Author's Notes:
I just have to say first off:
A few birthday words to the sexy jc A wish for long life and prosperity A heart full of love and a life full of joy That's my message to you, you beautiful boy Today's August 8th and I'm happy it's true you're 24 now and I'm almost there too So blow out your candles and cut up your cake open your presents and show off your take You're another year older and millions love you and as you can tell I'm one of them too. So enjoy your day JC that's an order from me the one that knows someday you and I will be we ;)
Happy Birthday Josh.
Now with that said,
Well finally after a long delay, the next chapter. Sorry, I'm enjoying summer way more that writing.
Heys:
Hey to Zak...Great to finally meet you...ya pushy a** : ) Hey to Brian...see you graduated to your full name Hey to Randy MMSGofBE Hey to Lukey Smooth Hey to Scotty, Clive, Tommy, Richard, Ted, Jeno, Hamado,
Ryan C., Ryan K., Ryan M., Ray, Rey, Arshad, Bart,
Denzil, John, Kheim, Chris, Colleen, Gretchen,
Brandon, Terrie and Clarkey
A big welcome into my world to: Tiny, Mike S, Cherie, 'Rett, JonSlash, Jeremy and Terry.
Ok between the last chapter and this one...If I missed you I'm sorry and I'll be expecting an e-mail bitching me out.
Disclaimer: Well, it's still missing and no one has returned it yet. What a world. Just can't trust anyone these days. Again, if you happen to see it, send it home where it is loved.
--------------------------- Beyond What Is - Chapter 11 ---------------------------
"POLICE...OPEN UP."
As we reached the door, we looked at each other and smiled.
"Jay." we both said at the same time.
I grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open.
"You are such a fuckin' asshole Ja...."
The words died on my lips as the door opened fully, exposing a uniformed police officer. Josh came up from behind me and looked over my shoulder.
"Oh shit." he whispered.
"Good evening to you too sir."
"Um....Good evening officer...is there something I can help you with?"
"Well we got a call from the neighboring house saying there was two strange men in this house who shouldn't be here. So I was sent out to investigate. Do you have permission to be in this house."
"Yes officer, it belongs to my parents."
"Can I see some ID for the both of you please."
"Sure officer, come in...we have to go get our wallets."
We both turned and walked down the hall and into the bedroom.
"Damn, that was too funny."
"Yeah right Josh, it's always good to call a cop a fuckin' asshole."
Josh just smiled, grabbed our wallets and threw mine to me.
We walked back out and as we passed the front door, I let Josh go ahead of me. I looked out the small window next to the door, shook my head and walked into the living room. Josh was handing the officer his ID. He looked at it and handed it back to him.
"Thank you Mr. Chasez, and yours please."
I opened my wallet and handed the officer my ID.
"If you look closely I look a lot like Andrew Jackon, but if need be I can also look like Grant or Franklin."
"Kyle....." Josh whispered under his breath. "What are you doing?"
"Sir?"
"Hell, why don't you do a little dance and strip down for us. We'll make you work for your money."
"KYLE!"
"Sir, I'm going to ask you one more time for you ID."
"Oh give it a rest already...Josh, he's not a real cop. Look at his shield...it says ACME for christ sakes."
"Kyle...Ummmm...."
"Josh, doesn't it seem strange to you that there isn't a police car or motorcycle outside. Or that he would let both of us go to get our wallets together. And plus if you look out the window, Jay and Lance are sitting down the street in a car...How much are they paying you?"
"Sir..."
"Dude...How much is Jay paying you?"
".....$200."
"Thank you...Now...I'm sorry, what is your name?"
"Patrick."
"Ok...Patrick, would you like something to drink?"
"Ummm."
"Patrick, it's ok. Josh can you go get Patrick a soda. Hell, I'm hungry. Patrick, do you live in town?"
"Yeah."
"Is there a pizza place that delivers?"
"Uh yeah."
"Cool. How about this...You hop on the phone and order us some pizza. Josh, what kind of pizza do you want."
"Anything is fine with me." he said walking back into the room and handing Patrick a Coke.
"So Patrick, what kind do you like?"
"Ummm I'm cool with anything."
His eyes were darting around the room and his fingers were drumming on the can.
"Patrick, calm down. No worries here ok. You'll get paid from Jay and I'll throw in an extra hundred. Now, how about you order us two extra large pizzas...One pepperoni and the other a Hawaiian...both with extra cheese and sauce with thick crust. Oh, and have both pizzas delivered to the car sitting down the street with the two idiots in it."
A smile formed on Patrick's face as he walked into the kitchen and over to the phone. He dialed information to get the number.
Josh walked up behind me and put his arms around me.
"He's pretty cute, don't you think." He whispered in my ear.
"Excuse me." I said turning around in his arms. "Keep those baby blues focussed on who they are supposed to be focussed on mister."
He smiled at me and then gave me a quick kiss.
"Don't you worry, I only have eyes for you."
"Ok that was a cheese factor 2...pretty close to perfect cheese there Josh."
He flashed his heart melting smile at me and we broke apart as we heard Patrick hang the phone up.
"It ok you know, your secret is safe with me." Patrick said as he walked back into the room.
"What was that Patrick?" I asked, stepping a little farther away from Josh.
"I said you and JC don't have to worry. Your secret is safe with me. The same goes for Lance out in the car."
"You know who we are then?"
"Uh yeah. I'm not an idiot you know...But I was kind of surprised to find out that you're gay. I kind of figured that Lance was...The truth is I've always found Lance hot...sorry."
"Haha...wait until I tell Lance that...He seems to think that his little ole hetero act is fooling everyone."
"Oh come on...the way he's always looking at you, and touching you, not to mention all the times he pats your ass." Patrick said as he sat down on the couch.
"Seriously Josh...Lance is that touchy with you? I guess little ole Lance does have a crush on you."
"Sooo Patrick, when's the pizza coming?"
"Ohhhh nice subject change Josh."
He just flashed me a smile.
"In about 20 minutes JC."
"Call me Josh."
"Thanks, and you guys can call me Rick."
"Ok Rick, now if you will excuse me. I will leave you in Josh's hands while I grab a shower."
I leaned over and kissed Josh on the cheek.
"Be right back...keep your baby blues to yourself buddy." I whispered into his ear.
I winked at him and he smiled back, as I walked out of the room. I took a quick shower, got dressed and ran some gel through my hair. I walked back out to Josh and Rick talking about life on tour. I sat down in a chair as Josh finished talking. He excused himself and went to take a shower.
"You two make a really cute couple."
"Thanks Rick. Do you have anyone in your life right now?"
"No...I only wish I could meet someone and have the type of relationship you and Josh have."
"Well Rick, to tell the truth...we just became a couple yesterday."
"Shut up....you two seem like you've been together for a while now. You seem so comfortable with each other."
"Really, we've actually only known each other for a week now."
"Well, I hope that when I do find that special man that I'm meant to be with, my relationship with him is just like yours. Do you mind if I ask you where you met Josh.
"Not at all. I met him through Jay, who is my best friend. He met Lance about 3 months ago and he introduced me to Josh after their concert in the bay area."
"You went to that concert...I was there too. I went with a friend who would be so pissed to find out that I met Lance and JC. That concert was such a blast and Lance flew right above me. Mmmm, man what a package that boy has on him."
"Haha...really. I'll have to check that out...Not. I had Josh flying right in front of me...now that was a sight...You know, thinking back... I would never have guessed that night, looking at him, that we would be where we are now."
"I just can't believe that both Lance and JC are gay. Are any of the other guys?"
"I couldn't tell you that, I don't know them all that well...plus it's not for me to say. Rick...I don't know how to say this, but you have information that could destroy two people that I care deeply about. I hope that we can trust you to keep this information to yourself. I'm not so much talking about their fame...but their lives. If you catch my drift."
"Look, you really don't have to worry about me. I'm on your side and I know how the world works. I've been trying to break into the acting gig being an openly gay man. As you can tell, it's not working. I know that they have to hide who they are and everything that they love. That is something that is harder than anything in the world. I would never do anything to hurt someone gay or straight in that way."
"Thanks Rick. I hope that you do make it into show business and you make it on your terms."
"Well until then I will be wearing my Acme badge and any other outfit to pay the bills."
As he said this, Josh walked into the room.
"Lunch will be here any second. I just peeked and the delivery guy was pulling up to Jay's car."
I got up, walked into the kitchen and grabbed some plates, forks and napkins. I set them on the living room table.
"Hey Josh, go open the front door a little."
He got up and went to the door and opened it about half way. We all sat down and situated ourselves so we were all looking at the door. About a minute later, we heard Jay's car pull up into the driveway. The engine stopped and we heard the two doors open and then close. A few seconds later the door came flying open with a kick.
"KYLE YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE." Jay yelled as he walked through the door.
"Welcome home honey, did you bring dinner?"
"Shut up Kyle. How the fuck did you know."
"I know you...Josh knows you...you just plain suck Jay."
Lance stepped into the house holding the pizzas.
"Hey Casper...hang with a loser and ya have to buy dinner."
"Hey Kyle...Josh. Nice disappearing act."
"Hey Lance. Sorry about that. Are the guys pissed at me?"
"It's not a problem Josh. We did what we had to do. You're the one that now has to spend some extra time in the studio to finish the song. The stuff you laid down is pretty much unusable."
"It's all good. Well worth the trouble."
As he said that he looked at me and smiled.
"Well, that's enough of that...Casper, get your white behind in here and dish out the pizza."
"Come on Kyle, not in front of strangers." Lance said with his face getting a little red.
"Oh my god...he does have color. Don't worry Lance, Rick over here thinks your little white bod is just fine...Sorry Rick, I hope I'm not embarrassing you."
"Not a prob...it take more than that to embarrass me."
"Cool."
"Oh and Lance?"
"Yeah Josh?"
"Your little hetero act isn't working as good as you think it is. Rick here had you pegged as the homo of the group."
"Gesh, why does everyone think that I'm the gay one?"
"Ummm cause you are."
"Shut up Kyle."
"Don't worry babe, it's cause your the cutest and give all the gay guys hard-ons."
"Ok...enough talking about Casper and his warped minded fans. What did you two do with Joey, Justin and Chris?"
"They flew down to LA. We have to meet them down there tomorrow night to fly out to Orlando. I was sent to retrieve Josh and decided to take along Jay with me...you know, so I wouldn't get lost and all."
As Lance said that, my mind went blank. I never really thought about Josh and me beyond the moment. Josh was going back to Orlando tomorrow night and I would be going back to San Jose. My mind started to race. I was watching everyone talk, but I was lost to what they were saying.
"Shut up Lance. You know I was the only one who knew where the two disappearing shit heads were."
"Yeah, the only reason you knew was because that lady down the beach called your house saying that there were two strange men in the beach house."
"Kyle are you ok?" Josh whispered in my ear while shaking me a little.
"Huh...Oh so that's how you found us. I knew that Jay's tracking couldn't be that good."
"I knew where you two were."
"Yeah right...And so you thought you'd attempt to pull a little joke on us huh. That my friend was the lamest thing I've ever seen out of Jason Martin. You're losing your touch."
"Arrrrr you piss me off so much Kyle...How did you know?"
"Well, first off...gee, no police car or motorcycle in the driveway. Second, when I looked out the window I saw this brilliant flash of light shinning off of Casper's white skin...damn it almost blinded me. Hint...next time try parking the car a little further away and throwing a blanket over Lancey there"
One of the couch pillows came flying across the room, smacking me in the face. It was followed by an eruption of laughter.
"Nice shot Scoop."
"Oh you think so." I said as I jumped on top of Josh. "Choose you sides carefully Mr Chasez."
"Knock it off you two...gesh as if you didn't get enough last night."
"Oh as you know what we did and didn't get last night Jay. Dish out the pizza and shut your trap." I said as I got off Josh.
Jay grabbed the plates and dished the pizza out. As we ate, the conversation was mostly about the guys and their lives on the road. They shared some funny stories about each other and the other guys. Rick was enjoying himself and looked really disappointed when it was time for Jay to drive him back to the agency. Josh and Lance gave Rick some autographs and got his address so they could mail him some stuff autographed by the others. I got his e-mail address so I could keep up with his life. We said good bye as he drove off with Jay and Lance.
Josh and I cleaned up and sat out on the back deck waiting for Jay and Lance to get back. I was laying in a lounge chair with Josh on top of me in my arms. We were watching the sunset through the dark clouds. It was beautiful. The only sound was the waves crashing against the beach. Then my mind started up again. Thinking more than I should have been...My downfall. Thoughts on top of thoughts...mixing... crashing...exploding together until...
"Kyle...are you listening to me."
"Huh...sorry Josh...What were you saying?"
"I was just saying what a good friend Jay is."
"Yeah, he is...Um Josh?"
"Mmmm."
"What happens after tomorrow?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean us...what happens to us after tomorrow? You leave for Orlando and I go back to San Jose. I never really thought about it until now. Where do we go from here?"
"Kyle, can't we just enjoy tonight and worry about the future tomorrow."
His finger was lightly running along my arm wrapped around his chest just as my thumb was rubbing against his bicep.
"I don't know if I can. All I can think about is me watching you step onto a plane as you fly off across the country."
"But you will be coming to Orlando in another week and we will with each other for a month."
"Josh, I don't know if I can go out there for a month. It's Christmas time and my family is here. You got to understand, my family means everything to me."
"More than your happiness?"
"I could be happy, but without my family what kind of happiness would it be. Even if I am not happy, at least I have my family here to drown my sorrow."
"So you are choosing your family over me."
"I haven't chose anyone over anything yet...but that decision will have to be made. And Josh, what about you...What will you have to sacrifice for this relationship. What happens if word gets out about us...what would happen?"
"Kyle, don't worry about it. Look at Jay and Lance. They are happy and none of these problems have them worried."
"I'm not Jay...Our situations are totally different. Jay lives in Orlando and has a career that keeps him busy between seeing Lance. I'm in California...a whole country away. You're out here what... maybe twice a year. I don't think I could survive in that kind of relationship."
"Well quit your job and move to Orlando. I have enough money for the both of us."
"I know you think that is the solution, but it's not. Be realistic Josh. How do you think that would make me feel."
He got up out of my lap and sat on the side of the lounge. He put his hands together and was looking down at them.
"So what are you saying Kyle?"
"I don't know Josh...it's just that all this stuff is floating around in my head right now. Stuff I just can't ignore."
He raised his head and looked me straight in the eyes.
"I love you Kyle...isn't that enough."
"I don't know Josh...It could be....I just don't know."
I got up and walked to the railing of the deck and leaned against it with my arms folded in front of me. A few seconds later Josh got up and walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and put his chin on my shoulder.
"I will not give up on this Kyle...I will not. I have always gotten what I've wanted in life and I will not lose us."
The emotion in his voice hit my heart. I felt my eyes tearing up and as the tears started flowing out, I turned around in his arms and drew him into a hug.
"I'm not as strong as you Josh. I don't know if I could survive in a relationship where I am alone all the time."
"Fight for us Kyle...Please...you don't know what you mean to me. You don't know what I've gone through to get to this point in my life. I can't give up now...I won't."
His grip on my body grew stronger as I felt our bodies start to rock back and forth. Just as they had the night before. Swaying to the sound of the ocean.
"Would you two pervs break it up."
The words hit us just at the light on the deck was turned on. We both turned to the doorway. Jay and Lance were standing there with a twelve pack of beer.
"Sorry did we disturb something." Lance said as he noticed the looks on our faces and the trail of tear running down our cheeks.
We wiped our faces as they walked out onto the deck.
"Care to talk about it."
"Not really Jay."
"Come on Kyle...We are here for the both of you."
"Not now ok Scoop."
"Kyle..."
"I said not now Lance."
As Josh said that, I broke out of his arms and walked off. I jumped the five steps down to the beach and as my feet hit the sand, I could hear the conversation on the deck.
"Great I'll be right back."
"Hold up Josh, I'll...."
The conversation faded as I walked closer to the crashing waves. I kept walking and after about 50 yards, I sat down on the wet sand. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I was laying there, listening to the waves waiting for Jay. I could hear his footsteps approach and the sound of him sitting down next to me.
"It's me Jay, I know I'm being a total ass, but I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. How can I make this work if we are separated by a country...by our lives...by a world that doesn't accept us. I'm not as strong as you or Josh. I don't think I can make this work."
"Do you love him Kyle."
The words from my dreams hit me. My eyes flew open and there sitting in front of me was Lance.
"Sorry Kyle...do you want me to go get Jay?"
"No...It's ok Lance."
"Can I say a few thing that are on my mind. I know I'm a little younger than you and we aren't close friend, but I feel that I can maybe help a little."
"I sat back up and looked out at the ocean.
"Yeah Lance, go ahead."
"Kyle, if you really and truly love Josh...all the other stuff will fall into place. I see the way Josh looks at you and the way you look at him. There is something between you two that is deeper than love. It's like you were meant for each other. The way you two were brought together...everything that fell into place to get to the point where you met him. It's like it was destiny. I know I sound like a fool, but to meet someone that you love and loves you back in this world is hard enough. You have that...Don't let it slip away without a fight. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."
"But we are from different worlds. I can't go live in his and he can't come live in mine. How can we make this work...I just can't see how."
"By taking it one day at a time. Adjust to situations as they arise."
"But he won't be here day to day...week to week. I just can't see this working."
"You're thinking too much Kyle. Try listening to your heart instead of your brain."
"And what happens if it tells me to run."
"Then listen to me...Just live for now Kyle. You have Josh's heart and if you don't fight for what you want...what you need, it will destroy him...and you."
"I can't believe I'm sitting here listening to the advice of my best friend's younger boyfriend. Jay's a lucky man to have you Lance."
"Thanks Kyle. I hope that I've helped you sort thing out in your head."
"No...but thanks anyways."
I turned to face him with a big smile on my face.
"Jerk." He said as he pushed me with back down to the sand.
"Can we join you two idiots on the wet sand?"
We turned and looked up. Behind us was Jay and Josh, standing there holding two beers in their hands.