First of all, thanks to the three ladies who keep me sane or at least on the happier side of insane... Izzy (my beta fairy, bless her heart of gold!), Kor, and Summy. Thanks also to Rob and Dan, my fave couple :), Writie, Metra, Peter, Ryan, Libby, Myoshi, Julienne, Trish, Bethany, and all the other wonderful people who have graced me with their kind and helpful comments. Hell, it's to everybody who takes the time to read it! Enjoy...
Disclaimer: This story is not meant to imply anything about the true sexuality or personal lives of the celebrities mentioned. Adult (m/m) content, probably foul language, don't be illegal, stuff like that. Any likeness to people personally known to me is either purely coincidental and unintended, or devoid of malevolence.
NEEDING YOU CHAPTER 24 by Neqs
"Oh my god, you are so brown! I can hardly recognize you!" Lance smiled at Justin's enthusiastic greeting and allowed himself to be hugged. He rather liked hugs anyway, and he hadn't seen his friends in more than a week...it had been too long, even if he hadn't really had time to miss them.
"Great new hair, Jus! Good to see you too." Lance went around the room, hugging all his friends.
"Who are you and what did you do to our Mississippi albino?" Lance laughed at Chris' high- pitched complaint, hugging the shorter man tight. He let go of Chris only to be swept off his feet by Joey.
"Put me down, you big oaf!" The green-eyed man was as close to giggling as anyone so low-voiced could get, so Joey paid his half-hearted protests no heed, twirling him around a few times before dropping him down with a thump.
"Did you spend the whole trip eating, Lance? You've gained a few pounds." Lance punched Joey in the arm in mock indignation before turning to the last one to be greeted.
"Your hair is so pretty now Lance, I like the way it's sun-streaked over the natural brown, and the tan really brings out your eyes! You look like you had a great trip!" Lance gave JC a quick but heart-felt hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, get your mouth off my man, Poofu-boy! You've got your own little sex monkey."
"Sure thing, Jus. I think I'd rather have them both, though. And JC, the trip was fantastic. I had a really great time with Marshall. That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about."
Lance waited until everybody was sitting comfortably with his preferred drink in hand before starting.
"I could go on and on about how fantastic the house was and what a great time we had there, but I'll get straight to the point. Being able to be with Marshall without having to hide our feelings or worry about time constraints made it the best week of my life. You remember that country song from that River Phoenix movie? It went something like: 'And I'm more like myself now than I ever was.' That's what I'm feeling right now. Marshall makes me whole, and I do the same for him. We talked about this and decided that it's time. Time to stop hiding, time to stop letting fear lead our lives. We want to come out."
This calmly dropped bomb was met with silence. Lance studied the faces of his band mates, hiding his anxiety behind a mask of serenity. He knew they would always support him in anything he did, but this would affect them all. He waited impatiently for their reaction, which came from an unexpected direction.
"Well, I've got to say I'm a little disappointed," Joey said solemnly, causing Lance's heart to sink. "This was your 'there's something important I need to talk to you about' thing? Damn, I was so sure you were pregnant! Think about it - the weight gain, the weird moods, and face it Lancey, you're practically glowing!" And then the whole room burst into laughter.
Lance wiped his eyes. "Oh Joey, I love you."
Joey leaned in and wrapped an arm around his friend. "Aw, I love you too, Lancey-poo! Like a brother though, I'm not a fag!"
"Joey, what have I told you about language! Only gay guys can use the word 'fag'," Justin corrected him.
"Okay guys, love the discussion but back to the original topic, please!" Lance looked at JC and Chris who hadn't said anything since the announcement. "Guys?"
"Lance, wow, this is, you know, this is a huge thing, but beautiful too. I'm really happy for you."
Chris was the last to speak, and when he did, his voice was pensive. "Are you really sure about this, Lance? Once you're out, you can't go back in. The media are going to be on you like killer ants on a Sunday picnic. By the way, do your families even know?"
Chris could act like a twelve-year-old, but sometimes he did things that made you suddenly realize that he was an adult, the oldest one of them all.
Lance considered his words seriously. "Yes, I'm as sure as can be. This is what I want. And our families... No, they don't know yet, but we're telling them before we do it. Marshall is talking to D12 and Dre right now."
"Hey, Marshall my man, how'd the trip go?"
"Take a look at that idiotic smile, it had to go great!" Marshall tried to glower at Peter, but an insistent smile soon broke through the pretense.
"I'll have all you dumb fucks know that the trip was unbelievable. Fucking fantastic!"
"Check out the tan, man! Marshall's turned into a light-skinned brotha!"
"Knock it off Swift, Marshall's always been a brotha. Now he just...looks the part a little more!"
"Sure, joke around all you want, but I had a great time."
"That's good to hear. How's Lance, by the way?" Marshall tried not to notice that Dre had been the only one to mention the singer. Maybe Dre had just been the first one. The others had been busy cracking jokes in their usual loving way.
"He's doing great, thanks Dre. He's with his guys now, talking. I...I need to talk to you too, about the same thing as a matter of fact."
"What same thing?"
"Sit down, all of you, this is important." The rappers settled down slowly, the noise level going down gradually until Marshall cleared his throat one more time.
"Guys?"
"Go on, Em." Dre thought he knew what Marshall was about to say, and it wasn't going to be easy for him.
"Thanks. Um, yeah, I had a great trip with Lance, mostly because I was with Lance, not that the island wasn't cool, and the house was fucking amazing. And now I'm babbling...fuck! Okay, I'm just gonna say it and let the shit hit the fan. Me and Lance, we want more of that. We wanna be together, like, all the time, and to able to be to that...we wanna come out."
The silence was deafening. Inwardly freaking out, Marshall finally realized the meaning of the phrase 'deafening silence' - it meant that you couldn't hear a fucking thing, you were so fucking terrified that you felt like you might go deaf from it.
It might have been five seconds or five minutes, but Dre's voice was rock steady when he spoke. "If you're sure about this, you have my full support. Congratulations, son."
Elated at his reaction but worried about the rest of the gang, he looked from one expressionless face to another.
"Guys? Say something, please. I know this is gonna fuck some things up, but you've made a name for your own so I won't take you down with me. I'm sorry you're gonna get some shit because of me..."
He got no further before he was interrupted. "Em, chill the fuck up. It's cool. You shocked the hell outta us, but we're cool with this. Right, guys?"
"Right."
"Sure, man."
"No prob, Slim."
"'s cool, bro."
Marshall closed his eyes and let his tense muscles relax. He breathed out in relief and opened his eyes again, smiling with near-blinding happiness.
"You don't know how much this means to me, guys. Your support, your acceptance...I wouldn't be here without you."
Dre decided to intervene before he had a room-full of teary rappers in his hands. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Tell me Marshall, which one of you is gonna wear the dress?"
The emotional change dissolved in hoots and racy laughter, and on top of it all you could hear Marshall shout: "Fuck you Dre, it ain't gonna be me, but I know who's gonna be the flower girl!"
Lance hit two on his speed dial and couldn't help a feeling of foreboding. He'd been sure not to let his momma know she was no longer number one in his speed dial - how was she going to react to the news she was no longer the number one person in his life? And then there was also the little matter him coming out of the closet and being involved with Eminem... He would have preferred to do this face to face, but he wasn't feeling that brave.
Distracted by his thoughts, Lance almost yipped in surprise when his mother picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Momma?"
"Oh hello James! I haven't heard from you for so long, is everything okay?"
"I'm sorry momma, I was on a trip..."
"A trip? Not another road trip with the boys, I hope."
"No, I was in the Caribbean..."
"James Lance! You left the country without telling me first! How could you?" Lance gulped. He'd never thought his mother was that much of a control freak. Feeling alarmed and horrified in advance, he was just about to launch into a series of apologies and explanations when his mother's clear, amused laughter reached his ear.
"You know I'm just kidding, Lance! You're a grown man with a life of your own, I don't expect you to report to me about everything. A mother just likes to know what's going on in her son's life..." Lance felt a pang of guilt for the wistful note he could hear in her voice. Maybe he'd been too wrapped in his feelings for Marshall lately, not to mention wrapped around Marshall...no! No naughty thoughts when he was on the phone with his mother! He quickly backtracked to the topic of discussion.
"I'm sorry momma, I really am. That's actually why I'm calling you..." Okay, maybe that sounded bad; since when did a boy need a reason to call his momma? Another silvery peal of laughter absolved him, though.
"You're forgiven, baby boy! Now, tell your momma everything."
Okay, maybe not everything, but most of it. He could do it. For Marshall if not for himself. "You see, momma, I've met someone special-"
"Ooh, who's the lucky boy? Or lucky girl, always keep your options open honey, don't fall for the label talk."
"It's a man, momma-"
"Are you happy with him, baby? Does he treat you with love and respect?" This seemed to be the decisive factor.
"Yes, momma, I've never been happier. He's a wonderful man, intelligent and strong and loving-"
"Oh, that's good to hear, love. Now, tell me all about him! Where did you two meet?"
Okay, it was time for the heavily edited version. "He's a few year older than I am, and he has a little daughter from his previous marriage..."
Diane Bass let out a delighted little sound. Another grandchild! Wearing a beatific smile, she settled down to listen his twenty-three-year-old son gush about his boyfriend.
Marshall frowned at the notepad in front of him. His choices were pretty slim. He snorted at his unintended pun. 'Okay, stand-up comedian is out. Not that I ever thought it'd be my true calling - too much room for screwing up.'
The list was dauntingly short. He could produce other people's music, but who'd want to use him? He did have the guys and Dre, though.
The correspondence courses he'd been taking weren't useful now. Yeah, he could quote F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ezra Pound, but that didn't bring him any closer to a career. Other than as a performing monkey, maybe.
He could always start writing. He wrote his own lyrics, weren't those poems of a sort? Now maybe he could also write something less dark and twisted and more like the way he truly felt nowadays, without being told it wouldn't sell. And hey, if he was desperate enough he could write an autobiography! So what if he wasn't even thirty, hadn't Britney Spears written hers, and she wasn't even twenty yet. And he was SO not comparing himself to Britney Spears.
It wasn't that he was short on money; he had enough savings to live off comfortably for the rest of his life. Money was not the issue, his feeling of self-worth was. He wasn't even thirty years old, he couldn't just pack his bags and retire. He needed to work, if only to feel useful and to retain his sanity. Lazing about was wonderful, yes, but he'd go nuts after a few weeks. Especially if it was forced on him like he feared would happen.
His fans liked him because he was so controversial, rude, and provocative. He was known to be reckless and violent, even mentally unbalanced. Sure, coming out would be very controversial, but not in the way they wanted him to be. And if he stopped being what and who they wanted him to be, they'd dump him like last month's trash. Bye-bye fans, bye-bye career.
On the other hand, he'd be free again. Well, as free as an international celebrity could ever be, but he wouldn't have to live up to anyone's expectations but his own and those of the people he cared about; Dre and the guys, a few other friends, but most importantly Lance and Hailie. Speaking of Hailie...
Marshall wondered again if there was a possibility he might lose visitation rights over this, and came to the same conclusion as before. It couldn't happen, because this was nothing compared to some of the times he'd really fucked up in the past. He hadn't even done anything wrong now. If things started looking really bad, he could always cry discrimination.
Not so long ago he would have hesitated, but things had changed. Lance was one of the major differences. Surprisingly enough, things with the bit- Kim had also changed for the better. There had been no screaming fights over visits, no lawsuits. It had been almost eerily calm lately, and Marshall didn't feel like asking for trouble by initiating contact unnecessarily.
"Hey baby."
Lance rolled over in the bed, curling into the warm spot his body had created there. "Hey."
"Sorry I woke you."
"That's okay, I didn't mean to take a long nap anyway, and I'm always glad to hear your voice."
"So how did it go?"
"Fine, eventually. I think they were a little shocked, but they're behind me one hundred per cent. What about you?"
"Same thing really, shocked but totally supportive. I hope they realize how much this is going to affect their lives too."
"I'm sure they do, they're not stupid by a long shot. They know what they're facing and they're doing it anyway, and that shows how great friends they really are."
"Yeah...do you ever think it's weird that you have, like, four brothers, and I have five?"
"It's been a fact of life for so long I can hardly remember when it wasn't. So no, I don't think it's weird, I just consider us very, very blessed."
"Sappy, but true."
"I called my mother, by the way."
"...oh. How is she?"
"Fine. Especially after I caught her up with the recent events of my life."
"Such as?"
"Now don't be coy, hon! I decided that she needed to know that her son is in love with a wonderful man. And that they're coming out in a few weeks or so."
"How did she react?"
"First she gave me a scare, but she's really fine with it. Ecstatic, even; hearing about Hailie was just the icing on the cake."
"She's going to love having an adoring grandmother. She'll adore her, right?"
"Don't be silly, love, of course she will! There's no way she could resist the little princess. So, thanks to her, my mother is well on her way to loving you too. Not that she won't love you just for you..."
"I'm not so sure. I mean, my image is so horrible, she could hate without ever knowing the real me. I don't want to cause problems..."
"I'm in love with a silly man. My mother is going to cry."
"..."
"She. Will. Not. Hate. You. She'd take my word for it and give you the benefit of doubt even if she disliked you. She might not approve of all the things you've said and done, but she knows you're not really like that, not anymore anyway. So stop worrying!"
"Okay. Sorry, I just...worry."
"I know, but you don't have to. Not when I'm here to do it for you."
"Hey! I don't think it's supposed to work like that."
"I was kidding. That's how it's supposed to work. You worry and I joke until you relax. You worry and I reassure you. You worry and I deep-throat your cock and hum while fingering you. Does that sound right?"
"I, uh, yes! You can tell me more, you know. Please?"
"As you wish, stud..."
TBC...
Comments are greatly appreciated. Please send some to nea_1@hotmail.com if you have time. Even a short note lightens up my day and encourages to write. I take requests if I find them interesting, and I often do. Thanks for the wonderful feedback I've received so far!