Not a Perfect Love

Pooh! Pooh! The copyright holder is me! Pooh! Pooh! Yaddi yaddi yadda, fictional, not true, dead or alive, commit George W Bush, rob Fort Nix, paysites keep out! Pooh! Pooh! And ouh! Ouh! Or is that "Pooh! Pooh!"?

Here are the few simple rules that Not A Perfect ******** lives by:

• NO GRAPHIC SEX! * Boy-boy love * Ass/arse-kicking of whoever has a problem with that (the gay thingee) * All readers should email the author or he'll go into another neurotic fit and never write again. * Each episode/chapter will have two titles and contain a part of the onslaughting poem "Not A Perfect Love" + a quote from a famous TV-series/ movie. Sometimes, the second title will be a continuation/finishing line of the first one.

Anyone seen the Charmes Ones lately? You have? Go find a good doctor! They're not real! Also, sometimes, when UNDER PHILIP'S SKIN, I might describe my thoughts as somewhat messy, neurotic and weird and, well, what can I say? That's me!

THAT'S ALL FAGS! Or should I say Homosexual-earthlings?

This episode's quote is:

Taken from: Mrs. Winterbourne (a movie starring Ricki Lake, Shirley Mclane and Brendan Frasier)

Brendan: She's hiding something! Shirley: She is Hugh's widower. And she has just given birth to my grandson under 200 tons of twisted metal. Now I don't care if she so turns out to be a Columbian druglord, I'm gonna help her all I can and unless you start treating her with a little respect, I'm gonna take you over my knee and spank you. And don't you think for a moment that I can't. Brendan: Paco! Paco: SNORT My money's on her!

NOT A PERFECT LOVE

A seabreeze through my hair, A wind in my heart, But why risk losing everything again? Why bother to open up, Only to be hurt? P.W.

Voiceover: Previously on Not A Perfect Summer

• Brian, are you drunk? Philip asks Brian. - Yeah, so what? He slurs back. - Get away from me, you fag!

Brian punches Philip, who flies backwards into a wall and falls unconcious. When he wakes up, he jumps to his feet and packs a duffel bag and leaves the room.

• Hey, we're planning on going backpacking next week. Robin tells Philip. - Y'know, camping outside, singing, grilling fish over an open fire and all. Wanna come with us? - Sure. Philip says and smile widely.

• So, what's your name? Philip asks. - Mine's Phikif, I mean Philip. - Mine's Adrien. Adrien introduces himself and they shake hands.

• Isn't the view breathtaking? Philip gasps as he looks around the beautiful clearing. - It really is. Adrien says and Philip looks over at him, swearing that Adrien just stared at him.

• Hey, the gang and I are going to grab something to eat at McDonald's after this. Wanna come with us? Philip suggest. - Sure. Adrien says.

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 09 - Never Hit A Boy On The First Date

THROUGH PHILIP'S EYES

• No way! I exclaim and Adrien nods. We're all sitting around this huge table that fits all of us, munching away on our ham-/chicken-/fish-/veggy burger/fries/shakes/whatever combos. - You can't be serious. I mean, the best fight ever is Buffy's faceoff with Adam in season four. I mean, the Sumarian chanting alone! - Yeah, but the barbeque of the mayor was much cooler with Xander leading the squad. He pointed out. - Yeah, but the whole "Buffy-turns-demon" thingee, leaving place for the next episode, when the Scooby Gang is almost killed by the first Slayer is waaay cooler than crispy fried mayor. I point out. - Do you have any idea of what they're talking about? I can hear Aqua whisper to Zeira. - No clue. I hear Zeira whisper back. - Yeah, yeah, I have to admit that it has a kind of elegance and style to it. Adrien says in a mock-snobbish voice. - Yes, yes. I say, in an equally snobbish voice and nod twice. - And the "I-envoke-a-bullet-swallowing-statis-field" thingee was cool too. - Well, not to disturb your little "I-am-the-bigger-Buffy-freak" thing here, but it's running kinda late. Angel says. - We better get into the woods and start putting the tents up now or we'll never get it done. - Oh, you're probably right. Robin agrees. - It's only four o'clock in the afternoon. I groan. - Do I really have to remind you of that we've got to put seven tents up and that our collective handy skills aren't even enough to fix a broken Barbie? Derek asks and wags a finger in the air a-matter-of- factly. - Oh, right. I say. - We better go. - Well, I've really had a great time. Adrien says and smiles widely. - Hope to see you around sometime. - Me too. I say. So, we all get up, the earth trembles, and then we leave, leaving Adrien behind. - Well, you'll always have Buffy. Angel says and pats my back. - Thanks. I say and pat him on the back. I then decide to play him a joke and lower my hand and pat his ass. He jumps and then glares as me as we all move down the streets. After a three mile long stroll, during which I complained numerous times, Aero's high heels broke and Derek's hair got covered in pigeon poop, we finally arrive at the clearing where we've decide to set up camp. We unload the heavily packed backpacks on our backs, rub out backs, moan about our backaches and then start setting the tents up. - Crap. Derek curses when his tent collapses over him and Robin. And then we all start hearing some familiar tongue smacking along with slight movements under the fabric and we all burst out laughing. Five minutes later, the two horndogs (re-)surface with their hair messed up and satiated looks on their faces. - Alright, show's over. Derek says and everyone lets out an "Aaaaaw" in unison. - Go back to work. Nothing to see here. - That guy is so funny sometimes. I chuckle and go back to helping Angel set up our shared tent. - So, what's up with this... gay-thing? Angel asks me. - I mean, why like guys instead of girls? - Well, if you were me, you'd ask yourself "Why like girls instead of guys". I explain to him. - You are born either gay or straight. Neither can consider liking the other's sexual preference. It's just the way it is. At least that's what I think, contrary to what certain mad scientists and shrinks do. - So, that time when I dropped a nickle and bent down to pick it up...? He starts while looking suspiciously at me. - Uh-huh! I say and nod twice. - You were wearing this tight white shirt and tight blue jeans and your ass bulged out so clearly that I got the hughest...! I started saying dreamingly when he pinched me. - Hey! I exclaim. - You should feel flattered. - I guess. He chuckles. - It's just weird to hear you say words like "ass" and the word that you are about to say. - Anyway, we better get some sleep. I say. - Alright. He says. We finish setting the tent up and enter. We put out sleeping bags down and then undress and jump into them, exhausted. - I had no idea of how exhausting lying in the sun could be. He moans. - Want a backrub? I ask him. - Er... I'm not sure. He says hesitatingly. - Oh, c'mon. I say. - It's not like I'm gonna grab you you-know-where-I'd-really-like-to. I chuckle and he glares at me. - Besides, people have told me that I'm good at massaging backs. - Alright. He says and rolls over onto his side. - Give it your best shot. I scoot over to him start rubbing his neck. - Oh...! He gasps. - That feels good. - And I've only begun. I whisper huskily into his ear and he tenses slightly and then relaxes again. I continue rubbing downwards and soon, I'm kneading his shoulders. - Ooh. He yelps. - What? I ask. - It just feels great. He says. A moment of silence. - Too great. - Oh my God, you're getting hard, aren't you?! I exclaim and I can hear shuffling sounds coming from the other tents. - Hush!!! He shushed me. - But you are, aren't you? I question him. - Well... er... uh... not my fault, but...! Suddenly, he looks around suspiciously and then sneaks over to the zip-lock that is out tent-entrance/exit, unzips it swiftly and pull it apart. And in come everybody crashing down onto the fabric floor. - Aha! Angel exclaims and everybody scrambles and flee back to their tents. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I laugh out loud. - What? He asks and I point at his groin. It's there, sticking out like this huge nightstick. Too bad he's straight. I wonder what color his pubic hairs are. His hair is red, but then again, mine's red too, and it comes from a bottle. - Oops! He exclaims and hurriedly jumps back into his sleeping bag. - Want me to continue massaging you? I ask him. - No! He says quickly and rolls over onto his side, facing away from me. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I chuckle and settle down. I'm about to fall asleep when Angel nudges me. I look over to him and he's blushing. It's so cute that his face has the same shade of red as his hair. - Uh, Phil...! He starts out timidly. - Would you massage me? And I grin devilishly at him and he just blushes even deeper.

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 09 - Forgive, But Never Forget

• Hello, dolly. I yawn and nudge Angel. He awakens and I smile at him. - Want a morning rub-down? I ask him. - No. He says quietly and blushes again. How cute! - Ah... today we're going back to the city. I say. - Yeah, we are. He yawns as he rubbed his big eyes. - I can't believe we've already been out here for a whole week. I say as I stand up and put my clothes back on. - You just couldn't help yourself, could you? Angel chuckles - Ever since that day, you've been dogging me about another backrub. - Why don't you just admit it? I leer at him and get really close to him. - You liked it. Say it. Say how much you liked it! - Oh, buzz off, Horny-one. He laughs and brushes me off. Well, so, we pack up and head back to the train station. - Oh my God, what a terrible fate. I groan. - What? Robin wonders. - The impending trainride. I groan. - I hear ya. Anastasia agrees. - Hey, what have you got around your arm? Zeira wonders and points at my wrist. - Oh, it's a friendship bracelet I made last night. I explain. - Nice colors. She comments. Yeah. I've always liked the of combination blue, red, yellow and green, in that order.

• Why are you making a new friendship bracelet? Julia asks. - I've decided to give Brian a final chance. I say. - As your best friend, I must say that that isn't a really good idea. Julia says. - I know, I know. I sigh as I continue making the friendship bracelet. - I'm a doormat. But I have to believe in love. Because, first loves...! - Are forever. Julia groans. - So, how are things going with you and John-doe? I leer at Julia. - You still haven't told me anything about him yet. - Oh, well, he...! Julia mumbles while fumbling with a pen. - What? I leer. - He's gay. She groans and I lose it. I spazz off laughing and when I finally stop, Julia is glaring at me. - Well, it's not like he was feminine or anything. She groans. - Just, that exact night, when he came over, he decided that he wasn't attracted to girls and that he was gay. - Oh, it must have felt awful. I giggle. - Yeah, it did! Julia groans. - Don't feel bad. I say and pat her on her back. - It's not like you turned him gay or anything. - Well, actually, I think I kinda did. She says. - He told me that being with me was what made him realize his homosexuality. Silence, silence, imaginary tumble-weed-by-blowing... spazz off! - He! He! He! He! He! I laugh through teary eyes. - Oh my God! I can't imagine how that would feel like! Oh, wait... maybe I do. What if a boyfriend of mine left me for a woman and told me that being with me made him realize that he was really straight? - That new bracelet you're making...! Julia says slowly. - It's identical to the one on your wrist. - Yeah. I sigh. - I'm gonna give it to Brian. The day our relationship bursts, one of them will burst and then, the other will too. At least that's what some people think. - You're not of them, are you? Julia asks. - I am. I say and fake a sinister look. Silence... silence... another tumble-weed-blowing-by-sequence... wait... wasn't that a hedgehog? It's Sonic! No, wait, only Tails. Where was I now again? - I mean, I'm not "Ouh! Spirits come and show me the way" or anything. I continue. - I just believe in certain superstitions. And well, I'm in denial okay? Just humour me. I believe that mine and Brian's relationship actually has a future. - Well, I'll be there to say "I told you so" when the bracelets burst. She giggles. - And I'll be there to give you a dirty look and feel dirty. I chuckle. So, here I am, the eternal doormat of all time, preparing to give the love of my life, at least up-to-date, another chance.

Knock, knock, knock. That's me, knocking on mine and Brian's dormroom door. I don't know why. I just got an urge to do it. - Go away. I hear a faint sob from inside. It's definitely Brian's voice. I unlock the door with my key and swing it open. There he is, lying on his bed, looking like a wreck. - Brian? I ask him. He sits up and I notice how red his eyes are, like he's been crying an awful lot. He runs over to me and embraces me and starts sobbing. - Oh my God, I thought I had lost you forever. He sobs. - I'm so sorry. I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing and...! - Well, you weren't drunk when you told your friends how "the fag" kept hanging around you, thinking we were friends and all! That was me. But I didn't say it. I never manage to say what I really want. Now until it's too late. So, I keep it in and put my hands on his back. - Oh! He then exclaims and break the embrace. He hurries over to the door and closes it and my head feels like it's going to explode. I mean, he we are, having the most emotional moment of our relationship and he's still worried about people seeing it and thinking less of him, especially friends and people that he knows. Real friends do not care what sexual preferences other friends have? - So... you're still not ready to let others know, are you? I ask with disappointment clearly ringing in my voice. - I guess not. He says quietly, head bowed down in shame. - I can live with that. I sigh. - Here. And I fish the friendshil bracelet out of my pocket and offer it to him. - A friendship bracelet? He asks. - Yeah. I say. - I'll always wear and and you'll have to always wear yours. You can hide it under a shirt, though. As long as you wear it. - Why? He asks. - Because it's a symbol of our love. I say. - The moment you take your off, I'll feel it and our love with start dissipating. C'mon. At least do this for me. - I guess it wouldn't kill me to wear long-sleeved. He sighs and puts the bracelet on. - Great. I say and lean him and give him a quick peck on the lips. I feel his tongue knock at my lips and let it in. Is it really true? Has my life really become perfect? Or at least as perfect as it can be. - Oh! I'm gonna be late! Brian suddenly exclaims and break the kiss. He straightens himself and then goes to brush his teeth. - Late for what? I ask. - I promised Miranda to take her to this new restaurant today. He says and my I can feel that familiar knot in my throat. - What?! I exclaim. - Oh, it's completely platonic. Brian re-assures me. - We're just friends. Even though she was a bad girlfriend, she's an okay friend. - Well, I guess that's okay. I say. It really isn't, but I don't want to complicate everything now that things are finally straightening up for us. - Great, hon. He thanks me and exits the bathroom. After giving me a quick peck on the cheek, he rushes out the door. I just sit there for a moment, thinking about my life. Is this really it? Have I finally found a little stability? - I still love you, Ripley. I whisper. - I wish you were still here. But now, I have to move on. I just know that Brian can make me as happy as you could. With that said, I pick the phone up and dial the numbers for Derek's and Robin's dorm room. - << Hello? >> It's Derek. - I told him that I'd take him back but only if he'd always wear the friendship bracelet that I made for him and he actually accepted and now, I think that I've finally found a little stability in the eternal turmoil that is my life! I scream into the phone in one single breath. - << Who is this? >> Derek asks and then starts laughing. - Very funny. I growl. - << Anyway, that's great! >> Derek says. - << Me and Robin just did, y'know. >> - You did what? I leered at him. - << Well, the thing that all couples do. >> Derek whispered hoarsely. - << We cuddled up into bed, undressed and... ate peanut-butter ice-cream with chocolate filled crackers. >> - Oh, how naughty. I groaned. - << You thought I'd say that we did, it didn't you? >> Derek leers at me. - Well, yah, kinda. I say and shrug. Why am I shrugging? He's on the other side of the dorm building. - << Well, we did that too. >> ... ... ... ... ... - Oh my God!!!!! I exclaim. - You lucky bastard! You finally nailed him! - << Well, actually, he nailed me. >> Derek whispers naughtily. - << In eight different angles, for more than three hours. >> - I can't believe you can actually speak. I chuckle. - Wait! You're leading me on, aren't you? - << Yah. >> Derek sighs. - << We did it in nine angles for over four hours. >> And I double over and fall to the floor. - << What was that? >> Derek wonders. - Oh, just me fainting. I groan as I get up. - You little horndogs! I just hope that you can stand on Monday when we're going shopping or you'll be in big trouble! - << I think that I can try to manage that. >> Derek chuckles. - << Unless we do it again tonight, tomorrow and the day after that. >> - You don't suppose that you guys would want a third party or something, right? I leer at him. - << Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! >> Derek laughs and then stops abruptly. - << Wait, you are joking, right? >> - Yes! I groan. - I'm not that perverse. - << Oh, gotta run. >> Derek says. - << Bye. >> - Bye. I big him adieu and we both hang up. Wow! Four hours! I've gotta buy him something, like a trophy. Maybe one of those cheezy mini-trophies with an engraving that says something like "The World's Horniest Teen" or something. Oh, wasn't there something that I was supposed to do today? Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to meet Angel at the arcade in...! And I throw a look at the bedside watch. Five minutes?! Gotta run!!!! And I make a dash for it. Out the door I go.

• Aha! Angel cries as Cyclops kicked Chun Li's ass on the screen. - I can't believe I lost in favor for you! I exclaim. - Well, there's a first for everything. Angel chuckles. - Besides, you've been winning for ten rounds now. Ten to one. That's pretty good. - Oh, I want you to come to mine and Brian's room tomorrow morning. I tell him. - What for? He whines. - You know how tired I am in the morning! - Just show, 'kay? I chuckle. - Alright. He groans and glares at me. - Hey, don't make me grope you! I warn him and hold a finger up as to warn him and the glare vanishes in a flash. - I'll do it anyway. I chuckle and squeeze his cheeks, his cheeks in the back of his body, that is. - Oh, you'll pay for this! Angel cried and grabbed hold of me. - Gimme a dollar so that we can go another round and we're even!

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