"I love you so much," Matt whispered, his hand rubbing the back of my head.
Slowly he leaned closer; I could feel his warm breath on my lips. I was so excited, my first kiss, my breath labored, my hands shaking as he leaned in. And then it went away.
"Fuck!" I yelled as I punched my alarm clock. Why can't I ever get the kiss? I mean come on, it's not like it's ever going to happen in real life anyways. Matt's straight, about as straight as they come, but dammit he's so hot. I tried desperately to return to my dream, smashing my face into my pillow, until I finally gave up. Glaring at my alarm clock one last time, I pulled myself out of bed, involuntarily whimpering at my stiff joints. God.. I'm such a fag. Well, okay, yeah I am, you probably guessed that, and I don't really have a problem with it, I mean, it's not the worst thing ever, but sometimes I just wished I could get rid of those annoying little mannerisms. You know what I'm talking about, my whining, the way I play with my hair when I'm bored, my limp wristed handshakes, the high pitched "Hiiiii" I give people when I pass them in the hallway.. need I go on? Anyways, I finally got myself out of bed, pulled off my shirt and sweatpants, tossed them in the corner, then put on some jeans, a random T-shirt, and a solid black sweatshirt. That's one thing I will never leave my room without, my sweatshirt.. I guess I should explain. Well.. I had some depression a while ago, and I kinda made some cuts on my arm, so yeah, not that bad, okay? But the scars are enough to make people stare, and that's embarrassing as hell. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if people stare for other things, I mean I kinda make them with the way I am. I have black hair (dyed, my natural color is golden-brown), my bangs cover my left eye in the front and stop right below my bottom lip, and the back of my hair is shaved very short and almost always spiked. And then there are my dark brown eyes, really dark, almost black dark, and I try to bring them out by using mascara. I also have a lip ring to top it all off, not that it's anything major, but it's different, and I love it. And hey! Before you start judging me, wondering what I'm trying to be, I'll tell you that I'm not trying to be anything, I'm just doing what I like and being who I am, so fuck off! .. whoa I'm sorry about that, I just get a little carried away, ya know? I just get tired of people asking.. I just wish they would take the time to understand me, but they won't, they never do. . So yeah, after I got dressed I stumbled out of my room, being sure to glide across the wooden floor so I wouldn't wake anyone at this time, what time? Well 5:30am of course.. god I hate mornings. Anyways, I went to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my hair, spiked it, and took care of some other stuff.. then I went out to the living room to put on the news (really just for the noise) and to make a cup of coffee. This is one of the times I love, my alone time in the morning. It's all dark and quiet, and I just get to cuddle up with a warm cup of coffee, it almost makes me smile to myself. But nothing good lasts forever and too soon my coffee is gone, and I'm forced to walk down the road and sit on the bus for 45 minutes.
"... and then you multiply by the inverse. Chris, what is the inverse? Chris? Hello!"
"UGH!" I yelled as my friend stabbed me with his pencil.
"What, Josh, what??" I demanded, pissed at being woken up from my fantasies of Matt.
He didn't say anything, but just pointed to the front of the room, where Mr. Johnson stood, looking pretty damn annoyed.
"Oh! Um, sorry Mr. Johnson, could you please repeat that?" I begged, my face quickly becoming red.
"Chris, am I boring you? Because if I am, you can certainly sleep in that desk in the hallway, actually, that's a good idea, why don't you go out there?" he said, a smile forming on his lips.
"No, please, I'll pay attention," just please don't make me walk out in front of Matt, I thought, that would be soooooo embarrassing...
He just stared at me, the bastard wouldn't even reply. So I sighed, and gathered my stuff, and walked as quickly as I could to get the hell out of there. I heard the snickering of everyone, I was so embarrassed, and as I was leaving I looked out of the corner of my left eye, the hidden one, and I could see Matt with a grin on his face. Now, don't get me wrong, it was a gorgeous grin and I was happy to see it, but under the circumstances and what caused it, I just turned a darker shade of red. Well, whatever? He probably already thinks I'm a freak, right? So why the hell should this matter? So, I went to the hallway, but I was far too ashamed to finish my fantasy.
Before I knew it just was standing next to me ruffling the back of my hair.
"Ugh, god, why do you have to put so much gel in it?" he whined, wiping his hand on my shoulder.
"Haha, whatever man, don't touch what you can't handle," I grinned at him, picking up my stuff.
"Aren't you gonna go talk to Mr. Johnson?" he asked.
"Does it LOOK like I'm going to?" I said, already halfway down the hallway. Don't get me wrong, I'm normally a really good and polite student, but just, ugh, he embarrassed me in front of freaking Matt, so there's no way I wanted to talk to him.
"So dude, gonna buy me lunch today" Josh asked, making his eyes really big. God.. he really knows how to make himself cute.
"Err.." I hesitated, but when he started desperately grapping onto my arm I gave in. "Fine, fine, just keep it under five dollars."
"Yay!" he said, and then he kissed me on the cheek!
"What the hell?!" I yelled, totally surprised, I mean he didn't know about me, no one did, and I was so sure he's straight.
"Haha, man you should see your face.. What? Omigod, relax! It was a joke," he said.
-sigh- "Oh, just go get your lunch, you little bitch," I said, messing up his hair.
Oh yay, the bus again, nothing is more boring than this.. I slumped down in my seat and pulled out my iPod, getting ready to block out all the obnoxious noise around me. I was just sitting there staring out the window, when suddenly someone nudged my shoulder.
"um.. do you mind if I sit here?" the voice said, barely coming in over my music.
"Yeah, sure," I mumbled, not even bothering to look up as I moved my backpack.
So the kid sat next to me, but he sat kinda close. I mean, the bus seats aren't that large, but it seemed like he was intentionally trying to get close. And then his leg started rubbing against mine. I was wicked shocked as I looked down at those skinny black jeans rubbing against my dark blue ones. I was wicked confused, I mean, who wears skinny black jeans? The only person I know who does is.. Omigod, is this really happening?? I thought as I looked up so quickly, my head began to spin.
"Matt?!" I actually said it out loud, I didn't mean to, but I was so shocked I couldn't contain myself.
It seemed like a century until he said something. I just stared at his black face. Those dark brown eyes staring at mine, the smooth golden-brown skin, his spiky black hair, and his thin, but perfect lips. Omigod, he's just perfect, you have no idea. I love everything about him, in fact I even changed the way I walk to my classes just so I can see him walk by in the hallways. Oh shut it! It's not that weird, I mean I LOVE him, but I can never be with him.. Even if he was gay, even if I could actually have a shot with him, and even if my parents would actually accept the fact that I'm gay, they would never go for him being Asian. I mean, gay relationship is really pushing it, so biracial is just never going to happen.. But I love him, it's just not fair.. Everything about him is perfect, especially those lips, which, as I stared, slowly curved upwards.
"Um.. you know my name..?" he asked, with a ghost of a smile.
Oh shit, oh shit! What have I done? "Yeah.. second period Algebra, right?"
"Oooh, yeah man, you got me really confused there for a while," he said giggling. Oh god, that giggle, it's so cute you have no idea, I just wanted to lunge at him so bad..
"Uh, so I didn't think you rode on this bus?" I shakily asked.
"Oh yeah, I do now, we just moved so now I'm on this bus route. Chris.. right?" he asked.
He knows my name?! "YES! Oh.. um, I mean yeah, I'm Chris," god, I could feel my face turning red. "I'm.. I'm really sorry, I'm being wicked weird aren't i?" I asked quietly.
"Hey relax, you're not being weird at all, in fact I'm really happy to be talking to you." He said.
"Yeah, okay.." I said, putting in my headphones, feeling the crushing rejection.. "Wait! What?!"
After a little more giggling, he said, "Yeah man, I mean you're like the only one I know on here, and you're not too bad looking either," he winked. Um.. I had no idea whether he was being funny or serious, and it was killing me.
I decided funny, "Oh yeah, but have you seen yourself? I mean damn, the things I would do to you," I said forcing a fake laugh, which sounded genuine enough.
Then his eyes got a little wider, but he never lost that smile, "Oh really?" he said, "and what would you do?"
Um.. fuck. I can't believe this is happening, and I have no idea what to say. "I... um... I would--"
"Hey man, this is my stop," he said, interrupting me, "So um yeah, later dude, he said, but then paused and took out a pen. Then he grabbed my arm, and scribbled something on it.
"Text me later, okay?" He said, smiling, as he stood up and left.