The following story was originally written for a german website and later printed in my first book "Der Neuanfang". After I translated my story "Never saw a miracle" into english and getting lots of good feedback, I decided to translate this story, too. Some readers wrote me that I don't have to apologize for my English -- so I won't anymore g.
The story is set in Germany, so of course there are a few things unfamiliar to people from other countries. As example temperatures are given in degrees centigrade: 0 C are 32 F, minus 5 C are 23 F and so on. If there are any things you don't understand, please feel free to ask me about it. I love getting emails anyway, and I'd like to say my thankyous to all of you who already wrote me.
There are two other stories of mine published here on niftys:
"Never saw a miracle" in the gay/highschool section
and
"Different" in the gay/no-sex section
If someone is interested in reading the original german story, it's here:
http://www.nickstories.de
Look for "Peter's Stories". And if some is interested in buying my books (in german language, of course): they can be bought directly from me, even with my signature which will be worth millions when I'm a Nobel prize winner someday -- lol...
I'm sorry for the delay, but the holidays are over and I'm back to work, so I haven't that much time for the translation anymore.
But now let's the play begin...
--*
A new beginning -- Part 9
Copyright 2001-2006 by Peter Conrad, Peter_Co@web.de
The mood back in the classroom was hard to describe, a mix of subdued and cheering up. My outing didn't come as a big surprise to my class mates, with the exception of two or three everybody already knew about my being gay. And I guess even those two or three at least suspected it, even though I never told it them to their faces. The only one who didn't know about me before the Matthias incident was Philipp -- and I was very glad to see that he was one of those who smiled at me reassuringly. Of course it was the same with my inner circle of friends.
"That was great, Danny! How you made short work with this stupid idiot! I didn't knew that you were able to do it!"
Jurgen seemed to be really enthusiastic about what happened -- well, I wasn't. I had almost lost my selfcontrol. The selfcontrol I had worked on for years to establish it. Thomas was the only one who knew about the "other Danny", the one who wasn't always smiling and nice to everyone. The one who couldn't stay calm in the face of such attacks.
There was a time in my life when I was the most unstable and unfair person you could imagine. You don't believe me after getting to know me over the last few hundred pages? Thanks, I guess. But still it's the sad truth. I guess it was because from a young age on I knew so much about sickness and death. I thought that the whole world was against me -- and I treated the whole world in the same manner. And now add that I always was a bit hyper active and you get a very difficult mix. I'm still sorry about what I did to my parents and my friends at this time. Once I almost destroyed my whole room at home!
Finally one of the docs who took care of me during one of my chemo therapies had the idea which I guess saved my life. He dragged me to a karate dojo! When I was done with the chemo and my body started to work properly again he managed to convince my parents that karate lessons would be the best way for me to get rid of my hyper active energies -- and to establish selfcontrol again.
It worked. It took it's time, but during the following two or three years I became calmer and got more and more selfcontrol. I still freaked out once in while, but the times between my attacks became longer and longer, and at some point I didn't get them anymore. The time after the death of my father was another critic time in my life, and without the karate and selfcontrol lessons I guess I wouldn't have survived it.
Because all of this I know was very surprised, even shocked that I once again almost lost my temper -- and because of such a insignificant incident (insignificant in relation to the things I had to survive in the past). Thomas knew what was going on in my brain, so he dragged me into a corner and spoke quietly to me.
"You're afraid that it will start again, aren't you?"
"I don't know. Yes. I think I am. Shit."
"Don't worry to much. You didn't overreact, you didn't even touch him -- and we both know that you're more than able to put him into the hospital within seconds."
"Still I think that I shouldn't have reacted in any way."
"Wrong. You did what everyone would have done, it was a normal reaction. I know that you don't want to turn back into the Danny from the past, but don't overdo it! It's okay to lose your temper once in a while when the situation calls for it. And it's better than to always suppress your feelings. Danny, you're no superhuman! And I guess it's good for all of us to see that you're not perfect, that you're just a normal teenager. And don't worry, your gloriole didn't suffer to much."
"Well, thanks, I guess. You say that I should just forget the whole thing?"
"No. But don't overrate it, and don't see it only negative. And I promise you: if I notice that you start to turn back into the old Danny I'll take care of it in time."
"Maybe you're right, I have to think about. But thanks for being there for me."
"No problem. You've helped me so often, it's nice to be able to help YOU once. I mean ... it's not nice what happened with Matthias! You know what I mean..."
"Yes, I know, it's okay."
Meanwhile it was almost time for the next lesson to start, and we moved back to our seats. But before we had reached them it happened what I was afraid of: Mrs. Moeller stormed into the room.
"Everyone out -- except Daniel!"
I guess she was a seargent major in a former life, at least she had the commanding voice of one. Within seconds she and I were the only people left in the room. She sighed.
"Danny, Danny, what should I do with you!"
"Well, you could give me my diploma and you never have to see me again."
"It's talking like this what leads to trouble like with Matthias! Can't you think before you start talking?"
"I'm sorry, but that thing with Matthias was pure self defense. He started the trouble himself, anyway!"
"I know, I know. He provoked you first."
"He didn't only provoke me -- he exposed me infront of the whole school!"
"But why did you react? He wasn't the first to try such a thing with you, and until today you always stayed cool and let it bounce off from you. Why not today?"
"I don't know. Maybe it was a case of little strokes fell big oaks. Thomas said that it was time to fight back. I'm not proud of it, but I just couldn't stop myself this time."
"Matthias says that you threw him against the wall."
"Matthias says much when the day is long enough. Next time you ask him he'll say that the wall jumped him with intension to kill him. Everybody who watched the scene can confirm that I only took a step to the side. IF someone threw him against the wall it was he himself."
"Okay, I've heard this from all the students I've asked, I just wanted to hear your version. By the way, a doctor is just looking at Matthias. It looks like he really broke something."
"I'm sorry, but he can't expect sympathy from me."
"I can understand you. But still I'd rather not have such things going on in my school again. I already know that I'll have his parents in my office soon, and they'll complain about the violent conditions at our school."
"They are the right ones to complain! If you start a poll about which students already suffered under the violence of their son, this room wouldn't be big enough to hold all of them!"
Again the vice principal sighed.
"You don't make it easy for me. Please, promise me that you'll try to hold back in the future. Especially with your loose tongue -- you almost need a weapons license for it!"
"I promise you that I'll try, but that's all I can do for you."
"I guess I have to live with that. But now, could you please tell me why you never told me that you're gay?"
What? Did I hear that right?
"Ahm ... Mrs. Moeller ... What do you expect from me? That I come to you and say ^ÛMrs. Moeller, I'm gay! Do you happen to have a cute boyfriend for me? Or could I at least put a boyfriend-wanted sign on the bulletin board?^Ë I'm sorry, but I don't know why you have to know that I'm gay. The ones I wanted to know it already knew it before todays incident."
"You really don't know, do you?"
"Know what?"
"Are there really no rumours at this school?"
She did it, I looked at here totally confused. I didn't know anything about what she was talking about.
"What rumours?"
"I guess you really don't know. I didn't think that it's still a secret. Danny, I live with another woman."
Okay. She had managed what Matthias didn't with only a few words: she almost knocked me off my feet. And this time even without using a door!
"You ... you want to tell me ... that you're ..."
"A lesbian. If that's the word you were looking for."
That was something I had to digest first. I never thought that she was a lesbian! And there were no rumours either!
"Good, Danny, in this case forget my question why you never told me about you. You didn't know that I'm in the same boat. And Danny?"
"Yes?"
"I'd be thankfull if you don't tell anyone about me."
"No problem, you can count on me."
"Thank you. And if you face any more problems because of your being gay, just come to me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Fine. One last thing. I just spoke with your mother."
What? Did she call mom to tell her about the Matthias incident? I gave her a questioning look.
"Oh no, not because of what happened! She called because of your step brother. They'll meet me tomorrow."
"Tomorrow already? I didn't think they would act so fast. Did my mom tell you what happened?"
"Yes, she did. The poor boy. But another question: does your family know that you're gay? If not you better tell them now -- before they hear it from someone else!"
"My mom knows it for quite a while now, and I told it Tim the day we met. Not voluntarily, it was an accident, but it went very well. And Reinhardt knows it since I stayed at their appartment when I was sick last december. By the way, we prefer ^Ûbrother^Ë, not ^Ûstep brother^Ë."
"Okay, I'll try to remeber it. But I guess I held up the lesson long enought. Keep your head up, and you know where to find me when you have a problem."
"Yes, thanks, Mrs. Moeller."
"It's my pleasure. Oh, one more thing! I'm really not nosy, but..."
"But what?"
"You got your eyes on a possible boyfriend yet?"
I had to grin.
"I have my eyes on a couple of possible boyfriends -- but do they look at me in the same way? I don't know."
"Just be careful who you make a pass on."
With these words Mrs. Moeller ran out and chased the students who were waiting in the hall back into the room. She asked the also waiting teachter why he was wasting time, that he should start with the lesson. The intimidated man hurried to comply, and moments later we were in the full swing of the maths lesson.
The lesson went by quickly, and in the next break we had to hurry to the gym for PE. It would be interesting to see how my classmates now would handle the situation with me, the once and forever confirmed queer, in the locker room. Getting at least almost naked in front of the school faggot. For most of them it wasn't that new, but I was really interested in Philipps reaction.
We hadn't even started to undress when our PE teacher, a former soccer professionel, came into the locker room.
"Guys, tracksuits, street shoes, hats and gloves. We have to shovel snow for one hour. The second hour you can play handball."
Great. It would have been too much to hope for a happy end of this shitty school day. I wasn't the only one who wasn't happy with this announcement. Okay, shoveling snow wasn't so bad, but still... I'd rather do it during maths or chemistry! Hannes, a basketball player of 1.97m, was the one to speak out.
"Mr. Breitkopf, do you know how cold it is? And it's still snowing, there is no sense in shoveling now."
"Hannes, we have minus 9 C, that's not cold! Just keep on your longjohns. And the snow has to go, even though there will be more during the next few hours. It's a direction from the fire department. Now get a move, I want you out in five minutes!"
Grumbling we started to change, and I was happy to see that nobody made any bad comments about me, it was normal like always. But of course this couldn't last. We were still changing when Thomas started to dance infront of me in a arousing manner. Well, at least in a manner he thought was arousing.
"He, Danny, you didn't want the ass of Matthias. How about mine?"
He turned around and showed me his butt.
"This flat thing I've seen a thousand times already. And without those lovekillers ((longjohns)). By the way, I might be looking for a boyfriend, but I'm not that desperate!"
I expected him to jump me for this comment, trying to bite my head off, but no. Thomas turned his head back as far as he could and looked at his butt.
"Flat? I don't know. Christine seems to like it."
Okay, time to put more salt into his wounds.
"Hm, Christine. With what do you blackmail her? I mean, she wouldn't be with you out of her own free will."
This time he reacted in the way I expected from him.
"Okay, you want a shovel of snow in your collar -- you'll get it! That I promise you!"
"Huh, now I'm afraid!"
The whole scene was closely watched by the others, and everybody laughed. Okay, not everbody! Philipp was standig quietly in a corner, I guess he didn't know what to think about our little show. Understandable. He didn't know that Thomas and I were best friends, and such little skirmishes were part of our daily life. I wasn't the only one who noticed Philipps uncertainty.
"You can laugh too, Philipp. Those two always bitch with each other, if you don't know them you could think they were worst enemies. But in reality they love each other. It's a wonder that they weren't caught yet making out in the schools rest room."
My dear Jurgen, that was a big mistake! Big with a capital "b"! Nothing made Thomas and I stick together more than a common enemy! And with this little speach Jurgen made himself one! Thomas and I looked at each other, nodded, then we grabbed the struggling Jurgen from both sides and dragged him out of the locker room, where we let him free and closed the door infront of him. Now he stood in the hallway, wearing only his white thermal underwear and checkered socks! He desperately pounded at the door, pleading to be let in again. Desperately because at this moment the girls from our class passed by on their way to the gym, giggling and laughing about this sight. The rest of us were laughing so hard that we almost pissed ourselfs. After a while we opened the door again and let a very redheaded Jurgen back into the room. What a nice contrast to his pure white underwear!
"One time ... when you least expect it ... I'll have my revenge! Be afraid, be very afraid!"
Thomas and I looked at each other grinning. This wasn't a really bad threat. Even though Jurgens family owned a butchery, and he had easy access to butcher knifes and choppers, he was one of the most peaceful creatures on earth. He couldn't even hurt a fly.
"Damned, what are you doing here? The girls are already changed, and you still run around in your underwear? Now hurry up!"
Mr. Breitkopf didn't look very happy. And about the girls: maybe it was they only had to dress up for normal PE, not for slaving in the snow. Now what about this so-called emancipation? The girls wanted the same rights and be treated the same way as us boys -- but they easily could do without the same duties? How unfair! But none of us slaves was hero enough to say this loud.
"MOVE! Or you'll spend both hours in the snow!"
Now that's what I call motivation! Within two minutes we were ready and got our shovels, and only moments later we started the fight against the white flood. As Hannes already said: every success wouldn't hold long, it was still snowing hard. But of course we had to follow our orders, so we worked and worked. Not without snowfights and scuffles of course -- I mean we were still teenagers! After a while some of us looked like snowmen. For me the hard work was a good way to clear my brain from what happened this day. By the way, if only my mom could see me know! She'd be on the floor, laughing her ass off. At home she always had to threat me with most draconic punishments to "convince" me to shovel the snow. Suddenly a loud shout stopped my musings.
"Watch out, Danny!"
Out of the corner of my right eye I noticed a shadow approaching me, and again I made a step to the side. This time I didn't even think before I did so, it was almost a reflex. At the next moment I called myself stupid for stepping aside! The shadow was noone else than Philipp on his way into the next snow drift, in which he now dove in. Thankfully the snow was soft and he didn't hurt himself. But still I would have loved to catch him from his fall! What a missed opportunity. But I guess I shouldn't show my disappointment so clearly, so I switched back to Mr. Cool.
"You didn't find a larger projectile to throw at me? It seems like everyone wants to knock me down today."
Heino and Lars grinned at me and Philipp, who slowly got up from the snow drift.
"You could have caught him, couldn't you? I'm sure you would have liked it!"
He got me there. I turned to the two-legged projectile who brushed off the snow from his clothes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, thanks, it was a soft landing."
He smiled at me. Philipp smiled at me! At me! Even though he knew that I was gay! If I died on the spot it would be peaceful death after a fulfilled life. But of course I didn't die, no, I just felt a push to my back -- and now I was the one to fall into the snow. Who was it? I couldn't believe it! It was Thomas! My so-called best friend, who now bend down to me to help me to get up. I just wanted to scold him when he stopped me with a quiet whisper.
"Pssst. Sorry, but I had to do it. You were undressing Philipp with your eyes, if not starting to really do it."
Shit, was it really that bad? Okay, if it's about watching cute boys I had to plea guilty, I did it for years now. But never before I had such a blackout like now because of Philipp! I looked around furtively, but thankfully it seemed that Thomas was the only one who had noticed my behaviour -- all the others were still busy with the snow and showed no reaction. Even Philipp was shoveling again and only gave me a short, smiling look. Puh. Time to feel relieved. And time to be thankful.
"Thanks, Thomas. Please keep on watching out for me, I guess I'm not quite of sound mind at the moment."
"No problem. It's fun to watch out for you for a change. If I do this for the next 10 or 20 years we'll be quit."
"I wouldn't be so sure, looking at your tendency to get in trouble. But okay, it's good for starters."
"I'm SO happy that you acknowledge my service."
"My pleasure."
We now also started to move snow again, and a while later at least a small passage between the gym and building with the heating system was free of the white stuff. During our work none of us had looked at the time, and I guess it was the same for our PE teacher, who now came running out of the gym, gasping for air.
"Boys ... I'm so sorry! I totally forgot the time!"
I looked at my watch, and really, we didn't only work for the promised first hour, no, we were already 20 minutes into the second one!
"It's to late for changing again and playing handball. Suggestion: you shovel for 10 more minutes, than you can change and go home."
That sounded good, this way our school day would be over 20 minutes early. Everybody was fine with Mr. Breitkopfs suggestions. Exactly after 10 minutes the teacher collected the shovels and send us to the locker room. This time everybody hurried up, and only a few minutes later we left the school, breathing the cold but free air. It was like being let out of a prison after 20 years!
We said our goodbyes and everyone went his own way. After a while only Thomas and I were left, we had almost the same way home. But wait, where was Philipp? I turned my head at the different groups leaving the school, but he was nowhere to be seen. Of course my best friend noticed my search.
"Looking for someone special?"
I slowly started to hate his smug grin. I mean, I would start to hate it if I was able to hate something about him.
"As if you have to ask. Do you see him?"
"No. Yes!"
"What? No or yes?"
"Turn around slowly, he's just passing the school gate."
Turn around slowly? How could I when it was about Philipp? My head snapped into his direction, and really, there he was, my dreamboy, slowly coming out of the gate. All in dark blue: hat, scarf, jacket, jeans, gloves and shoes. How could I survive seeing him now each and every day? Luckily Thomas didn't lose his speach -- in contrast to me.
"What took you so long? Do you like school so much that you stay there longer than necessary?"
Again Philipp was all smiles.
"Don't worry, I'd rather be somewhere else. But I have to wait for my sister."
"Thank god, I was afraid that you're a nerd."
"Oh no, I'm not that bad. You're Thomas, right?"
"Yes. I guess it will take you a while to remember all the new names."
"Well, I'm trying."
He turned to me.
"Danny, if I remember correctly."
Oh my god, he talked to me! And he even remembered my name! And I wasn't able to give him one single word as an answer. How stupid. Thankfully the samaration Thomas jumped in again. I guess he was serious about paying back his debts.
"Yes. But don't expect an answer from Danny, he's in the cold for more than 90 seconds now, so he starts to freeze."
Philipp laughed. Okay. In contrast to Thomas he was allowed to laugh about me!
"Is he really so sensitive?"
Surprising everyone, especially myself, I managed to answer this time.
"Yes. Take a encyclopaedia, look up ^Ûchilblain^Ë, and you'll find a picture of me."
Philipps answer was a quiet laugh -- and Thomas' a surprised look in my direction. I guess he didn't expect that I got control over my speaking ability so fast.
"I guess you'd be the perfect victim for my mom. She always tells us that we should dress warmly."
"Thanks, but I have my own mom to do so. But in this case I'd follow her orders voluntary, it's a case of self defense. But now tell me, how do you like our version of hell?"
I pointed back to the school, and Philipp thought for a moment.
"Well ... it's not bad. The teachers are a little old, aren't they?"
Ha! I wasn't the only one to notice this.
"But the students seem to be okay. With a few exceptions."
Ohoh. I only could hope that I wasn't one of those exceptions! Luckily my fears were eliminated soon.
"This Matthias is really a stupid fuck."
"That he is! But I hope that he's out of business for a while now. This guy started trouble with almost everyone at school in the last few years. At least with everyone who's inferior to his body strength -- and sadly that's true for most of the students here. In contrast to the intellectual strength -- there he would have problems to compete with the janitors poodle."
"Come on, Thomas! This comparison is a very heavy insult! For the poodle, I mean."
Now all three of us were laughing hard, and just when I tried to find a topic to keep our conversation running, a little "thing", thickly packed in warm clothes and therefor almost looking like a smaller version of me, came running to us and jumped in the quickly raised arms of our new student with a shout.
"Flip!"
Thomas and I looked at each other questioningly. Flip? The one who was called this name now quickly turned in circles, whirling around the little "thing" which I know identified as a little boy who know squealed happily. Meanwhile another person had reached our little group.
"Hello Philipp."
We turned to the voice, and there was a tall woman. I instantly knew where Philipps blond hair and the blue eyes came from, so I guess this was his mom, which made the well shaken little "thing" his brother. With a warm smile she looked at her sons.
"Hi mom."
Yes, I was right. Philipps mom."
"You already found two new friends?"
With his head a little tilted, his little brother now sitting on his back, Philipp looked at us questioningly.
"I hope so. I'd really like it."
What a question! Especially in my case. Thomas answered.
"Sure."
A relieved smile showed up on his face.
"Mom, these are Thomas and Danny. Thomas, Danny -- my mom."
We shook hands, and Mrs. Stein seemed to be very happy that her son had already found new friends. If she only knew what thoughts about her son were racing through my head...
A whining voice was heard, and Philipp reacted instantly.
"Of course, how could I forget you! Guys, this is my little brother, Kevy."
"Kevin! My name is Kevin, not Kevy!"
"Okay, Kevy."
The little man beat his brothers shoulders with indignation, but Philipp only grinned about his efforts. But wait, what was it with the brothers and their names?"
"Did I hear your brother right? Flip?"
This time it was Mrs. Stein who answered.
"When Kevy was little, I mean even littler than now, he had problems with pronouncing the name Philipp and always called his brother Flip. Today he could call him Philipp, but I guess the Flip stuck, and now most of us call him that way."
"Thanks, mom. From now on everyone at school will call me Flip."
Why not, it sounded ... cute?
"Hehe, it's still better than Philly, isn't it?"
Thomas read my mind again. Since when was he able to do it? Until today I was the one to read HIS mind!
"How about Phil?"
Forget it.
"No way, ^ÛPhil^Ë sounds so ... old. And when I hear ^ÛPhil^Ë I always think about Phil Collins -- and you really don't look like him. Thankfully."
Flip gave in to his destiny.
"Okay, okay. Kevy, I'll never forgive you!"
The little brother was standing on his own feet again and seemed to be very happy about embarassing his big brother. Grinning he stook out his tongue at him.
"Bah!"
Before Philipp could react the little boy already ran behind his mother, who was now looking around.
"Where's Veronika? Why is she so late?"
"Mom, she isn't late, we were let out early. Her lesson just ended, I guess she'll show up any moment now."
"In this case... I was starting to wonder if I was to late to pick you up."
At this moment the door opened and a mass exodus of students started. Shortly later we discovered Philipps sister with a group of her classmates. When she noticed us she said her goodbyes and came over, followed by a few looks about Thomas and me standig together with her brother. Some of those looks were surprised, some shocked and some amused. An interesting mix.
"Hi mom. Kevy."
Flips little brother started to protest again, but this time nobody reacted. I noticed, that Veronika gave me an x-ray all-over look, ending with a deep look into my eyes. I felt like I was scanned deep into my soul. Not a very pleasant feeling, especially not knowing why she did it. Was it only because of my new status as the schools black sheep? Or was there more to it?
"Can we go? I'm getting cold."
With these words she turned to the car and went off.
"Looks like my daughter is in a hurry. It was nice to meet you, boys, have a nice day."
Mrs. Stein followed her daughter, dragging little Kevy with her. This left Philipp alone with Thomas and me.
"I guess I have to go. I'm afraid we'll meet again tomorrow. I mean, I'm not afraid of meeting you again, but of meeting you HERE at school again."
We grinned and said our goodbyes, than Philipp followed his family. This was the sign for Thomas and me to go home too. We walked in silence for two or three minutes, than Thomas gave me a soft punch to the rips.
"Gratuliation, Danny."
"Ouch! What for?"
"You were really good with Philipp. You didn't jump his bones, didn't kiss him, you didn't get a read head and you even talked in whole sentences. I'm proud of you!"
"If you only knew how hard it was."
"Believe me, I know it. I still remember the day I fell in love with a girl for the first time. I was getting hot and cold and hot and cold again, I was shivering and didn't get out one single word."
"And what did your kindergarten teacher say about it?"
"Shithead! Kindergarten. What dou you think about me?"
Thomas had stopped his walk and glared at me.
"Kindergarten. You should know me better. It was in the baby daycare center! I'm not a late bloomer like you. But better late than never, I guess."
"I hope it's not too late."
"Don't worry, this Philipp would be a good catch."
"A too good one? Too good to be true? I'm just glad that he doesn't seem to have a problem with me being gay."
"No problem with you being gay? Danny, wake up! He's already falling for you."
"Stop it. If not even I have a gaydar, how should YOU have one? I was watching him closely, and I guess he was only looking for new friends at his new school."
"Believe what you want, but I did also watch him closely, and when he looked at you there were clear signals. Hehe, you'll go to the graduation party together!"
What a nice thought. But still I was quite sure that there was nothing more than normal friendship, nothing to feed my hopes. We walked on and after a few more minutes reached the point where we had to separate.
"Danny, can I come over to you later? I need a quiet place for doing this maths homework -- and I won't finde one at home."
"No problem. Do you want to come now or later?"
"Later, I want to shower first and eat something. I'll come around 4, if that's alright."
"Sure, see you then."
"Laters."
With quick steps I now walked home. Ha! Unbelievable! I was out in the cold voluntary for much longer than necessary. And in the time I was together with Flip I didn't even feel the cold. Oh my, what does this boy do to me?
At home I noticed that I was totally alone, no Tim, no Reinhardt, no mom. Only a piece of paper on the kitchen desk, telling me that they were shopping. Shopping again? What ever. I took of my clothes and went to the bathroom to have a nice hot shower -- and the pictures of cutie Flip followed me. No, I won't go further into what happened over the next few minutes! g
Of course I again totally forgot the time, and of course I again was punished for it. When I came clean like a baby (and also as naked like one) back into my room, this room wasn't empty anymore, and I was greeted by Tims loud laughter.
"Haha, I knew it, you really are an exhibitionist. Or why do you always show me your naked body?"
I made a highspeed retreat into the bathroom, grabbed a towel and put it around my waist. Of course too late. When I went back into the room I answered Tims question.
"You're just jealous because you don't have such a model body like I."
"Oh yes, I guess that's it."
I guess I'll better change the topic.
"You were shopping again? I thought you got everything yesterday?"
"Yes, we got all the new clothes yesterday, but today Maria realized that we'd need much more food now, so we went to the supermarket. And I guess you were in the shower for a long time again, we're back home for at least half an hour now."
I grinned.
"Guilty as charged."
Now it was time to replace the towel with real clothes, so I went to the closet and got some. When I put on my boxershorts I noticed, that my little brother became really quite. Hm. Strange. He had lost most of his shyness over the last weeks, his being so quite was like the old Tim again showing up. A little worried I looked to him. He sat on his bed with a serious face.
"Tim? What's wrong now?"
His only answer was a deep sigh, and now I really started to get worried! I went over and sat down beside him.
"What's wrong? Can I help you?"
"No."
Oh shit. Something must have happened. I mean, one moment he's laughing and joking with me, and the next moment he's like totally depressed! Was it still because of the fire? Or was there another reason? I had to get it out of him.
"Tim, I told you once that you can talk with me about everything. Come one, no secrets between brothers. What's wrong with you, why are you so depressed suddenly? Let's talk about it, you'll see it gets better."
"I don't think so."
"Just try it, okay?"
Tim, who had looked out of the window for the last moments, turned to me and looked me deeply into the eyes. His own eyes weren't as sparkling as I had seen them over the last weeks. There really must be something very heavy going on in this cute head of my brother. He sighed again, but it seemed like he came to a decision.
"Okay, if you say so."
"Good. Just talk, little brother."
"Do you remember the day when I discovered that you're gay?"
"Hehe, how could I ever forget this day. It wasn't one of my brightest moments."
For a second it looked like a smile would show up on Tims face, but then he became serious again.
"And do you also remember what we talked about at this time?"
"I guess I do. What exactly do you mean?"
"You asked me ... well ... you asked me if I was gay, too."
Bulls-eye! There WAS something very heavy going on in his head! And now in my head, too. What would come next? Did I afterall really have chances with my brother?
"Yes. And you said that you're not sure."
"Yes."
"And?"
"I think I know the answer now."
Now I was on tenterhooks. Whatever his answer would be, I'd finally know if he was into girls or boys.
"Danny... Would you be very mad at me if I wasn't gay?"
Shit, wrong answer. But being mad at him? Okay, a little disappointed, sure, but mad? Never. And to be honest it only was a confirmation for what I already thought for a while.
"Tim, why should I be mad at you? Were you depressed because you thought I would be?"
"Sure! I mean, I surely confused you with my insecurities, maybe you even had wrong hopes about me. I'd understand if you were mad at me."
"Okay, listen carefully. Tim, I'm not mad at you for not being gay. Not a bit. I can't even imagine being mad at you for anything. Maybe you didn't notice it yet, you little muddlehead, but I love you! Even if it's only as a brother."
"Really?"
"Really. Tim, I'm happy for you. Not because you're not gay, but because you now seem to be sure about your orientation."
The last word wasn't even out of my mouth when Tim already was in my arms.
"Thank you, Danny, thank you so much! I was sooo worried, I was sure you at least wouldn't like me anymore."
"Now I should feel insulted! Do you really think so little of me?"
I guess I shouldn't have said that, his smile again made place for a sad face, and his tears of joy became real tears again.
"I'm so sorry... I know now that it was a stupid idea. But ... I was so afraid of losing you, I couldn't survive it!"
"It's okay, little brother. I promise you one thing: you'll never lose me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Good. And now you better go the bathroom and clean up a bit. You're much cuter without this teary face."
Finally, there was it again, that cute shy smile I had learned to love. He once again hugged me, than he went to the bathroom, giving me the time to think about what had happened over the last few minutes. My little brother wasn't into boys -- what a loss. For me and the gay world I mean. For himself not, and even not for Reinhardt, who would be happy to hear this, even though he was so accepting of me. What was left to do now? Nothing much, I guess. I had to accept it, and I would accept it. As I said, it didn't came as a big surprise anymore. At least now everything was clear. Tims coming back out of the bathroom stopped my musings.
"Come to me, let me have a closer look. Ah. Fine. You look twice as good now."
His stop in the bathroom really made a big difference. Oops. That reminds me. Maybe I should be a little more careful now with my words about him.
"Tim? Does it disturb you when I say such things? Like that you're looking good?"
Now he didn'n smile anymore, he laughed!
"No, as long as you're complimenting me on my looks I don't have a problem with it."
"Good, because you'll here it from me often enough. I just don't want you to feel uneasy, especially when I say such things in the presence of others."
"Don't worry. I mean, I can't love you the way you'd like me to, but you're still my big brother. And I'd never complain if my big brother says that I'm looking good."
"Even if he says that he finds you cute?"
"Cute? Well, I have to think about this one. I mean, I'm almost 17, an age where ^Ûlooking cute^Ë isn't so welcome for a boy anymore."
"I'm really sorry, but you ARE cute! At least in my eyes. And I guess tomorrow you'll find a few more admirers for your cuteness. Most of them girls, of course. Not that you would have anything against it, I guess."
"He, I know now that I'm into girls, but this doesn't mean that I'll jump into the sack with first available girl."
"I really hope so! You're my brother now, I'm responsible for you, and everything you do will fall back on me. You have to watch out not only for your own good reputation but for mine, too! By the way, how do you know that you're into girls?"
"Well, I often thought about it over the last few weeks. I told you that I didn't have a reason to do this before I met you, but now this had changed. So I thought and thought. Did I like more to look at girls or at boys? And what was I thinking about when I ... well ... you know what I mean! He, don't give me that grin! I'm just a hormon driven teenager, too!"
"Okay, okay! I can feel with you, especially about THIS topic!"
"Fine. Over the weeks it more and more became clear to me that I just couldn't see myself with a boy. At first I still thought maybe with you, but later ... I discovered that I DID love you, but in another way. And then I became worried that you'd be mad at me."
"Tim, I'd be mad at you if you would do things only for me, even you don't really want to do them."
"I know this. Now. Whatever. I now know what I want in my life. A nice girl and at some point lots of kids. Kids who will have the best uncle in the world."
"It would be my pleasure."
"And then I didn't know if I should tell you or not. I was afraid of your reaction, but I just couldn't give you mixed signals anymore. The rest is history."
"Will you tell your dad?"
"Dad? Why should I?"
"We had a little talk a few days ago. After we were caught in bed together he asked me if you're gay, too."
"And, what did you tell him?"
"The truth: that I don't know if you're gay or straight. And that this a question he should ask you, not me."
"How did he react?"
"Cool. He agreed with me about asking you, he even apologized for asking this question. And then he said that he wouldn't have a problem with you being gay -- if you were."
"I wouldn't expect anything else from him."
"And one more thing. He said that he'd be happy if we became a couple. If you were gay."
"Oh shit, I hope he's not disappointed now."
"Nah, I don't think so. I think he'll be quite happy that there are still possible grand children in the future. My mom, too. He just wanted to make it clear that you don't have to worry in any case."
"Good. But let's talk about something else now. How was your day?"
"Very ... interesting."
"Positive interesting or negative?"
"Both."
"Now talk! Do I have to drag every single word out of your nose?"
"Nose? I always thought I was talking through my mouth."
"Aargh!"
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you. To make it short: frozen, bored, used as a slave, seen god, knocked on my butt with a door, seen god again, fallen in love head over heels, outet in front of the whole school, survived a brutal attack, almost freaked out, calmed down again, learned a big secret, discovered true friendship, again used as a slave, joked with god and went home again. The rest you know already."
"A little too short, isn't it? Could you be a little more exact, please? I mean, I have a good phantasy, but not such a good one!"
I had no other choice than tell him everything what happened in the last few hours. Without telling him about my dark past -- I would tell him one day, but not now. When I was done with my story Tim looked at me with big eyes.
"As you see, I had a quite exciting day. By the way, please forget that our vice principal is a lesbian, okay? At least don't spread this news further."
"Sure, no problem. And this really did happen? All of it? You didn't make this up for a good story, for the internet as example?"
"What a story?"
He gave me a cheeky grin. God he was soooooo cute! I would really have to watch out for him, not that he meets the wrong girl.
"Come on, big brother. I know your bookmarks. Niftys, ASSGM, Nick's Stories -- do I have to say more?"
"No, thanks. But to answer your question: everything happened like I told you."
"Okay, I guess I have to believe you."
Now I'd really like to know which of my bookmarks he visited. Shit. Maybe he even found my picture collection! Okay, a part of it he has seen already on our first day together, but still..."
"And this Philipp is really your kind of guy?"
I thought about it for a moment, and when I started to answer I was stopped by Tim.
"No answer needed, I can see it in your eyes. Shit, you're soooo into him! And I was worried that you'd fall into depressions when I tell you that I'm not available!"
"Well, your outing as being straight wasn't THAT surprising for me, I almost expected it. Don't ask me why, but it became clearer to me with every day."
"And you have nothing better to do than jump the next best cute boy? Now I'm insulted."
A quick look at him showed me that he wasn't serious.
"Life goes on, little brother. And I didn't jump Philipp!"
"Not yet."
"Exactly."
At this moment we were interrupted by the doorbell...
..*
To be continued in part 10