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Late April Sophomore Year
"Wait, you're leavin' already??" Mike asked, shouting into my ear so I could hear him over the music at this lacrosse team party. "It's still so early though."
"Yeah," I shrugged. "But you should know better than to think that how long I stick around at your parties has anything to do with how much I value our friendship."
Mike laughed. "Well no shit. I figured that out a long time ago."
"And I'm not havin' a bad time here. I just gotta wake up and do a long run in the morning." I paused after I said that to scan across the crowded room until I spotted where my friend Swayta was also making the rounds of saying her goodbyes for the night. "Besides, Swayta just asked me to walk her home."
Mike smirked at me as soon as I mentioned that. "Okay, now I get it."
I elbowed Mike in his side to wipe that smirk off his face. "Calm down, you perv. She's just ready to call it a night too."
"Uh huh, sure," Mike grinned, undeterred. "I think tonight's finally gonna be the night for you two!!"
I rolled my eyes, hoping that would mask how I was cringing inwardly at having to evade this suggestion. "Dude, it doesn't mean shit what you think. It matters a whole lot more what she thinks."
"Yeah, for sure. But I'm just worried you're gonna burst one of these days. All you ever do anymore is hole up with your books." Mike's eyes darted back over to Swayta. She was watching us from across the room now too. "And for some baffling reason I think she's actually into your whole reclusive hermit vibe."
"Hold up," I said, waiting for Mike's eyes to return to me again. "I'm confused. Are you trying to encourage me or insult me?"
"80/20," he laughed.
"Well you're fulla shit either way," I grinned. "And didn't I tell you not to worry about me?"
"Okay, fine," he relented. "I'm not worried about you. I'm only worried about Swayta's terrible taste in guys if she's lookin' at you when I'm standing right here." Mike puffed up his chest a little. "And I'm just trying to remind you that you don't have to be so damn disciplined all the time. You should live a little every now and then too."
"I am," I smiled at him reassuringly. "By coming to your party tonight." And with that, I leaned in and gave Mike a quick bro hug goodbye. "Thanks again for throwin' this one."
"It's nice to see you actually have some fun for once," Mike replied. Then, after I started stepping away, he called out after me: "Hey, we're watchin' some NBA games tomorrow afternoon. You should come hang if you can tear yourself away from work. And bring Lyons too. He's been keepin' himself as scarce as you do these days."
"Thanks," I nodded back at him. "We'll come over if we can squeeze in a study break."
I found Swayta waiting for me near the door, and then we headed out together. As we walked the short distance across campus to her dorm, Swayta kept her arm linked with mine, but she stayed uncharacteristically quiet. The silence out on the quad was a stark contrast from the party's raucous jumble, and it gave me a chance to soak up the balmy air on what felt like the first warm evening after a long New England winter. Tonight was also the first time I'd seen Swayta in a skirt since the fall, and that only affirmed my buzzing sense that summer was finally coming.
I bid Swayta goodnight when we reached her dorm, but then I heard her call out from behind me as soon as I turned to walk over to mine.
"Hey, Max?"
"Yeah?" I turned back to find Swayta still hovering outside the door, her long, dark hair glowing like a crown around her head as it was backlit by the porchlight. She was biting on her lower lip when my eyes met hers, something I recognized as a nervous gesture that would show up in times she felt anxious.
"So I know the timing's terrible for this, but there's something I want to tell you..." she began.
"What's that?"
"I like you."
A heavy pit plummeted down to the bottom of my gut the moment I heard that and saw the hopeful smile tugging at the corners of Swayta's mouth.
Oh.
With Swayta just putting it out there like that, it was too blunt to tiptoe around it. I couldn't get away with playing oblivious, even though that'd become my go-to move for deflection whenever I detected interest from a girl now.
I exhaled slowly and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Well, you're right: the timing is terrible." I met Swayta's dark eyes with a sad smile. "It's almost summer, and then you're gonna be studying abroad all next year."
"But I'm here now," she pressed, taking a step closer to me. "And maybe this is the liquid courage talking, but I know I'd regret it if I never said anything to you. So I was wondering if maybe you'd want to come inside...?"
I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you."
But Swayta must've read something else in my expression when I said that.
"Ouch," she flinched at those two words. "Never mind!! Please forget all about this!"
"Hey," I squeezed her shoulder with the hand I'd left on it. "Don't be embarrassed. You're great. And I'm so fuckin' honored that you'd-..."
"...- So then why does it sound like you're about to follow that up with this huge `but'?"
I sighed and nodded. "You're right. There is a `but.'"
Swayta stepped away from me and covered her face in her hands. "I knew it," she mumbled into her fingers.
"And that `but' is about me," I clarified. "Not anything to do with you."
"Ughh," she groaned, dropping her hands away from her face to look at me again. Her cheeks were burning bright red. "And that sounds exactly like nice guy speak for `ewww, no.'"
"Not at all," I replied, wrinkling my brow in concern. "I'm just not wired to be a hookup kind of guy like Mike is `cause I always end up getting too attached. And so if I already know that it's not gonna go anywhere with someone...? Then that means that crossing over that line would be something that'll just fuck with my head."
"But who said this couldn't go somewhere?" Swayta asked, her expression brightening.
"Me," I replied bluntly, having learned from other conversations like this one over the course of this year that it was better not to leave any room for false hopes to grow. "I mean, it's almost summer now. And then you're gonna be studying abroad in Senegal both semesters next year, so it'll be over a year before we're in the same place again. This really isn't the time to start anything like that."
"You don't have to be so logical about this," she protested.
"No, I do," I sighed and looked down at my feet, concerned about how well I was walking the tightrope of the message I wanted Swayta to take from this. I didn't want to mislead her with false hope, but I also didn't want her to think that I didn't value her. Swayta had become a true friend over the last two years, so I decided the best approach might be to share something intimate with her now as a testament to that trust we'd developed.
"Look," I went on, looking back up at her. "Not many people know about this, and I don't like admitting it, but..."
"But what?"
"I had a scare with my grades last semester."
Swayta's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"
"They were tanking in all of my classes. My advisor called me in for this intervention about it and everything."
"Oh shit!" Swayta exclaimed under her breath.
"Yeah, Professor Knowles warned me that I'd really havta buckle down and focus on my studying to turn things around."
"So have you?"
"It took a knock to my pride and a shit ton of work, but, yeah, I have now," I replied, even though that omitted the much more truthful explanation for the turnaround. Getting things back on track with Pete was probably the single biggest reason my grades had rebounded. It was so much easier to study when my mind wasn't constantly preoccupied with worrying that I was fucking things up with him.
"Good," Swayta said with a relieved smile. "I'm just surprised. I never woulda guessed that you'd be having any trouble like that."
"Well I was," I shrugged. "And Knowles was right, too. It has taken me keeping my head down and avoiding other distractions to be able to pull out of it."
"So are you saying I'm just a distraction to you?"
"No, that's not what I meant. You're my friend. Sincerely. And that's so awesome and so appreciated. But what I'm getting at is that I already know that crossing anywhere beyond that with you is only gonna lead into a dead-end. And what that would do to my head would be a distraction that I couldn't handle with finals coming up right now."
"Oh," she replied, her eyes dropping down to her feet after I saw resignation beginning to creep into her expression.
"So even though this sounds like a fuckin' cliche, it's really not you. It's me."
Swayta snorted. "I've heard that one before."
"But it's the truth. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. I've just gotta be no fun here and stay away from anything that might pull my focus away from school `cause I can't fall back into that hole again." I paused and waited for Swayta to lift her eyes back up to meet mine. "I mean, shit, when I think about everything my parents did to get me here...? It'd be fuckin' weak if I just tried to wing it and hope that'll be enough to finish my degree. I owe my family way better than me just skatin' by, ya know?"
Swayta sighed. "Believe me, I do get that."
"I know you do," I nodded. "And that's one of the things I've always appreciated about you." And that was true. While Swayta wasn't the first in her family to go to college like I was, the weight of the expectations she felt from her immigrant parents about her future was one of the things we'd bonded over as we'd become better and better friends over the last two years.
Swayta was quiet for a few beats before she spoke again. "So I'm not gonna keep throwing myself at you and humiliate myself even more than I already have here. But if you're not going to take me up on that offer, I hope you'll at least take a piece of advice from me."
"What's that?"
"You shouldn't settle for just living up to your family's dreams for your life, Max. You need to have something of your own too- something that really is just for you. Otherwise, you're gonna burn yourself out eventually if the only things you're ever chasing after are what everyone else wants for you and never what you actually want."
I exhaled slowly and nodded my head to acknowledge that, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking `if you only knew the half of it...'
But Swayta didn't.
And she couldn't, not now anyway.
"Just like I said: you're great. And that's why I'm so stoked for you that you're getting to do your year abroad."
Swayta blushed. "Well, I'm embarrassed enough after this that a year away from here is sounding really awesome right about now."
"Hey," I said, pulling her into a hug. "There's no need for you to be embarrassed." Then I let her go and stepped back so I could meet her eyes once again. "I mean, remember how you've been talkin' about wanting to go abroad ever since we met?"
She nodded.
"So trust me, Senegal will be a way better adventure than anything you could ever do with me here. And if you don't believe me, just talk to any one of my exes. They'd all tell you that you're way better off."
Much to my relief, that last part got at least a half-hearted laugh out of Swayta.
I hugged her one more time, said goodnight, and then headed over to my dorm.
But as soon as I was out of Swayta's line of sight, my shoulders slumped and I finally released the tension that had been building in them all through this exchange. Thankfully, it was only another couple of minutes before I was back in the privacy of my dorm where I could let myself relax even further.
Our room was empty when I stepped inside it, so I figured Pete was still at the party the tennis team was throwing tonight for prospective students who'd been lucky enough to be admitted into next year's Freshman class. As team captain, Pete had to be there to answer their questions about the team and show them a good enough time to persuade them to pick this school over any other offers they might still be considering.
I felt sticky from the party at Mike's and keyed up after the conversation with Swayta, so I stripped off all of my clothes and headed into our small bathroom, hoping a shower would help me to unwind. I turned on the water and ducked under the spray when it got hot. And, slowly, the water beating down on my skin started to unknot more of the tension lingering in my body from how the night had ended.
As the air around me clouded with steam, I tried to quiet the nagging guilt I felt about my dishonesty with Swayta by closing my eyes and zoning out into the creeping weariness of a long day. One by one, I brushed aside my thoughts until it was only the warmth of the water washing over me that still registered in my mind.
Everything went mercifully quiet.
I was absent-mindedly soaping up my dick with the water cascading over my back when, suddenly, the jangling sound of the shower curtain sliding open behind me yanked me back into the present.
My eyes snapped open, and I spun around to find Pete standing there just outside the stall.
Pete was stark naked.
And already half-hard.
"You beat me," he grinned.
"Get in," I smiled back.
The dorm shower stall was tiny. There was just barely enough room for me in it, so our bodies were almost touching as soon as Pete stepped inside to join me.
And it wasn't just our lips or our chests or our hardening dicks that were almost touching...
It was everything.
Every part of our bodies was mere centimeters or less from pressing into each other, wet skin to wet skin, with the warm water from the shower washing down over us both.
Instinctively, I started leaning forward to kiss Pete, but he reached up and clapped one of his hands over my mouth to stop me. I whimpered into Pete's palm in protest. It was a muffled sound of confusion and impatience, but he just smirked at me while his deep hazel eyes locked onto mine.
"It was fucking torture seeing you at the gym this afternoon," Pete said.
Then he slid his hand lower, grabbed hold of my chin, and tilted it up until his lips were hovering over mine. They were just barely grazing them in a way that made my lips crackle with an ache to close that final bit of distance and kiss him.
"Torture??" I huffed, pushing my chin up against his restraining hand. "Torture was having to not be obvious about watchin' you do all those squats. You made me almost drop a dumbbell on my foot while I was lifting."
The corners of Pete's mouth crept up into a smile. He reached his hand that wasn't holding my chin up to my soapy chest and pushed me backwards until I collided with the cool tile of the wall behind me. "Torture was seeing you naked in the locker room showers without bein-..."
... But I couldn't stand it another second longer.
I reached up, threaded one of my hands through Pete's hair, and tugged his head forward until his lips crashed down onto mine mid-sentence. I wrapped my other arm around Pete's waist and pulled his body into me until I felt his hard, wet dick pressing into mine while my tongue pushed into his mouth and found his.
I kissed him. All hunger and no finesse. I just needed to fucking feel Pete.
Right now.
Pete was huffing and breathless by the time I relaxed my grip on him. He grinned at me when we broke away from that kiss. I grinned right back.
I slid my hand across Pete's hip to grip onto his wet dick. He closed his eyes and moaned softly in appreciation. But after a few seconds, I felt his hand leave my chest. He reached down between us, grabbed my wrist, and moved my hand away.
"No," he said, opening his eyes again.
"No?" I asked, pushing my aching hardon forward to rub into his.
Pete smirked at me again, a glint in his eyes. "I haven't been able to stop thinkin' about you ever since I saw you in the showers today, so..." He dropped his lips down and kissed a soft line across my neck from my collarbone up to my earlobe. Pete's muscled chest pressed against mine, pinning me back against the wall. "... So why rush it now that we're finally alone?"
"That's why..." I answered, dropping my eyes down towards Pete's long, thick dick when he leaned back enough to look at me. Pete was rock hard, his dick jutting out over his tightly muscled abs and straining towards my own.
And, God, my dick was already so fuckin' hard too. I could feel it bobbing heavy with each pulse of my racing heartbeat.
I pushed my hips forward again and watched the tip of my dick slide against Pete's, rubbing up against that sensitive spot where his head met his shaft. It was that exact spot on his dick where, just by looking at it now, I could practically hear the exact sound of how Pete would moan if I dropped down to my knees and teased it with my lips or with my tongue.
I felt Pete's hand slide up from my shoulder to grab the back of my head as my hardon made that contact with his. He jammed his mouth against mine, groaning into it as the feeling of our wet dicks sliding against each other jolted through him too. My hips bucked, pushing me against him, and I felt Pete's chest vibrating against mine while he continued to moan, pressing into me and smashing me back against the wall of the shower.
I reached down again, the backs of my fingers bumping across the topography of Pete's abs as my hand made its way back to his dick. But, again, he caught my wrist in his fingers before I could reach him.
"Not yet," he whispered, his mouth just barely hovering over my lips again.
"But I fuckin' want you," I groaned. "Now."
"But what's your hurry?" he asked, stepping back and smiling in amusement. "This is the second time I've caught you in the shower today. So now I think I should show you what I was wishing I could've done to you in the locker room..."
"And what's that?"
Pete just growled and pushed me back against the tile, a little rougher this time.
I grinned. "... And then what?"
Pete smirked, and a spark flashed through his hazel eyes again. Then he bent forward, caught one of my hard, pointed nipples between his lips, and nibbled down on it. I inhaled sharply, struggling to swallow down my urge to cry out when the electric jolt of Pete's tongue on my nipple ricocheted straight down to my pulsing hard dick.
Pete slid his hands up to my shoulders now, keeping me pinned against the wall while he stepped back from me. We were still only a scant inch apart, just far enough that our cocks slid apart and our bodies separated. Pete's hands gripped my shoulders, and he turned me around to face the wall away from him.
Then I felt Pete's hands press into the back of my neck, so I closed my eyes and sighed while his thumbs began to rub firm circles into the tight muscles of my shoulders. Pete started kissing my neck again too, the softness of his lips contrasting with the rough stubble of his chin scraping into my wet skin.
I groaned, leaning forward and bracing the palms of my hands against the wall to support my weight and keep me from collapsing into a puddle on the floor. Pete's hands and mouth felt so fucking good that my knees were going wobbly.
"You're so fucking hot," Pete murmured, fainter than a whisper. I couldn't tell if he even intended for me to hear that.
But, still, I could feel Pete's warm breath tickling across my skin as he spoke it. Somehow Pete was managing to do all this without any other part of him touching me besides his hands, even though I could sense him hovering right there behind me. His chest didn't brush my back, his legs didn't jostle against mine, and his hard dick didn't press into my ass.
But they almost did.
And somehow, that just made it feel all the more intense.
My brain was short-circuiting now. Thousands of distinct memories were flooding my senses with recollections of just how good each of those points of contact between my body and Pete's could feel, filling in the blanks of what was there behind me just barely beyond my reach.
But as I braced myself against the wall with my eyes closed, it was only Pete's hands and his mouth and those scratches of stubble from his chin that were actually tingling through my nerves right here in the present.
One of Pete's hands left my back, and then I felt it return with a smooth oval of the soap I'd long associated with Pete's scent. He began to rub it in slow circular motions over my skin, roaming across the terrain of my back. He took his time to lather me up, and a woody scent filled the shower as Pete's hand slid frictionless across my skin. It was oddly soothing. Nobody had ever washed me like this before, and I'd never really imagined how it might feel.
It felt really fucking good.
And as he went on, Pete's hands roamed over more of me, sliding up and down each of my sides. Then, one by one, he lifted my arms above my head, and I felt his fingers and the soap sliding into my pit while his mouth nuzzled at the side of my neck. He kissed my skin in between little muffled groans that told me just how turned on he was too. And those sounds of his only made my balls ache with a need for release that was getting harder and harder to ignore.
When Pete finished my arms, he lowered them down, guiding my palms to brace myself on the wall in front of me once again. I felt him shift away and step back. Even though I couldn't see Pete, I could tell where he was in the tiny stall without any contact at all between us. It was so fucking hard to hold myself back from spinning around and just attacking him, but I sensed that Pete needed to do this to play out something he'd fantasized about earlier. It seemed like he was slowly taking himself through a mental release that was just as important for him as the physical one he was edging us both towards.
Pete's hands took the soap and slid lower down my back, washing over the place where my spine dipped right above my ass. I knew in my head that he was getting closer, but my breath still caught raggedly in my throat as his hands slid down even further.
I groaned out- loudly- when Pete's hands finally cupped my ass.
"Shhh!" he whispered, his breath tickling into my ear again.
One of his hands was gently soaping up one cheek, and one was just caressing the other, rubbing into my wet skin while his fingers inched closer and closer towards my crack.
"Remember the sound in here carries over next door..." Pete whispered into my ear.
But staying quiet was so much easier said than done when another distinct sensory memory was flooding over me, reminding me of something else I really fucking wanted Pete to do.
Right fucking now.
But, still, Pete was unmoved by the low moans escaping my lips. They did absolutely nothing to speed him up. Pete seemed determined to take his time right now, torturing me for the second time today.
And, damn it, it was taking all my restraint and concentration not to moan even louder than I already was. I wanted to tell Pete just how good this felt, just how much I wanted him to-...
...- And then I finally felt Pete's fingers and that slick, oval bar of soap slipping between my cheeks.
I had to bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep myself from crying out loud. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to swallow down the urge to gasp, but the feelings radiating up through me were too fucking intense. I felt warm all over, and Pete's touch stoked a longing that got stronger and stronger the more he rubbed against me down there, the closer he got to my hole.
I inched my legs further apart to give him better access, my hips pushing back as I kept struggling to not make a noise, to not groan, to not tell Pete how fucking good this all felt.
And then, finally, one of Pete's fingers brushed against my hole, making that contact I so desperately wanted.
"Ffffffuuuicckk," I groaned out, unable to contain it this time.
... And that sound came out so much louder than I meant for it to be.
"Shhhh!!" Pete scolded me again. But his wet finger pressed even harder against my hole.
And just with that, my dick throbbed heavier. I could tell without even looking that I was leaking precum out of my slit already.
Pete's torture had me that fucking close.
Pete's finger wasn't even pushing inside me yet, but that hardly mattered. Every time he pressed against my hole, a thunderbolt ran up and down my spine, crackling through my head and into my aching dick at the exact same time.
But then, just as I was feeling myself teetering closer and closer to the edge of getting there, it was gone. Pete's hand slid away from my hole, and I whimpered in disappointment, unable to hold it in.
"Quiet," he whispered, leaning in so his mouth hovered over my ear again. My eyes popped open now, and my breath raced while I fought against the impulse to reach down and grab my own dick so I could just release myself from this boiling point.
If Pete had done anything other than whisper to me right then, I would've fucking lost it.
I was thisclose to blasting my load all over the shower wall in front of me, but Pete must've known that. He wasn't touching me anymore. All he did was stand back, waiting until my breathing slowed and I had myself back under control.
"Relax," he whispered.
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded silently back to Pete.
Pete's hands started rubbing my shoulders again, the soap now lost somewhere on the floor of the shower. I felt his lips touch my neck.
"Don't cum yet, okay?" He whispered.
I nodded again, closing my eyes. Pete's voice, pouring into my ear warm and deep, felt just as tantalizing as his hands roaming further down over my wet skin did.
"Can I wash your legs now?" he asked
I nodded in agreement. With my dick still throbbing and my balls still feeling like they'd explode if he so much as breathed on them, letting Pete wash my legs sounded like it would be a much needed reprieve if he wanted me to stay back from the edge.
But I should've known better.
There were so many parts of my body that I'd never thought about in a sexual way before and that no girl had ever bothered to explore with me either.
But not so with Pete.
Thoroughly, joyously, Pete had now mapped out every last inch of my body. He'd found each and every one of my spots, and then he pushed to discover exactly what he could do with them to turn me into babbling putty in his hands. Sure, I'd had more sexual experiences than Pete had, but it seemed like none of that even mattered. No one else had ever touched me or explored my body with the same kind of reverence and persistence that Pete did.
This was different from everything else.
So as Pete dropped down into a catcher's crouch behind me now, I remembered that even down there on my legs, he'd still know exactly where to go to keep me right on the edge.
Pete must've found the soap on the floor because I soon felt that same frictionless caress of his hands massaging me. His palms slid over the backs of my calves, gliding over my tight muscles, and then they carefully crept up that sensitive inner part of my thighs so slowly that I couldn't stop myself from moaning out loud again. I spread my legs wider, leaning forward and bracing myself for whatever he might do next.
"Max?" he whispered, his knees touching my legs just above my ankles as he crouched behind me. His hands slid further up my thighs, his fingers edging so close to my balls I could barely stand it. "You gotta stay quiet, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed, even though I knew it was a promise I couldn't keep. All the energy I had was channeled into stopping myself from grabbing Pete's hands and guiding them to where I needed him to be touching me. Staying quiet would take way more concentration than I could muster.
Pete leaned forward, and I felt his lips press a kiss onto one of the bare, wet cheeks of my ass.
"Fffffuuuccckk!" I moaned out- way, way too loudly this time- at the jolt of electricity that his kiss sent through my entire body and straight to my dick.
Pete sprung up to his feet behind me. His whole body crashed against mine and crushed me against the wall of the shower as he reached around and clapped a hand over my mouth again.
"You never listen, do you?" he chuckled. "I said you havta be quiet."
But I really, really couldn't take this anymore.
I spun around, grabbed Pete by the neck and kissed him. My tongue pushed deep into his mouth and tangled with his until it was Pete who was moaning loud enough to tip off the neighbors.
"Fuck..." I panted, pushing him backwards when I finally broke away from that kiss. "We gotta get out of here."
It looked like Pete was about to drop down to his knees in the shower in front of me, but I reached out and caught him by his shoulders and stopped him. "No."
"No?"
"I need you to fuck me."
We stumbled out of the shower, rushed through a haphazard job of toweling each other off, and then staggered in a tangle of limbs and wet skin out to Pete's bed.
When we crashed into it, Pete pushed me down onto my back. I landed with a thud, my legs spilling over the edge. Pete dropped down into a crouch on the floor between them, grabbed me by the hips, and tugged me forward until my ass was hanging over the edge of the bed too. Then he took hold of the base of my achingly hard dick and brought it to his lips.
Any restraint that Pete had put on himself in the shower was long gone out here.
He swallowed my dick, his lips relentlessly working their way down every inch of my shaft until they were buried in my pubes.
"MMMMMMffffff," I groaned out.
Pete's eyes snapped up and locked onto mine when I made that sound.
"MMMMhmmmm," he moaned, and I felt the hum in Pete's throat all around my dick.
It was too fucking much.
I had to bury my mouth in my elbow just to stop myself from calling out Pete's name loud enough for the whole fucking campus to hear it.
Pete pulled up. He lifted his mouth off my dick and then pushed my legs back with his hands until they were crunched up over my stomach.
"Fuck, Pete..." I groaned in anticipation.
Pete dove in. I had to bite down on my own bicep when I felt his tongue probing into my crack and licking its way down until he finally reached my hole.
"Peeettttee..." the word escaped, choked and muffled, into my arm.
I clamped my eyes shut when Pete's tongue started pressing into my hole.
My dick spasmed.
"FFFFFFffffffff," I cried out again into my own skin as Pete's tongue... as Pete's lips... as Pete's hands...
... Holy shit.
I was breathing even faster than I would when I'd run a race. Short, choking gasps for oxygen while I practically suffocated myself with my arm.
I needed air.
I flung my arm out away from my mouth and across the bed, crunching up to look down at Pete's face buried in my ass. I only just now realized that I'd had my other hand tangled through Pete's hair, pulling him in to go deeper and deeper with his tongue.
I released my grip on his head and labored for breath.
"Pete..." I huffed for oxygen.
But it didn't register.
He was too fucking engrossed.
The waves of electricity Pete's tongue was sending through my body as it worked over my hole were building an urgency I couldn't ignore.
I dropped my legs down the floor on either side of him, and that made Pete finally look back up at me.
He was dazed.
"Pete..." I panted. "Fuck me."
Pete lunged up into the bed as soon as I said that. His body crashed on top of me, and his lips found mine.
"Love... you..." he gasped between too-quick breaths when I broke away from that kiss just long enough to scoot us both back more solidly onto the bed. Then, inevitably, our lips found each other again.
When I heard one of Pete's hands groping around in the drawer next to the bed for that bottle of lube, his tongue grew sloppy in my mouth until he finally pulled away from me.
He leaned back, sitting up to fumble with the cap.
Pete towered over me while he did that, his muscled chest rising and falling rapidly with his breath and his thick dick pressed up against his abs. The sight of Pete from this angle only made me even more short of breath.
"What??" He asked, startled, when he finally got the bottle open and his eyes dropped back down to meet mine again.
"Fucking love you too," I said, reaching up and pulling him down to lie on top of me again.
Pete settled the weight of his body over me. His lips found mine, kissing me again and again before moving them down lower.
Over my neck...
My collarbone...
My chest...
My nipples...
My stomach...
My dick...
Pete took me into his mouth again. But this time, when my hips bucked forward to feed even more of my shaft into his mouth, I felt one of Pete's fingers pressing against my hole.
His finger felt slick with lube as he circled it over my hole. I watched Pete look upwards, his eyes locking with mine as he kept my dick buried in his mouth and started to press his finger inside me.
"Peeeettteee," I moaned, pushing down on his finger while he entered me.
My dick throbbed impossibly harder inside Pete's throat as he slid past that tight ring and inside of me.
Pete pulled his mouth off my dick, choking and gasping over a moan of his own.
His finger pushed deeper into my ass.
"Oh fuck, Max," he whispered before closing his eyes and taking my dick back inside his mouth, moaning around it.
I bit down on my lip and closed my eyes too.
The dueling shock waves emanating from my ass and from my dick crashed into each other and rippled out across my body.
Pete kept moaning as he fingered me, the sound muffled by my dick buried in his mouth.
But I needed more before...
I reached down and nudged Pete's mouth off of me.
"I... I can't. I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that."
Pete sat back on his heels between my outstretched legs, wiping his mouth dry with the back of his hand.
We took a few seconds to catch our breath, Pete towering over me again.
I found the bottle of lube in the chaos of the sheets around us and squeezed some out onto my fingers.
I grabbed Pete's dick and slicked it up, trying to be gentle with my touch. But Pete still pressed his eyes shut, sucked in his breath, and dug his fingers into the tops of his thighs in concentration as I touched his dick. I noticed the skin on his chest starting to flush a blotchy red.
"You good?" I asked.
Pete opened his eyes and grinned at me. "So fucking good."
I gave Pete a few more seconds before I started inching my ass down closer. The anticipation was fucking killing me.
Pete leaned forward. With one hand, he grabbed his dick and guided it into place against my hole. With the other, he clapped his palm over my mouth again.
My breath picked up, I nodded to him, and then...
Finally...
... All that anticipation became a consuming reality when Pete's dick started to push inside me.
It drowned out awareness of anything else.
It was only Pete and Pete's body and Pete's dick and just how he fucking good he could make me feel.
All my senses blurred together.
Pete's mouth crashed onto mine as he found his rhythm, his thick dick pumping into me and stretching my hole while little fragments of words and groans passed between us and we struggled for breath.
I threw one of my legs up over Pete's shoulder so his dick could go even deeper.
Pete turned his head, buried his mouth in the back of my knee, and groaned: "Oh my God, Max..."
Pete's balls were slapping against my ass now as he bottomed out with each thrust inside me, and...
... and, fuck...
I reached my hands up and grabbed onto the muscles of Pete's chest, digging my fingers into them.
Pete's dick was just too good. I couldn't hold back the inevitable much longer.
I crunched up, hugged Pete's body against mine, and then rolled us over so I was on top of him.
"Ffffuuuccckkkk, Pete..." I gasped as my ass rode down on Pete's dick from this new angle.
Pete was breathing heavy, that blotchy red flush spreading even deeper in the skin of his chest.
We were both sweating.
"Max, I'm gonna..." he panted.
I took that as my signal too.
I reached down and grabbed my dick that was bobbing heavy between us while I rode Pete, and tugged on it...
Once...
Twice...
... Three times was all it took before I finally boiled over.
My cum rocketed out of my dick, landing in thick streaks across Pete's neck, chest, and abs.
"UNNNgghhhhhhhhhh," he gasped while my ass spasmed around his dick with each shot.
Gasping too, I reached a hand down and scooped up some of my cum off of Pete's chest with my finger. I brought it to his lips and pushed it inside his mouth.
"MMMMMMMMhhhhhhhhh," Pete groaned onto my finger. His hands grabbed my hips, dug into them, and held me steady as he pushed his dick deep inside me. Pete's whole body spasmed.
He moaned against my finger lodged in his mouth.
Every muscle is Pete's body locked up underneath me as he shook with wave after wave of his release.
I could feel the warmth of his load flooding inside me.
"Fuck yes," I moaned.
I collapsed down onto Pete, smearing my load over both of us and holding him tight against me while his hips pushed his dick inside just the little bit deeper he could go with this angle.
We scrambled for breath in unison until the muscles in Pete's body finally relaxed underneath me.
Pete started to laugh softly.
It was a low rumble emanating from inside his chest and vibrating out against mine. It was a familiar and endearing reflex of Pete's that would often take over him after he came, almost like some kind of emotional aftershock to the physical release of us fucking.
I held Pete in my arms, keeping his still-hard dick buried inside me.
The pace of our breathing started to slow.
We kissed lazily.
Pete's strength eventually started to come back to him enough that his arms could hug me tighter against him. He nuzzled his cheek against mine, a soft gesture cut by his stubble scraping rough against my skin.
I started to wonder if the weight of my body on top of him was crushing Pete, so I moved to roll over. But Pete's arms flexed around me to hold me where I was.
"Unhunnh," he murmured into my shoulder.
"But you're about to pass out, babe," I whispered and kissed the top of his head. "It's okay."
"I'm not falling asleep. I'm just cozy," he protested, finally opening his eyes to meet mine. He smiled and pushed his hips up to slide his still-hard dick further into me. "You feel so good."
I kissed his cheek. "No, you feel so good."
Pete smiled even bigger, and then his arms released their hold on me. They stretched over his head, and he groped around for a pillow to tuck underneath it.
I sat back up and gingerly pulled myself off of Pete's dick. I could feel the warmth of his cum inside me even after I was off of him.
I rolled over in the bed and curled up by Pete's side. He fished around in the chaos of the sheets to find a pillow for me too, tucked it under my head, and then wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest.
"How was your team's party tonight?" I asked him.
"Fine," he yawned, even though he attempted to stifle it to keep up his charade that he wasn't already drifting off into the afterglow. "I think we'll have some good players in next year's class." Pete's eyes drooped closed while he said that, and he nestled his forehead against my neck. "How was Mike's party tonight?"
"Exactly what you'd expect."
"Did you have fun though?" he mumbled into my skin.
"Yeah, it was cool. But then something happened afterwards."
"What?" Pete asked, lifting his head now to look at me again.
"Swayta asked me to walk her back to her dorm. And when we got there, she told me she liked me and invited me inside."
I watched Pete's eyes open wider and then wander down across my naked torso still smeared with my drying cum as he processed that news. "Well, I can't say I blame her," he replied, finally looking back up at my face and seeming more alert now. "Were you tempted?"
I hugged Pete's body a little tighter against mine. "Maybe I would've been if this were happening in some terrible alternate universe where you didn't exist." I dropped my other hand down to Pete's side and started tracing light circles over his soft skin with my fingertips. "But I'm so fucking happy to be in this universe that's got you in it. All I wanted to do is come home to you."
Pete turned his head and planted a kiss on my shoulder. "I gotta respect Swayta for having the guts to actually say something to you though..." He paused and then laughed to himself in a dry chuff. "Fuck, I never did."
I frowned at that because it reminded me of a worry that was still nagging me about Swayta.
Pete caught that shift in my expression too, having learned by now how to read my moods even when I was quiet.
"What's wrong?" he asked, raising a brow in concern.
"I'm just wondering if maybe I did something that led her on or encouraged her somehow, even though I never meant to."
Pete thought about that for a few seconds before he responded. "No, I don't think so, at least not that I've ever seen you do. You've just been yourself around her." He traced a finger lightly across my collar bone and smiled at me. "And I know for a fact that it's absolutely possible to fall for you even without any hope that it's mutual."
I bent my head down and kissed Pete's cheek. "Okay, good point. When you put it that way, I guess I know that from experience with you too."
But this time, it was Pete who fell quiet for a minute after that.
"Gremlins?" I asked finally, studying Pete's expression to check if his mind was wandering off into some dark place.
"Nothing new," he exhaled slowly, looking like he was trying to drag his thoughts back into the present. Pete rubbed one of his legs against mine under the sheets, and the hair on his calf tickled my skin. "I just feel bad `cause I know how shitty that conversation probably felt for both of you."
"Yeah, but it's nothin' you haven't had to do a thousand times too. And at least this time I could point out that she's about to be gone for a whole year as a way out that hopefully isn't gonna bruise her self-confidence."
"But...?" Pete asked, testing to see if there was something more I was leaving out.
"Nothing new. Just the same shit we've already talked about before."
"Like how it seems like it'd be so much easier if you coulda just said to her `hey, I'm in love with someone else'?"
"Yeah, but that only seems easier though," I frowned. "`Cause then when I think it through to what would have to happen after that, nothing's actually easy about that way either."
"Because you'd have to follow it up with `please don't tell another soul about this'?"
"Exactly," I sighed. "And that would make it just like the jam I put Tom in after I told him. Maybe it'd feel good for me to finally get to say it, but it would be a dick move to burden one of our friends with keeping the secret for us. I don't want anyone else to have to watch their back about spilling the truth like you and I have to do all the time."
"Yeah," Pete agreed quietly.
"Hey," I said, nudging him with my arm he was resting in. "Stop it. I don't blame you for that."
"You sure?"
"Yes!" I said, emphatically. "Things are so fuckin' good between us. Keeping it to ourselves feels like a small price to pay."
"Agreed," Pete said, but his eyes had dropped away from mine. He was staring at a patch of drying cum on my chest while he thumbed absently at one of my nipples. It grew stiff under his touch.
"But that's just how the bargain goes for us," I continued after a shiver ran from that nipple across the rest of my body. "What would be the upside for anybody else if they had to keep this quiet for us too?"
Pete let go of my nipple and started drumming his fingers against my chest while he considered that for a few seconds. "I think we've got some friends who'd be genuinely happy for us if they knew that we're not just studying during all this time we're alone together..." Then Pete went quiet for a few beats as his fingers also fell still. "... Or, I wanna believe that there's some people who'd be happy for us, anyway."
"But...?" I pressed, sensing there was something he wasn't saying.
At that question, Pete just groaned. Then he pressed his eyes shut and burrowed himself deeper into my arms, leaving it to hang there in the silence.
"Hey," I said after a minute, running my thumb across the stubble on Pete's square jaw to nudge him to look at me again. "Talk to me."
Pete opened his eyes to meet mine, and an attempt at a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It didn't stick though.
"What is it?" I insisted.
"I don't know if this is maybe just some gremlin shit making me irrational again..." Pete began, but then he trailed off before he finished the thought.
I didn't interrupt him.
I'd learned I needed to give Pete space to find how to say what was on his mind in moments like this, so I simply waited. And, after another minute, he continued: "... And I haven't said anything about this to you before `cause I don't want to put any dumb ideas in your head and make you even more paranoid than we already havta be."
"Just say it," I said, rubbing soothing circles into his back with one of my hands. "It's okay."
Pete reached up to rub a hand over his face, and then he rested it on top of my chest when he finally spoke: "Okay, so you already know how scared I am of what my dad would do to you if he ever knew..."
"... And?" I probed since that really was nothing new.
"And along with that, I've been getting a lot more worried lately about what some people here might do if they ever knew about us too."
"Worried?" My brow wrinkled. "Why?"
"Because of fucking politics," Pete replied, shutting his eyes again as some tension pinched his brow. "People do weird shit you'd never expect from them otherwise when it comes to that."
"But what are you worried about someone here doing if they knew?"
Pete exhaled and then looked back up at me. "So I really need you to tell me if this is only in my head, but have you noticed people around here acting differently about my dad ever since that series came out?"
`That series' was a set of articles the Times had published earlier this spring profiling Pete's father. They chronicled how he'd become the Bush-Cheney White House's most powerful ally in congress and had been instrumental in paving the way not only for the war in Iraq but also for most of the administration's domestic agenda too. If you viewed this President favorably, it was a glowing case study for how one senator could get the rest of congress in lockstep with an administration. If you didn't, it was a damning indictment that squarely put a bullseye on Pete's father as the President's most effective partner. And awkwardly for Pete, the vast majority of students on this campus fell into that latter camp.
"No, I don't think that's just in your head," I replied, hugging Pete a little tighter. "And I don't think it's just those Times articles either. I hear people making `Senator Ken Doll' jokes all the time now too."
Recently, one popular late-night comedy show had been airing an ongoing series of segments lampooning Pete's dad. In them, they would replay audio of Fox News interviews where Senator Lyons was describing amorphous threats to `American freedom and values' in hyperbolic terms. But instead of the actual visuals from those interviews, they would show a Ken doll representing Pete's dad running around with its hair aflame in front of a green screen filled with apocalyptic imagery of darkness and explosions.
"Oh yeah," Pete snorted. "There's definitely that too. And then at my team's party tonight I could feel the whole vibe change with the new admits when they put two and two together and realized that `Lyons' means that Lyons. I had to hustle all night to prove to them that I'm not a complete asshole."
"Yeah, and I know that's awkward as fuck for you." I kissed Pete's cheek. "But what does this have to do with you getting more worried about people here finding out about us?"
Pete's eyes went downcast again. "It'd just be so tempting, right?"
"What would?"
"The fact that a famous homophobe like my dad has a kid who's gay. The irony's just too good for anyone who knew about it to keep it quiet forever. Shit, I bet it sounds like this big, cosmic joke to anybody who's not me. And because of that, I've been thinking that anyone who finds out probably won't be able to resist spilling it to somebody else eventually. And then that somebody would turn around and do the exact same thing... and then sooner or later it all ends up online."
"... And then you think it would get back to your dad?"
He nodded. "Gossip like this travels so fast. There'd be no stopping it once it's out there."
I threaded my fingers through Pete's hair and massaged them into his scalp as I thought about that. Pete closed his eyes and nuzzled his head against my hand.
"So I hate to say it, but I don't necessarily think that's paranoid," I replied. "There's so many people here who already think your dad's a hypocrite, so I can imagine that at least some of them would jump at the chance to spread something that just proves it."
Pete laughed under his breath again. "Okay, but that's not even the really paranoid part of what I've been thinking lately..."
"Then what is?"
Pete opened his eyes and twisted around in my arms so he was facing me more squarely now. "Something I learned from my parents is that knowing a secret someone doesn't want out in the open gives you leverage you can use to try to make that person do something you want."
"Like blackmail, you mean?"
Pete nodded, his face going solemn.
"So are you saying you think someone here would actually try to do that to us?"
"I know that might sound crazy, but I don't think I can completely rule it out as a possibility. And it's not even because I think anyone here has it out for us exactly. It's more like if someone knew our secret, they might want to use it to try to influence my dad."
"But would that even work though?" I asked, scrutinizing the seriousness that was now clouding Pete's expression.
"It might," Pete nodded. "Even if someday Dad did know about me, there's no way in hell he'd ever want his party or the press to find out. So that means he'd have motivation to cut some kind of deal with anyone who was threatening to leak it."
"But what would somebody want from your dad in that kind of deal?"
Pete snorted. "Maybe a cushy DC job. Or anything they might want to see happen in the senate, really."
"And so if it somehow came to that, you really think your dad would care that much about burying the truth about you?"
"I do. And it's not just `cause Dad would think of me as this terrible personal embarrassment for him. Having it out there in public really would put him into a bind politically too."
"What kind of bind?"
Pete sat up in the bed now, the covers falling down in a jumble around his naked, cum-streaked torso. "Like on one side, it'd be the party pressuring him to work even harder to push legislation that fucks over gay people because they'd want him to prove that he hasn't gone soft on `family values.'"
"But hasn't he been voting for all that shit already?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows now too.
"Yeah, but he'd be under the gun to take it even further." Pete sighed and covered one of my shoulders with his hand. "I mean, think about it. Poking at gay panic has been a big part of the party's playbook for winning the last few elections. So if the truth about me was out there, it would put this huge target on Dad's back to double down so no one could say he's gonna be a weak link on their strategy."
"Well, fuck," I muttered. "You really think he could go even lower than he already has on this shit?"
Pete's mouth sunk into a grim frown. "If he needed to do it to keep his leadership positions? Absolutely."
"Fuck," I repeated, sitting up fully in the bed now too as I thought about the articles I'd read lately detailing the impact of some of the anti-gay policies Pete's dad had already helped to pass.
"Yeah, exactly," Pete nodded. "And then at the exact same time, Dad would start getting slammed from the other side of things too."
"Like how?"
"I'm one hundred percent sure people would come out of the woodwork shouting my name to hound my dad to be the first one to stick his neck out and go against his party on gay rights since they'd think he suddenly has a personal stake in it." Pete dropped his eyes down to his lap and muttered under his breath. "As if that would ever happen."
"Really, never?" I asked, reaching out and nudging Pete's chin up to get him to look at me again. "Even if your dad did know about you?"
"I'm more likely to see a unicorn fly over campus shooting a rainbow out its ass than I am to ever see my dad actually do anything good like that." Pete swallowed over a lump in his throat before he continued: "Trust me, people have looked to me my whole life to be their angle into changing my dad's mind about all kinds of shit. But the joke's always on them `cause it never, ever works. And it's not like I haven't tried it too. I have, with lots of issues. But I've never been able to change Dad's mind about anything. He just doesn't listen to me, even though we are family."
Pete's shoulders slumped while he said that, so I started running my other hand over one of his thighs as he continued: "... But other people here don't know that, so they might think they could use our secret to try to get me- or him- to do something in exchange for keeping it quiet."
"So this is what you meant by `the really paranoid part'?"
"Yeah," Pete nodded. "And it fucking worries me because I know how my dad reacts whenever he's cornered. He always goes looking for a scapegoat to take it out on anytime he feels under pressure."
"... And you're worried that scapegoat would be me?" I completed the thought for Pete.
Pete looked down, covered the hand I had on his thigh with one of his, and squeezed it. "You'll always be the easy target as long as we're at this school that's so fucking hand in glove with him."
"Pete, I told you. I'm not scared of-..."
"...- But I am," he cut me off, looking back up at me with a stubborn glint in his eyes. "And I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself if some bullshit from my family kept you from graduating from here or messed up your future somehow."
Now I was quiet for a beat because I knew I wouldn't win an argument with Pete on this even though we had different opinions about how real that threat actually was. I turned over the hand Pete was holding so I could squeeze his back. "I know how scared you are about your dad. But you've never said you were this worried about other people here before now. So is it because all the extra attention on your dad lately has been getting to you?"
Pete exhaled slowly and nodded his head at that question.
"This isn't the first time I've felt like I'm under the microscope because of shit that he's doing and that I have no control over..." Pete replied, but then he paused there to take in a deep breath. I gripped his hand harder and waited for him to go on. "... But, yeah. It's been feeling a lot more intense this spring."
I wrapped my arms around Pete and pulled him into a hug after he admitted that. "I'm sorry," I whispered into his skin, wishing there was something more I could do as I felt the palpable tension in his body while he hugged me back.
"So whether it's paranoid or not..." Pete pulled back so he could look at me again as he spoke. "My point is I've been getting more and more convinced that it's gonna have to be all or nothing for us."
"Having people know about us, you mean?"
"Yeah," Pete nodded. "Either nobody knows, or we've gotta be ready for everyone to know. Any space in between that is where shit could get real fucked up for us."
I thought about that for a minute. "So I think you're probably right," I agreed, squeezing his hand again. "But how are you feeling about those being our only two options?"
Pete ran his other hand through his hair. "It fucking sucks that I have so little control over my own life and that you don't either, just by association. And I'm so sorry that it has to be this way."
"Pete, I told you. That's not your fault, so you don't have to apologize for it."
Pete shook his head dismissively. "But, God, I wish that our only two choices didn't have to be this extreme. I wish that I could just fucking trust the people around us so you could've had a more honest conversation with Swayta tonight if you'd wanted to. And I wish that being with me didn't mean that you have to sign up for all this extra baggage of maybe having our private shit end up online or in the press before you've even told your parents. I just ... I know how much all of this sucks for you."
Now, I fell quiet long enough after that for Pete to get concerned about what might be running through my mind.
"What?" he asked me, squeezing my hand tighter in his and looking alarmed.
"I want you to quit that shit," I replied.
"What shit?"
"Guilt tripping yourself about how you think I feel about having to keep this quiet because..." I let out a deep breath. "... Because what if there's a part of me that doesn't think it all sucks?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Yeah, I don't always like sneaking around, and I feel bad about havin' to tell half-truths to people all the time. But then at the same time, I ... I just really fuckin' love you, Pete. And, honestly, I don't feel like it's been that bad having it be just between you and me."
"Really?" Pete asked, his brow wrinkling skeptically.
"No," I shook my head. "And I don't want to completely sap out on you right now, but..." I squeezed his hand harder. "But I'm so fucking happy with how things are with us. And so I don't know if I actually want to step outside of this bubble we're in just yet when everything feels so great with you the way things are." I exhaled a long breath while Pete's hand gripped mine back. "Like I don't want to fuck with a good thing and jinx it, you know?"
"I do know," Pete smiled at me, starting to look a little more relaxed. "I mean, it's absolutely no joke when I've been telling you that these last few months have been the happiest I've ever felt."
I grinned at that. "I don't think that's a joke. At all. And that's exactly how good I've been feeling too." I leaned in, found Pete's lips with mine, and kissed him slowly.
My dick started to stir again at how great that felt.
Pete ran his fingers through my hair, and he held my forehead against his after that kiss. He sounded a little breathless when he spoke again too: "And that right there ... That's exactly why I've been worrying about this shit. I don't want anything to mess this up for us."
"Me neither."
Pete released me so he could lean back and meet my eyes again. "I mean, I think I could handle it if people here found out about me. But what does scare the shit out of me is that I know I couldn't handle it if something fucked things up with us."
I squeezed Pete's thigh again as I replied. "Pete, I'm really not worried about that."
"You're not?"
"No," I said, reaching up and pulling him in closer to me. "I may be dense and I may be slow, but I'm not dumb enough to ever walk away from anything that makes me feel this good. So even if something does happen someday to change shit around us, I already know for sure that giving up on us won't even be an option for me. It's really that simple."
Pete rolled his eyes at that, but he was smiling as he did. "God, you're so stubborn."
"Stubborn about how much I fucking love you? Absolutely." I grinned, leaning forward until my lips met Pete's again.
"And I love you too," Pete replied after we kissed. He moved his hand over to my dick, and it registered now that I was fully hard again.
"So what I'm saying is, if word ever does get out about us, I'll find a way to figure out whatever might come after that. But for right now, I feel like it took us so long to get here, so I'm okay with having this be just for us for a little while longer at least."
Pete smiled at me in relief when I said that, and then he closed the distance and kissed me again. His tongue pushed forward and met mine inside my mouth, and our kiss was long and deep this time. I reached down into Pete's lap with one of my hands and felt that Pete's dick was fully hard again too.
"So you're not disappointed that I feel that way?" I asked Pete when we broke for air.
"What, happy?"
"No, that I'm not, like, chompin' at the bit that we havta go shout from the rooftops why I'm so happy to everyone right now? Because I need you to know that it isn't because I'm ashamed of us."
"I do get that," Pete nodded, and I watched his eyes drop down to my lap. Pete leaned forward and kissed my neck just beneath my ear. I groaned softly at how good that felt as it tingled out across my skin. "And I get it because I know exactly what it looks like when someone's ashamed of me..." Pete continued as he reached down and grabbed my hard dick in one of his hands. "... And that's not at all how things ever feel with you."
I leaned forward to kiss Pete again, but he put up his other hand against my chest to stop me.
"... So I hear you," Pete went on, leveling his eyes with mine. "And I'm okay enjoying this time with just you and me right now too."
I nodded, but I also reached down to nudge Pete's other hand off of my hard dick for a moment. I wanted him to focus on what I was about to say: "So then will you quit looking for stuff to feel guilty about and listen to me when I tell you that I'm okay too? Because, seriously, I don't feel like any of that shit you can't control is ruining this for me."
"Yeah. But if that ever changes-..."
"...- If that ever changes, I'll tell you. And we'll figure it out. Together."
"Together..." Pete agreed as one of his hands fumbled around in the sheets surrounding us. He found the bottle of lube, opened it, and started spreading some of that slickness over my dick. Then he scooted closer to me in the bed until he was practically sitting in my lap. He grinned as he started stroking my lubed up dick and leaned forward to kiss me again. "... Because, trust me, you're not the only one here who's too fucking stubborn to give up on this."
To be continued.