This is a sort of short chapter in this story, basically it's just a transition from where the story was before and where I want to take it. I am really thankful for all of you who have sent me letters telling me how much you like this story. It's a real labor of love for me. I'm not so thankful for the people who tell me how they would have done it. It really hurts my feelings when people tell me how I should have written my story. For the rest of you, Thank you very much.
I froze when Jordan came in. I couldn't hide the fact that I had been crying. I didn't know what he was going to do. He came in and he sat down in the chair opposite where I was. He sat there for a bit, and I just looked at him, He took in all the sadness that I just didn't care enough to hide. I didn't care who saw me cry. Finally, he spoke.
"What's wrong?" he said.
I let it spill. I told him the whole story. I told him about how I had been straight my whole life untill a few days ago when I met a hot guy at a party. A guy that made me re-evaluate my sexual orientation. A guy that I went out on a date with the other night and fell head over heels for. A guy that was only using me to get over the loss of his girlfriend. a guy thaty was using me, and my sexual confusion, for a rebound.
We sat in silence for a while. I was very scared now. I had just come out of the closet to my roomate. I had no idea how he was going to react. I realized that it wasn't really that long of a silence, it just felt that way. Again, he was the one who broke the silence.
"Wow...."
"Wow what?"
"Wow what an asshole this Devin guy is...."
"Yeah..."
"I mean, it took a lot of guts for you to come to the realization that you like boys, and then the first boy to give you those tingly feelings let's you down."
"You aren't weirded out that I'm gay?"
"No... why would I be?"
"Most guys are, I was before I admitted it to myself"
"Well maybe that was because you were insecure about your sexuality. Most guys are, even straight guys. They haven't dealt with the possibility that they could be gay, so they're afraid of it. If they just said 'hey, I might be gay. Nope, I'm not' and then moved on with it, it'd be much better."
"I guess"
"Plus, I'm a crossdresser, and once you start to join one alternative lifestyle, others don't seem to creepy to you anymore."
"Crossdresser?" I was really caught off guard
"Yeah.. I was kind of afraid to tell you, I didn't know how liberal you were, but..." He lifted up his pants leg, and he was wearing a pair of stockings under his pants. I hate to be stereotypical, but I had to ask him...
"Are you gay?"
"No, I tried it once, It wasn't my thing."
"You went out with a guy?"
"I slept with a guy"
"And then you decided that you weren't gay? So you used him? that's worse than Devin using me, at least he never slept with me."
"Woah woah woah little mr assumption. I had a one night stand with someone I met in a bar, not the beginnings of a romantic relationship."
"What made you start thinking you would want to sleep with a guy?"
don't know. It was back when I first started crossdressing, I thought I must have this strong female side to my personality, and so I subconsciously started fantasizing about being a woman and being with a man, and I had to live it out..."
"And then?"
"I realized that if there was a female in my personality, she was a lesbian. about a month later, I met this amazing girl that totally understood me, and liked it when I dressed."
"Oh..."
"You see Cam, when you are totally accepting of you YOU are, you'll find others who are just as accepting. Once you start coming out to more people, you'll realize that. And you picked a good campus to decide to be gay."
"Why's that?"
"well there's just a huge alternative lifestyle community here."
"Really?"
"Yeah.. In fact... this weekend, when I go out.. come with me! You'll meet all sorts of people, maybe even some available men, whose names aren't Devin"
I thought about it for a little bit. I knew what Alena would say if I asked her. Why sit around here and feel sorry for myself. If I do that, I'm letting Devin get the best of me. Why not go explore my new self?...
"Alright... I'm in."