The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.
Hello everyone,
First off - sorry. I never intended to post this late. I was actually out of the country for a couple of months. I even thought about ending the story after Chapter 12 for a number of different reasons. But, ultimately, I thought I've put in so much work and I should at least finish the story - so I will.
Because I've been asked about notifications and group pages I have finally created one. The group page is on Yahoo and is called "mrestories" though for some reason it does not show up in the search. I will use this to send out notifications when a new chapter is up. You can join in two ways (I think). Visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mrestories Or send an email to: mrestories-subscribe@yahoogroups.ca
I will also find some perks for joining the group, like perhaps sneak peeks or spoilers or something else (I haven't decided yet). I'll probably post here first before on Nifty.
As always I welcome your thoughts and opinions (good or bad) at mr_e08@hotmail.com or through the group page.
Now, enjoy the chapter.
Ethan.
------------- Chapter 13 -------------
*Please note there are time changes in this chapter (the last time I do this I hope). This chapter is set over the last few weeks. The Present day is "Saturday November 6th." Time changes are indicated as such (--- DATE ---).
Thanks.
*** NOAH *** --- Present: Saturday November 6th ---
Life is funny, odd, unexpected. It really likes to mess with your head; throw you off course. There are times in life when you get so certain something won't happen that when it does you have no idea how to react. Even though you've dreamt and thought about it countless times it becomes some foreign concept. We fight reality and take sanctuary in delusion. Perhaps that's our defensive instinct kicking in - we don't want to be set up for a fall.
We convince ourselves it's all just a dream. Any moment now our eyes will open and it will all be gone. Today this is exactly how I feel. I'm caught in a dream, one sweet, sweet dream.
I'm lying in bed like I would be on any other Saturday morning. Half of the blanket is on top of me, and I am on top of the other half. The bed is in disarray, with pillows, sheets and the blanket thrown about in all directions. That's how it usually is on any given day.
But today something is different. I'm not in bed alone.
Lying beside me is a soul peacefully asleep. His face is turned towards me, with his hair thrown across his forehead. His body slowly rises and falls. He barely moves or makes any noise.
The moment is almost too perfect to believe. I'll wake up at any moment.
Well if it is a dream I might as well make it one to remember. I shift over and slowly bring my lips close to his. They are just about to touch when the next thing I know I've been pinned down. It happens all too quickly. An arm comes flying out around my waist; I'm rolled onto my back and the next thing I know he is on top of me.
"Good morning," he says with a 'I got you' kind of smile on his face.
"Morning Jordan. I thought you were sleeping."
"Ah, so you were trying to take advantage of me?" he says with a playful grin on his face.
"Of course not. Just checking to make sure you're real and I'm not going crazy."
He leans in and plants his lips on mine. Even though I have felt his lips countless times, every time we touch I feel a new energy inside of me.
"Does that convince you?" he asks.
"Nope, I think I need a bit more convincing."
The last few weeks have been, well, how does one put it ... interesting, unexpected and simply amazing to say the least.
This is one November weekend I don't think I will ever forget.
--- Friday October 15th ---
His body is close to mine. We're pressed up together against the door. There is this energy in the room, inside me, I don't think I have ever felt before. Jordan is holding onto me tightly, as if his life depends on it.
He wants to be with me. There is this honesty in his voice, his manners and in his eyes I can't ignore. He wants to be with me. It starts to sink in as I loosen up.
He wants to be with me.
I start to ease up - bring down the barricades I've erected throughout all these years. I can feel Jordan - feel the passion within him. That's all I need.
Our moment of bliss is broken by the intrusive sound of the phone ringing. It snaps me back to reality - the reality of Jenn.
I manage to get one hand free and place it on his chest. He moves his lips from mine but remains close.
"I should probably get that," I say.
"Yeah, I guess you should."
I move away but fall back when I realize Jordan is still holding onto my other hand.
"We're in this together," he says.
"I know."
He lets go of my hand.
What am I going to say to Jenn? I try to recompose myself. This is not going to be a fun conversation.
"Hello."
There is silence on the phone for a few seconds. When she speaks it's slow and soft. "Hey Noah."
Her tone, style and delivery of speech are all off. Clearly she is upset - really upset.
"Hey Jenn. How are you?"
"I've had better days ... "
"Is everything okay?" Of course I know it's not! I'm the world's worst friend. I feel like such an ass.
Silence.
"Jordan broke up with me ... "
Shocker. "Oh. I'm so sorry Jenn."
"Thanks ... I guess."
"You okay?" Clearly she isn't!
"I guess so. I really liked him and I honestly don't know what happened. Everything was going really well ... and then just out of the blue he breaks up with me."
"Did he say anything?" I had to at least pretend like I didn't know anything.
I glance over at Jordan. He's sitting on the couch, just staring at the wall. I can tell from the blank expression on his face he feels like as big of an ass as I do.
"Well he came over a while ago. We were supposed to go out tonight and he just broke up with me. It came out of the blue. He didn't give any reason. He just said it was something to do with him."
"Oh .. " What do I even say? How do I comfort her? I would usually talk badly about the guy she broke up with but in this case that doesn't seem like the right thing to do.
"I honestly don't understand what happened. It's probably because I'm high maintenance and have such a strong personality," she continues.
"Jenn that's nonsense. I'm sure it had nothing to do with you - you're a great person. Your personality is what makes you - well, you. It's the best thing about you. As you say he did say it was more to do with him."
"Well of course he would say that - it's a line - everyone says it to be nice."
"Maybe he really meant it."
"Unless you forgot you're my friend and you should be taking my side, not his."
"I'm not taking his side. Of course I support you."
"I even asked him if it had something to do with you."
"Oh ... " Shit what do I say! Of course it has a lot to do with me.
"Something was up at lunch today. You two were acting so strange. I've seen the two of you guys together before and that is not how you act."
"That's all in the past Jenn and it doesn't matter, all that matters is how you feel." That's my lame attempt to steer the conversation away from Jordan and me.
"I don't know how I feel. Right now I just want to crawl into bed with a tub of ice cream."
"It's just a temporary feeling. By tomorrow I'm sure you'll realize this is an opportunity to find someone new - someone as energetic and as loud as you are. I promise you Jenn, there is a guy with a strong personality out there waiting to be with you. You'll find him - just give it some time."
The conversation drags on for a while. Jordan just sits there on the couch. He doesn't move, twitch or do anything. He very well could be mistaken for a statue. I know Jenn deserves the truth but I don't have the guts to tell her. Besides it really isn't the right time now. She is upset and it will only make matters worse. After another 15 minutes she hangs up. I walk over towards Jordan and sit beside him. Neither of us saying anything for a few minutes.
Jordan is the first to break the silence. "I'm so sorry man."
"I know."
"How is she?"
"Pissed at you, but she''ll be okay."
"I didn't want it to end this way but I just couldn't drag her along. It wasn't fair to her."
"You're right. I didn't have the heart to tell her about us. I thought it would be too soon."
"Yeah," he says.
"Plus I think we need time to just figure out what we're doing you know ... "
He looks up at me. He takes hold of my hand and wraps his fingers around mine.
"Yeah I think so. This is all so new to me. Where do we go from here? What do we do?"
"Well, I'm no expert in gay relationships but I guess it's the same as any straight relationship. I think we should take it slow and see how things develop."
"Okay ... "
"And we'll figure it out together as we go along."
"I like that. So what do we do now?"
"Well Jenn asked me to drop by her place."
"Oh."
I can tell he is disappointed. I think he wanted to talk and figure out what was going on.
"Sorry Jordan."
"It's okay, it's fine. It makes sense. You think I should tag along?"
"You know what, I think so. I think she would really appreciate that."
"Yeah, or kick the crap out of me. But in all seriousness, how are we going to hang out around Jenn?"
"That's going to be a problem. Us hanging out in public is just two guys hanging out. But in front of Jenn ... " I trail off.
"We're not even working together anymore and now she hates me, so not sure how we even explain our friendship."
"Yeah, the thing with Jenn is if she doesn't like someone than I shouldn't like them either."
"So what do we do?"
"I guess we don't tell her for now. Give her some time to get over everything. After that I guess I have to try and convince Jenn you're a good guy somehow. Not sure how I am going to do that with all of your very apparent flaws, but I will try."
"Well my flaws are what make me so attractive to you." He says finally with a smile on his face.
"Sure, if you believe so."
"So, I guess I should head out then."
I don't want him to leave but I don't really have any other choice.
"Yeah ... "
"I'll call you tonight ... or wait, if you're at Jenn's place that might not be good. Promise you'll call me when you get back from Jenn's place?"
"I promise."
"Good night Noah," he says as he reaches for the door knob.
"Jordan wait, you forgot something."
He turns around, "what?"
This time I move in quickly, pressing his body up against the door. My hands are all over him in mere seconds. Our lips meet as I devour the moment. A few seconds later I step back.
"A parting gift to remember me by. Good night Jordan."
"Good night Noah."
*** JORDAN *** --- Present: Saturday November 6th ---
"How's that?" I say to Noah.
He's lying underneath me with a huge grin on his face, his cheeks turning red. He's blushing. Even now after these few weeks of being together he's still the same shy, nervous, clumsy guy.
"Better," he says.
"Good, so we have established I am real. Whether or not you're crazy, well ... the jury is still out on that one."
He opens his mouth to say something in protest but I quickly give him a light, soft kiss and roll off of him. I prop my head up using my right arm and stare at him. I'm not sure why but he looks so much cuter today.
My relationship with Noah has been slow to start - which is fine - it's what we agreed on. I'm kind of glad we haven't rushed into anything. I have ruined relationships like that in the past. Last night though for us was a big step. I'm surprised I am waking up here today. In the past few weeks Noah or I would always end up going back to our own home. But last night was the first time I stayed over.
"How are you feeling?" I ask him.
"I'm okay, a bit soar though."
Last night got a little ... rough, you could say.
"Yeah, but it was really good, I'm glad we ... thanks."
"I enjoyed it - not as bad as I thought it would be - didn't hurt as much."
"We'll work on it, it takes a bit of time. But it will be worth it."
We stay in bed for a while, just soaking in the atmosphere. It's been a busy few weeks. After mid-terms came the nightmare of essays and projects. Some of those are done now - but I have many more in the next week ahead. Just a few more weeks and the semester will be over. Time sure does fly by fast.
The rest of the time I have been busy with volleyball practice, swimming, working and spending as much time as I can with Noah. It's been difficult though. Jenn still doesn't know anything. It's complicated everything because since we broke up she spends a lot more time with Noah now. I only ran into her once while I was with Noah and it was not good. So it hasn't been easy - but we've managed.
We've sure come a long way ...
--- Saturday October 16th ---
I didn't want to leave Noah's apartment but I didn't have a choice. It made sense for him to make sure everything was okay with Jenn, or basically clean up my mess. And what a mess I made! I just hope Jenn will be able to forgive me and move on.
Noah called me quite late at night - around 2 a.m. I was waiting up the entire time for his call. As each minute passed I think my blood pressure went up just a bit. I was starting to get very worried when finally my phone rang. He told me about their conversation and how hurt Jenn was. It didn't seem like we would be able to tell her anytime soon.
Since we can't be seen in public we decide it is best we just meet privately for now. I'm just on my way to Noah's apartment actually. It's technically our first date.
It took me forever getting ready. I'm not one to be picky with what I wear - but tonight is different. I really want to start this relationship off well, especially since we already have so many obstacles to overcome. After I think about 2 hours I finally picked an outfit I was happy with.
"Hey Noah,"
"Hi Jordan, come on in."
"Thanks. Wow whatever you're making smells great."
"Thanks. Let's just hope it tastes as good."
"I'm sure it will."
Noah is a fantastic cook. I on the other hand can't even boil rice to save my life. Some people just don't have the skills to do it I guess - or at least that is my poor excuse.
"So tell me," Noah starts, "when did you start to like me, you know, in a different way?"
"You know man I'm not sure. I guess there were a lot of things going on that played into one another. I make friends pretty easily but with you it was different from the start. I've been great friends with John and Eli for years yet I found it easier talking to you about breaking up with Kate. I guess because I didn't know you and you were so helpful with taking me to the hospital. You brought over food for me which was super nice. Then just getting to know you in English class as well. You have such a great personality that you hide. I love your humour - it's a bit dark and sarcastic but it's very you. I always felt I could be me around you and that made me feel good I guess. And then I started having dreams with you in them ... "
"What kind of dreams?"
"Uh, well, x-rated dreams actually ... "
"What?" A great big smile comes across his face. "I'm very intrigued, please continue."
"Well you and me together in very intimate ways. I remember seeing you kiss Sebastian. That night when I went home I dreamed that was me kissing you ... " Wow I am getting very embarrassed. It feels like someone has really turned the heat up. Noah on the other hand is loving all of this.
"Really, wow. Was I any good in your dreams?"
"Oh, the best - but much better in real life. So when I started having those dreams I started freaking out. I was really confused as to what was going on. That's part of the reason why I started dating Jenn - but as you know that didn't work either. That just turned into a bigger mess. So that's my story. How about you - when did my charm start to impress you?"
"Your charm - not so much. But when did I start to like you ... well ... to be honest with you I'm not sure. As you know I don't have many guy friends so getting to know you was great. English class was actually fun for once. And I would have much rather worked with you than zit face."
"Oh god, right, zit face ... "
"You're just a tad bit better looking."
"Uh-huh ... "
"Fine, like ten billion times better - but don't let that get to your head. And to be honest with you I thought you were just a dumb jock when I met you ... "
"What! A dumb jock! Well I hope you think differently now ..."
"Yeah, I've changed my mind just a bit. And that was what surprised me that you could carry on a decent conversation. But then when I met Sebastian he started saying you didn't like me and so I just got really confused and angry."
"So is that why you were so angry at my birthday party?"
"Yep. But what was up with you? If I recall you weren't all that friendly either."
"Well it really bugged me that you were hanging out with Sebastian ... I was jealous."
"You were jealous of me!?"
"Oh shut up, yes, I was jealous of you. Actually do you remember that time I found you in the park and you were all so confused and wouldn't tell me about it - I thought you had confided in Sebastian and that really pissed me off."
"Oh, that makes so much sense now."
"By the way, what was up with you and sitting on the rock all depressed?"
"That was the afternoon Sebastian came up to me and said he knew I was gay. It really freaked me out because I had been trying to hide it for so long and then someone knew."
He tells me about his whole high school experience and how he had tried to be straight when he came here.
"So that's why you dated that girl. That's why when I found out you were gay I was so shocked - and kind of ran away as you probably remember."
"Kind of ran away? You freaked out and sprinted away! Yes, I remember," he says.
I tell him about how and why I ran away from here and went back home for Thanksgiving.
"Wow you were really confused then about being with me," he says. "What made you change your mind?"
"Not being able to find out that day when I kissed you. Everyone kept telling me that you need to live life and how short it is. I thought I had lost my chance, so when I found you I thought it was time to let go and just do it. Also it was so weird how the book, 'Mrs. Dalloway' was so similar to what was going on in my life. The whole ideas of being gay and happy. Such a weird coincidence that the book we were reading would connect to our lives in so many ways. So yeah, when I saw you I went for it. And I'm really glad I did."
"Yeah, so am I."
"Well clearly you weren't going to do anything about it."
"Well you knew I'm gay - I thought you were straight - so I didn't want to get punched in the face for kissing you."
"Oh such stupid excuses. So tell me then, who is a better kisser, Sebastian or me?"
"Really? You're going to go down that road?"
"Yep, I am."
"Well before I give my verdict perhaps a reminder session would only be fair."
"You know what, I think that would be the only right thing to do ... "
*** NOAH *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --
I look into Jordan's blue eyes. He smiles back at me. My heart melts a little. He takes his foot and rubs it against my leg.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks. "You look so deep in concentration."
"Oh nothing. Just ... I'm thinking about how we've managed to come so far."
"Yeah we have."
"Did you ever imagine you'd be waking up in bed next to a guy?" I ask.
"Honestly back in September I would have said no - not a chance."
"Same. It's so surreal you know?"
"Yeah it is - but I sure am glad to be waking up next to you."
"Be honest with me, do you regret jumping the boat. Ditching girls for a guy?"
"Nope, I don't regret it. It's been great getting to know you better. These past few weeks have been amazing. I've enjoyed all of it. I still sometimes have difficulty accepting I am sexually attracted to a guy. I'm past the point of 'it's just a phase' so you don't have to worry about me leaving. But there are days I get very confused and scared - those are the days I'm glad I have you to lean on."
"You can lean on me whenever you want."
"I know and so can you."
"But I want more ... " I say.
"What do you mean?"
"I want to be with you outside of these four walls."
"Noah I would love that but you know I'm not ready to be out yet. This is still all so new to me."
"I'm not saying we need to be public. We can just be two guy friends hanging out. We won't hold hands or anything."
"But what about Jenn? She still doesn't know anything."
"That's the problem. I've been thinking it's time we tell her. But I wanted to know if you are okay with her knowing about us as a couple."
"I know she's your best friend and I assume she is someone we can trust, but I'm not sure I'm ready for even her to know."
"Well, the other option is I tell her I'm still friends with you. At least this way we can be friends in public."
"Do you think she will be okay with that?"
I honestly have no clue. I still remember the first time Jenn saw me with Jordan. It was not fun ...
--- Wednesday October 27th ---
Life's good. It's been one and a half weeks Jordan and I have been dating. Today we had our English class together. It's good the professor likes us again. He stopped assigning Jordan a seat at the front and we can now sit together. Both of us though are a bit more cautious of how friendly we are in public. I'm still a bit nervous people will draw the wrong - or well in this case - right conclusion. Even though I am a bit hesitant - this really is the only time Jordan and I are together outside of my apartment or his dorm room - so we still do have fun.
For example, there's our good friend zit face. It would be a good idea actually to learn his name - but zit face suits him so well. Today he has his presentation and wow am I glad I am not his partner. For one he sucks - and the second I got to meet Jordan because of this class. Anyways - throughout the presentation he keeps picking at a pimple on his face - it is, yes - nasty. He then wipes his hands on his jeans. He comes around giving us handouts of his presentation. Most people touch them with caution, for obvious reasons. Jordan and I can't stop laughing. Good thing the professor also finds all of this funny - because I really don't want to get kicked out of class again.
When the bell finally rings Jordan and I - like usual - make our way out of class.
"You know what," Jordan starts, "I'm going to buy that guy some acne medicine."
"I'm not sure it will help."
"Well it still is worth a try."
"Why do you care so much?"
"Come on I feel bad for the guy. Why are you jealous?"
"HA! Jealous of zit face! I can honestly and truthfully say hell no. Oh my god can you imagine kissing him?"
"I just ate a while ago, don't make me barf."
"Hey some people just have a problem - they can't help it."
"But it's nasty." Jordan says.
"Well not everyone is born with good looks like you. Some of us have to work at it."
"So what - were you acne face in high school?"
"Oh god no. I had acne yes but not that bad. But you know I was - and still am - a nerd and that kind of showed."
"Don't tell me you wore suspenders."
"No I didn't wear suspenders - but I didn't have much fashion sense either."
"What do you mean? I'm curious how did you dress?"
"Nothing stupid but it was not good either."
"Oh man I can just imagine you in high school that was probably a great thing to see. I want to see some pictures!"
"Good thing I don't have any."
"You must have some!"
"I left them all at home so you're out of luck mister," I say.
"Did you wear your pants to your belly button like old men do?"
"Dude, shut up," I say while taking my hand and slapping him on the side, "I wasn't that bad either. Honestly! And I'm not showing you anything."
"Oh man, come on it would be great. I won't laugh I promise."
"You're laughing at me now!"
During this whole conversation neither of us realizes how far we've walked - or that Jenn is standing right in front of us.
"Hi Noah."
It's only when I hear her voice I realize she is here. Crap!
"Hey Jenn!" I say.
"Hi Jenn," Jordan says rather quietly.
Jenn just shoots him a nasty look, grabs me by the arm and walks off.
"What are you doing talking to him?"
"Jenn we just had our English class and we walked out together and I ... "
"So, what? You know what a jerk he is. I thought you didn't talk to him anymore."
"Well I, it was ... "
"I still hate that guy. He is a user. You're right. Remember you once had a fight with him because he said something about you and you got mad and I said don't jump to conclusions ... well you were right - I admit it for the first time. No point even bothering with him. I hate fake people."
"Jenn, I ... " What can I even say to her? She won't even let me finish my sentences.
"Noah just please don't talk to him. I know you have to see him because of class but just leave it at that. He's just a manipulative user."
There's no point in even trying to defend myself. I'm able to turn back and see Jordan still standing there. This sucks.
*** JORDAN *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --
I never thought I would get this close to Noah so quickly. I've started to understand him so much better. For instance right now lying in bed with him I can read him from his eyes. There is this fear in them, this uncertainty. He really doesn't know what to do. It's the way he lowers his gaze and won't look at me in the eyes. The way he tilts his head down. I know he is happy with me - but I know he truly is still torn about what to do about Jenn.
"So what do you think?" Noah asks.
"I don't know. I would love to be out with you as well. Go out for dinner or a movie. But I understand you are afraid to lose Jenn."
"I just don't want to be in a position to choose you or her. I care for both of you."
"And I don't want to put you in that position. Noah, I leave this decision up to you. Whenever you think you are ready to tell her - and she is ready to listen - then go for it. But of course you'd chose me because I'm so awesome!"
"Sure buddy you tell yourself that."
In the last few weeks I've thought about telling John or Aiden - my high school friend in Australia - about Noah. But every time I chicken out. I'm really not sure how John will react. We've never really talked about any topics pertaining to gay people. When he doesn't like something he does say 'that's so gay' to indicate it's a bad thing. Other than that I don't really know how he feels.
Then there is Aiden who I've known for years. He is my best friend. We really did play in the sand box together. He's my version of Noah's Jenn you could say. I talked to him a few days after hooking up with Noah. I told him I had finally done it. Of course he thinks Noah is a girl. I wanted to correct him but I didn't. I was too afraid. I'm not sure how he will react and I don't want to lose him as a friend. This is why I completely understand how Noah is feeling right now and I don't want to pressure him into anything.
There are times when I say I am going to tell my friends. I get this rush of emotions but they quickly go away. It's been so much easier dating Noah out of the public's eye. I think it's given me time to grow as a person and grow more comfortable with the idea of being bisexual. There are still days I question what I'm doing. I wonder if it's the right thing to do. Those are the days I rely on Noah to reel me back in.
I wonder sometimes if I will ever be ready to be out in public. Right now I honestly don't know. All I want is to explore where this relationship goes with Noah. In due time if I feel I am ready I will let my friends know. For now though this is just my secret with Noah.
I knew being with Noah would be difficult. I knew we would have many obstacles to face. But I never knew there would be so many. First there were issues of being in a secret relationship. Then there was the even bigger problem known as Sebasian. I can't say I've handled the latter one very well.
--- Friday October 22nd ---
"Alright I've got the popcorn, the movie is in the DVD player. Looks like we're ready to go," I say.
Noah is over at my place tonight. We're getting ready to watch a movie.
I turn the lights down low and the two of us curl up into bed under a blanket. It feels so good to be next to Noah.
"I can't believe you've never seen 'Lord of the Rings' - have you been living in a bubble?" he asks.
"It's been on my to watch list but I just never got to it. Besides I don't know what the hype is."
"It's such a good movie - one of my favourites."
"Well if we are going to invest, what 9 hours of our time watching it - it better be good."
Throughout the movie I pester Noah with questions.
"So who is that guy? ... Is Gandolf evil? ... Why are the hobbits so small? ... Does Frodo lose the ring?"
"Dude, just shut up and watch the movie!"
I quiet down for a bit but resume my annoying habit a little while later.
"Why does the Elf speak so awkwardly?"
"I don't know - it is actually kind of annoying. But come on anyone with such cool pointy ears is allowed to speak funny."
"You know I think I know why you like this movie now."
"Why?"
"You love the Elf. You think he's hot!"
"This movie is awesome on its own, but hey, some nice eye candy doesn't hurt. Yeahm, Orlando Bloom is hot - but I'm not in love with the elf."
"I'm not so sure about that," I tease him.
"So what do you think?"
"About?" I ask.
"Orlando Bloom. Think he's hot?"
"I suppose so ... yeah ... not ugly ... what are we going to start checking out guys now?"
"You started it. I'm just curious about your taste."
"I don't know. I've never really thought about if a guy is hot or not until recently I suppose."
"So what about Brad Pitt?"
"Over rated."
"George Clooney?"
"I don't see it."
"Let's see who else do people usually find attractive. Leonardo?"
"Can't act."
"So what's your type then?"
"I'm not into Hollywood actors I guess, and even if I was I'm not telling you."
"Oh come on," he says, "there must be an actor you think is hot. You can tell me, I won't get jealous."
"We're not playing this game."
"Oh don't be a chicken."
"You tell me first then," I say.
"No I asked you so you have to answer first."
My phone starts ringing. Saved by the bell.
I look at the phone - it's John.
"Oh, it's only John - I'll let it go to voice mail."
"I'll pry the answer out of you someday," he says.
"Fine. Let me see. Well remember the movie 'Fast and the Furious' the cop - he's hot I'd say."
I don't know why I feel embarrassed calling a guy hot in front of Noah. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole concept of liking guys.
"Paul Walker?"
"Yeah I think that's his name."
"Good choice - I agree. So you're into blonds then?"
"Yep so you should dye your hair blond too. Okay so you tell me now," I say.
"Shhh, this is a good scene."
"You're not getting away so easily!"
"I already gave you one - Orlando Bloom."
"So you're into Elves then, eh? Should I make my ears pointy for you?"
"No. You're not cool enough to pull it off. Okay, really, stop now - this part is important in the movie!"
"Fine."
My phone starts vibrating. I have a new text from John: "Yo man, where are you? Thought we're going out tonight. Be at your place soon."
"Shit!"
"What's wrong?" Noah asks.
"I forgot John had asked me to come out with him tonight. He's on his way here to pick me up." I pause the movie. "I'll give him a call."
"It's okay if you want to go out with your friends, that's fine. We can watch later."
"I would much rather spend my time here with you. Just give me a second."
I dial up John.
"Hey man,"
"Dude where have you been? I tried calling you earlier. Are you almost ready? I should be at your place soon."
"Actually John I am just going to stay at home tonight."
"What? Man you need to get out more. Ever since you broke up with Jenn you just spend your time alone."
I had told John about my breakup with Jenn - though I didn't tell him why. Now he thinks I'm depressed or something.
"I'm fine - just been busy with a lot of school work that's all."
"Well it's a Friday and you have the day off tomorrow so do it then."
How do I get rid of this guy without offending him?
"John I'll go out with you guys another night. I'm honestly really tired tonight. Don't worry about me and have some fun."
"You sure man?"
"I'm sure."
"Alright it's your life. See you later."
"Bye."
I turn back to Noah.
"Sorry about that."
"It's okay. He wanted you to come out with them?"
"Yep. He thinks I am depressed because of my break up with Jenn. To them I'm single again and I should be back out on the party scene. I know these two won't stop bugging me about it. The day I told John about my breakup he was telling me about a different girl I should date. But don't worry I'd much rather spend my time with you. Now okay, back to this never ending movie!"
--- Monday October 25th ---
I am really looking forward to tonight and yet at the same time am sad too. Tonight is my second volleyball game of the season. It's great to be back on the court with my teammates. The problem is Noah won't be here. I had asked him but I knew he wouldn't come. The main reason - Sebastian. I don't blame him for not coming.
Last week Thursday was the first time I saw Sebastian at our volleyball practice. I had a strong urge to punch him and mess up his pretty little face. He deserved it for everything he had put Noah through. Yet I refrained. Instead I just avoided him at all times. It wasn't easy because there aren't that many of us on the team to begin with - and Sebastian is our captain. I was just going to have to live with him.
Practice went okay - he did try to make small talk with me but I was able to avoid him for the most part. Tonight though will be different.
After I get changed I make my way onto the court. Since my foot has completely healed now I am able to play regularly and like I used to before. Unfortunately because of the way the rotation works I get to stand to the right of Sebastian. The idea is that when I am in the centre he can set me - and then vice versa.
The whistle blows and the game begins. Alright - just focus on what you're here to do and avoid Sebastian at all times. I'm standing on the front line to the right - Sebastian is to my left. The ball comes over the net and is passed to me. I can see Sebastian get ready - I'm supposed to set the ball to him - but instead I hit it up high so that it goes over the net. Sebastian gives me a look indicating "what was that?" but I don't respond - we got the point which is all that matters.
Eventually I am back up to the front of the net. Again the ball is passed to me - and I should technically set it to Sebastian - but I don't - I try to tap the ball over myself and it comes up short.
"Sorry guys," I say.
It doesn't really matter we are still winning.
With the end of the second set - not once have I hit the ball to Sebastian. I find some way to avoid him. He just makes my blood boil every time I see him.
Sebastian isn't an idiot. It looks like he can tell I am avoiding him on purpose. When the third set beings he starts to avoid me as well. A number of times we have good opportunities to clinch a point but we blow it. We quickly start to fall behind. It's game point for the other team in the third set. The ball is passed to the front - and both Sebastian and I call it. I'm not going to back down - I called it first. I jump up to spike it - and so too does Sebastian. We end up hitting each other - and the ball falls to the floor.
The coach yells out something. He looks furious.
"What the hell are you two doing?" he asks.
"Nothing coach." I say.
"Then what the hell was that?" the coach asks.
"Bad communication coach, that's all." Sebastian says.
"That's more than bad communication - you two haven't been passing each other the ball all night. We've given up a number of opportunities to spike the ball. I don't know what's going on between the two of you but you better leave it outside this gym. I'm not going to put up with that crap. Now start working together or I am benching both of you - got it?"
"Yes coach," we both say.
Okay - the team is more important that stupid Sebastian. I just have to play professionally. Both of us start to act more civil and we manage to take the last two sets and win the game. Once it is done I try to get out of there as quickly as possible.
"Have a good night guys," I say as I leave the locker room.
I didn't see Sebastian - good. The gym is also much emptier now.
I'm about to exit when Sebastian corners me.
"What the hell is going on?" he asks.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"I don't have time to play mind games Sebastian. If you'll excuse me I have somewhere to be."
He doesn't move. "Jordan don't fuck with me. You were avoiding me on Tuesday during practice. I didn't think anything of it. Tonight - you wouldn't even pass me the ball. I'm not an idiot - you were doing it on purpose. What the fucks your problem?"
"What the fucks my problem? What the fucks your problem! You need to learn how to respect other people. I can't believe I ever thought of you as a friend."
"And what exactly did I do to deserve this type of treatment?"
"Don't act all innocent - you know exactly what I'm talking about - what you did to Noah."
"Oh - so this is what this is all about. Look, not that it is any of your business, I didn't do anything to your stupid little friend okay. He's the fuckin slut ... "
I can't take it anymore. I give in to the anger building inside me and throw a punch towards Sebastian. He's quick - and swings out of the way. He grabs hold of my arm and we start to wrestle with each other. He slams his body weight against me as I hit the wall. I try to get my arm loose but I can't. The struggle only lasts a few seconds.
"Break it off you two!"
It's the coach yelling. Crap.
"You two are lucky I am not going to report this to your departments. What has gotten into you both?"
"Sor ... " Sebastian starts.
"I don't want to hear it. Get your acts together. Both of you are suspended from the team for two weeks - one for your behaviour before and the second for this crap. Don't bother coming to practice or the game. And if I catch you two fighting again - you'll be off the team for good, understand?"
"Yes sir."
"Good - now get the hell out of here before I change my mind."
FUCK!
What the hell is wrong with me? That ass deserved it. I swear he pisses me off so much. I can't believe he would call Noah a slut. What a fucking jack ass. I'm so angry I want to punch something!
I need to calm down. Just calm down. Calm down.
My phone starts to ring. It's Noah.
"Hey Noah."
"Hi Jordan - how was your game?"
"Ah good - we won."
"Congrats - but why do you sound like you just lost."
"Long story."
"What happened?"
"Sebastian."
"What did you do?"
"Why do you think I did something?"
"Just a hunch."
"Well it could have been him."
"Fine, what did Sebastian do?"
"I punched him."
"You what? Jordan!"
"I know, I know it was stupid - he ducked anyways so I didn't actually hit him. He just - ah - he angers me so much. He was calling you names and I just - I couldn't take it. I won't have him speak about you like that."
"Jordan, I'm honoured that you would do that for me - but it's not worth it - he's not worth it. He doesn't matter to me anymore."
"Well it's too late now anyways - the coach saw and suspended us both for two weeks from the team."
"Crap. I'm sorry Jordan."
"You have no need to be, it was my decision. And you know what, I'd probably do the same thing again."
"Just leave him be. I know it's not easy because you see him at volleyball but please Jordan - for my sake - just let it go."
"Fine, if you say so Noah I will try."
"Thanks."
--- Friday November 5th ---
It's the last day of my two weeks suspension from the team. It's been a horrible week. Most of my teammates are pissed. They pretty much all called trying to figure out what happened between Sebastian and myself. I didn't really give any of them details. We ended up losing our next game. Tonight is another one and again I am sitting out.
I hate sitting here when I could be on the court helping my team. But I can't do anything. I tried talking to the coach but he was firm on his decision. He even told me not to come to the game to watch. He really was pissed at what I did and how I acted. He's a good guy but when it comes to discipline he is firm.
Noah can tell how crappy I feel.
"Come on man cheer up. Next week you'll be back with your teammates."
"Yeah I know - but it still sucks. We've been working so hard as a team and I hate that I can't be part of it. If we lose today's game that really isn't good. We need to win. But who knows what's going to happen."
"I'm sure it will be fine."
I try to distract myself but nothing seems to really work.
My phone starts to ring - it's John.
Great. I had been avoiding him as much as possible for the past few days. When the weekend comes around he always wants to go out clubbing or partying. I did go out with him last weekend after Noah insisted. He said it was important to keep our other friendships alive and I agree with him. John still thinks I am all depressed about Jenn and so he took me to a strip club - the same one I went to when I was confused about Noah.
Being back in that building this time was so weird - I wanted to leave. I felt like I was being unfaithful towards Noah. I did tell him what happened and he laughed instead of getting angry. I had to convince John to go somwhere else. I've told both of them I want to take a break from dating and just focus on myself. My whole point was I had two break ups in a short time and I needed time to adjust. For the most part it worked but still my friends could be annoying, which is why avoiding them was easier.
I decide to pick up the phone and the conversation goes as expected. He is going clubbing tonight and wants to know if I want to go along. I tell him no. We argue. He hangs up. During this fun filled conversation Noah ducks into his room. After I hang up he emerges with a volleyball in his hands.
"Let's go."
"Where?"
"Outside."
"Why?"
"You ask too many questions man. If you can't play with your team that doesn't mean you can't play at all. I don't like this moppy Jordan. I'm not that great but I challenge you to a game of volleyball."
I can't help but laugh. "You're serious?"
"Hey, does it look like I'm joking?"
"I guess not."
"Then let's go - there is a basketball court nearby and we will just have to improvise."
This should be interesting.
"Alright now - I'm not good as you know so go easy on me."
"I'll try."
The next half an hour is well ... not like any game of volleyball I have ever played. Noah tries - I'll give him that - but he is right - he's just not the athletic type. He's getting better though. I really do appreciate his effort and trying to make me feel better. Laughing at him actually does distract me.
"As I've said before - his is NOT dodgeball - hit the ball - don't move away!" I yell at him.
"Well it was like coming at 100 kilometres an hour!"
"You're such a drama queen."
"Oh man my arms are going to fall off! I'm like 10 different shades of red."
"Yeah that happens sometimes - especially if you haven't played in a long time."
"They're so soar."
"And will be in the morning."
"Why couldn't you have picked an easier sport - like badminton or something?"
These are the moments - the times that really draw me closer to Noah. He's just always there to support me in whatever I need. He tries to take interest in the stuff I like to do and not just pretend to like it - but he really tries. It's moments like these where those doubts of being gay are washed away and I can really proudly - at least eternally say - I have a boyfriend.
After Noah has managed to trip, fall, miss the ball completely, get hit by the ball in the head and a number of other things we decide to head back to his place - it's getting late.
"Alright man I guess I will head out then. Thanks for the game - it really did help."
"Oh that was nothing - just my way of showing you I really appreciate you standing up for me to Sebastian. Don't do it again of course - but nonetheless I really appreciate it."
"Anytime my man, anytime."
A silence falls between us. It's usually like this as I get ready to leave.
"Alright man," I say, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Jordan wait."
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking perhaps ... " he pauses, "perhaps you could stay here tonight."
"Are you sure about that? You know you don't have to feel obliged to."
"I know. I want you to stay."
"I'd love to."
*** NOAH *** --- Present: Saturday November 6th --
I finally get out of bed by noon. I wanted to get up earlier but Jordan was being a lazy bum.
Once up I smack him with my pillow.
"Okay, get up! We have a lot of work to do this week. I have two essays still to do and so do you. Can't be lazy if you want to get into med school, so get up."
"You know I left home so I wouldn't have to deal with my mom's nagging!"
"Well, now you're stuck with me so get up!"
"Fine, fine, fine."
After having breakfast - or well, actually, lunch - we go out into the little family room to do our school work. It's been a very busy semester. I'm not surprised because it is my third year now.
I'm trying to do my work when I start to feel Jordan's leg rub up against mine.
"What are you doing Jordan?" I ask him.
"Nothing."
"Well we have to get this work done."
"But I'd rather be doing so many other things right now," he says with an evil grin on his face.
"So would I but these essays aren't going to write themselves, are they?"
I turn my attention back to my laptop. I can see from the corner of my eye Jordan is shifting closer to me on the couch. He brings his face to my neck and starts to kiss me. I sigh deeply.
"Jordan, we have so much work to do."
"I know, you're doing yours and I'm doing mine, so stop bugging me."
He continues to suck on my skin, moving up to my earlobe. The one thing I love about Jordan is he is so patient. He loves to take his time, slow and easy. He's even been patient with me about having sex. Last night though was big for us.
I can't concentrate. Could anyone? What with an amazingly hot boyfriend treating you like royalty? I don't think anyone could. I lie back on the couch and just let him take over me - mind and soul. He moves from my earlobe back to my neck and works his way to the other side. His hand finds my nipple and starts to message it. His touch is so soft and gentle.
His lips move up along my cheek and find their way to my lips. I close my eyes and let him take over me. His tongue moves into my mouth as he kisses me with so much desire. His motions are careful and calculated. He doesn't rush but keeps his transitions smooth - driving me crazy and making me want him more and more.
My dick starts to strain against my pants. He is lying on me - I can feel he is hard as a rock as well. He slows down and looks at me. He's trying to see how far I am willing to go. I smile back at him and he pushes my shirt off of me and tosses it to the floor. He makes his way down my chest stopping at me nipples. He begins to chew on them slowly - while his free hand messages the other one.
Fuck he feels so good.
It's getting really hot in here.
I find the edges of his shirt and pull it over his head. His body really is a testament to his athletic skills. His arms are well defined - but not bulky. His whole body seems to be well toned, leading down to some very nice abs. He truly is gorgeous. His lips start to move down my torso, past my belly button.
He stops, looks up at me and puts his hands on my belt.
His eyes stare into my soul. There is a softness there that reflects what he feels for me. I give him a small little nod and he unbuckles my belt. He pulls down my pants and throws them onto the floor. A tent is visible in my boxers. He doesn't pull them off but places his hand on my dick and begins to stroke it. He puts his thumbs into my waistband. He starts to pull down ...
My body aches with anticipation.
What the hell is that sound?
Someone knocks on the door.
"Hey Noah, it's me Jenn."
Even though neither one of us says it out loud - I know we both scream "FUCK" in our heads. My heart beat starts racing a mile a minute. Jordan jumps up off of me.
I get up and put my clothes back on.
"Grab your stuff and just go into my room." I whisper to Jordan.
He grabs whatever he can quickly find and runs into my room.
"Just a minute Jenn."
Okay, relax. I adjust my dick in my pants - which is still rock hard - so it isn't noticeable.
Why did she have to show up now?
Breath. Relax. Breath. Okay. I open the door.
"Hey Jenn."
"Hey Noah, can I come in?"
No, no and no. "Yeah, sure."
"You seem surprised to see me."
"I am."
"Uh, we were going to work on our history paper together remember?"
"No, not really."
"Noah we talked about this two days ago. We said we would meet on Saturday at your place."
"We agreed to meet on Sunday."
"No the 7th."
"Yes, which is Sunday."
"Oh, crap. I don't know where my head is these days. Well, it doesn't matter we can just do it now."
"Um, ah .. " Crap, how the hell do I get rid of her?
"What's wrong man? You seem confused. Are you busy or something?
"Well ... um ... kind of."
She cuts me off.
"Is someone else here?"
"No, just me."
"Then why are there two bags on the floor? That's yours but the other has the school volleyball team logo on it ... "
"It's actually my bag. I got it a long time ago ... ah, during frosh week, they were, they were giving them away."
"Okay, sorry you just seem really off that's all."
"Nothing, everything's fine."
"Okay, so then about the essay for the espionage course," she says sitting down, "what exactly are you writing about?"
I make my way over to the other couch and sit across from her. "I, um ... " I look across to my room, "about the ... "
"Hey you dropped a book under the table."
She leans down to pick it up.
"Why do you have a life sciences text book here?"
"Ah ... "
Her smile slowly starts to fade away as a stern look comes across her face. This can't be good. "Jordan's here."
"What? No, why, ah, how did you come up with that?"
"Noah - don't lie to me. The school bag with the volleyball logo - I've seen Jordan with that bag - and a life sciences book - he's in life sciences. Unless there is some other explanation I really would like to hear it."
Ah crap. This is not going to be good.
*** JORDAN *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --
Shit! Where the hell did she come from?
Oh man things were going so well. Not that I'm complaining but Noah and I were getting really close - when she walked in! FUCK!!
My luck really does suck. I guess it's the only thing that will be sucking tonight. I was so close.
Last night when Noah asked me to stay I thought we would finally have sex - but we didn't. We were fooling around and I was trying to see how far Noah would go but I could tell he was not ready. Having me sleep over for him was a big step as it is. I want to go further with him but I don't want to rush things either. Finally though on the couch we were getting so close when Jenn walked in!
And she doesn't seem to be leaving either.
Crap - my bag! Shit I forgot it on the floor. Good Noah seemed to have covered that well.
"Wait. Jordan's here."
Oh crap.
I can hear Noah is nervous. "What? No, why, ah, how did you come up with that?"
"Noah - don't lie to me. The school bag with the volleyball logo - I've seen Jordan with that bag - and a life sciences book - he's in life sciences. Unless there is some other explanation I really would like to hear it."
Shit. This is not good. We had talked about telling Jenn but not like this! This is bad - really bad.
"I know he's here. Jordan you can come out from wherever you're hiding," she says.
Silence.
Then I hear Noah. "Jordan, come out."
This is going to be fun.
I open the door and walk out into the family room.
"Hi Jenn."
She glares at me before turning back to look at Noah.
"Noah, what the fuck is he doing here?"
"Jenn, calm down ... "
"No, you lied to me Noah, how can I calm down? You knew how I feel about him and yet you still keep meeting him - you're still friends with this fucking asshole!"
"Jenn stop," Noah voice rises as he speaks. "You've said enough. I wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn't. Jordan and I are still friends."
"Still friends? After all I told you about him? After what he did to me you still want to be friends with him? I can't believe you Noah. You know what I'm out of here."
She turns to walk away.
"Jenn wait," Noah calls out to her.
"Look Noah," she says, "it's either me or him so pick one."
"I can't Jenn."
"Then that means you pick him. Some guy over your best friend. I can't believe you Noah."
She walks towards the door. I can't let her leave.
"Jenn wait. Noah is more than just my friend. He's my boyfriend."
She stops and slowly turns around. She looks taken aback. She definitely didn't see that coming.
"Your boyfriend? Since when?"
"It's complicated Jenn," Noah replies.
"Since when?" she asks again.
"Since the day you two broke up," Noah says.
"That's why I broke up with you Jenn," I say. "I was very confused about my feelings for Noah and I didn't think I was bi or gay and I liked you so I went out with you - but the more I got to know Noah the more I realized how much I like him. I didn't think it was fair to you if I kept dating you - so I broke it off. I'm sorry."
"So you're gay too?" she asks.
"Yeah, I guess I am." I say.
"Look Jenn, I didn't want to hurt you. This is why I didn't tell you. You are my best friend and I really care for you - you know that. Then with Jordan - I've wanted this for so long and I couldn't say no," Noah says.
"I don't even know what to say," she says.
"Look, I think I should go," I start to say, "I think the two of you need to talk some stuff out right now."
"No, it's okay. I think I should go," says Jenn. "I have a lot to think about."
"Jenn, please don't go." I see Noah is really upset.
"I have to Noah." She then walks out the door.
Noah looks so down hearted - defeated.
"Go after her. Go. I'll still be here when you get back." I say.
"Thanks man."
Wow - that was ... I don't even know how to describe it. I hope the two of them can patch things up. I know how much Noah loves Jenn and depends on her. I honestly would hate to be the person responsible for breaking up their friendship. I'm not sure I could live with that for the rest of my life.
I don't want Noah's fight with Jenn to come in the way of our relationship either. I'm really falling for this guy. It's weird because we haven't been dating for that long - perhaps 3 weeks. Yet I feel like I know Noah so much better than most people I date. I guess because I have known him now for a bit over 2 months now.
I wasn't planning on telling Jenn about Noah and I being boyfriends and yet I did. I did it because I feel there is something strong between me and Noah. There is potential here. I wanted him to know I don't see him as just a friend and I can tell other people - or at least some people. I know Jenn won't say anything to anyone else. It was a big step to take but I'm glad I did.
Being with Noah has opened up my eyes. I find I am becoming more aware of who I am - not just sexually. I find I have started to notice and pay attention more to other guys - the way they look. I'm not checking them out - Noah really is the only guy I want or need. But I'm starting to slowly - and I should say very, very slowly - come to terms with being with another guy.
I still have days when I get into a panic attack and wonder what the hell I am doing. All the negative feelings over take me. The questions about what am I doing with my life? Can I be gay? This isn't the lifestyle I want to live. Do I want to have kids? I hate these days. They really, really confuse me and depress me. I'm glad they are not as frequent as they were before. I find it helps when I am with Noah because most of my fears start to melt away.
I just hope Noah can patch things up with Jenn. If he can't ... that won't be good for our relationship.
*** NOAH *** -- Present: Saturday November 6th --
"Wait Jenn."
I run after her in the hallway. She stops but doesn't turn around.
"Please just listen to me," I say.
"Noah, I'm not sure there is much left to say."
"Just, just listen then."
"Listen to what," she says while turning around. "Listen to how the day Jordan dumped me you hooked up with him. You came over to my house that night. You lied to me. That whole conversation was one big lie. What possibly can you say now that would make me trust you?"
"I know I don't deserve your trust - I know. But Jenn you're my best friend and you have to believe me when I say I didn't mean to hurt you. And you're right I haven't been completely truthful with you so here goes. Do you remember the night I went missing and Jordan found me?"
"Yes."
"Well he kissed me that night and I kissed him."
"Noah if this is supposed to be making me feel better it isn't - so you hooked up with Jordan even before he broke up with me?"
"No, no, just listen. Me kissing him was wrong and I admit that but I didn't even remember he was dating you - I was just so shocked at what was happening. When I remembered you, I broke it off. He asked me to be with him and I said no. I said no because of you. I couldn't do that to you. But Jordan was persistent. That's why the next day when we went out for lunch it was very awkward between us. You said something was up that day - and that was it. He wanted to be with me and I said no - because of you.
"He decided to break up with you and that's when he came over to my place. And Jenn you have to believe me my answer was still no but I just ... I really wanted it. This whole sexuality thing has been really hard for me. I'm still very confused as to what I am doing - but when I am with Jordan that confusion goes away. I don't feel that same anxiety. Being with him gives me something to hold on to in life and I really like him. I know this is my first relationship with a guy - or at least a proper one - but there is something there. This is not a fling Jenn. I really like him."
She doesn't say anything.
"I've been struggling with this sexuality question for years now. Only now have I started to come to terms with it. Being in a relationship with Jordan has helped me a lot. I finally feel happy. I finally feel true to myself. It's helped me grow so much. But Jenn if you want me to break it off with Jordan I will. If that's what it takes to keep our friendship alive then I will do it. You mean a lot to me. We've been through so much together and I can't imagine letting you go. So if that's what you want I'll do it."
"I can't ask you to do that. I didn't know he meant so much to you."
Thank god! I was really hoping she wouldn't say yes.
"He really does. So does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"
"No - I still am. You should have told me from the beginning. I trusted you and you lied to me."
"But Jenn I couldn't tell you the truth either - the wound was still fresh. It would sting even more if I threw salt on it. I thought I would tell you in time when you had moved on. Plus that would give me time to figure out exactly where my relationship is going with Jordan."
"And where is your relationship going?"
"I really like him - a lot. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I just connect with him. He makes me laugh. I look forward to getting up every day - talking to him - seeing him. But I can't imagine a world where I would have that and not have you. How do I make this right?"
"I don't know. I honestly don't."
"I really don't want to lose you. I will do whatever it takes to gain your trust back."
"Never lie to me again Noah. Never. I don't care what it's about."
"I promise I won't. So we okay?"
"I'm still really angry. Just give me some time."
For the first time I'm not able to talk my way out of an arguement with Jenn. Usually even though she says she is still angry I can tell she isn't. This time though it's different. She really is still angry. I can feel this wall between us. It makes me feel horrible. I won't rest until I break it down.
"So will I see you tomorrow to work on the essay then?"
"I don't know. I'll think about it and call you tomorrow."
"Okay. That sounds fair."
"Well I'm going to take off. I'll see you later Noah."
"Bye Jenn."
It's not the way I would have liked to end things but they aren't that bad either. Jenn will come around eventually I hope. I just have to give her time and space and remind her about why our friendship matters so much.
"So, how did it go?" Jordan asks as I walk in.
"It went okay. I wasn't able to convince her. She's still angry and I don't blame her - I really did abuse her trust. But I think she will be okay in due time."
"Oh that's a relief."
"Yeah. How come you told Jenn about us? I thought you said you didn't want to."
"I didn't at first but it felt like the right thing to do. You're not just my friend and calling you that is wrong. It's an insult for all that I feel for you. You're my boyfriend and I accept that. Does that mean I am going to go shout it out to the world? No. I think we can trust Jenn and I think she had the right to know the full truth. You're my boyfriend and I'm proud of that. And I wanted Jenn to know how much you mean to me."
"Thanks Jordan."
I walk over and look into his eyes. I grab his hand.
"You've been very patient with me and given me my space. I know I've been slow but it just takes me time to fully trust someone. Last night I'm glad you stayed. I wanted to, you know, get closer to you finally, but I just wasn't there. I'm sorry," I say.
"Noah its okay - I don't want to rush you. Whenever you're ready I'll be there for you."
I tug on his hand and nod towards the bedroom.
"I'm ready."
"You sure?"
We walk into my bedroom, hand in hand, in silence. I look again into his eyes and shut the door behind me.
I truly am ready.
End of Chapter 13.
Thank you all for sticking with me! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. We're getting there.
Remember if you have ANY feedback I do love hearing from you - good or bad at mr_e08@hotmail.com or through the group page.
And another reminder:
I have finally created a Yahoo group page. The group page is called "mrestories" though for some reason it does not show up in the search. I will use this to send out notifications when a new chapter is up. I will also post here first. You can join in two ways (I think).
Visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mrestories Or send an email to: mrestories-subscribe@yahoogroups.ca
Till next time,
Ethan.