I'm sorry I'm taking this long with the chapters, I wil be sending more soon, remember this is my story and I own its rights, and also remember that if you're local laws forbif it then you should not read this, or if you are offended by it and so on and on. Comments are always welcomed and I hope you guys like this.
Chapter 9. ----Sorrow and Shame----
Becca, I don't know quite how to say what I need to tell you, I am both afraid and ashamed of what has happened, I know we don't know each other so well but...
He had been trying for hours to scribble something that he could somehow give to Becca, he didn't care how, he would slip it in her backpack, leave it at her room or somehow make it get to her. However, he wanted to give her a letter in which he could both ask for her forgiveness and try to let her know that Michael was not nearly as good as he seemed to be. But in honest reality he thought that she would never believe him, he knew he had screwed up and this time it had been big. When he thought that perhaps he was about to lose the first true friends he had made since... since he lost all his loved ones, it felt as if he couldn't move or breath at all.
He wrinkled the piece of paper in front of him, and threw it into the garbage. "God Matty I miss you so much..." He whispered before leaning on his desk and fighting the tears away. After a good while and convincing himself of eating for the first time since the previous Monday, he came into the dining hall, secretly wishing that he wouldn't run into the guys or Becca, and the thought of even seeing Michael made his stomach turn. The place was crowded as it was lunchtime on a Thursday, it had been over a week since he had spent the day with Luke and Nate, and it had almost made him feel as if he was in the company of his brother again.
He felt his stomach roar in need of food. He went and got in line and got himself some food, though he knew he was terribly hungry, he also knew that eating too much after fasting for a few days wouldn't be a good idea. He started to look for a table and then felt a chill go down his spine as he heard his name being called out. He turned around and felt his heart beat grow alarmingly fast. And then he saw Luke smiling and waving at him, at closer inspection it was just Luke and Nate sitting at a side of a table and there was still some room, no Becca, no Michael, he decided he did want to be with them and so he went and joined them.
"Hey buddy, I haven't seen you in a while." Luke said with his usual smile.
"I thought you usually have North American Lit on Tuesday mornings, I looked for you after I got out of class and I never saw you." Nate said looking at him.
He felt caught off guard, he didn't know of any better excuse then to say he was sick. "I wasn't feeling all that good so I slept in." He lied.
Luke looked up and met his gaze. "Do you think maybe you got a cold from when you looked after me?" He asked with a worried look.
"No, I'm ok now," he said as he began devouring his plate. It took him a while to realize that both Nate and Luke had gone into silence and he looked up and realized the were both staring at him. Then he looked back to his plate and saw that he had eaten a large part of his food in no time and they hadn't miss that detail. "I'm sorry I didn't eat much last night."
"Looks like you didn't eat much since last week..." Luke stated.
Nate looked at him and then at Martin, he seemed to be thinking of something to change the subject. "So Martin did you see tomorrow night there will be a gay-straight alliance party? It's gonna be right here at the dinning hall, and Luke and I were thinking of coming and we thought it would be nice if you'd come too." He said.
Martin wasn't sure if he was in the mood for a party but as he saw both of them smiling at him awaiting for his answer he couldn't say no. "Ok, I'll come with you guys," They both smiled wider and Luke reached forward and bumped his fist against Martin's. "So, I think I'll just pick some nice clothes to come."
Luke nodded as he chewed on his food, then spoke. "I think we should all dress nicely and look good, that's why I'm taking my babe here out shopping today, I insist on him getting shirts that are his size and maybe a haircut," he looked up at Nate and ran his hand over his hair. "You haven't cut it since you got here, and it's so long that it falls down the sides of your head and you can't even see that it used to be a faux hawk." Luke said all excited.
The fact was, Nate's hair was quite long, and it looked weird on him that way, his wavy dark brown hair didn't really look good along with his high cheek bones and his wide brow. Martin looked at him and smiled while nodding. "You do need a haircut buddy."
Nate rolled his eyes while Luke pumped his fist in the air in a sign of victory. "Ok, ok, I'll get it cut; I want my faux-hawk back anyways..." He said before his face turned into a smile.
"Oh yeah... He's gonna look all hot with that faux-hawk back, and after all those morning jogs you have you're looking better, besides with a shirt a few sizes smaller I'm gonna be the envy of every gay guy at that party." Luke said beaming with pride.
Nate dropped his head into the table. "I thought you had forgotten about the shirts..." He said and then looked up. "I don't want new shirts, mine are ok, they're a little worn out but they'll do and besides I don't like wearing tight clothes and this one fits me just fine."
Luke waved him off and looked at Martin. "You're gonna help me to get him a shirt his size right? Come with us, besides I already recruited Becca and Michael too, that way he won't be able to say no." Luke said with a slight smile.
Martin felt his stomach turn again. Luke and Nate both seemed to notice the change in him. "Michael is going?" He asked, and then both Nate and Luke stared at each other and then back at him. "I mean Becca and Michael are going to the party too?" He asked noticing how they had both found his first question to be odd.
"Well the idea we had was to come with all of our friends, they are fighting a little but that's just because Michael stood Becca up on Monday night, but they'll be ok," Luke said before taking a drink of his soda. "Why do you ask?" He said not looking at Martin.
"Oh... nothing, I mean I don't know..." He said before he took a long drink of his soda. He saw that Luke and Nate exchanged a glance. "I think I have something to do in the afternoon, so I don't think I'm going to be able to go..." Luke cut him off.
"But you are going to the party with us right?" He asked.
He knew they thought he was acting weird, hell he knew he wasn't being himself, so he decided it would be best to try and get them off that track. "Yeah, sure I'll meet you guys tomorrow before, just tell me what time and I'll meet you guys at your room," He said, then he saw that most of his food and drink were gone. "I think I'm gonna go now guys, Luke just call me and tell me what time to be there and I'll see you guys later." He said as he got up. They looked surprised; still they nodded and waved at him as he walked away.
"Babe something's wrong with him." Luke said as he saw Martin walk away.
"I know, but... what?" Nate asked.
"He didn't joke, he was quiet, he looked nervous and he never even once made fun of me, I mean... we always make fun of each other." Luke said.
"He missed class, a class that he loves by the way, and then he comes here and eats like he hasn't eaten in a week." Nate said.
Luke stayed silent a few moments, and Nate stared at him. "Michael," Luke said, as Nate held his stare. "He pretty much flinched when we mentioned his name, and he refused to come when we both know that he doesn't have class today, on Thursdays he only has a class in the morning, last week he stayed with me because of that remember?" Nate nodded. "Then the word Michael comes up and he suddenly has something to do, and he didn't even bother to make something up, he just said he had something to do." Luke said, furrowing his brow.
Nate nodded. "As much as I don't like it, I think you're right." He said.
"Why don't you just tell me where it is that you went?" Becca asked with the growing anger getting the best of her.
"I already fucking told you! I went out with Breck!" Michael yelled as he tossed his backpack on his bed.
"Yeah, well that sure sounds like you like me, you told me you'd wait for me and then we'd do something, I could've gone out with Nate and Luke but we didn't make any plans because I was supposed to do something with you and then you go and stand me up to go out with your roommate?" She said pointing her finger at him.
He turned around and gave her his dirtiest glare. "Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" He said trying to scare her off.
"Oh, don't even go there Mister, you're just about to turn yourself single." She said, then turned around and started walking towards the door.
He jumped in front of her and kicked the door closed. She jumped as the kick startled her and as she heard the door slam against its frame. "You're going to break up with me because I went out with a friend and forgot about our date?" He asked smiling at her. She felt terrified, though she wouldn't stop staring at him with anger. "I don't think so honey, I'm sorry I forgot but you aren't breaking up with me over this." He said and gave a slight chuckle.
"Get the fuck out of my way!" She yelled as she started to feel herself shake in anger. He moved to his side and opened the door, gesturing towards it while smiling. She wanted to punch him in the face and see if he was still smiling after that, but instead she walked out and started walking towards the exit, she needed air and she needed to get away from him. As she got to the parking lot of the building, she started to feel lightheaded and dizzy. She sat down on the ground and started taking deep breaths.
After a few minutes, she felt as if she was back to normal, and then she thought she would probably go to her room and take a nap. Just as she was getting up her cell phone started ringing and she took it out of the pocket of her jeans. It was Luke. "Hey Luke, what's up hon?" She asked.
"We're supposed to go convince Nate on some new clothes remember? And to get his hair cut again." He reminded her.
"Oh yeah, just wait, are you at your room?" She asked looking around the exit.
"Yeah, why?" He asked back.
"Just come down, I'm right at the exit of the building, I'll wait for you guys here and we can get going." She said.
"Ok, we'll be there in a few seconds." He said and hung up.
She sat again on the floor. Dirty girl her mother always called her, she was the only girl in her class who would play ball with the boys, sit on the floor, and sometimes Nate and her would go and get some cow crap from Mr. Thomson's farm and put it in a bag and dump it in the teacher's lounge fridge. Her mother never knew about that last part but she would've definitely shared a few nice words to her daughter. If only her mom would see her right now, sitting on the floor, after having been scared shitless by a boyfriend she now suspected to be cheating on her. "Mom you'd be so proud." She whispered while looking at the ground.
"Hey... where's Michael?" Luke asked as he and Nate approached.
She looked up and saw that Nate was staring at her. "Oh, we had a little argument and thought it was best if we just give each other some space for a while." She lied and saw that Nate didn't buy it.
"Ok, you'll be fine tomorrow, just stay cool and let's go." Nate said.
Luke was about to say something but decided to just go along as he was already noticing more weirdness in the air. They headed towards Luke's car and got in. after a little driving they got to the barbershop, which Luke had been told, would be good for getting Nate's haircut. They got out of the car and went in the place. After just entering the shop, they asked for some help on getting someone who would want to try to cut Nate's hair in a faux-hawk style, which was the one he kept saying he wanted once again.
After getting his haircut they took him to the mall where he would smirk at every shirt Luke and Becca tried to get him to buy. "Well you should at least buy one, just one please!" Becca pleaded.
"Ok, just one and it's gotta be an XL or L, no mediums." Nate stated.
"There are a few mediums that would look good on you; you're not either XL or L, well maybe L for some brands..." Luke started to argue.
"I said L or XL if not then forget it." Nate cut him off.
Luke started muttering curses and looking through the t-shirts and then found one he liked, Nate took it and went to try it on and as he came out both Becca and Luke were trying real hard not to get too excited because both of them knew if Nate saw them react that way he would take it off. However, the truth was that he looked hot, the shirt fit him nice, not too tight but enough to see some muscle in his arms and it also allowed seeing his torso for a change from the loose shirts that he wore regularly. And finally the shirt was nice, black with a red printing on the left side of the chest.
"I think it looks kind of good." Luke said holding his excitement.
"Yeah, though if it was a size smaller..." Becca tried to say.
"Ok, no smaller, we'll take this one." Nate said as he went in to change again.
When Nate was out of sight they went nuts. "I fucking loved it!" Luke cheered.
"Damn he looks fine!" Becca said.
"It lets you see that he's really lean now, though it lets you see that he's got a nice chest and arms too!" Luke said excitedly.
Nate got out and they both calmed down. "Don't you think it makes my chest look... I mean... Doesn't it look like I've got... Boobs?" Nate asked.
They both looked at each other and then at Nate. Becca grabbed each side of her boobs and lifted them making them look bigger than they already were. "Honey this are boobs, I've got tits, you've got a chest." She said.
"I love your chest, I've sucked on it and I know there's quite some muscle there and you can barely see an outline of it with that shirt, I think it looked good." Luke said hoping to have convinced him.
Nate thought about it a little, then took a deep breath, and started walking towards one of the clerks as he called to them. "Ok, let's go then." He called out and didn't see the two of them jumping and saying repeatedly yes before they walked to catch up to him.
Once they got to the dorms, Nate was walking up in front of them and Luke decided he would take a risk with Becca. "Honey, do you know if Michael has seen Martin this last few days?" He asked her. At the mention of Michael's name it became obvious in her face that something was going on with him.
"I don't know babe, why?" She asked back.
"I don't know, Martin's been a little weird lately, he's got us worried and today he was going to come with us, but when we said that you guys were coming he flinched and made up some story to not come." Luke replied.
"Wait, when you mentioned us he ditched you guys?" Becca asked starting to feel weird.
"No, actually he backed out when I said Michael was coming, that's why I thought that maybe something happened between the two of them." Luke said trying to keep his voice down so Nate wouldn't listen and try to stop him. Becca didn't speak, she kept remembering a few hours earlier when Michael had scared the crap out of her and thought that the theory of Michael doing something to Martin actually made a little sense.
"Honey are you ok?" Luke asked her.
"Yeah, just thinking, I don't know if Michael has seen Martin this last few days, he's been acting like an angry bitch lately." She answered.
"Are you two ok?" He asked.
"I don't know, but if things stay this way I will be single shortly." She said, Luke nodded and then they parted to their respective floors. As she got to her room, she saw that Jessie wasn't back and so she took out her cell and dialed Michael's number, he answered shortly.
"So, have you thought about it some more, or are you still acting like a kid?" He asked her.
"Did you do something to Martin?" She asked back.
There was silence over the line, she could hear him breathing on the other side and started getting angrier until she heard him speak. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said.
"Pretty original answer mister, now why am I not buying it?" She asked him.
"Why the fuck would I have done anything to him? I barely even know the guy, and I don't even know why the fuck it is that you're acting like this to me!" He yelled over the phone.
"Martin's been acting weird and he seems to be avoiding us at all costs, but we think the one he wants to stay away from is you." She said.
"So you and you're gay boys are forming theories in which I'm the bad guy?" He yelled to her.
"This isn't about gay or straight you fucking prick, now I just want you to know that I don't want to see you again, and if I find out that you did do something to Martin believe me you'll pay for it." She said trying to remain calm.
"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked.
"Damn, you're a genius, you should go to class more often, maybe you'll end up being a rocket scientist or brain surgeon one day, goodbye and stay the fuck away from me and my friends." She said as she closed her cell.
When he heard her hang up he threw a punch against the wall that made the people in the room next-door start yelling at him. "He fucking told them!" he yelled as he started pacing around the room. "I'm gonna fucking kill you Martin." He said as he sat on his bed.
He heard a knock on the door and thought this was just what he needed to finish one of the suckiest days of the last years. He got up and started walking towards the door not really wanting to hear any complaints and begging that it wasn't anything he would have to go deal with at the moment. When he opened the door, he was torn between feeling surprised and frightened when he saw a grinning Becca standing there.
"Hey, is this a bad moment or could we talk for a while?" She asked.
"Oh, no, I mean, it's ok, come in." He said.
"I'm sorry I just wanted to talk and didn't feel like talking with the guys." She said as she walked in, stopping in front of Martin's desk chair.
"Sit down, why wouldn't you want to talk to the guys, I mean did something bad happen?" He asked as he sat at the edge of his bed, facing Becca as she was now sitting as well.
"Well, things between Michael and I haven't been nice lately," She said and noticed how Martin stiffened when she mentioned Michael, Luke was right. "And well, we had a huge fight earlier today and then I decided to break up with him, so I called him and well, I'm single." She said and then saw how upon hearing this Martin seemed to relax.
"So, was he treating you bad or something?" He asked.
Funny how that was the first thing he asked, she thought. "Well, he was becoming very snappy and would throw a fit over anything and to be honest I don't want to have to deal with his crap."
"I'm sorry, I mean, I hope it would've worked." Martin said, but failed to sound convincing.
"Honey, Luke mentioned that you seemed to be avoiding Michael and that you would act strange if you'd hear someone mention him," She said and saw how he was stiffening again. "Did Michael do something to you?" She asked.
They were already broken up, and if he told her what happened then maybe she'd think that was the reason why their relationship had failed, he was terrified to tell her and screwing up because of it.
"No, I just didn't like him that much," He said and saw her nod and then wait for him to continue. "I mean, he was nice to me, though I felt weird, like he wasn't really that nice, I don't know if you get me." He said.
"Well, at least now I don't have to deal with him and I did warn him to stay the fuck away from my boys, so you we don't have to worry about him anymore." She said.
Martin smiled. "So I'm one of your boys too?" He asked while still smiling and feeling truly happy for the first time in a while.
"Of course you are, Nate and Luke always told me how nice you are and then I met you and instantly liked you," She said and smiled at seeing how much calmer and better Martin looked now. "So tomorrow we're going to the party and we're gonna have a good time, ok?" She asked.
"Of course, I'll meet you guys at the Nate and Luke's and then we'll go." He said still smiling.
She got up and hugged him. "Ok, good night Martin," She said and squeezed him tight. "And thank you." She said as she parted. Even if he hadn't told her whatever Michael had done to him, it was hearing that Michael might have hurt one of her friends that made her realize how much she didn't wanted him in her life. As she left, Martin waved at her before she closed the door. That was the first night in a while that Martin went to bed with a smile on his face and had a good sleep.