The following story was originally written for a german website and later printed in my first book "Der Neuanfang". After I translated my story "Never saw a miracle" into english and getting lots of good feedback, I decided to translate this story, too. Some readers wrote me that I don't have to apologize for my English -- so I won't anymore g.
The story is set in Germany, so of course there are a few things unfamiliar to people from other countries. As example temperatures are given in degrees centigrade: 0 C are 32 F, minus 5 C are 23 F and so on. If there are any things you don't understand, please feel free to ask me about it. I love getting emails anyway, and I'd like to say my thankyous to all of you who already wrote me.
There are two other stories of mine published here on niftys:
"Never saw a miracle" in the gay/highschool section
and
"Different" in the gay/no-sex section
If someone is interested in reading the original german story, it's here:
http://www.nickstories.de
Look for "Peter's Stories". And if some is interested in buying my books (in german language, of course): they can be bought directly from me, even with my signature which will be worth millions when I'm a Nobel prize winner someday -- lol...
I'm sorry for the delay, but the holidays are over and I'm back to work, so I haven't that much time for the translation anymore.
But now let's the play begin^Å
--*
A new beginning -- Part 11
© 2001-2006 by Peter Conrad, Peter_Co@web.de
New day -- new luck. Wednesday. That means a full day, after school I had my weekly karate training. Sadly it fell together with Tims swim training. Why sadly? Well, I'd love to pick up my little brother from his training, using the chance to see all those hot, almost naked swimmers. The others from my karate dojo weren't half that cute. Hm. Maybe I should ask a few cute guys to join us. Ha, maybe even Philipp was interested! ... Dream on, Danny. Or better: wake up!
After the wake-up call this time I had the joyful task to throw Tim out of his bed -- and believe me, he wasn't happy about it! Soon I was sitting at the breakfast table, starting to satisfy my hunger for new energy, when Tim showed up in the kitchen still half asleep.
"Danny, I hate you! How could you dare to pull me out of my nice dream?"
"I'm the wrong guy to ask this question. Mom? How could you dare to pull me out of my nice dream?"
"Oh no, not two of this kind! It was hard enough to wake up Danny and push him to school -- and now you too, Tim?"
"Mom's right. And didn't you say that you like school?"
"Yes, but only when I'm there. I don't like getting up for school at all."
"Complain with the principal and ask him for a later start in the morning. There's nothing I or your brother could do about."
"Okay, okay, I'm quiet already."
I drank my tea, then I looked at my mother, who with shocked eyes observed how much food Tim was shoveling into his mouth. He didn't eat less than I did only minutes before.
"Mom, when do you have your date with Mrs. Moeller?"
"Half past nine."
"Does Reinhardt come?"
"Yes, he also wants to see the hellhole his son is doomed to learn in."
Oh, I guess she still was able to learn. Hellhole. She was thinking in my terms now.
I looked at my watch, time to face the day. I stood up, completed my wardrobe, went back to the kitchen, said "See you later", grabbed a fresh marmalade roll from Tims plate and left the house to the loud protests of my brother -- and the even louder laughter of my mom.
On my way to the school the memories from the day before came back to me, and of course my always pessimistic subconscious played all the dirty tricks, making me think of all the bad things which could happen. Just great. Thankfully the way to the school wasn't that long, or I would have reached the school totally depressed.
The schoolyard was empty, the doors were already open, so I saved myself from freezing and went in. The first lesson was physics, which wouldn't make me much more awake. In the lab were already a few of my fellow prisoners ... oops, sorry, I mean classmates! I greated them, and nothing was different to the time before the Matthias event. I had just sat down beside Thomas when Lisa came running into the room.
"Hi guys."
She was gasping for breath.
"Listen, that stupid Matthias broke his collarbone yesterday!"
Wow. I guess the constructional condition of our old school was better than I thought. But that wasn't all Lisa had to say.
"His parents made a big fuss. First they went to Mrs. Moeller, but she told them what really had happened. They weren't happy about this and went to the superintendent -- only to get their next rebuff."
Good old Lisa was as always a source of insider informations. Nobody knew where she got them, but she was always right. We knew of no family relations to members of the schools stuff, so I guess her knowledge was one of the big unsolved mysteries of our time.
"And where will they go know? To the secretary of education?"
My heart was beating fast. Nobody but Philipp had asked this question!
"Don't push them in this direction. Poor little Danny is already nervous enough."
"Me? Nervous? You should know me better, Thomas."
"Sorry, you're right. You're not nervous. You're just totally hysterical from fear."
"Hysterical? Fear? In contrast to you I don't have these words in my vocabulary. I might shit my pants, but I'm neither hysterical nor afraid."
"Now that you say so... It smells kinda funny here."
The now following howling was disrupted by Mr. Troeger stepping into the room in his ususal verve, this time accomponied by a very bad mood.
"Sit down, all of you! As usual, Mr. Kupfer and Mr. Thom. Daniel, didn't you make enough damage yesterday? Just hold back for once!"
I looked at him surprised. What was wrong with him today?
"Because of you my sons rugby team lost his best player!"
Troeger had a son? Didn't you need at least a little bit of energy to produce a kid? I didn't think the old slowcoach had it in him. But wait, the boy was surely adpted. And I just couldn't let this stand unanswered.
"It's not my fault that Matthias jumped the wall. Maybe he confused it with his girlfriend. Oh, wait! He doesn't have a girlfriend! I'm wondering why..."
"I ... I ... you know exactly what I mean! And now get your books, we can't waste more time!"
I looked around to find all smiling faces, and a broadly grinning Philipp gave me the victory sign. How interesting! Well, Troeger zero -- Danny one.
The remainder of the lesson went by as usual, meaning: sooooo slowly. But still everywhere were smiling faces -- this didn't improve Mr. Troegers mood. At the end of the lesson there was always quiet giggling when he turned to the blackboard. Maybe even the sleeping pill Troeger would have exploded at some point, but finally the lesson was over and he fled the room, turning the quiet giggling into loud laughter.
"Good job, Danny! A little more and old Troeger is ready for funny farm."
Hm, did I really do so much damage with so little words? No, there must have happened something else. I decided to be a little more careful with him in the future. Not because I felt sorry for him -- because I felt sorry for his potential fellow inmates at the funny farm!
The day went on as it had started. All together it didn't seem like much changed because of my forced coming out. Sure, I felt like I was watched by everyone, but there were no other reactions. Not even the teachers said a single word about the incident. Should I be happy about it -- or were we still heading for a big explosion?
But wait, I was worrying too much again. I should think more about how to conquer cute Philipp. Just kidding. I was quite happy that he accepted me as a friend. But ... on the other hand ... what if Thomas was right? Sadly my ability to read other peoples minds was not working at the moment. As always at the time when I needed it most.
During the break before the english lesson I looked out for my family, and really, I found all of them on their way to the principals office. Well, at least I found the giant Reinhardt, who towered abouve everyone in the halls. I went over and welcomed my little brother at his future personal hellhole. And even though he said he was happy to be here he really didn't look that way.
We talked for a moment, then my mom looked at her watch and urged the others to go.
"Tim, we have to go, or we'll be late. Danny, don't you have to go to your next lesson?"
And off they were. I went back to my own class room. Well, I started to go there, but I was stopped by someone grabbing my shoulder.
"He, Danny, do you know this guy?"
Now THAT was interesting! It looked like Tim caught the eye of a girl at his very first moment at his new school. And it became even better: the girl showing so much interest in my little brother was the little sister of the boy I was so much interested in! Oh the possibilities!
"Tim is my brother. Why?"
I noticed that I wasn't the only one who could get a tomato red face."
"Ah ... nothing. Thanks."
I shrugged and started to move on, but Flips sister managed to get out another question.
"Wait, please. Is your brother ... you said his name was Tim? Good. I mean, is he also ... well ... you know what I mean?"
It became better and better. Now came the big question: should I play matchmaker at Tims very first day?
"Tim is into girls, if that's what you wanted to know. I don't know what kind of girls he likes, so I don't know if you have a chance."
"What do you mean with me having a chance? I ... just leave me alone!"
I guess that said it all. If she landed with my brother -- and I with her brother -- the family relations would be very interesting. And to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if Tim and Veronika got together -- they were both anything else but ugly.
But now it was time to return to schools first purpose: learning, so I went back to my class room.
The remainder of the school day went by uneventful. Happily I noticed that Flip was more or less always around Thomas and me, but I couldn't find the real reason for it. Was he just happy to have found new friends already or was Thomas right about his interest in me?
At lunch we sat together at our usual table, only Veronika sat together with her new class mates at another one. This gave me the opportunity to inform her brother about her interest in Tim.
"He, Flip, is your sister much after the boys?"
"No, why?"
"Well, she showed quite an interest in my little brother."
"What? I thought it's his first day here today?"
"Yes, and it seemes your little sister fell in love on the first sight. When she noticed that I know him she played inquisitor with me -- but she was a little shocked to learn that Tim is my brother."
"Hm, interesting. To answer your question: she usually is quite shy and reserved when it comes to boys. She had a boyfriend once and was very much in love with him, but he betrayed her. Your brother must have made a very good first impression for her to come out of her shell this way."
"Well, I can't blame her, he made a very good first impression on me, too."
"What?"
"Let's just say that I had my eyes on him for a while before I lost my hope."
"You were hoping for your own brother?"
Oops. I realized that Flip didn't know yet that Tim as only my step brother. Time to change that, before he thinks of me as a pervert.
"Tim isn't my biological brother, only my step brother. But please forget that step, he's my brother. We know each other for only a few weeks know, and my first reaction to seeing him wasn't that different from your sisters."
"Oh, okay. But he's straigt, isn't he?"
"Yep, hopelessly straight."
"Single?"
"As far as I know: yes. Why do you ask? Wanna play matchmaker?"
"Well... I guess it would be nice for them getting together. Veronika needs a good boyfriend, after the fiasco with Frank she is very much withdrawn when it comes to boys."
Hm. I need a good boyfriend, too. But there was one more question I had to ask.
"You seem to be quite confident that getting together with Tim wouldn't end in another fiasco for your sister?"
"I guess I jugded Tim with his big brother and came to the conclusion that he isn't any danger to Veronika."
Ahem. Was I imaging things or was he flirting with me?
"But that was when I didn't know that you didn't grew up together."
"Well, I can assure you that Tim isn't a risk for your sister. He's also very shy and unsure of himself, and I guess the worst he could think of is hurting someone."
"Hm, I think I'll believe you. And what about his big brother?"
I looked at Philipp piercingly, but still I couldn't read him good enough to know what he was up to. Okay, maybe this was the time to get a little bold.
"His big brother isn't THAT shy and not THAT unsure of himself, and if necessary he is able to hurt someone. But in one aspect he is very much the same as his little brother."
"And?"
"Also the big brother is still single."
That provoced a smile from Philipp, and who knows what would have happened next, if ... well, if it wasn't time to move to our next lesson. During the rest of the school day we didn't find the time to continue our conversation, and after school I had to hurry to get to my karate training on time. I had only time for a quick goodbye. Life is cruel. But at least it looked like I was on the right way with Flip. Wait. Am I becoming an optimist for a change?
Whatever. I ran home and grabbed my bike -- oh yes, Danny, on a bike, at freezing temperatures! But it was the only way to be at the dojo on time.
The training itself was boring and painful. My thoughts were racing through my brain and I didn't manage to concentrate on the karate, giving my opponents the unusual chance to get through to me. They and our couch were quite surprised, and especially the coach wasn't very happy, almost kicking me out of the training for the day. At the end I was very glad that the training was over. My whole body was aching.
To add insult to the injury my so-called friends started to tease me when we were showering.
"He, Danny, what's wrong with you today? Did you forget everything about karate?"
"No, I think he's somewhere else with his thoughts. What's her name, Danny?"
I sighed. Just great. I hurried up, but I wasn't fast enough to avoid even more teasing. It wasn't meant evil, but still I wasn't happy about it -- and I wasn't happy about myself giving them a reason to tease me! The only good thing was, that none of them was the type of guy I would lust after. I mean, we were friends, but I never told them that I was gay -- showering together could become quite problematic. But having not dream-boy-type amongst us at least I didn't find myself in embarrassing situations.
"I think you're right, Niklas. Our karate champ is in lohooooove!"
"Now tell us, Danny! Is she blond? Brunette? Tall? Small? Older or younger?"
I sighed. They wouldn't let it go.
"Light blond, blue eyes, as tall as I, my age -- and I guess totally unsuspecting of me being interested."
"Oh, is our little Danny shy?"
"With girls you have to make the first move."
Finally I was done showering and left for the locker room. I put my clothes on and started to leave the dojo, when our coach stopped me.
"Danny, come to the office, please."
Shit, what wanted he now? I stepped into the office and got the next shock, seeing a familiar face. Before I could say something our coach talked on.
"This is Danny Thom, one of our best students, two times city champion and last years third in the Saxony championships."
I wouldn't have managed it in the state I was today.
"It's hard to believe seeing how he was stumbling around today."
I guess I deserved this.
"Danny, this is Mrs. Stein. She just moved here and will start coaching the childrens class soon."
I had to swallow and almost fell over. My dreamboys mother was a karate master! At my own dojo! Shit! I guess I now had to be even more carefull with her son.
"We already know each other. Hi Danny, nice to see you again."
"Hello Mrs. Stein."
"You know Danny already?"
"Yes, he's in my sons class at school, and I've met him yesterday."
"That's great. Danny, do you have the time to show Mrs. Stein around for a bit? I wanted to do it myself, but I have to run to the bank quickly."
That was the typical dilemma for a teenager: you are expected to never say no to such a question coming from an adult. At least if you don't want to be known as impolite. And I don't want to be known as impolite!
"Danny, it's no problem if you don't have the time, I can come back later."
Okay, that was it, there was no way for me to get out of it. Especially not with THAT adult! I didn't know what she already had heard about me, but in any case it was better to totally satisfy her in every way. Okay, not in EVERY way, but you know what I'm talking about.
"No problem."
"Thanks, Danny. Mrs. Stein, you are in good hands. I'll meet you later, I shouldn't be out longer than 45 minutes."
With these words our couch left us alone in a not very comfortable silence. Before it became even more so I decided to start my tour with Flips mother. I showed her everything in the dojo, using the time to inconspiciously hunt for a few informations.
"Will Philipp train here, too?"
"Flip? Oh no! He knows a bit about karate but isn't interested in really doing it."
Shit. What kind of mom was she that she couldn't even inspire her own son into her sport?
"But Veronika is a karateka at heart, and even Kevy wants to start soon."
Oh no! Veronika was doing karate? Should I let run Tim into such a danger -- or should I try to keep him away from her?
Twenty minutes later I had shown her everything and we went back to the office.
"Well, that was it. Do you have any questions, Mrs. Stein?"
"No, thanks, you are a good guide."
"It was my pleasure."
Not really, but that's nothing I would ever tell her.
"Does this coffee machine in the hall work?"
"Yes. Shall I bring you a cup?"
"That would be very nice. And bring one for yourself, here is some money."
I took the coins and went to the coffee machine, getting a cup of coffee for Flips mother and a cup of tea for me. Back in the office we sat down, facing each other.
"Thank you, Danny. Do you have a little more time?"
Now how could I say no?
"Sure."
"To be honest, Danny, I'm not sure what I should think about you. Since I picked up Philipp and his sister from school yesterday, my boy almost only talked about you."
Now she had my complete attention. At least she didn't beat around the bush.
"Danny this, Danny that -- so it went the whole time."
I was speechless, I didn't expect this. And where was this conversation going?
"In a quiet moment I asked Veronika what it was about you, and she told me an interesting story about a fight in the cafeteria."
Now I had to put a few things clear.
"Mrs. Stein, there never was a fight. Someone wanted to fight with me, but it never came that far. I didn't even touch him."
"Okay, maybe the word fight was a bit exaggerated. But still I'm a little confused, especially because there is one other thing I heard about you."
I already knew what would come next.
"Is it true? Are you gay, Danny?"
Now how to answer THAT loaded question! That it wasn't something she needed to know? Well, that would be my answer to anyone but the mother of the boy I was falling in love with! I guess I just had to stick with the truth.
"Yes, I'm gay."
"Good."
What? Did she just say "good"? What did she mean with that "good"? This conversation became more and more confusing.
"I don't understand..."
"That I believe you! I don't really understand it myself. Danny, my husband I are worried about Philipp."
Come on, don't let me hanging in suspense. Why were they worried? Because they were afraid that I'd try to corrupt their little boy, dragging him into the sin of homosexuality?
"Flip has changed over the last few years, and we don't know anymore how to get through to him. Oh yes, on the outside he is still open, friendly and happy, but at one point he always closes up."
Hm, hard to imagine, at least as far as I already knew him. But if his own mother said so I guess she had to be right.
"Can you imagine how happy I was yesterday when I noticed that he already had found friends at his new school? In Munich he had less and less real friends, even those who earlier were together with him almost 24/7 didn't visit often anymore. And when asked they said it wasn't because of them but because of Flip."
That was all very interesting, but I'd really like her to come to the point now.
"When my husband and I later heard more about his first day at school -- and especially more about you, Danny -- it was a kind of eye opener for us. Everything fit together at once. His closing up, his giving no real answers when we asked him what was wrong with him. His sister already had a few friends ... boyfriends, I mean ... but Philipp never brought a girlfriend home, he never even talked about having one."
Slowly the things became clearer before my inner eye. If now came next what I expected to come at least one of my hopes would become true!
"And suddenly yesterday Philipp is like a totally new boy! No faked smile anymore, only a real one! And one that didn't leave his face for the whole rest of the day. He was even looking forward to the next school day, always talking about his new friends. No, wait. Always talking about that ONE new friend. That one friend that by pure coincidence happens to be gay and is open about it. My husband and I talked half the night about this change in Philipp and are now quite sure that our oldest son is gay."
Thanks, my dear god, thank you sooooo much! There was a good chance that Mrs. Stein was right.
"What do you think, Danny? Is he gay?"
What have I done to deserve all those heavy questions? How should I answer? Yes, Mrs. Stein, I realy hope so!? Or should I tell her that I had the impression that her son was sometimes flirting with me? Or tell her what Thomas thought about Philipp? What did she expect, what did she want to hear? A confirmation, or rather a no?
"Ahem... Mrs. Stein, I really can't tell you. I mean for everything you told me there are a few possible explanations, and only one of them is that Philipp is gay."
"But you're gay yourself, Danny!"
"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can tell straights apart from gays. Life would be so much easier if I could! I don't know if such a thing as gaydar actually exists, but if it does mine doesn't work properly."
Mrs. Stein looked quite desperate, but what could I have done or said? For gods sake, I'm only 17!
"Maybe you're right, Danny, it's just ... I was so hoping that you'd be able to help us, that you could tell us something about Flip."
"Mrs. Stein, I only can tell you that I had times in my life when I was very closed up, even depressed, especially when I found out that I was different from the other boys. It took me a long time to be brave enough to tell it others -- and at the same time I felt bad because I kept it a secret to the people who loved me for such a long time."
"And, what do you think should we do know? Ask him directly about it?"
"No, I don't thinkt that this would be a good idea. At least not the direct confrontation."
"What else?"
"Mrs. Stein, how's your general relationship with Philipp? I mean, are their many secrets between you?"
"No. At least there weren't many secrets in the past, but this changed when Philipp changed a few years ago."
"I'd say that he has to deal with a really big thing and he just isn't ready to speak with you about it. This COULD be that he's gay. To directly confront him about it could do more damage than good."
She sighed.
"I know, but still, what should we do?"
"I hope I'm not too nosy, but..."
"Just ask, I'll tell you if you're too nosy."
"Well... What do you ... I mean you and your husband ... what do you think about homosexuality in general?"
"Hm, to be honest, it never played a role in our life. We never had a reason to think much about it. Until now."
"Okay, how do you react when gays are on tv? What about homosexual topics in the news or the paper? Such things I mean. Make you fun of them? Do you react in any way? Do you curse those damned perverts?"
"Danny, you have to believe me, we never said such things, we didn't even think them. Never."
"Okay."
"I can't remember a time when we talked about gays, even when we stumbled about them on the telly or so. It just wasn't important to us, and that was it. We were never interested in what other people do in their bed. As long as nobody gets hurt everything is fine with us."
That didn't sound too bad.
"Good. I guess you should be a little more attentive about those things in the future. One single thoughtless word about a gay actor for example could hurt someone who's in the same boat himself very much."
This lesson I had learned myself at the time when I still wasn't out to my mother. She often mad fun about Alfred Biolek or Hape Kerkeling ((gay german tv stars)). Not that I liked those guys, but still it hurt me very much to see my mother belittleing them for being gay. Thankfully she instantly stopped after my coming out.
"You really think we shouldn't directly ask him?"
"No, at least not yet. Didn't you say that he was totally different yesterday?"
"Yes, absolutely. He laughed, made jokes, and talked with us more than he usually did in a whole week over the last years."
And all the time he talked about me. But why? There were a few possible reasons, even if he really was gay. Of course he could have fallen for me on the first sight. (Come one, I AM allowed to dream!) On the other hand it could be that he simply was happy to be not the only gay boy in the world, I knew how much this could mean to someone who was still busy with his inner coming out.
"A change for the better? Good. In this case I'd say give him a little more time. Provided that he really is gay, his opening up could be the beginning of his coming out. Maybe he wanted to see how you'd react to one of his new friends being gay. By the way, how DID you react to this news?"
"Normal, I think. No different to any other new friend. We just were happy that he already found new friends. That one of them was gay wasn't a big topic, we just took note of it. Was this wrong?"
"Not wrong. But maybe it would have been a good time to make a few things clear to him. That you don't have problems with gays and so on. But if you didn't realize the importance of the topic until later you didn't have a reason to react."
"Hm, I see. The whole thing is much more complicated than I thought. Anyway, thank you very much for talking with me, you did really help me."
"It was my pleasure. But there is one more question I have to ask. You don't have to answer me know, but you really should think about it. Together with your husband."
"Shoot."
"Okay. What if Philipp IS gay? What do you think of it? How would you react if this evening he came out to you? Would your feelings for him change? Can you live with a gay son?"
"Heh, didn't you say that you had ONE more question?"
"I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds."
"No, no! You're totally right. We asked ourself half the night if Philipp was gay -- but we didn't ask ourself how we would react IF he was. What this would mean to all of us."
"Believe me, it isn't that easy. I mean, parents usually have expectations about their childrens lifes, and a coming out totally jumbles everything up. It was hard for my mom to learn that there won't be grand children, at least no biological ones."
"Oh my, you're right. There are so much things to think about. Say, do you think your mother would be ready to talk with my husband and me about it? If it really comes to it, I mean."
"Maybe. I'd have to ask her."
"This would be very nice..."
At this moment our coach came back, gasping for breath.
"I have ... I have to apologize! But those bank folks re-invented bureaucracy."
"No problem, Mr. Schroth. Danny was a very good host."
"Great, I'm relieved. Thank you very much, Danny, I won't keep you any longer."
I looked at my watch, and really, almost a whole hour had gone by. I said my goodbyes and got another big thankyou from Philipps mother. I almost thanked her too for the interesting informations I got, but I stopped myself in time. I guess it wouldn't be such a good idea. It was hard enough for her that her son was possibly gay, I didn't need to wake up a (justified) suspection that the one guy she asked for help was falling in love with that son of hers!
In any case it was a very interesting (and informative) afternoon, and I biked home quite satisfied with myself. I didn't even notice the cold! I guess that come from feeling warm at heart...
At home waited my worried mom -- she never liked not to know where I was, especially being late.
"Finally, there you are! Where were you, didn't your training end long ago?"
"I had to show the dojo to a new coach, and this took a while."
"You could at least have called! I was worried!"
It was like on tv. The 57th repeat of the popular movie "Mom is best". Or like in "Dinner for one": The same procedure as every year, James! I sighed.
"Mom, I'm seventeen, I'm almost ready to retire!"
"I know, I know, but you're still my son, and you know that I always worry about you."
"But you know that I'm totally able to take care of myself."
"Yes, I know. I'll try to not worry that much anymore."
I had my doubts about it. But wait, maybe this was a new chance...
"If you really want to always be able to reach me you should get me a cell phone."
"Ha, you won't give up, will you?"
Not before she gave in.
"No way, young man! I'll never understand what a teenager needs a cell phone for. To call those people he just left after being together with them for seven hours at school? That's only clever moneymaking from the cell phone companies. But not with me! If you really need to call me you have your phone card. I won't get you a cell phone, if you really want one you can buy it yourself when you're 18. Or you could by a prepaid one now, but don't come running to me complaining about the costs -- I won't give you a single cent."
It was the same as always when we talked about this topic. Well, at least I tried.
"Where are Tim and Reinhardt?"
"Reinhardt is picking up Tim from his swim training, they should show up any minute now."
Would she ask them also where they were the whole time? But I guess I should make good use of the time having her alone.
"Mom, you still remember the time when I told you that I'm gay?"
"How could I ever forget it. The one time I totally failed as a mother."
"Ah, come on, it wasn't SO bad. I mean it was a heaving thing I threw at you."
"Still I should have handled it better. You needed me, and I wasn't there for you."
"But you managed to catch yourself soon enough, and that's all what counts."
"I know, but I still feel a little guilty about it. But why do you ask this now? Did something happen? Don't tell me that Tim is planning to come out, too!"
"Would that be so terrible? But be assured, Tim's into girls."
Of course his being straight could lead to problems, too. Girls have this stupid habit to get pregnant. Okay, I was sure that Tim wasn't ready for that, but still... I didn't want to play uncle for a wailing brat. I don't have anything against children, but couldn't they be born as let's say ten-years-old? At this age they at least are a bit usuable already. NO! Not what you mean! I'm gay, but I'm no pervert! Even though some smaller and bigger sects would oppose this.
"I didn't say that, Danny. It wouldn't be terrible. But I'm a little surprised that you ask me about that time long ago."
"Do you think you would have handled my coming out better if you had someone to talk about it at this time? Maybe the mother of another gay boy?"
"Good question. But yes, I think I would. To be honest I kinda had such talks. Not on a personal level but by reading books and on the internet. Later I found out that there is a self-help group for parents of gay kids -- but I didn't need it anymore. And I don't know if I had have the courage to go there. Maybe a talk under four eyes would have been the best solution. But why do you ask?"
"There is that woman who thinks her son might be gay. She's quite confused, and her husband is confused, too. They don't know how to handle the situation. Would you by any chance be ready to talk with them?"
"Danny, that's a really big thing to ask, don't you think? Is it someone I know?"
"No, they just moved here. The son goes to my class, and his mother is the new karate coach I had to show around today."
"And you talked with her about her son? That he's possibly gay?"
"Not I talked with her -- she talked with me. She was surprised to meet me at the dojo, and one thing lead to the other. I guess I was able to help her a little, but it would be better if you talked with her. From mother to mother."
"Well, okay, I guess I have something to make up to you. But when they are so new, how did she know you already? And how did she know that you're gay?"
"Mom, I told you, her son is in my class. Of course he talked at home about the famous Matthias incident. And she already knew me because she picked him and his sister up from school."
"And know she wants to speak with me. Well, I'm not the shining example for a motherly reaction, but at least I can tell her what errors she should avoid."
"Come on, mom, don't feel guilty about this old stuff anymore. I never did blame you, who knows how I would have reacted being in your shoes."
"Okay, fine, if you say so. How can I reach this woman? You got a phone number or anything?"
"Shit! I knew that I forgot something. But I'll take care of it."
"You're getting old, son."
"Does this mean that I can now drive your car? Am I old enough now?"
"The law says you aren't. And even when you're old enough by law in a few months -- my car won't be old enough for you to drive it. But don't worry, when you have your license we'll get you a nice, old Volkswagen. One with so many dents that nobody will notice any new ones."
"Good to know what I'm worth to you. Can I at least count on a working heating?"
"We'll make sure of it."
"How generous."
"Yes!"
At this moment we heard the door opening, and shortly later my little brother and his dad joined us in the kitchen.
"Here we are."
As if someone could overlook Reinhardt.
"Hi Tim. You're dry behind the ears again?"
"Sure. And I even brought you something."
Oh wonderful! I loved little presents!
"Come on, what did you bring me?"
"A bucket of water."
Help! This little brother of mine became more self-confident with every day. Okay, in general that was good, but why had I to be the victim of his new found self-confidence?
"I thought you knew me better already. A bucket full of coal would have been nice."
"Sorry, but coal I haven't."
Meanwhile I had greeted Reinhardt, then Tim and I left the kitchen for our room. Giving the adults enough place to prepare dinner g! I was sure that Tim after his swimming was at least as hungry as I was.
The rest of the day went by as many school days do. I had "fun" with my homework, a little later we had dinner, and quite early in the evening both Tim and I were in our beds. I couldn't fall asleep so soon, so I told my unsuspecting, heart-breaking little brother that he already had turned a girls head at school. First he didn't want to believe me.
"Did you make this up or did it really happen?"
"Believe me, it happened exactly as I told you. By the way, that's the new girl I already told you about on monday. She noticed your cute little body instantly. Not that I could blame her for it..."
"Thank you, thank you, I always love to hear compliments."
And he finally even believed them. What a difference to the totally withdrawn little boy from a few weeks ago.
"And, how does she look like?"
I grinned at him in the light of his bedside lamp. His face went red, then he grinned back at me.
"Sorry, how stupid of me asking a gay boy such a question."
"Not a stupid question. I'm gay. I'm not blind."
"Okay, then shoot!"
"Hm... How can I say it. Oh yes. Veronika is for Philipp, what you are for me."
"She's his little brother?"
"Butthead! You know exactly what I mean. She's his little sister. And being cute seems to run in her family."
"That doesn't sound bad. But to be honest I don't know if I'm ready to start something with a girl already."
"That's totally your call. I just wanted to warn you, not that you're surprised tomorrow. Maybe she'll jump your bones as soon as she notices you."
"I hope she doesn't! I'm not into such offensive girls."
"Then I guess we both have to hope that she can restrain herself a bit."
"I know that I have to hope it -- but why you?"
"Well, it would be a little problematic for my chances with Flip if my little brother and his little sister would be angry at each other."
"Thanks for giving me such a big responsibility! Now I have to be a good boy with Veronika just so that you have a chance with Philipp!"
A quick look into his direction showed me that he wasn't serious. But still I had to make myself clear.
"Tim, there is only one thing I expect from you: do what YOU want to do! Please don't do something you not really want for yourself, only because you think it would be better form. Think of yourself, okay?"
"If you say so. Shall I at least try to find out if her brother is into boys?"
"Don't worry, I'm already working on it."
"Oh? And? How does it look like?"
"At least better than with you. I mean about being into boys."
"Well, good luck. I really hope you get him."
"That I hope, too. But I guess we should try to sleep, the alarm clock will ring early enough."
"Okay. Sleep well."
"You too."
It didn't take me long to fall asleep this time, I guess I was in morpheus arms even before Tim. And even though I usually forget what I dream at night, I was quite sure about what -- or better: about whom! -- I was dreaming this night. Do I need to say more?
..*
To be continued in part 12