Chapter 10: Losing
For a while, I don't hear Maria's voice at all. I don't hear the music either. The only sound in the yoga studio is Sandra's lips on mine. Then the shuffle of clothing as it comes off. Then the heat of breathy moans. Then the swish of wet pussies. Then the slapping of skin as I finger her. Then the muted shrieks of orgasm.
"Her turn," says Maria, finally. I look up at her from my belly as I take my mouth away from Sandra's tan thighs. Maria is naked as well. Goddess, what happened to her body? I can see the hardness of muscle, almost as though Reyna made her do nothing but work out when she wasn't servicing her goddess. But in the dim light I can see the faint trace of lines (scars?) and bruises all over her. Is this the kind of woman I'm giving myself to?
Of course she is. I've seen Reyna with June and Kathy. I remember what Maria did to June out of devotion to her goddess. This isn't some pleasure resort I'm selling myself to. It's hell. It's oblivion. It's nothingness.
You won't need a body there.
The voice is thick and hisses in the back of my mind. I can hear it in Reyna's accent.
Your body is only for your goddess.
Yes. I exist to serve. My body is just to serve.
Your body is for her to play with.
Even in pain, I can serve her. I can serve her until there is nothing of me left. She wants me to be as mindful as the furniture, and that's a kind of death. Maria is dead. Soon I will die too. Then we can serve together.
Maria gestures for me to stop playing with Sandra's pussy. I obey. I fall back on my elbows and spread my legs wide. Sandra looks to her new mistress. I can't wait until she meets the goddess behind the mistress. Maria nods, and Sandra falls forward and dives into my pussy.
I thank my goddess for choosing a lesbian for this. Sandra already knows her way around a pussy, and instead of rushing, takes her time giving me slow licks and gentle circles. She barely touches my clit. Instead, I'm teased by gentle fingers running around my upper thigh. Her tongue stays with the outer lips of my pussy, and I breathe in sharp and shallow gasps.
Compared to Maria, Sandra is a beautiful contrast. They are both small and lithe women, but Maria is now chiseled rock whereas Sandra is a ripe fruit. Her whole body hints at more body, and more body is more nerves, and more nerves means more pleasure. She is a garden labyrinth of warm delights to Maria's barren wasteland.
At first, I can't keep my eyes off of Sandra. Her long hair cascades off of her back and tickles my leg. Her tongue reaches deeper and I can't imagine how long her tongue it is. Deeper and deeper she goes. Her nose presses against my clit, and she shakes her head, driving me wild. I run my hands through her hair and undo the ponytail. There's more hair than I can imagine, and it's beautiful. It's long and straight, pitch black, and draping over her head perfectly. Mine would tangle or poof or look ridiculous coming out of a ponytail. But it's not comical. It's pornographic, and my mind goes right to Reyna's hair. Reyna's is shorter than Sandra, but it has the same easy silkiness.
Reyna is coming. Maria is the entree. Soon, I'll be feasting at Reyna's pleasure until I expire. Life will be so simple. Work will be like dreaming. Nothing will be stressful. There won't be questions and decisions. There won't be despair or frustration. There will be Reyna and only Reyna. Her pets will be my sisters that I can forget at the snap of a finger. When Reyna is done with me, I will die. My mind will be off forever. Nothing can hurt me if I don't have a mind. There is so much freedom in submission. How could I ever want to be a goddess? What kind of moron am I? To think, I could have given myself to Reyna weeks ago. I could be working with Maria to enslave Sandra, not working against her. Not like I put up much of a fight.
Old Sarah would be disappointed. I failed. But Future Sarah doesn't feel disappointment. Failure means more Reyna. Failure is success. Nothing can be taken from me if I have my goddess. Life can be so simple, so easy, so soon.
Maria kneels next to me and jerks my chin towards her. She hisses at me: "You lost."
"Yessss," I moan.
She slaps me. My body feels the sting, but my mind can't. My mind is in my pussy with Sandra's tongue. Nothing can hurt my mind anymore. "You dumb bitch," she spits at me. I smile back at her. Sandra finds my g-spot. My back arches, and I gasp again. "You don't understand," says Maria.
Sandra works her fingers to my clit while her tongue plays with the folds of my pussy. Her free hand reaches for my tits and finds a nipple. She plays with it and my world goes white. I hear Maria hissing at me. She's saying something that might be important. But she isn't Sandra or Sandra's tongue. The tongue is all that matters now. My pussy is all that matters. I can listen to my pussy now. I can think there and Maria becomes nothing but noise.
"Stop, slut," barks Maria. Sandra immediately pulls away from me in surprise. My eyes flash open, and Maria's face is one of hatred and fear. She looks to Sandra and lets her fake smile come back like it did during yoga. "Go back to seated position, Sandra. Go back into your mind." Sandra sits cross-legged immediately and closes her eyes. Without her tongue, my fingers find my pussy and get to work. "Sarah, stop," says Maria, and I do. I whimper, my pussy, my new mind, is hungry to cum. "Go back to seated position, Sarah. Relax." I obey. "Inhale and fill your fingertips and toes with breath." I do. "Now exhale, and breathe all the air out of you, especially out of your pussy." I obey. "Repeat." I obey. Each breath quells the fire raging in me, and I feel the hunger of my pussy recede. I breathe more and feel my mind fill with thoughts and desires, and more than anything, fears.
"What happened?" I ask.
"I hypnotized you and Sandra."
"Y-you did?" Maria nods and scoots away from me. She slumps to the studio floor, defeated in her moment of triumph. "H-how?"
"The music," says Maria. "Reyna taught me some basics of hypnosis."
"Can you É" I trail off and point to my eyes.
"No. I can't do that. I don't know what the hell that is, but it's not hypnosis."
"But you can -"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
Silence falls between us. Sandra begins breathing heavily. We both look over at her, and we can see her squirming, her pussy still wet and aching. Maria never calmed her down.
"I guess you win," I mutter.
"No. She's not a sex slave. She's horny and willing to eat you out, but she hasn't pledged herself or made any acts of devotion."
"Is that what it takes?" I ask and point to the lines on Maria's shoulders and arms. Maria gets up and finds her clothes on the ground. She starts to dress. "Did she do that to you?" I ask.
"In a way, she's done everything to me. In another way, I've done this all to myself."
"Maria, I'm so sorry."
"You were right, Sarah. I didn't know what I was getting into. But there's no going back, now."
"But your tits," I start as she puts her top and pants back on.
"What about them?"
"They aren't pierced."
"No." Her voice is some combination of resignation and frustration.
"I thought that was her mark."
"It is."
"But you're not -"
"Worthy, no."
"Then why -"
"You're not stronger than her," she interrupts.
"I know."
"No. You don't. But what's worse, is that you have no idea how very bad that is."
"I don't know what to do; she's got me."
"Be stronger."
"What?" I look back up at Maria's face. Her body is rigid and looms over me. She could crush me and beat me like she did June. She could hypnotize me and walk me back to Reyna right now in the nude. But something in her eyes, something behind the physicality of her eyes, is pleading with me.
"Reyna wants a good game. Be stronger. That's what she wants. That's what you need to be."
"I'm trying."
"Try harder. Reyna doesn't take excuses, and she has little patience. You're lucky you've gotten as many chances as you have."
"Chances?" I feel the heat flood my cheeks. "Lucky? Please tell me how I've been lucky. I've got a sociopath obsessed with me and taking it out on my friends. I've lost my boyfriend, you've lost your fiancee, I've lost my employer, I'm going to lose June, and worse than all of that is that I'm going to lose you. Please tell me what is so lucky about that?"
"She could do more. She could do worse." Maria's hands move unconsciously over her back. "You don't know her the way I do."
"Then run away with me." I stand in defiance to Maria's hypnosis and take her hand. "You're having some moment of clarity."
"No, you don't get it." A smile runs over Maria's face. It's dark and hideous, and I've only seen it once before: when she beat June. "I love her darkness." Maria pulls back her arm and slaps me backhanded across the face. I lose my footing and fall to the studio floor. I don't cry out. Some part of me knew it was coming. Maria looms over me.
"Maria," I start, but I'm stopped by another slap.
"She's done horrible and disgusting things to me, Sarah." I roll to my side. Maria kicks me in the stomach. I cough and cry at the same time. "And I love it. I've never felt better in my life. She's everything I've wanted and more and worse and better." Maria kicks me again. I roll away from her.
I know Reyna won't allow her to hurt me too much, but Maria will make her point. Some masochist and sadist in her has taken over. I don't know if Reyna put it there or just woke it up, but I'm dealing less and less with my best friend and more and more with an efficient slave.
Maria doesn't chase after me, instead, she goes to Sandra and begins to stroke Sandra's hair. "I don't have my goddess' power. I'd love to order Sandra to help me. She could hold you while I find all the fun weak spots of your body. But Sandra won't. There's too much Sandra in there. But Reyna will hollow her out. Reyna will take away all the Sandra and put whatever she wants in there. I can't do that. There is only so much I can do."
Maria gets on her knees next to Sandra and whispers loud enough for me to hear: "You will find nothing more erotic than when I hit Sarah. The more Sarah hurts, the more turned on you will be. Each time I strike her, you will feel lightning in your pussy. You will only be able to cum when you see her bleed. Do you understand?"
"Yesss," drolls Sandra.
Maria smiles and rises. In a panic, I try to sprint for the door. Modesty be damned, I'll run through the gym naked if I can get away from this. This isn't Maria; this is some monster Reyna created. Reyna would say this is Maria's truest self, but that's not the Maria I know. I know the truest Maria. She may be spunky and love a fight, but she's never loved the fight for the fight's sake. She fights for things she loves. She fights with passion and purpose, not for pleasure or pain. Reyna has perverted a good thing. Reyna hasn't just taken my best friend; she's ruined my best friend.
As I reach for the door, I feel Maria's hand rush past me and press down on the door. "Not so fast. Don't you want to save me?" Both her hands grab down on my shoulders, and she hurls me behind her. When I hit the floor, Sandra gives out a little moan. "You can't save me if you run. That's been your problem, little Sarah."
I turn to face her and scramble backwards on all four like a crab. Maria moves towards me with deliberation and patience. She isn't rushed; she knows I'm trapped.
"Why are you doing this?" I whimper. I don't think I can reason with her, but I hope I can stall her until someone else comes into the studio. "This isn't the game."
"This isn't about the game."
"Then what?" I ask as she reaches down and grabs me by the hair. She drags me back to Sandra and I gasp and hiss from the pain. I reach up and try to pull my hair away and then try to pull her hand off of me. Nothing helps. She's too damn strong. Sandra starts to purr from my pain and rub her clit.
"This is punishment. Maybe you'll learn that Reyna isn't fucking around, and neither am I." Maria slams me down on the ground next to Sandra. The back of my head hits the studio floor and my vision flashes white and then blurs. Maria straddles me over my chest. She pins my arms with her knees. I can smell her scent thick through the yoga pants. The crotch of her pants are soaked black. Has she ever been more turned on?
"Punish me for what?" I ask. She answers with a slap. Sandra moans.
"That's enough from you," she hisses. "I'm so tired of your talk. All you are is talk. You say you're going to take Reyna down. You're going to save me. I don't want any saving, and if I did, you wouldn't be the one to do it. You're nothing, little Sarah. You're not a goddess. You're not even a slut. You're nothing at all." She spits on me, the hits me again. I feel my lip split. At the sight of my blood, Sandra's eyes widen and she falls backwards, cumming. "Reyna's wasting her time with you. She doesn't need you; she has me."
Maria pulls back her arm to punch me, but I shove with all my weight and roll. We roll, and I get on top of her. She tries to scramble away, but I let me weight go and pin her down. I do my best to pin her, but she squirms.
"Get off of me, you cow."
"No."
"You can't beat me."
In her eyes are all the worst parts of Maria. There is none of the goodness of my friend, the goodness I love. There isn't her laugh or her smile. There isn't her corniness or goofiness. There isn't a girl who wishes she was a manic pixie dream girl, but is really a badass punk girl. There isn't hope or romance. There isn't love or light. There isn't even strength. All I see is pain. I see pain and service. I see darkness and hatred. I see fear and anxiety. I see emptiness and fire. Not the fire that holds off the cold, but the fire that burns down your home while you're sleeping.
"I'm not trying to beat you," I whisper. "Reyna plays games; she has winners and loser. I don't play games."
"Everyone plays games."
"Not us. Not you."
"I'm not that girl."
"Yes, you are." I see it so clearly. This girl is the worst of Maria, but she is still Maria. Reyna has awoken something. But it isn't something to be pressed back down or something to be celebrated. It's something to be healed. "But even if you're not, whatever you are now, and whatever you were then, I love you."
I lean down and kiss her. It isn't sexual or passionate. There are no tongues or nibbles. It is quick and gentle, but it is also a knock on the door when you thought you would always be alone. It is the single beam of light that catches your eye in the morning and keeps you up. It's the smallest things.
I feel Maria stop squirming underneath me. She doesn't kiss me back, but she doesn't pull away. Our lips meet and it's the phone call I should have made weeks ago warning her about Reyna and speaking my full mind. Our kiss is not leaving Reyna's estate without Maria. Our kiss is everything I should have done and everything Maria needed. I reach out for her face and cup her cheek, holding the kiss. She reaches back for me, but stops. Something in her snaps, and she jerks, kicking me off her.
I roll to the side, and before I can stop her, Maria springs up, grabs her bag, and darts out of the studio. I get up to chase, but stop at the door, remembering my nudity and Sandra.
Sandra! I look back at her and she's still on her back, cumming. Shit. How do I snap her out of this? I turn off the music and put out the incense. Still, Sandra cums. God, how many orgasms is it for that girl?
"Sandra?" I ask. She doesn't respond. "Sandra!" I shout. Still nothing. I take a deep breath and slap Sandra as hard as I can.
"Ow!" she says and sits up. "What was that for?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, besides the slap."
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"What happened? Why are we naked? Where's Maria?" she asks all in a rush. Each question piles on top of the previous, and I remember how young she is and how terrifying all this shit can and should be.
"It's okay," I say. I hug her, and thankfully, she doesn't freak out. She hugs me back. "It's going to be fine. It's a long story, but I can explain it."
"Can we put our clothes back on, first?"
"Sure thing, though you look pretty good like this." I say. I can't help myself lately, and the small flirtatious comment makes her smile.
"You're not so bad, but I imagine someone is going to come in here at some point."
"Yeah," I say. "Good point."
I stand up and offer her my hand. She takes it, and I pull her up.
"You're Sarah, right?"
"Yeah," I say.
"Can we go to your place? There's not a lot of privacy in my dorm room."
"Privacy?" I ask. "I'm, uh, not exactly trying to, uh, -"
Sandra laughs and it's beautiful and young and easy. I smile despite the bizarre circumstances. "That's not what I meant. You said it was a long story, and I figured if it ends with us naked in a yoga studio, it's probably something you want privacy for."
"Fair point."
We both put our clothes on, and I grab Maria's music on the way out.
Luckily, June is home. I don't know how to explain everything to her, but she doesn't ask too many questions after I tell her it'll make sense in a bit. An even greater blessing is that Sandra doesn't call the cops by the time I get to the end of the story. I explain everything to her. I tell her about Reyna's crazy powers and how she stole my best friend. It all comes easily, and I'm thankful to have someone to talk to. I haven't been able to be completely honest with June in case she works for Reyna, but Sandra's a great and adorable listener. June isn't shocked when I get to parts I hadn't told her previously, and I'm eternally thankful to my girlfriend.
Girlfriend. That's a new word. I smile to myself and look at June. She's listening intently to everything I say and monitoring Sandra's reaction carefully. She's incredible.
The hardest part is trying to find a way to phrase why Maria and I were in the yoga studio following Sandra at all. How do you tell a woman that she was the target in a game between goddesses to make her a sex slave? So far, Sandra had been a great listener. There is such an ease and joy about her. It feels like being a human isn't as difficult for Sandra as it is for other people. Must be nice.
I'll be careful, but I decide the truth was best. It felt too good to finally be honest. This is in violation of Reyna's rules, but I imagine Maria trying to beat me to death messed up the whole game scenario.
Sandra handles it well. Her smile fades, but she doesn't start screaming or attack me or call the police. These are all huge steps in the right direction. She does look away from me, keeping her eyes out the window of the small apartment or at the floor. When I finish the story, she gets quiet for a long time. She loses some of her adorableness, and a strange focus takes over her face.
"Got anything to drink?" she asks slowly.
"Coffee or tea?" I ask, getting up as I talk.
"Anything stronger?" she whispers.
"How old are you again?"
"I doubt the woman looking for sex slaves is going to call the cops about underage drinking." Strength fills her voice, and she looks up at me, smiling. Relief floods my body, and my shoulders release. I didn't know I was clenching them. I smile back at her and reach for a bottle of white wine in the fridge. I raise it to her, and she nods. I pour us both a glass and sit back down next to her.
"Thanks."
"No problem," I say. "How are you doing?"
"It's a lot to handle."
"Yeah."
"This is real?"
"Yeah."
"You're sure."
"Currently, it's my life."
"She can make people sex slaves?" A chill strikes me when I hear the curiosity in her voice and the lack of fear.
"Who?"
"Reyna."
"I guess so, why?"
"Willing sex slaves?" she asks.
I down my glass, get up, and pour myself another one. "That's hard to say. I don't think they willingly go to her. I think she takes people. It may be seduction, but they don't know what they're getting into. They don't know what they're signing up for." I sit down next to her. She's still trying to work out the whole thing in her mind. I keep waiting for her to beg me to call Reyna and let Reyna enslave her. I look at June and see she's afraid of the same thing.
"Right, but then afterwards," she starts. "After she does that thing with her eyes, then they want to be her sex slave, right?"
"I guess so."
"Wow," she says. I can't tell if it's admiration or terror in her voice.
"Sandra, she's a terrible person. Even if someone signs up for this, it shouldn't be celebrated."
"But if people want that É" she starts.
"No. Even if people want to commit suicide, we don't celebrate the person who helped them do it. Sometimes people want the wrong thing, and that's how it is with Reyna."
"I know. You don't need to raise your voice at me. I could see how she treated Maria. That can't be good."
"She tossed me aside like I was nothing when she was done with me," adds June. "Serving Reyna felt amazing, but it left me hallowed out. There is some part of me that's gone now. It belongs to Reyna, and I'll never get it back." I reach over and squeeze June's hand. She's never talked about her time with Reyna to me, and it kills me to hear how heavy the darkness is that she carries with her because of Reyna.
"I'm not saying I want to serve Reyna," says Sandra. "You both can calm down. I just didn't know it was possible, you know? Like, it's always a fantasy, but then you hear about people actually living it out and it's amazing and terrifying and sexy all at the same time."
"Those three words perfectly describe Reyna," says June. "But you need to add evil. It's also evil."
"Is what you and Sarah have evil?" asks Sandra to June. We're both taken aback at the question.
"Of course not," I say.
"And how is it different?" asks Sandra.
"I don't force June to do anything she doesn't want to do."
"Reyna would say the same thing about Maria. Right? Maria would say the same thing about Reyna. It's all consensual, right?"
"What we do here isn't about power," says June. "It's about love." June looks in my eyes as she talks, not even glancing at Sandra. "Not necessarily hollywood romance love. But I serve Sarah out of devotion and admiration and love. She takes charge over my life and gives me orders out of respect and tenderness and love. No one wants to own the other or be owned. No one wants to destroy the other or be destroyed. I serve because I care about her. She lets me serve because she cares about me. The arrangement between Sarah and I has a different foundation than what lies between Reyna and Maria."
"Light side and dark side," I add, smiling at June. My whole body warms and something blooms in my chest. I do care about this girl, and respect her, but I find myself loving her more and more each day. Each day she serves me, she shows me how much she cares about me. I've let suspicion and the fear of Reyna keep me from opening up, but, my God, this girl is amazing.
"It's the difference between trust and control," adds June. "Sarah doesn't control me. She trusts me, and I trust her. That's what we have."
"You have to have it if you let someone tie you up and blindfold you while you tease their naked and exposed body for hours," I say. June and I laugh and Sandra blushes darkly next to us. I lean in and give June a kiss. She returns it with eager passion. We forget Sandra for a moment too long, letting ourselves get carried away. When we remember where we are and who is with us, we both blush and pull away, giggling.
"You don't want what Reyna has to offer," I say to Sandra. I hope this is sinking in. I hope she doesn't do something foolish. Maybe it was stupid to give her the full truth. Of course, Reyna would have chosen her as a susceptible target to become a slave, but I didn't think the slight mention of sexual slavery would push Sandra over to Reyna's side.
"No, I don't want what Reyna has to offer," says Sandra, finally. She leans over and kisses June gently on the lips. June looks surprised at first, but then gives in to Sandra's softness. Sandra pulls away and looks at me with her large round fuck-me eyes. "I want what you have to offer, Sarah." My brow furrows, but before I can ask, she adds, "I want to be your sex slave, like June."
I look back at June. She gives me a gentle nod. I don't know if she understands what we're agreeing to, but I think she understands Sandra and what she wants more than I do. More importantly, I can see her eyes lost in lust as they roam over Sandra's body.
"You want to be my slut like June?" I ask, making sure this isn't another one of my powerful sex dreams.
Sandra easily slips to her knees in front of me and nods slowly. "Please. I've always wanted this, and now I see what you and June have is incredible. Can I please be a part of that, goddess?"
My desire to put her mouth to work against my pussy overrides any critical thinking skills I have. I nod, but hold up a finger. "Mistress, not goddess."
"Yes, mistress," says Sandra.
"Yes, pet. You can be my slut," I say with more lust than confidence in my voice. Behind Sandra, June begins to reach for Sandra's clothes. Sandra smiles wide as I lean down and kiss her, taking her into me.