The Missing Piece of a Piano By: Sean Roberts
Author's Note: Please send all feedback to seanr_13@yahoo.ca Thanks.
Bar 9
She begins to play the Beethoven he refused at the beginning of the year. Though she is accompanied by all the instruments of the orchestra, Daniel hears only her. He can even hear the tapping of the keys.
"Stop! Stop! Absolutely awful!" shouts Mr. Klein. Daniel is startled for the fourth time during the lesson. The music teacher has become everything but violent since the Christmas break. The rest of the class, however, does not react, as they are probably used to it. Faye is the fourth person Mr. Klein asks to stand. A clarinet player, a flute player and a violinist are already standing beside one of their counterparts, their assignment to observe the proper fingerings for the piece.
"Faye! Stand up!" he yells. She does as she is told immediately. "Daniel! Take her spot! Play the piece, the whole thing!"
"B-but--" Daniel starts shyly. "I don't know how."
"Neither does anybody else apparently!" he shouts, waving his arms in the air. Being a short man, this gesture does not have the intended grandeur. "Just do it! Now!"
"I-I really think Faye was doing a great job," Daniel says. Mr. Klein groans exasperatedly.
"Very well very well! Faye, sit back down! And do it properly this time!" She sits. Mr. Klein produces a baton that has apparently been sitting on his music stand the whole year. He gives the metal stand three solid whacks and begins conducting. Daniel turns the page for her and then looks at her face. He does not want gratitude for such an insignificant gesture but he wants some sort of acknowledgement that he is there, that he is with her. She has not spoken to him for the entire class. Mr. Klein suddenly stops the class again and begins to yell at the drummer.
"That was really good," Daniel whispers. She looks at him finally, something he does not expect. He has made little comments like that ever since the class began and she has not regarded a single one with any interest.
"If you want to talk to me," she says, "do it properly. Meet me in the library after school. Come to the second floor, where I struggled with the essay on Macbeth." He nods. For the remainder of the class, he does everything he can to keep himself from smiling. Mr. Klein tells the class to start again. There is a certain vibrancy in her playing Daniel did not pick up on before today.
She sits at the same table but in a different chair. Daniel was expecting to see her in the chair she was sitting at when she offered to show him the town. He sits across from her and reaches out to take one of her hands into his, wanting to feel the comforting warmth of her fingers.
"Don't even think about it," she says coldly and quickly. His arm recoils, like a snake that has just attacked and missed. He buries it in his lap, covering it with the other. The razor in her voice makes him turn away from her, but he can feel her stare bearing into him. A magnifying glass assaulting an ant. "This had better be good Daniel."
"What?" he snaps back, looking at her again but this time with anger.
"Whatever you're going to tell me. Like why I should even be here with you."
"I didn't mean what I said yesterday." He had planned to say this holding her hand, looking into her eyes. He wants her to know that he means it. "It was just a bad time." No apology. It was her fault for following him. He can no longer feel her stare.
"Well if you hadn't said it I would have."
"Okay. Fine." He stands up. He still does not face her. "Fine if that's how you want it. Faye." The name rolls off his tongue and brings an inadvertent smile to his face. He takes his seat again and turns to her. He does not want to leave anymore. The confused look on her face about his sudden change of expression goes unnoticed by Daniel. "I want to play the Chopin with you in the concert. On the violin."
"The violin? What are you going to play, it's just for piano."
"I know! But I have a violin part for it. At home. Really, come and see it." Her curiosity and the pleading look he gives make her agree. They sit in his car and before they leave the library's parking lot he gives her a heart-felt apology.
The lights in the room with the television are attached to a dimmer switch. Daniel uses the room and the dial because he wants to create an atmosphere. He flops down on the couch beside her and she giggles because of the smile on his face. Then from behind his back he produces the music. She stares at the sheet.
"This is--well if this really works I'd love to play with you. But I won't really know until you play it. I don't know the violin; these notes mean nothing to me."
"They will. The next time I'm over for Seth I'll borrow his instrument. We'll play it." She nods and gives him back the piece. He is glad that she doesn't look at the cover; he does not want her to ask about Keith.
"Where did you get this though?"
"I--it's something that needs a bit of an explanation," he says. And I'll tell you as soon as I come up with a plausible story that doesn't insult the memory of my best friend and my first love. "This isn't the time for it."
"Fine. But you have to at least tell me something. Like why won't you kiss me?" She turns towards him and moves closer so that their legs press harder against each other's.
"Because my mother's standing in the doorway," Daniel says, pointing. Faye turns and nearly jumps out of her seat.
"Hi Faye," says Mrs. Thompson awkwardly. Faye clears her throat and cannot help but smile, though she is embarrassed. Suddenly Daniel bursts out laughing and Faye joins him.
"Sorry mom," Daniel says. "Where were you anyway? I didn't know anybody was home."
"Our cars were here," she says impatiently. "We were upstairs actually. I came down to get some tea and I heard voices, so I came to ask if I could get you anything." Daniel slides away from Faye so they are no longer touching.
"I'm fine, thanks," Daniel replies.
"Me too," Faye says. "Thanks." They both start to laugh again, the senseless laugh of teenagers. Mrs. Thompson leaves the room.
"Don't worry," Daniel whispers, leaning close to her ear. "Don't be embarrassed."
"Answer the question," she says, suddenly serious.
"I've had some bad relationships," he says. "A lot of--I mean, I don't want this to go too fast. I don't want to mess it up."
"Have it your way then," she replies. She lifts his hand from his knee and brings his fingers to her lips. She kisses his index finger softly, just beneath the nail, as if it made a mistake. He swallows. The feeling on his fingers makes him want to tell her about Keith and about the cause of those bad relationships; about why he doesn't kiss her. "Would you mind driving me back to my car?" He nods and they leave.
There is no touching of his legs; no discussions about masturbation. And when the scheduled time for his lesson is over Faye comes into the room. "Leave your violin here," she says, "Daniel needs to use it."
"You're going to play something else?" Seth asks tentatively. He is excited about hearing notes turned into music, but he does not want to see Daniel cry again.
"Yes," Faye answers quickly. She sits at the piano and plays a quick scale. Daniel smiles at Seth.
"Do you mind?" Seth lifts the instrument out of the case and hands it to him.
"Of course not." Daniel sits in Seth's chair and positions his body and the instrument so that the sound can come through.
Faye reminds Daniel about the music. He has left it in the car. "I'll get it if you take me driving later!" Seth says.
"You're not allowed to drive," Faye says. "So nobody's going to take you driving. He's been trying to get someone to let him drive for years," she says to Daniel. "He doesn't seem to understand that you can't drive until you're sixteen. Could you explain it to him?"
"I'll take you driving later," Daniel says to the boy. Seth says nothing, but eagerly takes Daniel's keys and leaves the room. "I need you to play slowly. And I don't mean the slowest way you can play that piece. I mean slowly by any standards." She nods and plays the first few notes. "Slower." She tries again. "Perfect."
The music is open in front of him. Seth has settled himself inside a couch on the other side of the room. The sun has gone down; the room is dark save for the lamps on the piano and beside Daniel's couch. The lack of light has given the room a sense of cold and Seth sits with his legs tucked underneath him.
"Ready?" Faye asks.
"Wait! What are you playing?" Seth asks.
"Nothing," Faye says. "Ready Daniel?"
"We're playing Chopin, Nocturne in E Minor," Daniel says. Seth laughs.
"You mean that piece she practices all the time and still can't get right?"
"That's the one," Daniel says playfully.
"Can we just start?" Faye says. Daniel can hear the smile in her voice. He has the first note and he plays it, barely paying attention to the music. The dark, pencilled note on the sheet brings back a memory. The movements of his hands that accompany it are automatic. He plays an entire bar before she stops him.
"When do I come in?" Daniel doesn't answer right away. He is mesmerized that he has just been playing the violin the way he used to-^Öthe notes registering quickly in his mind, the vibrations of the strings providing sudden and absolute comfort.
He looks back at the sheet. There is a marking after the first bar.
"When you hear this," he says, playing a note. She nods and turns back to the piano. Seth laughs.
"I think it sounds better without her."
"Trust me Seth, it doesn't." Daniel winks. Then he starts again.
He has not moved the violin out of position; the leather of the chin rest has warmed his skin and he wants to hold the instrument forever. It smells like a mixture of wood and Seth. The boy's sweat has come to rest on the leather and on parts of the wood at the back, behind the bridge. Daniel closes his eyes for the first bar which he has now memorized.
But she comes in suddenly, trying as hard as she can to keep the tempo Daniel has told her to follow. And the sound becomes something new. The violin notes which sounded awkward but beautiful on their own now accompany the vibrations of the piano strings perfectly. The sounds coming from the instruments--from the hearts of the players--harmonize and piece together like the picture and sound of a movie.
Though his eyes are open he does not consciously read the music. The notes are in front of him but he has stopped memorizing them the moment the piano started. He is instead staring at Keith, watching the boy sitting at the piano, playing his favourite piece. Keith stops in the middle but Daniel can still hear the notes.
"I have an idea Daniel! About how you can play this with me!" Daniel goes to sit beside his friend.
"Which hand do you want me to do?" Keith smiles.
"No, on the violin." The boys start writing it immediately. Keith is on the floor with his pencil; Daniel is at the piano with his fingers. And then Daniel is with his violin and Keith is with the piano. Then when Keith is at the piano, Daniel has the pencil.
But they never played it through. He didn't stay alive long enough for that to happen. But in front of Daniel Keith is there, on the piano, the violin notes coming from his own hands. And they play together and stop in the middle, but still the music continues to emanate from both instruments. They are together, on the piano bench, and they kiss. With his left hand Keith plays a quick tune without looking at the keys. The boys smile and continue to taste each other, the feeling making their hands want more than strings and keys and bows. They want each other.
They remove their clothes--shyly--at opposite ends of the room, even though they have done this before. But when they come together again there is no more apprehension. They know what they want. They are two erect boys in love with each other.
The music finishes.
"No!" Daniel whispers to himself. "We did that, for the first time, after we played Bach together; we never played this together. We never got the chance." The violin falls out of his hands. He does not notice the sound this makes. He picks up the music from the stand and stares at the pencilled notes, knowing that Keith wrote it and that Keith never heard it played. I can't play it without him, it isn't fair.
"I can't do the concert Faye. I'm sorry."
"What? But Daniel this piece--"
"I'm sorry Faye," he says, this time more firmly. "Seth you want to go for that drive now?"
"Yeah! Just let me go change!" He runs out of the room.
"Would this be okay with your parents?"
"Oh, fine time to ask that," she says. After a pause, "It'll be fine. Just don't go for too long. My mom says you have to stay for dinner today, though I'm not sure I want you to. Daniel how can you do this? Get me all excited about--"
"Trust me Faye," he interrupts, "you don't want to know the reason behind this." Seth returns and they leave. Daniel drives to where Seth tells him is a secluded area. He hands over the keys and sits in the passenger's seat. He watches Seth's face as the boy manoeuvres the car. Daniel realizes that he probably looked like that just a few minutes ago when he played the violin, before the haunting memories assaulted his mind.
When they return Faye tells them that dinner is ready.
"Go tell mom and dad we'll be right there," she says to Seth.
"Gladly. I don't want to see you two kiss." She gives him a playful push as he walks past them in the narrow corridor.
"I've been thinking about what you said Daniel," she says before he can say anything. "And I don't want to mess up this relationship either. I'm sorry I got angry just now."
"You had every right. I'll make this up to you." He embraces her. He wants to do more than hold her but hugging her is all he thinks of at the moment. She puts her arms around him as well and holds him more tightly than he has her. They go to the dining room, where Seth is in the middle of telling his father how well he drove for the first time.