This writing on schedule thing kind of sucks. I apologize that this isn't really my best work, but set that deadline i made for myself really badly timed. Oh well, live and learn.
Scott Lockhart
Betcha thought that I wouldn't deliver, huh? Or that I wouldn't be ready in time? Well, here it is, right on schedule. And this will begin my new Cancun series, which should provide a more colorful and exotic background to get tempers really flying.
Warning, this chapter is meant to be a suspense builder, so no real conflict resolution or anything, but its also a chapter I had fun writing, letting everyone's personalities bounce off each other. Enjoy!
"What do you mean?" I repeated, frustrated that he couldn't see the seriousness of this situation. It was his career, after all.
Josh quickly turned off his computer and put it away, then shifted a little in his seat and moved the arm rest from between us up.
"I think that both of us have let this whole gay stigma gone a little bit too far." He finally said.
I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't think of anything, so I just shut it.
"See, we both worry too much about what other people think, and we don't even think about what we think," he said.
"Ok," I answered.
"Like, we're so quick to pretend we aren't together, when he stop holding hands whenever anyone gets close and stuff, that I'm afraid it might push us apart," he said,
"Ok," I said again, seeing his point.
"Well, let's talk about it. We haven't really talked about this too much, have we? All we said was that we wouldn't be all clingy around the rest of the guys or in public, just because we didn't think we were ready for that. But now, I think we should talk about it."
"Ok," I said for the third time. I waited for him to start, not really knowing what to add.
"Well?" he prompted, looking at me as if he wanted me to start.
"Oh, well, ok. Um..." I said, stalling. What did I think? My actions told me that I was a little...ashamed of our relationship, I guess, since I was always so quick to try and hide it. I reflected on how this must make Josh feel...like I was ashamed of him. That wasn't it, I just didn't want all the negativity that came with being gay. One Chris was bad enough, and his negative attitude just made me overly protective of my own reputation, even with strangers, apparently. I had kind of a fear of being too different, and being excluded, or else I just knew that the general society wasn't ready to accept this kind of lifestyle, if ever, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to sacrifice everything I had ever known for Josh. My heart was telling me one thing, stay with Josh, fuck everyone else, but my head told me something completely different.
I had been tense all week, always afraid someone might discover what was really going on between Josh and me. I had been quick to deny any reference to my being gay at first, until it was just too obvious that Josh and I were together to try to deny it anymore. Josh was ready to accept it, maybe even come to terms and realize for himself that it wasn't something to be ashamed of, it was just a different part of himself. He stopped being so concerned about letting other people see, and he always seemed to look a little disdainful whenever I dropped his hand. But I just wasn't ready for the public relationship kind of thing yet. I wasn't ready to tell anyone, or to try and accept it. I was still thinking that eventually I would come to my senses, or something would happen, or some girl would come along, and I had to tell Josh that I couldn't be gay, I just couldn't. But every time I pictured THAT in my head, I just couldn't see the conversation happening. I couldn't see a time without Josh. I don't think I wanted a time without Josh, I just couldn't. Who would be there to ask me how my day went, help me plan for my future, or talk about how proud he was of everything I've done, and how happy he is with me? I used to think about having a family when I'm older, but now...I've been thinking what the future will be like with Josh by my side instead of a wife. And actually, it didn't seem so bad, as long as it was just him and me, and we didn't have to be seen by anyone else.
Ironically, it had been me that had revealed us to the rest of the group. And I had been ok with that, knowing that this famous music group would have much better things to do than worry about some punk college kid and his sexuality issues. But every time I thought about the good things that happen in a relationship, for instance taking them to meet my dad, or to meet my friends, I just got all in a panic, thinking that for the rest of my life, people would be whispering behind my back. Maybe I hadn't matured enough yet, but I really did care what my friends thought of me. A lot. They were the only measure I could make of my worth as a person, and I just don't think they'd all be oh, how great Austin, what's his name? How'd you meet?
"Austin?" Josh interrupted my thoughts, and I realized that once again, I had zoned out, worrying about my own insecurities instead of talking about them, like always.
"Sorry, J. I just don't know if you want to hear what I have to say," I said, looking down.
"What? How can you say that? You can tell me anything. As long as its not 'I'm in love with someone else', I'm all ears." Josh said patiently. He flashed me his little smile, and I tentatively smiled back.
"I guess, if you want the truth, I'm still not ready to be all out and proud, Josh. It's not that I'm ashamed of you or anything, I love you. I mean that."
Josh grinned again. "I love you too," he said automatically. A warm feeling flushed through me.
"I just don't think I'm ready to face the world with one of my strongest shields gone," I said, remembering a quote from his song.
"You won't be without a shield Austin. You'll have an even bigger one, one that I helped make, and I would be so happy to be underneath it than outside of the other ones."
I laughed. "Why are you so poetic all the time?" I asked him.
"I'm a song writer. It comes with the territory," he grinned. "Actually...," he said suddenly, pulling his laptop back up.
It took a second for the screen to pop back up, and I saw him quickly type in: "I know you have a shield, but I can put one over both of us."
"Ohh," I groaned. "Now I'm in an N'sync song," I said. He smirked, then smacked me on the arm.
"I'm serious Austin. I love you, and I respect that. I'm not going to try and rush our relationship out in the open yet, I don't think I'm ready for it either. I also understand you're a real quiet private person. But I want in, ok? I...I want you to talk to me about stuff too, ok, because sometimes I feel like I'm always the one talking, always the one breaking down, and you keep yourself away, just a little bit."
"Josh..." I started to protest.
"I know its because you still feel real ashamed of the whole thing. It's ok. I feel that way to, sometimes. I know its not me your afraid of, you're afraid of what other people are going to say and think if they knew."
I smiled. "Sometime I don't even have to talk, babe. You always know what I'm thinking."
"Well, don't let that be an excuse for you, buddy. I'm only saying what I think might be going on in that head of yours. But I can't keep guessing forever."
"I know. I'll try to be better. And you're totally right, I'm still really paranoid about this whole thing, I don't know. I just need some time, I guess."
"I got all the time you need, man. I mean, its not like I suddenly want to join the pride parade either," he said, shrugging.
"Maybe not yet. But you...you don't get all tense and nervous when someone sees us and stuff. Are you really that confident that nothing is going to happen?" I asked.
"Its not that, its just that I'm real proud to be with you. And I don't really care what other people think, because I know you'll just beat them up if I asked you to." He said matter-of-factly.
I dropped my jaw in outrage. "Wha...What?!?" I said in disbelief.
Josh responded by giggling. "You're so cute when you do that Austin! Even though you're this big guy, you can still act like such a little kid sometimes," he said, his eyes flashing.
I just shook my head at him, and decided to let him get away with it. I locked my eyes with his, and we both started laughing. This reminded me of how much I loved our time alone together, and how we could spar back and forth and still know that we were still close. All my worries seemed to just float away with Josh, and I loved the constant sarcasm that we had going. I didn't have that with anyone else.
Josh and I talked about just about everything for the rest of the plane trip, all the way through both in-flight movies. Josh had just as many fears about everything that I did, like if Chris might somehow sabotage the Cancun concert, if we could trust the rest of the guys to keep their mouths shut about us, because Joey had already told Lisa, and she might have told Nelly, and we weren't sure how that might go. I hardly knew Nelly at all, but Josh seemed particularly worried.
Josh said that for now, as long as weren't in the public eye, we should be as affectionate as we wanted to be. Why not? Everyone that counted already knew we were together anyway, why shouldn't everything be green for us? Why did we have to feel guilty and hide ourselves from everyone? Like, why did we feel weird being affectionate in front of Justin yesterday? It didn't make sense, and I'm sure Justin had used that to his advantage to try and keep us apart as much as possible, knowing we were still trying to consider his feelings over our relationship.
From now on, no more thinking about everyone else first. It was just us now, and in order to build more confidence in our relationship, we needed to have more confidence in ourselves by not being afraid to show our friends how happy we were.
I was also entertaining the idea of going so far as to tell my dad all about Josh as soon as I got back. I knew that he would support me no matter what I did, and I just couldn't see someone so optimistic and loving to me after all these years suddenly shutting the door in my face. He would be my first hurdle, but also the easiest, because I knew that he would react anything but negatively.
My friends and classmates at school, however, were a different story. What would Tony say if I said, "Hey dude, guess what. I'm gay?" After he'd gotten over his shock, he'd probably knock me out.
What would Hunter, Luke, Jamison, Doug, and Mack Williams, guys I hung around with all the time say if I announced that I was in love with a guy? They'd probably think I was kidding, then eventually never talk to me again, though I'm sure they would talk about me behind me back.
What would Stacey Granger, this girl that has been after me ever since I broke up with Jen say if I said I was gay? What would everyone in my classes, the baseball team, people from high school, think? My roommate, and the people on my floor? Would guys wonder if I had always been trying to get with them? Would I be avoided in like the shower and locker rooms?
What would Jen say? I hadn't given her a single thought in weeks. What would her friends think? What would most girls think?
That was a lot of people, people that I see everyday, and I knew that after the end of this week, I wouldn't be able to hide behind Josh. He'd be gone, touring or whatever. He couldn't spend time with me even if he wanted to, and besides, what was he going to do, accompany me to classes so that no one would make fun of me?
But still...he wouldn't be there to come home to when I spend a day with people whispering about me, giving me weird side looks, and teasing me. I would be all alone, really really alone. Avoided, maybe even kicked off the baseball team. I couldn't handle that, I loved baseball. It was all I had. That was a dark prospect that I wasn't ready to deal with. That hurdle was a long way down the track. Years maybe, maybe not even till after I graduated.
I told this to Josh, and he said he was completely content to wait and see what would happen. I knew that he would never, ever force me to do something I didn't want to do, and I assured him that it wasn't because of him, but rather because I wouldn't be with him as closely as were now to feel comfortable doing that just yet.
Unfortunately, that sort of reminded us of our very short time left together. Less than 72 hours. But I refused to think about that. I wanted us to put as much as we could into our last few days together, instead of getting all depressed about the limited time.
Josh talked about telling his parents soon. I realized that I knew very little about his family, and I asked him to finally tell me about them. He said he had one younger sister, and that his folks lived in Maryland. His dad was a pharmacist, and his mom was a homemaker, and that his sister was an education major at Vanderbilt. She wanted to be a teacher. He said he wasn't sure how any of them would react, and that he had always wanted to tell them, but he thought he would wait until he was in love before risking alienating himself from his family, and I guess his time was ready. I told him I would support no matter what he did, and he said he might want me to meet them after a while. I said, it might be too soon, I mean we had only been together barely a month, and he said soon. When the time was right.
We talked for so long about our relationship and our feelings and the future, we didn't even realize that we were taxiing the international airport in Cancun until the seatbelt light had clicked on. I looked at my watch, and saw that it was already two o'clock. It was actually later with the time difference, almost four o'clock., and I worried that maybe they might have had to do something today, but Josh assured me that the company had given them Thursday off. They had to perform tomorrow at noon, then several times on Saturday.
Once we had landed, Josh and I headed out through the gate, but we were stopped by the buff guy in the earring. We looked up in surprise, both of us having completely forgotten him in our long talk. The guy was grinning, and he reached out his hand in greeting.
Josh shook his hand, both of mine being saddled with our carryons (Josh kept telling me to stop doing stuff like that for him, but Sergio hadn't so much as offered us a glance. I guess Mike was the only bodyguard who willingly did stuff like carry things and help them out).
"Hi, I'm Todd Langdon. I wanted to apologize for staring at you earlier," he said, smiling widely at me.
"No problem," said Josh, glancing at me. I nodded, then moved to go around the guy.
"This is Austin, and I'm..." Josh started to say, trying to be polite, but Todd interrupted him.
"Oh, I know who YOU are. I've had a crush on you ever since like, tenth grade, JC," said Todd, smiling, his eyes getting a bit wider.
Josh's jaw dropped in shock, and I nudged him with my shoulder.
"Told you," I said, smirking.
"Shut up," he muttered, slamming my Huskies hat onto his head in embarrassment.
To make matters worse, Sergio tapped Josh on the shoulder form behind us and said to Josh, "How long will I be needed, sir?"
"Are you in, like, a hurry?" said Todd, glancing at the bodyguard and stalling, still standing in front of the exit.
"Well..." said Josh. Really, we had nothing planned for the rest of the day. Josh had mentioned that a meeting was planned for them at noon, but obviously we had missed that.
Still, what was with this guy? He was a complete stranger. Why wouldn't he move out the damn way?
I let Josh decide. "No, not really," he said, glancing at his watch. "I'll be meeting up with the others soon, and then you can leave, Sergio. Thank you," he said to the bodyguard, who nodded from behind us, and we followed Todd out the gate, who started to say:
"Would it be weird if I asked you guys to get some coffee or something?" he said eagerly, smiling even wider. I watched him eye Josh appreciatively as we walked through the connector, looking him up and down. Someone had never heard of subtlety, I noted, as I started to feel a slight twinge of jealousy.
Josh apparently didn't notice, as he looked to me to see if I felt like having coffee with this guy that had been kind of gawking at me all during the flight.
I shrugged my shoulders, and he turned back to Todd to say sure. I knew that this guy was probably dealing with some sexuality issues, and Josh felt obligated, I think to help him.
"You can probably guess why I want to talk to you," Todd was saying as we walked down the aisle. "I mean, I didn't mean to intrude or anything, but wow, I can't believe this, I mean at first I was just thinking how great that I actually was twenty feet away from you, and then you're gay? Holy crap! If you didn't have a hunk like this guy right next to you, I'd have been all over you by now, wow, this is so great, so like, are you here for the whole MTV thing? What am I saying, no duh, you are, but where's the rest of them? I mean..." he kept babbling. He quickly irritated the hell out of me, and I glared at Josh for volunteering our afternoon away. He had no issues to deal with, he was perfectly content with himself; he was just a crazy fan.
Once we got out into the terminal, I saw Joey, Lance, and Justin all standing in the small, private first class deboarding lounge. I was dismayed to see that none of them had bothered with a better disguise than sunglasses and baseball caps, and Todd of course immediately recognized them, and started sputtering even more.
"Oh my god!" he said, overwhelmed. He practically dropped his laptop case as he realized who he was looking at.
When we reached the other three, they all seemed glad to see us. Joey grabbed me and gave me a rough hug, which he always did if I hadn't seen him for longer than two hours. I wondered if I would ever be that enthusiastic and open. Probably not.
"So how was public airfare?" he said jovially to Josh, cuffing him in the shoulder.
"We didn't know when you would land, so we've been here for over an hour," added Lance, surprising us both by hugging us around our shoulders, a very un-Lance-like thing to do.
Suddenly, Todd butted in and started jabbering away, "Oh my god, its like the whole group, can I get an autograph, I didn't even realize you were going to be here, like holy crap, I can't wait to tell everyone I know I saw Nsync!"
Joey and Lance grabbed Josh and me and led us away while Todd just about fainted seeing poor defenseless Justin.
As we were walking, Lance dropped his voice so that Todd, who was currently harassing poor bum-leg Justin into giving him an autograph, couldn't hear. "What's with the AOF?"
"The what?" I said.
"The Annoyingly Obnoxious Fan," said Joey, who was enjoying seeing Justin try and fend off Todd with one working leg. Justin's fame was working to our advantage, as now Josh and I had completely been dropped from his attention.
"He was sort of staring at us during the trip, and then he was suddenly all over Josh, wanting an autograph or something," I said, tactfully leaving out the part of us fooling around in front of him.
"Well, that's just one of them. We're lucky the airport is so dead right now, or we'd've had to bring more bodyguards," Joey nodded to the two guys standing some ways off, both looking very big.
"Gimme a break," I said, rolling my eyes. I really didn't expect N'sync to have much of a following with the college crowd.
"Suit yourself, but you'll be needing Justin's crutches this time tomorrow," said Joey teasingly.
"Hey Austin, I'd like you to meet someone," said Lance, as I realized at the exact same moment that we weren't exactly alone. A pretty blonde girl was standing close next to Lance, smiling uncertainly.
"This is my girlfriend, Sara. Sara, Austin," Lance said politely, and I shook hands with her.
"Pleased to meet you," said Sara, and I couldn't help but think what a perfect looking girl she made for Lance. I mean, she was pretty, but not drop dead gorgeous, and her clothes were very conservative, so much like Lance himself. She had a long-sleeved olive green T-shirt and khaki short shorts with a tan sweater tied around her waist, and pink, 60's style cat-eye glasses. Her hair was brushed back into a simple ponytail.
"Hi," I answered.
"Sara's been here since Tuesday, right?" Lance said, and she nodded.
"It wasn't so bad earlier, but now everyone and their brother is walking around the city right now," she said.
"That sucks. We were hoping to do something this afternoon since you guys FINALLY aren't working," I said.
"Oh I know, you'd think that singing love songs wouldn't require a schedule worse than the Presidents," joked Sara, and I laughed.
"I know, I've been hanging around these guys all week, and now I've spent more time with security than with them," I said.
"Boy, you have no idea until you're spending most of New Years dancing with Carl over there..." Sara said, pointing out one of the bodyguards pacing the edge of the gate... "Because someone..." jabbing Lance in the side..."was too busy singing the countdown song!" I laughed.
Just then, Justin came back up to us, after somehow shaking off his newest fan.
"Well since we have all afternoon free, how bout we go shoot some pool or something?" suggested Justin.
"There would be a line of drunk co-eds at every single place we went to," said Joey. "Remember last time? We couldn't get a table until four in the morning, and that was only after some girl threw up on it."
"Only after she made out with you," shot back Justin.
"What do you want to do?" said Josh, taking the attention away from Justin and Joey and looking at me. "We've all already done this a few times already, so maybe you'll have some new ideas."
"You're asking a college kid what he wants to do in Cancun? Do you think he'll be any different than the other three million that are frying their brains away right now?" said Justin, managing to stay by my side as our group started to walk out of the lounge.
"I wanna go swimming, actually," I replied honestly. "My whole spring break, I've been to the beach once. Everyone's going to think I'm lying about my week in "paradise" when I come back home with no tan."
Unfortunately, this was greeted with a series of hisses and soft "ooohs,"
"What?" I said.
"If you're going to hit the beach, you're going to have to fly solo, dude," said Joey, looking chagrined.
"Why?" I said. "Dude, don't pull the 'oh we're famous' line on me again. I'm sure if you went to the beach, no one would even give you guys a second glance," I said, and I got a bunch of sarcastic snorts in reply.
"Yeah, someone tried that last year when he decided to pop into a 7 11 for some coffee and we practically had to call in riot control," said Lance, nodding back to Justin, who turned red in embarrassment.
"Hey, I can't help it if I'm sexy," he said, and we all groaned at him.
"I'm sure you didn't look that sexy being rescued like a damsel in distress," said Sara, and we all cracked up. I was glad that Sara wasn't feeling intimidated by being the only girl among five guys. She was probably used to it already, hanging around the group for awhile. She also obviously had a sense of humor. I had a real nice vibe about her.
"So like, where are we going?" said Justin, looking cluelessly around the airport.
"Baggage claim," said Josh and I at the same time. We followed a sign out of the terminal we were at and got on an escalator, everyone still talking about the incident with Justin at the 7-11. He kept trying to change the subject, but the others wouldn't let him.
"If you want to go swimming, there's a pool at the hotel you're staying at," Josh said later to me as we were walking slightly ahead of the rest of the group. I grimaced.
"This place is supposed to have some of the best beaches in the world, I don't want to just swim at some hotel pool," I complained.
"Well, you can beach it tomorrow, but I can't go out to the beach this afternoon. Even with a bodyguard, do you know how crowded it is down there? And don't think we won't be recognized. If I tried a disguise, I'd stick out even more, considering hardly anybody wears anything but a thong here," said Josh.
"Well, then I guess if the only way I'll see you in a bathing suit is at a hotel pool, I'll take what I can get," I said, smiling, and he grinned back. The others were too far away to hear.
Josh and I retrieved our bags, thankful that they hadn't ended up in Tahiti or something, and walked our way through security. Joey and Lance had both driven rental cars to accommodate our party of eight, and we piled all the stuff in, squeezing me, Josh, one of the bodyguards, and of course, Justin into one of the cars, and Joey, Lance, and Sara into the other with the other bodyguard.
Justin seemed quiet on the trip to the hotel, and Josh and I were wondering what was wrong. Maybe he was mad at us for ditching him last night.
"Justin, are you ok, man?" I said, trying to break the ice.
"Yeah, I'm cool," he said without looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders at Josh, and he frowned. But he didn't say anything to Justin for the rest of the trip, and when we arrived at the hotel, Justin just got out of the car and immediately made for the doors, leaving us to bring in all the stuff.
A bellhop showed up about ten seconds later, so I guess it wasn't as rude as I thought, but still. Lance pulled his car up next to ours and they all got out, the bodyguards leaving the group now that we were within the walls of the very palatial hotel. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, as I finally took a look. It seemed to be built right into the side of a cliff, with absolutely gorgeous green tropical wildlife everywhere. A fifty foot fountain stood right to the right of the Spanish colonial style entrance, topped by an arch thirty feet above us. The hotel was facing the ocean to the north, and it looked fantastic. I can't even put into words what half of it looked like, it was simply breathtaking.
Josh noticed my completely touristy look, and he commented on it, whispering that I'd better close my jaw or he'd be getting some ideas. I shoved him playfully ahead of me as we headed into the hotel, through the huge tunnel-like entrance.
The hotel lobby was beauty personified, the domed sky lights and ceiling planter boxes making you feel like you were still outside. A long gold gilded table was set up for check in, and the rest of the lobby was covered with modern art and leather upholstery, all done up in shades of peach, gold, tan, beige, and pink.
Joey and Lance also noticed me taking an eyeful about the place, and they both said I looked like the country bumpkin that came into the big city for the first time, earning themselves a reprimand from Sara. She apologized to me for their childish behavior, and I rolled my eyes. Joey was childish no matter what the circumstances.
Josh checked me in, and we headed to my "room", which turned out to be a three room suite with an ocean view and a Jacuzzi in the huge bathroom, and a 55" big screen TV. A welcoming basket that could have fed a small country sat on the bed, along with a wide array of complimentary wines and cheeses set up in the kitchenette area. I took one look at the place and I tried not to think of how much a spread like this could possibly cost. More than my tuition and car put together, probably.
Joey said he'd help me sample some of the free booze, and he started mixing up some drinks, while Lance and Sarah sat down to watch some TV.
"You said you wanted to go swimming, right?" said Josh, as he pointed out the French doors onto a patio that overlooked the Caribbean Sea and a wide array of boats and windsurfers, looking out onto a heavily populated beach just to the south. We were also up a hill or something, because although the beach was close horizontally, it was really far below. I looked where Josh was pointing to find an immaculate, beautiful crystalline blue pool, complete with a waterfall splashing off some granite rocks and decorative ferns, and featuring a hot tub in the corner. It was completely empty, everyone obviously down at the beach.
My eloquent response? "Holy shit," I mouthed as I took everything in.
"That pool is somewhat private. Only the Jive employees and and our friends can use it this week," said Lance without looking at me.
"Josh, I can't stay here," I said, and everyone looked up at me in surprise.
"What?" he said, looking hurt.
"Look at this place, I feel like I robbed a bank or something," I said waving my arm at the bar where Joey was pouring shots, to the sunken living area where Lance and Sara were cuddled up on the couch catching something on the big screen, to the bedroom where Justin was picking through the welcoming basket.
Sara looked up at us and smiled. "Good pick, JC. Jock boy's no gold digger," she said. How did she...
Josh and my mouths just about dropped and we looked from her to Lance, who was suddenly finding the rerun of SNL very interesting.
"Lance," I growled warningly, and Sara's grin dropped completely. "Oops," she muttered, turning back around.
Lance turned around with his most charming smile, and then acted like he had just seen us standing there.
"Hey guys, what's up?" he said.
A loud bang from behind us told us Joey had finished pouring drinks, and Justin came back out from the bedroom.
"Ok, we're going to have to have a talk," I said to everyone. Josh put his hands on his hips next to me.
"From now on, can we promise to keep me and Josh secret from anyone else? No more friends or girlfriends or coworkers should know, because it'll make it that much easier to ruin your careers, alright?" I said, looking at each of them in turn, making sure Joey saw me look at him when I said coworker. I was still angry at him for telling Lisa about me and josh.
"We don't need any more Chris's, ok?" Josh said meekly, and the rest of them dropped their heads in shame. I took Josh's elbow, and I led him into the bedroom, where I closed the door behind us.
"Do you think that was a little too harsh?" he said as soon as I shut the door. I debated it.
"I don't know, but remember what we talked about, Josh. The more people that know, the harder it's going to be to deny it all to your publicist later," I reminded him.
"Maybe I don't want to deny it," josh said stubbornly, but his conviction was thin.
"Is that what you want?" I said tentatively, not wanting to pressure him into anything.
Josh sighed, then went over and sat on the bed.
"I don't know what I want anymore. I just want to have a nice, relaxing day, that's all." He said.
I was quiet for a minute, wondering if I overreacted. Probably. Well, it was too late now. I tried to change the subject while we stayed in silence.
"Where are you guys going to be at?" I said.
Josh hesitated. "Well, Joey and them are all staying at the Playa del Sol, which is about ten miles that way," he said, pointing back the way we came.
"They?" I repeated. "What about you?"
Josh was still staring into the carpet. "I kind of booked the room next door to you," he said sheepishly.
I couldn't help but smile, as I felt a surge of relief go through me. I would have felt really crummy spending the bulk of the weekend alone in a cushy hotel room being paid for by Josh's company.
"Thank god," I said, and I dropped down next to Josh on the bed. He threw his arm around my shoulder.
"Thanks for coming, Austin. I don't know what I would have done if you'd said no," he said after we sat there for a minute in silence, enjoying each other's company.
"You would have blind and gagged me, right?" I said.
"Well, first I would've had to drug your Koolaid, but yes, the blinds and gags were in the agenda," he said. What a morbid sense of humor we have.
"What about all those handcuffs I found in your suitcase?" I teased.
"Those were to keep you here after Sunday," he said.
We laughed.
"Well, we better get out of here before Joey's dirty minds starts making our excuses for us," he said, getting up. He yanked me up, and I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before we walked back out into the room.
Everyone else got quiet as we came out, all of them gathered around the counter next to Joey, who was putting away a bottle of vodka.
"Oh stop looking like we're going to kill you all," josh snapped. "We just meant let's try and keep this on the down low, ok?"
"look, I'm sorry for telling Sara, I didn't realize..." started Lance, but Josh silenced him with his hand.
"It's ok, we're not mad or anything, just try and play it down a little form now on, ok?" he said, smiling. Seeing him smile, everyone seemed to loosen up, and Justin and Joey resumed their conversation about what tastes good to eat with a screwdriver.
"Well, I hope you all brought your suits, because I am not leaving this vacation without a tan," I said, grabbing my suitcase from where someone had stacked it next to the door.
"Are you sure the hotel pool is enough for your high maintenance ass?" joked Joey, and I flipped him the bird.
"Well, we can just wear our shorts," said Lance, looking to Justin, who nodded, but added: "I can't go in with this leg, but I can hang around by the water."
"And I'm wearing my suit underneath, so let's go grab some towels and stuff, and we'll meet you back here in a few. I'm right down the hall," said Sara, and we all agreed.
"Hey, let me get Nell and Lis over here, maybe they'll want to get in on it. I mean, this hotel has like four pools, and she's staying here too," said Joey, pulling out his phone.
"Cool, well, lemme go change," I said, going into the bedroom.
Josh made a move to follow me, earning himself a remark from Lance: "We said a few minutes, JC. If you go in there, we won't see you two till dinner time." Everyone laughed, while Josh and I just smiled playfully.
Everyone left my room, and I pulled out my swimsuit, which so far, Josh hadn't seen yet. I had bought it especially for this trip, wanting to look my best for him. Not being a fan of Speedos, it was small and black, and the legs were cut up to halfway up my thighs. It wasn't skin tight, but it was tight enough to show off, and it had small white streamlines running through it. I thought it made me look great, but we'll see what Josh thought...
I went into the classy bathroom, leaving Josh to change in the bedroom, and quickly stripped off my T shirt and khakis, and pulled down my boxers. I slid the tiny suit up, and checked myself out in the mirror. I thought I looked pretty ok, my body seemed to be defined just right, my pecs standing out and my abs looking pretty ripped from all the time I had been spending on them, showing off my tight stomach. I also didn't look as pale as I thought, that day at the beach giving me at least a little bit of color so that I didn't look like I was trying to be the poster boy for pneumonia. I flexed a little in the mirror, but, feeling extremely stupid, I stepped out into the bedroom to see my baby's reaction.
Josh was still struggling to take off his black polo shirt that he had worn on the plane. He was wearing a designer white suit, cut in a v over the leg that looked perfect on him. I just stared at his sexy legs and his tight stomach that was still showing, his skin tanned a very dark brown. Suddenly, I felt like Casper the Ghost.
Finally, josh peeled off his shirt, and turned toward me, and I dropped my jaw, for the umpteenth time today. Why do people look so good in bathing suits?
Josh has such an awesome, tanned body. Its not all worked out, like mine, but its tight and hard, everything defined and cut just right. He's got the cutest chest, and those white shorts just accentuated his tan and his darker features. That dark hair hanging off his shoulders looked so good, I let my eyes just flutter down to his beautiful calves and ankles, and back up to his beautiful blue eyes. Man, I totally know that millions of girls would sell their souls to be in my place, and I am damn proud of that fact.
Josh totally killed the moment by saying, "Honey, you can't wear that!"
"Honey?" I repeated.
"If you wear that, I'll have to beat everyone off with a stick," he said, his eyes like laser beams across my bare flesh.
"I was just going to say the same thing about you," I said. "But that honey thing has got to go," I said.
"Boy, I can call you whatever I damn well feel like," he said, smiling those pearly whites.
"You think so?" I retorted. I closed the space between us in two seconds and he danced away, running around the bed.
"Get back here, boy. If I can't wear this, you can't wear that!" I said, jumping across the bed and pinning him against the headboard, then I tried to pull his suit off.
"Fine by me," he said, suddenly stopping resisting as one hand slipped underneath my waistband and the other grabbed my neck, planting his lips on mine. I closed my eyes and started to probe my tongue between his lips, which he greeted with his own tongue, which started snaking its way into my mouth. Josh pulled his other hand out and used it to lean me backward onto the bed, him on top of me as we kissed even more...
Knock, knock, knock! "Quit screwing each other and let's go hit the pool!" boomed Joey's voice. Muffled laughter came out from behind the door.
Josh and I started laughing at each other, him still sitting on me. "this can wait," he assured me with a wink, patting me through my suit. I groaned in frustration.
He hopped off me, threw his beach towel around his shoulders and walked out, while I straightened myself out the best I could and followed him.
As I walked out, I was greeted by the entire entourage, all of them wearing shirts and stuff, and I suddenly felt naked.
Catcalls greeted me, and I turned red with embarrassment. I saw Lisa and Sara sitting at the table in the dinette, Justin halfway through some drink next to them, and Joey gathering up all his shot glasses in both hands from the coffee table where he was trying to carry them outside.
Lisa's bikini (guess what color?) was quite frankly nothing more than some dental floss and a pair of bandaids I noted, as she jumped up and ran over to me to greet me with another hug.
"Hey, babe!" she said. "You sure clean up good!" she giggled, sliding her arm through mine as she led me out to the patio, where everyone was setting up for what I had hoped to be a nice quiet party.
Somewhat bewildered, I tried not to think about what everyone else thought of Lisa's enthusiasm. Nobody seemed to think much, as Joey and Lance and Sarah were busy setting up a bar on one of the wrought iron patio tables, and I couldn't see Nelly anywhere, or Josh. I let her lead me over to the poolside, where she had laid out some towels and lotion and her sunglasses on a pair of chaise lounges butted side to side against each other.
"Where's Nelly?" I said as I sat down, and she adjusted her stuff. "He's seeing to some business, he said," she replied with a wrinkle of her perfect nose. "He works too much," she said.
"They all do," said Sara from the bar, and they exchanged knowing glances.
I saw Josh look forlornly at me from the other side of the pool, where he had some magazines and our towels in his hands. I waved him over. We should've known our friends would never let us just be together by ourselves.
"Hey Austin, showing enough skin, are we?" I heard Justin say from behind me, and when I turned to look at him, his eyes wouldn't leave my chest. I tried not to notice.
"Well, they had a size smaller, but little Austin wouldn't quite fit," I joked, and everyone laughed. I scooted over so that Josh could sit next to me on the lounge, and he spread out our towels over another lounge and dragged it over so that I was between him and Lisa.
As if things weren't crowded enough, Justin perched himself on the edge of my lounge, his leg sticking right out in front of him as he laid his crutches on the pool deck. Lisa adjusted her lounge so that she could sit up and read, and I started to put some tanning lotion on, all set to soak up the sun, but I felt really...watched...as I rubbed the oil into my skin.
Josh resolved my problem by taking the bottle from me, and started to rub my back, while Justin tried not to watch. Lisa started talking about tomorrow.
"Run your schedule by me again, J?" she said, looking at him over the top of her sunglasses.
"We have one late morning run at 11:45, then at 1:00 we have to sing nonstop for forty minutes, for about five minutes of airtime." Josh answered, as he stopped to refill his hand with lotion.
"Don't forget the three o clock show, and the one at sunset, and the after dark show," added Justin. I looked at him, and he quickly looked away from me. Something was still bothering him, I could tell.
"I didn't forget," said Josh irritably.
"I'm just saying..."
"Well, don't alright? I know what our schedule is." I bit my lip, completely not seeing a fight between Josh and Justin coming.
"Sor-rry," said Justin sarcastically, not sounding sorry at all.
"Come on guys, relax," said Lisa, looking from one to the other.
"Who asked you?" Justin said nastily.
"Well nobody, but don't think I'm just going to listen to your whiny ass all damn day," said Lisa, not one to avoid confrontation, like yours truly.
"Don't call me whiny. You have no right to say that to me!" said Justin defensively.
"I can say whatever I damn well feel like, you little stuck up prick!" snapped Lisa.
"It's not like we want to listen, we can't help but hear your fucking, annoyingly high pitched scratchy voice. Damn, Nelly is crazy to still be with some nasty thing like you. Look at you, in that slutty little swimsuit, cozying all up to Austin, if I were Nelly I'd have slapped some clothes on you by now," Justin said condescendingly.
"Boy you better watch it or I'll break your other god damn leg!" said Lisa, practically jumping over me to tackle Justin.
"hey, you guys, come on, calm down! What is going on?" said Josh, helping to restore the peace. Lance and Sara came over from the bar.
"What's going on? Things were fine a minute ago, why are you all ready to jump Justin all of a sudden?" said Lance.
"I wasn't!" I protested.
"Of course not," I heard Josh mutter from next to me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said to him.
"Great, see what you did?" said Justin to Lisa.
"Me? I'm going to kick your tripped up pathetic little white ass, come here, you stupid mother fucker!" she said, trying to grab ahold of Justin and strangle him.
"I'm trying to keep the peace, you're the one that started yelling at him first!" I said.
"Gee, I wonder why I would do that, Austin..." Josh wondered aloud.
"Stop!" bellowed Joey form the makeshift patio bar. Everyone stopped squabbling and looked over at him.
"Come on, you guys, we came here to have fun! Well, most of us anyway. Can't we leave all our stupid little fights back in LA where we left them?"
We looked at each other, all of us within two feet of one another, and we looked down in disgust of ourselves.
"Thank you. Now may I be the first to say...Cannonball!" screamed Joey, and he vaulted into the pool, and we all had to get up and scramble away as a tidal wave of water cascaded all over our stuff.
And with that, everyone dived into the water to chase after Joey, and our little squabble was partially forgotten, though I knew deep down that we were in for a long, bumpy ride in the tropical paradise they call Cancun.
TO BE CONTINUED>>>>UPON REQUEST
Hope you liked this chapter. Not too heavy, and it was really fun writing in so many different things. Email me!!! My life really blows right now, and I need some positive news for once. scottiescot@hotmail.com , folks. My next chapter is due out on January 7th, 2003. See you then!