Copyrighted by SkyeRoseNovels
Author: SkyeRose
Feedback Email Address: leslientammy@yahoo.com
My Special Something Some people want it all But I don't want nothing at all If it ain't you baby If I ain't got you baby Some people want diamond rings Some just want everything But everything means nothing If I ain't got you
-If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys
I was sitting by my computer listening to Sade sing about "Lover's Rock". I am in the wilderness she said. At this particular time I could totally relate. Loving in vain I prefer to call it. I was lonely. I had a degree. I had a house. I had 2 new puppies that totally adored me as much as I adored them. Yet I was not fulfilled.
I learned about a service in which juvenile offenders who were soon to be released could have "mentors". A friend of mine asked me would I help since she was beginning to start her juvenile detention ministry. I would be a post-detention safe haven in which such offenders could come and stay in my loft for up to 3 months.
Now I know all this sounds a little off but I needed to feel like I was contributing to life because for so many years I felt that I had not. So this was like me giving back. Plus I always wanted to help children who kind of got off the path. I was once young and I remember doing things and thinking I don't know how I got that one pass. Our children these days are just not that lucky though.
So I had the house set up and I was to go and pick up my teenager. Her name was Veronica, they called her "V". (Supposedly that is the initial she carved into some of her enemies.)
I walked in and found a tall bulky girl standing in the doorway. She approximately was 6*3 and she was more manly than feminine. But who am I to judge? I was 5 foot even so I guess I had a height inferiority with anyone taller than me. All I knew is that the girl needed a chance in life and God as my help, I was going to make sure that she would get a second chance.
"Hi Veronica, I am Jessica but you can call me Jesse."
"Call me V.", she said in a shy high pitched voice.
I found that to be funny. This big tall girl whom they said was so mean and impolite had a high voice. Which was probably the catalyst to most of her fights.
I signed the forms and walked to the car. She stopped suddenly.
"What? What is it? Did you forget something?", I asked panicky.
"Umm, no", she said.
"It's just that I didn't know you was big balling. I mean you are pushing a Benz."
She embarrassed me. I mean I wasn't a big baller. I had bought myself an early Christmas present. Nothing wrong with that right? She stood by the car and began to tell me everything she had under my hood.
We got in the car and began driving to my house. She was silent for awhile but finally she began to talk.
"I guess you want to know what I was in for huh?...Or have they already told you."
"Actually I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. I am about your future, your past was left there when you walked out of the door. I think you need a chance and idea of loving is the willingness to take chances V."
"Cool", she said and from then on we were cool.
***7 Months Later
We honestly had no real problems when I think about it. There was nothing to stress over. She was a good kid. She loved to work on cars and she graduated from her GED program. She expressed that she wanted to go to the Army so I trained her. We ran everyday and got started on a great diet. She dropped weight in no time and was sent off. I hadn't heard from her and then I received a letter:
Miss Jess, (She called me "Miss Jess" cause she said I was short and sassy.)
Hey! I finally got to write. Well I am doing ok. Training with you helped out some with the running but tomorrow we shoot. I am supposed to graduate in a month and I would like nothing more than to see you standing there.
Gotta Go,
V
P.S. The idea of loving, is the willingness to take chances.
I was glad to know she was o.k. I guess I would make a drive to see her graduate. I was really proud of her. I felt like a proud something but definitely not a proud mom...
*Crossing Over
There she was. Walking proudly with her shoulders back. I almost didn't recognize her. For the first time I looked at her as more than a little kid. She was gorgeous. They had made her straighten her hair and it looked beautiful underneath her cap. I could see that she was looking for me, as was all the other soldiers who were out there on the base.
"V", I screamed.
She turned around and the biggest smile appeared on her face. She ran over to me and gave me a big hug. I think just possibly she hugged me longer than she should but I knew it was nothing perverted. I had became the only family she had and we had been apart for a grip. It was like seeing my best friend again.
We drove back to the house. She fell asleep on the ride there. I tried to wake her up when we got there but she didn't budge. She ended up sleeping in my car all night. Poor kid must have really been tired. But the army had done her some good cause she was looking damn good in her uniform.
The next day we chatted and shopped. I bought her some new kicks and we talked about what she wanted to do with her life at a local caf. She said she wanted to go active duty. I was slightly confused as to why considering Bush was sending our people overseas left and right. I didn't want to sound non supportive but the thought of her going overseas bothered the hell out of me. Not because I was worried that she may not come back but because somewhere deep inside my feelings for her transformed from liking a kid to liking a young woman.
My feelings had lost the plot. What in the hell was I thinking with even remotely liking this young woman? Who knows with me? Sometimes I was here and other times I was a kid again. I guess in a way that is what she made me feel like. I felt young again like I could face the world and win. I realized now that I had almost became recluse but I was in a sense revived and ready to get out into the real world and stop hiding behind my work. V made me realize that life was much more than working late night shifts. It was actually existing. She got a second chance and as much as I preacher to her about it, I forgot to give myself a second chance. I had become a stone-cold hypocrite.
Even if the feelings I felt were there, I would ignore them. After all, I was supposed to be her damn mentor, not her damn lover. Indeed I had decided with my subconscious that I would ignore any feelings I had of V and take care of business with myself.
Sending My Girl Off*
Even though I was supposed to be her mentor, we initially had become much more than that. We were tight. I depended on her and she depended on me. We leaned on each other and it was o.k. I loved her. My feelings I had felt long ago only multiplied. Of course they had been ignored. The day I expressed my feelings arrived faster than later.
She came in this particular day with sadness in her eyes. I knew they were sending her off. I had already felt it. She explained to me that this is what she had been waiting for but it just hit when she was finally getting settled in. She explained how she was 20 now and she was grown and that she would be o.k. Can you believe it? This young thing was consoling me as if I was her girlfriend. This was a definite mess I tell ya. But I couldn't let her leave and not know that I was in love with her, no matter how old she is, and that it didn't matter if she did or didn't feel the same way.
I was driving her to the airport where her division would all meet and be transported to their destinations. She was grabbing her bags and that is when I looked her in the eye. I was about to open my mouth to let it all out and she grabbed my hand and told me that when I got back home to turn on my c.d. player. She said the song would be set so that I would know exactly how she felt in hopes that I felt the same way. I said I would do as she said and with that she hugged me in one of her big bear hugs. She then went to salute and on the plane she left.
I did as she said. I went into my house and turned on flashing c.d. player which she did set. The words were so beautiful that Alicia sang. "If I Ain't Got You" it said. I knew exactly how she felt. There was no doubt that she was telling the truth. But I felt V. Right then and there I prayed that God would send her back to me so that I would know that our love, no matter the age or anything, that our love had a chance.
*************************** 11 Months Later*******************************
I had went through season changes, hormone changes, and everything else. I had dated a couple of women but none that I had become intimate with. Can you believe it? 11 months had passed and I hadn't heard from the girl not once. After I believed that we actually had something, she got over there and forgot about me. I tried to write her but everything came back to me. I didn't know if she was dead or alive and every phone for 11 months was in hopes that it was her. I was feeling like a teenager again but in reality I was now 33 and still without love. V was 21 now and I know she finally felt like she was something. Except I hadn't heard from this girl not once.
I had decided to have a barbeque since it was the summer now. Why not? My few friends I did have were so quirky, at least they could keep a girl company.
We were all sitting around drinking and giggling with some serious buzzes when I heard my doorbell ring from outside. You know how you just know that it is that special someone. Like they have their own ring or something. Deep inside of me I knew it was V.
I looked at my friend Sandra and said, "That's V."
She looked at me like I had lost my mind but when I went to the door, she was there standing there with her toothy crooked grin.
I jumped in her arms and I knew that God had gave me a chance. A chance to have something that I felt was part of me. This new love with V was about to become my special something.
The End
P.S. If you get a chance, get Alicia's new c.d. It is the best yet!