None of their friends or allies were around that morning. Most of the other kids seemed to instinctively stay away from the dark cloud that followed them. Most, but not all.
"So, Mile High, did you and your fag boyfriend have a good time this weekend?" Some guy Kel couldn't name was speaking to them, Julie and her group watching from the fringes. "You two disgust me! You should be rounded...." He never got any further. Kel let his temper go and struck like a mongoose faced with a room full of cobras. `How dare this fool even breathe the same air his brother had!'
Kel was able to pin his surprised assailant against the lockers. "You ever come near me again..." Kel's voice came in slow quiet tones, punctuated by a look so cold the other felt his machismo crumble in the face of real fear. This short kid was insane! "...one of us is going to die! Have you seen death? I have!"
"Kel!" Chris pulled his boyfriend off. "Leave off, you've made your point!" and hugged him tight.
This time there were no tears from Kel. Just a cold emptiness replaced Kel's rage. They had almost killed him once and he had seen his brother's dead eyes. There was nothing to fear down that road. God should have taken him instead but chose not to. It was that moment he realized that he would never offer his life to those who hated him. If they wanted his life, they were going to have to take it!
"You'd better leave, asshole! I think he means it!" Chris said to the other, who thankfully retreated quickly into the crowd that had gathered. "Kel, you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm OK now." Kelvin hugged his lover back, ignoring everybody else. "I'm not going to die or kill myself. I wouldn't give the fuckers the satisfaction." Kel pulled back calmly. "I need to tell our friends about Brian."
Kelvin decided to wait until lunch to tell anyone. That didn't go over well with Joel. He was beside himself with concern and curiosity, but let it lay after repeated attempts to figure out why Kel and the teacher were acting the way they were. He'd just have to learn along with everybody else. He did suggest that they meet in the cafeteria and come down to the auditorium where he and Sharon were supposed to be practicing for a school talent show.
Joel noticed the others enter the auditorium out of the corner of his eye as he completed the opening chords and Sharon started singing "Memory". She loved that musical, so it was only natural she'd do that song. He only hoped his piano was up to her voice. When they were through, he was pleased. Sharon's voice had soared as always and he figured he didn't make more than a half dozen errors. He was disturbed by the strained expressions displayed by Chris and Kel, and Mike!
Chances are, Mike knew what was going on. His dad seemed to know everything with all his connections around the state. Hell, he probably knew who really killed Kennedy. But Mike was going to remain silent. This was news for Kel to report, not him.
The rest of the group was made up by Steve and some others from the track team, `Jocks Light', Joel called them (more for their attitude and stature than their undeniable athleticism), and a few other mutual acquaintances.
When the group settled on stage and Kelvin started relating what had occurred, the group was stunned. If the school had suddenly collapsed around them, they wouldn't know it. Most of them had known Brian even though he was one or two years ahead of them.
Sharon and Steve were the first to move to Kel and Chris, who had stayed by his side. Sharon tried to place her arms around Kel and was surprised to be shrugged off.
"Kelvin! Don't you dare turn cold on us." Sharon looked at the fierce green eyes she was presented with. "Don't block us out. We're here for you." Nothing. "Don't you dare treat his memory like this! Don't hate! Brian loved this world. He was a hero!"
"A hero?" Kel felt the first crack in the cold armor he'd thought he'd permanently placed himself in.
"Yes, a hero!" Sharon continued. "Think of the people out there he never even knew. Moms and dads who will still have their child, and the kids who may still have their parent because of what he did. My grandma can see because she got a new cornea a couple of years ago. I never saw it from the other side before. You need to remember him for that. We all do! He deserves that!"
Sharon saw tears welling in those green eyes she recognized as Kelvin's, and was finally able to complete her embrace. Christopher joined her immediately, followed by Steve and the others. Even Kel smiled through his renewed tears as Mike said "Group hug!" and he felt himself engulfed.
Had any of the group been psychic, they would have been deafened by the tons of cold steel falling away from Kel's body.
The rest of the week was a rush of conflicting visions as everybody prepared for the funeral. At school, those who mattered were there, those Kel knew hated him were content to leave him alone. They thought he was probably certifiable anyway, after that first confrontation. Kelvin settled into his own single-minded routine. Every day after school he would go up in his dad's biplane. If anybody asked him, he just said he wanted to think and that was the best way to do it. Two days before the services, their plan was almost halted after four of Kel's dad's friends flew in (They used to call themselves the Five Horsemen) and Jack, their leader, guessed what he was doing.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Jack said; "Some of your dad's friends will be with the FAA. You don't even have your license yet. They could stop you from ever getting it!"
"Yes, sir, I owe it to him. We never got to fly together!" Kel said with a fierce, yet pleading, conviction to the old fighter pilot standing next to him.
Jack glanced down at the earnest young man. "All right, but first I'm going up with you. You prove to me that you can do it safely. I came for one funeral, not two!"
Jack came down suitably impressed with the instruction Kelvin had received from his dad. "OK, I won't say anything. In fact, if you let us do all the work, I'll include you in what we were planning anyway. You ever had a chance to do any straight and level formation flying?" Jack knew their number four would agree to the substitution.
Kel shook his head no. He had some idea where this was leading and couldn't believe these men wanted to honor his family and Brian that way.
"That's OK. Tell you what I want you to do...." Jack laid out his plan.
Chris spent as much time with Kel as he could. At times they would cling tightly to each other, taking comfort in each other's presence. Their time looking at sunsets had taken on even more meaning. Chris was just happy they had both survived the most recent storm in their lives and were still together to enjoy the future. He didn't know if things would ever go back to normal. Hell, he didn't know what normal was any more, but he was with his love and the feeling was mutual.
Kel had said he wanted to start running to school again right after the funeral. So they made it an official date. Kel even showed some of his sense of humor when Chris had threatened to tell the coach he was running again. They'd even, good naturedly, verbally cut each other to ribbons a couple of times, so much so that a casual observer would have thought they were worst enemies, not best friends and lovers. Of course, Kel still got in the last word.
The day of the funeral was heralded by a cold front that left the cloudless cool sky a deep robin's egg blue. Chris sat with Kelvin and his family. He had tried to beg off and sit toward the back, but Kel's dad wouldn't take no for an answer and had lent him a tie (clip-on, thankfully) when he'd found out Chris didn't own one, much less a suit. He found the whole experience surreal as he stared at the white coffin covered in hundreds of prayers and other good-byes the mourners had been invited to write during the previous two nights of visitation and wake. Chris had found himself unpacking his art pencils and charcoals at Kel's insistence and carefully inscribing the poem "High Flight", from Kelvin's memory, on the center of the lid, surrounded by what they decided was appropriate artwork. He was also amazed at the number of people here. If it were him instead of Brian, he didn't think very many people would show up. But then, you never really knew how many people's lives you had touched.
When the service was over, Chris was able to help Kelvin slip out with Jack and the other pilots before the procession to the grave-site got underway. He was ready for the rest of his part. His dad's radio was in his car and he had talked to the Chaplain who would lead at the graveside.
James was visibly bothered by the absence of his youngest son at the graveside. He had even delayed the procession until Christopher had told him that he would find Kel and they would ride together. Now as he sat next to his wife and Jim, he couldn't help but keep looking at the empty chair next to him. He thought he'd made it clear to him how important it was that he be there for Brian, for all of them. Kel certainly hadn't been at home as much as he wanted, but James could understand his wanting to stay up in the air. He had dearly wished that escape for himself as well. When Christopher arrived and took his seat alone, James then felt the first twinge of fear for Kel.
"Where is he?" James asked Chris in an urgent whisper. Chris didn't look worried at all.
"He'll be here in a few minutes," Chris responded. "He has something he needs to do first." Chris told himself he wasn't lying, was he?
The Chaplain cut off any further exchanges by beginning the opening invocation and prayer. When he was done, he nodded, and Chris nervously clicked the mike button on his radio three times. He was answered by a single click. Relieved, he placed his radio by the mike of the temporary sound system the university had provided for the service and placed a tape in the player attached to it.
"Brian? This is for you. I'll love you forever!" Kel's voice came over the scratchy radio. Chris pressed 'play' and stepped away.
James looked at Chris, his jaw hanging open. What could he say, he had no idea what was going on. His ears caught the familiar sound of his `toy' approaching. He felt his face go red. He had only allowed Kel to do aerobatics with at least two thousand feet of altitude. He looked like he was down to five hundred feet.
The trailing smoke came on, and Kel began the routine he had practiced until his nose bled (due to the blood that rushed to his head when he pulled twice his weight negative.) by zooming up into a near vertical climb as the plaintive opening to Garth Brook's "The Dance" started to echo from the P.A. He kept the maneuvers smooth and slow like the song. He would forever swear that he felt arms wrapped around him the whole time he performed his short routine. He felt closest to his brother the moment he was done and flew to join the others who were waiting for him. It was as if he could hear Brian's laughing voice, 'Way to go, runt!'
James watched his youngest son's tribute with admiration, and sadness that he hadn't seen Kel's need to do something like this. He pulled his family close and they watched in silence. James no longer fought back the tears he had reserved only for private moments. He'd needed to be the strength, the anchor, his family rested on during this time. He finally let go; his sons, all of them, had proven they were up to the worst challenges of life.
"Kel wanted to show Brian what he could do, to show his love," Chris whispered to James. "Don't be pissed at him. It was my idea."
James pulled Chris into their circle. "Kelvin, no, all of us, are so lucky to have you here as well. I could never be angry with what you and your old partner in crime do. Brian would have loved it! It was the most beautiful way Kelvin could have shown his love."
The rest of the service proceeded along the usual military script followed for members of the Corps of Cadets. James, his family, and the onlookers took it all in stride until the university trumpeter began the first strains of "Taps" and they heard the deep throaty roar of three two-thousand-horsepower radial engines.
"Oh, no." James didn't know if he would last through this. He and the crowd looked up to see the small white biplane leading the three big World War II fighters across the site in a classic tight `finger four' (The planes are arranged like the fingertips of the hand.) James recognized the planes and pilots instantly. He hadn't realized they had disappeared as well. The formation reminded him of his own family. The three fighters tucked protectively close to the little biplane. When they crossed the midpoint, Jack pulled his Thunderbolt up sharply and curved out of the formation.
James and his family would have collapsed at that moment if they hadn't been holding each other and Chris. As "Taps" ended, the formation continued on and out of sight, the space for the `Missing Man' never to be filled.
Sharon and Joel, along with the crowd, had held it well up to that point. Most had never seen that kind of display before but its meaning was unmistakable. She began pulling Joel and Kel's small group of friends around her. They all needed another group hug.
The two FAA officials looked at the aerial display. They had known James for years and had met his family a few times. "Well, do you want to get the kid, or should I?" one sighed, their sworn duty clear before them.
"Naw," the senior of the two drawled, wiping his eyes with his handkerchief, "I didn't see anything."
Kel lay under the wing of the biplane, the zipper of his green flight suit open to let in some of the afternoon air. Chris lay next to him, holding his hand; the rest of their small group were scattered around in the shade cast by the airframe above them. Kel was tuned to the slight creaks and pops, as it cooled, and barely listened to the casual reminiscing the others were occupied with.
He was mentally exhausted from the experience of his flight and the horde of people who had arrived at the hanger when his mom decided that their house was too small to host everybody who attended. He'd had to endure the endless sympathy and thanks of everybody there. She had sent Jim and a bus load of the Cadets to retrieve all the food that their neighbors had provided them with.
Kelvin smiled a little. He'd only come close to losing his temper once when that idiot from the local paper had pestered him until he made it clear to everybody who was near them that the day was to honor what his brother had done, and that what he and the other pilots had done paled in comparison. Jack had watched with approval and led the stupid reporter away.
He desperately wanted to be alone with Chris right then, but knew he was needed more at home. Chris would have to go to work in an hour anyway. So he resigned himself to returning to a house as packed with people as the hanger was now. His dad had insisted they take on the overflow of Brian's friends and classmates when the local motels had run out of space. He wouldn't think of letting them try to make the long ride back to school after the tiring day they'd had. The only empty room in their house tonight would be Brian's, and Kel knew he wouldn't be able to set foot in there yet.
Thank God', Kel thought, I've got a big room.' His mom told him the night before that he'd have four scattered around his floor tonight. That was going to be awkward to say the least. He didn't think the guys would know about him, but had no idea which of his friends Brian had told.
"I've got to get ready for work." Chris leaned over and placed his hand on Kel's stomach. "I'll see you Sunday if not sooner."
Kel suddenly hugged Chris and placed a kiss on his forehead, oblivious to the sharp intake of breath from the others and the sharp `Don't say a word!' look they received from Sharon. The light warning press of her elbow into Joel took care of him.
"I love you, Chris. Thank you for being there," Kel whispered into his ear. "I'll see you as soon as I can break away. Be careful." Kel blushed as he watched Chris leave. He'd forgotten for a moment that they weren't alone. "Sorry, guys."
"For what?" Sharon tried to soften her heated tone. "For being in love? Why should you be sorry for showing it?" She looked at Joel as Steve and Jenny, surprisingly, nodded in assent. "I think we're the ones who should be sorry if any one is."
"Would you all stay with me for a little while longer?" Kelvin glanced at each face in turn and then into the fading sun, letting the peace of the moment seep through him.
End of Part 7
Let me know what you think so far. Thanks. Willy B (haztech@msn.com)