Hello all.
Well, things have been chaos now for a while. My job situation changed, my health has been up and down, writer's block, and just plain tired. Still, mostly I can and do deal with it fairly well. Until this August.
As many of you are aware, Benji (also known as Elf g) has been my main editor for a while. He too has had his share of health problems and personal chaos. Well, that to became something much harder to deal with this August. Not his health though. Joshi was killed in a plane crash in early August. Joshi was my friend too, not just through Benji. I wrote something for Benji, but have not had the heart since then to pick up all of my projects. Kind of hard to write when your eyes fog up everytime you start to type.
I will promise this. The story is not dead or forgotten. I WILL continue it and keep it going. Just be patient with me, ok?
Thanks for all of the wonderful email and supportive words. They do make a difference.
Lael
Here is what I wrote for Benji. It pretty much says everything you would want to know, though it is written in free-form prose. I will understand if it is not your thing, but it will tell you a lot about Joshi and why he was so special.
"God Sent "
He was an answer to two prayers One spoken aloud and one not When friends proved they were Less than what they claimed And turned away without shame He came, indignant, to fill the void Of heart and space To which they had laid waste Not from pity or self service From compassion for another's need He stepped forward As so many stepped back and turned away. Friendship offered, without price nor motive Simply for friendship's sake
One hoped that he was the answer To that spoken prayer The one who could not help In the way that was so badly needed Someone to be there To hold, to care, to bring hope With simple human touch To fill the empty soreness Of a seeking heart Someone to bring laughter and joy To a barren, lonely plight The one that prayed aloud Held his breath, seeing the promise Of that prayer fulfilled
The one whose prayer was silent Reported each new thing To the one friend who stayed But was so far away Too many miles to overcome When he needed someone near To help with heart's pain He told of his secret hope That this new friend Might really be the one Someone who could love him Someone that would support him Someone that would help him Overcome his fear and bane His one long distance friend Waited and waited for that day When the new friend would Come forward and complete The whispered prayer
The one who prayed aloud Urged the silent one To speak his troubled heart And tell the prayer sent one What was really there So much fear, so hard to say Still, this risk must be borne How is the silent one to know Unless he looses the words To find that unwhispered prayer With incredible courage And his heart in his throat The silent one spoke Telling the God sent one All that was hidden Within the vastness of a good heart The silent one woke Seeing what was before him Understanding the risk of loss And understanding the possibility That this was the answer To that unspoken prayer
God had heard He had answered The prayer that was spoken And that which was unsaid The new friend was indeed the one That God had sent To raise up the wounded one To bring him back from the edge To show him what it is to love and be loved To know another's touch that thrills the soul To have a partner and soul mate To have one who truly hears To have unconditional support in all trials To know what was needed at any given time To awaken a sleeping sexual being All of these and far, far more Joshi gave to Benji Love, the purest I've ever seen
After a short time The body's illness departed No match for Joshi's care Benji's heart was no longer barren Filled beyond its limit Time flew quickly and without notice Weeks became months but not quite a year Then came the summons That changed it all No warning, no parting Simply gone
A flight to see relatives Joshi and his parents went But did not arrive The plane had problems And the pilot did not know No word was heard For a solid week, time unending Then came word, the plane was found My heart froze for Benji As he told me the words Joshi was truly gone Never to return Tears blind me now As I try to write I can't help him through this Nothing I say will work I will give and always have My unending support and love My spoken prayer had been answered As had his silent one Random chance came and took him back There is no blame to attach Please, Elf, never forget that
Remember that he came Don't dwell on him gone Remember what it felt like Don't let that turn bitter Remember what he taught you about life, love and your body Don't ever forget, by choice or chance Remember this: He will never be forgotten from now on As long as there are eyes in the world to read Remember what he did for you And some day Do the same for another
8/20/91