Warning: This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are offended by this in any way then don't read it. This is only for fun, and not meant for anything else.
My Secret Love By D. Laws
Part three
It had been a long week, and a painful week of slow recovery but I was glad my brother was there visiting, though he did tell me he had to leave soon which I dread. During the week, Lauri and John were there visiting me together so I never was really alone with Lauri, which in a way I guess I was glad. I wasn't sure what to say to her anyway. Our kiss, and the argument we had before the accident wasn't brought up and I didn't want to relive that anyway. I did wonder why she had been there at the hospital with me. It was nice of her to be there, but I felt awkward and wondered why, especially after all that she had said to me on that day.
I don't blame her for the accident, though I do think she feels guilty. I know it was my own careless actions for that, but I know in some way she does feel responsible. I can tell by her actions around me now. She's so nice, and helpful and all, and almost too civil or like she's trying to watch what she says around me. She's definitely avoiding what happened between us before the accident, but I'm not complaining, I definitely don't want to deal with that right now. But why is she here? She probably does feel responsible in some way.
Maybe that is why she's been here visiting with me at the hospital and has been so helpful in taking care of me and all. She just feels obligated in some way and feels she owes me. I don't know, but I'm glad my brother has been here. I'm not sure if I feel ready to face her and be alone with her yet anyway. It's been great this past week though seeing her but I'm afraid of what's to come. I don't want her sympathies or be her obligation. I'd rather she left if that is all this is. Memories of our argument tell me otherwise that this is nothing more to her. Oh well, this accident is a well learnt lesson for me. Never get involved with your instructor. Yeah, okay, easier said, and a bit too late for me.
Hmmm...I wondered, I'm sure I'll be leaving soon. The doctor did say I was recuperating pretty fast and could go home soon. Damn, it's going to be tough with this broken leg and cracked ribs to move around. Well I guess I could hire an at-home aide, but being a student is going to be tough to afford that...oh well will see what happens I guess. And insurance, I don't even want to think of that. Though I did think John said something about that and not to worry. And then there's school, how am I going to graduate now? I have enough with lecture credits, but clinical, damn...what am I going to do about that?
Just then Lauri and John walked in the room. John walked over to the bed.
"Hi sis, how are you feeling today?"
"Much better, thanks. In fact the doctor was saying earlier that
maybe I could go home soon."
"Ah..yeah...that's what I want to talk to you about sis." John
hesistated. "Well Lauri and I were talking, and we were talking
about how you were going to take care of yourself."
I interrupted John. "Well, I've been thinking of that too John, and
I could just hire an aide to help me for a few hours a day.
Besides how hard will it be. I'm doing pretty good now and
I need to get back to school as soon as I can anyway."
"Hold on a minute there Samantha." John said. "Your definitely
not going back to school anytime soon and you need help for more
than a few hours a day sis than an aide could give you. Samantha
you can't push yourself too hard, you can't tear any of your
stiches, especially internally. Sis you have to allow your body
alot of time to recover. You can't take the chance of tearing
your stiches and end back up in the hospital with internal
bleeding. Come on, you know I'm right?"
"John, you don't realize. If I don't get back to school soon
I'm out. I can't graduate cause I won't have the required
clinical time. I have to get back to school!"
Lauri spoke up then. "Samantha, your brother is right. As far
as school Samantha, well I think your health is more important.
Samantha I know how much school means to you, but I'm sure
something can be worked out. Your body was put through hell
so to speak and a couple of weeks isn't going to do it."
"Listen to Lauri," John said. "Look darling please listen to
us. You almost died honey. Please let your body recover and
let us help you. That is what Lauri and I were discussing.
I have to leave tomorrow sis back to Japan. And Lauri
was saying that you could stay at her place to recover.
I know you don't like asking for help, or feeling obligated to
anyone sis, that is why I asked her for you. Please
don't be mad at me sis. Please, you need the help and you can't
afford a full-time nurse either. Lauri's offering, so please
take her up on that offer Samantha. Please, look at you. Have
you seen yourself in the mirror? I'm not saying that to sound
mean sis but look at yourself. You look like death. You need
the help. Don't be stubborn, okay? You know I'll have to kick you
in the butt if you don't." John said smiling.
I looked at John and frowned and let out a groan. "You know John
your a real pain in the ass sometimes." I looked over at Lauri.
"Lauri, I don't know. I can't pay you and John's right I don't
want to feel obligated to you nor anyone. I hate this! Lauri,
I don't want to be a bother. It's just too much."
"Samantha, please, it really wouldn't be a bother and I want to
do this for you. Please, I won't take no for an answer."
"Lauri, I don't want to get into this with you, but I don't want
to be your obligation either. "
Lauri turned to John. "John, can you excuse us for a minute."
"Sure, I'll go get some coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes."
John said as he walked out the door.
Lauri turned back to Samantha.
"Samantha, I'm not doing this because I feel obligated to you.
Yes at first I did feel a bit guilty because of the accident, and
all that I had said to you that day.
And maybe I still do feel a little responsible for that but I'm
doing this not out of obligation but because I want to do this for
you, okay? You need the help Samantha, and I want to help you, so
stop being so damn stubborn and let someone help you for once in
your life!" Lauri came closer and and her features softened, as she
held my hand and looked at me.
"Samantha, I hope you know that I am truly sorry for what I
said that day. I really don't want to get into all of it here
but I hope you'll give me the chance to explain it to you when
we get home to my place. Please, Samantha, let me help you?
Let me do this for you?" She said softly.
I looked at her. She seemed so sincere, but still I felt weary.
But even so I would let her do this for me, it's not like I had
much of a choice anyway.
"Yes, Lauri, okay. I'll let you do this for me. But as soon as
I'm up and able to take care of myself I'm out of your house.
Besides, with your husband and kids around, I really don't want
to impose any more of your time."
Lauri looked puzzled. "Samantha, I don't expect my husband back
anytime soon, and besides I really don't care what he thinks.
And my kids stay at their grandparents during the
summer so please don't feel you'll be a bother or have to leave
because of them. My kids won't be back till the end of the
summer anyway, and as far as my husband...I don't know. I really
don't want to get into that."
"Then it's settled I guess. I'm coming home with you." I said
smiling, but wondered quietly what the hell I was getting myself
into. This was turning out to be a very interesting set of
circumstances.
John walked in with a cup of coffee in his hand. "So is it safe to come in now?" he said. I gave him a smirk. "So sis have you decided what your going to do?"
"Yes, John. Your such a nag. It's not like you guys gave me much
of a choice now, did you?"
"Well I'm glad sis cause it makes me feel more at ease going back
to work and not having to worry about you."
The rest of the afternoon we chatted and talked about old times before my brother had to leave. It was hard having to say goodbye to him but I was glad he had been there for me. We hugged and cried a tearful goodbye and then he had to go. He hugged Lauri as well before he left and thanked her and then he left. I sniffled and wiped my tears away as I waved goodbye.
Later that evening, the doctor came in and gave me the go ahead that I could go home the next day if I could find help for a few weeks. I assured him that I would be staying at Lauri's to recover. Lauri had left soon after my brother had gone so I was now alone. I felt a little lonely with my brother gone and a little nervous about tomorrow but I was glad that I would finally be getting out of this hospital. I had been there a few weeks now, though it had gone really fast with my brother and Lauri there visiting, but I was glad to finally get out of there. I rolled on my side and finally drifted off to sleep wondering about what tomorrow would bring.
So here we are which brings us now to the next day. I'm sitting here waiting for Lauri to arrive. I'm not too sure if I'm ready for this though. Lauri will be here shortly to pick me up. Lauri went by my apartment earlier to grab some of my clothes for me and said she would get her house ready for me. So I'm just waiting for her to arrive now.
The nurse helped me dress and get my things together or what's left of my things after the accident so I'm just waiting here. The waiting is driving me crazy. I don't know why, I shouldn't be that anxious to get out of here, cause then I'll be alone with Lauri but I guess it's inevitable now. I wonder what's taking her so long. It's been a couple of hours now since I gave her my apartment keys to get my things.
Just as I was thinking that, Lauri walked through the door with a bag of things. "Hi, Samantha, I thought you would like some fresh clothes to go home in. If you want to get changed that is, but it's up to you. But I brought some of your clothes back with me in case you did."
"It's alright Lauri, I can just wear these things to your house for
now, besides when I get there I'll probably change into some sweats
so it's not too constricting on my stomach here with the bandages
and all. "
"That's fine, Samantha. So are you ready to go then?"
"Yeah, we just need the doctors signature to release me and then
we can go. The nurse told me to just page her when you arrived
and she would get the doctor."
So we sat and waited in silence for the doctor, not knowing whatelse to say to each other. The silence was deafening. So when is the damn doctor going to get here I thought. Hmmm...what can I say to her to break the silence?
"Hi, Samantha, are you ready to go home?" the doctor said as he
walked through the door that minute.
"Umm...well it won't be my home," I said while turning and looking at
Lauri, "but yep I"m glad to get out of here." I said smiling.
"Well, I'm glad, young lady. Now the nurse went over the
instructions with you of how to take care of your stiches, and so
your set to go than if you feel comfortable with that." I nodded
in agreement. "Try to take it easy for the next few weeks, okay?
And we'll set up an appointment for you soon to let you know
when you can get that cast off. So with that you are free to
go," he said while signing the release forms.
"Thanks, Dr. Sou. Thanks for everything." I said as he helped me
into the wheelchair. He handed me my crutches to carry.
"No problem Samantha, I'm just glad this has an happy ending and
your still with us. You take care of yourself." He said as he
walked out the door.
I looked at Lauri. "So I guess we can go now."
"Yep, we sure can." Lauri said as she pushed me out the door and
down the corridor. I must admit I was glad to get out of there.
Lauri pushed me outside, and I waited with the nurse so she could drive her car up. So she went and got her car while I waited. She drove up a few minutes later, got out and walked around her car to open the door for me. The nurse and Lauri helped me into the car. We thanked the nurse. And then Lauri ran around her car and jumped in.
"So are you ready to go?" She said turning to me.
"Sure am, let's get out of here." I said as I looked back out the window as Lauri started her car and we began on our way to her house.
Lauri's house wasn't that far from the school or hospital. Soon we were pulling into her drive way. Her house was a cute white home bordered with red brick. It looked pretty spacious from the outside.
"Well, we're here." Lauri said. She got out of her car and came around the other side to help me out. "Here lean on my arm." Lauri said as she helped me step out. I grabbed my crutches and we walked to the front door. Lauri unlocked the door and held it open for me as I went in.
I waited for her to come in as I eyed the living room and house. I was surprised to see how antique looking it was. I wasn't expecting to see her house like that with kids I suppose. But it was really nice and quaint. It gave you that homey feeling. All cabinets were oak or some type of wood, even in the kitchen it was cabin looking. Lauri gave me a quick tour of the house. The basement was the laundry and reck room with a pool table I guess for her husband. Upstairs were the bedrooms and bathroom. It was only a two bedroom house so I was wondering where I was sleeping.
The kids room had two bunk beds so I didn't think I would be in there. So maybe I would be on the couch cause she did say her couch pulled out into a sofabed. But Lauri didn't say anything.
She helped me up the stairs and after the tour of upstairs and showing me where the towels were, and bathroom and such, she took me into the master bedroom. It was a kingsize bed as well with beautiful antique wood framing around the bed. She had a huge walk-in closet so it definitely was really spacious. She placed my things down on one side of the bed. I stood there wondering why we were in her bedroom.
"Samantha I put your things over here, that way it's easier for you
to get to the bathroom and move around."
"Am I going to be in here Lauri?"
"Of course, Samantha. I won't have you sleeping on the couch. I
don't mind sleeping on the couch anyway, it's pretty comfortable."
"Your going to sleep on the couch? Really, Lauri, please this is
your home, you shouldn't be the one sleeping on the couch. I really
don't mind. Let me sleep on the couch."
So Lauri and I went back and forth arguing about who would sleep where. Finally I blurted out, "Well, we can't seem to agree on this can we? How bout, if you don't mind, and I don't mind, well if you don't feel uncomfortable that is, we can both just sleep on the bed. It's pretty big and I promise I won't bite." I said smiling.
Lauri looked a little nervous, but then she agreed. "Okay Samantha, I guess we can try it this way. But I must warn you I snore, and I sleep on the right side of the bed."
"That's fine. It's your bed, you get first pick. And as far as
the snoring, well, don't worry, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper anyway.
I lied, I was really a light sleeper but I didn't want her to
feel bad."
I smiled at Lauri. "So I guess that's settled?"
"Yes it is," Lauri said. "So are you hungry?"
"Um...yeah a little, but please don't bother."
"Samantha, I brought you back here to help you. Your in no
condition to be moving around that much so let me just do these
things for you...okay?"
"Okay," I said quietly feeling a little uncomfortable.
"So, how bout you get changed into your sweats or something less
constricting, and I'll get some lunch started."
"Okay, that sounds good Lauri."
"Do you need help getting changed?"
"Um...no, thanks, its okay. I think I can do that much for
myself."
"Okay, but if it gets too difficult just holler. Oh yeah, the
remote is on the bed stand there, so just feel free to climb
into bed and watch some tv, relax, while I get you and I some
lunch. By the way, is BLT's for lunch okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine Lauri. Thanks." I said feeling a little
uncomfortable being in her home, but maybe I would feel more at
ease as time went on. And she did make me feel really welcomed in
her home.
Well trying to get into my sweats and t-shirt was a little more difficult than I had thought. Each time I raised my arms above my head and tried to maneuver my shirt on I would pull on my stiches on my side, so it wasn't going too good. The pain was a little bit too much. I put my sweats on and tried again. "Damn," I yelled out getting frustrated.
Lauri must of heard me cause within seconds she was at the door asking me if everything was okay. "Yeah, I'm fine Lauri. Just having trouble getting my t-shirt on." I said a bit embarrassed. "Every time I raise my arm to get the t-shirt over my head I pull on my stiches. I guess I'm not suppose to raise my arms yet." I said smiling. "This is so frustrating, a stupid simple task like this shouldn't be so damn difficult!" I threw the t-shirt on the bed. I realized Lauri was standing there watching me and I was only in my bra. I suddenly felt a bit shy and nervous.
"Here," Lauri said as she walked over to me. "Let me help you." Lauri picked up my t-shirt and put the t-shirt over my head and helped me raise my arms into the arm sleeves. I felt like a kid with their mom dressing them, it was very unnerving cause the woman of my fantasies was the one helping me get dressed.
"Thanks, Lauri. I'm sorry." I looked down feeling like I was a burden.
"Samantha please don't feel sorry. I know your not totally
recovered yet. If you need help with things, please just tell me,
okay? I know you might feel a bit embarrassed, but please don't
feel that way. I want you to feel comfortable around me. Please
don't feel that your a burden either, cause your not. I brought
you back here to my place so I could help you."
"Thanks, Lauri. I really do appreciate all that your doing for me.
I really don't know how I can repay you."
"Don't worry about it Samantha. You have nothing to repay me for, so
don't even think that way. Just get better. Anyway, I hope
we've got that settled, so now how about some lunch? It'll be done
in a few minutes so you get into bed there, watch some tv, and
I'll be back soon."
Lauri rushed off again down the stairs before I even had a chance to say thank you again. It seemed like all I was saying was thank you to her lately. I gathered a couple of pillows and gently seated myself behind them on the bed and turned the tv on. Not much was on, and I wasn't use to being home during the week watching tv.
Usually this time of day I was still at school. I knew Lauri would be going back to work the next day as well. I was starting to miss school, and I knew I had really blown my chances. It had been a couple of weeks I had missed so far, and I knew there was no way I could get all of my clinical requirements in before graduation now. It saddened me, but I figured maybe something could be worked out. But I didn't know yet what that was.
I continued to flip through the channels, nothing took my interest. I was starting to get a bit bored and restless. I was use to being up and moving around. Lauri came up the stairs and asked if I was ready for lunch. She came in with a lap tray. I was surprised cause I thought we would be eating down stairs.
"Lauri, I can't eat on this beautiful bed. Why don't you help me
down the stairs and we can eat down there."
"Well, if you don't mind going up and down the stairs then. I just
thought you would like to rest up here without me bothering you
that much."
"No, it's fine. I'm really not that tired and I think the more I
can try and be active the quicker I can get my body in shape and
the sooner I can get out of your hands." I smiled at Lauri.
"Well, let me help you then." Lauri said as she took my arm in her
hand and I had my crutch under my other arm. We slowly made our
way down the stairs.
Lauri directed me to the dining room table and we both sat down. "What would you like to drink? Coke, water, juice, anything you like in particular or I could always buy something that you prefer as well?"
"Well, coke is fine. I probably drink too much of that anyway."
"That's what I normally drink too much of as well." Lauri said smiling as she handed me the coke.
It felt strange at first sitting across from her in her house eating but it also felt nice being so close to her. I was a little nervous about being there but as the day went on she really started to make me feel more at ease and comfortable around her. I soon wondered when we would actually talk about everything that had happened between us, but I didn't want to bring any of it up unless she did, so for now I just enjoyed whatever time I could have with her.
"This is really good Lauri."
"Yeah, okay Samantha. Come on it's not that hard to make a BLT." She
said jokingly at me.
"Well I do appreciate this so much, I hope you know that."
"I do Samantha, and you don't have to keep telling me thank you.
I want you to feel comfortable here the next few weeks or however
long you need to stay here, but I want you to feel at home...okay?"
"Well, I will try Lauri, but to be honest with you I am a little
nervous and all being here."
"Yes, I gathered you were a bit. I know there's alot yet that
needs to be talked about." Lauri paused a little. "but if you
don't want to, we don't have to. I didn't mention anything yet
cause I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable and figured
when you were ready you would mention something.
But as I said, if your not ready or just don't want to talk about
anything that happened the past few weeks we don't have to.
Samantha, I do want you to know that I am sorry for what I said
that day to you. I do feel responsible for your accident in some
way."
I interrupted Lauri there. "Please, Lauri, you have nothing to feel responsible about. I'm the one who drove careless and just wasn't paying attention."
"Well yes, but Samantha you were obviously upset and I caused that."
"Yes, Lauri, I was upset but you had nothing to do with the
accident. What you said to me was right. It shouldn't have
happened. It was wrong. Your my instructor, well, you were, now
I'm not too sure about school anymore. But anyway what you said
you shouldn't apologize for, you shouldn't apologize for telling
me the truth."
"Well, that's it Samantha. I wasn't telling you the truth. I
was scared, and I wasn't admitting my feelings. I didn't
quite know how to handle it all, and I'm afraid I didn't handle
it too well. I still don't know how to handle this very well."
Lauri said under her breath. She was starting to feel a little
nervous and wasn't really prepared to get into this conversation
at the dinner table but when Samantha had initiated the conversation
it just started. Lauri paused for a few moments.
"Lauri, you don't have to say anything if you feel uncomfortable, or
if your not ready."
"No, that's not it Samantha. I'm actually a little nervous to tell
you the truth to be around you as well, and this conversation has
just brought up some feelings in me, but I do want to have this
conversation with you and tell you how I feel. Can we go sit on
the couch and talk about this?"
"Sure, wherever you feel comfortable Lauri."
Lauri cleared the dishes off the table and helped me to the couch. We both sat down and sat in silence for a few minutes. Lauri was way over on the other side of the couch. She couldn't get any further away. It was definitely very awkward for the both of us. We sat there not eyeing each other. Finally we both looked at each other at the same time and started to laugh out loud.
"You know Lauri you don't have to sit so far away. I won't bite
or anything." I smiled at her. "I'm nervous too Lauri, but I hope
you know that it's alright whatever you have say to me. Everything I
said to you that day I meant from my heart. I did have feelings for
you...Um...well I still do. That kiss did mean alot to me. But I
hope you know that I do understand if you don't feel the same. You
don't have to say anything that you feel forced in saying just
because I may feel a certain way. I really do understand. Believe
me, after all of this Lauri, I think I have come to understand quite
a bit more than I have liked. Almost losing my life, well, let's
say it really puts alot of things in perspective. Lauri, I know
your married, you have kids, I know your having problems with your
husband, and I know how confusing and maybe vulnerable you were
feeling that oneday so I do understand. I just don't want you to
feel that you have to say anything to me." I paused and continued
to talk but Lauri interrupted me.
"So Samantha, can I get a word in here sometime." She smiled at me
and we both started to laugh again. It felt really nice laughing
with her. I could feel my heart and my feelings begin to open
up to her again. Secretly I was hoping she would tell me that she
felt the same towards me, but in the back of my mind I was still a
little weary of everything that had happened and been said, and I
didn't want to hope for too much.