Hey guys, I'm back!
I'm writing again, but don't expect the chapters to be out soon. I've reached a very difficult area in the story and in order to keep it going, I need to make sure that it makes sense this time around.
Now on with the story.
First of all, let me just say that this is my first time writing any kind of fiction like this.
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of total fiction and is not meant to imply anything about the sexualities of Nick and Drew Lachey or anyone else mentioned in this story.
If you are too young to read this, or if Homosexuality offends you, then please don't continue any further and leave.
NEWSFLASH: To those of you who don't already know, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, in real life, have reconciled and are now husband and wife. I wish them all the best with their marriage and hope they live a long and happy life together.
If you want details about their wedding, check out the 98 Degrees Official Website at www.98degrees.com.
Other 98 Degrees stories I'd like to recommend are.
"Give Me Just One Night" by Unanoche. "69 with Jeff Timmons" by Zachary Scott Pritt "Nick Lachey" by Ken. "98 Degrees Is Hot" by Gay Night "The Reunion" by RinSong. "Loving Nick Lachey" by Jordan "Playing Doctor with 98 Degrees" by Brian
and finally: "This Gift" by Sprout
Now, I"ll let you get on with the story.
Enjoy.
Previously on "My Everything".....
Drew wrapped his arms around me again and held me close. It felt good to be in loving arms again.
"Drew, when are you guys supposed to leave today?" I asked him, knowing that today was the last day I would get to see the guys.
He pulled back to look me in the face. When I saw his face, I noticed the sad look in his eyes.
"We have to leave for the airport at noon." He said. "Our flight departs at 2:00."
I felt sad that he had to leave, but I knew that I'd get to see him again soon.
"Well, let's not think about my leaving right now." Drew said, suddenly. "Right now, I want to enjoy as much time with you as I can before we have to leave."
He looked up at me and I knew what he wanted. I could see it in his eyes.
"I want you inside of me this time." Drew said. "I want you to make love to me."
"I would like nothing better than to spend our last few hours making love to you."
"Cool." Drew said. "Then we can work up an apetite for some breakfast after we're finished."
"Sure." I said. "Besides, I'll probably need it more than you since you'll most likely wear me out after I'm done with you."
Drew's face lit up and a wide grin crossed his face.
"Well in that case, let's get started, sexy boy." He said, pulling me down on top of him.
It didn't matter to me that Drew had to leave. I knew that I would be seeing him again soon. As I made love to him, I knew that I'd found happiness once again.
And this time, I was back to stay.
******************************************************* BACK IN NICK'S ROOM....................
Nick stood in front of the mirror in his room getting dressed, while looking at himself in the mirror. He noticed the tears that were still running down his face.
"Have I done the wrong thing?" He said to himself. "Will Sean ever reconsider?"
After a slight silence, a question came out of his mouth, surprising him.
"Will I ever be free of him...................?
********** CHAPTER 51 **********
Drew and I were getting dressed since it was time for the guys to head to the airport. I wasn't sure what to say after we made love.
As I was getting dressed, I suddenly realized that I was starting to have regrets about what Drew and I had done. It was wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I was wondering if I was perhaps jumping back into a relationship too early.
"Drew?" I suddenly asked.
"What is it, sweetie?" Drew asked, looking up to meet my gaze.
I finished putting on my jeans and sat down to put on my shoes.
"Are you sure you are ok with what we just did?" I asked him.
Drew just looked at me, confusion evident on his face.
"Yes I am, Sean." Drew said. "It was incredible. I haven't felt this good in such a long time.
I nodded, knowing how he felt.
"Drew, It was incredible for me too, I started to say.
"Why do I sense a "but" coming?" Drew asked, his facial expression starting to turn to hurt.
"Even after two years, you still know me pretty well." I said, seriously. "Ok, here's where the "but" comes in: Don't you think we're moving a little too fast here?"
"What do you mean? Drew asked, hurt obvious in his voice now. "Are you trying to tell me that you regret making love to me?"
I stood up and stepped over to Drew and put my hands on his muscled arms, rubbing them up and down, gently.
"Not exactly, Drew." I said. "I'm glad we did what we did. I just feel like we jumped into it a little too soon. Especially since I just said that I wanted to give our friendship a try again. I didn't expect for us to make love. I'm not in love with you, Drew."
Drew started to protest, but I put a finger to his lips.
"Drew, wait, let me finish." I said. "Then you can say what you want."
Drew nodded. I could see that he was about ready to cry because he eyes were shining with tears that hadn't fallen yet.
"I love you, Drew, so I can't say that we didn't make love in a way. I just feel that it could have been better." I said, softly. "I have feelings for you, but I'm not quite there yet when it comes to actually falling in love with you. But, just know that I definitely could fall for you. I just need more time."
Drew pulled away from me, just as tears started rolling down his face.
"So, what does this mean, Sean?" He asked, his voice cracking. "Are you saying that you don't want a relationship with me? are you saying that you don't want me?"
I was shocked by what he was asking, but I guess I couldn't blame him. I was making it sound like I was rejecting him. I decided to clear it up for him.
"Drew, no, that's not what I'm saying at all." I said to him, pulling him to me in a hug. "How could I not want you? You are a beautiful, intelligent man, with a heart of gold. All I'm trying to say is that I want to take it more slow with us."
I released him and pulled back to look into his eyes.
"I want to be able to get to know you better as a boyfriend. I've only gotten to know you as my friend, and as my former brother in-law. I want to get to know you as my partner so that once I do fall in love with you, I can finally make love to you and have it feel 10 times more incredible than how it did last night and just earlier."
I cupped Drew's face and wiped the tears from his face, that were falling.
"Does that make any sense to you at all?" I asked him, hoping that he'd understand.
I wanted him to understand that I wasn't dumping him. I just wanted to take things slow and get to know him better as my boyfriend.
Drew's looked down, frowning a bit, meaning that he was thinking about it. Then he looked up at me and his face broke into a wide grin. He then threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly.
"Yes, Sean, It does." Drew said. "I understand now, thank god. I thought i was going to lose you."
"No way." I said, hugging him back. "It's not gonna happen."
Drew picked me up and started spinning me around. I laughed.
"Ok, cutie, you're strong and all, but don't you think you'd better put me down before you hurt yourself?"
"I like to sweep you off your feet." Drew said, as he put me down.
"And I'm not complaining." I said, with a big smile on my face.
Drew then walked over to the bed and sat back down on it. Then he picked up the menu for room service.
"Do you think you're ready for some lunch now?" He asked me. "I sure am after our lovefest."
I grinned at him, amused at how he and Nick were alike when it came to their apetites. I swear those two could eat more than anybody else I knew.
"Sure, but make it something light." I told him. "I'm not usually a "lunch" person either.
Drew then picked up the phone to order room service. While he was on the phone, I walked over to the window and looked down at the parking lot below.
My mind drifted back to Nick all of a sudden. I was still deeply disturbed by his actions earlier this morning. I knew at that moment, that something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
"Sean?"
I turned around to see that Drew was now off the phone and he was looking at me, concern written all over his face.
"Yeah?" I asked, with raised eyebrows.
"What's wrong?" Drew asked. "You look like you're disturbed about something."
I turned towards Drew, ready to answer him, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Do you want me to get it?" I asked him.
"No, I will." Drew said, sliding off of the bed and walking towards the door to answer it. He opened the door to reveal Jeff and Danny, standing in front of him.
"Hey guys." Drew greeted them. "What brings you over here?"
"May we come in?" Danny asked, his eyes shifting over to me.
"Of course." Drew replied, stepping aside for them to enter.
Jeff and Danny walked into the room and came face to face with me. I noticed that Danny was still in pain over how I'd treated him last night. A part of me did feel sorry for him. But my heart had already been broken and I'd already been stripped of whatever shreds of my dignity that had remained.
"Hi, Sean." Danny said, softly. He was unable to look me in the eye. Not that I could blame him.
"Hello Danny." I greeted him, my voice calm, yet serious. "How are you?"
His face took on a look of anger right then. But I knew he wasn't going to scream or yell. He wasn't that angry. At least not yet.
"How do you think, Sean?" He sneered. "Do you even care?"
"Danny!" Jeff exclaimed, shocked at Danny's harsh words.
"Jeff, please, just stay out of this." Danny asked him. "This is between me and my ex-best friend."
I heard Drew gasp when he heard Danny's words. Even I was a little caught off guard by his statement, but that didn't hurt me at all. After all, Danny had been right before. I had changed. I was no longer the same man that I was when I left all of them years ago.
"Danny, would you stop being so meladramatic?" I asked him, sarcasm dripping fiercely in my voice. "If you think that you're hurting me with that little statement, you can just forget it. You can't hurt me anymore. I won't allow for you, or anyone else to hurt me like that ever again. So, to answer your question if I care or not, the answer is no. You are not my problem anymore, so, why don't you just crawl back into bed with Jeff? I'm sure after awhile, you'll soon be able to forget all about me. After all, it worked for two years, didn't it?"
Now, it was Jeff's turn to be angry. He was standing there, listening to every word I was saying and how cold I was being towards his boyfriend. Having to see the pain in Danny's eyes and what he was going through, really hurt him as well. He finally couldn't take it anymore.
"How can you be so callous and so cruel, Sean?! Jeff said, his voice rising. "I know you were hurt by us terribly. Do I have to remind you that you were hurt the same way by Nick when he cheated on you? Even then, you've never acted like this! So cold and so.......Un-Human."
I was appalled to say the least that Jeff had just called me that.
"Well, you seem to have pretty strong feelings on this subject! Don't hold back!" I said, my own voice starting to get loud."
"Oh, I'm not going to hold back!" Jeff said, loudly. "I'm sick of your attitude, Sean! I'm sick of your "I don't care" attitude! I liked the old Sean better! The one who was loving and caring, and who had such a big heart. I certainly don't like this cold hearted little slut that you've become now!"
"Jeff!" Drew exclaimed, horrified.
Hearing Jeff call me a slut was all it took for me to lose my temper. I was not a slut! and I resented the fact that Jeff could even think that of me.
"You sanctamonious, pompus, ass!" I yelled. "Take that back right now!"
"Or what, Sean?" Jeff asked, angrily. "What are you going to do if I don't?"
I lunged at Jeff, intent on giving him a pounding, but Drew grabbed me before I could get to Jeff. Danny had also grabbed Jeff at that moment to keep him from going after me. Why he did that, I had no idea.
"Let go of me, Drew!" I yelled, struggling against Drew's strong hold on me. "I want to tear him apart!"
"Nobody's tearing anybody apart!" Drew yelled back. "Calm down, all of you, and get a grip!"
"Ok!" I yelled, holding still. "Alright! You can let go of me now, Drew!"
Drew slowly let go of me. I noticed Danny also let go of Jeff, who continued to glare at me.
I turned to Drew and looked him in the eye.
I think I've worn out my welcome." I told him. "I should go."
As I turned away, Drew grabbed my arm to stop me.
"No, Sean, you don't have to go." He said, his eyes saying it all.
"Well, maybe he should, Drew." Jeff told him. "After all, we need to start getting ready to head to the airport soon."
My heart sank when I realized that Jeff was right. Their plane was going to depart in another hour, so they did have to get ready to go.
I heard Drew sigh behind me, knowing that he didn't like this anymore than I did. He then turned to me.
"Can you come to the airport with us, sweetie?" Drew asked me.
I sighed and shook my head.
"I'm sorry, Drew." I said, feeling guilty. "I can't go with you guys to the airport to say goodbye to you all. We'll just have to do it here."
I could see that Drew was hurt by my answer, but it couldn't be helped. I knew it was coming.
Drew sighed and turned away from us, walking over to the window, looking outside.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Sean." He said. "If you really loved me enough, nothing would stop you from coming to the airport to see me off."
He turned back around to face me. When he did, his eyes were filled with tears. Then he spoke again.
"I'm also sorry I made love to you, since you obviously can't love anyone anymore." He said, his voice cracking.
"Drew, you did what?" Jeff asked, in disbelief. "I can't believe that! Why would you do that?"
I turned around, giving Jeff an angry look.
"Jeff, what Drew and I did is between the two of us and frankly it is none of your business. So, stay out of it." I snarled.
"The hell it isn't!" Jeff said, glaring at me. "Drew happens to be my friend too and now you've hurt him. Wasn't Nick enough?"
Jeff had finally struck the final nerve within me, and I decked him before he saw it coming.
"Oh my god, Jeff!" Danny said, leaning down and helping Jeff up. Jeff's bottom lip was bleeding from where I had hit him.
Danny looked back up at me and the look in his eyes would have had me scared in the past. He was out for blood! and this time, it was mine!
"I would be a fool to dirty my hands on you." Danny growled. "You're scum! You are scum!
I just looked at him, my face void of any emotion. The fact that I had hit Jeff and hurt him, also hurt Danny as well. He was finally ready to accept a future without me in it.
"And you were right before." Danny continued. "Our friendship is definitely over. After today, I don't ever want to see you or speak to you, again."
"That's about enough you two." Drew said, stepping in between us to keep Jeff, Danny, and I from going after each other again. "I want you both to leave now. Sean and I have to say goodbye."
"Fine." Jeff said. "But don't take long. We have to be going soon. I'm going to go and see if Nick is ready to go as well."
"I won't, Jeff." Drew said, giving him a weak smile.
Jeff's gaze then turned back to me and his eyes grew cold again.
"I won't forget this, Sean!" Jeff said, pointing to his busted lip, his voice filled with anger. "I will never forgive you for this! If I never see you again, it'll be soon enough for me!
Then, he turned to Danny.
"Come on, babe, help me get cleaned up in our room." He said, gently.
"You bet, sweetie." Danny said, putting his arm around Jeff's shoulders. He looked back at Drew.
"Later, Drew." He said, as he and Jeff turned to leave.
"Later, guys." Drew said, as they shut the door behind them.
"Do you have any idea of the damage you have done?" Drew said, sternly. "It's bad enough that you and Danny are no longer friends anymore, but to go and alienate Jeff as well? What the hell were you thinking?"
I turned around, shocked at Drew's annoyed demeanor.
"Drew, Jeff made me mad!" I told him. "He practically accused me of hurting you and Nick on purpose!
"And for that, you had to hit him?" Drew asked, sarcastically.
"What was I supposed to do? stand there and take it? The guy insulted me!" I said, harshly. "Trust me, he had it coming to him!"
"Never mind, that's not the point anyway." Drew said, sighing heavily. "The point is that we can't go on like this anymore. You have to decide whether or not, you want our relationship to work out. If you do, then you will have to find a way to get along with everyone else.......
Here, Drew took another deep breath.
"And if you don't," Drew continued. "Then you say goodbye right here and now and we both come to a mutual understanding. So, which is it going to be?"
I thought over what Drew had said and what I had to gain by starting a relationship with him. I could be happy again and be loved again. On the other hand, I could also be hurt again, if the relationship didn't work out.
I also thought over what I had to lose by walking away. I would probably always wonder what could have been with Drew and know that I would never have another chance to find out again. We would agree to go our separate ways and never contact each other again, which included Nick, and everyone else in the group as well. That meant that I would lose Justin, and Kandi as well, who were probably two of my only friends now at this point.
After, carefully considering all the advantages and disadvantages of the situation, I had made my decision.
I turned back to face Drew.
"Have you made your decision? He asked.
"I have." I replied.
"Well, what will it be?" Drew said.
I prepared to answer him.
OUTSIDE NICK'S ROOM...............
"Nick! Open up! Are you in there?!" Jeff yelled, banging on the door. "Nick!"
Jeff then tried the door, and realized that it was open. He and Danny immediately stepped inside and cautiously looked around.
The room was empty and Nick was nowhere to be seen.
"Jeff, Nick's clothes are gone." Danny said, as he checked the closet.
"So is his suitcase." Jeff said. "He must have gotten an early start and decided to be ready sooner. He probably took his things down to the limo already.
Then Jeff frowned.
"But if he was going to do that, why didn't he let us know? Why haven't we heard from him?" He asked, outloud.
"I don't know, Jeff." Danny replied. "That isn't like him at all not to check in with us."
Jeff scanned the room and something caught his eye on the beside table. He bent over to pick it up.
"What's that, Jeff?" Danny asked him.
Jeff studied it more closely. It was an envelope with Drew's name on it. And it was in Nick's handwriting.
"It's a letter to Drew from Nick, Danny." Jeff said. "It's Nick's handwriting.
"Should we read it?" He asked, as he came over beside Jeff to look at the note.
"No." Jeff said. "We should take this to Drew first and then he'll read it to us."
"Ok, come on." Danny said, walking to the door with Jeff behind him.
They closed the door and walked back over to Drew's room and knocked on the door.
Drew opened the door and looked up at Jeff.
"Hey, Jeff, what's up?" He asked.
"Well, Drew, we can't find Nick anywhere."
"What?" Drew asked in shock, then opened the door more and stepped aside. "Come on in."
Jeff and Danny walked into his room and Drew shut the door. He then turned around to face Danny and Jeff.
"I found this in his room." Jeff said, holding up the letter he had in his hand. "it's addressed to you and it's Nick's handwriting on it."
"Let me see it, please?" Drew asked holding out his hand.
Jeff held out the letter to Drew. Drew took it and looked at it.
"Yeah, it's my brother's handwriting alright." He said. "Well let's see what's in here."
Drew tore open the envelope and found a piece of paper inside of it.
It's a letter from Nick." Drew told them, then he started to read it.
Drew,
I've booked an earlier flight back home, so I will already be back in L.A. by the time you read this letter. I'm sorry I didn't tell you or any of the guys in person. I had alot on my mind and I wanted to think things through on my own.
I'll see you guys back in Los Angeles.
Love,
Nick.
Drew put down the letter and frowned. It wasn't like Nick to just up and leave without telling him. He knew his brother really well, but this was something that Drew never would have seen coming.
"I'm worried about him." Drew said. "Especially after his run in with Sean this morning."
"What do you mean?" Danny asked him.
"Well, Nick walked in on Sean and I going at it in his room last night and freaked out. I feel bad about that, by the way. Anyway, Sean went to see him earlier this morning and somehow ended up throwing our night of passion in Nick's face, during an argument that they had."
"I can't believe this!" Jeff said, annoyed. "Well, I hope Nick told Sean where he could go."
"Actually, Nick kissed him." Drew confessed.
"He what?!" Danny exclaimed.
"I know." Drew said, nodding. "I was as shocked as you both are right now when Sean told me that and I wanted to kill Nick. But Sean said that Nick told him that that kiss was the final kiss that they would ever share and that their friendship was over. After that was said, Nick kicked him out of his room."
"Well, good for Nick." Jeff said. "I knew he'd be able to deal with Sean."
Danny looked around the room.
"Where is Sean, anyway?" he asked.
"He left." Drew said, quietly.
"What happened?" Jeff asked him.
Just then, the phone started ringing.
"Hold that thought." Drew said, as he picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Drew, thank god you're still there!" He heard his mother's voice say.
"Mom?" Drew asked, hearing the worry in his mother's voice. "What's wrong? you sound worried?"
"I am, sweetheart." Mrs. Lachey replied. "Do you have any idea where your brother is right now?"
"He should be back home by now, Mom." Drew told her. "Jeff and Danny brought me a letter they found in his room and it said that he caught an earlier flight back to Los Angeles. Look, we're about ready to leave for the airport right now to head back home. I'll find Nick when I get home and have a talk with him."
"That would be great." Mrs. Lachey said. "Except........
"Except, what?" Drew asked her, now worried.
"Except, that Nick is no longer in L.A.
******************************************************* BACK AT THE BEACH APARTMENT.............
I parked the car into the parking lot of the beach apartment and shut off the engine.
I got out and started walking towards my apartment. As I stepped up the stairs, I walked over to the mailbox by the door to check and see if we'd gotten any mail.
it appeared that there was a note with my name on it inside, but with no forwarding address on it. I looked inside the mailbox again, but didn't see any other mail inside.
Remembering, that it was Sunday and that mail didn't come on Sundays, really left me puzzled as to why I would have anything in my mailbox today.
I looked at the letter more closely and recognized Nick's handwriting.
I unlocked my door and entered the apartment, closing the door behind me.
I walked over to the couch and set my keys on the coffee table.
I looked at the letter, wondering when Nick had left it.
I opened it and started reading it.
******************************************************* Dear Sean,
This is one of the hardest letters that I've ever had to write to you. If you want to destroy this letter rather than read it, I wouldn't blame you. But if you haven't destroyed it yet, please read it. You need to know what's going on with me. I couldn't talk to anyone else, so I decided to write to you instead.
I'm such a mess now, more than ever, Sean. I thought I was happy. I thought I had everything that I could ever want: An amazing wife, A beautiful little girl, and a career that I've loved ever since our first debut. I realized this morning that even though I have everything that I could ever want, that something was missing.
And that something, or should I say, someone, is you.
When I walked in on you and Drew, going at it in my room last night, it caught me so off guard. I took a walk to clear my head and then went back to my room later. By then you and Drew were in his room, asleep.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. Every time I would fall asleep, I'd see you and Drew going at it in my dreams and I'd wake up again in a cold sweat.
And when you came to me this morning and wanted to talk, I was so rude to you. And then, when you told me that you and Drew made love last night, I just lost it and accused you of using my brother to get back at me for cheating on you with Matt. And when I kissed you and told you that it was for the last time, that was a lie.
It wasn't until you left the room that I broke down, knowing that you could never love me again and that I'd destroyed any chance we had of becoming friends again.
I still love Jessica very much, but I love you more now than I ever have, and a part of me wishes that I could just take you in my arms and never let you go again. But I know that that can never happen again. The other part of me wants to do what's right and rebuild what I have with Jessica, and to make sure that my daughter, Nikki, grows up in a loving home with two parents under the same roof, who love each other.
One thing that I am sure of is of my love for Nikki. I am willing to do whatever I can to make her happy, even if that means trying to rebuild my relationship with her mother, which I'm unable to do right now. And I can't handle seeing you and Drew together right now, either. I need to take time to sort out my life and once that's done, figure out where I go from there. That's why I'm leaving town.
I don't know where I'm going to go or when I will be back. But just know that there will be a thousand times a day that I'll be thinking of you and that there will be a thousand times a day that I'll be thinking about, what we could be doing together.
Please don't try to find me. And don't show this letter to anyone. I have a feeling that things will get very ugly with me gone and I couldn't bear it if you are blamed for my disappearance.
I wish you all the best with my brother and I hope that you two are very happy. that's all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. And since it can't be me, I can't think of a better guy who deserves love more than Drew. I believe you will be good for him and that you two will work out.
If that is not the case, then I've truly destroyed everything I ever truly cared about. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I had no choice but to leave.
I wish you nothing but the best and I hope I see you again, someday.
All my love,
Nick
******************************************************* When I'd finished reading, I realized that there were wet spots on the paper, which meant that Nick had been crying while he had been writing it. I noticed that I too was crying when I felt the tears on my cheeks.
Nick's letter had really touched me. I was very worried about him. I knew that this letter didn't change anything between us, but that didn't mean that I didn't cared. I still cared for Nick a great deal and I realized now that Nick needed my friendship more than ever.
TBC............?
Well that's all for this installment. I will try to work on the next one as soon as I can.
"How will Drew and everyone else close to Nick react when they find out that Nick has left?"
"How will Sean deal with the fall out from Nick's disappearance?"
"Is Sean's friendship with the guys truly over?"
but the real question is:
"Will Nick ever return?
What happens next? Oh, if you only knew!
slpwriter@yahoo.com