While on my way home from the store this morning, I decided to stop by a bookstore and grab a new journal to write in. But this is not your average journal that you aggressively write down angry thoughts or stain with tears as you write down the latest information on a struggle. This journal is going to by my Little Black Book, in which I plan to write down my experiences -- past and present -- so that I can read them at the end of the year and relish in this new found sexual awakening.
A bit about me as I am now: My name is Kyle. I'm 28-years-old and work as a fitness instructor. Naturally, with that field of work, I am in pretty good shape and am 6-feet tall and 158 pounds. So I'm not thicc by any means, but I have some mass where it counts, toned arms, legs and abs. I have hazel eyes, brown, curly hair that is left un-styled most days, a very short-trimmed beard, and a moderate amount of body hair everywhere except my back. I keep that shaved. I guess you could categorize me as an otter in the Gay World.
Sexually, I am not unexperienced, but I would easily say that my number of sexual partners is much lower than the average gay guy. I lost my virginity at 16 with my highschool girlfriend; my first time having sex with a guy was at 18. Between then and now, I would say my sexual partner count is about 20, and that includes anything from making out to sex and everything in between. A large part of that is because the relationships I have been in were all long-term, monogamous relationships. During that same time, I traveled internationally for extended periods of time, twice to Russia -- which is not known to be gay-friendly. When I was home, sure, I was on Grindr and other apps, but I have always found myself to be shy when it came to actually meeting a person for casual sex. In addition to that, the experiences that I did see through ended up being less-than-ideal encounters that just turned me off from the whole idea of hooking up. So instead, I would opt to stay in, maybe even host the occasional cam show for online chat rooms. You could argue that all of that stuff would lend to conditioning a low desire for sex with others or at least being content just staying home and jerking it to porn.
Fast-forward to the present. Enter Alex, my current boyfriend of just over one year. Some background on him: He's 29-years-old, training to become a pilot. He's just a bit shorter than I, 5 foot 11 inches or so, and also on the slim side. During the time we have been together, he has embraced the little bit of body hair he has, but used to keep it trimmed. I would say he's a twink, but he often disagrees saying that he's the boy-next-door. He has dark brown hair that is almost always styled to the side until it gets too long, dark brown eyes, a shaved face and fair skin (which is probably my favorite phyiscal feature about him -- I have a thing for ivory skin).
Unlike me, he is extremely confident in his appearances and skills. He has a very active sex life, and it caught me by surprised when he told me that he had figured out, roughly, how many sexual partners he has had over the years. I think it is safe to say that that conversation started a chain reaction of conversations, mental exploration and personal growth that has led this relationship to where it is now. A little under four months ago, he expressed an interest in opening the relationship, saying he missed the adrenaline that casual sex offered and he would like to explore that sexual freedom again. It totally caught me off guard, because up until now, that is not the type of relationship I knew. Family, friends and I were always monogamous in the relationships we had with other people, and any infidelity almost always killed the relationship. After a lot of time to process, grow and reflect on myself, I agreed that the relationship could be open. After all, in the time that I have been with him, I have explored more sexual kinks, fantasies, interests, and conversations than I have with any of my past partners. It is exciting. I now find myself horny all the time. As a 28-year-old man, I can say that I don't want to have sex with only one person for the rest of my life, and I know Alex does not either. So why not embrace the relationship we have? One in which we are both so confident in the other that we can openly share our sexual experiences within and outside of the relationship without it jeopardizing anything. On a personal level, I'm excited to see what it is like to allow myself to indulge in the different pleasures that sex with others offers. I have felt a shift within me that I have connected to a Sexual Awakening -- one that I am excited to explore alone, and also with Alex. And the idea of writing about them for future trips down memory lane only makes me more excited. So here is my Little Black Book.