DISCLAIMER **********
This story contains sexual acts between teenage boys. If this is not to your liking, then leave. Simple. If you are UNDER the age of consent for state / country / planet and all laws effective there, please leave now. Of course, I'm underage and I wrote it, so that's pretty odd, don't you think? Actually, as of today, I'm not. I guess I'll have to get a new disclaimer!
I wrote this story. I would be very appreciative if it wasn't changed in any way. You may post it to newsgroups, give it to friends, use it to line a birdcage, as long as I am accredited as the author and you do not charge for doing so. Thanks.
The story is an odd mix of fact and fiction, inasmuch as I exist, the people in this story exist (names have been changed), but these events have not taken place outside my hormone charged imagination. This is not a story about sex. It is a love story with sexual elements in it. The sex takes a while to get to, so be patient. If you are just looking for something to jerk off to, you should probably move on.
If you like this story, mail me at JDThoreau@hotmail.com. If you don't like it, mail me anyway and tell me what's wrong with it. Praise will be appreciated, flames will be ignored. Enjoy!
To Matt-For both the inspiration for this story and his constant support throughout the development of it. Thanks, bro. I love you.
We laid there for a few minutes longer, thinking about what had happened. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I wanted to say something, but there was nothing that I could say to do justice to what I was feeling. After an even longer bout of silence, he sat up. "You're right. We should go."
We both got up from the living room floor. I recalled that his clothes from earlier were still in the hamper, so I went to go get them. I returned to the living room and asked, "Ready to go?"
He nodded and we left. The car ride was eerily silent. About two blocks from his house, he finally said, "You know, I really don't want to go home."
I was glad he said that. "Me neither, want to go somewhere and talk some more?"
He sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
There weren't many places to go this time of night, but I had a spot that I liked. Close to our high school was a little wooded area. It had some jogging trails and other camping areas. Sometimes, I'd go there and just meditate. It was a great place to think about things, and we needed to do just that. I drove through some back roads and found a place to park. It was an idyllic place. There was a full moon, so you had a nice view of the trees. There weren't many electric lights around, so you could see the stars. Most importantly, it was secluded. That's why I loved it so much.
I parked the car and we just sat there. I know it must seem odd after what we had shared, but we just couldn't seem to broach the subject. We sat in the car for at least 5 minutes, listening to the heater hum. Finally, he said, "Jeff?"
"Yeah?"
"Just making sure you were still there."
I didn't know what to say. To tell the truth, I was scared. I had never felt this way before. I was falling in love. It was so frightening. What if he didn't feel the same way? When you love, you become vulnerable. How could I dare to let someone get that close? I had spent my whole life trying to make sure I would never be hurt. I couldn't face his rejection. I stared out of the windshield, surveying the landscape. How could I say it? Do I just look over at him and say, "Kevin, I love you?" He would laugh in my face. He was so wonderful, I didn't deserve to be loved by someone like him. But, oh, how I wanted to. He was so beautiful. His mind, his heart, his body. He was angelic. I just didn't deserve him. I couldn't tell him how I felt.
He asked, "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing." I let a moment pass. "How about you?"
"A whole lot."
It was like standing at the edge of a cliff. What could I do? I finally knew how Prufrock had felt. I was such a coward. He scooted over in his seat and placed his arm around me. It was the first time he had ever done that to me. Somehow, I think he knew that I was upset. I let myself be held by him. My breathing became ragged and I started to cry softly. He spoke, his voice full of concern. "Jeff, what's wrong?"
I could hear my voice break. "Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just..."
"What?"
The words just wouldn't come. "I don't know. There's just so much. So much I want to say."
"Jeff, you have helped me through so much. Please, let me help you. Tell me what's the matter."
Oh, he was so understanding, so kind. I was able to let what I felt pour out. Never before had I told anyone this, not even Mrs. Estes. Yet, here I was, spilling my innermost thoughts and feelings, telling someone about my deepest fears and longings.
"I just...I just...I feel so small, sometimes, you know? So alone, so empty. I just get scared. I feel so unworthy sometimes. I try so hard, but I lie awake at night, listening to my heart beat, and it seems so hollow. It's like a void in my stomach, so cold. I want so much. Oh!" I yelled in frustration. "This must sound so stupid!"
"No! No! It doesn't sound stupid at all! I understand exactly how you feel, Jeff. I feel the same way sometimes."
"You do?"
"Of course."
I continued. "I just feel so small. So alone. But you don't make me feel like that. It's like when I'm with you, I feel like I'm a good person. You make me feel so good. I like being with you, but I don't understand how you could like being around me."
His grip around me tightened. "Jeff! Don't you ever say that! Do you hear me? Ever!"
His anger shocked me. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"Listen to me!" His voice softened. "Jeff, listen to me. Don't ever talk about yourself that way. I care about you so much...I...care about you, you know? I mean it. You're so wonderful. You say that you don't understand how I could want to be around you? For God's sake, Jeff! I'm in...I love you!"
I just stopped. That's the easiest way I can describe it. My lungs refused to work, my heart skipped a beat. I felt like there was iced water running through my veins. The car seemed to be getting smaller. I disengaged myself from his arms and threw the door open, running out into the cold night.
I stopped at the edge of the clearing, right by the forest line, and dropped to my knees on a cement area used for picnics. The shock of the chilly air hitting my face had given me a jump start. I clutched my chest and was grateful to be able to breathe again. From somewhere far away, I heard someone yelling my name.
The first thing I can remember feeling is someone's arms wrapping around me. Kevin fell to his knees and hugged me. "Jeff! What's the matter? Are you all right?"
I nodded and tried to talk. My breathing was very rapid and I couldn't form the words properly. I remember mumbling his name a few times. He shushed me. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't try to talk." I heard agony creep into his voice. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
I was scared out of my mind, but my concern for his feelings outweighed it. First, I had been scared that he didn't love me. Now that I knew he did, that was a whole new frontier of fear. Once again, I was torn. It seemed so right, but if I was to tell him, that would have made me vulnerable. For the first time in my life, I would be letting someone in. They would be able to know my innermost self, then judge me. It was so very frightening, but I couldn't allow him to go on not knowing. He had to know the truth. He deserved that much.
"No, Kevin. No. It's okay. I...I love you, too. I love you, too."
He had his arms around me, and I wrapped mine around him, completing the embrace. Everything seemed so perfect. I fell backwards on the concrete and took him with me. I started to cry and he quickly joined me. The only sounds that could be heard were the faint chirp of nosy crickets and the soft sounds of two young people in love, crying and trying to comfort each other.
When my tears stopped, I felt brand new. It was as if I had been renewed, forged in a baptismal fire. I felt pure, clean. I held my new love in my arms and nuzzled his cheek with my nose. He giggled. "Your nose is cold!"
I giggled too, and pulled him closer. "Sorry. You think we should go back to the car now?"
"I guess so."
He stood up and stared down at me. I didn't move. "You coming?"
I closed my eyes and mumbled, "Unh-uh."
"Why not?"
I cracked one eye opened. "Don't want to."
"Why not?"
I held my arms towards him. "Help me up."
He took my hands in his and I pulled him back down on top of me. I smiled. "On second thought, I'm not going anywhere."
How I enjoyed the feel of his body against mine! It was just so perfect! We were lined up almost identically. His face was poised over mine, and I put my hands on his head. I could smell his sweet, warm breath and I watched as the air from both our lungs mingled to form a small cloud of steam between us. I ran my fingers through his long blond hair. It was so silky. He looked down at me and smiled. He looked perfect. He murmured, "I love you."
I was barely able to declare my own love for him before he closed the distance and our lips met once again. Before, it had been great, exciting. Now that we knew how each other felt, it was beyond anything. That kiss said so much more than I ever could. Our bodies joined, but we were sharing something far more important.
In retrospect, I think that sometimes life has certain turning points. Times that make it seem like the rest of your life was just a prelude to that moment. Suddenly, your life has changed somehow, like the turning of a page. You can make the distinction. There was your life before this moment, and your life after this moment. Kevin and I had shared just such a moment, and I knew that nothing could ever be the same. We were in love. It was a fact. No longer were we just two people. We became joined that night, melded in a bond that I hope everyone can one day be lucky enough to experience. After that one simple kiss to establish it, everything had changed. And oh, how it had changed for the better. We now knew what it was to love.
The car had been idling for at least 15 minutes, and I knew we should go. I could have died there on that spot, in Kevin's arms, and died happy. But since we had the choice, I thought it best to go.
I stood up and took his hand, pulled him towards me. We walked towards the car together, me hating the fact that I had to let him go to get inside. Once we were safely in place, I put the car in gear. During the car ride, we were once again silent, but it wasn't like before. The silence we had shared on the way to the park had been uneasy, as we drove away, it was very comfortable. Neither of us needed to say anything. We had already said all we needed to say. It didn't take long to get to his house. When I pulled in front of it, I looked at my watch. It had just turned 10:15. I looked over at him and smiled. He did the same. I saw so much love in his eyes, he was so beautiful. I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "I love you, Kevin."
"I love you too, Jeff."
"See you tomorrow, then?"
He nodded. "I'll miss you."
I laughed. "It won't be long. Dream of me, okay?"
He laughed, too. "Okay, okay." He took my hand and gave it a final squeeze. He grabbed his workout clothes, stepped out into the cold night and went inside. I drove home to find my parents had returned. I walked inside and smiled at both of them. They must have wondered what I was so happy about. I went to bed quickly. I don't know if Kevin dreamed of me that night, but I certainly dreamed of him. It was one of the best nights I had ever had, and oddly enough, I spent it alone.