'No Way Out' Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I am not pretending to know the sexual orientation of anyone in NSYNC. I don't know them and I'm not implying anything about their sexuality or beliefs. This is FICTION. If you are too young to be reading this, leave now. Or stay, just don't get caught. And if you are homophobic, I suggest you leave now.
I'm baaaack. ::grin:: How is everyone? Here I am with yet another story. This one has a set plot line, and I promise it won't turn into a soap opera. The beginning is kind of dark, but bear with me. Everything is happening for a reason. When the story is written in first person, it's from Justin's point of view --------------------
It was dark in the bus. Dark and quiet. Justin was the only one on it already. The other guys had gone clubbing, but Justin hadn't felt like joining. Like so many times in the past months, he had completely withdrawn himself and refused to even look at his friends. They were worried about him, but they had given up talking to him.
It hadn't always been like that. At the beginning, Justin had been so open, so caring and giving. He had been exactly what he still pretended to be in public. The only difference was that now, it was only a show. He wasn't the fun loving kid anymore that he had used to be. Things had changed, and now everything was so difficult.
Justin sighed and hugged his legs closer to his chest. The darkness and quiet was calming him down, and the tears he had been shedding were drying on his cheeks. He opened his eyes and stared into the black nothingness that was the bunk above him. JC's bunk. That thought was all it took to start his tears anew. Why couldn't it be easier? Why can't live be simple?
**I wish...oh damn it. I don't know what I wish. I can't wish that JC loves me. He's my best friend! I can't feel anything for him. I can't. Yet, my day is not complete until I see him. I'm in a bad mood when he's feeling bad. When he's hurt, I feel his pain. He's everywhere!
My head hurts. Isn't there a legal limit to the pain and confusion that a guy my age should be experiencing?
I don't even remember when I started questioning. It must've been shortly after NSYNC started. I grew up in a very liberal household and found nothing wrong with the fact that I had feelings for men as well for women. I didn't wanna put a label on myself, though. I decided to just take it as it comes. I was comfortable with that for a very long time. In fact, I was comfortable with it until about a month ago. That's when JC came out to us. I promised him that things wouldn't change. We had always been so close, I wouldn't push him away over that! Little did I know that the exact opposite would happen. I found myself developing a crush on JC. At first I was able to just will these feelings away, but now they are everywhere. I can't even have a normal conversation with him for fear of saying something wrong, something to give me away.
The thing that kills me the most is the fact that I would actually have a chance with him if only I weren't so scared of ruining our friendship. And I'm scared to death of what he will think of me.
He knows about me. I told him a shortly after he came out. I felt that he deserved to know, since I knew about him. Besides, I wanted someone to know about it. Someone who would understand. And who would understand better than JC?
If only there was something I could do about these feelings inside of me. **
It was only about an hour later that the guys came back from their night out. Justin had cried himself to sleep, and he didn't even wake up when JC noisily made his way up to the top bunk.
JC lay awake for quite some time. Although physically worn out from the dancing, his mind wasn't tired yet. He was thinking about Justin. He knew that there was something bothering his best friend. Everyone had noticed. If only he would open up to someone, talk to someone. JC sighed. The worry about his best friend was eating him from the inside out and there was nothing he could do until Justin was ready to talk.
In the adjacent bunk, Lance was harboring similar thoughts. He was first and foremost concerned as a friend, but as the head of the group he was also worried how Justin's behavior would affect their music and performances. They were in a middle of a tour and Justin's problems, whatever they were, were putting a strain on all of the guys. Finally fatigue took over his mind and he let the thought slide. He wasn't going to find a solution for this problem tonight.
Only about three hours later, the light of dawn began to creep into the bus through the numerous windows in the front of the bus. Justin was already up, sitting in the 'kitchen' and munching on his cereal. In the morning he always felt a little better. He would wait for JC in a kind of nervous anticipation, and as soon as he'd see JC he'd feel uncomfortable and awkward. That's were the day would turn bad and get progressively worse until it was time again to go to bed. There his emotions would take over and he would lie in the darkness and cry himself to sleep.
The only time that he still felt like his old self was when they were out on the stage, singing and dancing. No matter how bad he felt, on stage nothing mattered but the music and the audience. There he could let lose and push all his problems away.
But now it was still early and Justin was enjoying the solitude. The guys wouldn't be up for a while. It had gotten late last night and they didn't have to be at the stadium until that afternoon. So he leaned back on the chair, stared out the window, and pretended that JC didn't even exist. ------------------------- Ok, here we go. The first chapter of my new story. As usual, feedback is appreciated. Tell me what you thought of it and if I should keep going. Take care j