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Late May Junior Year
"So how was your flight?" Pete asked me.
I couldn't help but laugh at the question though.
"You've asked me that twice already."
"Oh," Pete nodded as a shy smile tugged the corners of his mouth upwards. "Yeah."
Then Pete's eyes darted up ahead, checking to see if our cab driver was watching us through the rearview mirror while we crawled through Mexico City's traffic en route from the airport to Pete's dorm.
My gaze followed along with Pete's, confirming that the driver probably couldn't care less about whatever we were doing in the backseat.
I dropped my right hand down from my lap to rest it on the middle seat between us. Pete's hand followed, landing just a mere centimeter away from mine.
I felt a crackle of electricity spark across that tiniest gap between our hands. They were so close to brushing up against each other that it felt like that current could short-circuit my brain.
My dick throbbed.
I squirmed in my seat, trying and failing to find a position that would give my excruciatingly hard dick some more space inside the too-tight confines of my jeans.
Pete laughed out loud, probably guessing at my predicament. The flash I saw brightening his deep hazel eyes while he watched me struggle definitely wasn't helping matters.
"Look!" Pete said, still laughing and nodding his head towards the window over my opposite shoulder, gesturing out at the view of the city rolling past. "You're missing it."
"I am looking," I responded, my eyes locking steady onto Pete's and a smile stretching across my lips. "And I'm not missing a thing."
A nervous laugh gurgled out of Pete, and then he dryly swallowed something down in his throat.
I was transfixed by that sight. Visceral memories bombarded my senses with just how fucking good Pete's skin would feel under my lips and just how much I loved the sounds he would always make when I kissed him right there.
In that space on the middle seat between us, I felt Pete's pinky finger stretch forward and just lightly brush up against the edge of mine. And ...
... And oh fuuuuck.
... That rush of finally feeling Pete's warm skin on mine again really was all it took to short-circuit my brain after months and months of not getting to touch him.
My heartbeat pounded in my chest.
My breath began to race.
I arched my pinky finger up to meet Pete's touch, pressing it into that single point of contact we dared to allow ourselves.
My eyes hastily checked the rearview mirror again, affirming that the coast was still clear.
When they returned to Pete's face, I noticed that he was looking flushed now. But he was grinning over at me too, and I couldn't help but smirk at the confirmation that he was right there with me. Just like I wanted him to be.
"Fuck," I sighed- out loud this time, without even intending to. But I couldn't stop myself. My dick was doing pushups in my jeans with each beat of my heart as Pete kept slowly rubbing his pinky finger against mine.
Pete's infectious grin stretched even wider at that word that escaped me, and the flush on his face deepened. Then he closed his eyes, slowly released a pent-up breath of his own, and rested his head back against the seat behind him.
Pete's lips started moving. I had to tilt my head in closer to catch what he was saying in just barely a whisper:
"You're here... You're here..." Pete repeated, over and over, his breath picking up too.
I squirmed in my seat once again as my dick throbbed even more urgently inside the prison of my jeans.
"Uhhh," I tried to clear out the lump in my throat. "How much longer?"
Pete opened his eyes and smirked at me. "Not nearly as long as it's already been."
Then Pete slid his hand over until it was completely covering mine. He squeezed it tight in his, caution be damned.
I checked the rearview mirror one more time and then turned my hand over and intertwined my fingers with Pete's.
I squeezed his hand right back and realized I didn't give a fuck about what Pete had just said. The factual realities of time and distance were mere technicalities. The remainder of this cab ride was always going to feel like an absolute eternity.
When we finally did arrive, we raced each other up the stairs to Pete's room. I don't think my duffle bag had even hit the floor yet before Pete's lips were on mine. My knees buckled underneath me, and I was lost, instantly, in a kiss I'd imagined a million times over. If it weren't for Pete throwing me up against the door he'd slammed shut behind us, I probably would've collapsed down to the ground in a puddle alongside my bag.
But our tongues found each other. They wrestled and buzzed with a groan that was months in the making. Our hands fumbled at each other's clothes, and our legs jostled against each other as we both kicked off our shoes. It felt like treason to break from that kiss, but we had to so we could pull our shirts off over our heads. At least it gave me a chance to really look at Pete though: skin flushed, lips wet, eyes sparking, chest huffing, and just so, so fucking-...
...- Pete wrapped his arms around me and pulled our bodies back together before my overloaded senses could process any more of this moment. And when I finally felt the warmth of Pete's bare skin touching mine, something welled up in my chest. A fullness crowded my lungs, and I forgot how to breathe. Or maybe I was just smothering my face in Pete's neck. Either way, his fingers threaded through my hair, and my shoulders started to shake.
We staggered, clumsy and naked and clutching onto one another, until we collapsed into Pete's bed. I held Pete's body tight against mine, as if it could stop that shaking reverberating through my chest. Pete stroked my hair with one hand, and he held me closer with the other. My face was still burrowed in Pete's neck. My eyes were closed, and I let out a long breath that it felt like I'd been holding inside for way, way too long.
It abruptly occurred to me just how exhausted I was.
I'd been too amped up to sleep at all the night before. But it wasn't just that. It felt like I'd been racing towards this moment for months now, pushing and pushing and pushing just to get myself here.
With Pete. Fucking finally.
It overwhelmed me, and I drifted off, swallowed up in the comfort of just how good Pete felt wrapped around me.
I had no idea how long I slept.
It could've been hours or it could've been minutes. But I felt just like a depleted battery- drained completely down and needing to recharge before I could spark back to life.
It was my dick- still hard, still throbbing- that eventually woke me though.
As I came back to consciousness, my hips were stirring, instinctively mashing my throbbing dick against Pete's equally hard one.
Pete mumbled something into my shoulder, his breath grazing hot over my skin. I craned my head up ever so slightly to check if he was awake too.
"I can't believe I fell asle-..." I started to say.
But Pete's lips crashed over mine and muffled out the rest of the word before I could complete the thought.
Pete kissed me, ravenous this time.
The floodgates flew open.
We fucked.
It was quick and frenzied. Explosive with all the pent up lust that burst in that moment I felt Pete's legs falling open underneath me.
And I already knew, by now, that with Pete I could count on something I'd built up for so long in my head being even better in reality. But what I didn't quite know yet was just how fucking overwhelming something that felt this great would be after months and months of absence and anticipation.
All my senses ran together as soon as I was inside Pete. And when I blasted myself deep into him, it felt like my dick might have literally exploded into a thousand pieces.
After, Pete's endearing laughter was contagious, and I felt myself laughing along with him in the dumb relief of it all.
I lifted myself up into a pushup position over Pete so he could breathe without me crushing him. His cum was painted thick over both our stomachs, but I saw that Pete was still hard, just like I was.
I rolled over onto my back, and tugged Pete on top of me.
"Fuck me too," I said, reaching for Pete's dick and lining it up with my entrance as I lifted my hips.
Pete grinned, throwing my legs up over his shoulders. He kissed me, and my mouth smothered the guttural moan he let out as his dick slid inside me.
We were slower this time, hanging on to it and to each other for as long as we possibly could.
And even though I'd just crashed into sleep when I got here, the release from the second load of cum that Pete fucked out of me nearly wiped me out all over again.
Still buried inside me, Pete was too breathless this time to laugh like he normally would after he came. He just rested collapsed on top of me, laboring for breath. My fingertips traced soft circles over the solid muscles of his back, and I forced myself to open my eyes so I wouldn't just pass out again. I didn't want to miss out on another moment of this.
My gaze wandered across the small room, bits and pieces of it already seeming familiar from the glimpses I'd seen over Pete's shoulder during all the times we'd talked this semester. On the opposite wall by his small desk, my eyes came to rest on the running countdown I knew Pete had maintained to keep track of the days remaining until I could be here. On today's date, there was no number. It was just a giant exclamation point.
I leaned my head down and kissed the top of Pete's head.
He mumbled into my chest, a sound rather than a word, and he tightened his arms around me.
Then my eyes drifted over to Pete's desk, and I noticed there was a framed picture on it. It was angled to be facing over towards us where we lay still tangled together in his bed.
I recognized the picture immediately.
Tom had taken it on our trip up to Montana last summer. It was a picture of me and Pete perched together on the summit of the mountain we'd climbed on our backpacking adventure. Pete's muscular arm was slung around my shoulders, and he was grinning- a real, genuine, unselfconscious Pete grin. I was laughing at something funny he'd said. And we both looked...
Well...
... We both looked so fucking happy that my stomach did a flip every time I'd looked at that picture of us.
And now, here it was. Sitting out on Pete's desk right there in the open where anyone could walk in and see it.
We never could've done something like that back at our school, so my breath caught in my throat at how monumental it felt to see that picture sitting right there.
And, actually, maybe my breathing did stop for a beat because it was then that Pete finally lifted himself off of me. I caught a quizzical look wrinkling his brow before his gaze followed mine and he broke into a smile.
"I fucking love that picture," he said quietly, curling up on his side to face it. He reached for me, pulling my arm over his chest as I settled in behind him.
"Me too," I agreed. I bent my lips down and kissed Pete's shoulder as I spooned him.
I closed my eyes and held onto Pete.
Again, I lost track of how much time passed with us just cuddled together like that. But it was long enough for Pete's dick to have grown fully hard again by the time my hands drifted down across the grid of muscle in his torso. I smiled as I took hold of his hardon again, and my hips pushed my own against Pete's ass.
"We're gonna be late, aren't we?" I laughed.
"Oh no," Pete replied. But his dry tone and the way he pushed his ass back so my dick nestled in even deeper made those two words sound completely unconvincing.
Pete was smiling too when he twisted his head back so his lips could find mine again.
After I kissed Pete slowly, I nuzzled my face into his neck and feathered light kisses over the little goosebumps my lips felt on his skin.
Pete exhaled deeply before he spoke again:
"I did promise Eddie we'd go to his performance tonight though," he said, spinning around in my arms so we were facing each other. "It's kinda like the whole point of his semester here," he explained.
Then the corners of Pete's mouth twitched up into that playful smirk I fuckin' loved so much before he continued: "... And I'm not gonna let you trick me into forgetting how you swore you wouldn't chicken out on tonight too."
"First of all, I'm not chickening out," I protested, running my hands down Pete's back until I was grabbing onto his muscular ass and pulling him into me even closer. "Maybe I just suddenly have better ideas about things we can do here than goin' out to some gay bar."
My fingers crept their way towards the edge of Pete's crack, teasing him as I spoke. Pete groaned out loud: "You're gonna break me this week, aren't you?"
"Gotta make up for lost time," I smiled, not relinquishing my grip on him.
"And we will. I promise," Pete said, tilting his head up and kissing me. "But we've only got a few days here before we head out to the beach, and we shouldn't waste your chance for everything else we can do in the city."
"Fine," I sighed heavily and finally relaxed my hands on Pete's ass. "But I can't promise that I'm gonna be able to behave out there."
"I really hope you won't," Pete grinned, sitting up in the bed now. His hand dropped down and stroked the patch of hair that was growing in a little bit thicker now between my pecs. "`Cause I don't think I can behave after so long either."
We were much, much slower at getting dressed than we'd been in peeling the clothes off each other earlier, but we eventually got ourselves decent enough to head out for the evening.
Our first stop was a theater a short walk away that was hosting a showcase for dance student performances that culminated their semester's work with faculty choreographers. We made it there just barely before the curtain rose on the first performance, so we ended up in a couple of the last remaining seats towards the back of the nearly-full theater.
I'm sure the first few of the performances were good. Based on the bursts of applause they elicited from the audience, they must have been. But in truth, I stopped paying attention to what was happening up on stage as soon as Pete placed his hand on my leg just above my knee a couple of minutes into the first performance.
And, at first, having Pete touching me like that in such a public place pulled my focus away because of the hard-wired internal alarms it sent blasting off inside me: My heart raced, and I immediately started scanning around us to check for the threat of who could see what we were doing.
But there was no threat here.
We were just two more people in a crowd that cared way more about what was happening up on stage than whatever we might be doing in our seats.
I looked over at Pete, and he flashed me a conspiratory smile. He slid his hand another inch up my thigh closer to where my dick was getting fully hard once again.
I finally relaxed and pushed my leg ever so slightly upward into Pete's hand, and he winked at me.
That did it.
There was no way in hell I could focus on any of the dances happening in front of us. All I could think about now was potential excuses I could use to convince Pete to abandon our plans to go out to a bar with Eddie after this so we could go straight back to Pete's dorm room instead.
It took Pete digging his fingers into my thigh and leaning over to whisper into my ear "Last one. This is Eddie!" to finally pull my attention back up to the stage.
Pete smiled at me and leaned forward in his seat as the lights dimmed and the music for Eddie's performance began.
At first, the music sounded a lot like a traditional mariachi ballad. A man was singing backed with a full accompaniment, and the lyrics were a sad lament about how he felt like his woman's love for him was fading. When the lights came up on stage after a few bars, they revealed Eddie decked out in typical charro dress with a female partner costumed in a decidedly more modern pair of jeans and a simple tank top. Their initial movements were stiff, stilted, and as traditional as the song they were dancing to. But, gradually, the music started to shift and so did their dance along with it. One by one, the trumpets and the violins and the guitarron all faded away, leaving just the unaccompanied voice of the singer on the track. And step by step, a distance grew between Eddie and his partner.
With the widening space between them, her movements became more expansive and more lyrical. They were fluid, graceful, and completely out of sync with the more traditional steps that Eddie was still performing. But eventually, Eddie's character caught on to the growing space and the difference between them, and he began to mirror her movements. By that point, they were both leaping and bounding acrobatically across the full space of the stage- her chasing a light that shifted and remained perpetually out of reach, and Eddie always following a step further behind.
Then, just as the singer's voice reached its last crescendo, Eddie reached up and caught his partner in his arms right when she was about to soar over him in one of her leaps. Eddie held her lifted over his head for a few seconds as the singer's voice broke with emotion, and then he slowly brought her down to her feet to face him again. The two dancers stared into each other's eyes as the song went completely quiet for a couple of beats. Eddie reached out in front of him to try to embrace his partner. But as the singer's voice returned to belt out a few final haunting notes to the song, she slipped away out of Eddie's reach once again before the music faded away. A loaded silence rang across the theater, Eddie dropped to his knees, and the stage lights went dim.
All around us, the audience erupted into thunderous applause.
And as the house lights came up and Pete and I rose to our feet to join in, I felt two things deep in my gut.
One: I'd never seen a dance performance anywhere close to this good before.
And, two: Pete was definitely right. Eddie was not busted looking.
Eddie was beaming as he embraced his partner and waved gratefully at the crowd. It seemed like Eddie's smile was even brighter than the stage lights, so it completely lit up the chiseled features on his handsome face. And as Eddie bowed, panting for breath, he loosened up his jacket, revealing just the tiniest flash of the athletic build it had to take to pull off the acrobatic demands of that performance.
Pete was still whistling and clapping when he looked over at me, noticing something in my expression that prompted him to raise an eyebrow with an unspoken question.
"`Not busted looking, huh'?" I leaned over and spoke into his ear.
Pete laughed and held up his hands: "I tried to tell you."
I just smiled in return as I kept clapping along with the crowd.
Pete leaned over again: "Come on, Eddie said to meet him back by the stage door."
We made our way through the exiting crowd to a small corridor off the theater's lobby. We spotted Eddie there already changed into his street clothes and talking with a few people I recognized from some of the night's other performances.
"Eddie!!!" Pete bellowed out while we were still a few steps away.
Eddie looked up, spotted us, and his face lit up with that same beaming smile I'd seen on stage.
As we reached him, Pete swept Eddie up into an enthusiastic bear hug and exclaimed: "Dude, that was so awesome!! I told you you'd nail that lift."
"Oh my God, I'm so relieved," Eddie replied as Pete released him and took a step back so he wasn't blocking me.
"Hey, this is-..." Pete started to say as I reached out my hand towards Eddie along with Pete's introduction.
But Eddie laughed at the formality of the gesture and cut him off: "...- El novio!"
Eddie brushed aside my outstretched hand and hugged me instead. And as he did, my stomach did a little flip at hearing him call me that.
I'd never met anyone who knew me as Pete's boyfriend before.
"Finally," Eddie said, his hug lingering a few seconds longer than any of the no-homo bro hugs I was used to from other guy friends.
"Seriously, you were so good in that performance," I smiled at Eddie when he stepped back.
Eddie grinned at both of us. "We're still goin' out tonight, right? I wanna celebrate."
"Of course," Pete responded. "You ready to head out, or do you need to stop by the dorm first?"
"Nah," Eddie shook his head. "I'm ready."
Pete looked over at me, and then he reached and undid the top button to my shirt: "And now we're ready too," he pronounced.
I felt a heated flush bloom over my face, and I quickly lifted up my hands to redo my button.
Pete laughed and swatted my hands away though.
"Leave it," he protested. "We're goin' out to a bar, not to church. Doesn't hurt to loosen up a bit, right?"
I noticed a spark flashing across Eddie's dark brown eyes as they lingered for a second on the skin exposed on my chest now. "Definitely," he agreed.
"And remember, you said no chickening out," Pete reminded me before we started making our way outside.
We took the subway over to Zona Rosa. Pete and Eddie excitedly pointed out to me things they liked about their neighborhood in the city along the way to the station where we caught the train. When it arrived, Pete and I found two seats together, and Eddie stood in the aisle in front of us, blocking us from all the other passengers' view. I couldn't quite tell if that was by intentional design on Eddie's part, but it did have the bonus effect of allowing us to sit closer together than we'd ever dare to back home. In fact, Pete pressed his leg into mine and kept grinning at me just as soon as the train departed the station.
Distantly, I kept up with Eddie and Pete's conversation describing the gay bar they'd decided to take me to tonight enough to be able to respond whenever they would ask me something. But that really wasn't where I was focused. No, I was thinking way more about just how mind-blowing it was to get to be casually touching Pete like this out in the open.
Pete nudged his leg harder against mine, and he smirked knowingly at me when he eventually picked up on my distraction.
But, fuck it, two could play that game.
I placed my hand on Pete's knee and squeezed it, smirking back at him.
Pete squirmed in his seat after I did that, and his contributions to the conversation abruptly fell off. I squeezed Pete's knee again and then redirected it by asking Eddie to tell me about where he was from in California's Imperial Valley.
Eddie humored me for a bit. But apparently he was no fool because it didn't take long for him to call us out:
"You're quiet all of a sudden," Eddie said, nodding his head towards Pete.
"I'm just happy," Pete replied, flashing a sheepish smile at me.
I caught Eddie smirking at us, and then Pete just laughed out loud.
"What?" I asked, wondering if there was some inside joke between them that was flying over my head.
"You know they say to watch out for the quiet ones, don't you?" Eddie asked, looking at me.
"And why's that?" I still wasn't following.
"`Cause they're always just there silently brimming full of dirty thoughts," Eddie explained.
Pete just grinned at that and pushed his knee up into my hand before he replied: "And maybe they're right."
I burned bright red at Pete's reply, but it was right then that the train pulled into the station where we had to get off.
Pete and I trailed a few steps behind Eddie as we exited to the street and made our way to the bar.
I could feel some nerves starting to set in now as we reached the threshold of this brand new experience for me. It reminded me of the mix of adrenaline and butterflies I would sometimes get as I'd step up to the starting line of a race.
But I was so fucking glad Pete was here with me though.
When we reached the fairly nondescript entrance to the bar they'd picked out, Eddie looked back and must have been able to read the shift in my mood written on my face:
"Animo," he smiled encouragingly. "This is gonna be fun!"
By my side, I felt Pete's hand find mine, and he held it tight in his as we stepped inside.
And...
... And, really, on first impression it looked just like any other bar on the inside- albeit one that had an already packed dance floor in the middle of it.
As I took a beat and my eyes adjusted to the flashing lights and the pulsing music, though, something did occur to me:
"Whoa, there's no girls in here."
Pete and Eddie had both been studying my face for clues to my initial reaction to being in here, and now they busted out into laughter at my observation.
"Okay," I laughed too, relaxing a bit. "I heard how dumb that probably sounded just as soon as I said it."
Pete squeezed my hand that he still held in his reassuringly. "I remember thinking the same thing my first time too."
We picked our way through the crowd to an open spot on the dance floor. Eddie took to it like a fish to water, but Pete's eyes found mine and he flashed me a half-smile of hesitation.
"What?" I grinned, starting to dance a little in front of him. "Don't be scared now. I've been dying to finally see these moves of yours."
Pete groaned, ran his fingers through his hair, and then slowly, haltingly started to dance too. And it was...
Well.
... It was miles from the actual beat of the music and consisted mostly of an inelegant head bob and uncoordinated shoulder sway. But in the flashing lights it hardly mattered. All I could really see was the smile, shy at first, that started to creep across Pete's face.
"Oh my God," I grinned, reaching out and pulling Pete close enough to hear me over the music. "You're such a dork."
Pete grinned right back at me, unbothered, as my arms settled around his waist.
"... And I fuckin' love it," I leaned in and whispered into Pete's ear.
By our side, I could hear Eddie laughing now.
"What?" Pete asked him.
"I give up," Eddie replied, nudging Pete to dance closer to me as he edged backward slightly to give us some more space.
Then Eddie leaned over and spoke into my ear so I could hear him:
"I tried, but he's unteachable."
"I'll see what I can do," I laughed in reply as I danced along with Pete.
And even though I never quite succeeded in leading Pete's hips to the beat of the music, we fell into our own rhythm.
And, fuck, it felt so good.
Just to be with Pete again.
Everything else faded away into the periphery, so it hardly mattered where we were.
Several more songs played before we noticed that we'd completely lost track of Eddie. And it took a minute, but Pete eventually spotted him a few yards away. He was dancing with a tall, muscled guy who looked like he was probably at least a few years older than us.
"Typical Eddie," Pete laughed after I spotted them too.
"Hey," I said, my full attention returning back to Pete. I had my arms around his waist as we danced, and I pulled him in closer.
Here we were, dancing together in a room full of people.
And no one cared.
Fucking amazing.
I came to a stop, but I didn't let go of Pete.
He smiled at me, more gorgeous than ever. And then he leaned in and kissed me.
Right there.
Out in the open where anyone could see.
It knocked the wind out of me.
But, somehow, I still managed to match that grin I saw on Pete's face after that kiss.
"Hey," I repeated.
It was only one word.
But it sounded like one of the absolute dumbest and happiest things I'd ever said in my life.
"Hey," Pete replied, still grinning right back. His arms tightened around my waist and pulled me in closer to him.
We just held onto each other. My legs felt wobbly all of a sudden. But Pete, his presence, was there to hold me up.
"I know, right?" Pete spoke into my ear.
"Fuckin' right," I agreed
I closed my eyes, savoring just how good Pete felt in my arms as I thought about all the millions of times I'd wished I could've done something like this with him before.
We started dancing again, slowly in the middle of the crowd.
Just there.
Together.
"I love you," Pete whispered into my ear.
"Te amo," I replied.
We lost track of where we were, probably for a lot longer this time. But, eventually, it occurred to me that Eddie had been gone for a while now.
"Did you see where Eddie went?" I asked Pete during a transition between songs.
"No," Pete shook his head, scanning the crowd around us to make sure. "Maybe he's with that guy somewhere?"
We both looked around some more, but the dance floor had gotten more packed, making it even harder to spot him.
"Eddie wouldn't have left without telling us though," Pete whispered into my ear after our search came up empty.
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Pete nodded. "We always make sure we get home safe, so he'd check in with me first if he was gonna leave with someone."
"I gotta pee, so I can go check if he's back by the bathroom somewhere."
"Okay," Pete agreed. "I'll check if he's by the bar and get us some drinks too."
Before we split up, Pete kissed me again, and my lips were buzzing from the sensation of it as I made my way to the bathroom.
Eddie wasn't anywhere to be found on the way there, but I did notice a couple of guys heading out through a back door when I left the bathroom. I followed them, wondering if maybe Eddie had stepped outside.
And, turns out he was there.
I spotted Eddie sitting on the ground by himself just outside the bar's back door. He had his back up against the wall with his head resting against it, and his eyes were pressed closed.
"Hey, Eddie," I called out, trying not to startle him. "Are you okay?"
Eddie's dark brown eyes snapped open to look up at me, and he nodded his head slowly.
Something seemed off with him though. His cheeks were all puffed out like a chipmunk, and I noticed now that his breathing was really labored.
"You sure?" I asked.
Eddie lifted up one of his hands as he sucked in a deep breath, and I noticed now that he was holding an asthma inhaler.
"Oh shit!" I crouched down on the ground to join him. "What can I do?"
"Talk to me," Eddie wheezed out slowly. "Distractions help."
"Oh, uhhh," I stammered at suddenly being put on the spot to come up with something to say. So, I blurted out the very first thing that popped into my head: "Thanks for being Pete's friend."
Eddie's eyebrows arched up sharply at that, and he looked at me like I had a third eye as he took another hit off his inhaler. He couldn't speak, but Eddie's expression made it pretty clear that I'd stupidly fumbled into something that sounded pretty fucking weird to say.
"Shit, that came out wrong," I backpedaled quickly. "I didn't mean to make it sound like being Pete's friend is some kind of community service."
Eddie huffed a few short breaths before he could get out a response: "It's fun."
"I know," I agreed. "And I'm just glad Pete finally got the chance to be friends with someone who's like him."
"En serio??" Eddie laughed incredulously at that. But then it quickly devolved into a ragged cough before he could elaborate further. "I'm not like Pete."
I cringed now, realizing that I'd just put my foot in my mouth for a second time in as many minutes. "I just meant that you're both gay," I explained hollowly.
"But that doesn't mean we're the same."
"And I know that," I conceded, feeling my face still grimacing at how I was fucking up this conversation and probably Eddie's first impression of me along with it. "I didn't mean to..." I trailed off, uncertain how to finish the thought. "Are you alright?"
Eddie took in a deep breath, held it, and then nodded.
"I'm just nervous to talk to you," I blurted, finally admitting the truth.
Eddie raised an eyebrow at that as he let go of the breath he'd been holding in his chest. "Why?"
"Because I've never gotten to talk to anyone else who Pete actually feels close to," I explained. "And so I've never even had to look someone in the eye who knows all about how fucking messy I've made things with him."
"I wouldn't call you guys messy."
I snorted in disbelief at that. "I hurt the dude into fucking poetry. It's kinda hard not to think that there's shit I shoulda done differently."
"But that's all between you and Pete though. And you've worked through it where it matters- with him."
I nodded as I felt the tension I'd been holding in my shoulders starting to ease slightly. "I guess I'm just nervous about meeting you `cause I want to make a good impression. I know you're important to Pete, and he actually cares about what you think."
Eddie's eyes held mine for a beat as he considered his response. Then his mouth softened into a smile. "Look, Pete talks about you. All the time, actually. But you can chill. He's never said anything bad about you or your relationship."
"No?"
Eddie laughed. It came out a little less ragged this time too. "Like it would be kind of annoying if he weren't always so damn sincere about it."
"Yeah, but he must have told you about how shit hasn't always been easy between us."
Eddie shrugged that aside. "He's mentioned some things that were probably rough at the time. And, like, I'm sorry if this is overstepping, but it's always sounded like just a bunch of closeted bullshit to me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm like ninety-nine percent sure you guys wouldn't have ever had any of the problems he's told me about if either one of you had a friend who you actually talked to about what was going on between you."
"Really?" I wrinkled my brow skeptically.
"Yeah, really," Eddie smiled. "'Cause as soon as Pete lets himself talk about you, there's nothing subtle about it. So anyone with half a brain coulda pointed out to him that of course you love each other and would want to work out any kind of shit you're going through. I think you guys have just been missing someone who can knock some sense into you when you're being too fucking dramatic."
I considered that silently for a few moments as I thought back to the whole `friends with benefits' debacle we'd gone through last year. "Well I guess I wouldn't really know how much that could've helped during some of our rough patches. I've never had a friend to talk to about stuff that's going on with me and Pete either. Minus my brother, that is."
"Tom, right?"
I nodded.
"Pete's told me about him."
"And I'm lucky with my brother being so cool," I smiled. "But he goes to school in the bay area too. And he is my brother, so it's not like I give him the blow by blow of all the sketchy stuff, you know?
Eddie laughed. "Yeah, I've got straight brothers too."
"And how much do you talk to them about...?" I nodded my head back in the direction of the bar behind us.
"Not at all, basically," Eddie admitted.
I nodded. We both fell quiet for a beat before Eddie spoke again. But I noticed he wasn't wheezing nearly as much anymore. Maybe the distraction was helping him out after all.
"Look, you don't need to be nervous about shit," Eddie went on. "All I care about is that you're treating my friend well. And, honestly, the worst thing that Pete has ever said about you is that you feel like you have to be perfect at everything."
"Well," I snorted. "He's not really wrong about that. It's an old habit of mine that dies hard."
Eddie looked thoughtful. "Maybe. But even that I take with a grain of salt."
"You do?"
"I don't think Pete really gets how it can be for guys who look like you and me," Eddie said evenly, his dark brown eyes locking with mine for a second. "Like what does Pete really know about how guys like us have to be twice as good at everything just to get half as much respect? We kinda have to be perfect to even get taken seriously."
I snorted under my breath again. "Yeah, I guess."
"So, yeah, the way that Pete talks about you...?" Eddie's mouth crept back into a smile as he sat up a little bit. "It always made you sound like you were too good to be true, to be honest."
"What do you mean?"
Eddie laughed again. "He basically describes you like the big, gay rainbow ends in a pot of gold right at your balls."
I felt myself turn bright red at that. And Eddie laughed even harder now- a genuine, if ragged laugh- at my obvious embarrassment before he went on:
"... Dude, Pete's always been so sappy about you that it made me wonder if maybe he was just fooling himself. So meeting you, and actually seeing you together now...? I'm just relieved to see that maybe he's not completely delusional `cause I really do want Pete to be as happy as he sounds."
"And you think he is happy?"
"Oh yeah. For sure," Eddie nodded emphatically.
I felt a twinge in my stomach at hearing that confirmation from Eddie, and it gave me a brief flashback to how overwhelmed Pete had seemed when he'd heard Tom vouch for how happy I was now too.
"... And it's great to finally meet you," Eddie continued as my thoughts were sidetracked by that memory. "`Cause I did wonder if it was all one-sided or if Pete's dick was maybe just blinding him into thinking the first guy who ever treated him well is the only guy who ever would. I mean, I've seen that exact thing happen with other gay friends of mine. And when it does, it usually doesn't end up going anywhere good."
"Do you mean that's what happened to you? With your first dude?"
Eddied just laughed at my question.
"What?"
"Dude, I don't even know the name of the first guy I fucked."
"Really?"
"We found each other online. And then we met up at a gas station at the edge of El Centro, and he fucked me in the backseat of his car. I never saw him again after that."
"For real?"
Eddie shrugged my question aside. "I was seventeen and horny. And I was ready to do more than just jerking off endlessly, so I found a way to make it happen. It wasn't like this fairytale romance, but it wasn't anything that fucked me up either. All I'm saying is, I definitely didn't get overly attached to the first dick I ever experienced. It's just something I've seen happen with other guys I know."
"Like Pete, you mean?"
"Or like you," Eddie pointed out.
I flushed hot as I remembered: "Well, technically, Pete's not the only guy I've ever hooked up with."
Eddie's eyes widened in surprise at that. "Oh?"
"Yeah, I fooled around with this other friend of mine back home once."
"When?"
"After freshman year. It was during a time when I thought I'd blown things with Pete because of a stupid misunderstanding that we were having. But hooking up with that other guy was pretty much a fuckin' disaster though," I cringed, thinking back about Matteo. "I mean, he was a friend, but then it basically killed that `cause I've never heard another word from the dude after things went there."
Eddie smiled ruefully as he took that in. "And even that right there is some closeted bullshit with you being so embarrassed about this."
"What do you mean?"
"You probably think you're the only one who's ever had an experience like that, right?"
"I'm not?" I asked, surprised.
"Tale as old as time," Eddie shook his head. "Like the first guy I ever hooked up with whose name I actually did know was a closeted friend who did drama club with me in high school."
"And that didn't go well?"
"I mean, it was fun sucking his dick," Eddie smirked. "But then he freaked out afterwards that his parents were gonna find out about what we did, so he dropped out of the play we were doing at the time just to avoid having to see me. And then we stopped being friends and never really spoke again either."
"Fuck, that sucks."
"Well, yeah," Eddie conceded. "But I don't mean to make it sound like I've only ever had these super sketchy experiences with guys either. I've had a lot of really fun ones too- especially now that I've gotten away from my hometown."
"Good," I smiled. "I'm glad."
"Being gay isn't always fucked up and traumatic, you know. And, honestly, I'm pretty fuckin' glad that I'm gay."
"You are?"
"Yeah, no joke," Eddie smiled. "I think it's one of the biggest reasons why I got my shit together so I could go to college. I pretty much always knew that I was gonna havta find a way to get the fuck out of the Imperial Valley if I ever wanted to have a life that makes me happy."
"So are you?"
"What?"
"... Happy?"
"Hell yeah," he smiled even bigger. "Like when I look at my parents' lives and how much they've had to hustle for every little thing, I've got it so much better. I mean, just think about it: I've actually got a decent shot at being able to make it by doin' something that I love."
"Dancing?"
"Exactly," he nodded. "So, I feel like I've got it easy."
"I wouldn't call what I saw you do on that stage tonight `easy' though."
"No, it's not," Eddie admitted. "But it's also not the same as my mom basically making herself blind working in a warehouse or my old man ruining his back by being bent over in a field all day either. I get to have a life that's way different from theirs. And, really, it isn't just that either. Being gay is probably the biggest reason why my life is so different from my brothers' too."
"What do you mean?"
"They've always had a crowd back home that they can fit right in with, and that means they never had the same push that I had to try to look any further beyond what's already in front of them. So I don't think either of them has ever stopped to think about whether fitting into what they've always known is what they actually want."
"But then there's you," I nudged.
"Yeah, and since it was basically obvious to everyone that I'm gay as soon as I could talk, I pretty much always knew that fitting in back home wasn't even gonna be an option for me. And so I really think that being different has been a blessing in disguise."
"`Cause it pushed you to get out?"
"Pretty much," Eddie nodded. "And it made me have to really think about what it is that I actually wanted to get out to once I did. But don't get me wrong though: I'm not saying this to imply that El Centro is this totally awful place or that my brothers' lives are terrible or anything. It's just that I think I'm having way, way more fun than either of them has ever had."
"You mean like with this stuff?" I asked, nodding my head back in the direction of the bar behind us once again.
"For one thing," he shrugged. "And just, like, not getting tied down or getting too old too quickly."
"So settling down isn't what you're looking for?"
"Hell no," Eddie chuckled. "Or, at least not now anyway. Besides, I haven't even had a serious boyfriend yet."
"You haven't?" I asked, surprised.
"No," Eddie shook his head. "But even that's mostly `cause I haven't ever really felt that itch yet, not because I haven't necessarily had the opportunity."
"Oh," I smirked, unable to resist my usual temptation to crack a joke. "So you mean you're just out here breakin' dudes' hearts left and right in the meantime?"
"Hardly," Eddie laughed. "I like dick. And I like getting dick... But I'm not tryin' to be a dick about it with anyone."
"Words to live by," I laughed along with him.
"But not for you," Eddie shook his head. "Or for Pete."
"No?"
"Nah, you're both totally boyfriend material."
I laughed again. "Okay, now you sound just like my mom."
"But is she wrong though?" Eddie asked, pressing his point.
"Nope," I smiled. "I guess not. But Pete always says you're such a good friend that I bet you've got more boyfriend material in you than maybe you give yourself credit for."
Eddie arched an eyebrow at me, so I went on to clarify:
"I mean, if you ever wanted to, that is..."
"Some day," Eddie agreed, smiling at me again. "But I'm not in any kind of rush to get there when I'm havin' this much fun along the way."
I laughed at hearing that because it suddenly occurred to me: "And that right there sounds exactly like how I thought college was gonna go for me."
"But then your true colors came out instead," Eddie smirked.
"You mean discovering that I like dick too?"
"Maybe that's part of it," Eddie laughed, nudging my shoulder with his. "But I was thinking more that it just seems like you're the kinda guy who's way better at being someone's boyfriend than being someone's fling."
"Wait, you've only known me for a couple hours, and it's that obvious already?"
"Dude, even if I hadn't heard Pete raving about you for months before now, I could tell just by those puppy dog looks you two give each other. Or by the fact that you basically didn't seem to even notice any other guy while we were back in there."
"It's not a bad thing to be boyfriend material," I protested, feeling my face flush a little bit.
"Oh not at all," Eddie agreed. "But I've learned not to mess around with guys like you or Pete so there's no hard feelings when we're not on the same page."
"But that page you're on has been working out for you?"
"Definitely," Eddie nodded. "No complaints here. I mean, I got to actually have sex and explore and figure out what I like way before Pete ever did. And, sure, maybe my first time wasn't on a bed of rose petals floating in a cloud like how Pete basically described what it was like for you guys. But even the kinda mediocre hookups I've had have helped me to figure things out."
"Like what?"
"Like what I actually like. And how to communicate that with a guy I'm hooking up with so I do have a good time when I have sex. And I'm lucky too. I've had some experiences I wouldn't necessarily repeat, but nothing that I regret or that messed with me in any real way."
I gulped as I thought suddenly about Juliana. "Well, yeah, I guess that is lucky then."
"If anything, the worst experiences I've had are just kinda like funny stories of crazy nights or awkward mornings-after now. Nothing any worse than some cringe-worthy moments here and there..." Eddie trailed off and laughed to himself for a moment before he continued: "And that's actually how I started to believe that maybe Pete wasn't fulla shit about you two."
"What do you mean?" I asked, not following.
"Anytime I'd come back and tell him about some hookup I had here that wasn't that great, Pete would look so genuinely confused. It's like he just can't fathom the concept of sex that feels anything less than awesome or what it would be like to be with someone who you wouldn't necessarily want to keep hanging around with after you've cum."
My skin flushed hot again. "I mean, for all the shit we did have to stumble through, we mostly figured the sex part out pretty quickly. And, trust me, I know I hit the jackpot right away when it comes to dudes. Like on my very first try."
Eddie laughed. "Well lucky you."
"I know I'm fuckin' lucky," I agreed quickly. But then my smile slipped a bit, and I fell silent for a couple of beats as I thought about it more. "... But, God, sometimes I still wonder how much easier things coulda been if only I'd already known what I know about myself now back when Pete and I first met. Or how much easier things coulda been for us if Pete maybe came from a different family too. It just feels like there's so much bullshit we coulda skipped over entirely."
Eddie snorted and smacked me on the shoulder. "You gotta cut that shit out, fool."
"What?"
"Wondering about `if only...' or about what coulda been. It's a fuckin' waste of your time."
"It is?"
"I mean, I could be sittin' here moping around about what things coulda been like for me if only I hadn't gotten the snot constantly beat outta me for being a faggot before I even knew what that word meant. But fuck crying over that shit."
"You mean it?"
"Yeah, I do," Eddie smiled emphatically. "The surest way to lose with whatever cards you get dealt in life is to not even play with them at all. And maybe I did get a shitty hand in some ways, but I ain't gonna waste my time moping about that. I'm gonna play the cards I've got and have as much fun as I possibly can with them."
"Yeah," I nodded as I considered that. "Good point."
It occurred to me suddenly that Eddie seemed to be breathing more normally now.
"Hey, are you good now?"
"I think so," Eddie focused on his breathing for a few seconds and then nodded. "I've had asthma ever since I was little `cause the dust and the factories make the air in the Imperial Valley pretty lousy. So shit like this just happens sometimes when I push myself. Trying to dance inside a stuffy club right away after that piece I performed tonight probably wasn't a smart idea."
"Well I'm glad you're okay now."
"Thanks for helping to take my mind off it," Eddie grinned at me. "You're a cool dude once you let yourself relax."
"Well shit," I laughed. "Now you sound just like my brother too."
We both laughed and then went quiet for a beat, listening to the distant thump of the bar's music behind us. Neither of us made a move to get up just yet, though.
I was enjoying this chance to talk to Eddie, so I spoke again:
"Hey, I know it was kinda weird to say thank you' for being Pete's friend, but can I at least say thank you' for not freaking out when he finally told you about his family? I know how worried he was about what that might do to your friendship."
Eddie shrugged that aside too. "Family's tough, man. And hearing about Pete's just explained a lot about why so many things were so new to him here. But I wasn't exactly shocked when he finally did tell me. I mean, what gay guy doesn't have some kind of daddy issues?"
I thought about my own dad and how great our relationship had always been. "Me?"
"But you haven't told your dad about you and Pete yet, right?"
My eyes abruptly dropped down to the ground by my feet. "No. Umm, not yet."
Eddie held up his hands. "And I'm not bringing that up `cause I'm judging you! Like I said, it was always pretty fucking obvious that I'm gay, so I really don't know shit about how it is for guys like you and Pete who can actually pass for straight for as long as you want."
"So is that what you meant when you said you're not like Pete?"
"Partly," Eddie shrugged. "But there's all the other obvious shit too. Like, I'm not white. Or rich. Or a jock. I was a nerdy theater dork whose only friends growing up were the school librarians or the band girls. No one was exactly shocked when I officially came out in high school. So who the hell am I to say how brave I woulda been if I'd ever had any real kind of closet that I coulda stayed in?"
"Coming out while you were still at home and in high school sounds pretty fuckin' brave to me, even if it wasn't a big surprise to anyone."
Eddie flinched, ever so slightly when I said that. "Yeah, well, by that point I'd already dealt with years of disappointed looks on my dad's face about the toys I wanted to play with or the clothes I'd want to wear. So I didn't think it would necessarily make things any worse to finally state the obvious. But even then, I still held off until it was pretty clear that I was gonna be able to leave home to go to college. I wanted to wait until my dad could at least be relieved that I wasn't gonna stick around much longer to keep embarrassing him in front of his friends."
"But he's gotta be proud that you're going to college, right?"
Eddie smiled ruefully at that. "Yeah, dad loves getting to tell people that one of his sons made it to Cal, but I know that's all he'll ever say about me. He never talks about what I'm majoring in. And I think it might legitimately kill him if he knew that I'm paying for it by dancing around in a jockstrap at a gay bar..."
Eddie trailed off after that, but I didn't interject since he'd taken a turn to the serious.
"... And it sucks," Eddie continued eventually. "Knowing there's this part of me my whole family would be more than happy to keep under wraps and never acknowledge to anyone. Like they're all- every one of them- more than happy to keep all this buried a thousand feet underground, even though they were never half as embarrassed about my older brother constantly being suspended for getting in fights at school. That shit was always perfectly fine to talk about. But admitting to people that I like taking it up the ass...? Fuck no."
"Yeah, well, if I ever do grow a pair, I always figured I'm gonna have to lead off that conversation with my parents with 'I love Pete'- and not 'I love Pete's dick and how it feels when he's fucking me.'"
Eddie finally cracked a smile at that attempt to lighten the mood. "Probably a good idea."
"So is this your own version of what you were saying about `what gay guy doesn't have daddy issues?'"
"Basically," Eddie nodded.
"Well maybe you and I aren't all that different then."
"How do you mean?"
"Maybe I've actually got some of the same daddy issues as you. I think I've been so afraid of disappointing mine that I'm just burying this super important part of who I am because I'd rather do the burying myself than face finding out how it would feel to see my dad do it."
Eddie exhaled slowly. "And it still sucks even if it's you with the shovel, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," I sighed heavily too. "But I know I still gotta face this someday. And I wish I were half as brave as you are so I could finally get over some of my complexes."
Eddie's dark eyes held mine for a beat as he considered that. "Well it's not always easy, but I can tell you that it is at least possible to break through complexes that are holding you back like that."
"Yeah? So what's the secret?"
"The secret?" Eddie shook his head. "Fuck if I know. Sometimes you just have these experiences that finally make things fall into place. Like how for me, being friends with Pete isn't community service. It's been kinda selfish in a way 'cause Pete's actually helped me work through some complexes I'd gotten into from being out in the Bay."
"What complexes?"
"Let's just say that any time I'd meet a hot, athletic gay guy like Pete back at Berkeley or in San Francisco, I'd always assume they wouldn't ever really want to be my friend."
"They wouldn't?"
Eddie just laughed. "Well, some of them really want to fuck me, but that doesn't mean they'd want to hang out with me. Half the time if a guy like Pete is interested it's just `cause he has a creepy thing for uncut dicks or some twisted cholo fantasy that doesn't have anything to do with the real me at all."
"Then they're missin' out," I said nudging Eddie's shoulder with mine. "I think the real you is cool as shit, and I can see why Pete likes you so much."
"Well," Eddie huffed. "Pete's special."
"Totally agreed," I smiled.
"But what I was trying to say was I've always steered clear of any gay guy who reminds me of the popular, jocky kids I knew growing up," Eddie went on. "And before I met Pete, I always assumed guys like him- or you, for that matter- would never possibly have a sincere interest in me. It's kinda like I'd intimidate myself way before they'd even have to."
"Fuck that shit," I shook my head. "You're the one who's intimidating."
And with that, I finally succeeded in making Eddie blush. "Shut up."
"Nah," I nudged his shoulder again. "That performance you did tonight was incredible. I wish I had half that kind of talent."
"Yeah, but I -..." Eddie began before the sound of Pete's voice cut him off:
"-... There you are!" Pete called out. He was smiling as we both suddenly noticed him approaching us.
Pete was holding two beers in his hands, and he dropped down to a seat next to me as he handed one of them over to Eddie. He leaned in and kissed me on my cheek before adding: "You two look thick as thieves already, so you must be talking about me."
"Not everything is about you," I smirked at Pete.
He cocked an eyebrow at me, took a swig from the beer he was still holding, and then handed it over to me.
"... But maybe we were a little bit," I conceded as I took the beer from him.
"Nothin' bad, I hope," Pete smiled.
"Nothing bad," Eddie nodded.
"Just the truth," I agreed, taking a sip from our beer now too. Pete threw his arm over my shoulder and hugged me closer to his side.
"Hey," I said after I'd swallowed my beer. "Now that you're both here, can I finally properly thank you two for my birthday present?"
"No need to thank me," Eddie deflected. "It was Pete's idea to take you out to the beach this week."
"But you were the one who found us the hook up on a place to stay out there," Pete pointed out.
Eddie laughed. "But then I also invited myself along too, so it's not like it was entirely selfless of me to give Pete a hand in planning this weekend."
"And maybe you don't havta thank me either," Pete added. "I kinda had ulterior motives for taking you away from the city to a place where we'll get to wear a lot less clothes the whole time."
"Well," I grinned. "As fucking painful as it's been to wait this long since my birthday to get here, I'm stoked that we'll all get to see the beach while I'm in Mexico too. So thank you both anyway, even if your motives were less than pure."
"De nada," Eddie smiled at us as Pete kissed my cheek another time.
Behind us, the music pulsing out from the bar swelled louder.
Eddie rose up to his feet, and then he reached his free hand down, helping both of us back up too.
"Come on," he grinned. "Let's head back inside. We don't have to hide out here all night."
To be continued.