Thanks to my Izzy (beta goddess!), Summy, Kor, Libby, Rob and Dan, Writie, Metra, Peter, Ryan, Andy, Myoshi, Julienne, Trish, Bethany, Jimmy, Lincoln, JT, Angel, Nyn, Cindy, Pat, Frithjof (thanks for the ideas, neighbor!) and all the other wonderful people who have graced me with their kind and helpful comments. Hell, it's to everybody who takes the time to read it! Enjoy...
Disclaimer: This story is not meant to imply anything about the true sexuality or personal lives of the celebrities mentioned. Adult (m/m) content, probably foul language, don't be illegal, stuff like that. Any likeness to people personally known to me is either purely coincidental and unintended, or devoid of malevolence.
NEEDING YOU CHAPTER 30 By Neqs
Carson chuckled in glee as he opened the door to his apartment. The historical TRL show where Eminem and Lance Bass officially came out had been aired the day before, and the response had been gratifying. Negative, positive, and rarely neutral - the attention was what was important. He had been the one to break the news to the world, and thanks to Lance's party, he had been prepared instead of being completely gob-smacked and humiliated on air.
Lance's party had been a turning point for him, in so many ways. He'd been told the biggest news of the century, and given the opportunity to unleash it. He'd also been for the first time in his life surrounded by self-declared homosexuals.
Now, Carson wasn't homophobic, far from it - he'd just had to be careful not to be associated with gays. A big part of it was his job: it was very important that Carson Daly was straight and unthreatening to teenagers, their parents, and the producers. If Carson had had some un-hetero emotions, he'd hidden them very carefully from those who must not know. If he'd indulged in some un-hetero pleasure, he'd done it very, very privately, and chosen his partners with utmost care. He'd built a very high wall between his private life and his public role. Since Lance's party, though...
Carson had always prided himself in his instinct for trends. He knew what and who would be popular next month; he knew what and who would stay popular instead of fading away, either forgotten or scorned and ridiculed. All in all, he had a nose for trends that were there to stay. He'd been stunned to realize that thanks to the huge wave of celebrities coming out of the closet, being gay was actually very fashionable. It was IN to be gay, for God's sake! Gotta love Hollywood.
So, while Carson wasn't ready to become the next poster boy for gay entertainment people, he felt it safe to crack the door of his closet open just a little bit wider. After all, he needed more light to be able to see the brown-eyed beauty who'd swiftly stolen into his life, bed, and thoughts. Carson was still hesitant about opening his heart to this increasingly familiar stranger, but his wariness sprung from his insecurities and personal fears, rather than from fear of exposure.
Yep, just he and his inferiority complex. Everybody had them, right? Luckily, or sometimes not so luckily, when you want something badly enough, you tend to forget about everything else. So even though the lithe, brown-eyed beauty he'd met only a few days before made him see his own lacks and faults, they were pushed aside by the desire and attraction that was there as well, growing stronger minute by minute.
Even though he did feel that he was unworthy of such a wonderful creature, he also recognized that every person in love felt the same way. Shit! In love? Carson stopped humming under his breath as his inadvertent discovery froze him still and rocked him to his jaded core. Oh, fuck...
Okay, time to take stock. One, he was in love. Two, he was in love with a guy. Three, he was in love with a guy who was also a celebrity and whom he didn't deserve. Carson flopped onto the sofa and groaned, determined to stay there until he collected dust...at least that was the plan until a soft, British voice made him jump in surprise and fall on the floor in a graceless tumble and an undignified yelp.
"First of all, I love you too, crazy as it might sound. Second of all, so what if I am a guy? Being gay is almost fashionable these days. Third of all...I'm not that famous, just a small-time actor. Wait 'till the films comes out, though, and people might even recognize me on the street. And that rubbish about you not deserving me - don't you think that's for me to decide? I like you, all of you, including your neuroses and peculiarities. Are we clear?"
Carson was stupefied. How was he even there? Belatedly he remembered leaving an extra key on the night table, hoping...apparently, his wish had been granted. His nod was dazed, but fervent, and he beamed stupidly at the grin it sparked on the other man's face.
"Bed, now?" And the eyes and the smile and the voice and the graceful vitality that was Orlando made Carson take his hand and follow him to the bedroom. He knew nothing this good could last, but he'd take what he could get, even if it were only this moment.
'Heaven,' Lance thought when he came down from his blissful state enough to think coherently. He blinked at the ceiling for a few moments before refocusing his gaze on the smugly grinning face of his fiancé.
"Mm, morning." Sleepy and orgasm-stupid as he was, Lance could still see and enjoy the way his low morning-voice affected Marshall. Those blue eyes turned almost black, and that smooth face tightened with desire; it was absolutely delicious.
"Good morning, sleepyhead."
"I take it you're feeling better?" Marshall was, in fact, feeling so much better that at first he couldn't even remember why he should have been feeling bad.
"Better? Oh, you mean that," Marshall said with an embarrassed smile. "Yeah, that was just me, panicking. This is me, over panicking, and feeling much, much better."
"I'm glad. I would have thought that you'd know by now not to let fan mail get you down." Lance continued before Marshall could reply. "But, I know that it's different now, so it was understandable that you got upset. Just keep it in perspective, okay?"
"Okay, babe." Marshall kissed Lance's nose quickly. To Lance's irritation and puzzlement, he moved back before Lance could pull him in for a proper (or improper) kiss.
"What?"
"We're going out, that's what. I love having you all to myself, but now that we don't have to live in fear of being seen together in public and being outed, we can go out a lot more."
"I hadn't thought about that. I mean, I had, on an abstract level, but those were just dreams. Thinking about how it would feel, going to movies and necking like teenagers, or having dinner somewhere where people could see us. It still doesn't feel real," Lance mused aloud.
Marshall's eyes took on a mischievous glint that meant that he had a plan. "Then we'll just have to make it real."
Lance looked around him with a grin, almost bouncing in his seat as the lights dimmed. Careful not to spill any of his popcorn, he leaned to whisper in Marshall's ear. "This is so great, Em!"
The rapper glanced at his fiancé, mildly amused by his antics. Lance had shed his cool and calm façade for the moment, and was being absolutely adorable. Marshall mused that he hadn't seen Lance that excited in a while. The thought that something as ordinary as going to the movies together was a treat to Lance, was simultaneously gratifying and saddening.
They had been very careful not to be seen in public together, and now Marshall wondered if they'd been too careful. They'd kissed on live TV and still it had taken the media several days to believe it wasn't a prank of some kind. On the other hand, maybe it was thought that either of them would do almost anything for shock value - not a flattering idea. Besides, just a friendship between the two would have created suspicions on other parts of Marshall's image than just his sexuality.
"Yeah, it sure is," Marshall said in a low voice. He didn't want to disturb the other moviegoers or attract their attention - sure, he was out of the closet, but he still didn't like being mobbed. He just wanted to watch a movie with his fiancé and feed him popcorn, damn it! - But that wasn't only reason for his soft tone. There was something about seeing Lance here, amidst all these people, and being able to sit next to him without worrying about appearances, that made Marshall feel all warm and melting inside. He knew there was a sappy smile on his face when he slowly moved his hand to cover Lance's on the armrest. He melted a little more when Lance jumped a little at the contact and blushed. He snickered quietly when Lance rolled his eyes at himself.
Why were they behaving like a pair of teenagers on their first date? Maybe because, if you thought that a date had to be in public to be official, this actually was their first date. Music industry bashes where they had to ignore each other did not count. Lance's party had been too full of people and other motives to qualify as a date. And the times together in hotel rooms, airplanes, cabins, or beaches...wonderful as they were, they weren't official, public dates.
Feeling only mildly embarrassed and very happy, Marshall wrapped his arm around Lance's shoulders. It was Lance's turn to smile in amusement, and he gave Marshall a quick but deep kiss before snuggling in. Then the movie started and Marshall was left to contemplate on the essence of bliss and why it should not be disparaged.
They were laughing when they stumbled out of the movie theater, comparing the movie with their favorite Bond movies, and cracking jokes about the bad guys and the Bond girls. For all their cliché and blatant heterosexuality, Bond movies were entertaining and an essential part of a person's general education.
"You hungry?" Lance asked.
"Starving," Marshall replied with a grin and a flash of blue eyes over his shades. "How about Chinese?"
"I'm always ready for Chinese food. You do know that it's not the same stuff that they eat in China, right?"
"It's not? Their loss. Come on, there's a great place just up a few blocks."
The restaurant was small and classy, and they had no trouble getting a quiet table at the back. They perused the menus and decided to start with some spring rolls. They ate with relish, and Lance was just finishing his second one when he heard a female voice behind him. He turned and came face to face with a beautiful young woman he certainly recognized.
"Lance?"
"Kate, hey! How are you doing, you look great!"
"I'm fine, just busy with work lately. And I hear you've been busy too!" she said with a suggestive grin, wriggling her eyebrow artfully. Her gaze moved from Lance to his companion and her smile widened. "Aren't you going to introduce us, honey?"
Marshall tried not to glare at her. She was obviously Lance's friend, but pet names were pushing it. Still, what Lance said next mollified him.
"Kate, this is Marshall Mathers, the love of my life. Marshall, meet the lovely Kate Hudson." They shook hands and smiled, and Marshall warmed up to her. He glanced at Lance with a question in his eyes, and when Lance nodded his approval, Marshall asked her to join them at their table - her steaming dish of pineapple chicken was just arriving to her table nearby.
"You did a good job in Almost Famous. I love that movie," Marshall said. He trusted Lance's judgment, and if the singer could let Kate under his image shield, so could he.
"Thanks! I really enjoyed making it, the cast was great and Penny Lane was such an interesting character. And so are you," Kate commented with a little smile.
"Penny Lane and Eminem are about equally real characters. Penny is a part of you, and Eminem is one facet of me, but that's not all we are, or all they are. We need to make the distinctions unless we want our jobs to eat us alive," Marshall said in a fit of seriousness.
"And just because we're not the people we are seen to be, that doesn't mean we are fakes." Lance and Marshall shared a smile and a quick kiss that made Kate smile widely.
"Congratulations for coming out, that was really brave of you. I loved your kiss on TRL, guys. My mom even has it on tape! She's a big fan of you two."
"Thanks. Please give Goldie our best. One can never have too many supporters, right?"
"She'll be so pissed that I saw you guys and she didn't."
"I'm sure we'll bump into her sometime this week, we'll probably stay in town for a while."
"Great!" She was about to continue when a flash of reflected light the ring on Lance's finger caught her attention. "Oh my God! You didn't have that on when you were on TRL, that's for sure!"
Lance glanced at the ring and smiled ruefully. "We've been trying to keep quiet about the wedding plans. We're not keeping it secret, but we're not advertising it either. The media knows enough of us as it is! I don't usually wear the ring in public." Lance glared at Marshall affectionately. "Marshall, as you can see, isn't wearing a ring. At least, not on his finger," he added with a playful leer, making Marshall sputter and blush violently.
Kate laughed at Marshall's mortification. She delighted in watching the interaction between the two men obviously in love with each other.
They finished their meals, but were too full for dessert. When Kate left, she gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, and Marshall didn't even growl at her.
"So that was Kate Hudson, huh?"
"Yeah, isn't she a sweetheart? And she's a talented actress as well."
Marshall was pretty sure that the rumor of him and Kim getting back together was based on their meeting before the TRL appearance. The meeting had gone surprisingly well, once again. There was no screaming, no throwing things, and no bitter threats of the see-you-in-court variety. Instead, they just sat and talked over cups of coffee while watching Hailie play in the nearby children's area.
"So you're finally going to do it?" Kim had asked.
"Yeah." Marshall tried not to grin or frown, although he felt like doing both. "This is it. I wanted to give you a bit of warning, you deserve it."
"Thanks." Kim's voice was so quiet Marshall almost didn't hear it, but when he did, he smiled for real.
"No problem. Just...I don't know, trying to be decent. I need to do this, for me, and for Lance as well. But I'd hate to see it affect Hailie, you know?"
"I think I do. No matter how we feel about each other, we both want what's best for her, right?" Marshall winced and opened his mouth when Kim continued. "And she really needs her daddy to be sane and happy. I couldn't give that to you, but I guess Lance can?"
Marshall kept the eye contact, still wary, but also stunned and grateful. "He...he's really good for me," he said in a hoarse whisper, sensing the importance of the moment.
"I'm glad," Kim said and looked away, searching Hailie with her slightly moist eyes. "I don't want to fight anymore, Marshall. I don't think we'll ever be friends, but we don't have to be enemies either. Truce?" she said, offering her hand, uncertain of his reaction.
Marshall searched her eyes: he could see she was serious. "Truce," he answered, shaking her hand solemnly.
"So." Marshall looked calm and cool, and that made Lance more nervous than if he'd been scowling.
"So," he answered and surreptitiously wiped his sweaty hands on his thighs. When Marshall's eyes narrowed suspiciously, he tried to look innocent. It didn't work.
"You said yes. Just like that. Without asking me."
He had done just that. Only after agreeing had t occurred to him that Marshall might have an opinion about the subject. He'd been sweating ever since the phone call, on the verge of canceling the whole thing.
"Uh, yeah." Lance tried to keep his act together but broke under the pressure of Marshall's suspicious gaze. "I'm sorry! Please, don't be angry. I can't stand it when we fight. I'll call them and tell them we won't do it. I know I should have talked it over with you first, but I just wanted..." He lowered his face to hide his blush.
"Wanted what?" Marshall asked. Lance's head snapped up, his eyes flashing and stubborn, and his cheeks heated.
"Wanted them to see that I love you! They may bicker about a TV interview, but pictures are something more permanent, more irrefutable proof. They won't be able to miss the way I look at you, or the way you look at me. I'm sorry if you don't want that, we'll call it off."
Marshall looked at him for a minute, his face level. Then he chuckled and pulled Lance into his embrace. "We do look gorgeous together, don't we? Sorry for giving you a hard time about it, you just surprised me. Now that I think of it, I'm kind of looking forward to it."
Lance shook his head in irritation. "You're impossible, you know that? And I'm glad we're not fighting over this."
"Aww, babe, you're pretty impossible too. Scheming to put Eminem on the cover of The Advocate, huh? Well, not without his fiancé there with him!"
TBC...
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