Ok, so, here's the deal, see. I am the copyright holder of this story. It may not be posted anywhere without my conscent, nor is it allowed to use it on a paysite.
This is my first story involving boy-boy love, so it might not be the greatest of all, but hey, I'm only 16! Anyway, this story will not contain any sex, whatsoever. There might be scenes implying on that the characters do have sex, but if that is the case, the scene will not be graphically described.
This episode's quote is:
Taken from: The Nanny Named Fran Fran: You have much to learn, young Jedi.
BONUS QUOTE: Taken from: The Thumb Wars Darth Vader: Luke, I am your... mother!
Reality bites and loves hurts, But what is the worst? To never love again or to be hurt?
The choice is too hard make, To give and to take, To let go of love,
P.W.
THE MIND OF PHILIP
- Mr. Wester. A male nurse says quietly and walk up to me. - What? I wonder. I had just finished the final preparations for my night at the hospital. A bed, my stuff and Ripley's, in case he wakes up during the night. - It doesn't look like you have to spend the night here. He says quietly. - I don't?! I exclaim and hope fills my body and I smile. - I'm sorry...! He says and the smile fades. - He didn't make it. - No!!!!! I exclaim.
NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 06, part 2 of a 2-part episode Love Hurts
I feel as if my world has been smashed into a million pieces... again! Why? Why did he have to die?! What's that? Shuffling feet? - Ripley! It's his parents again. - Get out, you bastards!! I cry through tearfilled eyes. - Get out of my way! Ripley's father cries. - We want to see our son! - You have no right calling you your son! I spit at him. The father's face is flushed, but the mother's head is bent down in shame. I guess I finally got to at least one of them. - You let him die! I sob. - You had every chance to save him, but you let him die, for you God! Do you know that he'll burn in Hell if Hell actually does exist since he's gay?! Do you even care that he will?! Silence. - You're pathetic. Those were my words. I left.
- We have gathered here today to honor the memory of a young man named Ripley Hansson. The priest began. So, here I am, at a graveyard. Julia and I are at one side of the coffin while Ripley's parents and the rest of his family, friends and relatives are standing on the other. I just glare at the parents with hate and disdain.
THE MIND OF JULIA
- May they burn in Hell. I whisper to Philip. So, we're on holy grounds and it's a funeral, but I can't keep it all bottled up anymore. They deserve to burn in Hell, for what they did! How could they just let him die like that?! How?! - Reality bites. Philip said quietly and bitterly. - And love hurts. - But it's all worth it. I whisper back. - Is it? He asks.
THE MIND OF BRIAN
I just heard from a school yentl. Ripley's dead. Philip must be devastated. As I walk down school halls, I pass by Philip. He looks so down, head bowed down and gaze at the floor, pacing slowly towards what probably is his next class. - Philip? I call out. No answer. So, I run up to him and put a hand on his shoulder and he stops walking and looks up. - Oh, hi Bri. He says. He stopped calling me Bri a long time ago, the first time I screwed up our relationship. - Hi, Phil. I say back. Was that a half-hearted smile that he just managed to flash at me? - Do you want to... y'know... talk? I ask him cautiously. - Sure. He says weakly. For the first time in months, he's actually speaking to me in complete sentences. So, we walk over to an empty bench and sit down. - How are you feeling? I ask hesitatingly. - Fine. He says weakly. - I haven't been able to sleep much this past week, though. I can't believe that it's already been a week since he... he...! - You don't have to say it. I say consolingly and smile at him. - But I have to. He says. - Since he passed away. - You must move on. I advice him. - Ripley would want you to. My God, how cliche! He looks up at me and I realize that he's slightly mad. - I don't mean forget him completely. I quickly add. - Just don't dwell. He's still a part of you, in your heart. - Yeah, love is forever. He says and smiles slightly. - See, put on a happy face. I chuckle and he smiles wider. Unbelievable! This whole tragedy has brought me and Philip back to a level of friendship.
THE MIND OF PHILIP
- So, you two are on speaking terms again? Julia asks and then take sip out of her green tea. Aah. These tea shops are so nice. Nice music, nice people and nice tea. And best of all, it's a hell of a gay-hangout place! - We're back to friends again. I correct her. - Even after all that he's done? She asks. - One who can't forget cannot live. I tell her. - Or whatever Mr. Miyagi told Daniel in Karate Kid II. - You watch too much TV. Julia groans and rolls her eyes at me. Yeah, so? I learnt how to speak Danish and Norwegian that way. Of course, I already knew Swedish, which was pretty similar to Danish and Norwegian, but who the heck am I talking to again?! I better stop talking to myself. - C'mon, join me. I say and then put on a sinister look. - On the dark side!!! - I fear you. She said. - Aha!!! I exclaim. - Taken directly from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, episode 2, season 2!!!! - You watch too much TV!! She exclaims again.
THE MIND OF BRIAN
- And then she was, like, well, that's my chair and that's my hair and...! Miranda keeps on babbling. I can't believe how shallow she is. But she's my shallow cheerleader. - By the way, I heard that you went to being friends with that fag Philip again. She suddenly says. The word fag made me take more attention on her. I had zoned out earlier. - Yeah. I say. - He's a good person. - Well, aren't you afraid of, like, that he's gonna bring your rep down? Said the witch of bitchiness while chewing on her gum. - Well, again, he's a good person. I say. - And he recently lost a dear friend. - Oh, I heard. She says. - That cute Ripley guy. Oh, now I get it. It's a pity friendship. Giving something back to the geek community? Suddenly, a fantasy of me strangling Miranda popped into my mind, just momentarily, before disappearing. - Sure, it's a pity friendship. I sigh and add a little groan. - I knew it! She exclaims. - My God. I groan in the back of my mind. Can you really groan in your thoughts? Well, anyway, I just did.
NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 06, Part 2 of a 2-part episode A Midsummer Night's Dream
THE MIND OF PHILIP
- Mmm...! Ripley. I wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty and dazed and confused. Ripley was here, next to me... wait... it was but a dream. Why can't this whole thing be a nightmare and Ripley still be alive? He doesn't have to be my boyfriend. Hell, he doesn't even have to know me, as long as he's alive! Why did he have to go and die?! He was such a good person!!!
Morning. The birth of a new day. The birth of a new miserable day. - Hi, Phil. Brian calls out and runs up to me. I smile at him. Well, at least Brian and me are friends again and he hasn't screwed anything up for an entire 48 hours. - Hi, Bri. I say and pat him on the shoulder. - What's our next class? - Gym. He answers. Normally, I'd be jumping with excitement. An opportunity to check up on semi-nude guys. But I'm too sad to even think about sex right now. Ripley and me did share some... intimate moments in the nude... well actually, some intimate hours, but, never mind. But we never got to kiss with tongue. I thought that it was too soon. Maybe I should have let him become my first... french kiss. I've never kissed anyone with tongue yet. I think that that is the ultimate way of showing affection, a kiss. Not sex, but a kiss. And now he's gone and I'll never get to tell him how much I love him again. I didn't even cry at his funeral. But I made myself a promise a long time ago to never cry again, to show my vulnerability. Maybe I should make myself a promise to never love again and if that happens, to never act on those feelings again. It's too painful to love someone and then lose him. It's already happened to me thrice this year. Can I stand another repeat performance? - A nickle for your thoughts. Brian suddenly says, interrupting me. - I was thinking about Ripley again. I say quietly. - Geez... you really did love him, didn't you? He gasps. - Yeah. I sigh. - I did. I spent the rest of gym class in deep thought, even though it was my favorite kind of gym class; gymnastics, since I'm limber.
THE MIND OF BRIAN
Aah. Lunch break. Philip and I are sitting at a table, eating away on our lunch. But wait! There's something terribly wrong here! Philip is actually eating for only one! He's usually eating for at least three, but today, he's only eating for one. - Thinking of him again, aren't you? I ask him and smile warmly. - Yeah. He says weakly back. He starts looking all tired and weak again. Seems as if he didn't get much sleep last night either. Man. - I swear, tonight, I'll get into bed with you just to make sure of that you get a good night's sleep. I tell him. He looks up at me and gives me a questioning look, nods and then smiles. - Deal. He says. - Wha? I exclaim. - You just promised to sleep with me tonight. He says and beams at me. - Hmmm...! I mumble. Could I do this? Get into bed with Philip? Wait! Why am I even considering this?! Because he's my friend and I owe him one, no two, no three, no... whatever! - Alright, then. I groan and shake his hand. - It's a deal.
THE MIND OF PHILIP
I can't believe he actually accepted it! I mean, wow! We're going to sleep in the same bed. Even though it won't be Ripley in bed with me, it'll be awfully nice to just feel another human body next to me. - So, are you ready? I ask him and he looks up at me quizzingly. School's over and here we are, standing in the middle of campus. - Ready for what? He asks and I throw myself into his arms. - C'mon, you know what I want. I leer at him and draw small circles with my index finger on his tee-shirt clad chest. - You and me, mano o mano, take me! And his face goes pale. - Shopping!!!! And the color miraculously returns! I take him by the hand and drag him off towards the bus. - My God, what have I gotten myself into. I hear him groan as we board the bus. I pay the fee and we walk over to two empty seats and sit down. - You know, being friends with you is like having a full time job. Brian groans and sighs. - And being friends with you is like having your very own Brutus. I retort and his face suddely drops. - Oh, I'm sorry. I hurriedly apologize. - That was totally...! - What I deserved. He says quietly. - I know that I've done a lot of stupid stuff lately. I can't believe that you're still willing to hang out with me. - Well, what can I say? I say and put a hand over my chest. - I'm a schmuck! A schmageggie, a forcocked...! - I get the point! He chuckles.
Night...! Chills run down my spine as I undress for bed. I take off all of my clothes, except for my briefs, and then crawl into bed. Soon, Brian comes out of the bathroom, dressed in only his boxers, and crawl into bed with me. We're lying back to back and I can hear his gentle breathing as my eyelids start feeling heavier and heavier. I let loose and fall asleep.
- Philip. It's Ripley. I turn around and face him. We're in the hospital, standing next to his bed. Ripley's lying in it, yet, there's another Ripley standing besides the bed, facing me, with me standing at the doorway. - Why am I here? I ask. - You have to move on. The Ripley standing up says. The Ripley on the bed is connected to all kinds of machines that are kepping him alive. He's got an oxygen-mask on and his breathing can clearly be heard. It all feels so real, yet, I somehow know that it's all a dream. People are passing us, walking as fast as if life were a videotape on fastforward. - But how can I? I ask him. - I loved you, Ripley. I was seriously considering proposing to you. And then you just went an died. - Please, don't be mad. He apologizes. - I don't blame you. I re-assure him. - I blame your parents. They knew about it and they didn't do a thing! They didn't even tell you about it! That they even had the nerve to come to your funeral. Then, it all fades away and I find myself back in mine and Brian's dorm room. Someone's kissing my cheek... my neck... the small of my back. I turn around and face him. It's Brian. - Hello, darling. He says. - Darling? I ask him. - It's our anniversary, silly. He chuckles. And that's when I wake up. What's that? Brian... spooning me? I slowly turn my head to look at him. Yes, indeed. He is spooning me. He must've turned around in his sleep. Oh well. I shut my eyes again and slowly drift back to sleep.
I wake up with Brian's arms around me. I decide to keep still so that he doesn't wake up and remove his arms. - Philip...! I suddenly hear him murmur. - I love you. Oh my God! He's awake! He's hugging me and stroking me. - Brian? I ask and he jumps. He lets go of me and retreat and leap out of bed. - Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I chuckle. - You... did you hear those things that I just whispered into your ear? He asks nervously. - Only the "I love you"-part. I say. - What more did you say? - Well... a little of this and that. He says quietly and his face goes as red as a tomato. - Oh my God, you were whispering kinky stuff into my ear, didn't you?! I exclaim and his face goes even redder. - Aha!! I exclaim. - J'accuse! Silence. A breeze blows in through the open window and I can swear that I see something resembling tumbleweed blow by and crash into an open closet. - So... do you...? He starts asking catiously. - Love you back? I ask him and he nods. - I guess. I say. - I mean, you were my first true love and true love is forever and so are first loves. - You mean it? He exclaims and his face lits up. - Yeah. I sigh. - I love you man. - Even after all that I have done? He asks. - Yeah. I say. - What about Ripley? He asks. - I have to move on. I say quietly. - Ripley would've wanted that. He walks up to me and embraces me and then kisses me and I feel truly loved, standing here, kissing my first true love. And I did it! I opened my mouth when his tongue came out to play and let our lips lock and there I was, having my first kiss with a french twist! And the kiss never seemed to end, intensifying for each fleeting moment. When we finally break it, we both gasps for air. - Wow. He gasps. - That was... intense. I gasp. - It was my first. - Your first what? He wonders. - My first real kiss. I foretell him. - Y'now, with tongue and all. I believe that it's the ultimate way to express love... to kiss with tongue. - Well, if you put it that way. He says. - I guess a kiss with tongue is better than a suck with...! - Brian!! I growl at him. - I'm kidding. He chuckles. - I guess you're right. Wow, you're a real romantic, aren't you? Suddenly, something dawns on me. Mirandra, the bitch on heels. - What about Miranda, the bitch on... I mean... Miranda? I ask. - Oh, I dumped her yesterday. He chuckles. - You did? I exclaim and my heart jumps with joy. Well, it didn't actually jump, it just fluttered. Wait, maybe flutter isn't the right word. Maybe... Philip, shut up! What was that? Oh, me. Oh, well, maybe I should just stop babbling and, shut up!!! Alright, already! - But why? - Ah, when we were having lunch, she kept on rambling about how bad gays are and all, I kept thinking about how obnoxious she was. Brian start foretelling. - Why she couldn't be more like you and then it dawned on me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights, as if I'd just been hit by a bus, like...! - I get the point! I groan. - I realized that all I want is you. He says. - Isn't that some cheezy boyband song? I ask. - Oh, screw them. He chuckles. - I'd love to. I retort. - Get me Nick Carter and I'll screw his brains out. - Look who's kinky now. Brian laughs out loud. - Does she know why you dumped her? I ask him. - Nope. He says. - I just told her that I thought that we had outgrown each other and she, like, all, oh, well. - Well, it's her loss and my gain. I chuckle. - So, what do you say? We go out in public today at lunch. - No!!!!! He exclaims waaaaay to loudly, almost throwing me backwards with the sheer force that the sound-waves coming out of his mouths. - I'm not ready to come out yet. And besides, I think I'm just bi, not gay. - But I want everyone to know who I'm dating and all. I protest. - I'm not ready yet. He said quietly. - I guess I should respect that. I groan and he smiles at me. - It's just that I really want to let people know!!!! I then whine and his smile gets replaced by a glare. - I'm kidding. I chuckle and the glare vanishes. - I knew tbat. He laughs. - C'mon. English class will start soon. We better get ready. He was right. Oh no! I can't be late! It'd ruin my perfect High School record of never being late!!! - Move it!! I cry and usher him out of the door.
THE MIND OF JULIA
- No way!!!!! I exclaim. Once more, another cliche over-reaction from my side, but, hey, cut me some slack here. My best friend just told me that his first love, the guy who had sent him to the hospital twice, had come onto him and the two had kissed and made up, all of this only weeks after the demise of Philip's first boyfriend, Ripley. I mean, two boyfriends in one month! - Life just isn't fair. I grunt. - You've found yourself your second boyfriend for the semester and I'm still down at zilch. - There, there. He says and pats me on my head, ruffling my conditioned hair. - We'll find you a man soon enough. - When?! I whine. - You always say that, but we never really go man-hunting for me! - No, we're too busy man-hunting for me. Philip chuckles. - Fortunately, we won't be doing that anytime soon. I chuckle. - Oh, don't be so sure about that. He jokes and grins devilishly. - Oh, you little horndog. I groan. - Leave some men for me!!!
THE MIND OF PHILIP
Maybe this summer won't turn out that bad anyway. So, it's midsummer's eve and here I am, sitting at the beach with Brian. If there's an afterlife, I really hope to get to see Ripley again. He'll always be a part of my heart. - Thinking of him again, love? Brian asks me. I can't believe how sweet he is when we're alone, calling me honey and love and all, despite the fact of that we've only been together for three days. - Yeah. I sigh. - You're not jealous of a dead guy, are you? - Naah. He chuckles. - I know that he'll always have a special place in your heart. - As will you. I say and smile warmly at him. He leans in and kisses me, all innocent and sweet, and then embrace me, rubbing our crotches together. Thank God no one's around, or he'd have just come out in public. - I love you. He whispers into my ear before breaking the embrace. Yep. This definately won't be such a bad summer, after all. Maybe not... tomorrow, we'll have to move all of my stuff back to mine and Brian's room again.
Animal Instinct - Remake by Philip Wester The original song was sung by The Cranberries
"Suddenly something has happened to me, As I'm sitting under the cherrytree, Suddenly, I am feeling depressed, Feeling feelings I can't express,"
"I feel like I could cry-iaai, wo-oh, I feel like I could die-iaai, And what that really bothers me, Is I can never see, What that's obvious and in sight, What that I feel inside,"
"This is the weird thing about me, This is the weird thing about me, This is the weird thing, The way that, the way that I love,"
"Wohoo, Wohoo, Wohooo,"
"So here we are, once again, You and me, being only friends, Why can the friendship turn into more? Is it just another locked door?"
"I feel like I could cry-iaai, wo-oh, I feel like I could die-iaai, And what that really bothers me, Is I can never see, What that's obvious and in sight, What that I feel inside,"
"What that I, What that I, What that I feel inside,"
"It's what that I, What that I, What that I feel inside,"
"It's what that I, It's What that I, It's What that I feel inside,"
"It's what that I, It's What that I, It's What that I feel inside,"
"What that I, What that I, What that I feel inside,"
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