The following story was originally written as christmas story for a german website and later was printed in my second book "Rainbow Christmas" - a collection of three christmas stories. Having too much time on my hands, I decided to try to translate it into english. So please accept my apologies if the language isn't as smooth as in stories from "real" english speakers ;-)
The story is set in Germany, so of course there are a few things unfamiliar to people from other countries. Christmas presents are given on dec. 24th, the driving age is 18, drinking age 16, there are no shops open 24/7 and so on. If at some point of this translation I think that additional explanations are necessary you'll find them within double parantheses (()).
If someone is interested in reading the original german story, it's here:
http://www.nickstories.de
Look for "Peter's Stories".
But now let's the play begin...
--*
Never saw a miracle -- part 1 of 2
Copyright 2001-2005 by Peter_Co@web.de
"Stop it! How about giving me a hand instead!"
But hoping that my little brother would really listen to me was like ... well ... hoping to find the love of my life on my very own doorstep. Nope. Lasse wouldn't stop throwing snowballs at me. Was I such a pain in the ass when I was 14, too?
Okay, let's hear the facts. You already know that my little brothers name is Lasse and that he's 14 years old, so I guess it's time to tell you something about myself. The name's Soren. Soren Pauls. Our parents had a little thing with nordic names. If at least our last name was Paulssen, but no, it only was enough for Pauls. Well, still better than Soren Meier... BTW, I'm four years older than my brother. And at least 10 years wiser ;-) I'm quite athletic with a good body -- years of handball and ballett took care of that. Of course, doing ballett I just have to be gay! I really like those prejudices... And, stupid as I am, I prove them to be true. Yes, I'm gay. And very much in the closet, with the exception of my parents. One day they simply asked me if I was. Don't know how they knew, maybe because of my well known preference for boygroups and cute boy actorsG. They took it really well, maybe because there still was my brother to take care of the next generation of the Pauls family. As I said, I'm not out to other people. But maybe I'm only fooling myself and my being gay already is common knowledge...
Back to the present. Why was I swearing at my brother? Well, I was just freeing the car from last nights snow, and Lasse had nothing better to do than throwing snowballs at me! Maybe I should be sorry to join this family vacation after all. But it was christmas, and our parents were really happy to have their oldest son with them, maybe for the last time. So I gave in -- and now I'm here. In this little village in the Alps, with lots and lots of snow and freezing temperatures. Usually I'm quite the "big city boy" and could really live without ever stepping into the countryside...
Yesterday we took the trip from our city house to the rented vacation home, reaching it only in the evening after hours and hours on the road. We were so tired, we almost immediately fell into the beds. Today, shortly after midnight, meaning around 11am, our parents threw Lasse and me out of those nice, warm, cuddly beds. After breakfest and freeing the car we all took a trip into the village. Of course I wouldn't be allowed to touch the steering wheel! Although I had a brand new drivers license, the car wasn't that much older and our dads whole pride and joy.
After a lot of work the car was free and we were on the way. A second car was still standing beside ours, under a heavy load of snow. I guess it was the car of our neighbours -- the vacation house held two appartments. Every appartment had a kitchen, bathroom, living room and bedroom. And there were two additional sleeping rooms upstairs under the roof -- one of them I shared with Lasse. The view from the windows was breathtaking, even a city guy like me had to admit this.
We hadn't meet our neighbours yet. When we fell into our beds last evening they still weren't at home -- and this morning they did leave before we woke up. We only found their trails in the snow -- trails of four or five people. Maybe I was lucky to find someone my age! But me and being lucky? Don't think so! It was like thinking that Santa himself would slide down our chimney next evening. And even Lasse did lose his faith in Santa a couple of years ago. Nope. I was quite sure that our neighbours would be someone like a group of widowed catholic quilt makers...
After driving for a few minutes we reached the village. Well, it was called a town, but I had very different ideas of what a town is. First we found a supermarket to buy a few things for our vacation -- we would stay over the holidays and new year so we needed quite a lot. After shoppinig we went to a restaurant to fill our stomachs. That wasn't easy, the dialect of the waitress was terrible and we had a few problems to communicate. But in the end everybody was happy and filled up. Later we took a walk through the snowed in village -- our parents were really happy and in a romantic mood. As a good son I at least put on a brave face, only Lasse was grumbling something about being bored into his non existinig beard. But his mood suddenly improved when our dad was remembering an important task still to do.
"Folks, we still have to look for a tree!"
Of course. Even far away from home we didn't want to give up our family tradition. We would buy a christmas tree! In the living room there was a nice chimney, and the tree would really fit there. We even brought our tree rack and a box full of decorations.
After searching for a while we found a tree sale and even a really nice tree to come home with us. A nice tree I had to carry all the way to our car! With the tree safely put into the car, our parents drove away in the direction of our house -- without Lasse and me! Because of the tree there was only one backseat available, and I was quarreling with my brother about who was going to walk home. In the end mother Pauls decided that both of us could use the little exercise of walking home...
Disgruntled I stepped through the snow and the cold, grooming my bad mood. It had started to snow, and I was quite sure that the next morning I would find the car snowed in again. Why didn't they build a garage next to the vacation house?
Of course Murphys law workes at christmas too. We just passed a bakery when the door opened and a godly creature left the store! My age, blond, spiky hair, red cheeks, flashing eyes, and that smile... I made goggle eyes, it was a wonder that they didn't fall out of their sockets. God jr. went to a parked minivan, jumped in, and the car left the scene. And I left the ground, flying through the air and landing on the hard sidewalk. Which #*+$%/& left that $/%&/( bicycle rack directly in front of my feet! One moment you're thinking about nothing bad, next moment you almost break your legs. Thank god for the snow, so the fall wasn't that hard, and my good reflexes did prevent further damage. The most damage took my pride, because Lasse of course had seen my flight and now was laughing hard enough to have tears in his eyes. Slowly I rised from the ground and decided to forget my good upbringing for a while and to take revenge. Moments later Lasse found himself deep within a snowdrift -- but I guess he wasn't that unhappy about it. At least he crawled out of it laughing and snorting.
Stop. A short explanation to avoid misunderstandings. The relationship between Lasse and me is in fact really good. Especially after moving into our own house three years ago, where both he and I have our own rooms. Before the move we had to share one room, which wasn't that easy all the time. I mean, at 14 you have some ... well ... needs to satisfy, where a nosy 10 year old brother is just a little disturbing... You know what I mean. Not to speak about all the other differences in interests. But since the move we live in a brotherly peace. With the usual exceptions of course. We trust each other and can speak about everything. Well, almost everything, there's just one small thing he doesn't know about me...
After we calmed down a bit we continued our trip back to the house. 20 minutes, almost all of them uphill. Dad would have panted for breathe, but he of course made the trip comfortable in the car. With heating and four wheel drive.
After a while we reached the house, slightly out of breath, and stepped indoors, where our mom already was waiting for us.
"Finally, there you are!"
Nice. First she condemned us to walk all the way, and now we're not fast enough for her. I really like that!
"Coffee in twenty minutes -- we're invited by our neighbours."
Doesn't sound that bad. But ... coffee with the widowed quilt makers?
Twenty minutes. Just enough time for a cigarett. I know, I know! Smoking is BAD. That's what the parental units told me often enough, and I'm already quitting. In my worst times I smoked 10, 15 cigaretts a day, now I'm down to 1 or 2. And someday I'll do without a single one, but not now.
Now if you think that I could take my little smoke session in the warm, comfortable living room -- think again. As soon as mom saw the lighter and the cigarett she ordered me to leave the house.
"You won't stink up the house!"
So back into the cold again. This time I used the backdoor, stepped out into the snow, and BAM! There. Directly. Beside. Our. Own. Car. Stood. The. Minivan. From. The. Bakery. Incident!
I mean, it just had to be the same car! Two of the same kind, with the same ski racks on the roof, in this densly populated area? No.
Slowly, forgetting the glowing cigarett in my mouth, I stepped closer to the car. A Chrysler in glaring yellow -- only a cultureless hetero could choose such a color! Gameboy games and a book on the back seat, a few ski boots and poles in the trunk. Didn't look like catholic widows, more like alpine professionals. Where did they come from?
I took a look at the license plate -- and had to survive the next shock! No, they didn't come from our city. But at least from our county!
While I was trying to sort out my thoughts about the situation, suddenly I heard a strange noise behind me. Some kind of ... rumble? And sliding too? I turned around, just in time to be hit by the mother of all roof avalanches! All the snow from the roof decided to leave the house and meet me. But the snow came not alone, I alread was within a big snow cloud when something solid hit me in the chest, I stumbled back, my head hit the car, and my consciousness took a trip into a snowy fog...
When I woke up I found myself on our living room couch. I guess I wasn't out of it for too long, I was still in my clothes and someone was trying to free me from my boots. My opening eyes were soon discovered, and my mom came into my sight.
"Soren! Thank god! How are you? Does it hurt? Tell me!"
"Heike! Let him at least wake up properly."
The voice of reason, sounding like dad. I listened into myself to find out the damage -- only a little throbing at the back of my head. And some ... burning at my nose? I lifted my head a bit -- and almost lost consciousness again! There was the godly creature from the bakery, no more than 3 meters away from me, smiling at me shyly. Was I still alive or already in paradise?
I guess I was still alive, and the voice of my dad brought me back to reality.
"Now, Soren, are you okay?"
"Yes, I guess. Only the back of my head aches. And something happened to my nose."
Dad broke out into laughing, and I looked at him questioning.
"Well, kiddo, that's what you get from your smoking! The glowing end of your cigarett hit your nose."
Sounds logical. My poor nose. I just hope it isn't a permanent damage.
"But don't worry, it's not really burnt, just a little red."
Time to feel reliefed...
"Dad, what exactly happened? I only remember a wall of snow, something hitting my chest and my head hitting the car behind me."
"So... sorry. I'm afraid that's my fault..."
God jr. talked! To me! With tilted head, extremely red face, he smiled even more shyly and embarrassed in my direction.
"I was putting christmas decorations onto the roof and was just climbing down again when the snow started sliding down the roof. Taking me with it. Unfortunately exactly where you stood -- so I hit you and threw you against our car. I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me?"
Forgive him? Well, I had to think about that over the next few days... Just kidding.
"Sure, no problem. I survived. And it wasn't intentional anyway."
Relief showed on his cute face.
"Wow, thanks. I was afraid you would hate me now."
Hate him? Never!
"Okay, guys, that's it for now. You have to lose the wet clothes, and than I'll take a look at Sorens head. Don't worry, I'm a doctor."
Who was this? Oh. I guess the dad of my snow-assassin. The assassin I still didn't know by name. Time to change that.
"Who are you? I mean, you already know my name..."
"I'm Pascal."
"And Pascal is going to his room now and gets rid of his wet clothes!"
Pascals mother was jumping in -- and for the first time since waking from my little slumber I realised, that I wasn't in our living room but in our neighbours. But wait a moment! Why are our clothes wet?
Pascals dad had seen my questioning look at my dropping wet jacket.
"You both were partially trapped under the snow for 2 or 3 minutes, thank god your heads were free. But when we brought you in, your clothes were still full of snow, which melted and now you are quite wet."
Okay, one more question.
"Is Pascal okay?"
His dad smiled.
"Yes, he's only a little shaken. Back to you: should someone help you out of your clothes?"
I don't think so. I sat up and started to undress myself. A minute later I was left with only my t-shirt, longjohns and socks. Not very elegant. Even though the heating was running, I still was shivering a little.
"Soren, as soon as Mr. Sauter took a look at your head, we'll put you into the hot tub and you'll get a pot of hot chocolate."
The motherly instincts of my mom took over. Okay, sometimes (like now) I really like to be a little pampered.
Doc Sauter took a look at my head.
"Looks okay to me. Your thick hat took most of the energy. I'll give you some aspirin and an ointment for your burned nose. Take it a little slow for the remainder of the day. If you feel dizzy, come to me!"
I promised to do so and was released from the good doctors care. My mom took me to a room I hadn't seen before with a big, wooden whirlpool in it! Hot water was steaming in it, and I was surrounded by a pleasant, cosy warmth.
"Soren, there are robes and towels. Get into the water, I'll bring you the aspirin and hot chocolate. You want some cake?"
Did I ever decline such an offer? I nodded my head. Not even thinking about my mom still being in the room, I shed my last remaining clothes and started to climb in the very inviting water. Ah... That's heaven! I leaned against the walls of the whirlpool, closed my eyes and gave a very satisfied sigh.
A small giggle from my mom got me back into reality.
"Well, actually I wanted to give you your bathing suit, but it looks like you wont need it anymore. I'll bring you the stuff, please, don't fall asleep and drown yourself!"
Closing the door noisefully behind her, she left the room.
Why would I need a bathing suit? I didn't plan on leaving the water soon. A few moments later -- I was already dreaming in the nice hot water -- I heard the door again. Seems like my cake and hot chocolate was arriving. On the walls of the whirlpool were little trays, made for exactly such situations.
"Put the cake on the tray, I'll take the hot cocolate in my hand."
"Sorry, but I've got nothing, neather cake nor hot chocolate. But if you want I'll see what I can do."
This was in no way the voice of my mother! Not even my dads or my brothers! My head bounced to the direction of the voice, my eyes popping wide open! There stood Pascal, wearing only a white robe. I guess I looked quite shocked, and Pascal was surprised.
"Didn't they tell you that I'll be with you? This whirlpool belongs to both appartments, and there is enough room in it for both of us. But if you don't like me here after what I've done to you..."
NOW I knew why my mother wanted to offer me my bathing suit!
"Ah ... well ... no ... just climb in. You must be half frozen too."
"That I am!"
Pascal took of his robe and was standing before me only in his boxerbriefs. In his skin tight boxerbriefs! I couldn't get enough of this sight. What a body! Almost no body hair visible, only a small pleasure trail into the briefs. I fought hard to not become instantly hard -- to no avail.
"Sorry, I have not bathing suit. I hope it's okay for me to wear boxers."
A loud laughing came from the door.
"Ha, bathing suit! As if! Soren was so in a hurry to get into the water, he didn't even bother to put his on -- it's still laying over there!"
Thanks, mom. Pascal gave me a questioning look and I feeled all the heat from the hot tub wandering into my head. Well, more my own blood wandering into my head. At least it vacated another part of my naked body.
Now Pascal climbed into the water, deeply sighing when sitting down. My mother brought cake and hot chocolate for both of us and put it on the trays, giving me a glas of water and an aspirin.
"I'll leave you two to yourselfs now. When you start to disintegrate in the water, climb out. Towels and robes are over there."
With this words she left the room, and Pascal gave me a cheeky grin.
"You're really wearing nothing?"
There was on way for my head to become even more red.
"I ... I just wanted to get in the water."
"It's okay. When I use the whirlpool with my siblings I also don't wear anything. Would you feel better if I was naked, too?"
I didn't manage more than a nod. Was it only a nod of approval or did I have further hopes?
"Okay."
Pascal started to work under the water, and a little later he had the boxerbriefs in his hands, throwing it into the wash bassin three meters away.
"Now we're both naked as god made us."
Yes, I was shure, HE was a godly made creature! Only a higher being could creat such perfection.
"Ah, that's much better. And, are you really okay? I'm really sorry about the accident."
"It's okay. I just hope that your decorations did stay on the roof. If not, tell me when you're climbing up again, so I can put a mile or two between us."
Pascal smiled shyly.
"I guess I deserved this. But don't worry, the stuff is still on the roof, I had it fastened already. Would have been the highlight of the event, all this stuff falling on our heads."
"On OUR heads? Surely you mean on MY head..."
"Okay, okay... I thought you forgave me."
"I did. But I'll remind you of it for the rest of your life."
For the rest of his life. I guess I only could hope so. Doing so would mean to spend the rest of his life with him together, or at least near him. Hope dies last...
"Now I'm afraid. To change the subject: where are you from?"
"Knowing your car plate only a few miles away from you. Your kind are the folks who block the parking lot of our shopping center each saturday morning."
"You're from ***?"
"Exactly. And you?"
"From cow village behind the moon. At least it feels this way. The official name is Trogersdorf."
"I know it. It's only 12 miles or so from us. We're almost neighbours!"
Pascal gave me a smile.
"Our class had a hiking day in Trogersdorf a few years ago to visit some old quarry. What a stupid way to spend a day."
"But you can swim in some of the old quarries. We spend many summer days there."
Maybe there was even a nude beach there! I guess I should take a look at it next summer. Having my driving license now, getting there wouldn't be a problem. Well, I still had no car, but this would surely change within the next few months. But now I had a few questions.
"How old are you?"
"20. Had my birthday three weeks ago."
"Only 20? I thought you were at least 2-3 years older than I."
"Is this good or bad?"
I gave him a cheeky grin.
"You can choose yourself. You're not in school anymore, I guess?"
"Yes. I'm doing my 10 months of civil service. And you? Still in school?"
"12th grade."
"Almost over."
Thank god.
While talking about this and that we ate the cake and took care of the hot chocolate. Around us the hot water was bubbling, and slowly I started to feel like a human being again.
"He, Pascal, what did you say about having siblings? And it's not your first time here?"
"I have a sister and a brother, Toni and Tonja. They're twins, 13 years old. We come here almost every year."
"Toni and Tonja? Not a very inventive choice of names, is it?"
"Don't say it loud arround our parents. They are quite proud of the names. By the way, your old folks are not really better. Soren? With a brother named Lasse?"
He had me there.
"You're still going on holiday together with your parents? At 20?"
"Yes, why not? We get along well, and I really like it here. It's so cosy and romantic."
Hm. If he says so...
"By the way, I guess you're quite familiar with the area. What about the night life here? Discos, clubs, cute girls?"
I know, I know! Me asking for cute girls! But I was a perfectionist in playing the straight role! I didn't want to risk the 10 days with Pascal by outing myself so early in our rising friendship. Who knows how he would react!
"Sorry, but this isn't a place for young folks, more for families with younger kids. If you want clubs and so on, you have to go by car or bus to the next bigger city."
"Seems like you don't miss it?"
"No, I don't. I like it a little slow and quiet sometimes. I'm not that much into dancing and clubbing or drinking myself into unconsciousness. And about the cute girls..."
"Yes?"
"Well... At the risk of you hightailing out of the water: I'm not into girls."
For the second time of the day I felt like I was hit on the head. I couldn't believe it!
"You ... you're ..."
"Gay. I guess that's the word you were looking for. Yes, I'm gay. You got a problem with it?"
"I ... I ..."
"It's okay, I understand. I'll get lost and wont bother you anymore."
With these words Pascal started to rise out of the water -- I just couldn't let this happen!"
"No! Stay! I ... I'm gay, too!"
With an unbelieving but also relieved expression on his face he sunk back into the water.
"You're serious?"
"Yes. It's just..."
Pascals face lit up.
"You never told anyone before, right?"
"Almost. I told my parents, but no one else."
"And, how did they react?"
"Cool. As you see: I'm still alive. And still living with them."
"Your brother doesn't know?"
"No, but I'll tell him soon. If he doesn't suspect it already."
"Wouldn't surprise me. When I told it my parents they already knew it for years."
"How that?"
"I guess I was a little to careless with my boywatching."
We both grinned.
"My parents simply asked me one day if I was gay. And I never could lie to them. I guess they came to their suspision the same way yours did."
"Better so than falling out of all clouds about the revelation and reacting bad, kicking you out of house and family."
"Definitely. What about the twins, do they know?"
Pascals face went red.
"More than only know. They caught me right in the act kissing my ex boyfriend, and I had quite a bit to explain. They were only 11 at this time."
"And?"
"They took it quite well. Maybe because they were still to young to really realize what it meant. It could be a bigger problem with your brother. How old is he? 13 like the twins? Or even older?"
"He's 14, and I hope you're not right. Shit. I guess I should tell him soon, before he hears it from others or finds it out himself."
Wenn man den Esel nennt, kommt er gleich gerennt. (A german saying, difficult to translate, like "If you speak about the donkey, he'll come running to you immediately.") With a loud noise the door sprung open, and my little brother jumped into the room.
"You're still in the water? If you don't get out soon you'll turn into fish."
I took a look at my watch, and really, we already were in the water for more than an hour! It was almost time for dinner.
"Mom said, you should put on your pyjamas and a robe. No sense in putting on all the day clothing, it's quite late already, and we wont leave the house anymore."
Fine with me, I had enough snow for one day!
"Pascal, your mom said that you should go to your room and dress the same. Dinner is at our appartment, we'll eat together. And now hurry up, I'm hungry!"
After telling us what to do, Lasse left the room in a cloud of complacency. He really likes to command me arround.
Now I was in a dilemma. Even though both Pascal and I were naked the whole time in the water, this water did prevent us from seeing each other. But now we had to leave this liquid cover. What will happen to me seeing Pascal naked? And how would this special part of my body react to this sight? I was extremely nervous, and my face blushed with shame. (If you didn't suspect it already: I'm still a virgin. An 18 years old virgin!)
...
Now, when you're ready with your laughing, maybe I can go on with the story! Thank you!
Of course, I had such naked situations quite offen, playing handball and taking ballett. But there always were a lot of boys, not only me and one other. Such one-on-one situations are quite new for me. Especially with one who's gay too -- and who knows about me being gay. (I know what you think: this guy is a ballett dancer, surely he knows lots of gay guys from there. Think again. There are three other guys in my group -- and all of them are 120 percent straight. Or even better actors than I am.)
But I guess I thought to much about the situation -- I often think to much.
"Okay, let's get out."
With these words Pascal stood up and with a sleek series of movements climbed out of the whirlpool -- not even giving me the time to take a closer look at his privat parts. Seconds later his body was covered with a big soft towel.
"Get a move. I promise not to look."
Could he read my mind? Well, here goes nothing. I stood up and climbed out of the whirlpool, almost falling down because of my nervousness. Quickly I turned to the towel rack, showing Pascal my naked butt. Not a good idea...
"Ouch!"
My bathing partner found it funny to assassinate me a second time on the same day. This time his wet towel found it's way on my naked behind. Not with full power, but still quite noticeable. Shocked I turned to my tormentor, totally forgetting, that this movement would show him my front side, which I had shamefully covered until this moment.
"What the f...!"
"Sorry, I couldn't resist. You have such a cute little bubble butt."
Cute little bubble butt? Should I take this as a compliment or an insult? I mean ... cute? Nice would be okay, muscular to. But cute? But I was quite sure, he meant it as a compliment. And if he did so... My thoughts raced through my head, and my blood couldn't decide where to go: into my head or into another quite important part of my body.
"Did it hurt much?"
"Well ... no. It's okay."
I just couldn't bring myself to telling him that infact it did hurt quite much. I didn't want him thinking of me as a weakling. Okay, I AM a weakling, but I'd never admit it to him.
"I see..."
His eyes wandered over my body, down to little Soren, who still was analysing the situation. But Pascals word took care of this, and all my blood shot up into my head, giving my face the color of a ripe tomato. Little Soren wasn't happy with this and shrunk back to it's normal size.
Pascal gave me a soft towel.
"Dry yourself, I'm off to my room."
Fine, now he starts commanding me arround, too. I dried myself and started to sort in my head the events of the last hours. Pascal is gay. And he knows I'm gay myself (and I still don't know where I found the courage to tell him so). He has a perfect body and a very nice personality. He called my behind a "cute bubble butt" (and a look over my shoulder showed me the red welt, which his towel left behind on this "cute bubble butt").
What did he want from me? I mean, why would such an adonis be interested in little me? I'm average, shy, inexperienced, a virgin -- what have I to offer him? Someone with his looks and personality can have every boy he wants -- I guess even some "straight guys" could fall for him. How could someone like him being single? No, couldn't be. All this raced through my head, and still, there was a little spark of hope glowing in the backmost part of my brain...
As always I lost myself in this brooding. My towel was already wet, my body dry. I put on the pyjama my brother brought me, added warm socks and a fluffy robe. I had my doubts about showing myself to strangers in this clothing. Okay, at home I often ran around this way at least til noon, but there only my family could see me. Well, at least Pascal would join me in similar cloths.
I went to our living room, expecting to find a big crowd there, but only a decked out table and my dad were awaiting me.
"There you are. You already have swim webs between your toes?"
"Haven't seen any. But where are all the others? I thought we would have a feast here."
"They'll be here in time. We decided, that the kids also will shower now before dinner and put on their pyjamas. So you two big boys won't feel that misplaced anymore."
How nice of them. At least Lasse would have to step back from his usual teasing.
"Okay. Is there something I should help with?"
"No, everything is prepared. Take a seat, I guess it will take at least half an hour. By the way, what's with your wounds?"
Good question. The aspirin took care of my headaches, and the ointment of my nose. Everything seemed to be allright.
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
"Good. You're not feeling dizzy?"
"No."
"Fine."
I wandered to a big, fluffy chair infront of the fireplace and placed myself in it. And this time my wound did hurt -- but a wound I wouldn't tell my dad about! Can you say "cute bubble butt"?
At this moment my mom came into the room, asking me exactly the same questions as my dad only minutes before. But at least she brought me a new glas of hot chocolate.
"Did dad tell you that dinner will be a little later?"
"Yes, I guess I'll survive."
"Good. And, how was it in the whirlpool with Pascal."
"Nice. But you could have warned me! I would have put on my bathing suit."
"Warning you? How? You were in the water so fast, I couldn't even start a warning. Was it sooooo bad to be naked with him?"
"No. He stripped out off his own briefs, too."
"Well, well, well... Do I have to worry?"
"Why worry?"
"You know... With you two. Together. Naked."
"Mom! Nothing happened! And I guess nothing WILL happen!"
Mom didn't have to know about Pascal being gay just now. What would she think about us if she knew?
"Okay. But he's a cutie, isn't he?"
"Mom!!!!"
"Okay, okay, okay. I'll shut up..."
By the way...
"Mom?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I think I should tell Lasse about me being gay."
"Good idea. When?"
"In the next few days."
"Finally. I think it's time. But I wouldn't be surprised if he already suspects it. He is quite smart."
That he is. Thanks for feeding my worries.
"How will he react?"
"Soren, your little brother isn't so little anymore. I don't think that you have to worry about him. I guess he'll feel more insulted because you waited so long to tell him."
Okay, this I would deserve. After all he told me anything, even when losing his virginity to his girlfried a few months ago. Imagine this! The little rascal was four years younger than I but already had what I could only dream about: sex! At least my sermons about safer sex did work out. No baby in the making -- and also the dad of his girlfriend didn't show up with a shot gun. Not yet.
"I'm in the kitchen now, shouldn't take much longer for the others to arrive."
Mom left us alone, and I took a look in the paper. Business as usual. Earthquakes, corruption, murder -- yes, it's christmas!
Bad news in the paper, a flickering warm fire in the fire place, a cosy chair, hot chocolate together with me being exhausted from the day -- what else could I do than fall to sleep?
I was awakened by someone trying to steal the paper. With a big yawn I opened my eyes.
"What do you want..."
"Sorry, I tried not to wake you. I just want the sports pages."
Again it was Pascal who made my head glowing. Falling asleep! At this time! Like a little kid. Im jumping from one embarassing situation to the next.
"Oh ... here ... take it."
"Thanks."
Pascal took the paper out of my hands and sat in a second chair, facing me. While he now was reading, I had the chance to lose myself in his sight. My mom was right. What a cutie! He was wearing a robe like me, underneath something with green arms and legs and a zipper, on his feet he had red checkered cottage shoes. Moving my eyes back to his head I realised, that he wasn't reading the paper anymore, instead he was watching me watching him!
"And? What's the verdict?"
"Ah... what?"
"Well, it looked like you were trying to rate me. What's the verdict?"
Caught again.
"On a scale from 1 to 10 ... I'd say ... 10!"
A big smile lighted up his face.
"Great!"
"Not so fast. I didn't say if 10 was the good or the bad end of the scale!"
"Not funny, kiddo."
Kiddo? Do I need to remind him that he's only a year older than I? But there was no time to take care of that, because the next moment the door sprung open and a blond tornado jumped on my lap, taking my breath away.
"Damn it, Lasse! Has nobody told you, that you're to heavy to jump on someones lap for quite a few years now?"
My little brother was grinning.
"No. And even if someone did: I don't care!"
We are quite a touchy-feely family, body contacts very common, a hug available on every corner. Lasse -- even though he likes to play the grown-up -- often seeks this bodily nearness, forgetting that this was usually considered very uncool for teenagers. Now he squeezed himself besides me in the chair, which was really nice and big for one but definitely not for two persons.
"Hi Pascal!"
"Hi Lasse."
"What about the twins, where are they?"
"They dawdle even more than your big brother."
"Worse than Soren? Impossible!"
Thanks, little bro. Was today the "Everyone-is-teasing-Soren-day"?
"Okay, you should know it best, living with him."
Only because now the twins showed up, I was spared more teasing.
"Is there something to eat?!"
"Toni! Where are your manners! We are invited!"
The little sinner tried to look ashamed, but was not very successful.
"Just a minute, I'm almost done!"
The voice of my mother from the kitchen was promising, especially since I felt my hunger rise. I kicked Lasse out of the chair, stood up and went to the table, where all the young guys were taking their places. The old folks went to the kitchen to ask if my mom needed help. And surely, only a short minute later the four parental units came in, carrying lots of plates and bowls.
I wont bore you with a description of the following orgy. Just imagine five teenagers inhaling their food at top speed and four adults having to fight to get at least a little bit of the food on their own plates. Okay, officially Pascal wasn't a teenager anymore, but he didn't forget how to eat as one!
Half an hour later the beasts were feed, leaving big holes in the food supply. Slowly the mouths were able to switch from eating to talking.
"Okay, what will we do this evening?"
Interesting question. Toni was first to answer my mom.
"I'll play with the Playstation. Lasse, you're coming?"
"You brought a Playstation? Cool, I'm game!"
Two empty places at the table.
"I'll go up, reading."
Twin number two left the room -- only 6 persons left.
"And you two big boys?"
Was there a telltale twinkle in my dads eyes? I looked at Pascal.
"Playstation 1 or 2?"
"2."
"Any chance to jump in on those two?"
"Sure. We only have to put Toni and your brother in the big closet..."
"Pascal! Don't you dare! Be nice to the kids, and they'll let you play, too. And not that you hog the Playstation and don't let Toni and Lasse play!"
Who? We? We wouldn't! Never! Honestly! We are sooooo good big brothers!
It became a very nice evening, we took turns at the Playstation, drunk one or two glasses of mulled wine (Pascal and I did, Toni and Lasse only got hot chocolate) and talked about everything and nothing. With our little brothers nearby, Pascal held back with his little allusions to me, but I got the feeling, that he exchanged small looks with Toni. But maybe I was again imaging things...
Around 10pm we decided to go to bed. Next day was Christmas Eve, which meant a long and exhausting day lay ahead. Amongst other things it meant decorating the tree -- quite a ritual in our family. One I easly could live without -- but later more about this.
I went with Lasse to our bed room at the second floor, where I layd down in the soft cushions. What a relief after a long day!
But no rest for me yet, because Lasse jumped into the bed right beside me. No! Never! What do you think about me! I and my brother? Never! It's absolutely harmless! It's just that wie only had a queen size bed in the room, we had to share brotherly. And now away with the naughty thoughts!
I just opened my mouth to wish my brother a good night, when he started to talk.
"And, how do you like it here?"
Good question. I mean, I still would rather be in the big city, but this place also had it's pros. Especially a 20 year old one. Even though I still wasn't sure about the whole thing.
"It's okay."
"Only okay?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Well... I thought... with Pascal and so on... I was sure you'd like it really well now. Don't you?"
If I wasn't to tired I would stand in the bed now -- so a heart attack had to be enough as reaction. Okay, okay, it wasn't THAT serious, but still... The shock raced through my bones.
"What ... What do you mean?"
"Come on, brother of mine! I'm not as old and wise as you are, but I'm not stupid either! Since you've seen Pascal for the first time you're almost constantly drooling!"
"I ... But ..."
"Do you REALLY think that I don't know your gay?"
I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, not able to answer his question.
"Maybe you shouldn't be so obviously ogling boys. It's a wonder that Steffen hasn't realised it yet."
Ohoh. Steffen. He is one of the players in my handball team -- and what a guy! Sadly totally straight, but this didn't stop me from collecting images in my mind for some ... hm ... nightly sessions. But was I really that obvious?
"Lasse ... am I so easy to figure out?"
"Not really. Only when you have your suspicions and look carefully for the little signs. I mean, you don't have a lisp, you don't shake your butt," cute bubble butt, I have to insist! "and altogether you're quite unsuspicios. But I know you to well, you never had a girlfriend, you not even told me about anything in this direction. And that's not usual between us, is it? So I was sure that there must be something big going on. I watched, I thought and I came to my conclusions."
I sighed.
"It's true, you're gay, aren't you?"
To deny it would be an insult to my brother.
"Yes, I'm gay. And, what do you think about it?"
"What should I think about it?"
"Do you have a problem with a gay big brother?"
Lasse smiled.
"No, not really. As long as you don't start to wear make up and womens clothes -- that would be a little embarrasing for me."
I could easily put his mind at rest in this case -- that's something I'd never do!
"Do mom and dad know?"
"Yes, for quite a while now."
"What! And why didn't you tell me?"
"Well... At first you were still to young to understand it, and later I was afraid of your reaction. Are you mad?"
"Yes! Not because you're gay, but because you didn't trust me. But ... you can make it up to me."
"How?"
"How about shoveling the snow for the rest of the winter?"
A job we always had to do together.
"Don't overdo it!"
Lasse grinned cheekly.
"Maybe for the reminder of the vacation".
"And january!"
"The first two weeks!"
"Deal!"
I guess I need to correct my wishing list for Santa. Maybe he could stop the snowing till january 16th.
"And, how do you like Pascal?"
That's a question I was afraid of.
"He is ... cool."
"What, only cool? Come on! You've fallen for him, didn't you?"
"Do we need to talk about this now?"
"Yes! Remember how you interrogated me about Saskia."
"Well, Saskia is your girlfriend! I'm not that far with Pascal."
"But you'd like to have him as boyfriend?"
"I..."
"Come one, be honest."
"Yes! And, are you satisfied now?"
"No. Did you make a pass at him?"
"Come on, Lasse, we know each other for only a few hours. Should I go to him and ask him to be my boyfriend? On the first day?"
"Why not? It worked with Saskia..."
"That's not my style."
"God, you think to much again. You're gay -- he is gay. You like him -- he likes you."
"Does he?"
"Sure! He was ogling you the same way as you did him. Even a blind man could see that. By the way, I guess all the others in the house have seen it too."
Great. That's something I could live without. Wait, not Pascal liking me! But not one but even two families talking about my love life? Please not! Knowing my parents, especially my mom, a big interrogation was waiting for me.
"At least you've got a good taste in boys. Catching yourself such a cutie for your first love -- not bad."
Damned!
"How do you know it's my first love?"
My brother laughed.
"Come on, I know you to well. Soren Pauls, the everlasting iron maiden..."
Okay, that's it. Lasse stepped over a border he shouldn't crossed. The next moment he found himself on the hard floor of the room. Sharing a bed had it's advantages...
"What the hell! What did I do? I've only told the truth!"
Still protesting he climbed back into the bed.
"There are a few things a little brother is only allowed to think -- not to tell. Gratulations, you found one of them!"
"You're quite sensitive..."
"You would be too if I'd make fun of your relation with Saskia."
"I'll tell Pascal what a brutal guy you are. Maybe then he wont take you anymore."
"Do this, and I'll tell Saskia about your infatuation with Jennifer Lopez."
"No! Please not! I can't stand another `am-I-not-hot-enough-for-you' argument."
"You call the shots, little brothers."
"Okay, okay, I wont tell Pascal anything."
"Good. And I guess we should try to sleep now, it's quite late. Good night. And don't steal my blanket!"
"As if I'd like to be under your blanket -- that's something for your new love to do."
I should have kicked him out of the bed again, but I was to tired to do so. I turned to the other side, closed my eyes and was asleep only minutes later...
..*