This story is fictional and not related to any real events. There is no reason to assume or suggest that Shane Filan and Nicky Byrne are gay or in anyway romantically involved. This story may include adult content. (c) Ethan 2002
One
The green countryside stretched for miles ahead, as far as his blue eyes wandered he saw the beautiful green hills rising and sloping right across the horizon looked over by an amazingly clear blue sky... this is what heaven must be like, mustn't it? Nicky inhaled the fresh spring air and sighed with content. But No! There is something missing, the green hills felt lonely the blue sky was empty and the spring air was not breathtaking... he had to tell him, and what better place than in the beautiful and romantic surrounds that they were in now?
Nicky appraised one more appreciative glance out of the open window before turning his back on the silk skies and began a mental narrative of his conversation with Shane, the dialogue that he hoped would complete his own private paradise. Of course, as it was his mind that was given the lines that he dreamt of hearing from Shane's mouth, the response was partial. But he had no indication and no presumption of how Shane would react, but when you're in love, there is nothing that can go wrong and with this naive understanding he made his way to Shane's room.
He tapped lightly on the door, his heart was in his mouth, the words he was about to say, the confession he was about to make could provide magnificent joy or they could tear through his heart with the effect of the sharpest knife. The excitement was mixed with apprehension and it was nauseating as he opened the door and walked in, he was still going over what he would say.
Shane was sat with his laptop resting on his knees, peering into the screen with what was undeniably, distaste. Nicky watched him for a while before clearing his throat to make his presence felt or heard rather. Shane looked up, "oh hi Nicks" he muttered, closing the laptop.
Nicky cleared his throat in fear that his voice would not allow him to go through with this. "Hi, erm... um what are you doing?" he asked, fidgeting with some book on the table, his nerves were beginning to get the better of him. Shane shook his head in contempt and motioned for Nicky to come and look. As Nicky peered over his shoulder, his feelings had taken a rapid metamorphosis from nervous excitement to curious confusion.
Nicky recognised the website that Shane had been surfing and more to the point he was well educated of the content of the site too. "This crap" Shane fumed pointing at the screen in disgust "It's fucking a load of shit Nicks, you should read some of the things they say" his voice was heavy and frightening, Nicky's heart had sunk fast, he had read not some but most of what they say and while he was reading it he had whole heartedly hoped that what they said would become true. But the disgust and venom in Shane's voice frightened and disappointed him to such a degree that he couldn't bare to stand there and hear his dreams being shattered so mercilessly, he walked out of Shane's room.
Back in his room, with the open window reminding him of the picture of his paradise that he had painted only moments earlier with childish naivety, he sat and stared out at the now not so blue sky and the hideous green hills, the supposed paradise that has turned into the dungeons of hell.
The site that Shane had revolted against was www.shnicky.com, the site that Nicky had discovered months ago and had accessed it daily since that day, reading every fanfic ever posted on it, reading and imagining the reality of the fictitious situations that numerous imaginations had thought up. The site that promoted the idea of the love between them, the love that was hurtfully unrequited, the love that Nicky longed for but was evidently never going to be returned to his aching heart. He closed his eyes and saw the antipathy that was nested in Shane's beautiful brown eyes, the idea obviously repulsed him!
The knock in his door was persistent and urgent, "Nicky... Nicky, what's wrong? Why did you walk out like that?" Shane's voice sounded from the other side of Nicky's tightly shut door. Nicky ignored it, but Shane knocked again... "I'm not feeling too good Shane" Nicky replied. "What's wrong?" Shane's voice developed a concerned tone Nicky turned his back towards the door and wiped the tear that had been threatening to make an appearance, it had finally broken his determined resolve and rolled down his cheek. "It's just a headache, Shane" There was a pause and then he had Shane's footsteps retreating. Nicky sighed and fell back onto the bed... moments later he was asleep.
Two
The members of westlife sat around the coffee table, waiting impatiently for the arrival of the missing band member before they could set out for the first practice of the new dance routine, they were planning. Eventually Nicky wandered down into the kitchen, greeted by an exaggerated roar, he smiled weakly but he seemed pre-occupied, at least Shane seemed to notice this.
The dance routine was complicated and in Nicky's opinion needless, he tried to get into the rhythm and move accordingly but on quite a few occasions he stumbled and towards the end he just gave up and stood on the side watching the others. They finished practicing after about two-hours and decided to go back to the house, but Shane suggested he should stay and help Nicky get to grasp with the moves.
Nicky didn't feel too comfortable with the idea of being alone with Shane anymore, he wanted to dispute Shane's offer and go back with the rest but he was aware of Shane's need for everything to be perfect and obviously Nicky's dance moves were not, so he remained silent and waited for the others to leave.
Nicky switched the music tape back on and got ready to go through the routine, following Shane's guidance. But Shane walked over and switched it off, "tell me what's bothering you Nicky" Nicky shrugged "Nothing, lets just get this over with" he refrained from looking at Shane as he spoke, afraid of breaking down and confessing his true feelings, the feelings that were desperate to come out, but after last night he knew they must remain hidden and secret. "You know that you can tell me, whatever it is?" Nicky nodded, a quick glance over at Shane "Now come on lets get my clumsy feet to move" he said, a vain attempt at sounding cheery.
He followed Shane's moves very closely and then tried to repeat them as accurately as he could. After a few attempts Shane walked over to Nicky and told him to keep on dancing, Nicky was concentrating perhaps too much because he kept faltering, until Shane put his hand firmly on Nicky's right buttock and told him to move his ass to the left and then to the right.
A stifled gasp escaped Nicky's lips as he felt Shane's hand on his butt, he tried to ignore it but the longer Shane's hand pressed his ass the more Nicky became nervous, his legs started to tangle and he almost fell over. Shane told him to start again, and he did. This time a little more concentration allowed him to get some of the steps right and the fact that Shane's hand wasn't touching his ass helped a lot too. But then there it was again, a firm push to sway his ass.
"Will you stop doing that!" Nicky yelled, catching Shane by surprise. "Doing what?" Shane looked at him confused; he went and switched the music off, Nicky's attitude since last night was confusing him to no end. Nicky grabbed his jacket "I can't do this Shane" he said before storming out of the door. Shane stood staring after him.
Three
The waves crashed in against the walls that kept the river off the banks, Nicky walked along the road, staring at the flowing water. He needed to get a grip, to control himself. If he wasn't careful things could mess up pretty bad, and he didn't want that. He has been coping with his feelings for so long, there was always the optimism that one day he would tell Shane how he felt and Shane would say the same. Truth is, he was always aware of the slim chances of that happening, nothing ever happens the way you want it to. But now things were worse, Shane's attitude towards that site was a disturbing preview of his likely reaction to Nicky's confession.
This was in such, the end of any glimmer of hope he had, and that was tough to deal with.
Four
He walked through the door and straight up the stairs, he wasn't feeling good enough to face the guys yet. But moments after he stepped into his room, there was a slow knocking on the door, he turned to see Shane walking in and closing the door behind him.
"Nicky?" Shane spoke softly, in an attempt to get Nicky to look up at his face. But Nicky didn't do it, he looked out of the window instead, out at half complete picture of his personal paradise. "What?" was all he said, but not in a cold tone. Shane walked up close just behind him. Nicky first inhaled the unmistakable freshness of Shane's scent, and then he felt the warmth of Shane's closeness. He stepped away a little.
"What's the matter with you mate?" Shane asked, "You've been acting weird lately, is everything alright" Shane's hand rested on his shoulder, he didn't want to contribute further to Shane's suspicions by pulling away and appearing to be disturbed by his touch, so he didn't move. Shane had a few ideas of what could possibly be the cause of Nicky's unusual attitude. "Is this about the dance routine?" he asked "cos if it is, then don't worry, you'll get it eventually"
Nicky shrugged Shane's hand off his shoulder and turned to face him "No, its not about the damned dance routine Shane" he muttered, "It's got nothing to do with that" Shane watched, as Nicky walked over to the bed and sat down. "Okay" started Shane "Is it about that site that I told you about last night?"
Nicky looked up as Shane said this, could he have guessed? His desperate heart clung to the possibility that Shane had worked it all out; he had discovered Nicky's love for him and saved Nicky from tearing up in agony inside. But Shane had no idea of the turmoil in Nicky's mind. "Your angry about the site, aren't you?" Shane asked, sitting next to him. "Don't be, I was furious at first, thinking about the bands image but think about it Nicky, it's just a bit of fun and if you get to read some of it, it really is amusing" Shane was smiling.
Nicky raised an eyebrow at Shane's change of heart. "I overreacted last night when I first saw it, I guess it just caught me by surprise" Shane continued looking out of the window, Nicky stared at his face as he spoke "but if you think about it, they can't write about any of the others can they? I mean they are not like me and you" as Shane spoke these words, Nicky's heartbeat quickened and he listed on intently. "We gel together mate, obviously not the way the site suggests but were close right?" it took Nicky a while to register that the question was not rhetorical, "erm, yeah, yeah I guess we do" he whispered in response.
"So don't get all worked up about the site mate, read it, its fun" Shane laughed. Nicky tried a smile, he knew this did not mean that Shane felt anything for him, but at least the horrifying thought that Shane was disgusted by the idea of them together was no longer feasible. It made him feel somewhat better. "In fact" Shane said, reaching for Nicky laptop "lets look through it together"
Five
It felt unusual sitting next to Shane and reading about being with him. Nicky has read all this before, perhaps Shane had too? Nicky remained quiet as Shane clicked through the links and read every thing that caught his eye, he seemed to find it all very amusing, and his melodious laughter filled the room. This closeness had developed a new meaning for Nicky, it suddenly filled him with dangerous hope, dangerous because it could lead to rejection all over again and the thought was frightening, but hopeful because it felt right.
Nicky sat back against the wall, as Shane rested the laptop on the bed and clicked on one of the fanfics "wanna read it?" he asked, Nicky shrugged even though he had read it before, he didn't read it again, he watched the reactions on Shane's face as he read the story, amusement, interest, excitement and was that satisfaction or was Nicky's imagination getting the better of him again.
Shane looked up at him and smiled, "hey listen to this" he said, staring to read a few lines from the story "... the desire was burning in Shane's brown eyes as he stepped up behind Nicky and wrapped his arms around his band mates waist, pulling him closer to feel his warm body where it belonged... in his arms" Shane giggled "imagine that" he said.
"Yeah, imagine that" Nicky whispered, closing his eyes to do just that. There were a few moments of silence between them before Shane spoke again "What are you doing, Nicky?" he asked, softly. Nicky heart began racing once more as he decided to say something to Shane, tell him, or it would eat him up inside. "I'm imaging it," he whispered back. There was another tense silence, Nicky feared to open his eyes, in case he saw the horror on Shane's face.
Minutes passed, but it seemed to be more like hours, Nicky opened his eyes at last, the silence was torture... he saw Shane watching his face with an expression he couldn't read. "I love you, Shane" Nicky blurted out, pleading with his eyes. He had to say it and he said it. But there was nothing but silence from Shane, and the absence of any expression on his face was unsatisfying. Nicky's head slumped, a lonely tear rolled down his cheek.
"What are you doing?" Shane asked him again, his voice had developed a softer but yet more hesitant tone in it. Nicky searched his face, his eyes for some clue as to what he was thinking, but there was none "I'm imaging being in your arms, Shane" Nicky whispered, again. "Don't" said Shane. Nicky looked up at him "I'm sorry" Shane moved closer to him, trying to look into his eyes, but Nicky kept averting his gaze, he didn't want to cry. "Don't imagine it Nicky... experience it" Nicky looked up and met Shane's eyes, they weren't blank anymore, they were talking to him, telling him what he had longed to hear. A smile crept up on his face.
Shane reached up and pressed a finger to Nicky's lips "lets experience it, Nicky" he whispered "lets make it real" Nicky kissed Shane's finger and moved his face forward, closer to Shane, towards his lips, to kiss his soft lips and complete his own private paradise.
END
If you with to contact the author of this work, e-mail irishfireuk@yahoo.co.uk