My Secret Love

MY SECRET LOVE By D. Laws

Warning: This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are offended by this in any way then don't read it. This is only for fun, and not meant for anything else.

Part Six

I heard the alarm at 5am that morning, moaned slightly to myself from the interruption of my sleep. A slight hang over from the alcohol the previous night ripped through my head. I rolled over placing the pillow over my head as I heard Lauri ruffling around the room getting her things ready for her day back at work.

I again moaned and moved the pillow back under my head. It was way too early in the morning for this, especially after the events of the night before with Lauri and I, and the alcohol that had been consumed. I wasn't use to drinking much to begin with, and being in recovery from my injuries didn't help much and I guess it didn't take much for the alcohol to have it's affects on my body. I peeled open my eyes and looked at Lauri as she got dressed and ready.

"How are you feeling this morning Lauri?" I said with a croak in my voice. I cleared my throat a little.

"Actually not too bad Samantha. The question is.." She said as she looked over at me while dressing, "..how are you feeling Samantha?"

"I have a little hang over, and besides the fact that it's 5am in

the morning, I guess I'm fine." I said smiling.

"Are you going to be okay today while I'm at work Samantha?"

"Yeah, I should be fine. Don't worry about me. Give me a couple

more hours of sleep and I'll be okay."

"Well I'll come home at noon to get lunch for the both of us, and if

you need help with anything, just call over to the clinic and I'll

come right back if there is a problem."

"I'm sure things will be fine Lauri. I'm moving around alot better

now, and before long I'll be out of your hands."

Lauri just gave me a look with that remark. "Samantha, listen, about last

night...I wanted to.."

"Lauri, please, what was said was said. There's no need to explain

anything more on it. And right now I'm a bit too tired and hung

over to really think too clearly anyway. So anyway how bout we just

focus on me recovering and I'll be out of your hands before long and

you can focus on reconciliating with your husband."

"Samantha..." Lauri paused and was about to say something and decided against it. Lauri finished getting ready and turned to leave the room, than turned back looking over at Samantha.

"Samantha, I'm going down for some coffee, do you want me to bring

you up any before I leave for work? I'll leave some muffins down

stairs on the counter for you as well."

"No, that's alright. Thanks though. I just want to sleep a little

right now. You have a good day at work and I'll see you at lunch

then." I rolled over turning my back to Lauri after I said that.

Lauri looked back at me before going down the stairs. "Okay, Samantha, you

have a good day as well and I'll see you later."

"Bye" I said muffled as I pressed my face into the pillow holding in my tears. I didn't know how to be so polite and civil especially after the previous night. I still was a little hurt and angered over all that had happened. And a little sad over realizing that Lauri and I would never be.

After last night just made me realize that Lauri belonged with her husband. I know she cared for me but she was too confused and I just couldn't be on this roller coaster of hers anymore. I would be there for her as a friend, but I knew I had to be careful with my own feelings for her and not cross that line again. I don't deny that I love her, cause I do, but things are just too complicated and too emotionally risky on both our parts to let this continue on beyond friendship. It just can never be, I thought to myself.

I laid there in my thoughts that morning going back and forth with things in my mind as I drifted off and on again as sleep over took me. Thoughts of my recovery I hoped would be quick so I could be out of there as soon as I could. I just didn't know how much longer I could maintain this false front of just being friends with her before my feelings would betray me again.

I barely remember hearing Lauri leave the house as I drifted to and from sleep. I looked at the clock, it was almost noon. "shit" I said to myself as I scrambled out of bed and got dressed and ready before Lauri got back. I made my way quickly to the bathroom and washed myself up as good as I could in the sink since I still wasn't able to have a shower yet because of my cast. Soon after, I heard someone come in the front door.

"Samantha, you up?" Lauri yelled up the stairs.

I came around the corner and walked slowly down the stairs with one of my crutches. I had been getting pretty good at walking now with just one of them. It wouldn't be long now before I could go in for my check up.

"Hi, Lauri. Yep, I'm up. But just barely. I overslept a bit.

I guess with some of the alcohol consumed last night affected me

more than I had realized." I said coming down the stairs.

"Actually I'm surprised your feeling okay since you drank more than

me last night."

Lauri smiled at me as she helped me over to the couch. "Well I had

a little of a headache this morning but other than being a little

tired myself, I feel pretty good."

"So Lauri, how did clinic go today? I bet it feels a bit weird

getting back into the work scene again having the past week or so

off."

"It went real well so far this morning Samantha, though I do have to

head back there in an hour. So how have you been doing? Will you

be okay here again this afternoon by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine Lauri. I hope you know how much I do appreciate

you helping me these past few weeks, not only at the hospital but

the last few days here and all. I don't know how I could have ever

done any of it by myself."

"Well, I'm more than happy to have helped Samantha. Besides, it

has given me a chance to get to know you better and to have found

a wonderful friend in you."

"Friend?", I thought to myself. "It seems that you are forgetting

a few minor things Lauri that has happened." I shook those

thoughts from my mind.

"Yes, Lauri, you are a good friend." I turned smiling at her as I

squeezed her hand for emphasis.

Lauri cleared her throat and pulled her hand away a little nervous.

"So Samantha, what do you feel like for lunch?"

"Well since you have to get back to work soon, don't worry about

anything really, okay?"

Lauri walked over to the phone and started to dial a number. "What type of

pizza do you like?" She said as she looked over at Samantha.

"Any kind Lauri, whatever you like will be fine with me."

So Lauri ordered a pizza, and came back to the couch as we chatted on general things of the day while we waited for the pizza to arrive. We definitely avoided any subject on the previous nights events. But I was glad for that. I guess she wants to be friends, I thought to myself, and maybe it's best that way anyway.

The pizza had arrived and we ate quickly as Lauri had to get back to work. After eating Lauri cleared the table of our pizza mess, and came back to the couch.

"Well I better get back to the clinic, are you sure you'll be okay

here for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Lauri, it's only for a few more hours and believe me I think I can

manage." I said smiling. "Besides I'm feeling so much better

lately that I'll be out of your hands in no time at all."

"Well okay Samantha, but call me if there is any problems. I took

out a roast for dinner tonight to thaw out for us, that is, if that's

alright with you?"

"Lauri, that's fine. I wish you didn't feel the need to cook and do

so much for me. One of these days I'll have to cook for you."

"It's really not a bother Samantha. In fact I have really liked

having you around to do things for. I think I'll miss you when you

leave. I'm getting use to having you around, you know."

I smiled at her.

"That's really nice to say Lauri. I think I'll miss being

here as well, but I suppose we have our life's to get back to here

eventually and you to yours and your family as well."

I paused and cleared my throat. It was getting a bit too stuffy and too close for comfort there that I had to end that conversation quickly before I ended opening up too much of my feelings again. I moved away slightly but Lauri moved a little closer and leaned in closer to me and held my hand.

"Samantha," Lauri paused a little and reached her hand up and

caressed my face. She looked so lovingly into my eyes that it

pierced my heart and my soul.

"I hope you know how much I care about you and have grown to love

about you." Lauri leaned closer and kissed me slightly on my lips.

I grew very nervous and red flags immediately went up in me. This is not going to happen to me again, I had thought. I can't get hurt again. I pulled away abruptly from her gentle kiss.

"Umm...Lauri," I gathered my bearings for a second there from what

had just happened. "so umm..well I suppose you better get to work

before your late." I said smiling, acting as nothing had just

happened though my actions were very jittery and nervous.

Lauri seemed a little hurt by my pulling away but slowly got up to leave.

"Your right, I better get moving here, I don't want to be late as

you said." Lauri seemed a little lost for words and felt a little

awkward. "Well, I'll umm see you in a few hours then."

Lauri grabbed her purse and headed out the door. I sat there and said goodbye, as she finally left I took a deep inhale like I had been holding my breath the entire time in fear of what she would say or do, but she didn't say anything and left. Well that went smoothly, didn't it Samantha. I shook my head in unbelief. What the hell is she thinking? After all the shit that has gone on with her and I with this, I mean, what is she thinking?

Just then the phone rang. I didn't know whether to answer it or not, so I let Lauri's machine answer.

"Hi, this is Dr. Sou calling for a Samantha Pearson, if you can

have her call me back.."

I got up quickly and hurried over to the phone as quickly as I could before he hung up. I answered the phone out of breath.

"Hi, Dr. Sou. This is Samantha speaking."

"Hi, Samantha. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing really well Dr. Sou. In fact, I was thinking about

calling you this week to ask when I could set up an appointment."

"Well, whenever you feel up to it, come in, and we'll check your

cast out and see how that has healed up enough to have it removed

or not. What about your ribs, and the stiches, how are you

feeling with that?"

"Actually, my ribs feel really good. A little tightness still, but

other than that I hardly notice any discomfort. My stiches look

great, and almost dissolved, and my bruises are hardly evident

anymore, I'm glad to say."

"Well that is great news Samantha. Well if you feel up to it how

bout we schedule you an appointment the beginning of next week

sometime."

"Okay, that sounds good to me. Do you have an opening on monday?"

"Yes, early that morning around 10am. Is that good for you?"

"That's great Dr. Sou. Okay. I'll see you then. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Samatha." Dr. Sou said as I hung the receiver up.

I smiled to myself. Finally I can get this damn cast off and have a real bath. Oh..my car. I'll need some transportation. I walked back over to the phone. My brother John had my car sitting at the auto shop all this time and I had totally forgot to call them when I first got out of the hospital to ask about the car. I picked the receiver up after searching the phone book for the number.

"Hi, this is Samantha Pearson calling. A John Pearson had you

guys fix up my car about a month ago I would say, actually longer

than that, but anyway I was calling about my car and when it will

be ready to have picked up."

"Um...let's see here. Okay, I see your name in our book here.

Yep, John Pearson had your car towed here couple of months

ago. Its been repaired and sitting on our lot now the past few

weeks ready to go. So whenever your ready for it, just stop on

by and we have the keys for you."

"Would monday afternoon be okay."

"Yeah, that will be fine."

"What about charges?"

"They've all been taken care of by John. So there's no extra

costs."

"Okay, thank you. I'll come by on monday. "

I hung up the phone. Wow, John sure takes care of me, I'll have to make sure to thank him next time I call him. Well the car is taken care of, my doctor's appointment taken care of, now only if the rest of my life(personal life) would go as smoothly.

I wasn't sure if I would tell Lauri just yet about my doctor's visit. So I'll just wait on that. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly. I basically relaxed in front of the tv but soon got bored. Well maybe I can get started on some supper for Lauri and me, I thought to myself.

I went to the refridgerator and found some corn, carrots, and beans and pulled them out of the freezer and fridge. I found the potatoes and peeled a couple of them. While doing that I had the roast broiling a little first in the oven sauteed with some onions before baking it. I spent the rest of the afteroon preparing dinner. I found some flour and started on my homemade gravy. It was almost 430pm so Lauri would be home soon, so I put in the vegetables and basted them with the roast. I poured a little of the roast's juices into my gravy to give it that extra flavor.

Earlier I had found a cake mix and made a cake and icing. I dipped my finger into the icing...hmmm...that is going to be good. Well it all was done, just needed another hour and it would be done. I rushed into the bathroom and cleaned myself up a little and changed clothes before Lauri would get home. I went back to the couch and relaxed for a few minutes before I had heard Lauri coming in the front door.

The smell of the roast filled the whole house for as soon as Lauri walked in she made a comment at house great it smelled.

"Mmmm...Samantha, what have you done? That smells wonderful.

You shouldn't have. Your not hundred percent yet, and you should

have let me cook for you. But I must say the roast smells great."

Lauri walked in and put her things down and walked over and sat down next to me.

"So is there anything left I can do to help with dinner, or have you

done it all already?" Lauri said smiling.

"Nope, its all done, about an hour and it will be ready. So you just

go get changed and relax before dinner."

"Samantha you shouldn't have. Here I am the one who is suppose to

be taking care of you."

"Well I wanted to. You've been taking care of me and have been there

for me the past few weeks so I wanted to do something for you.

Besides I was bored with the tv and wanted to keep busy, and it

helped to keep me busy with that."

"Well thank you Samantha for doing this. It's actually nice to come

home to a cooked meal. I'm so use to being the one to cook all

the time."

I smiled at Lauri and grabbed her hand. "Well, as long as I am staying here

and am able enough, you don't have to be the one to cook all the time.

Besides I like to cook when I can. I hope you like my cooking

anyway, maybe after you taste it you won't want me to be the cook

anymore." I said jokingly.

"I'm sure it will be great Samatha. If it tastes anything like it

smells then I'm sure it will be fine."

"Well why don't you go get changed and dinner should be ready then

soon."

"Okay, I'll be right back. You relax now Samantha and let me take

care of the rest. I'll get the table set and all, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good to me."

"I'll be right back." Lauri said as she went up the stairs to

change.

Lauri came down a few moments later in sweats and a t-shirt but looked really nice and casual at the same time. It was nearing 530pm and the dinner was ready. Lauri and I had been talking about how work and clinic had gone that day for her when the oven's buzzer went off.

Lauri got the roast out and placed it on the dinner table along with the rest of the food, and gravy as we both sat down and dished up our plates.

We both began digging in. "Mmmm...this is wonderful Samantha, how come you

never told me you were such a great cook? And this gravy is really

great. Did you make this yourself?"

"Yep, everything is made from scratch, even my homemade gravy."

"Well your going to have to give me your recipe." Lauri said as

she continued to eat.

We both polished off our plates along with seconds.

"Well I am totally satisfied." Lauri said.

"Well we're not done yet."

"What do you mean we're not done yet?"

"Look over there behind the counter there. I cooked us a cake for

dessert."

"Oh Samantha, you shouldn't have. You know your very bad for my

diet here." She said smiling.

Lauri brought the cake over to the table.

"I'm not sure if I can fit anything more in this stomach of mine,

but that cake looks so good that I'll have to try a small piece of

it."

Lauri cut a small piece for the both of us and handed me a slice of cake. We both finished off our slices and decided to retire to the couch to relax after that huge meal. Lauri cleared the table and then joined me on the couch.

"Thank you Samantha for that lovely meal. That was really nice of

you to do that. And you can cook for me anytime." She said smiling

at me.

"I'm glad you liked it Lauri. I enjoyed cooking dinner for you."

"Well I enjoyed it too, but don't be burning yourself out here,

remember your still recovering here."

"Don't worry so much Lauri. My body is healing up very nicely, and

see here." I pointed to my stiches and bruises on my abdomen.

"See there, the bruises are hardly evident anymore."

"Yeah, I guess they are Samantha." Lauri said softly.

Lauri sat there in her thoughts. Soon Samantha would be healed up and out of there. She didn't know what to feel about that. She thought she should feel glad, that way she could get back to her life with her kids and trying to reconcile with her husband, but on the other hand she felt a twinge of pain and heart palpations thinking of Samantha leaving.

"Lauri...Lauri" I said a few more times.

Lauri had drifted off in her thoughts and hadn't heard me call her the first time.

"Hmm...what were you saying Samantha." Lauri turned to face me on

the couch. "I'm sorry I guess I was in my thoughts there."

"I was just asking if you wanted to put a movie in. Lauri are you

okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine Samantha. Just been a long day and tired

a bit I guess. And with that great dinner of yours has totally

relaxed me. Anyway, a movie would be great. Any particular one

you want to put in. Not like I have a million to choose from." Lauri

said jokingly pointing to the few hundred she had displayed in her

entertainment center.

"How bout that one." I pointed to the movie called "Up close and

Personal"

"Umm...sure Samantha that one would be fine." Lauri thought to

herself, yeah that's what we need a romantic movie. Lauri put the

movie into the vcr and leaned back on the couch.

We turned all the lights off, and both relaxed into the couch as the movie started. It was dark outside by now so the only light illuminating the room was the tv screen. Lauri had a big screen tv, that combined with the stereo sound and lights off would have made it to be a wonderful romantic evening if it wasn't for us only being friends that is.

Half way through the movie I felt my eyes fighting to stay open as I found myself so dangerously close to Lauri leaning into her. I snapped myself awake and straightened up again.

"Samantha you can lean into me if you want, if it would be more

comfortable for you. Here, rest your head on my shoulder."

I wasn't going to argue with her, with the lights off and the effects of the room had on me made me want to relax into her, so I decided for tonight I would put my guard down, and I moved a little closer and adjusted myself leaning into her shoulder. I rested my head into her chest as I felt her arms casually wrap around me, holding me closer to her. I must admit it felt really comforting and nice to feel her close to me like that.

We both adjusted our bodies closer and into each other in silence as not to ruin this moment between us, and then we watched the rest of the movie cuddled in each other's arms. I soon found sleep upon me as we both drifted off to sleep on the couch.

I don't know how much time had gone by, but I felt Lauri move a little.

"Samantha, Samantha." I heard Lauri whisper in my ear. "Come on

sweetie I think we should go up stairs."

"Hmmm...what did you say Lauri?" I said groggily.

"Samantha," Lauri said softly into my ears. "It's almost 1am, we

both must of fallen asleep down here. How bout we head up, since

I need to be up early for work. Here, let me help you up."

Lauri got up and help pulled me up from the couch. I grabbed my crutch and we both slowly made our way up the stairs half asleep. We both climbed into bed in silence, and made our way into each other's arms as we both fell off to sleep.

Next thing I remember was that damn alarm going off at 5am again.

"Damn that alarm!" I yelled out as I put the pillow over my head to

muffle out the sound.

I heard Lauri laugh in the background as I said that.

"You know Lauri, why do you have to get up so damn early for work

when clinic doesn't even start till 9am?"

"Ah...but your forgetting Samantha I'm a teacher, we have other

jobs as well to do, we have to be there way before the students do

to get everything ready and so much more."

"Yeah, I know Lauri. I'm just being a pill here. As you can tell

I'm definitely not a morning person." I said light heartedly.

"That's alright Samantha, if I didn't have to be up so early for

work I would be sleeping in as well with you." She said smiling.

"How are you feeling Lauri, are you tired since we didn't come up

till late last night."

"No, actually I feel okay. Here why don't you sleep in and I'll

leave a hot fresh pot of coffee on for you when you come on down

later. I'll set the timer on it. Well I better go get moving here

and finish getting ready. You have a nice morning Samantha and I'll

see you at lunch...okay?" Lauri leaned over the bed and quickly

kissed me on the cheek.

"Okay, Lauri. I'll see you later. Have a good day." I heard Lauri

walk out of the room as I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep.

After a few hours I was up and getting ready. I made my way down the stairs and had a cup of coffee. I wasn't sure when I would tell Lauri I was leaving, and that I had the doctor's appointment on monday. I was pretty much able to take care of myself now, so I knew it was time for me to move out, but I was afraid to leave. I would miss her greatly. I knew that once I would tell her about my doctors appointment on monday that I would have to soon leave cause there would be no more excuses for me to stay on any longer.

It saddened me that I would have to go. Maybe it would be best for me to tell her on monday, that way I won't ruin the time we have now together. It had been so nice cuddling with her the night before, and I just wanted a little more time with her.

Lunch had come and gone. Lauri had come home and we ate some lunch and talked general things about the day. I cooked dinner for her all week. The week went pretty smoothly. Our normal routine of her coming home for lunch, and after supper we would both retire to the couch and watch a movie cuddled into each other. A couple of times we even played a hand or two at cards, but this time the truth and dare game was definitely left out. This time I made sure both our clothes stayed on.

The week had gone by so quickly and we had grown close again and enjoying each other's company and time spent together. She had touched my heart in a way that no one had done before. She truly had become a very close and dear friend to me, and it saddened me that we couldn't have more than that.

I never let it go beyond cuddling with her and I, even though at times I felt Lauri wanted to kiss me and she would lean into me to kiss me but I would pull away or turn my face from her.

She never got upset or asked me why, and with me leaving on the monday I just didn't want to go through the emotional hurt of loving her and then having to leave so I pushed her away and held my emotional walls up, and would only allow it to go no further than the cuddling. I wanted more with her, but I knew it would never be, so I had to keep my own feelings in check.

I knew she was still in love with her husband and was confused with this situation with her and I, and her feelings for me, so I couldn't let myself get on that roller coaster again with her, though it was such a struggle for me every day to maintain that front of pushing her away and not wanting her. I wanted to reach out to her and to love her, but I just knew I couldn't.

We spent a wonderful weekend together, playing around with each other, joking, and just really enjoying ourselves. Lauri cooked some meals, and I cooked my homemade chilli for her over the weekend. We ordered take out as well,and just enjoyed each other's company over the weekend. But the ominous monday was soon approaching and my nerves started to act up.

Sunday evening found us both on the couch again relaxing with each other, but tonight I was quiet in my thoughts about how tomorrow would go.

"Samantha, your awlfully quiet over there. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Lauri. I was just thinking how great of a week it

has been with you, and I'm just going to miss that I guess when I

leave, so I guess that is on my mind a bit."

"Oh, I see." Lauri said quietly. "She still wants to leave," Lauri

thought to herself saddly. Well I guess I haven't given her any

indication that I want her here longer but how can I tell her that

I want more with her. I guess I don't blame her for pulling away

the past few times when I have tried to get close to her, considering

what I did to her the last time. She's probably scared and confused

about how I will react again, and then of course my husband. Damn,

I wish I knew myself how I could straighten all of this out, but I

do know onething, is that I love her and don't want to lose her. I

should tell her this, but after what happened the last time, I'm sure

she would be skeptical of my feelings for her, and I don't blame her

for feeling that way. I just don't know what to say to her."

Lauri sat there in her thoughts as well.

We both sat on the couch in silence in our own thoughts. I didn't know how to tell her about tomorrow so I will tell her then. I just want to enjoy this last night with her. I snapped out of my thoughts and leaned into Lauri a little more. She looked down at me and gave me a soft smile and pulled me into her more wrapping her arms around me. We cuddled in each others arms the rest of the evening quietly enjoying our time together. My heart so heavy and so sad as I knew this would be the last night I would feel her in my arms. I loved her so, if only she felt the same way, if only she would tell me to stay with her. Well if only a lot of things were different, but unfortunately they were not.