David Anthony Port St Lucie, FL
My Brown Eyed Boy - Chapter 2
This is a true story dating back two decades.
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My Brown Eyed Boy
Chapter 2
It's September 30, 2015. Today I'm at the marina again. Not much going on today. The sun's out, the sky's blue, the clouds are puffy and the humidity is average. It's quiet and peaceful on the water this morning. However, fireworks may be flying this evening as Jimmy and I are joining his parents for dinner. We're meeting them at a nice Italian Restaurant by the name of Carrabba's in Stuart, Florida at 7:00 PM. I'm not really looking forward to it because I have not spoken to them in over a year, nor has Jimmy. We used to be fairly close to them. We'd go on the occasional vacation together. We'd go out to dinner with them once a month on average. Most holidays were either at their home or ours. We had them on the boat frequently. Usually it would be either a lunch or dinner cruise that they enjoyed most. There are a lot of waterway restaurants and nightclubs where we can dock the boat to enjoy ourselves. Often times his parents would join us for just a simple sunset booze cruise as well.
Occasionally we used to go to Disney and Universal in Orlando together. We had a good relationship with them. It was definitely a healthy relationship. His parents were quite comfortable with the whole gay thing. More importantly however, they were comfortable with the age thing as well. As I mentioned, Jimmy and I are an older/younger couple. He's half my age. But his parents had no problem with that whatsoever. They could clearly see that we were not a sleazy Sugar Daddy sort of relationship. They figured out early on in our relationship that Jimmy and I had a mutual respect and love for one another. They knew that we were both in the relationship for the right reasons and that we had a healthy, loving, committed relationship. They knew that we were a family, not just some old guy banging their son. They understood that it was simply a case of my nature, naturally being attracted to younger guys and Jimmy's natural inclinations found him attracted to older guys. They got it just like we did. It is what it is. It happens in straight relationships with straight men as well. Why should it be any different in gay relationships. They understood that. Unfortunately a certain percentage of society does not get that though. The homophobes see it entirely different. Somehow that segment of our population seems to think that when an older straight man is able to enter into a relationship with a girl half his age, that it's cool. They say "Good for him, he robbed the cradle." Conversely, when an older gay man enters into a relationship with a boy half his age they say the opposite. Their sentiments in that situation are more like " What a deviant pervert taking advantage of that boy, what a disgusting child molester." When homophobia is at it's peak there is a stark difference of opinion when it comes to an "older/younger" relationship unfortunately. It's sad really that so much homophobia still exists in America. It's slowing diminishing, ever so slowly though. With a nation at a 51% in favor of gay marriage and gay rights, that leaves a huge portion of the population against us, many of whom are homophobic. But Jimmy's parents were not like that. They understood what he and I had in one another. They respected our relationship for what it was. They liked the way I took care of their son, and how I loved him and sincerely cared about him. They knew he was safe and that he was loved.
That's all that mattered to them. They used to tease me by saying "Good for you David, you robbed the cradle" They both had a good sense of humor. Truth be told, I've missed socializing with them for the past year because we had a good relationship and it was fun when the four of us would get together.
But that all came to a screeching halt a little over a year ago.
So as I said, it's been over a year since we've spoken to Jimmy's parents. The distance was caused by a major disagreement concerning the cost of Jimmy's education while he goes back to college at the age of 30. He struggles financially as a bartender at Outback. The money is just ok and it's a dead end job.
When Jimmy was a kid, at the age of 20 he dropped out of college because he was too immature to handle it. He got caught up in all the partying, socializing and drinking as so many new college kids do. He never went back to school and wound up as a restaurant server and now he tends bar. He's been very discontent with his place in life. Although he does have a good life because he's with me, he wanted to enrich his own life with an education and a degree. But until such time, fortunately for him, we live in a very nice home and enjoy a great deal of pleasures in life. We vacation often. We take commercial cruises occasionally with the Royal Caribbean cruise line. We make it to Orlando frequently for all the wonderful theme parks. We travel to Boston and New York yearly to spend time with family. We cruise our own boat locally. Sometimes we'll cruise it on a weekend getaway. Once in a while we cruise it for a two or three week extended vacation. We usually cruise the Inter-coastal waterways south to Miami and the Keys. Sometimes we decide to cruise north to St. Augustine. We have a good life together. It has it's ups and downs, as does everybody's life, but all in all we have a good life together.
The problem is that Jimmy feels that his future is going nowhere quickly. He feels that without a degree in a career field he enjoys that his later years in life will not be pleasant ones. He believes he will struggle through life after I pass away. Being twice his age it's very likely that I will pass long before he does. I agree with Jimmy 100% and I've encouraged him to go back to school for several years, to eliminate those concerns. I worry about his future often and so does he. It's just that on his limited income tending bar he has never felt able to pay for school. I've offered many times to help but he's wanted to try to do it on his own. Until now it has proved impossible. Unfortunately he is not eligible for any federal financial aid. Every day he was coming home from Outback, discouraged and felt helpless trying to get enrolled back into school. It was stressful for him.
A year ago, I decided his putting off college because of finances had gone on too long. It was time to enroll and I wasn't taking no for an answer. I told him I would call his father that evening and offer to split the cost with him for putting his son through college. I explained to him how discouraged Jimmy was and that I was concerned about his future. I assumed his father's concerns for his son's well being would mirror my own. Boy was I wrong about that. He flat out refused to help. He flat out refused a single dime. He told me that Jimmy was 30 years old now. He wasn't a boy any longer. It was no longer his problem or his responsibility. I explained that his son was not eligible for financial aid and it was not within his abilities to pay for school. I explained how deep Jimmy's desire to get back to school was. I explained how dismal his future could be if he were never able to get out of the restaurant industry. His dad told me that his son should have taken his education seriously when he was 20. He made his bed and now he can lay in in. He said that it was his son's responsibility this time. Jimmy's mother called back and stood behind his father's position. They seemed to have no compassion for their son's dilemma in life. I was blown away by their position on the matter. They caught me by surprise, and not in a good way. On no uncertain terms, I let his father know what I thought of him. I can assure you I had lost all respect for the man and I let him know it. I told his father that from one man to another man I had lost all respect for him. More significantly though, I let him know that from one father to another father I thought he was a terrible to refuse any compassion or assistance to a child in need. What made my opinion so strong was that his parents don't happen to struggle through life at all. They are comfortable financially and could easily have split the cost of college with me. That's what made it so wrong. I never would have expected his mother to stand behind his dad on that matter. Since that day, neither Jimmy or I have spoken to his parents.
Well tonight we are meeting them for dinner. Jimmy decided to be the bigger man than his own dad.
He called him and forgave him. He told him he missed him and that he wanted to put the past in the past and move forward as a father and son should. I was proud of Jimmy taking the high road. Jimmy asked if I'd consider going out to dinner with them and I said I would. So here I sit, with plans to meet them for dinner. I'm only going for Jimmy, certainly not for his parents. I plan to be reserved but civil, but definitely not warm. If the man decides to apologize and offer to take me up on my offer then things can return to normal. However, anything short of that will make me maintain a cool presence.
They won't feel as they are seated across from good old, happy go lucky, life of the party, David. Of this I am certain! God, I hope at least the food is good tonight seeing how the company can't be.
Enough of the year 2015 for now. Once again, let's turn the clock back to 1991.
So there we are, two perfect strangers standing about 200 feet apart, staring at one another awkwardly in the middle of this big shopping mall. We stood there in the midst of hundreds of people at the mall experiencing there own hustle and bustle of shopping. But my eyes were focused on just one of those people. And his eyes were also. It kind of felt like he and I were alone in that big mall. Who is this cute boy and why am I so damn drawn to him. Why do I care how cute he is? Why do I care what his past was like an why did I care what his present life was like? Why do I want to know everything about him? Aside from all the questions I was asking myself, the bigger question was why was he seemingly doing the same about me? I've never in my life been so awe struck by a stranger. It was the oddest thing happening at that very moment. It actually didn't feel real.
My thoughts raced. Then time stood still again. What the hell was wrong with me? I wondered what was going through his mind that very moment. I thought about turning around and walking away in the opposite direction again. Then I thought about walking toward him. My next thought was whether or not I might regret it if I go to him and introduce myself. What might the possibilities be? I was in a quandary and my heart was tugging me in two different directions. I knew I had to make a decision relatively quickly or this moment would pass and it would become a missed opportunity. It may have been a mysterious opportunity not knowing where it would lead me, but none the less a missed one.
In a split second, as he stood there looking at me, I decided to walk toward him. At a couple hundred feet or so I calculated quickly in my mind that I was approximately 60 or 70 steps away from him! How's that for an analytically inclined mind for you? In those 60 or 70 steps many thoughts would race through my mind. The first being "I know I'm bi, but I wonder if this kid is straight, bi or gay?" The intense eye contact between one another and his seemingly strong interest in me led me to believe he was probably gay. But who knew? Perhaps I resembled his dead father or uncle or perhaps he thought I looked like a mass murderer. Perhaps he thought I was an old teacher in grade school.
Maybe I looked like the hit and run guy that totaled his car a year ago! God only knows what was fueling his interest in me. It could have been any number of a million possibilities or reasons. I knew clearly that it wasn't necessarily related to his sexuality or any physical attraction he may have had toward me.
I took my first step toward him, and then my second. As the thoughts raced through my mind I noticed that familiar "butterflies in the stomach" sensation. It wasn't like me at all. I never get nervous in any social settings, ever. The whole experience was foreign to me.
I made it to my third and forth steps toward him and I noticed him fidgeting a bit, perhaps he was feeling the same butterflies in his stomach. Or maybe he was scared! We were still to far apart to get a real good look at one another but I was sure he was cute as hell. I made it to my fifth and sixth step, then my seventh and eighth, then my ninth and tenth step toward him. My vision of him grew clearer and clearer with each step. It didn't look like he had a smile on his face. It looked like he had a very blank expression. My thoughts continued to race as I continued walking.
I was now on my twentieth and twenty first steps and getting closer and closer by the second. The clock seemed to stop ticking again as my mind seemed to go into neutral. For a time, I had no thoughts whatsoever. I found myself on my fiftieth and fifty first, then my fifty second and fifty third steps toward him. I thought, how the hell did I get so close to him so quickly? The last time I seemed to be coherent I was way back on my fifteenth or sixteenth step toward him! Now I was within six to eight feet from him. My eyes were still fixed on this boys big brown eyes, and his were still fixed on my blue eyes! What a cute, handsome, sexy boyish face this kid had. He possessed the biggest most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. He had the longest eye lashes I had ever seen as well. I took my sixty third, sixty fourth and sixty fifth steps and then time stopped again. Time stood still. Time was frozen and I have no idea how long it had been frozen. It just seemed to have stopped abruptly. You know that sensation, when there is no relevance or relation to time? That's what I was experiencing. I was now about four feet from him.
Our eye contact had never broken once since that very first step two hundred or so feet prior. Our gaze was still burning right through one another as though each of our sight and vision were made of laser beams. When the clock began ticking again I found myself about three feet away from this boy, my heart was pounding in my chest. I could feel each beat and I could almost hear each beat as my imagination ran at lightening speed now.
With a smile on my face, I extended my arm toward him to reach for a handshake as I uttered the words, "Hi, I'm David."