This is my first attempt at a boyband fic. It's painfully slow and I apologize in advance. I don't like my writing style but XP~ hope you enjoy~ C & C's appreciated!
G.O.A. Angel
Disclaimer: I do not know *Nsync personally. This is like any other disclaimers you've read. All I'm trying to do is write a fanfic. ::smiles:: Don't even bother to sue me because I have no money ::smiles::
My life, has been a constant struggle ... well not always, but for the most part, it has been. It's hard to say that I have never been happy, I've had my moments, but always, always, happiness is stripped away from me. That's the story of my life. All that I've ever loved and held dear was brutally taken away from me. First my parents, then my sister, then my sight.
These traumatic events that happened early in my life helped me become a bitter cynic, I've heard that phrase all the time. But it's okay, I'm okay, as long as I have my music. I might sound crazy but it's true, without music I would be nothing. I would be a boring picture in the background, living and going by, unnoticed. How to say, music is my life, and am forever in debt to the man who brought me my second life, Mr. Laird.
Maybe I should introduce myself, My name is Kealan Laird. Yes, Mr. Laird adopted me as a son. Lets see, my hair I believe is still silver. I've always had silver hair, don't ask why, I never could explain it. However, I was happy because my mother reassured me that it reminded her of the misty rain of Ireland, Our Land. I've been told that I have emerald eyes that looks so glittering and real that shocks people when they learn that I am blind, which I have been for a good 17 years of my life. I've also been told constantly that I am almost anorexic looking, really skinny. Ugh ... I guess some could say fragile, like a porcelain doll. Andrew always says it's due to the lack to times I spend outdoors.
Andrew, now that's a topic I can talk about with joy, he is my best friend, my confident, and my neighbor. When I was little, I believe I was 7 at that time, Mr. Laird found me shivering on the steps in front of his house. He was a kind hearted man, and he took me into his house, fed me, had me bathed, and let me rest. During all this, all I could do is believe that I was finally in heaven, and that I would finally get to see my parents and sister. But then, I realized that I couldn't possibly be in heaven, because heaven was supposed to be a beautiful place. How could a place be beautiful when everything was black. Everything was black. Surely this wasn't hell, but I quickly dismissed that thought. That was when I realized that I was still blind, and was still in the land of the living. As my little dreams of finally being at peace with my family was shattered, I began to cry. Mr. Laird, not having experience with children, panicked, and ran over to the house next door, and brought Andrew over to try to help me cope with everything.
At first I refused to talk with Andrew and only stayed in the bed, I would never budge from the spot. He was so stubborn and came everyday to try to make friends with me. So dedicated that I found myself looking forward his visit. He would come by my bed and just talk. Sometimes he would talk about his life, and other times we would sit in solitude. He would also bring over music, classical music and just play it, and I would lie there thinking up story lines to the music. Dashing princes, thundering storms. Of course I didn't know what they looked like, but hey, 17 years of pitch dark leads to either insanity or a good imagination. Guess which way I went. He always announced the titles and composers and I found myself getting lost into the music, the universal language. It was my favorite part of my day. When he would come after school and let me listen to the beautiful melodies, filling my head with visions and stories.
I never talked during the countless hours we spent together, and he never expected me to. I always wanted to talk, to share my thoughts of the music but kept them quiet. I recorded every though in my mind, replaying the pieces over and over in my head long after he left. One day, he took my hand and led me out of my room. I guess I looked frightened but he gave me a reassuring squeeze to my hand and I knew that I would be alright. We reached a very large room. Don't ask me how I knew it was large, I could just sense it. Everything has it's own aura around it, I like to say that I can sense their aura. I could feel that it was proud. I know, I sound CRAZY to you but I felt that it held itself with pride. Andrew silently led me across the wooden floor to a bench. He had me sit on the bench and took my hands and placed them on top of smooth, I didn't know how to explain it, but it was like pieces of wood, they were small and there were a lot of them, with some pieces of wood sticking out in certain places. I traced these planks and was startled to hear a sound when I put pressure on one of them. He whispered in my ear and told me it was a piano, and that I could make music.
Me, make music? I was overjoyed. I couldn't help but pushing down on all the keys at the same time, expecting beautiful sounds to come echoing out from this weird thing. Laughing gently, he said that he would teach me how to play music. taking my hands and curving them he placed them on the keys. He explained to me the small concepts of playing middle c and showed me how to play a scale. He told me all of the notes and had me play them over and over again. How happy I was to finally be able to play music. Days went on, and I improved to the point where he would play a piece for me and I would imitate it over again. Months passed and I found myself surpassing Andrew in the playing of pieces. I enjoyed this little game with Andrew, but wanted to have more challenge in my playing. Thinking back to the recordings that I listened to, I remembered this sad song. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. It was such a sad and beautiful piece that I knew I had to play.
I stumbled a little but after playing it over and over again, I got the song down. I would play until my fingers got tired. It was a place where I could go and hide. A place where I could talk, laugh and play around. A place where I could be whoever I wanted, in whatever place, it was so easy to get lost. One day when I was so engrossed in my own music that I didn't hear someone come into the room. When I finished the song I heard a loud burst of clapping noise. I was scared but the familiar patter of Andrew's footsteps calmed me. Andrew was there, I knew I wouldn't be hurt. He pulled me to my feet and brought me over to a tall figure standing by the door. He told me that it was Mr. Laird, the one who brought me into the house and brought Andrew to befriend me.
I was kind of scared but felt gratified of his kindness and I hugged him. He lifted me up and swung me around, explaining that he was so proud me, learning to play the piano like that, and that he was sorry that he was not there for me during the absence. He was away for business. I silently kissed him on the cheek and whispered in my cracked voice, one that was scratchy because of months of no use, "Thank you."
Andrew squealed with delight and exclaimed that I could talk. He started dancing around and started laughing. So caught up with his enjoyment, I started to laugh along with him. This, was when I started talking once more. After that, Andrew and I talked more and more, and Mr. Laird hired a tutor to teach me how to play piano and one to teach me my studies. Eventually Andrew convinced his parents to let him take lessons with me and we grew up learning together.
We still are close now, and Andrew is still stubborn as ever. "Sheeh, Andrew ... get over it ... I'm not going and that's final!" I shouted on the phone, fiddling around with my hair. "I don't want to go to another silly function. You know how much I hate socializing!" I was really frustrated, Andrew never changes. Grrrrr.
A low voice laced with laughter sounded through the phone, "You know that they expect you to be there. You are the star of the whole thing. You also know how disappointed dad will be if you don't show up." I could just imagine him laying down on his bed and fiddling with the cord.
Rolling my eyes, I tried to explain to Andrew my reasoning to not wanting to go for the millionth time, "Andrew, you know that I don't like socializing and that I don't want to be looked at like a piece of meat, not with admiration or pity. It's bad enough that my whole world is dark and black. I don't want people to feel sorry for me."
Andrew would have none of that and he said in his strict voice, "I command You, Kealan Laid, with the authority of being your Best Friend, and Neighbor, and Manager I might add, that You, Kealan Laird, is obligated to attend this function with me. Now I'll have your tux ready by 4, it will arrive there with my butler who will make sure that you get dressed, and ready for the little gathering. No buts about it, you haven't been out of the house for more than 3 weeks now. You know that I'm always right about these things so bye bye, I'll pick you up at 6 on the dot. Be ready and see you later!~"
Ooooohhh Andrew ... There's going to be a day that you will regret doing this. Stubborn, stubborn Andrew, but it's kind of nice to have a friend who looks after me like this. Oh well, I never win. I called for my servant, Daniel and asked for the time. He replied that it was 3:30. I sighed and asked for him to prepare the bath for me.
At 4 the bell rang and Daniel brought William, Andrew's butler to me. Daniel unplugged the bath and started rinsing me off. taking the soft towel, he gently wiped me dry and started dressing me. I hated this attention, I felt like a useless child, but I could not help but have Daniel attend me. For one, it would take me hours to get dressed, and for two, Andrew would have my head if he found out that I dressed by myself. Over protective Andrew ... Daniel brought me over to a soft chair and started to do my hair.
"Daniel, did I ever tell you how much I hated all this pampering?" I asked with a touch of irritation in my voice.
I could feel the smile in his answer, "Yes sir, every time I aid you sir."
"Well good. And quit calling me sir!" I was irritated and it showed. Daniel knew me well and didn't take any offense to what I said. "So what color is the tux?" I fidgeted around my chair.
"Sir, it's slightly blue, more metallic silver with a blue tint in it. You know how much young master likes blue." I could feel Daniel rolling his eyes when he said that.
"Oh yes. Why did I even bother to ask. He's so predictable." A momentary pause. "Do you know what this function is about?"
Daniel was easing gel on my hair. "I do believe sir that it is some kind of charity banquet. I'm not sure of what though."
"Oh." Silence. Wasn't this fun.
"Kear~" I jumped at the sound of Andrew's loud voice. "Ready?" With that, he flung open the door and I could hear him running up to me. "How is it. Are you ready? Lets go. We might be late. Are you mad at me. Of course not." Andrew just kept on going and going on with his questions.
"Andrew, relax. I'm ok, by I'm not going to forgive you for this. I was on a roll of not going outside." I put on my best pout and felt Andrew's hands wrap around my shoulders.
"I know you will." He kissed the side of my cheek.
Raising my hand to wipe the area of the little peck and fake scowled. "That is so disgusting! How could you violate me so." I crossed my hands across my chest.
"A, I know better, secretly inside you desire me. Who can resist the charm of Andrew." I could imagine him doing a silly pose.
"Whatever~ You are so silly sometimes. Not to mention pompous."
"Uh, is that any way to talk to your best friend, neighbor, and manager?"
"Without me, you wouldn't be any of those 3." I laughed as he playfully hit me on the arm.
"Come on, lets go. Time's wasting." he pulled me up onto my feet and practically dragged me to the car.
When we were settled in the Rolls-Royce I turned to him and questioned, "Would you like to inform me what this event is about?"
"Oh, it's for your honor." His tone was light and airy.
"WHAT!?! Andr-" I was cut off by Andrew's voice.
"Now wait here Mr. Laird. This is a benefit party. All you have to do is show up, say a few words, and play a simple piece. A lot of celebrities are coming and paying shitloads of money to see you. The money raised here will be used to provide shelters for the homeless. More specifically, homeless children who are wandering around the streets half naked, half begging for food. The poor victims which I might add, You were one of..."
I sighed and slumped my shoulders forward. He had me there. "Yeah. I could do that. I just wished that you would have told me earlier."
I could picture him with his eyebrows raised. "You would have come if I did?"
"Well- Yes! ... no ... maybe."
"See." His voice was smug.
"Ok ... you win. I wouldn't have gone ... happy?"
I could feel the seat moving as he slightly jumped and clapped his hands. "Yup, now that you are going!"
"Hmph." I tried to act angry ... but that didn't last for long. "How do you know if I even have a piece ready to play?" I tried to think up of excuses but in my mind I knew that Andrew had already won.
"You can't get rid of me That easily. I know well that you have Rachmaninoff 2nd all nice and perfect." Placing his hand on top of mine, he said, "you should get out more. I know you don't like people to pity you. You have no social life."
"I know! Do you know how many times I've heard you say that?" I was frustrated. Andrew always bugged me to get out of the house and live a little. How the heck was I supposed to live a little when I couldn't even see.
The tone of his voice softened and he pulled me into a hug. "I only want the best for you ... I just want you to be happy. But you know that being cooped up in that house only serves to make you bitter."
"I live in a world of music. I don't need to get out. Music gives me all the love and friendship I could ever want and need. You and Mr. Laird fill up the void that is left in my heart."
"Thank you." He released me from his embrace and the ride there was silent and uneventful.
I felt the car gently come to a halt and felt the door open. The cool night air did nothing to my flustered body. It was terrifying. The public are hounds. Andrew got out first and reached for me. He brought me out and linked his arms with mine. I heard what felt like a million flashes. At least I couldn't see the flashes and be blinded. I let out a bitter laugh. I was already blind. Everything felt superficial to me. I smelt an overpowering sensation of this and that cologne. How sickening. I was led down long road. At least that was what it felt for me. Almost immediately my head started to pound. Think Rachmaninoff ... think about music. Doors opened and I was guided down another hallway. More doors were opened and Andrew gently led me up some stairs. He led me to a seat and asked me to sit down. "Where am I?" I hissed angrily while I kept a smile on my face.
"On the stage. You have to give a little speech. Then you can wait and play the piece. We have another piano player that we hired out that would play for the rest of the time. Just bear with me for a little while."
I cringed and sighed. "Ok ... just tell me when to start my speech. You have to lead me okay?"
Andrew patted my shoulder and I sat stiffly in my chair. At least it was comfortable. The loud noises of the public was buzzing all around me. It seemed as if people would talk for hours until I heard it become quiet. Finally I thought to myself.
"Ready?" Without giving me a chance to reply he pulled on my hand and led me to the podium.
I nervously clenched my hands and I raised it to try to feel the mike. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I found it. I ran my hand through my hair and bit my lip. "Well. Hi." I gave a weak smile and laugh. "I'm really not good at public speaking, I'd rather have my music speak for me. That and I don't really have a speech prepared or anything. Actually this was a last minute notice thing that Andrew told me. A conspiracy I tell you. However who am I to put down a charity concert. Andrew knew that I would do anything for homeless children – my weakness. And he used it full force on me." I paused as people laughed politely. "So I would like it if all you people out there could help out some organization of some sort. If you don't have free time, then you can at least donate money. I know I'm rich and I probably wouldn't have any heirs to my money. What's the use when I die? I'd rather have it go somewhere meaningful and somewhere I know it would be used correctly. And this is my contribution. Rachmaninoff's 2nd." I dropped the microphone and I stepped away from the podium. Almost immediately Andrew's familiar scent reached my senses.
"You did well." His low and familiar voice said to me.
"I did bad. But it's fine. At least I said what I wanted to say."
"That's all that matters." I was led to a piano bench and warmed up a little before starting. After a long moment of silence I started. The piano sounded marvelous. All I needed to do was play well. As my fingers danced across the piano as waves of happiness swept over me. It filled my heart as I envisioned myself dancing. I heard the orchestra in the background and everything was perfect. My fingers were unstoppable. The music was incredible. and I felt like a little child again. Rediscovering the joy of classical music. As soon as it started it came to an end. My dreamworld of play came crashing as I realized that there was an audience as hordes of clapping filled the theater. It made me feel kind of selfish. It felt a little like so many people came into my world and saw it. They in turn took a piece of the beauty and I felt selfish. I gave a slight gasp when I felt Andrew's hand on my shoulder.
"That, my dear friend, was fantastic."
I blushed at his words and shook my head slightly. "It wasn't my best. But I liked it." He led me down the stairs and sat me down at a table. People around me started to talk to me. I felt a slight headache start to build. Never wanting to appear uncourteous I grinned and beared it. As my responses came less frequently, the questions started to dwindle off and one by one they drifted away, they left to associate with the others, doing what they always did, make connections. I sat there and listened and ate silently. Then I felt a presence by my side. I let out a soft sigh.
Evidently it was loud enough for the other party to hear. "Can I sit here?" The stranger nervously asked.
"Of course. Feel free to."
I could feel his smile and his whole aura shone. It wasn't fake and decorated like the others. It was ... pure. I expected him to give me the million same questions that everyone had a tendency to ask, but his next words startled me. "I had hoped you played the Moonlight Sonata." What an interesting man. We talked and talked, argued, listened to each other, and we were just talking about music. It was fun and I felt myself feel at ease for the first time I was with strangers. I was having a great time when Andrew came and whispered into my ear. "We need to go now. The event is going to end soon. But I see you are having fun. I'm glad."
I tilted my head so that Andrew could see my smile, I reached up and caressed the side of his cheek. "Thank you. I had a great time." I directed my attention to my new correspondence and asked, "We've had this great conversation and it feels like I knew you forever. But the funny thing is, I don't know your name. May I have the pleasure in asking?"
"Of course! I know yours but it's really unfair of me to not tell you mine. My name is Joshua Scott Chasez."
"Joshua Scott Chasez?" I replied with a disbelief. Disbelief turned into horror. Surely, there couldn't be two people with the same exact name? Could there be? God no. Not now. Not him. That was all I could think before everything turned black.