The following story was originally written as christmas story for a german website and later was printed in my second book "Rainbow Christmas" - a collection of three christmas stories. Having to much time on my hands, I decided to try to translate it into english. So please accept my apologies if the language isn't as smooth as in stories from "real" english speakers ;-)
The story is set in Germany, so of course there are a few things unfamiliar to people from other countries. Christmas presents are given on dec. 24th, the driving age is 18, drinking age 16, there are no shops open 24/7 and so on. If at some point of this translation I think that additional explanations are necessary you'll find them within double parantheses (()).
If someone is interested in reading the original german story, it's here:
http://www.nickstories.de
Look for "Peter's Stories".
But now let's the play begin...
--*
Never saw a miracle -- part 2 of 2
© 2001-2005 by Peter_Co@web.de
Waking up the next morning was a long time job. When I woke up for the first time, it was still dark outside, only the moonlight shining through the window. Lasse was softly snoring beside me. In the bed between us was a big empty space, meaning that my brother wandered off to the edge of the bed in his sleep. He's kind of a restless sleeper, moving and turning the whole night, so when we were younger he always slept in the lower part of our bunk bed to avoid him falling to deep and breaking his neck or an even more valuable part of his body. And now he again was on the edge of falling out of the bed -- this kid needs a baby crib!
What to do now? I can't let him fall out of the bed, can I? After all, I'm the nice big brother, it's my job to take care of the little one. (Thank god he didn't hear me refering to him as "the little one" g.) Okay. I took hold of Lasses body and dragged him back to the center of the bed -- and to me. Not an easy task, the little one wasn't so little anymore! Luckily he didn't resist -- on the contrary! Suddenly he turned to me, and his left arm wandered to my body!
"Hmpf ... Saskia ... hmmmmmm..."
Now that's what I call a mix-up! Hastily, before Lasse could get a real hold of me, I retreated to the edge of my half of the bed. Thank god he didn't follow me, grabbing a pillow instead and starting to hug it. I didn't need to see THIS! Hoping he wouldn't start getting pushy again I tried to fall asleep again, the noises from Lasses part of the bed making this a little difficult. I put my own pillow over my ears, and finally I managed to fall asleep again.
When I was waking up for the second time it wasn't dark anymore and I caught Lasse putting his a little wet looking pyjama pants over the heating. He was wearing only a t-shirt and boxer shorts. I started to laugh.
"Haha, did little Lasse have an accident? I didn't now you're still a bedwetter!"
Of course I knew that his little accident had nothing to do with bedwetting, but I wanted to let him an easy way out of the situation.
"I didn't wet the bed! I had a wet..."
At this moment he realised what he started to confess. Nice to see that blushing seems to run in the family and wasn't only a special treat of mine.
"Idiot!"
"Hold back a little, or I'll tell Saskia that you made a pass at me tonight! At your very own brother!"
"I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"So you confess!"
"What?"
"You just said `Yes!'"
"You tricked me!"
"I did, and it was a pleasure! By the way, it's true."
"I don't believe you."
"You really can believe me. You were almost falling out of the bed and I dragged you back in. You didn't wake up, but you turned to me and started to feel me up."
"Shit!"
"Come on, it's not THAT bad. And you talked in your sleep, saying `Saskia' again and again."
"How embarrassing."
"Ha, not only for you! What about me? I didn't know what's happening to me!"
"How far did I go?"
"I made a hasty retreat and you grabbed your pillow instead. And I had to hear your moaning, it was hard falling asleep again."
"No shit?"
"No, honestly. Must have been a great dream..."
Now he started to grin shyly."
"No comment..."
Sometimes it's enough to say nothing at all...
"Thank god you at least were awake. If you were at sleep too, maybe you would have dreamt of Pascal feeling you up."
What a nice idea, that's what wet dreams for me are made of. But it was almost 8am, time to get up and start the day.
"Did you hear if someone's awake already?"
"There were noises from the kitchen, at least mom is awake."
"The bathroom is free?"
"It was when I was downstairs washing my pants."
"Then I'll get up. You do know what's in store for us today, don't you?"
"Don't remind me..."
"Ostrich tactics won't help us."
"I know, I know, but let's pretend just for a few more minutes."
"If you want... I'm off to the bathroom."
With these words I sat up, put my feet in my flushy slippers and left the bed. In the bathroom I did what there is to do in the morning, than I returned to our room, taking care of my poor burned nose. Luckily it didn't show much of it's little encounter with the burning cigarette anymore. After that I did put on my clothes, without the long underwear this time, we wouldn't leave the house, so casual wear it is. At least for now. Later, for the distribution of the christmas presents, I wouldn't have a chance to avoid a more festive clothing. That's one part of our familys christmas rituals neither Lasse nor I like.
When I was ready to face the day I wandered to the breakfast table. Not a problem to find it, I just had to follow the coffee smell.
"Good morning."
"Morning Soren. Slept well?"
"It was okay."
"What? Only okay?"
Motherly inquisition, already starting in the early morning hours. If I was a mean big brother I'd tell about Lasses bed adventures, but of course I'm not a mean big brother. At least not at christmas time!
"It was a little short. Tell me again why we have to get out of bed at this unholy hour -- in our holidays!"
"You know that we have a lot of things to do today. You can sleep in tomorrow."
"I hope so. Where are dad and Lasse?"
"In the living room, preaparing the tree. Go and get them, breakfast is ready."
That's what I call good news! No, not the preparation of the tree but the waiting food! This would delay the unavoidable for a few more minutes.
Okay, okay! You want to know what's so bad about this day, that both Lasse and I want to run away from it. It's about the christmas tree and the family rituals around it.
It's the same procedure every year, starting with our dad running from one tree seller to the next to find the very best of the bestest trees. Only our being far away from home did stop him this year. But everything else would happen as always.
In the morning of dec. 24th our dad will start the decoration of the tree by mounting it in the tree rack. I know, this doesn't sound bad, but... Our dad is a university professor and he does it with scientific meticulousness. It usually takes him up to a whole hour till the tree is standing exactly as he wants it! Only two hours more, and all the decorations are on their exactly calculated positions. All the time christmas music is playing -- I call it acoustic pollution! By the way: we all have to be there, but no one except our dad is allowed to work on the tree! Now you know why Lasse and I could think about a thousand better things to spend our time on this special day...
But back to the present and our last few minutes of reprieve. I called dad and Lasse to the breakfast table, and we started one of my favorite activities: filling my stomach!
As almost always I was the first to annihilate my food, and I started to tell my parents about last evening.
"Mom, dad... I told Lasse yesterday evening."
"What did you tell your brother?"
"Harald! What do you think, what could he have told him?"
"Oh. I get it. Finally, you did wait long enough. And, how did he react?"
"Now don't talk about me as if I wasn't here with you! How should I have reacted? I suspected it before, and seeing how Soren was all over Pascal with his eyes... He was almost undressing the poor guy. And Soren didn't tell it voluntary. If I hadn't asked him directly, I'd have to wait till I'm old and wrinkled before he'd make the first step."
"No, Lasse, I planned on telling you during the holiday. Honestly."
"As long as everything is now alright between you two, everything is good. It IS alright between you two, isn't it?"
"Yes, mom. I have no problem with Soren being gay. At least there isn't a danger of him stealing my girlfriend."
"Now that's an idea. Maybe I should think about turning a little bi?"
"Don't you dare!"
"Looks like our boys are still best friends, Heike."
"Thank god. Not like the three Weidmann sons -- they're almost constantly at war."
This was enough parental approval for me, so I decided to have my morning smoke. I left the table, grabbed my jacket and hat and left the house through the back door. Outside I took a lung full of the cold, fresh air -- before polluting it with the smoke from my cigarette. Deep in thoughts about little brothers, christmas trees, cute neighbours and so on I puffed away on my cigarette, until someone layed a hand on my left shoulder.
"I thought that the little accident yesterday had cured you from that stupid smoking..."
I looked over my shoulder -- who else than Pascal was it to disturb my musings.
"I'm working on it, but I can't stop from on day to the next. You should have seen me a few months ago..."
"Better not. I can't stand smoking. If I was interested in kissing an ashtray I could do it directly, without making a detour over someones lips. You better quit smoking, I've been told that a radical stop is the best way to do so."
Now I again had something to think about. Pascal doesn't want to kiss an ashtray, and he wants me to quit smoking. Does this mean that he wants to kiss ME -- if I stop smoking? Now not only my cigarette was smoking, my brain did too.
"And, slept well? Problems because of my attack yesterday?"
Jumping from one topic to the next. Confusing.
"Yes, thanks. I mean, yes, I've slept well. No problems from my terrible wounds."
"Fine. Show me your nose. Doesn't burn anymore?"
With these words Pascal with two fingers took hold of the mentioned part of my face.
"Ouch! What did you do this for? It wasn't hurting for hours now, and now you want to even break it?"
"Come on, don't be so sensitive. Looks good. Not only the `wound', but the whole cute little snub nose of yours."
Cute little snub nose. First the cute bubble butt, and now cute little snub nose? What part of my body will be next? Slowly, oh so slowly I got the feeling he was ... flirting with me? (I know, I'm kinda slow sometimes.)
"What are your plans for today?"
"Decorating the tree. I'm enjoying my last free minutes."
"Doesn't sound very enthusiastic."
I told Pascal about our family rituals.
"Poor guy. Our tree will be decorated by our dad. And only by him. We are not even allowed in the room."
"Praise your luck. And what you're doing now?"
"I'm going down to the village, doing a little last minute shopping. Can I bring you something? Except cigarettes of course."
"Thanks, but no. I think I'll go down myself after dinner. The shops are still open then, aren't they?"
"Yes, most of them are open at least till 2pm. What do you want to buy?"
"A little additional present for Lasse."
"Why that? You've got something to make up for?"
"Yes, a little bit. I've told him last night that I'm gay."
"And? How did he react? Come on, do I have to drag every single word out of your nose?"
"Well, if you hadn't twisted my poor nose so much, it wouldn't take that long for the words to come out!"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But tell me now, what's with your brother?"
"Everything's okay. He just wasn't to happy that I waited so long to tell him. He's right, I guess. By the way, he himself asked me about it, so I couldn't hide it anymore."
"That's good. He already suspected it? Why?"
Should I tell him, in all the glory (or dirty) details? Why not. Pascal wasn't very reserved himself about it.
"Because of all my greedy looks at you."
A big grin showed up on his face.
"And he said that you had the same greedy looks in my direction..."
Pascals face became serious.
"And what if I did?"
I was still thinking about a good answer when we heard a loud honk from the parking place.
"Sorry, I have to run."
With these words Pascal pressed his lips on my left cheek, smiled at me and run to the minivan -- leaving me behind in confusion. But I guess the time for confusion was over -- after this kiss there wasn't much left to misinterpret.
Deep in thoughts I got rid of the cigarette stub and went back into the house, where the usual christmas horror was waiting for me. What's the time? Almost 9am. Everything was ready to start the torture. Mom put the christmas cds in the player and dad the tools and the decorations on the table.
"Okay, boys, it's time to decorate the tree! And what a nice one it is this year!"
He was right, it really was a nice tree, but I guess I'd like it better in the wood. Now dad started the carving so the tree would fit into the rack -- and than the hourlong procedure of raising the tree began. A little twist of the control knob here, adding a small wooden chip there, everything to have the tree standing in a perfect 90 degrees angle. Dad wouldn't need a spirit level, that's something he has in his blood. Everytime we thought the tree was standing perfectly, he again had a little complaining and a little more work to do. But then he was satisfied, and I took a confused look at my watch. Only 30 minutes? That's absolutely impossible! I turned to mom, but she was at least as surprised as I was.
Dad laughed.
"Do you really think I didn't realise how my nitpicking got on your nerves? I may be old, but I'm not that senile! I guess I overdid it a bit in the last years. But as longer as it took, as longer we all were together as a family, and I love this. But I'm not resistent to learning, so this year we'll change the tradition a bit. I'll go and bring a bottle of wine for your mother and me, and you boys can start to decorate the tree. But please, please be careful with the little lamps and the glass balls!"
He left the room to get the wine, leaving us three in complete confusion and surprise. Especially Lasse and I were almost shocked to our bones. Our one and only qualification in tree decorating until today was to serve dad the decorations which he then put on the tree. Of course in the correct order! We were never allowed to touch the tree -- and now we should be the ones decorating it? Could it get any better? Maybe with a better choice of music in the cd player, but what the hell. Under this conditions even "Silent night" was acceptable!
Carefully we started to put lamp after lamp on the tree. We must not do ANYTHING wrong! Or worse destroy something. But everything went well, and dad, who was back with the wine, sat on the couch together with mom and looked quite satisfied with our work. Mom smiled happily.
Now little colorful glass balls, figures, chocolate rings and silver tinsel followed the lamps, and while we did this we talked about our plans for the day.
"Coffee and handing out the presents we'll do alone, but later we are invited to our neighbours. If you're okay with this. And I'd be quite surprised if Soren wasn't okay with it."
Mom grinned cheekily -- that's what I get for my honesty about my feelings for Pascal. I'm afraid that's something I'll get to hear again and again and again. But it's better to say nothing about it, hoping to change the topic. And luckily my little brother rescued me!
"I want to go down in the village after dinner, someone's coming with me?"
Everybody thought that this was a good idea, especially our parents wanted to get a few little somethings for our friendly neighbours. Maybe I should try to find something nice for Pascal...
The time was running fast, and even though our ritual of decorating the tree changed dramatically, it still took us almost three hours! But this time these three ours were very happy, filled with laughing and small talk. What a difference compared to the years before! I wonder if CNN picked up this wonderful, unexpected story of christmas wonders.
At the dinner table our next christmas tradition was waiting for us: potato salad, noodle salad and wieners. And as every year I ate as much as I could and even a little more. Which didn't go unnoticed by my mom.
"Harald, I think the boys should walk into the village -- after this dinner they've got a little weight to lose."
I looked at Lasse, who hastily swallowed the last bit of the last wiener. We grinned at each other.
"Your right. Now boys, dress up warmly and out you go! We'll meet at the department store -- you know where it is?"
We did. We may be city boys, but we're not THAT helpless. After putting on our warm winter clothes we wandered through the thick snow down to the village.
"What will you buy, Soren?"
"Don't know yet. Something nice for Pascal..."
"You want to bribe him?"
Lasse gave me a cheeky grin.
"I don't need to bribe him!"
"You think so..."
"I KNOW so."
"How?"
"He kissed me this morning."
"He did WHAT?"
"He kissed me."
"Really? On the mouth?"
"Not exactly, only on my cheek."
"And you think he wants you?"
"Seems so. I think, what else could all of this mean? How he behaves towards me. And his looks at me, even you've seen it."
"Poor guy. Of all people he has to fall for my brother..."
"Watch out! Or do you want to find yourself in a snow drift again?"
"What a threat, I'm shivering in fear. I'm not a softie like you."
"Maybe I should tell mom that you started wetting the bed again..."
"Don't you dare!"
I guess I hit a tender spot.
"You wouldn't, would you?"
"Well, it sounds quite promising at the moment."
"Okay, okay! I won't tease you anymore and you won't tell mom. Deal?"
"Deal."
During this talk we've reached the village, and I should start to think about what to get for Pascal. And of course for Lasse, too. I guess a cd would be enough for my brother, but what about Pascal? I didn't know him that good yet and had no idea what he would be happy about.
Our parents showed up and disturbed my musings. We had a short discussion and decided to split up -- I didn't want Lasse to see what I'd get for him. I wanted to surprise him.
It didn't take me long to take care of Lasses present -- a cd from a girl band he was quite a fan of. I would never understand his infatuation with these girls without any voice and talent, I guess it's just a straight thing. But as long as I don't have to listen to it...
But now I was at a dead end. What to get for Pascal? I mean, we talked quite a bit, I even knew his taste in music, but of course I didn't know which cds he already had. I'd look quite stupid giving him a cd he already owned.
I left the cd department, wandering aimlessly through the displays, waiting for an idea to show up in my mind. But it wasn't an idea hitting me, it was my brother, almost running me over.
"What's the running about, someone's following you or what?"
"No, just trying to find you."
"Why? You need some help?"
"I don't need any help, but maybe you do?"
"What?"
"You've found a present yet?"
"No... I'm still looking, but without much luck."
"Then follow me, I think I can help you."
Oh no. I knew Lasses ideas and could only hope it wouldn't end in a disaster. My brother dragged me out of the department store, not even giving me the time to zip up my jacket.
"Where are we going."
"Just wait and see. Trust me."
Trust Lasse? Wow. Not an easy task!
"Here we are!"
We were standing in front of a jewelry store. I gave my brother a disbelieving look.
"Don't you think it's to early for wedding bands?"
"Idiot. Look over there, in the left corner. What do you see there?"
Lots and lots of silver and golden necklaces with lots of different pendants.
"The necklaces? Which one do you mean exactly?"
"Those with the rings, hearts and triangels in rainbow colors."
I guess I was a little stunned, anyway, Lasse felt the need to explain it to me.
"Are you stupid or what? Pascal is gay. He even is outed. Rainbow colors are the symbol of the gay movement. You get it?"
"Okay, okay, I get it! You think I should get him a necklace? What if he doesn't like necklaces? And how much are they?"
I searched for the price tags. 15 Euro? That's okay. Not to cheap, not to expensive, price wise a good present for such an early point in our relationship. If there was one.
"Every normal gay guy loves jewelry, that's in the job description! You always wear something around your neck, too."
That's right, but I wasn't bold enough yet to make a statement with such rainbow colors.
"Let's go in, the shop will close in ten minutes."
Without giving me a chance of dropping out, Lasse dragged me into the store, where an older guy was only waiting for us, asking for our wishes. My brother took command.
"We'd like to have a necklace with rainbow pendants, like those in your window display."
"Ah yes. Would you come with me, please? I have some of them over there."
He showed us to a display at the end of the shop, where -- amongst many other necklaces -- also the rainbow colored ones hang.
"What exactly do you want? We have the necklaces in gold and silver, and as pendants we have hearts, rings and triangles."
My little brother smiled nastily.
"Gold with hearts, right, Soren?"
I thought about it and made my decision.
"No. Silver looks better, and not with hearts but with rings."
"Whatever you want. By the way, the silver ones are more popular than the gold ones."
Did the old guy even know what he was selling, what the rainbow colors stand for? Did he realise that I was gay? But what the heck, I wouldn't even see him again. The necklace was packed as a present, I payed the price and we left the shop to meet our parents again.
"And, are you happy now? Did I have a good idea or not?"
"I hope so, but we'll know it this evening."
"Now be a little more optimistic. Your loverboy will love your present."
"What about your promise not to tease me?"
"Okay, okay. You're such a mimosa. You could at least thank me for my help."
"Thank you, little brother. Honestly."
We went into the department stores cafeteria, where we would meet our old folks. The parental units where nowhere to be seen, so we took care of our hunger and thirst, watching all the other last minute shoppers and being happy to be done with our shopping list.
Some 15 minutes later our parents showed up with coffee mugs in their hands.
"Uff... What a stress. Remind me to never go in a shop again on christmas eve. Why do all the people wait for the last minute with their shopping?"
I decided to not remind dad that he himself was one of the last minute shoppers -- at least this year he had no reason to be mad at others.
"Did you buy something nice?"
"Soren bought a nice necklace for his Pascal. It's soooo cute! Of course he needed my help, without me he would have been in trouble."
Only the public place and the many potential eye witnesses saved my brother from bodily harm. But only for now...
"Lasse! Do you always have to tease your brother?"
Yes. I guess it's a little brother thing to make the big brothers life hell on earth. Mom should have known this without asking.
"Can you show us the necklace?"
"Sorry, it's already packed as a present."
"It's better this way, you know Sorens abilities in packing presents. Or better his disabilites. If he had packed it himself, it would look like a picture from Picasso. Lop-sided and scrawly."
My blood started to boil.
"Dad? Do you think that I can return things I bought here? I still have the receipt."
"I think you can. Why?"
"Because I don't know anymore why I bought an extra present for Lasse. Looks like he doesn't want it anyway. If I can return it, I can use the money to buy something nice for myself."
"No, no, no! I'm quiet already! I promise you that I'll be only nice and kind to you from now on!"
"You promised this already once today -- it didn't hold long."
"I swear it! I swear on everything what's holy to me!"
Of course I knew that there's nothing holy to Lasse, so I knew what to think about his vow. Well, okay, let's see how long he'll make it this time.
In the meantime our parents drank their coffee. Closing time was getting near, and the waiters wanted to close down the cafeteria. We left the store, and this time Lasse and I were allowed to drive in the car. Only a few minutes later we were back at our home far from home.
After getting rid of the thick winter clothes I took the paper, sat in my favourite chair at the fireplace and started reading. Our neighbours were still out, their car still missing from the parking place. The next 30 minutes I spent reading the paper, then it was time for coffee, hot chocolate, christmas cookies and fruit loaf. Slowly I remembered, why I in fact DID love christmas!
Just to forget it the very next minute. Why? Because the next family ritual was showing it's ugly face! It was tradition to wear appropriate clothing for the "handing out the presents ceremony". Meaning dark dress pants, white dress shirt, necktie or bow tie. And this me being a t-shirt and jeans guy! Not even during our vacation we could avoid this terrible dressing up. Mom told us to get dressed and be back in half an hour, and from the last years we knew not to talk back to her. It would destroy all the good christmas mood. So we silently walked up to our room, only there letting out our frustration.
"Damned. I don't think Toni and Tonja have to dress up like this. And Pascal also."
That I was quite sure about, it did look like the traditions in their family weren't that formal.
With a sigh I stripped out of my beloved jeans and stepped into the dress pants. Next came the shirt and I had a few problems closing all those stupid buttons. Lasse was a little slower, but we had enough time. Or not, thinking about those damned neckties! Wearing them only once or twice a year we never managed to get them on quickly.
Now my brother stepped into his dress pants, showing me his back. A back I was looking at with quite a few doubts, because his pants seemed to be a really tight fit! And the legs could have been a little longer, too. While I was still thinking about the wonders of growing up, Lasse turned back to me.
"Do you like looking at my butt?"
What? Oh well...
"Yes, I do!"
"For gods sake, I'm your brother! And I'm straight, keep your looks for Pascal!"
"Don't be so touchy. I'm not interested in you. Did you try on the pants at home?"
"No, why?"
I showed him the short legs of his pants.
"Shit. I could walk through a river without my pants getting wet. You think mom can do something about it? Maybe there is some fabric left in the turn up she could let out?"
To see if it was so he bend over -- a big mistake! There was a loud noise to hear, and I was quite sure what this noise was about. Lasse reached to his butt and started to swear.
"Damned! Now the pants are torn! I can't believe this!"
He was cursing and shouting for a few minutes, till he realised that I was rolling on the floor in laughter. Still wearing the good clothes of course. Lasse stopped cursing, then a smile took over on his face. The next moment he too started laughing hard.
"Oh my, the good pants!"
"What a pity!"
We still were out of control when the door sprung open and our parents showed up.
"What the hell is happening here? Soren, why are you on the floor in your good clothes! Are you nuts?"
If mom thought that this would stop us -- think again! We fought hard to get our laughing under control, but we failed miserably. Between laughters we tried to explain the situation.
"Lasses ... Lasses ..."
"What about Lasse?"
"Dad ... my ... my pants!"
"What about your pants!!!!"
"They were to small, and now they're ... torn!"
"What?!?"
Finally I managed to get my laughing under control.
"His pants are torn. The legs were to short, so he wanted to see if there was some fabric left to let out. And when he bend over, the seam on his butt burst open."
And that was it about controlling my laughter, it broke out again, shaking my whole body.
"I can't believe it. Show me, Lasse."
Obediently my brother turned his butt to our mother, and she took a look at the damage.
"Good job, Lasse, that's more than 15 centimeters. Didn't you try on the pants at home?"
"No ... hahaha ... I didn't."
"It's not funny! What do you have to wear now?"
A dangerous question, considering our dislike for the festive clothing.
"Those pants are history."
I cold almost feel the inner jubilation of my brother. Maybe I should try to bend over, too. But I didn't grow over the last year, and I didn't put on weight either. Shit.
"I'm afraid I'll have to wear my jeans..."
Oh yes, how sad he was about this. Only the crocodile tears were missing.
"But how does this look! Jeans, dress shirt and a necktie!"
"And without the dress shirt and the necktie?"
Mom sighed and gave her approval with a resigned nod. Time for me to try to get rid of that damned dress clothing to.
"Can I change back into jeans too?"
"Why? Your pants are okay, aren't they?"
"Well... Yes. But it's unfair for me having to wear that stuff, while Lasse can run around in his jeans."
Before mom could flip out, our dad jumped in.
"He's right, Heike. What will our neighbours think about this picture: one of our boys dressed up as if he was to go to his own wedding -- the other one in jeans and t-shirt?"
"I know, I know. But I like them wearing this stuff, at least once a year. They look so cute..."
What? That's why we had to wear that stupid stuff, because we looked cute in it? One reason more to get rid of it!
"Think about, they'll be together with the neighbours kids, rolling around on the carpet or the couch. The good clothes only will be crumpled."
Thank god for dad, he was a good ally. Seems like we won this fight about the "cuteness uniform".
"And they do look cute in jeans and t-shirts too, don't they?"
Argh!
"Okay, okay, I give up. Wear what you want, but please, at least clean clothes. Understood?"
With shouts of joy we agreed. Our parents weren't even out of our room when we already started to strip out of the dress clothes. Only moments later we were back in jeans and sweatshirts -- good and clean ones, we didn't want to annoy mom anymore. Why couldn't this happen years ago?
Back in comfortable clothes we went down to the living room, were our parents were waiting for us already. Mom was still frowning a little bit, but she would get over it soon. Now it was time for what I like most about christmas -- the presents! The first to get his presents was Lasse, of course, he's still the baby of the family. (Nobody would dare to call him that loud!)
We didn't bring all the presents with us, some we left at home. That's why my brother got only two presents, tearing them open with all his teenaged power. In the first package he found a nice sweatshirt, in the second a new pair of ice-skates. He'll need them this winter, with his growing the old ones would only fit him if he'd cut off his toes. There was an ice-rink in the village, so it was good that our parents brought the skates. When he started to crumble the gift wrap, an envelope showed up. Lasse opened it, found a small photo and started to jump cheering through the room. Now that's a picture to remember...
I took the photo to find out the reason for his behaviour. Okay, that explains everything. A brand new keyboard, looking at the brand one of the best on the market. Lasse was playing piano for years now, prefering the electronic version more and more. He always was hoping for a replacement of his beginner model -- now his wish became reality. I love music too, but only as a consumer. Making music myself? Forget it! With the sounds I produce on my brothers keyboard you could empty whole football stadiums within minutes!
Now it was time for me to receive my presents. They all did look kinda ... small? On the other hand my brothers smallest present was clearly the best. I started unwrapping my gifts. A sweatshirt, too, almost the same as Lasse got. The second present also was a very small package -- now I was really excited! I opened the package ... and now it was I dancing through the room in cheers!
"Looks like the kids are satisfied with their presents, Heike."
"It sure does look so!"
Why did I flip out? Well, in the package was my biggest wish, an iPod! As I said before: I DO love music! The hard drives of my G5 Mac and my iBook have some 30 gigs of mp3s on them, but it's a little difficult to take the G5 with me jogging or skating, not even the iBook was suitable for that kind of usage. This cute little gadget will take care of this problem.
When I calmed down I gave Lasse his cd, and he seemed to be quite happy about it. Next came our parents, receiving cds, dvds and books (or gift certificates, we couldn't bring all of them with us). When all presents were given out we sat down on the couch and the chairs. Quickly I got my iBook to try out my newest toy, losing myself in it doing so, not even realizing how the time went by till my dad tapped my on the shoulder.
"Can you leave your toys for a while now? The neighbours are waiting for us."
Nothing else could have stopped my playing, but neighbours means Pascal, and for him I even could resist the iPod. For a while... :-)
I grabbed the present for Pascal and followed my family to the other part of the house. The usual christmas greetings and best wishes were exchanged, then everybody found a place to sit. I ended next to Pascal in a loveseat -- what a surprise g. We sat besides each other in silence for a few minutes, then I overcame my shyness and gave him his present. He unwrapped it, opened the little box and ... broke out laughing!
I was expecting a few different reactions from him -- but surely not this! The blood rushed into my head, and knowing I made a big mistake I started to get up and leave the scene, but Pascal stopped me.
"Wait, Soren! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have laughed."
"So what. I wanted to give you a little surprise, and that's how you thank me. I guess I'm just stupid, thinking you'd like my gift."
"I'm really, really sorry! Please, give me a chance to explain my reaction."
Resigned I dropped back in the loveseat, while Pascal jumped up and ran to the table, grabbing something and bringing it back to me. Our little scene wasn't unnoticed by the others, so everyones eyes were on us now. Under those watchful eyes Pascal gave me the little package. I gave him a questioning look.
"Open it, it's my christmas present for you."
I shruged my shoulders and did as I was told -- and the next moment everything was as clear as fresh water from a mountain spring! Now I understood Pascals reaction to my present. Inside the little box glittered the same necklace I've given him! Okay, not exactly the same, this one had rainbow colored triangles instead of the rings on the one I gave Pascal, but except for that little detail it was the same model! And probably bought in the same little shop, only a short time before Lasse and I visited it.
I took the necklace from the box, showing it to the audience -- and Pascal did the same with his present. Now everyone knew the reason for his reaction, and seconds later loud laughter filled the room.
"Are you still mad on me, Soren?"
"How could I. I guess I'd reacted the same way."
"Two fools -- one idea."
I grinned.
"One of the fools was my little brother, he dragged me to the store and had the idea with that necklace."
"So I guess I should give him the present?"
"Don't you dare!"
"Can I put it on you then?"
"Gladly."
I turned a bit, giving Pascal easy access to my neck to put on the necklace. After that I did the same to him, and to be honest: the necklace suited him even more than me!
"I thought now that you're outed to your brother, this could be a suitable present. You only have to watch out around others who don't know about you, but you can put the triangles under your t-shirt. Or not wear the necklace in such situations."
I decided to take care of that problem once and forever.
"No, I won't take it off. It's time to accept who I am and to let the world know it. Most people won't even know what the necklace means, and to those wo do know I won't deny it anymore."
"Are you really sure about this? You don't have to out yourself to the whole world only because I'm that open abuot it. You're still in school and have to live with the people there."
"I know, but I can't stand all this hiding anymore. All those questions if I have a girlfriend and so on. I guess most of my friends already have their suspicions."
"Okay, it's your own decision."
"That it is."
"Well... Do you want to go for a little walk before supper? With all the snow under our feet and the stars above us..."
I didn't really want to leave the warmth of the house, but together with Pascal I'd survive the elements. It even sounded a bit romantic.
"Okay, why not."
"Good. We'll meet at the door in 10 minutes, okay? I have to change before we go, I don't want to freeze my ass off..."
I grinned.
"Me too. See you in a moment."
We told our parents of our plan, then we went changing in our rooms. I never before put on my longjohns that fast! It didn't take 10 minutes to get me back to the door. Pascal did hurry too, I didn't have to wait long for him.
"You're ready to go?"
"Yes."
Then I remembered that I forgot something -- that's the problem with getting old...
"Wait, I forgot my smokes."
"Oh no, the cigarettes stay here! You don't want to pollute the nice clear winter air with this terrible smoke. Come on, let's go! Breath deeply and enjoy the clear air, that's much healthier."
Oh no, not a health freak!
We walked down to the village in silence. Everywhere were decorations, glowing lamps, decorated trees. Together with the freshly fallen snow it was an totally romantic sight! After a while Pascal broke the silence.
"What else did you get for presents?"
Happily I told him about my great little present and lost myself in passion about it. Pascal stopped my babbling.
"Are you related to the Rockefellers or what?"
"Why?"
"It sounds quite expensive..."
"Oh, that. Well, we came into a little money a while ago."
I told him about our lottery winning two years ago.
"Oh, so you're a good catch!"
I looked into his face, and because we were under a street lamp I could see the sweet smile on it.
"So that's what you're after!"
"Sure! What else? You don't really think it was your sense of humour, your great body or your cute face what attracted me?"
"Not to forget my cute bubble butt."
"How could I forget this!"
We walked on, reaching the center of the village, admiring the decorated houses and yards. One did look like imported directly from america, with hundreds ... no ... thousands of lights all around the house and on every single tree in the yard. I wasn't sure what to think about it, it just was a little TOO kitschy.
After a few more minutes we reached the market place with the big tree in the middle. Only a few people were on the streets, I guess most sat in their warm homes, enjoying the presents. Stepping under the tree I bent my neck and watched into the air. Far above us I couldn't see a difference anymore between the stars and the lights on the tree. Pascal stepped behind me and layed his arms around me, pulling me into him. I really loved this and let myself sink back into his embrace. This way we stood for minutes, and I enjoyed the feeling of his strong arms, a feeling I've never had before, being so near to someone I was extremely attracted to. I felt Pascals warm breathing at my left ear.
"Soren?"
"Yes..."
"It wasn't empty talking a few minutes ago. I really do like you. Very much."
I turned a little bit in his embrace to see his face. There was no grin to see and no trace of his usual silliness -- he seriously stared into my eyes. And his eyes! Blue like the see, I could easily drown in them.
"Can you ... I mean ... can you see us as ... friends? Friends as in ... boyfriends? You know what I mean..."
Yes, I knew it. And I also knew my answer. I turned the last bit so we now stood facing each other and I could see directly into his eyes, his arms still holding me strongly.
"Yes. I'd like nothing better than being your boyfriend..."
The same second the words left my lips, all the seriousness left Pascals face, making room for a giant smile. He looked relieved and totally happy at the same time.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. From the bottom of my heart."
"Wow!"
Now his hands wandered up from my back to my head, pulling it to his own, and the next moment our lips met. It didn't take long for our lips to part, giving our tongues room to dance with each other. We forgot everything around us, only we two existed at this moment -- the happiest moment of my life. I couldn't believe my luck. Going to this little dump in the alps, expecting a boring family vacation, meeting this gorgeous guy and at the same time having no hopes of ever being more than just a friend to him. Then I learn that he's from our own home are, I fall in love with him like a teenager in heat, find out that he's gay too -- and now he really wants me as his boyfriend! Unbelievable! Me, Soren Pauls! He could have everyone, but he choose me. Unbelievable, but true. I mean, we're standing on the market place, under the christmas tree, hugging and kissing each other as if today was the last day of the world -- that's evidence enough, isn't it?
Sadly we soon were brought back into reality, when a nagging voice disturbed our heavenly activity.
"I can't believe this! What a perversity! In the middle of the street, under the eyes of all the people! Shame on you! Here are children around! In the past people like you were sent into the gas chambers!"
We stopped our kissing session and searched for the source of the disturbance. An old, shaggy woman with a big scowl on her face and the ugliest dog I've ever seen on a leash was shouting at us. I'm sure she'd set the dog on us -- if it wasn't only one the size of a guinea pig.
This being the first steps for me as an outed gay teenager, such situations were absolutely new to me and I didn't know how to react - but Pascal gave the old hag an icy look from the ridiculous hat on her head down to the well worn shoes.
"You're jealous? No cute young boys for you anymore, so you don't want others to be happy?"
"What ... what an impertinence! That's todays youth! In Hitlers time this wasn't possible! Then we had discipline and order!"
"Lady, next time the cover of the casket drops on your face: just lay down and don't get up again. It's better this way. For you and the rest of the world."
This put the old hag to silence. Her mouth was still opening and closing, but only her foam was dribbling from it.
"Let's go, Soren. It's time to leave for dinner."
We turned around and showed the old woman our backs, starting the long way home. After a few meters Pascal turned back to her again.
"By the way: I wish you a nice, lonely christmas."
With these words we left the market place, walking silently through the dark streets. After a while I had to ask Pascal the one question, which run through my head since the old hag started to shout.
"Do such things happen very often? Do I need to prepared to be attacked anytime?"
Pascal sighed.
"No, it's not that bad. Sometimes a few funny looks or bad words. But I never was really attacked before, neither bodily or with words. What just happened was quite heavy. Of course it was quite courageous for us to snog in the middle of the market place."
There it was again, the grin on his face and the twinkle in his eyes.
"But it was nice..."
"Good to hear that. I didn't want to `attack' you like this, but after you agreed to be my boyfriend I just couldn't hold back any longer."
"I won't complain..."
With new found enthusiasm we walked on. After a few steps Pascal grabbed my left hand.
"That's okay? Or better not?"
After the incident with that old bitch nothing could shock me anymore, so I clasped my fingers around his and didn't let them go for the whole way back home. We walked holding hands, even though we met quite a few people now -- but nobody showed any sign of detection or even malice. Maybe nobody realised that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend with all the tick winter clothing. In any way our walk home became double romantic through our holding hands.
Back at the house we first climbed up to our rooms, getting rid of the warm underwear so we wouldn't boil in our own sweat in the well heated house. I was just closing the buttons of my jeans when I heard a knock on the door, followed by Pascals head showing up in the door opening.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure, I'm done."
"Shit, I'm to late..."
"You've already seen every single part of me in full glory."
"Right, but I can't get enough of you. By the way, should we tell the others that we're a couple now?"
I didn't need much time to think it over. Even a blind man would see our changed relation with each other. No chance to hide it anymore.
"Yes."
Pascal smiled happily.
"Good. Shall we face the families?"
I nodded, and we walked down. At the door of Pascals familys living room we stopped and looked in each other eyes. Pascal again took my hand and grabbed the doorhandle with his other hand.
"Shall we?"
"Okay, let's do it. Before I get cold feet again."
Pascal turned the doorhandle, kicking the door open with such a force, that after a 180 degrees turn it collieded with the wall. This noise made sure that everyones eyes were on us, standing in the door, looking a little shyly at the audience. Talking stopped, silence hovered in the air, just to be broken again by Lasse crying out in triumph to Toni.
"I told you so! I told you that they'll return from their walk as a couple!"
Pascals little brother looked at us a little doubtfully.
"That's right? You're together now?"
We showed our intertwined hands, so everybody could see them, but Toni wasn't satisfied yet.
"That's not much of a proof."
At this moment I remembered something I'd seen earlier in the day. I looked at Pascal to get his attention, then I nodded in direction of the door beam. At first he didn't get my drift, but then a smile of understanding showed up on his face. Our faces turned to each other, our lips getting nearer and nearer, till they met in a gentle kiss. We didn't french kiss this time, and we weren't broken up by nasty shouting but by clapping hands and whistles of approval.
"I knew that the mistletoe was a good idea!"
I had to agree with Pascals dad, and after breaking up our kiss we finally went into the room, collecting the congratulations from both our families. Everybody seemed to be happy for us, some even said that they knew from the first minute that we would end as a couple. Next someone will claim that the whole holiday was a big set up!
We sat down in a loveseat, snuggling up to each other. There was a little time left before supper, so we told our families about our little walk and what happened during it. When we came to our meeting the old woman, their smiles turned into frowns, turning back into smiles after I told them how Pascal dealt with the situation. But still this was the time for a few warnings from my mother.
"Boys, that went well in the end, but it could have gone really bad. I just hope you realise that not everyone who thinks this way is only an old and weak woman. I don't want to spoil your happy day, but I think you should be a little more careful in the future."
Sadly she was right, and we promised to follow her advice. Neither Pascal nor I'd like to find ourselfs in a hospital bed only because there are some intellectual monocellulars having problems with two boys loving each other.
A little later we had a great christmas supper, followed by two bottles of champagne to celebrate not only christmas but the newest couple too. Around 8pm my brother stood up from the table.
"It's time for me to go up."
I gave him a surprised look -- it wasn't his bed time for a few more hours!
"But only if you two are okay with it."
Now I was totally lost, and Pascal wasn't any better. But the others did know what Lasse meant, showing big grins on their faces. My dad decided to enlighten us.
"Boys, we thought that maybe you want to spend a little more time together. Lasse agreed to change room with Pascal -- but only if you want it!"
I was totally astonished. Okay, I knew that my parents where okay with having a gay son, bit I'd never expected them to be THAT okay with it! I mean, they more or less pushed me to sleep with Pascal!
"Don't look so dazed, Soren. You're both old enough to know what you want and what you do. That doesn't mean that you have to have an orgy the first night together!"
I looked at Pascal, who was at least as surprised as I was by this development. We asked each other a silent question, then we nodded and gave our answer in stereo.
"Yes!"
"Okay, I'll move my stuff in Pascals old room. You'd better come with me to move your own stuff, don't even start to think that I'll do all the work!"
Both Pascal and I jumped up to give my brother a few helping hands. We climbed up the stairs, and for the first time I entered the room Pascal shared with the twins. Just to realize that it wasn't one room but actually two.
"My room is over there, this one is Tonjas and Tonis."
At this moment Lasse stepped in with his sports bag.
"Pascal, Tonja will sleep in your old room, I'll share with Toni."
Half an hour later everything was were it belonged, including Pascal, who clearly belonged in my room (and my bed!).
"Are you really sure about sharing the room and the bed with me, Soren? I don't want to push you to do something you're not ready for yet."
"A little late to ask this question, isn't it? Do you want to move all the stuff back again?"
"Sorry, you're right. I should have asked you before we actually changed the rooms."
"It's okay. If I had a problem with it I'd have told you so. I really like the idea of having you here with me. But only one thing..."
"What?"
"I really want to sleep with you ... but ... only sleep with you, nothing more. That's something I'm not ready for yet. I hope that's okay for you..."
"Why shouldn't it be okay for me?"
"Well... I mean ... I have absolutely no experience with relationships... I never had a boyfriend before. And I don't want you to be disappointed by me needing more time."
"That's it, sit down!"
With strong arms he pushed me down on the bed, then he sat down beside me, looking me deep in the eyes.
"To make a few things clear. I have absolutely no problem with you being inexperienced. It's the other way around, I'd really like to be the one who you make your first experiences with. And I'll never ever push you to do something you're not ready for! You call the shots!"
This was a big relief for me, I was a little worried about not being able to give Pascal what he wants or needs from me.
"Soren, maybe I wasn't clear enough before. I truly love you! More than I've ever loved anyone before! And I won't put this love to risk by rushing you into something."
Wow. He did really love me. Complete with everything, it was the real thing. And what about me? Did I love him the same? It was my first time falling in love so hard. Okay, I had my little crushes before, but never something that serious. And never something so real. It was enough to look at Pascal to let me shiver and stammer. Was this love? I didn't know. But if not: WHAT was love? I realised that there was only one possible answer...
"I love you too..."
The next moment we were in each others arms and would have started the next snogging session, if ... if my brother hadn't choosen exactly this moment to burst into the room.
"I forgot my pyja... Ups. Sorry guys! I didn't want to disturb you."
I guess we must be doing something wrong, always being interrupted. But this time it was for the best, we still had families waiting for us to join them again for christmas eve, so we stood up and walked down, where Toni and Tonja already had the playstation running. Seeing this my brother joined them on the floor. The adults were playing cards, inviting Pascal and me to join them. We did so and teamed up against them, very inconspicuously. Well, not THAT inconspicuously, we were found out soon and had to play fair from then on. At least almost fair...
The evening went on, and because we all could sleep in the next morning it was quite late when we decided to end the games. The younger kids were sent to bed around midnight, Pascal and I followed them a little later. Accompanied by knowing looks and "warnings" to be good boys! Aren't we always? g
Since we had two bathrooms available we could wash up and dress for bed at the same time, meeting again in my (now our) bed room. I just sat down on the bed when Pascal entered the room. I looked up to him ... and broke out laughing! My boyfriend (what a nice sound this "boyfriend" had!) gave me a surprised look.
"Why you're laughing now?"
"What ... what's THAT?"
"What?"
"What are you wearing?"
"My pyjamas?"
"Funny pyjamas..."
"Why funny? That, my dear Soren, is called an underall. A wannabee-nordman like you should know this."
Pascal was standing before me in a dark green, one piece kind of underwear with a long zipper on the front. Only head, hands and feet were not covered by it.
"This are your pyjamas?"
"Yes. Really cozy and warm."
"I didn't see you as a chilblain."
"You don't know everything about me yet. And there is another good thing about this underall."
I gave him a questioning look.
"It's not that easy for you to rape while I sleep."
Pascal turned around and showed me the totally closed back part of the garment. I had to grin.
"That's soooo not good! I guess I have to buy you some other nightwear. Maybe a nice sleepshirt -- than you'll be fully accessible for me!"
"Well, well, well... And this from the mouth of the boy who only hours ago said he wasn't ready for any hankypanky yet."
"Not YET. But this will change with time..."
"Okay, we'll speak again about my nightwear when you're ready. For now you have to live with what I have on, and I think we should try to get to sleep now. It was a long day, and I'm quite tired."
I was tired, too, so I layed down and dragged the blanket over my body. Pascal switched off the light and followed me into the bed from the other side. Now only my night light illuminated the room. It wasn't very bright -- very welcome to my tired eyes. I turned to the middle of the bed, seeing that Pascal already had done the same. We looked at each other in comfortable silence for while, than my boyfriend opened his mouth.
"Are you happy?"
"Happier than ever before. If someone had told me 48 hours ago that I would find the love of my life, I'd declared him nuts."
"The same goes for me. Maybe it's because of christmas? I mean, I had a cute boyfriend on my wish list!"
"I had one on ... yawn ... on mine too. But let's talk about this tomorrow, I'm falling asleep with open eyes."
"Okay. Can you turn off the light?"
I did so, and the room sank into darkness.
"Sleep well, Pascal."
"You too."
But this was easier said than done. Even though I was extremely tired, I still couldn't sleep. I was laying awake for a while, staring at the ceiling. The last two days were very exciting, even life changing for me. All this raced through my head and didn't allow me to come to rest. And Pascal? Was he able to sleep? I could hardly see him in the darkness, only hear his soft breathing. No snoring g. I turned back to him, seeing his body shadowy in the darkness. He was laying on his back, but his head was turned to me. I couldn't see if his eyes were open or if he was asleep. Then he started to talk to me and I was quite sure he also wasn't asleep yet.
"You also can't sleep?"
"No. So many thoughts are racing through my mind."
"Come one, snuggle up kiddy."
"Kiddy? I'm as big as you are!"
"But you're two years younger, so you're still my kiddy."
I slid over to him and bent over him -- and again our lips met. This time we weren't interrupted, so the kiss lasted for a while, but then I had to yawn and break up our tongue fight.
"Sorry, I couldn't stop it."
"No problem, if you hadn't yawned yet I'd done the same a few seconds later. You think that now we're able to fall asleep?"
"Depends..."
"On what?"
"If I'm allowed to stay this close to you, or if you send me back in my lonely half of the bed."
I couldn't see the grin on Pascals face, but I knew it was there!
"You stay exactly here in my arms, kiddy! I think I'm quite a good pillow, so let's try it."
Nice idea. I layed my head down on Pascals chest, which was slowly going up and down in the rhythm of his breathing. My right arm came to rest at his left shoulder, his left arm wandering slowly from my neck up to the back of my head, softly playing with my hair. I guess that was exactly what I needed to fall asleep, only minutes later I felt myself slowly sinking into morpheus arms. The last things I picked up were Pascal softly blowing in my hair, followed by his quiet voice.
"I love you, kiddy..."
And at this moment I realised that christmas indeed was a special time, a time full of miracles...
..*
Curtis Stigers, Never saw a miracle © 1991 Sony Tunes Inc.
Seen a light divine Seen water turn to wine Seen healing hands and walking on the water I've knelt in churches But that was all just fruitless searches For something to believe in And I thought I'd seen it all
But I never saw a miracle 'Til baby I found you I prayed I'd find my heaven Then all my prayers came true No, I never saw a miracle I was blind but now I see The miracle is the love you give to me
Seen a flower bloom And a man walk on the moon But I never seemed to find sweet inspiration Seen the stars fall from the sky And heard a newborn baby cry And felt the warmth of human kindness 'Til the tears came to my eyes
But I never saw a miracle 'Til baby I found you I prayed I'd find my heaven Then all my prayers came true No, I never saw a miracle I was blind but now I see The miracle is the love you give to me
I've never been a winner And God knows I'm a sinner But I found my salvation in you Oh, I was lost until you found me Put your loving all around me Gave me back my faith And my strength to carry on And now, baby, I believe.
But I never saw a miracle 'Til baby I found you I prayed I'd find my heaven Then all my prayers came true No, I never saw a miracle I was blind but now I see The miracle is the love you give to me The miracle is you and me...
..*
That's all, folks. Thanks for all the nice emails I got. It's only dec. 2nd, but I already wish all of you a merry christmas, filled with love and miracles...
Peter