I really meant what I said when I told Robbie that I loved him, but I wasn't sure if he just agreed with me out of lust, or if he meant it too.
Robbie let his fingertip run down the length of my neck and back up over my slightly parted lips, before slipping it gently inside.
"Let's go to your bedroom." He mumbled into my ear. Before I have a chance to disagree, his hands wrapped around my waist and he lifted me up over his shoulder and smacked my ass.
"Ow!" I let out in a whimper; he just giggled and carried me up the stairs and into my bedroom, where he laid me down gently on the bed and crawled on top of me.
"You ever notice that when you're with me, your eyes are hazel green, but when we're out with our friends, they're baby blue?" He caught me off guard with this statement. My eyes traveled from his chest up to meet his eyes. I smiled shyly up at him.
"I didn't think you even noticed me." I said, as I wrapped my hands around his neck, as he leaned down till our lips met, and the kiss grew passionate quickly.
It only lasted a few minutes before he broke it, reached under my arms, and pulled me up so my head met the pillow.
"I hope this doesn't freak you out but I know a lot of things about you that you do, that you're not even aware of." He said, wrapping his hand around behind my neck.
"Like what?" This was news to me, but it had me feeling warm inside to know he knew me better than I did.
"Well, whenever we're with our friends and I'm talking, your left leg starts to shake like you're nervous. I can tell when you're thinking, because you start chewing on your bottom lip, like you did downstairs."
I was taken aback by this confession, it wasn't much, but it let me know that he had never ignored me.
"I don't do it purposely, just a habit I guess." I brought him down on my body and snuggled into his neck.
"I know you were thinking if I really meant what I said back there. I do love you Wade, there isn't a doubt in my mind. I know Shelly suspects something is up, especially when we're in bed; it takes me a good fifteen minutes to get a hard- on and when I do, I gotta think of you."
I felt a little guilty thinking about it, but I was happy to know that he wasn't enjoying any sexual activity with her. I wanted him to myself, I just had to remember that all Shelly was, was a decoy.
"How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked. He gave me that sly smile of his, like he knew he was the best, before he gave me a quick peck on the lips, and answered my question.
"Wade, I can't have people knowing I'm queer, and it's hard especially because I'm deeply in love with you. I didn't know if you were like me or not, so I poured all of my energy and passion into studying you. What your hobbies are and all the little things. You bring out the beast in me."
I was close to tears when I heard this. I can't believe we wasted so much time drooling over each other, when we could have been together.
"Rob, I know it's selfish of me, but I want you to myself; I don't want to share with Shelly." He sighed and buried his head into my neck.
"Babe, do you know what a fox Shelly is? The guys would think I'd gone crazy if I dumped her for any reason. There would be questions I just wouldn't have the answer to, it's a risk I can't take. But you gotta know I love you more than anyone and anything, Wade."
Rob's voice had cracked at the last sentence and it made me realize he was telling the truth.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly until I saw stars, why did love have to be so complicated?
Once we were back at Middleton High School on January second, I had to go all day pretending that I had no interest in Rob whatsoever, and he did the same.
It was torture.
School was almost like a prison for me. I had friends in high places, but was only allowed to talk to them at certain times of the day, plus it was keeping me from Robbie.
I couldn't stand Mondays; I was dead to the world until my alarm started blasting music into my ears.
I hadn't been up more than five minutes, before Austin charged into my room with a shit-eating grin on his face.
"Why are you so happy in the mornings? I hate you." I said, as I tried to stumble out of bed; scrubbing at my eyes.
"Well, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Guess who got some last night?" He asked, taking a seat next to me; I looked back at him, giving him a blank stare.
"I hooked up with Candy last night." This woke me up and I practically jumped on top of him in surprise. I wasn't big on hearing anything about any of the girls he dated, but I knew that Candy was special to him.
"WHAT? How did this happen, you guys actually had...you know...sex?" Austin was still grinning as his he confirmed and explained what happened.
Candy had invited him out for a double date with Cindy and Joe; since she had nobody to take. They went out to Jack In The Box and ate dinner, then went to go see The Hitcher, which I felt totally jealous, because I wanted to see that.
After Cindy and Joe left, Candy had given him the choice of either going home, or her house. They were talking and eating ice cream, when Austin got the nerve to kiss her, and all his feelings poured out of him.
I actually felt happy for him; he's been obsessing over Candy for the longest time now; he deserved this relationship.
"Great, now I'm going to be a third wheel between you and Candy." Which I shouldn't have brought up, because now Austin has a mission to accomplish.
"Oh, we're gonna find you a girl. Before the month is over, you're gonna have yourself a girlfriend."
I sat up and didn't say anything. I went over to my dresser and dug for an outfit to wear. Once I had on a black Metallica T-shirt and some jeans, I turned to face him.
"Don't set me up with a blind date, I mean it Austin. Don't worry so much about my love life; you have your own to deal with."
"Calm down there tiger, I just don't want you to feel left out is all."
I let the subject drop before I dug myself into a hole I couldn't crawl out of.
"We need to hurry; I told Candy we'd be by her house at eight." I nodded and sped up my pace.
All my doubts about Austin's story had vanished once we picked up Candy and headed towards school. They were both glowing, and were all smiles the whole way.
"What in sans hill are you listening to Austin, let's put on some Faith Hill," She said as she changed the station, "How are you doing darling?" Candy asked ,turning her attention back to me.
I managed a weak smile. "Tired, and already wanting the day to end." I said. She frowned and reached back using her thumb to get rid of some crusties on the edge of my mouth, like my mother would do.
"What's the matter sweetie?" She asked with a concerned look.
"He feels left out now that we're going together. He just needs a girlfriend, that's all." Candy turned around and smacked him on the arm, while Austin playfully tried avoiding the contact.
"You told him about us?" Candy asked, she tried to sound angry, but I could tell she wasn't.
"Well, he's my best bud! I can't keep something big like that from him." Austin said with an exaggerated sigh.
"How much did he tell you Wade?" She asked, as she looked back to me.
"Just that you were now officially his girlfriend after that date you went on Saturday night." I said with a smile, they were cute together.
"Are you telling me the truth, he didn't tell you anything else?" She asked, as she raised an eyebrow at me.
"Cross my heart." I said, as we pulled up to the school that is now crawling with kids.
"I better not find out that you're lying to me." She said, and Austin leaned in and gave Candy a quick kiss before we all got out.
I saw Melinda practicing her moves with the cheerleaders in the front of the building, as we were walking. She looked my way and waved; I nodded and kept my pace up with Austin and Candy.
We met up with Robbie and Shelly in the cafeteria. They were getting breakfast, and we cut in line with them. Shelly gave me a kiss on the cheek; I blushed and looked over at Robbie.
"Guys and ladies, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend Candy." Austin gloated, as he pulled Candy up to his side and they kissed passionately, while the crowd around us applauded.
"Congrats man." Rob said patting him on the back.
"Now, all we need is a girl for Wade and it'll be perfect." Austin said, hugging Candy as we walked forward.
"Wade doesn't need a girl; he has his right hand."
Rob said causing everyone to laugh. I glared at him; it was uncalled for. I stalked off, with Austin calling my name, but I ignored him and decided to catch up with Melinda.
She had finished practice and was sitting and having coffee and a doughnut with her friends Brittany and Stacy.
"Hey little brother, you want the rest of this?" She asked, handing her half- eaten doughnut to me.
I shrugged. "Sure."
"You look down and out, what's the matter?" She asked, ruffling my hair.
"Rob's just being a dick." I said, and she nodded as if she knew it were true. Stacey pulled me into her and gave me a noogie.
"Don't let him get to you; he likes you. He was probably just joking. What did he say?" Before I could detail the events, the bell rang and I started to fix my hair.
"Have a good day, and don't worry about Robbie `kay?" Melinda said as she gathered her stuff. I nodded and gave her a hug before we headed our separate ways.
I loved Melinda, she could be the sweetest girl around, but if you got on her bad side she could make your life a living hell. For example the time she caught her ex- boyfriend Pete screwing Amanda; one of her friends, it didn't go too well.
She socked Pete right in the face, giving him a broken nose and a cut lip, and she ended up spreading rumors that Amanda had crabs.
You wouldn't recognize Amanda today though; she used to be outgoing, and to put it bluntly, a bitch.
Now you could catch her sitting behind the bleachers, jabbing a plastic fork at her wrist.
The poor girl is just crying out for attention, but getting it the wrong way. People think she's gone mentally insane.
In class I thought about this morning, and what Robbie had said. I knew he was just putting on a show for the rest of the world, but he didn't have to humiliate me in the process.
The rest of the day went by uneventfully. I sat at my usual table at lunch, where Austin kept trying to convince me that Rob was just joking around, before he actually came and sat with us.
To piss him off, I pretended not to notice him, but I did notice that my left leg shook. I realized Rob was talking about the football game this Friday.
When I looked up at him, I was surprised to see he was sneaking small glances my way, and froze up when I saw I wasn't the only one seeing this.
Shelly was looking at him intently, and when she caught his eyes travel back to meet mine; she looked at me, gave me a sad smile and went back eating.
At that moment, I did feel really guilty but not enough to give up Robbie without a fight, whether it's to Shelly or anyone else.
I wanted Robbie for myself.