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Quick intro: I write erotic stories that are mostly fantasy, with elements of reality mixed in. This is not that.
This is documentary.
I have been tasked by my dom to wear a chastity cage for 90 days. Each day I send him a photo of me in my cage with a note saying "Thank You Master."
The purpose of this project is to feminize me. To change me. To rewire my psychology. To humble myself.
Here, I will record my thoughts and reflections. Everything will be 100% truthful. Anything omitted will be left out only if it's irrelevant.
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Days 31-45 reveal a dichotomy within me: a desire to go deeper into my femininity and a clear and staunchly held resistance. I spent many of these days in "boy clothes," in part because I "had to for work." But I think also because, subconsciously, I needed to. Because I was scared. Scared of what happens, what WILL happen, when I let my feminine side out, let her off the leash... become her. I'm still scared, in retrospect (I'm writing this a few months later based on notes I have from the time), but I am also letting her out now... and realizing that she is me.
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Day 31 -- October 6, 2020 I needed a bit of a recovery period after kissing and licking the toilet.
God, it's still hard for me to write that. I did that. I kissed and licked a toilet. Not because I wanted to. Because I was asked to by someone to whom I've granted authority. I never had to do it. I just did.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little sheepish today. That's what I am, maybe: a sheep. Domesticated. Easily led.
Day 33 -- October 8, 2020 A new obligation to meet... and a ready and willing sissy to accomplish the goal.
Mike set as a goal for me to achieve a "sissygasm," a male orgasm without any stimulation to the penis... just up the ass.
Being the slut that I am, I asked him what color I should wear. Red.
So I slipped into a red lace catsuit and hopped on my favorite dildo. I had a vibrator that I used to stimulate the base of my cock. The whole thing felt so good. I'm truly at home with a cock up my ass (though a live one is a lot better than a rubber one).
But I never came. I had orgasms in my ass, ones that are familiar to me from great assfuckings from my past. Those were wonderful!
Still, I'm trying to achieve Mike's great goal for me: the sissygasm.
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Day 34 -- October 9, 2020 Big change today.
I got a new cage.
I'd been using the expensive model I'd heard so much about: the CB-6000.
Well, marketing is powerful, I guess. It was... fine? It was adjustable in a lot of ways, which was great. But the places where it could be adjusted created pinch points. Put the most sensitive skin on your entire body into a tiny little plastic pinch point and see how it feels. Yeah.
So I got a new one called the Holy Trainer. I'm wearing it now, way past the 90 days. I barely even notice I'm wearing it. Except for the fact that it prevents me from having a male orgasm. Other than for cleaning it, I never needed to take it off. The one recommendation I would give is that at night I would put a healthy amount of lotion around the ring--almost like lubrication. Your body wants your cock to get hard during the night. Happens every night to me. The lotion/lube prevents the cage from pulling awkwardly, causing pain, and therefore waking me up.
Two-and-a-half stars for the CB-6000. Five stars for the Holy Trainer.
+++++ Days 35-44 -- October 10-19, 2020
These are the days when I was resisting my femininity. This is interesting, actually. I started this process as a 90-day journey to emasculation. It certainly was. But the journey was ultimately towards something more than that. Towards the thing that I was (and am) most afraid of:
Becoming a girl.
So, obviously, because I was afraid of it, I avoided it. I wore my boy clothes. I did my farm work (yes, I live on a farm). I walked around town acting like I was not wearing a cage around my cock at the behest of a dominating man.
But meanwhile, under my very-typically-male pants, I always wore panties. Inside my boots, I always had on toenail polish.
It is obvious, ultimately, what I want to become.
Oh, another clue about my sexual expression? Every chance I got during this ten-day period, I blew my husband. Without any hesitation. I had to talk him into getting blow jobs. I'm an expert at that now. A simple hand on his chest, a rub across both of his nipples, and pretty soon I will be crouching between his legs in my panties and sucking his dick until he cums in my mouth.
This is the best way to start the day.
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Day 45 -- October 20, 2020 On milestone days like today, I stop and think about the journey.
I'm halfway there... but halfway to what?
You could think of my being caged as just a momentary break from my typical male sexuality. I'll wear the cage for 90 days--then start jerking off again just like usual.
I know that's not the case. Not the reason. Not the point.
No, I'm halfway to somewhere else... I just don't know where. The easy answer is emasculation, though, frankly, I have already achieved that goal. The next obvious answer is submission, though again, haven't I achieved that already?
The scary answer is feminization.
What does that word mean for me? I still need to come to grips with it. A lot of things are going to depend on my answer. My body. My relationship. My self.
I have more insight into that now than I had then. All I knew on Day 45 was that this was not going to be a round trip.
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That's a true and brief report on Days 31-45. I was halfway to somewhere. Stay tuned to find out where.
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What do you think? Drop me a line at sexyamie@hotmail.com if you're turned on.