History:
Mourning_Sex
Chapter One: Mourning_Sex
Chapter Two: Exodus
Chapter Three: Homecoming_Night
Chapter Four: Separation_Anxiety [You Are Here]
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The following is a manifest of truth and fiction. Any resemblance to the characters may (or may not) be coincidence.
The main characters involved:
Joe A.K.A. the author. I usually introduce myself as Seth (my actual name) but everyone seems to like my middle name better, so I don't bother. I'm 18, 6'4" and 187 lbs. My eyes are gray and I have black hair, nearly shaved off. My skin is lighter toned. I'm in alright shape from playing soccer, and I try to keep it that way.
Next: Ben. My boyfriend who I love to death. He's 17, 6'3' 190ish lbs. Bright blue eyes and a killer smile. He got rid of his mohawk and now is practically bald. He's in better shape than me, being a tri-athelete and all. He has about the same skin tone as me, and has a good figure in general. Oh yeah, he's pretty flippin' hot too.
And then we have Dan and Tony, or The Terror Twins as we refer to them as. Tony's a bit taller at 6'5", but Dan makes up the difference by being totally ripped. Co-captains on the football team, both of them play guitar, and do just about everything together. Their physical features are so similar its scary at times. Slate blue eyes, longer brown hair, and they even have the same sideburns!
And last but not least, my dad. 6' 6", 250lbs at least. MADE of muscle. More tattoos than I know about, and enough consert stories to suffocate you with. Everyone says I look identical to him, just not as ripped. By looking at him, you'd never be able to tell he's a real estate agent.
{{Chapter 4: Separation_Anxiety}}
I groggily opened my eyes as I felt someone roll me onto my side. A pair of hands moved over my chest as my unconciousness gave way to the overly bright ceiling light.
"Aw. You're getting some chest hair." Ben said, leaning down and kissing me.
"And you still don't have any facial hair." I replied, yawning loudly.
"'Cause I just shaved." He replied, smirking at me.
"Ben... It's bearly 8 am... Why are we awake?" I asked, glancing at the clock on the wall.
"Gotta go to my mom's..."
"Oh... Yeah..."
"I still don't wanna go." He pouted.
"But you should." I said, pulling him down on top of me.
"A week of no Dan, Tony, or you. Not to mention sleeping alone."
I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, reassuring him that the week would be fine. As I rambled on, all I could think about was how good he smelled, because he apparently used my cologne /body wash. Looking over his shoulder, I spied the clock on the wall again and sighed. It was already 8:30.
"You should probably go. There's construction by Holman and it'll take you fifty times longer than it should." I said, rubbing his back.
"I thought summer was over..."
"Construction season is year round. You're in Wisconsin now, remember?"
"Haha yeah."
"Got everything?"
"Think so."
"Phone?"
"Mhm."
"Toothbrush?"
"Yep."
"My lucky hoodie?"
"Yea- What?!"
"Take it. Supposed to finally be cold this week."
"I couldn't."
"Do it anyways. I want you to."
"God... You sure? You wouldn't even let Doug take that."
"Positive."
"... I fuckin' love you. kiss"
"Love you too. Now get going. I don't wanna talk to your mom if you're late."
He frowned at me and held me tighter, nearly squeezing the air out of me. Sighing heavily, he stood up and slowly shuffled to the door. My head barely hit the pillow and I was out.
HEY! WAKE THE HELL UP! YER PHONE'S RINGIN'!
I grumbled as I pulled the pillow off my face and felt around blindly for my phone.
"He- YAWN Hello?" I answered, trying to open my eyes.
"Hey Babe, did I wake you up?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it. How was the drive?"
"Bleh. You were right about the construction. They have it down to ONE LANE."
"Oh shitty. Get there ok though?"
"Yeah. I miss you driving everywhere haha."
"Awww hahahaha... How is it so far?"
"Boring. Waiting for HER to show up."
"Oh, joy..."
"Yeah, no shit. Gah... Speaking of Medusa..."
"Gotta go?"
"I'd rather not, but she said she's taking me out to breakfast. Sigh"
"Ok. Talk to you later. Love you, Ben."
"Love you, too. Talk to ya soon. -click-"
Up until then, I was doing really good at quitting smoking. But as I put my phone down, I had a nic fit like none other. Rolling off the bed, I hit the floor and started looking under my bed for my reserve pack of Reds. The whole time I could hear Ben lecturing me for smoking.
"Meh...Whatever." I mumbled as I found my deathsticks.
Sitting back down on the bed, I pulled one of the few remaining cigs from the pack and fished through the pile of random crap on the table for a lighter. As I found one, I quickly placed the deathstick in the corner of my mouth and lit it, taking a long drag. As I exhaled, the door slowly opened to reveal a very hung over Dan. He didn't say anything as he walked over and sat down next to me.
"You look like death eatin' a cracker." I chuckled, nudging his shoulder.
"Kinda feel like it too...uugghhh..." He groaned, snatching my cigarette.
"I thought you quit." I scoffed as he took a bigger drag than me.
"I thought you did too." He replied, expelling an epic smoke cloud.
"It's gonna be a long week." I whispered, dropping my head a bit.
"Ooohhh..... Forgot... Ben's at his moms this week." He sighed, giving my cig back.
I nooded slowly, taking another long drag. We sat around for awhile and woke up and shook our hangovers before even thinking of a game plan for the day. I threw in Saw II while we thought of what to do.
"I'll finally get to finish this movie haha." I said, leaning back on my elbows.
"Thought you said you watched it like... Last week with Ben." Dan replied, stretching out on the bed next to me.
"We did... Kinda..."
"How do you- Oh wait, I don't wanna know." He groaned, rolling his eyes.
"It was a good movie." I said, grinning ear to ear.
"Changing the subject... Know where my shirt went? I slightly remember passing out with it on."
"I tossed it in the corner on the rest of your stuff."
"How did I get out of it?"
"We took it off you, so you didn't sweat off 10lbs."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Coming up with zero ideas for what to do, we sat and watched the movie. Just as the credits started to roll, dad appeared leaning on my door frame.
"So... How we doing?" He asked with his usual smug grin.
"I'm ok. Dan's a little worse off though." I chuckled, motioning to him.
"Wow... You look like hell."
"Aw thanks!" Dan replied in an overly sarcastic tone.
"Haha, anyways, what are you guys up to today."
"Nothing... And it'll probably stay that way."
"Great, me too. Let's go get lunch, looks like you could use some food."
"You buyin'?"
"Sure."
"sweet deal. I'm in."
"Yeah me too."
"Well get dressed and let's go then."
And in the blink of an eye he vanished down the stairs. He's kinda creepy like that, and I know he does it on purpose most (if not all) of the time. Dan shuffled off to his room and I dug through the dresser for something to wear. Grabbed a pair of cargo pants and a random band t-shirt and threw them on. Glancing over at the pile of clothes in the corner, I spotted one of Ben's shirts, which technically was my shirt. Walking over and snatching it from the top, I could smell the cologne at arms length. Frowning a bit, I threw it over my head and slipped it over the other, adjusting it so I wouldn't choke out from two collars at my neck.
Hearing Dan's door open, I walked out into the hallway and followed him downstairs and out to Dad's waiting truck.
"So boys, where to?" Dad asked, weaving in and out of traffic.
"I dunno. Where you wanna eat D?"
"Hmm... The Holiday."
"What's there that's good?"
"Fajitas... Mmm."
"Oh god...Not you too..."
"Hmm?"
"Mexican fanatic...Just like Dad."
"It's not our fault it's so damn awesome!" They both shouted in unison.
Then, the went on... And on... About the glory of the mexican food at The Holiday. Their rant, however, was wasted on me, seeing as the only thing "mexican" I eat is tacos. And usually, they're from Taco Bell, so it really doesn't count. As they babbled endlessly about their favorite mexican foods, I zoned out completely until my pocket started buzzing. I love Ben's timing.
Ben: What up Joe: Goin to eat. You? Ben: Bored as FUCKING HELL. Mom and randy (my uncle) have been bitching at each other/me for the last hour Joe: Dont you have a room you can go hide in or somethin? Ben: ... Im sleepin on the couch. Fuck Joe: Shitty deal babe. How is it otherwise Ben: As i mentioned. Fucking boring. And I miss you Joe: Sorry to hear. And I miss you too. I'm wearing your aero shirt. The black one Ben: And Im wearin ur hoodie. And its not even cold Joe: We're here. Ill call you later k? Ben: Ok. Love u Joe: Love you too
With a heavy sigh I slid my phone back in my pocket and we all piled out of the truck. Walking up, I looked over at Dad and he had a grim look on his face.
"What's wrong Dad?" I asked, looking around.
"This a fuckin' bible thumper's convention or what..." He replied, nearly growling.
"Well... It's nearly one in the afternoon, and all those silly things are getting out about now..." Dan said. "And being right next to one of those doesn't help." He continued, pointing out the giant church next door.
"Why don't I remember that ever being here before?" He asked, opening the door for us.
"Maybe cause we've never been here on a sunday?" I answered.
"...Or in the daylight."
As we made our way through the entry way, we were stopped dead by a wall of people, all dressed in their Sunday best. I was starting to think coming here was a bad idea, until none other than Tristan appeared and pulled us through the mess. He sat us at one of the best tables in the place, threw some menus at us and vanished off into the back.
"Uhm... What just happened?" Dad asked, seeming rather confused.
"We just got seated? Never been to an actual restaraunt before?" Dan asked in a mocking tone.
"But... You saw all those people... There's no way he could have seen us."
"It's good having connections." Dan said, immitating Dad's snakey tone.
"So it was Trist you were texting. Nice." I chuckled, leaning back in my chair.
"Yessir."
"I didn't know you two were friends."
"we're not really. I have him in anatomy, and I helped him on a lab or two... Or all of them thus far."
"Ah-ha... So He owed you one."
"With how much he owes me, we could sit at this table -any- night of the week. For the next like month and a half."
"Haha excellent. Remind me to tip him decently Joe."
Flipping through the menu, I decided I wasn't that hungry and picked a generic burger. Dad and Dan however, once again went into a wild tangent on what was better than what. Rolling my eyes I stood up and went off to the bathroom to take a piss. When I returned, Tristan was sitting at the table. You'd never knew he worked there with the way he was conversing with us. But hey. Doesn't seem like a bad job if you can sit around and talk to customers all shift.
"So guys, what'll it be?" He asked, producing a notepad.
"It's always such a tough choice... But I'll have the steak fajita. Make sure it's spicy. I'm nursing a hangover." Dan said, sliding the menu back.
"I'll have the same. But hotter." Dad grinned.
"What about you Joe?"
"Meh... Burger and fries. Not feeling too adventurous."
"Ok. I'll sneak it in at the front."
"Thanks Trist."
"Oh. Nearly forgot. What to drink."
"I'll have a pepsi."
I glanced over at Dad... And I got kinda scared. He had the vicious competetion look oozing from his expression. He cracked a grin and leaned on his elbows, shooting a steely glance at Dan.
"In the words of Doug... The best way to detox... Is to retox." He hissed.
"You can't be serious." Dan replied, narrowing his eyes.
"Does this look like i'm joking? I'll buy... Hehehe."
"Oh for... Fine. But. AFTER we eat. I'd be done in two other wise."
"Looks like you're driving home Joe."
I blinked a few times and looked at them both like they were crazy.
"So uh... What do you two want to drink?" Tristan asked.
"Water." They both said in unison.
"Alright then. Two waters and a pepsi. Be right back with those."
As Tristan vanished into the crowd again, Dad and Dan stared each other down. I'm glad they had found new rivals. But not so glad it was on a Sunday afternoon after homecoming. They sat there, boosting their egos until the food arrived, which they instantly destroyed from their plates. I was bearly through my burger when they both slid their dishes to the center of the table and stared each other down again. With their egos at stifling levels, I slid out of my chair and went out to the bar with my soda and talked with the mildly attractive bartender. Green eyes, spikey blonde hair, decent face. He had an interestig little scar under his right eye which made him somewhat mysterious and a little sexy. We were having a nice talk until Dan and Dad appeared and made him get back to work.
"You picked the drinks last night. My turn... Two shots of that knock off absynthe and a chaser... To start." Dan grinned, making himself comfortable in his barstool.
"Oooh... Not messing around today hmm?"
"Does it sound like it?"
"Heh. Good."
"Uhm... I'll need to see some ID on that one sir." The bartender said, sounding a little nervous.
"It's fine. He's my son. I'll allow it."
"Well then... Guess I can't really say otherwise." He replied. "Comin' right up."
As the shots arrived, a splitting headache appeared. Not even wanting to think about alcohol, I said I was going out to the truck to take a nap. Saying goodbye to the bartender, Dad handed me the keys and I went out to the truck. As I opened the door, my phone started going off.
"Hello?"
"Hey bro. How's it goin'" Ben said.
"Oh hey! Just got done eating and didn't really feel like watching Dad and D drink more. They're hardcore rivals now."
"Haha nice nice."
"What are you up to babe?"
"We just got done eating too."
"Whacha have?"
"It was like... Whitecastle but not gross. We need one in Sparta."
"Remember what it was called?"
"Not really. My uncle's been chompin' on cigars all day so I'm kinda woozy."
"Oh sick. How's all that bullshit going anyways."
"I'd rather forget it ever happened. This fuckin' sucks. I can't wait for Friday."
"Me either."
We went on talking like we did when we first started going out. Just about random shit. It was nice. I didn't realize how bad I missed him until I looked at the timer on the phone and saw we'd been talking for an hour.
"Babe. I just looked at my phone, and we've been talking for an hour."
"I know. I did the same thing."
"You've bearly been gone 8 hours and I miss you like hell."
"Miss you too Joe."
"Sure you can't come back a day or two early?"
"I'd love nothing better. I'll ask later. But I gotta go. Meeting... A 3rd aunt or something. Talk to you later. Love you."
"Love you too. Talk to ya then."
-click-
Throwing my phone into the passenger seat I tilted the seat all the way back and zoned out, staring at the ceiling. I don't know how much time went by until I heard the passenger side door open.
"So... Let's go home now." Dad mumbled as Dan crawled in the back.
"Feeling pretty good huh?" I laughed as I readjusted the seat.
"All that booze from last night is still floating around our systems... Didn't take that much to get a buzz back." Dan said, sprawling out in the back.
"Aww. Lack luster performance today then?"
"Yeah, kinda... Uuugghhh..."
{Later on... At home}
"You... Bastard..." Dan muttered, falling onto the couch.
"Hahaha... Haha... Aw what's wrong kiddo? Your drunk come back on the way home?" Dad said, dropping into his chair and reclining it.
"It's bearly 4pm... And I'm hammered again."
"Thinkin' that stuff wasn't so much a knock off."
"Yeah... Me too."
Throwing the keys on the table, I dug around in the fridge for something to drink. Finding some grape juice, I snagged a glass from the cupbord and poured half a glass and went out into the living room, sitting on the arm of the couch next to Dan.
"You ok D?" I asked, downing the grape juice.
"That stuff, really isn't agreeing with me. School should be fun tomorrow."
"Isn't it always?"
Dad flipped on the Tv and we watched some horrible B horror movie until mom came home. Retelling the events of the day, all she did was laugh at Dad and Dan and went off to make dinner. Just as the overly predictable ending began, Mom called us into the kitchen for dinner. She made my absolute favorite: Home made pizza. I could live off that forever. FOR. EVER. Mom and I ate at a regular pace, while the other two were in some time warp, eating slower than I thought possible. By this time, it was about 5:30 and I really didn't feel like doing anything else. I helped mom clean up, and went off to my room.
Sitting down in Ben's chair, I snagged my cigs off the table and lit another.
"That's two today... This is gonna be a looong week." I mumbled, taking a slow drag.
Blowing a few smoke rings, I flipped on my tv and zoned out. This week was gonna be alot harder than I thought. Usually at this time on a sunday, we'd be sitting around doing homework, watching a movie, or just cuddling. I didn't realize it, but I'd become extremely attached to Ben. As my thoughts wandered more, my pocket started making noise. Excitedly looking at the number, my heart sank a bit. It was Tony.
"Hello?" I answered, ripping off Dan's monotone
"Hey buddy. How's it going?" He asked, sounding in an upbeat mood.
"Bleh. Kinda bored. You?"
"Just got to Chicago. This hotel rocks."
"It took you 9 hours to get to Chicago from here?"
"No... We took a horribly long detour at some relatives I didn't know I had."
"Oh... Fuuuun..."
"Yeah not so much. Lots of 'I havn't seen you since you were this bigyaddayaddayadda"
"Hahaha. Shitty Deal. So what's up."
"Just checkin' in. Is Dan there? He's not pickin' up his phone."
"There's a pretty good chance he's passed out on the couch. We just ate."
"It's like... Bearly 6."
"Oh, by the way. He and Dad are rivals now."
"Oh god."
"And you can see where it goes from there."
"Mmhmm. Well. I'm gonna go swimming. Talk to you in a few days."
"Ok bud. Later."
"See ya."
-click-
I bearly put the phone down and it went off again.
"It's Thursday alreay?! Sweet!" I chuckled.
"Yeah. Forgot to ask. Did little bro make it to the Nazi's ok?"
"Haha yeah. He's not enjoying himself."
"I wouldn't either. Tell the little bastard I miss him and we're getting drunk when we all get back."
"Hahahahahah. Ok, will do. Now go swimming damnit."
"SIR YES SIR!"
-click-
What a fluff. But I love him anyways. Again, I no sooner put my phone down and it went off again. But this time, it was the call I'd been hoping for.
"Heya."
"Hey babe. How's it going."
"Bored. And I miss you."
"Same here. To both of those. How was your day?"
"Not really worth remembering. Went to lunch, Dad and D got drunk. Came home, sat around, ate dinner, talked to Tony, and now I'm talking to you."
"Haha. How's his trip whatever."
"Good. He says he misses us and we're all getting tanked when we're all back."
"Haha great."
"So. How was day one."
"Blah. I'm really glad I don't live here. It sucks."
"I can imagine."
"I don't think you'd want to. And this appartment is too small for three people."
"Hahahaha. Take it your dad is walking away well off from the divorce?"
"Yes. Very."
We talked for another hour or so before Dan wandered into the room and fell onto my bed.
"D. Say hi to Ben." I said, holding out the phone.
"HI BROTHER!!" He shouted into the phone.
"Well... Thanks for destroying my ear D." Ben shouted back.
"Anyways, yeah. I'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed."
"That sounds like an good idea."
"So. G'night Ben. Love you."
"Love you too. G'night."
-click-
With a slight frown I tossed my phone onto the bed and stood up, looking over Dan.
"what's up D?" I asked, emptying my pockets.
"Bored... And..." He replied, rolling onto his side, facing me.
"...And?"
"Kinda down. Have been all week."
"Well. Gimme like 15 minutes and you'll have my full attention."
"Ok. Behave in there haha."
Shooting him a smug grin, I grabbed a pair of boxers off the dresser and went off to the bathroom.
{Fast Forward: 18 minutes... No behaving was done}
Walking back to my room, I spotted Dan stretched out on his bed. I slowly opened the door and shuffled over to the side of the bed and sat down next to him.
"You don't look so good D." I said, looking him over again.
"I don't feel so good." He replied, rolling onto his stomach.
"What's wrong big guy?"
"... I feel kinda left behind."
"Uhh... What?"
"...Fuck. I dunno."
"Just talk. Get it out."
"Like... everyone else is progressing, but I'm stuck in the same place."
"How so."
"Well. You and Ben. I guess I'm jealous."
"How can you... Uh... Better question: What are you jealous of?"
"How you two have each other no matter what. And how you depend on each other. And how damn happy you both seem to be."
"This is really strange coming from you... I thought you hated all that romatic mushy shit."
"I do. To no end. But I don't think I'd hate it if I had it."
"Hmm... How long have you been thinking this?"
"Well. For awhile. But after Doug..."
"Ahh... I see I see."
".............."
He looked at me with an extremely dull expression. Closing his eyes, he sighed heavily and put his pillow over his head. I felt a little sting in my chest and leaned on him, rubbing his back, trying to reassure him. Laying down next to him, I pulled the pillow off his head and threw my arm over his shoulders.
"I don't like feeling so damn alone."
"D. You aren't though."
"...You know what I mean Joe."
"...Yeah. But as long as I'm around, you'll never be totally alone. Promise."
"I just want someone to hold... Guess I'm more jealous than I thought haha."
"It's ok. It's been rough since Doug. And I think you've been the strongest one out of all of us."
"Then why do I feel like shit if I'm the strongest."
"You've been holding it all in havn't you."
He turned his head and looked at me with one of the saddest looks I've ever seen. The sting in my chest turned into a stab as he looked through me. Without a second thought, I slid my other arm under him and held him against me. Burying his face in my shoulder, he sighed heavily again and wrapped his arms around me.
"You could have said something before." I whispered, rubbing his back some more.
"I know... But you have enough to deal with."
"D."
"Yeah."
"Just get it out. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up like this."
"I had no-"
"Dan. You've always been able to come to me. Why didn't you."
"Because... Well. I don't know. It seemed like you and Ben were always preoccipied and I didn't wanna kill your day with my emoness."
"Pfft. It's not emo. Cause we actually have stuff to be distraught about."
"Point noted."
"... It'll get better. Just give it time Dan."
We just laid there for awhile, not saying anything. My thoughts were swirling around, not staying in one place for too long. I guess,when it comes down to it, I'm a terrible worrier. Worried about Dan. Worried about Ben. Worried about almost everything.
Slipping out of my grasp, Dan sat up and pulled off his shirt, revealing the wall of muscle that made up his upper half. I'd never really looked at Dan before. Sure, there were the few glances, trying to sneak a peek etc., but I'd never "looked" at him before. He's a good looking guy, but I don't think he thinks that. I'm pretty sure he could get anyone he wanted if he had a bit more confidence.
Everyone at school had noticed, save for Ben and me. They even made a few mentions of it, but I dismissed it as him being tired, or the person talking to me as being crazy. Evryone said he'd changed alot after Doug died, and I just then realized they were right.
"He we doing D?" I asked, putting my hands behind my head.
He shook his head and stood up, stretching a bit. He grabbed a pair of shorts and quickly changed into them and sat back down, dropping his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry..." He mumbled, running his fingers through his hair.
"What for big guy?" I said as I sat up next to him.
"For not coming to you before."
"Don't worry about it. Just don't forget you can come to me whenever you need to."
"Thanks Joe... Seriously."
"You're welcome. And now I'm gonna go to bed. G'night D."
"G'night brother."
I gave him another hug and went off to my room. Sitting down on the bed I flipped open my phone to find a text from ben waiting for me.
Ben: I dont like sleepin on couches. Or by myself. Call me when ur done with school. Love you Joe: I dont like sleeping alone either, and will do. Love you too. G'nite ben
Sprawling out on the bed, I blankly stared at the computer screen. The background is a good one. It's a shot of Ben and me passed out and tangled up in each other. Before I could think too much about it, there was a knock on the door.
"It's open."
Dan opened the door and walked in, dropping onto the bed next to me. Sitting up, I dropped an arm on his shoulder and rubbed his arm.
"what's up D." I asked, dropping my head on his shoulder.
"... This is gonna sound strange coming from me..." He mumbled, sounding uneasy "Can... Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"Heh. I was gonna ask the same thing earlier... But figured you wanted to be alone."
"...."
"Sure you can."
"... Thanks."
"Hit the light would ya?"
"Sure thing."
As the lights cut out, massive wave of loneliness hit me, very hard. With a sigh, I rolled over and grabbed Ben's pillow, pressing my face into it and inhaling deeply. The smell of axe filled my senses with what I can only describe as regret. I don't know -why- it was regret, but it was, and it hurt. Climbing over me, Dan leveled out and let out a heavy sigh as he tried to make himself comfortable.
"You ok bro?" he asked, rolling over on his side to face me.
I didn't say anything as he looked at me through the dark. Silently, he put his arm over me and pulled me into him, holding me tightly. and for some reason, this set me off. I couldn't stop the rush of tears as they shot to my eyes.
"What's wrong bro?"
"Thursday... Will mark a month... "
"..."
"Yeah... I hope Ben's back by then."
"Tony won't be though."
"...I-"
"No. No more tonight. Let's try not to think about it until then."
"sniff Ok."
"I'm about ready to pass out. Goodnight Joe."
"Yeah, g'night D."
Sighing heavily, I rolled over and grabbed Ben's pillow again. Throwing his arm over me, Dan put his head on my shoulder.
"It'll be fine."
{Day 1}
My eyes shot open in the dark as the alarm blared at full volume. Groggily swinging in the general direction, I knocked the clock off the table and amazingly disabled it(go me!). Slowly sitting up, I looked around as the first rays of light started pouring in the window. Glancing over I found Dan, still out cold. That guy can sleep through a typhoon I swear. With a smirk, I rolled him over and poked him in the chest repeatedly.
"Dan... Hey Dan... Time to wake up..." I whispered.
With a sickening groan he sat up and looked at still mostly asleep.
"You need the shower?" He asked, scratching at his side.
"Nah. Go for it."
"Thanks."
Climbing over me, he shuffled out the door and into the bathroom as I reached over for the table lamp. Flicking it on I tried to focus, only to fail and deal with my morning blurry vision until the grogginess left me. It's strange not waking up with Ben. There wasn't the set of arms around my chest, or the smell off too much body wash used the night before to wake me up. But waking up to Dan zonked out next to me wasn't a completely bad sight... Except he drools.
Forcing myself out of bed, I went over to the dresser and dug out some clothes before heading for the bathroom at the other end of the house. Snagged my toothbrush and such from my bathroom and nearly got taken out by Dan, who was still mostly asleep walking around the corner. The house seems so much bigger and imposing when you're half asleep and in your boxers. Oh, and cold too.
"Good morning Seth." Dad beamed, sipping his coffee at the kitchen counter.
"grumble Awful cheery for this hour wouldn't you say?" I spat back, squinting from the ALL the lights on at 6am.
"But today will be a good day!" He announced, striking the Captain Morgan pose.
"How the HELL could a monday be good? I asked, taking a seat with a large yawn.
"The people I'm showing houses to today are mostly braindead! It'll be like robbery! Hahahaha!" He chuckled, sounding more devious by the second.
"You're evil...you know that right?"
All he did was smile widely as I shook my head and continued on to the bathroom. Took a piss, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and went back to the living room. Sprawling out on the couch I nodded off until Dan shook me awake, telling me it was time to go. Pulling me to my feet, he elbowed me in the side and smiled at me.
"How's it going" He asked, messily tying back his hair.
"Hard to tell yet... How about you?" I replied with a yawn.
"I think it'll be ok today. You just wanna ride with me today?"
"Don't you have football after school?"
"Just JV practice today, they got a game tomorrow."
"Ah. Sure then."
"Meet me at the car."
Sadly, the soccer team was taken out of competition a game before the playoffs... Not too pleased about that. Ran up to my room, quickly grabbed my things and walked out to Dan's car.
{Later on...}
Woooohoooo... 3rd period triginometry. Probably my least favorite class of all time. It was even more unbearable because Ben wasn't there to help me. For the record, I'm completely terrible at math. It's a wonder I'm in that class at all. What makes it worse, is Mr. Honda has one of the most grating, mind numbing and snooze inducing voices on earth. The only thing that keeps my awake most of the time(besides Ben poking me in the side when my head hits the desk) is the fact that Mr. Honda looks kinda like Blanka from Street Fighter, minus the green skin.
"So class theblahblahblahblahmathtermsblahblahblahangelsblahSETHWAKEUPblahblahblah." He droned on as someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I reluctantly propped my elbows up on the desk and dropped my head into my hands and pretended to pay attention until class was over. Not only was it turning into an extremly long day, it was shaping up to be an extremely long week as well. As the bell rang, I quickly gathered up my stuff and went off to my locker. I hate walking through the halls. So many people, so little space. and of course, my locker is on the complete opposite side of the building than most of my classes, so I end up carrying alot of books more often than not, but being mostly asleep when we got to school today, I totally spaced getting my stuff for psychology. Yay for running.
The fourth bell rang just as I stepped into the room. Slightly out of breath, I looked around the room for an open seat. Catching my attention, Josh waves me over and I go, seeing as its the only seat left. Dropping into the seat, I took a few breaths and spread my stuff out on the desk, seeing if I actually grabbed the right stuff.
"How's it going dude?" Josh asked, leaning back in his chair.
"Blah. Sucks so far today..." I replied, digging in my pocket for a writing stick.
"Yeah, mondays are hell." he sighed, quickly checking his phone. "Can't wait to get the hell out of here."
"Haha me either."
We rambled on a bit before the teacher told us to quiet down and started the class. I have this lovely habit of zoning out when my thoughts are elsewhere. I cringed at the thought of Ben being dragged around the town he was in by his mom, being shown things she thought he had zero interest in.
There was one incident where I was with them on a shopping trip. It was... Interesting to say the least. She somehow convinced us to go to the Mall of America with her and a few of her friends from work. Luckily, we drove ourselves, as to not be stuck in a car for three hours with a bunch of hormonal women about to go shopping... ANYWAYS, we were wandering around with the WALKIE TALKIES they gave us before we entered tha mall, and were messing around on the security fequency to keep us entertained, until the women got on the same channle and chewed us out, giving the rent-a-cops a good laugh(assholes).
Before I knew it, the bell rang, snapping me out of my trance. I grabbed my stuff and walked off to my next class, passing Dan and a few other people on the way.
{Later on... At lunch}
My head was still spinning from the SUPER SECRET SUPRISE TEST in physics the class before as I dropped into my usual seat at the lunch table. I blankly watched all the freshmen run up to the lunch line, like there wasn't enough food for all eight thousand of them(not -that- many but there were alot compared to other classes). A few minutes passed and Dan appeared in the seat next to me, followed by Josh and our newest partner in crime, Evan.
"So guys how's it going so far?" Dan said in his usual monotone.
"Bllllaaaaaaaahhhhhh." Josh grumbled as he faceplanted on the table.
"You get the super secret physics test too?" Dan asked.
"The WHAT?!" Both Evan and Josh screamed.
"Uh... Nothing at all! Go get food!"
I bit my lip to keep from laughing them both in the face as the frustratedly pushed themselves to their feet. Dan nudged me in the side and we all went to go get food. The choice of the day was tacos, pizza, or the unbearably gross salad bar. With the first two choices being my favorite things on earth, I got both. As we got back to the table, the other usual suspects had filtered in. Corey, Tristan, Heather and Cassi, and some poor little freshmen whos name I never remember. We just call him monkey, cause well...he looks like one.
The girls were babbling like usual while we all sat and pretended to pay attention.
"Hey... Seth." Monkey started. "Have you seen Ben today?"
"He's gone this week." I sighed, shooting him a look. "Why do you ask?"
"Cause he said he'd help me with my wrestling after school today." He said, looking more lost by the second.
"Well, that's gonna have to wait til he gets back I guess. D could probably help you..." I said, cracking a sly grin. "He doesn't have football after school today."
"Wow could you really?!" Monkey beamed, looking at Dan like he'd found a new best friend. "That would be great!"
Dan mumbled a few unmentionables under his breath as Monkey slid his chair closer to him. I once again had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, and Dan was murdering me with his looks. Monkey wasn't too bad looking. 14, skinny, about 5'7" I'd say. Only glaring detail are his ears. They aren't like satilite dishes, they're just attached at an odd angle to his skull.
"Dan could use a new friend while Tony's gone." I chuckled, finishing off my pizza.
Dan leaned over to me and pulled me closer.
"I hate you so much right now." He hissed in my ear, clamping down on my shoulder with his vice-like grip.
The pain was keeping me from laughing, but it could have gone either way. After lunch, the day went on rather uneventfully. German kinda sucked though... I didn't have my usual study partner. Seeing as Dan had a new obligation after school, I conned a ride home out of Tristan.
I didn't realize how utterly boring my house was when no one was home. Good god. Even with my music blasting, the place was seriously lacking in entertainment. You can only watch the same movies so many times before you recite the entire script to yourself in the opening credits. ~you don't talk about fight club~ What crap. Someone HAD to, at some point, be hounded by their wife or whatever as to why he's come home looking like total hell. You can only fall down the stairs so many times before it's suspicious or your partner ditches you for being a masocist.
As I overthought Fight Club, I didn't realize how long that movie actually was, and when I looked at the clock, it was already quarter to six. A little bewildered, I reached for my phone and called Ben, who I said I'd call right after school.
"Hey babe. How's it goin'?" Ben asked as he answered.
"Sorry I didn't call you before, got a bit caught up watching Fight Club."
"AGAIN?! We've watched that movie like five times in the last like three weeks!"
"I know I know, but no one else was home and I was bored."
"Where's D?"
"Hehehe... Remember how you were supposed to help Monkey with his wrestling today?"
".............AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That kid, holy shit."
"Haha which one?"
"Monkey... Hahaha."
"Why'd you agree to help the squirt anyways?"
"Coach said to 'set a good example' or some crap like that. All the freshmen fail SO hard."
"Well, you are like the best on the team next to D."
"I dunno why I kicked his ass so bad before homecoming though..."
"Who knows. So, how was your day?"
"Very boring. Got ALL of my homework done while those two were off at work or where ever."
"Oh good... Cause I nearly offed myself in Honda's class today."
"Haha. No one there to keep you awake?"
"Somebody did, but I don't know who's in the class besides you... Anyways, help me out."
"Ok, let me get my suff."
For the next two hours we knocked out most of my homework for that insufferable class. After having myself a well deserved cigarette, Ben chimed in and said he could hear me smoking, and proceeded to lecture me on it.
"Dinner's done."
"Yeah here too."
"Love you bro. I'll call you before I go to sleep."
"Ok. Love you too."
-Click-
As I closed my phone, Dan and Dad appeared at the door and pulled me out of my chair. Apparently Mom didn't want to cook so she demanded we go out. We all piled into Dad's truck and went off to Arby's. Cheap and effective, and damn good to boot. Went in, ordered, ate, and came home to laze about while watching The 13th Warrior. By the end, it was coming on 10:30 and I decided to call it a night. I said goodnight to everyone and went off to the bathroom for a quick shower before calling Ben back and saying good night.
{Days 2 and 3}
Days two and three were exactly like day one with the exception of me missing Ben more and Mom making chili for dinner(then leftovers the following night), so I won't bother rewriting it here :)
{Day 4, one month since -that- day}
In anticipation of a shitty day, Dan slept next to me the night before. We stayed up until about one ranting off random thoughts, what we wanted to do with our lives, all that stuff. Needless to say, the alarm went off far to early for either of our likings(if something is needless to say... why do we say it anyways?).
"Hey... Wake the hell up." Dan said, shaking me awake.
"MmmmmmNo." I replied, rolling over and hiding under the blanket.
"C'mon. You gotta... i don't want to be alone at school today."
"Hmm?.... Oh... Right..."
We sat there for a while in the dark, waking up to a shitty day. Sitting up next to him, I dropped my arm over his shoulder and leaned on him, hanging my head abit. Silently he did the same thing before putting me in a full on bearhug.
"If you wanna leave at any time today, let me know so I can come with." He whispered in my ear.
"Will do big guy."
"Love ya dude."
"Love you too D."
As Dan trudged off to the shower, I pulled myself out of bed and threw on some clothes. Sitting back down on my bed, I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding a text from Ben.
Ben: When you get home from school today, open the top right desk drawer. I'll call you tonite. Love you. AND DONT YOU DARE OPEN IT NOW >:O!!!
I was EXTREMELY tempted to open the drawer right then, but I knew that he'd know I peeked early. with a slight smile, I collected my stuff for school and went downstairs to wait for Dan. He takes the longest showers EVER by the way. I sat for a good fourty five minutes before I heard him come down the stairs. As we walked out to our cars, the sky was stunningly clear... Just like it was a month prior.
The whole day my thoughts were preoccupied with what was waiting in my desk at home. It was actually a brilliant idea to keep my mind off what was actually going on. There was a little memorial thing in the commons all day, and i nearly lost my mind when we walked past it walking into school. The rest of the day was spent not paying attention to a damn thing and thinking of what Ben had in store for me. Every time I seriously thought about it my heart bounced around in my chest and my head filled with all sorts of ideas... And I got a full hardon in physics from it.
As the final bell rang, I exited the gym locker room and quickly walked out to my car. Dan had a football game that night and needed to stay after for all those goony pregame rituals so I drove myself that day. Starting my car, my heart started bouncing around in my chest again and I got all sorts of excited as I pulled out of the parking lot. And of course, by default, I hit every red light in town on the way home. I bearly put my car in park as I burned into the driveway. Ripped the keys from the ignition, grabbed my stuff and practically ran inside and up to my room.
I tossed my books and such on my bed and dropped into my computer chair, slowly opening the top right drawer to find a sealed envelope with my name written in Ben's horrible chicken scratch. My heart was pounding as I slowly pulled open the envelope to find a folded letter.
To Seth: The best thing thats's ever happened to me-
As you read this, I'm still trapped with that fucking nazi of a mother, and it's been a month since Doug died. I want nothing more than to be with you right now, but I can't be. But now for what I really wanna say. I love you. So much. Without you I'm positive I'd be dead right now. Without you, I'd be so damn straight laced, boring, and lacking in so many things, like parents that actually give a shit about me, the terror twins, and hell, even Evan and Monkey. I'm writing this while you're in the shower so I gotta hurry it up a bit lol. I love you, and never EVER want to lose you. Because you're my brother, my lover, my best friend, and so much more that I don't have words for. I love everything about you, except that you can drink more than I can haha. I miss you so bad already, and I haven't even left yet. But the shower just turned off so I'll talk to you in a minute.
-Ben <3
As my eyes scanned over the last line, I broke into tears. There was nothing I could do about it. I'd never felt so... Loved, before. I slumped over onto the bed and buried my face in Ben's pillow and cried like a bitch for a good ten minutes before I felt a hand on my back.
"Hey... Son... What's wrong?" My Dad asked, rubbing my back.
I didn't say anything as I sat up and handed him Ben's letter. He read it over and smiled as he looked back at me.
"That was so sweet I think I just got a cavity." He chuckled, pulling me into a hug.
"I miss him. So bad." I cried into his shoulder.
"I miss him too Joe. The house feels so empty."
"And today really fucking sucked." I sobbed.
"Yeah. I didn't go to work today." He replied, rubbing my back more. "Did you wanna go see him?"
"Not without everyone else."
"Understandable. Love you son."
"Love you too Dad."
"When's D's game?"
"Seven... I don't wanna go."
"Well, we are, so you can get your mind off things for a little bit. No buts about it."
"I... Wanna take a nap first."
"Ok. I'll wake you up when mom gets home."
"Alright."
He hugged me tight before disappearing down the stairs, leaving me to my thoughts. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and held the 2 button, speed dialing Ben.
"Heya." He answered.
"I fucking love you."
"Read my letter?"
"Yes. And I lost my mind cause you aren't here."
"I'll be home tomorrow night. Gonna escape while they go out to the bar haha."
"Thank god... I miss you so much."
"Miss you too Joe. But I gotta go get ready for dinner. I guess we're going to some fancy place."
"sniff Ok. We're going to D's football game, so I'll call you after. I love you Ben."
"Love you too Joe. Talk to you then."
-click-
With a heavy sigh I closed my phone and fell backwards on the bed, clutching Ben's pillow to my chest. It seemed like five seconds from when I fell asleep to when Dad shook me awake. I groggily sat up and got my bearings before awkwardly making my way out to the truck.
The football game was one of the most boring things I'd ever watched. We crushed the opposition FIFTY FOUR TO SEVEN. It was like watching Varsity versus 8th grade. As the final whistle blew we made a quick escape to taco Bell then home to find Dan asleep on the couch.
"Wake up it's time for bed!" I said, jumping on top of him.
All I got was a look of sheer horror as his eyes shot open, forcing a few laughs out of me and the parents. Helping him to his feet, we said goodnight to the parents and we went up to our rooms. As I heard Dan's door close, I pulled out Ben's letter again and read it a few times before calling him back. We talked for an hour or so before he decided it was time for him to go to bed, which was good because I was oddly tired as well. Went and took a quick shower and returned to my room, sliding under the covers and promptly falling asleep.
Firstly, my dreams are fuuuuuucked up. Not like grim and omenous, just hardcore screwy. As this particular dream started, I was walking down the street of some generic movie city. Looking around, I noticed there weren't many people around, and only a handful of cars on the road. Walking up to an intersection, I looked around to find none other than Dane Cook running at me. "Whoa Dane Cook!" I thought as he leveled me. A bit confused, I try to get up, but in the collision he fell with me, landing on top of me, where he proceeded to yell at me about flaming green fish and flat Mountain Dew. I blinked and I was suddenly in a darkend room with a single flickering bulb in the ceiling. In the periods of light, I could see a fgure sitting in the corner smoking. As I looked around some more, I found myself on a cot near a boarded up window with some light pouring onto the floor. I looked back at the figure to find he's the bartender from The Holiday the Sunday before. He slowly stands and walks across the room. "Why the hell am I dreaming about this nameless guy?" I wondered as he sat at the foot of the cot, giving me a sly look. I tried to sit up, but I couldn't... I was strapped down to the bed! My thoughts were racing as he got face to face with me and layed down on top of me. His green eyes stared into mine as the room slowly started to fade...
I was suddenly completely concious with a weight on me. "Is this still a dream?" I mumbled as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and hold me tightly. Inhaling sharply, my senses went wild with the overly framiliar scent.
"No, this isn't a dream Joe." Ben said, kissing my neck gently.
"So... You're really here and on top of me?" I asked, clinging onto him.
"Yes, yes I am. I fucking missed you baby." He replied, planting a kiss on my forehead.
Then, reality completely set in, and I let out an excited yell. I ran my hands over his back and held him more tightly than he was holding me as I totally gave into emotion and buried my face in his neck as I started to cry. It's rediculous how much I love this guy. Just totally crazy.
"But..." I started, looking over at the clock. "I just talked to you like an hour ago... Holman's farther than that."
"I was driving when you called." He said, getting under the blankets with me and wiping away a few of my tears.
"Hahaha... Awesome. How did you escape early?" I asked, kissing his cheek.
"I'm no longer her legal son." He replied with a large smile.
"... What?"
"I was bored while they were gone, so I called up your dad to see how I could get divorced from her. Then I went and filled out all the paper work and yeah, I'm my own person now."
"... That's great!"
"I know!"
"But what about your dad?"
"He gave up custody when I moved in here... Real nice guy..."
"Hmm... Well, sweet. No more stress from her for a long time to come. Turkey day at earliest."
"Haha yeah. Joe. I love you."
"I love you too Ben. Love you too."
After he told he how horribly bored he was, we had an exrtemely hot and satisfying make out session, followed by a few solid hours of sleep until we were both pulled out of bed by the terror twins at 4:38am.
"Put some clothes on." The both said, slapping us around a bit.
"Hey- OW. What the fu- HEY STOP... Tony?! Aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?" I protested, trying to keep my junk in my shorts.
I had this plan the whole time hehehe. Can't let my brothers be alone on such a day."
"What are we doing at this hour anyways?" Ben yawned, leaning on me.
"We're going to see Doug." Dan said, giving us both a look. "Today's not over until the sun comes up."
We all stood there for a minute in silence before Ben and I got dressed. As we shook the last bit of sleepyness from our heards, we snuck downstairs to find my dad leaning on the door, arms crossed over his chest with a sly grin on his face.
"And just where do you think you boys are going hmm? And welcome home Ben and Tony."
"We're going to see Doug, and thanks Wes." Tony smirked.
"Ahh I see I see... Mind if I come along?" He asked, looking us over.
"Not at all. Now c'mon, sun's coming up." Dan said, motioning at the door.
Without a word, we all piled out the door and into separate vehicles. Dad drove himself, I rode with Ben and Dan went with Tony. Apparently, there are no cops out at that hour, so our 20 minute drive turned into more like 10 ahaha. I don't know about the other guys, but Ben and I didn't talk on the way there, we just quietly held hands and listened to In Flames[his favorite band] until we pulled into the cemetary.
The walk over to Doug's grave was silent save for our footsteps on the concrete walkway and the world starting to wake up around us. As we drew closer, Ben put his arm around my waiste and held me against him as we walked. I did the same as we got there. I looked at the others and sat down on the grass, feeling the morning dew between my fingers as I leaned back on my arms.
"... So It's been a month huh?" Tony asked, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah..." I said with a sigh.
"We doing ok?" He asked as everyone but Dan and Ben sat down.
There was a long silence as we all blankly stared at Doug's grave stone. My eyes started to tear up, but before I could lose it I was quickly pulled into Ben's embrace. Even though it had been a month [a year and 3 months as this is written], it all felt so raw and exposed as we sat there with his gravestone staring us in the face. I was amazed at the number of flowers and other assorted items literally piled on and around the headstone. and to think, none of us brought anything.
We all looked back as we heard wheels on gravel. Cocking an eyebrow, I peered at the approaching vehicle. I couldn't really tell what it was because the sun was causing a painful glare. Seeing as it was about 5am when we left, and we took Ben's car, I forgot or rather, didn't even think to grab my sunglasses from my car. They also would have helped hide the tears I was severly holding back.
I kept looking as I heard two doors slam closed and the sound of footsteps approaching. As the two escaped the glare, my jaw dropped as I realised who it was: Tristan and Corey. I couldn't even say hello before Corey had me in a bearhug.
"Morning guys." Tristan said with a slight yawn.
Everyone else nodded in response as Corey put me down and instantly attached to Ben. Tony said he'd informed them of his plan days ago, and were more than willing to make an appearence. He [Tony] may seem like a total airhead at times, but he's one of the few I'd trust with my life. After a few minutes of random babble, we had another long silence, all of us shoulder to shoulder looking at Doug's grave.
With the sun firmly in the sky, we all let out a drawn out sigh and glanced at each other.
"So... Who's all going to school today?" My dad asked, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at Ben and I.
"Not us." The Terror Twins answered in unison.
"I'm not." Tristan replied, leaning on Corey.
"Yeah, me either." Corey said, leaning back on Tristan.
"... Ben? Seth?" Dad said, looking at us sideways.
"Well, I'm about ready to go back to bed." Ben said, looking at me slyly.
"Heh... Yeah, me too." I replied, kissing his forehead.
"Well, everyone's welcome at our place for as long as need be." Dad announced, making his way back to his truck.
"Thanks Mr. Barton." Corey said, also making for his car.
"You guys go ahead... We're gonna stick around for a bit." Ben said, giving me a look.
"... Ok, see you at home then." Dan said as he and Tony made for Tony's car.
As everyone else left, Ben and I sat back down. We were quiet for a good 10 minutes before either of us said anything at all. Silently, I put my left arm over his shoulder and half hugged him as he dropped his head. Pulling him into my lap, I wrapped my arms around his midsection and dropped my head on his shoulder.
"You ok bro?" I asked, gently rubbing his sides.
"... I didn't really think about it until we got here... Was occupied all day with that legal shit." He replied, leaning back into me.
"Yeah... I was too busy thinking of what was in that envelope haha. Thanks for that by the way."
"Heh, no problem."
"... I miss him."
"Me too Joe, Me too..."
"I'm about ready to go home... How about you?"
"Yeah."
With one last glance at the grave, we stood up and made for Ben's car, not looking back. The ride home was VERY loud as we punished our eardrums with Windir and Kalmah. When we got back, we walked in the house to find everyone scattered around the living room, sound asleep. Motioning to Ben, we grabbed a bunch of blankets from the closet and covered everyone up before heading up to my room. 6:37am... Awesome. We stripped down to our boxers [of which Ben was wearing a pair of mine >:O!] and climbed into bed. Even upstairs, we could hear everyone sawing logs in the living room.
"I'm so glad I don't have to hold your pillow anymore." I said with a chuckle, snuggling up with him.
"Atleast you had a pillow! I got like...an armchair pillow." he replied, sliding his arm under me.
"Well you're back now, and that's what counts." I whispered, kissing his chest. "Love you Ben."
"Love you too Joe."
END: Chapter 4: Separation_Anxiety
NEXT: Chapter 5: Holiday_Madness
SPECIAL THANKS TO: Ben, The Terror Twins, Mom and Dad, Number Zero fan, and all of you people who read these diaries of debauchery.
Comments and the like can be sent to antiversum@yahoo.com. Your emails keep me writing this crap haha.