Jade-
Hmm. I thought Adam was going to give like, actual advice on a relationship, not an obvious statement like he did. Oh well.
School was well into the year by now. It was only September 9th, but I already felt it needed to be the end of the year. I'm sure Noah felt the same. On the bright side, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas' birthday today.
"I saw that yesterday" Noah said out of the blue on the bus ride to school.
"Saw what?" I asked.
"We were at the movies yesterday when that cute curly haired guy walked by us & you checked him out" he said with a smile.
"Nu-uh" I replied.
"Ya-huh."
"Nu-uh."
"Ya-huh."
"Hey, how'd you know he was cute in the first place? You must have looked to see what he looked like. That means you checked him out, too" I pointed out.
"No, I thought I saw something on his head" he said uneasily.
"His face maybe?" I smiled.
"Shut up!" we heard from behind us. We looked behind us. Colin's head popped up. He looked tired, as usual.
"Do you guys know how obnoxious you are when you do this?"
"About as obnoxious as you when you do that?" I answered, referring to him butting into our conversation.
"I'm tired guys. Stop talking so much" he said, putting his hand on his head.
"Stop listening" I said.
He gave me a mean look & went back to sitting in his seat. We reached the school a few minutes later. At the last minute, before I got up & got off the bus, I turned to Noah.
"You ARE kind of obnoxious" I said with a laugh & left before he could stand up & catch me.
Later on in the day, I was in the bathroom, finished with my business, when Noah walked in.
"Thanks for the double-hit on the bus. Call me obnoxious & then ditch me. Such a gentleman" he said with a frown, but there was a smile in his voice. I walked over to him, checking to see no one was coming in. I kissed him quickly on the lips.
"Well, a gentleman always treats a lady with respect" I whispered, with a another kiss.
"Ha-ha."
"Ya know, since we're the only ones in here..." I trailed off, walking over to one of the stalls & opening the door. I stood there & smiled wickedly at Noah. He didn't get it at first, but I knew he knew what I meant when his eyes got wide & his jaw dropped open with a smile.
"Oh my God, you...you're not serious. Please tell me you're kidding" he said.
I just kept grinning at him.
"A hotel room, a restaurant, an attic is one thing" he started.
"Actually it's 3 things."
"You know what I mean. Those are different. This is a public bathroom. We'll get caught" he explained.
"The restaurant was public & you didn't have any problem there" I said.
"Yeah but that was in the comfort of our seat, no one looks there. I don't know about you, but when I really need to go, I look under the doors to see if it's occupied by someone."
"I know why you REALLY look" I said with a chuckle.
"Shut up. I'm not fooling around in the school's bathroom & that's final" he ended, standing his ground. He started to walk out of the bathroom but I got to him before he could open the door.
I kissed him hard but passionately on the lips. I softened up a bit & then moved my way to kissing him on the neck near his ear. He didn't object to any of it but I could tell he was anxious. I slowly walked him back into more of the bathroom, more specifically to the stall.
"Jade..." he said partly out of debate, partly out of the feelings he had in his body right now. I could tell he was getting harder by the second & I hoped I could get rid of it before each of our teachers realized we had been gone longer than the average person.
I walked us into the stall. I sat on the seat with him on me. I continued to kiss him as I let my fingers ran through his hair & then down over his back. I knew he loved it. He always had. Even when we took baths together as kids, I remember him almost phasing out, having his eyes a little closed & breathing heavily when his mom or dad, or my mom or dad would give us our baths & washed his back.
I began to kiss him slowly between his shoulders & his neck. His body sank a little in relaxation. I was trying to feel his dick on my stomach if it was hard, but I couldn't feel anything. He wasn't aroused, he just wanted to enjoy this.
One of my hands found its way to his front. I started to unbutton the first 2 buttons, but that's when he took my hand in his. He stopped me. He looked up at me & smiled weakly.
"I can't" he said. I understood & nodded reluctantly.
He got up & we both left the stall. Just as we were about to get the door to leave, Mark Lole walked into the bathroom. He gave us a funny sort of look, like he was suspicious of something. We both left the bathroom.
Our rooms were in the same area, so we walked together. A kid in our grade walked by us & kind of chuckled when he looked at Noah. After he walked by, I looked at Noah. His hair was messed up & the top 2 buttons on his flannel shirt were unbuttoned, exposing a good amount of his hairless chest.
"Fix yourself up a bit. Even though we didn't do anything, it looks like you did."
Later that day, when I got home, I went down to my room. Noah stayed after school to help with the yearbook committee.
I went into my closet & took out my journal. I hadn't gone through it in a long time. I read some passages.
"Dear Journal,
Well I'm going with Noah & his dad to Cali tomorrow for Thanksgiving vacation. I'm so excited, but for 2 reasons. One is that...I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA!. The other is that maybe it'll give him & I some time alone together This could be my chance to tell him how I feel. I'm just going to have to do it. I hope he's at least going to accept me. I don't know if he'd be ok with me being gay & crushing on him, but I hope we can remain friends at the least."
I smiled to myself. We're a lot more than just friends now.
I flipped several pages back.
"Dear Journal,
I've finally accepted that I'm in love with Noah. I know I'm only 12, but still, I love him. I wonder if I could ever get the guts to tell him I think I'm gay, let alone say I'm in love with him. I don't think I will. He's my best friend. I'd rather keep him as a best friend & not risk anything. I guess this will just have to be my dirty little secret."
I read one more entry from when I was younger.
"Dear Journal,
Today was my 9th birthday party. I think I looked pretty cute in my cowboy sheriff suit that Mandy gave me. She used her extra 18th birthday gift money to get it for me. She loves me so much. But I think I looked really cute in it. Noah looked cute in his deputy suit but he's kind of the only one not having any fun, it looks like. I think he's still upset about his mommy, 'cause it was only like 2 months ago. He looks so sad. I keep wanting to go over & hug him; both for helping with my party & to make him feel better. Mommy says kisses make everything better, so if I kissed him on the cheek or something, maybe he'd feel better, but I don't think boys are suppose to kiss other boys."
I remembered that party. Noah looked so broken up about his mom, I just wanted him to feel happy again. How could I have enjoyed my dream cowboy surprise birthday party when I knew my best friend in the world was hurt?
I got up & walked over to my nightstand & picked up that picture of Noah & I in Santa Barbara over that Thanksgiving vacation. We were standing on top of that hill overlooking the ocean & that guy in his 20's took a picture of us. We were right to each other. That was the day we became lovers, not just best friends.
His mom loved him a lot & he loved her (& so did I). I promised that I would not be the next person who loved him, or that he loved, to leave him.
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