Title: Miss You Love Part 3
WARNING: THIS STORY DEPICTS SEXUAL ACTIVITY BETWEEN UNDERAGE BOYS, ADULT LANGUAGE AND STRONGLY HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT. THIS MAY OFFEND SOME VIEWERS, IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY. IF YOU READ THIS STORY ANWAY THEN YOU ARE DOING SO AT YOUR OWN RISK AND SHOULD SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP QUICKLY. ALSO, I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE IN YOUR AREA, THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE READING THIS, BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO ANYWAY SO, IF YOU GET CAUGHT IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I ALSO HAVE TO WARN YOU ALL THAT THIS MAY CONTAIN "FOUL LANGUAGUE".
Dear Reader: This story is very vaugely based off of my personal experiences growing up, names, dates, places, etc. have been changed to protect the heterosexual. This story is not your normal boy meets boy love story, its more real than that, so be prepared for any thing. Neither character are based off of anyone real. Erik is like my alter ego. He is me mentally, and physically he is what I wished I looked like. Jakob is all the good parts of my ex-boyfriends, when none of the bad parts. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people that helped make this possible, so shout outs go to Sean, Justin (hey babe), Matty, Steven, Joe, Ed, Steph, Will, Richie, Scott, and anyone I forgot. I would also like to thank everyone at #GayTeenBoyz on dalnet, you guys are great! and I would like to thank Timmy (if your reading this, I LOVE YOU) for your inspiration. You were my friend, my companion, and my lover. Now on with the story!
Miss You Love
Part 3 School as Usual??
The droning beep of Erik's alarm clock awoke him from a deep sleep. The red digital lights read 6:30. Erik slowly crawled out of bed and stumbled into the shower. The water was hot and felt good on his naked flesh. He stood in the spray of the shower head letting the water run down his tanned back and down off the cheeks of his ass. After a few minutes, his flesh was warmed, so he began to soap himself up. His soft hands slid over his wet skin coating it with soap bubbles. Once he was clean, Erik reached one slender arm out of the shower into the steam that filled the bathroom and fumbled for a towel. He quickly dried himself off and put on a clean pair of boxers. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. He was happy with himself, the first time he had had that feeling in a long time. He brushed his healthy black hair out and left it down. Erik went to his armoire and was disgusted to find most of his clothes where black. "I don't want to wear black today," he told himself. After rummaging through the very few non-black clothes he had, he decided to wear a pair of blue Boss pants and a white mesh jersey with the Korn logo on the back. His tanned skin was easily seen through the mesh jersey, the faint shape of his chest could also be seen. Erik grabbed his book bag and skateboard while heading for his door. Down the stairs his Airwalk clad feet made the same trail that they always did, but something was different this time, there was an air of happiness that had not been there before.
"Bye Mom," he said and kissed her on his way out, leaving her behind with her jaw hanging open.
Erik rode to school barely aware of his surroundings. All his could think about was Jakob. Cypress Hills past by him in a blur until he was standing in front of the highschool. He smiled this time as he began making his way through the ocean of people. Lost in thought, he didn't notice anyone or anything around him. He followed the same routine he always did, first locker then English. Once inside the his class room, Mr. Trefoils immediately noticed something different about him.
"Your not wearing black today," Mr. Trefoils asked jokingly ," who died?"
Erik just laughed and shrugged it off. He sat down in his normal seat and began to monitor the heavy steal door awaiting Jakob's arrival. To his dismay, Jakob never walked through the door. After 15 minutes, he began to loose faith in his new dream. When class started at 8:45 Jakob was still no where to be found, so Erik pulled out a magazine and was soon off in his own fantasy world. When the bell sounded releasing Erik from English, his entire spirit had been crushed. Jakob hadn't showed up at all. Erik went through the rest of his day in a stupor. When lunch time finally came, Erik fought his way to the park and chained smoked cigarette after cigarette, watching the flame burn down the paper to the filter, lighting the next one with the one he was still smoking, and repeating the cycle. He was alone with his thoughts sitting under a shady oak tree while watching all the boy-girl couples walk around holding hands.
"Why can't I do that," he asked himself silently. The more he watched those happy couples holding each other and smiling, the angrier he got. "What did I do to deserve being so lonely?"," he inwardly screamed to his own self consciences. When the school bell let out its monotonous sound, and the mindless herds of students began to move back toward the class rooms, Erik was too upset to go back to school. So with his board in his hand, he left the park and headed toward the 1/2 pipe across town. He knew that no one would be there cause all the teens were in school. The trip was across town included walking through the down town district were the tall office buildings reached toward the sun, but failed to reach it. He walked quietly through town, not talking to anyone or stopping at all. His trip uneventful, and Erik only had to dodge cops once. Once there, he walked underneath the tall elms and looked up at the light fighting to get through the branches. The trees covered the ground beneath in shadow. Erik felt like one of those rays of light, fighting to through the branches. He quickly dropped his bag, lit a cigarette and started skating. Skating was all he concentrated on, it was his release from the world when he couldn't get to his computer. For the rest of the afternoon all he thought about where slides and grinds, kick flips and grabs. Half way through, the heat was beginning to get to him, so he took his shirt off, stowed it in his bag, and went back to skating. When he finally came back to reality, sweat covered his tan chest and back, dripped of his forehead down his nose and into his eyes. With his sight still blurred, he looked around to notice, he had amassed quite the crowd of on-lookers. Erik quickly wiped the sweat from his eyes and put his shirt back on. The crowd didn't matter to him, there could have been a million people watching his stunts and he still wouldn't have cared if Jakob was there. After smoking another cigarette, Erik picked up his bag and began to slowly skate home.
Cypress Hills looked like it had before, the sight of it sickened him. It was still the headquarters of conformity, nothing had changed. When Erik finally got back to his house, he found another note on the fridge for him. It read:
Erik,
Your father called, hes gonna be home tonight instead of Friday. I went shopping for something special for dinner tonight. Stay off that computer until your homework is done, and be sure you eat.
Love
Mom
The only part of the note that Erik obeyed was food. He was starving. He began to search the cabinets until he found what he was looking for: OREOS!! With the bag in one hand and a Pepsi in the other, Erik quickly ran upstairs and changed out of the smelly clothes he had been skating in. The blue jeans slid effortlessly off his hips when the top button was undone. His legs ached from skating, and what little hair was one them was clung together in matted clumps from sweat. He then pulled his shirt off and threw it over close to the dirty clothes pile. In just his boxers, Erik looked himself over in the full-body mirror on his door. He was confused.
"I'm not ugly," he told himself. "I get complements all the time from girls, but why do I feel this way?"
A feeling of worthlessness began to wash over him, destroying his self confidence. The more he looked at himself in the mirror, the more alone he felt. He took one last look in the mirror.
"I'm going to be alone for ever," he told himself, and got dressed in a pair of black Nike break away work out pants and a black tee shirt and turned toward his stereo. While rummaging through his CDs, he decided that he was not in the mood for anything loud, and grabbed a Tori Amos CD. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of a piano and Tori's angelic voice singing "Years go by, will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand years go by will if I'm stripped off my beauty and the orange clouds raining in my head years go by will I choke on my tears till finally there is nothing left one more casualty we're to easy easy easy." The music soothed him enough to get on-line and bleed his heart out there. His on-line buddies were there. They were the only constant thing in his life. No matter what else was happening in real life, the guys in #gayteenboyz were always there to listen to him and help him out. When he was with them he felt loved, truly loved for who he is. The guys in the chat room told him to calm down and not jump to conclusions. They explained that their might be a logical reason for Jakob not calling and not showing up at school. After about an hour of talking with them, Erik had cooled down, and when his mother honked for his help, he was able to be around people again. He thanked his friends, logged off and ran down the stairs to help his mom.
After carting in several bags of groceries, Erik ran back upstairs to his computer. He was barely on-line for more than a minute when the phone rang.
"brb phone's ringing", he typed to his friends before running to get the phone by his bed.
"Hello," he asked into the phone.
"Is Erik there," an unfamiliar voice asked.
"This is him, wassup?"
"Not much dude, this is Jakob."
"Ohh! Hang on a second man, I gotta turn the music down."
Erik ran to his stereo and turned it down to a whisper, then ran over to his keyboard.
"BBL ITS HIM!" he quickly typed and then logged off.
"Hey Jakob, you still there," Erik asked not sure if Jakob would still be on the line or not.
"Yeah, I'm here," Jakob responded," How was school today?"
"The first half really sucked," Erik answered, "I wouldn't know about after lunch, I split."
"I know, I saw you at the 1/2 pipe today. You kicked ass."
"Really, I didn't see you?" Erik asked puzzled.
"I went there to skate, but when I saw you and that crowd, I just kinda stayed to the back and watched."
"Why weren't you in school?"
"Mom made me stay home to help finishing unpacking. She said that if I didn't unpack I she was gonna break my guitar."
"Damn, thats harsh. Was she serious?"
"No I don't think so, but I wasn't risking it."
"Yeah good idea," Erik said as he stretched out on his bed listening to Jakob's voice.
The two of them talked for an hour about nothing in particular, just talked the way teen guys do. Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on Erik's door.
"Hang on dude," he told Jakob.
"What?", Erik asked through the door, never moving from the bed.
"Honey," his mom answered," You need to get off the phone and get ready for dinner, your father will be home soon."
"Okay mom."
"Jakob, I gotta go eat and pacify my dad," Erik told him apologetically," can you call me back later?"
"Yeah sure," Jakob said. "I need to eat too."
After hanging up with Jakob, Erik slipped into a clean pair of black jeans and a black button up shirt. He walked into the bath room and turned the hot water in the sink on, and let it run. He stared at himself in the mirror again and tried to analyze what he saw. He noticed that his teeth were straight and white, even though he smoked. His eye lashes were long and full, almost feminine in a way. His ears didn't stick out and both eye brows were separate. "Not a bad face," he thought to himself ,"so why doesn't Jakob seem interested?" Without answering his own question, he brushed his teeth and hair and then went down to wait for his dad.
Erik's mother was waiting for him in the den. She was wearing a long dark blue dress, that Erik hadn't seen her wear in a very long time.
"Why are you dressed up for," Erik asked his mother, trying to fake interest.
"For your father dear," his mother answered, "he likes to see me dressed up."
His mom crossed her legs and sat up straight in the antique satin chair, and reached for her cigarette pack. She pulled one out and placed it her mouth, then pulled another one out and threw it to Erik. Erik sat there looking at the cigarette on his lap. "This is a trap," he thought to himself as he eyed the cigarette.
"We'll discuss it later, just don't let your father know until I get a chance to talk to him about it, okay?", his mother told him using that tone of voice she used when she realized that Erik was old enough to do something he wasn't allowed to before.
Erik nodded and picked up the cigarette. His hands shook slightly, not sure if his mother was setting him up or not.
"Have you got a light Mom?", he asked. The words seemed so strange, so awkward.
She tossed him a lighter, he light his cigarette and slid over toward her, so he could use the ash tray. As the two of them sat smoking, neither one said anything. Erik felt strange about smoking in front of him mom. His mom watched him and remembered back to the days when her little boy was a little boy. She smiled inwardly recalling his first day of school, his first bike ride, his Kindergarten graduation. As she watched him smoking she realized that her little boy was gone, and in his place was this teen almost a man. Her eyes began to water, she tried to fight them, but the tears would not be held back. She got up, ruffled her sons hair a little bit and walked into the kitchen.
Erik sat there, still smoking, not sure what just happened, or the consequences there of, but he thought it was a good thing. After he finished his cigarette, he got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen were his mom was putting the final preparations on dinner.
"Whens Dad going to be here?", he asked.
"In about 5 minutes, can you set the table?", she replied, "And use the good china."
Erik got the good china out of the oak china hutch and set 3 places. Next he added the silverware and glasses. Then, he helped his mother bring out the dinner. The table was loaded down with food. His mother had cooked a ham, and there was mashed potatoes, and gravy, corn on the cob, candied yams, soft warm sweet rolls and home made apple pie for desert. The smell of the food filled the house, and for a second the place was actually a home. Erik savored it while he could.
When his dad finally showed up, Erik and his mother were glowing with pride from the work they had done, his father didn't even notice. He kissed Erik and his wife on the cheek, set his brief case down and sat down at the table. Erik could feel the cold emotionlessness that oozed off his father as if it were a tangible thing. Every fiber in Erik's young body told him to run, run as far and as fast as he could. But he ignored his body and sat down, his mother followed. The three of them sat and ate, with out speaking too each other. After dinner, his dad got up and went into the den to watch TV, while Erik and his mom cleaned up and did the dishes. While they worked, Erik thought back on his early childhood. His dad had never been abusive, at least not physically, but he had always been cold. and empty inside. When he was younger, Erik had tried to be "daddy's little man", he tried to warm that stone cold heart his father had, but to no avail. About the time puberty started, Erik gave up on his father. When his dad learned that Erik was gay, the cold became anger, the only emotion he ever saw his father express. That night, and ever since, there had been abuse. Not the kind that bruises and breaks, then heals and can be forgotten, but the kind that hurt Erik's emotions creating scars that would never heal. It was that night that Erik vowed never to love his father, and from that night on, he hadn't.
After they had finished cleaning, Erik went back to his room, changed into comfortable clothes, put some louder music on the CD player and began chatting with his friends waiting for the phone to ring. The sound of Tom Morello's guitar and Zack de la Rocha screaming "Fuck you! I won't do what you tell me!" always seemed to relax him and make him feel better about his family life. Just as he was beginning to get into the conversation he was having on the inter net, the phone rang, startling him enough to visibly jump. Erik ran to answer the phone before his dad did.
"Hello," he asked into the phone.
"Erik?", Jakob's sweet voice answered.
"Yeah Jakob its me," he replied, "wassup?"
The two of them talked together like they had been friends all their lives. As the conversation progressed, it seems that the two of them had many similar interests. When Erik looked up at the clock its was a quarter to 2 in the morning!
"Dude, I've gotta go," Erik said regretfully," we got school in the morning."
"Yeah, your right, "Jakob said," one more thing though. Where in the Hills do you live? Maybe you can come over on Friday and spend the night or something?"
Erik's heart stopped. Was his dream coming true? Was Jakob interested in him?? The two of them swapped address and decided that Erik was going to go to Jakob's on Friday for a sleep over. Then they hung up and went to bed. Erik's night again was sleepless, with thoughts of Jakob constantly pounding his brain. Even though Friday was 3 days away, Erik was already trying to decided what was his sexiest outfit, what would he bring, and what to expect from all this. Finally around 3 he slowly drifted off to sleep and dreamed of Jakob.
Thats it for this time, Miss You Love Part 4: Not Even Egg Shells Are This Fragile will be out soon. How will Erik's parents take him spending the night with Jakob? What will happen at the sleep over? If you wanna know, you gotta read the next segment :) GIA
ME
"I hear you talk about your family life
I wish I knew just what that means
I guess my mother never loved my dad
And now I wear it on my sleeve
My sister called me just the other day
It felt so good to hear her voice
My problem is I don't have much to say
I guess she doesn't have a choice
And I'm sorry
Look at me
I'm so pathetic
Can't Believe
I'm just an addict
I never needed anyone to help me I begging you
To please come save me from myself
Save me from myself
My mother's always tried to change herself
She never learned to let things be
She doesn't know how bad that fucked me up
Cause now she seems so fake to me
But I Love Her
You push me but I won't fall
I've been programmed to take it all
And shove it way down inside
Like my father
I'm so pathetic
Can't believe
I'm just an addict
I try to be
I'm failing at it
Life to me
Is just a habit
I hear you talk about your family life
I wish I knew just what that means"
STAIND