What It Is... - (not only) JC/Justin slash - Chances - Part 3: Once Again
Author: Zarah
Rating: R
Pairing: JC Chasez/Justin Timberlake
Note: Sequel to "No More" and "Once More"
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't imply.
Once Again
Sequel to: No More & Once More
A dream. He was having a wonderful, wonderful dream, and now all he had to do was trying not to wake up. Because if he woke up, then maybe he would never feel this again.
This.
Justin.
Justin on top of him, his smooth skin gliding over him, leaving kisses across his chest, his stomach, everywhere.
Touching Justin, caressing the young man's sides, urging him on, moaning.
Justin next to him, returning his kisses with just as much force and longing, a groan escaping those oh-so-soft pink lips, hips rocking against hips.
Justin under him, eyes closed, enjoying the sensations JC was able to cause with his tongue. Moving down, lower, hearing Justin's surprised gasp as JC's tongue trailed over the length of the younger man's erection. Hearing Justin's whimper as JC lifted his body slightly to caress the pink pucker with his tongue, licking, massaging, wetting, preparing it, then replacing the tongue with his finger to spread the entrance further...
If this was a dream, then he had just woken up.
Dazed, JC lay on the bed, watching Justin grabbing his clothes and dressing in a hurry. Before the blonde left the room, he tossed JC a last glare. "I thought you had changed, Joshua. I really did. Turns out you still want to fuck me and that's it. Well, not this time. Have a nice day."
The door slammed shut, the sound echoed by the breaking of JC's heart.
And there was no one to blame but himself.
***
"I fucked up."
"Again."
"Thanks for the support, Joey."
"Sorry, but it's true."
"Yeah. I guess I deserved that."
"What did you do this time?"
JC laughed, a hollow, fake sound even to his own ears. "I didn't respect a limit although I knew it was there."
"Which limit?"
"You sure you want to hear this?"
"No. But tell me anyway."
"I knew that he was the one making love to me. And still I decided to change the roles."
"He let you?"
"No. He walked out on me when I wanted to prepare him."
"Prepare... Oh. Okay. I don't think I need anymore details. Did he say something?"
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Basically that he made a mistake when he thought I had changed. But I did change, Joey. I really did."
"You should tell that Justin, not me."
"I don't think Justin wants to listen."
"Your fault."
"I know."
"You were stupid in trying more, JC. You should have known. Justin is unsure about this whole thing, it took him a lot of courage to let you back in. You should have known."
"I did. But seeing Justin naked caused my brain to go into stand-by modus."
"You shouldn't have let that happen. You should have been more careful. The relationship you had was too fragile to excuse a mistake like that."
"I know."
"And now? What are you gonna do?"
"I wish I knew."
***
"I'm sorry."
"Okay."
"Will you accept my apology?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know if you're serious."
"I am."
"You said that before."
"I meant it then and I mean it now."
"If you meant it, then how come you didn't act as if you meant it?"
"My brain was mush the moment I saw you standing naked in front of me."
"And that's supposed to make me trust you?"
"I'm sorry."
"You said that already."
"I lost control over my emotions."
"Yes, you did."
"D'you think you're able to forgive me?"
"Maybe. But even if I do forgive you, how can I trust you again? How can I be sure that you won't loose control the next time this happens?"
"You mean... You mean it could happen again?"
"No. It was a hypothesis."
"Oh."
"Look, Josh, I believed you when you said you changed, and you just convinced me, so I still do. But this isn't a matter of changing, it's a matter of self-control."
"You're not mad, are you?"
"No. Not anymore. I was, at first. I had this flashback, had the impression you wanted things go back to the way before. But then I calmed down and realized I was wrong, and what you just said proved to me that you didn't want things go back to the way they were."
"No. I just want you."
"I know. And that makes me even more sad, because I want you, too, but I know that I can't let it happen."
"Why?"
"It would be like a bomb that can explode every moment."
"You mean I could loose control again and then it would be like it was before? That I'd use you again?"
"Yes."
"I'd never do this to you again. And I can learn to control myself."
"How?"
"I'll think of something."
"Okay."
"Can I stay the night?"
"Sorry, but no."
"Can I kiss you?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks."
***
"Joey, I need your help."
"For what?"
"You have to tie me to Justin's bed."
"Excuse me?"
"Naked."
"Why?"
"So we can be together and he doesn't have to be afraid of me loosing control."
"You mean you want him to, uh... make love to you while you're tied up?"
"Yes."
"You think that's a good idea?"
"Can you think of something else?"
"No."
"See?"
***
"Joshua? Josh, what..."
"Hi Justin."
"Why are you..."
"Because I want you to make love to me, and like this, you won't have to worry about me loosing it again."
Justin sat down on the bed heavily, reaching out a tentative hand to stroke the brunette's chest. "It shouldn't be like this."
JC nodded, following the movements of Justin's hand with his eyes. "I know. But I want to be with you, and this is the only way I can be sure that I won't do something I might regret later."
"I don't want it to be like this."
"Justin, please! It's the only chance we have."
Slowly, hesitantly, the younger man shook his head. "No, it's not. We can work on your self-control together. I'll help you."
"How?"
"I'll teach you when you have to stop."
"You're untying me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"So you can start undressing me."
JC sat up, stretched, then got to his feet and approached Justin who was standing in the middle of the room, waiting for him.
"I can?" he asked, just to be sure.
Justin nodded.
Okay, the shirt first. One button, two buttons,... Oh, screw it, who needed buttons, anyway? Might as well just tear it open.
A hand covered his as he moved to open the belt.
"Slow down, Josh. We're not in a hurry."
JC stopped, looking up. Meeting Justin's gaze, he smiled sheepishly and leaned forward to capture the younger man's lips in a gentle kiss while his hands, calmer now, unbuckled the belt and opened the zipper.
Justin's jeans slid over his hips and down to his ankles, and the blonde shook it off. JC took a step back, clenching his hands to fists in order not to yank down the boxers as well.
"Come here, Josh."
JC didn't hesitate to follow the order and was immediately enveloped in a strong embrace, a young body pressing against him, all that still separated them the cloth of Justin's boxers.
"Loosen up a bit. There's no need to look as if I'm your boss and about to fire you any second."
"Okay."
He tried to relax, he really did, but feeling Justin so near did nothing to ensure him that he would be able to hold on to what little control was left. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Can I... Your boxers?"
"Yeah."
This shouldn't be too hard. All he had to do was pull them down, and then move in for a kiss. Pull down, and then...
He felt Justin tense, and immediately, he drew back his hands as if they had been burned, one from Justin's cock, the other from massaging the blonde's ass. JC almost stumbled into the bed, mumbling incoherent apologies, not daring to look at Justin.
To say the least, he was surprised to feel the mattress shift and then having the younger man's body on top of him, shushing him by placing a finger on his lips.
"Shh. It's okay, Josh. It happens. It's okay."
"It's not. I lost control. Again."
"No, you didn't."
"But..."
"You felt me tense and you stopped right away. You didn't loose control."
"I shouldn't have made you tense in the first place."
"Josh, I don't expect you to be perfect, okay? We have quite some history, and things that would be normal for everyone else can be awkward for us. That's something we'll have to work on, and it'll get better with time. So if I tensed, then it wasn't because of you, but because I couldn't shake off one or two not-so-nice memories."
"It's my fault that you have those."
"It is. But you changed, Josh. You're forgiven."
"But not forgotten."
"Not yet. I'm trying to forget about it, but it's hard."
"How can I help?"
"Just... Can we stay like this tonight? Just sleeping and not doing more? I think that would help."
"Okay."
***
"Did it work?"
"Yes. Not quite as I expected, though. Better."
"What happened?"
"We decided that we had to get through it together."
"That's probably the best decision you could make."
"It is."
"So you didn't have sex?"
"No, not really."
"Not really?"
"I undressed him, and then we went to sleep."
"That's it? That was enough for you?"
"Yeah."
"Know what, JC? I think you and Just are going to be alright."
"I hope so. I think we will."
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