Mountain Getaway
It was mid-afternoon on a late November day; the day before my birthday. I had driven to the mountains to relax and regroup. Something was churning inside of me, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was. I'd grown restless and perhaps a bit lonely.
I had done so much internal and external work on myself, and come such a long way in the last three years, I was emotionally exhausted. I'd made a month-long reservation several weeks earlier for a cabin to complete my relaxation exercise. I'd been to the resort before and I looked forward to visiting again.
The sky turned dark grey as I continued my upward mountain climb. I hadn't heard any reports of impending storms, but I prepared for them anyway as it was so late in the year. The northern part of the county could be unpredictable this time of year. I loaded my SUV up with supplies for nutrition, warmth, emotional health and mental stimulation. I debated whether or not to bring my notebook computer and at the last moment, decided to bring it along. I didn't want to be too connected to the outside world.
I arrived at the resort just as it was starting to hail. I rushed in from the icy cold wind and hail to find Amanda, part owner of the resort talking to another patron. I sat down by the roaring fireplace. "I'll be with you in just a moment, ma'am" said Amanda. "Thanks. Take your time" I replied. At that moment, the woman Amanda was talking with turned and looked at me. We both smiled.
"Elaine!"
"Kim!
Elaine had once played an important role and had been a large part of my life. She had been my therapist off and on for years. We had been through some very challenging times together and had therapy had ended less than ideally several years earlier. We genuinely liked each other, but the conflict we had ended with "We agree to disagree." We'd spoken a few times in the last couple of years and had made our peace.
"What brings you up here Elaine?"
"I felt like getting away, but everything is booked. It looks like there is a nasty storm brewing."
"Yeah, it started to show itself about 5 miles back. She came over to me and we hugged as friends who genuinely care about each other.
"You can hang out in my place, there is a lot of room; a bedroom and a loft."
"I wouldn't want to put you out Kim, but thank you for the offer."
"Ms. Bernssen, perhaps you should take Ms. Schiller up on staying in her cabin. We're going to be snowed in for a couple of days according to the latest weather reports. Otherwise, Tom and I have an extra room, but you may be more comfortable with someone you know and it is a lot larger" Amanda broke in. Elaine looked at me. "It's up to you, Doc?! I teased with a wink.
"That sounds good right about now." "Great, l'll get checked in and we'll go from there." I replied.
What I prayed Elaine didn't know was that I once had a huge crush on her. It was called "Patient transference." I had heard it was fairly common and if I were honest with myself, it probably was a large contributing factor in my decision to end our therapeutic relationship. Years had passed since then and Elaine knew me well enough to realize I knew that we were simply two women, not former patient and former therapist at this moment. Making peace with each other had paid off. I knew that we would not discuss the conflict that had been so lengthy and painful from years earlier. We had both let it go- but it took me a lot longer.
Amanda did the paperwork and Tom came in to see if anyone needed help. The wind had kicked up considerably by this time.
"Hey Kim, how are ya?" asked Tom. Tom was a tall, well built man and always pleasant. We often traded slightly sexual jokes in the past.
"Hi Tom. I'm great. It's nice to see you again. You and Amanda never age, I swear! It must be the mountain living and clean air!"
"It's sure not the clean living, I'll tell you that much" Tom laughed.
I cracked up. Elaine watched the exchange and I was definitely aware of it. She was seeing how I related to people these days. I was just being myself!
Tom explained where the cabin was and gave Elaine the key. She went ahead of me as I completed the check-in. In the 20 minutes it took to complete the check-in and for me to get lost, Elaine had already unpacked most of the items from her car and had started a fire. As I started to unpack my SUV, she came out to help. How she had already started a fire was beyond me. "Must be the Scandinavian resourcefulness" I thought to myself.
"Hey, great fire, thanks for getting it started. It's getting chilly" I said as we made our second trip out to my car.
"Sure, I was happy to do it! It's very generous of you to put me up until the storm blows over, Kim."
"It's my pleasure. Thanks for your help, Elaine." The car was now unpacked and we rushed in out of the cold.
We smiled at each other. That girlish smile of hers always got to me. That moment was no exception. Elaine moved to the kitchen area. It appeared she had familiarized herself with the layout of the cabin. We exchanged what can only be described as a "shy smile." Elaine hadn't escaped my eyes- perfect fitting 501's, a black chenille V-neck sweater over a white mock turtleneck and black "dressy" hiking boots. She looked relaxed and was as gorgeous in my eyes as the last time I'd seen her.
I looked pretty good too. I had on a cream colored linen, French cuffed Ralph Lauren blouse, black jeans, a black custom made belt with a silver and gold buckle, a-to-die for buttery soft, custom black leather blazer and handmade black leather boots.
"So what brings you up this way, Kim?"
I smiled. "Peace and quiet and knowing I deserve it. Nature helps to balance me these days."
"I know you've done a lot of work, Kim. It sure shows in your demeanor. You look great. Congratulations!" I smiled at her and probably blushed a little at her noticing my significant weight loss and relaxed attitude. I knew how to take the compliment, it just wasn't expected.
"Thanks, Elaine." was all I could manage to say. I cherished those words from her, but at the same time,
I felt self-conscious. I went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider from the refrigerator. Elaine noticed the sparkling cider bottle, but said nothing.
"Would you care for a glass of wine, cider, or do you prefer tea?" I asked.
"I'll go with the cider to start, Kim." I poured Elaine's glass first and swore to myself I thought I'd caught a glimpse of her checking me out, Why would a very attractive, woman older than I by 20 years be checking out her former client? With the weight loss, came a huge boost in self-confidence. I thought I might be getting a bit full of myself to think I sensed such a thing. I decided to try to put it out of my mind. Elaine had tried to address my physical condition several times in therapy, but was unsuccessful due to my being defensive about it. When I was ready, I'd lost 100 pounds the hard way and I knew I looked damn good, but I wasn't arrogant about it. I was well on my way to "hard-body status", having significant definition in my upper arms and in my calves. Elaine gently took the bottle from me and filled my glass. We toasted to being safe in a snow storm. I blushed from feeling self-conscious.